The Science Behind Masculine Charisma — Transcript

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1. 0:00Which one seems more charismatic?
2. 0:04Matthew McConaughey, of course. Now,
3. 0:06they're both leaning away, but Ed
4. 0:08Sheeran keeps his shoulders raised while
5. 0:10Matthew keeps his shoulders relaxed,
6. 0:12making us perceive him as more
7. 0:14charismatic. According to the public
8. 0:16speaker Olivia Fox Cabane, charisma
9. 0:18isn't something you're just born with,
10. 0:20but a skill you can actually learn once
11. 0:22you understand its three core
12. 0:24components. Number one, presence. Books
13. 0:27and studies agree that you should focus
14. 0:29on the other person during interactions.
15. 0:31Good advice, but incomplete. Because if
16. 0:34you don't socially calibrate yourself,
17. 0:36you can actually seem creepy. Here's an
18. 0:39example.
19. 0:39>> That's a tremendous outfit. You can only
20. 0:42You can only wear that if you have You
21. 0:43have lovely lovely well-shaped
22. 0:46muscular lengthy lovely legs.
23. 0:48>> [cheering]
24. 0:48>> And what is that? Is that
25. 0:50Is that like
26. 0:50>> What did he do wrong? He started the
27. 0:52interaction with a compliment that
28. 0:54targeted the below-the-waist area. He
29. 0:56entered her personal space before
30. 0:58building any comfort with her. And he
31. 1:00started while talking, which made the
32. 1:01comments even creepier. Now, you may
33. 1:03argue that his failure is related to his
34. 1:05bad looks. But let's see how Craig
35. 1:08Ferguson, a man with similar looks and
36. 1:10similar occupation, handles a similar
37. 1:12situation in a more charismatic way.
38. 1:15Normally, I can speak. Uh but
39. 1:19>> Not today.
40. 1:20>> Having a bit of a hard time this
41. 1:21evening. Don't know what it is. It's
42. 1:22kind of hot in this studio. I'm feeling
43. 1:24a little
44. 1:24>> Now, he also stuttered a bit, but he
45. 1:27didn't invade her personal space and he
46. 1:30used an indirect sexual compliment. Now,
47. 1:32Craig Ferguson isn't just a master at
48. 1:34flirting, he's a master at making women
49. 1:37want to flirt back with him. As a
50. 1:38recurring pattern, he doesn't just flood
51. 1:40a woman with attention, but also takes
52. 1:42some distance from time to time.
53. 1:44>> I attempt to surf.
54. 1:45>> Do you wear a little outfit for surfing?
55. 1:48>> Um I happen to be wearing it under my
56. 1:50dress right now.
57. 1:51>> Really?
58. 1:51>> Yeah, do you want to see it?
59. 1:53>> Yeah.
60. 1:57>> [applause]
61. 1:58>> In psychology, this is called the
62. 2:00commodity theory. Basically, the more
63. 2:02attention you give, the less valuable it
64. 2:05feels. The harder your attention is to
65. 2:07get, the more valuable it becomes.
66. 2:10Number two, power. Do you know what most
67. 2:13of the top 20 law firms in America have
68. 2:15in common? They have been trained by a
69. 2:17communication team called Johnson &
70. 2:19Hunter Inc. And we can actually steal
71. 2:22some of their secrets. Let's start with
72. 2:24the body movements. You can't hear a
73. 2:26word of what he's saying, but you can
74. 2:28subconsciously tell that he's not
75. 2:30powerful and confident. When we're
76. 2:32nervous, we tend to move more without
77. 2:35realizing it. But when we feel
78. 2:37confident, we naturally become more
79. 2:39still. Now, the good part is that other
80. 2:41people can't know how we truly feel
81. 2:43inside. They only guess our emotions.
82. 2:46So, even if you're not confident, you'll
83. 2:49seem more confident by just remaining
84. 2:51more still. And it's the same way with
85. 2:53gesticulation. Here's an example of how
86. 2:55you should not gesture.
87. 2:57>> These gestures are small and fast and
88. 2:59jerky.
89. 3:00>> And now here's an example of how you
90. 3:01should gesture.
91. 3:03>> As a person who's comfortable, not
92. 3:04someone who's nervous.
93. 3:05>> Of course, powerful orators tend to also
94. 3:08speak a bit slower, making them feel
95. 3:10calmer and more in control of the
96. 3:13situation. But I know what you might
97. 3:14say. It would be easier to seem
98. 3:16confident if you could actually get rid
99. 3:18of your nervousness. But for that, we
100. 3:20have to step back from the attorney
101. 3:22training and take a quick look into
102. 3:24medicine. You see, when we become
103. 3:26nervous, our bodies activate something
104. 3:28called the fight or flight response.
105. 3:30That's why we fidget more, get voice
106. 3:32cracks, and feel our throats drying up.
107. 3:34But in our body, there's a component
108. 3:36called the vagus nerve. Think of him
109. 3:38like the anti-fight-or-flight guy.
110. 3:40Activating him slows down your heartbeat
111. 3:43and calms yourself down. So, throughout
112. 3:45the decades, the medical world came up
113. 3:47with some quick tricks that can increase
114. 3:49his activity. A, the Valsalva maneuver.
115. 3:52Basically, trying to breathe out while
116. 3:54keeping your mouth and nose closed. But,
117. 3:56that only works when you're alone. If
118. 3:58you're on a date, I've got a different
119. 4:00method for you. B, prolonged exhales.
120. 4:03Apparently, trying to breathe slower
121. 4:05with a longer exhale than inhales can
122. 4:07also calm you down. Number three, warm.
123. 4:10Philip Chesterfield was only 13 when his
124. 4:13mother died. His father, although not
125. 4:15completely absent, sent him to grow up
126. 4:17at his grandmother's house. The best
127. 4:19blessings he could have received because
128. 4:22his grandmother, Marchioness of Halifax,
129. 4:24hosted meetings with some of the most
130. 4:26important politicians and social figures
131. 4:28of that time. So, Chesterfield spent his
132. 4:31entire childhood listening and learning
133. 4:33how to maneuver social dynamics. For
134. 4:35him, the rules of charm were simple. To
135. 4:38be liked by women, you must be esteemed
136. 4:40by men, and to please men, you must be
137. 4:43agreeable to women. Now, in the years he
138. 4:45spent learning, he discovered that women
139. 4:47respond best to compliments. But, a
140. 4:50gentleman should not limit himself with
141. 4:52mediocre compliments. In his writings,
142. 4:54he said that you should seek to praise
143. 4:57someone's particular merit, their
144. 4:59predominant passion, or their prevailing
145. 5:01weakness. In a few short years, Philip
146. 5:04Chesterfield became Lord Chesterfield
147. 5:07and one of the most loved courtiers in
148. 5:09all of the United Kingdom. Here are some
149. 5:11examples of his compliments. For
150. 5:13particular merit, if she says something
151. 5:15like, "That is my favorite color." You
152. 5:17can respond with, "Yeah, I can tell by
153. 5:19how you matched your red shirt with the
154. 5:21shoes." Very beautiful, by the way. For
155. 5:23predominant passion, you can say, "You
156. 5:25know, you can be pretty interesting
157. 5:27sometimes." And for prevailing weakness,
158. 5:29if she wears braces, you can say, "You
159. 5:31have a beautiful smile, by the way."
160. 5:33Here's a few more examples from my
161. 5:35School Community. If you're a guy
162. 5:36struggling to build attraction and
163. 5:38falling into the friend zone, click the
164. 5:39link in the description and try the
165. 5:41community for 7 days for free. But, as
166. 5:43Dr. Albert Mehrabian found in 1967, only
167. 5:477% of communication is verbal. The rest
168. 5:50comes from tone and body language. In
169. 5:53the book Cues, the communication expert
170. 5:55Vanessa Van Edwards revealed the most
171. 5:57important warmth cues. By the way, these
172. 6:00are the same cues a girl will do if she
173. 6:02likes you. If you want to find even
174. 6:04more, check out this video.