The Retirement Lie Nobody Told Gen X — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00I'm going to tell you a secret about
2. 0:01retirement.
3. 0:03And it's not the obvious stuff, okay?
4. 0:06So, I'm not going to talk about the
5. 0:06pension, not the freedom, not finally
6. 0:10being able to go to Tesco's on a Tuesday
7. 0:14morning like a person of independent
8. 0:16means. This is something deeper,
9. 0:18something that I've spent years actually
10. 0:21trying to properly understand. It's a
11. 0:24shift so significant that most people
12. 0:27don't even notice that it's happening
13. 0:29until it's already changed everything.
14. 0:31Now, I'm not going to tell you how to
15. 0:32live your life. That's not what this is
16. 0:35today. But, if you're Gen X like me,
17. 0:39still waiting for retirement to give you
18. 0:41permission to actually start living,
19. 0:43this might be the most useful 10-ish
20. 0:47minutes that you spend today, which
21. 0:49given how your day is probably going,
22. 0:52isn't really saying much, but still.
23. 0:54Now, Gen X was sold a very simple deal,
24. 0:56weren't we? You know, work hard, keep
25. 0:59your head down, pay your bills,
26. 1:02don't make a fuss, buy a house if you
27. 1:04can,
28. 1:05raise the kids, look after your parents,
29. 1:08try not to put your back out getting
30. 1:11something from the bottom cupboard, and
31. 1:13then one magical day, somewhere around
32. 1:1665, life would apparently begin.
33. 1:19Well, that was the deal, wasn't it? You
34. 1:21know, you graft for 40 years, sit
35. 1:23through approximately 17,000
36. 1:26pointless meetings, pretending to
37. 1:29understand at least three new workplace
38. 1:32systems that you didn't even ask for,
39. 1:34and then eventually
40. 1:36someone gives you a cake, a card signed
41. 1:38by people who don't even know your
42. 1:40surname,
43. 1:41and says, "Enjoy retirement."
44. 1:44Lovely. Except now, a lot of Gen X,
45. 1:47myself included, we're looking at that
46. 1:49deal and thinking, "Hang on just a
47. 1:51minute. What if retirement comes too
48. 1:54late? What if I finally get freedom 67,
49. 1:58but you know, my health is already
50. 2:00dodged the bill and sneaked out the
51. 2:02restaurant bathroom window? What if I
52. 2:04spend the best healthy years of my life
53. 2:07staring at spreadsheets, answering
54. 2:10emails, and pretending to care about
55. 2:13quality targets? Because I'll tell you
56. 2:15what people, I don't want my life's
57. 2:16great reward to be sitting in a garden
58. 2:19center cafe at 68, eating a scone,
59. 2:22whispering to myself, "Well, at least
60. 2:25I've survived Microsoft Teams, Google
61. 2:27Meet meetings, whatever it is."
62. 2:30So, this isn't me today saying quit your
63. 2:32job tomorrow, cash in your pension, buy
64. 2:35a camper van, and start selling
65. 2:37miniature clay monsters on the shores of
66. 2:39Loch Ness. Although to be fair, some
67. 2:41people actually genuinely do that, and
68. 2:43it actually looks quite good. I could
69. 2:45probably see myself doing that. This is
70. 2:46something deeper. This is about Gen X
71. 2:50realizing that we may have spent far too
72. 2:53long waiting for permission to live.
73. 2:56See, the problem is, most of us were
74. 2:57raised to be useful, not necessarily
75. 3:00happy-mind, but useful nonetheless. You
76. 3:03know, we were the latchkey kids. We We
77. 3:06let ourselves in after school. We made
78. 3:08beans on toast as a luxury when we were
79. 3:12literally just fed up with jam
80. 3:13sandwiches. We drank from hose pipes,
81. 3:15watched films that were completely
82. 3:17inappropriate for our age, and everybody
83. 3:19just shrugged. I watched Texas Chainsaw
84. 3:22Massacre when I was eight. Eight. Uh we
85. 3:25weren't wrapped in bubble wrap, that's
86. 3:27for sure. We were wrapped in mild
87. 3:29neglect and Findus crispy pancakes. But
88. 3:32you know what? It gave us resilience.
89. 3:35But that also gave us a problem. We
90. 3:37learned to just crack on.
91. 3:40Tired? Crack on. Stressed? Crack on.
92. 3:45Marriage wobbling a bit? Crack on. Your
93. 3:47back hurts? Crack on. Deep existential
94. 3:51dread while standing in a DIY shop B&Q
95. 3:55while choosing grout. Crack on. In the
96. 3:58pub every night, crack on. And now a lot
97. 4:00of us are in our late 40s, 50s, creeping
98. 4:04towards 60, starting to realize that
99. 4:06cracking [snorts] on isn't a life plan.
100. 4:09It's just a very slow way of
101. 4:11disappearing.
102. 4:12Apart from the pub.
103. 4:14Yeah, crack on with that. So, I've got a
104. 4:15couple of reasons for you which I'm
105. 4:17going to go over now. My first reason
106. 4:18why retirement might not happen when you
107. 4:20think because this is the thing nobody
108. 4:22likes to say out loud. Retirement might
109. 4:25not happen the way you planned. You
110. 4:27know, we all picture it the same way.
111. 4:29We'll stroll into work one day,
112. 4:31spiritually complete, you know,
113. 4:34financially sorted, probably wearing
114. 4:36your best outfit, linen maybe, and
115. 4:39announce, "That's me done.
116. 4:42I'm finished." You know, there'll be
117. 4:43speeches, someone from accounts will
118. 4:45probably cry despite barely speaking to
119. 4:48you since 2014.
120. 4:50But, sometimes retirement chooses you. A
121. 4:53health scare, a redundancy, a company
122. 4:56restructure, a boss half your age who
123. 4:59describes you as experienced in the same
124. 5:03tone people use for an old sofa. You
125. 5:06know, one minute you're valuable, the
126. 5:08next you're not aligned with the future
127. 5:11direction of the business, which is
128. 5:13literally just corporate speech for, you
129. 5:15know, you remember fax machines and
130. 5:17you're expensive. See, life doesn't send
131. 5:19you a polite calendar invite, does it?
132. 5:22Freedom begins next Thursday at 10:30,
133. 5:25smart casual. So, the real question
134. 5:27isn't, "Can I retire tomorrow?" For most
135. 5:29people, obviously not. The better
136. 5:31question is, "What can I start changing
137. 5:33now so I'm not completely trapped
138. 5:36later?" Now, that might mean reducing
139. 5:39debt, building a small side income,
140. 5:42working fewer hours, or just admitting
141. 5:45that the job you once loved has become
142. 5:48an emotional vending machine that takes
143. 5:50your soul
144. 5:52and just gives you nothing in return but
145. 5:53stress. See, another reason to stop
146. 5:55waiting for retirement before you start
147. 5:57living is that your healthy years.
148. 6:00They're the real currency, not your
149. 6:01pension pot, not your job title, not the
150. 6:04size of your kitchen island. You know,
151. 6:07your healthy years. Money matters,
152. 6:09obviously, cuz I'm not going to walk
153. 6:11here like some mystical bloke in sandals
154. 6:14telling you money doesn't matter. Try
155. 6:16paying British Gas with gratitude and
156. 6:18inner peace. See how that
157. 6:19[clears throat] goes. But health is the
158. 6:21bit that we keep forgetting.
159. 6:23You know, at 30 you think energy is
160. 6:25unlimited. At 40 you notice it has terms
161. 6:28and conditions. And then at 50
162. 6:31I keep saying this, but it's so true.
163. 6:33You make a noise getting off the sofa
164. 6:34that sounds like a haunted barn door.
165. 6:37If you know what a haunted barn door
166. 6:38sounds like, that is. And suddenly you
167. 6:40realize there are things that you can do
168. 6:42now that you might not be able to do
169. 6:44later. Walks,
170. 6:46trips, time with your kids, starting
171. 6:49something new, taking a chance, having a
172. 6:53proper life before your body
173. 6:55starts to wind down, before it starts
174. 6:58complaining to you. You know, we keep
175. 7:00treating retirement like this it's the
176. 7:02start line to freedom. But what if it's
177. 7:05not? What if the good years aren't
178. 7:07waiting at the end of the corporate
179. 7:09assault course? You know, what if
180. 7:10they're the ones that you're currently
181. 7:12trading away for a salary, a bit of
182. 7:14security, and the privilege of being
183. 7:17copied into emails that have absolutely
184. 7:20nothing to do with you? It's complete
185. 7:22madness when you think about it. And the
186. 7:24third reason to stop waiting for
187. 7:26retirement to live your life is that as
188. 7:28a Gen Xer, you are carrying everybody.
189. 7:31Kids who still need us, parents who
190. 7:34increasingly need us, partners,
191. 7:37employers who want more more more, and
192. 7:39dogs who somehow need walking at the
193. 7:42exact moment you finally sit down. You
194. 7:45see, we are the sandwich generation and
195. 7:47not a nice sandwich. Not a Not a lovely
196. 7:50chicken and bacon club with crisps on
197. 7:53the side. We're the You know, that sad
198. 7:55motorway service station sandwich,
199. 7:58slightly damp, far too expensive, and
200. 8:01somehow
201. 8:02both dry and wet at the same time. You
202. 8:05know, nobody really talks about the
203. 8:06emotional weight of that. You know,
204. 8:08you're taking your mom to appointments,
205. 8:10helping your dad with things he used to
206. 8:12do easily, worrying about your children
207. 8:16while trying to keep your own life
208. 8:19together
209. 8:20in the middle of all of it. It's not
210. 8:22easy. And this is exactly why I live
211. 8:24later. It's just so bleeding dangerous
212. 8:27because later might not be peaceful.
213. 8:31Later might be more responsibility, more
214. 8:35tiredness, more loss.
215. 8:37And that's not me being miserable with
216. 8:39you. That's just honesty. And sometimes
217. 8:43being honest is the thing that finally
218. 8:46wakes us up.
219. 8:49So, this nature reserve here is great.
220. 8:51We're going to go and finish up on the
221. 8:52beach here, which is a great place to
222. 8:54finish the video. Now, I want to be very
223. 8:55clear with you. I'm not saying throw
224. 8:58your life into chaos. I'm not saying
225. 9:00march into work tomorrow, call your
226. 9:02manager a
227. 9:04the lanyard, and storm out.
228. 9:06Tempting, but no. You know, this is not
229. 9:09about recklessness. It's about redesign.
230. 9:12Most of us don't need to retire
231. 9:14immediately. We just need to stop living
232. 9:17like retirement is the only doorway to
233. 9:20freedom. That's the lie. That's the lie
234. 9:23that we're sold as a Gen Xer. Freedom
235. 9:25might mean just working differently,
236. 9:27living cheaper, needing less, saying no
237. 9:31more often, building something of your
238. 9:34own. You know, sometimes the most
239. 9:35radical thing that you can do in
240. 9:37mid-life is not buy another thing you
241. 9:39don't need to impress people you don't
242. 9:42like. How many times do we hear that?
243. 9:44Because every payment quietly says the
244. 9:47same thing, back to work you go.
245. 9:50So, don't buy the Tesla. Just make do
246. 9:53with the
247. 9:54Fiat Picanto.
248. 9:55Don't get that super duper new QLED
249. 9:59LCD FTS 75-in TV. And yes, I did say FTS
250. 10:05there deliberately.
251. 10:06My hair's a mess under this cap, which
252. 10:08is why I'm keeping it on.
253. 10:11So, anyway, one day there's going to be
254. 10:12a moment when all of this becomes very,
255. 10:15very simple.
256. 10:16You're going to have a health scare,
257. 10:18you know, losing someone suddenly,
258. 10:21looking in the mirror and thinking,
259. 10:23"Well, when did I become this tired and
260. 10:25this old?"
261. 10:27You'll be sitting in traffic some wet
262. 10:30Friday morning, but you're realizing
263. 10:32you've built a life on the outside to
264. 10:34everybody that you really shouldn't give
265. 10:35two hoots about, that looks responsible,
266. 10:39but feels completely empty.
267. 10:41And in that moment, I'm telling you, you
268. 10:44won't care about those meetings, you
269. 10:46won't care about being seen as reliable.
270. 10:50Now, I've said this before, I really
271. 10:51have, but nobody, and I mean nobody,
272. 10:54gets to the end and thinks, "I wish I'd
273. 10:56spent more time demonstrating workplace
274. 10:59agility." Go and read the book, Bronnie
275. 11:02Ware's Regrets of the Dying. You know,
276. 11:05nobody's final regret is, "I should have
277. 11:07attended more webinars."
278. 11:10See, the regrets that we get are
279. 11:12quieter.
280. 11:13"I wish I'd spent more time with those
281. 11:15people I loved. I wish I'd taken that
282. 11:17trip to Machu Picchu." Or Blackpool,
283. 11:21whatever. Actually, the Boulevard Hotel
284. 11:23behind the big roller coaster in
285. 11:25Blackpool is really nice. You know, I
286. 11:27wish I'd started the thing, whatever
287. 11:29that thing is. I wish I'd been brave
288. 11:31enough to change when I still had the
289. 11:34energy. That's the real danger for Gen
290. 11:36X, not that we can't retire, that we
291. 11:38wait so long to live that by the time we
292. 11:40finally allow ourselves to start,
293. 11:43we're exhausted.
294. 11:45So, what do we actually do then? We
295. 11:47start small. Not dramatic, not reckless,
296. 11:50not I've sold the house and I've moved
297. 11:52to a yurt small. Oh, no. But, if you
298. 11:55have sold the house and moved to a yurt,
299. 11:57fair enough. At least you've made a
300. 11:58decision, right?
301. 12:00So, we start real small. Look at what
302. 12:02your life actually costs. Look at what
303. 12:05drains you and what gives you energy.
304. 12:08Look at who gets the best of you and who
305. 12:11just gets the leftovers.
306. 12:13Could you work less, earn differently,
307. 12:16reduce what you need? See, build
308. 12:18something now that gives you options
309. 12:20later.
310. 12:21Cuz options are freedom. You don't need
311. 12:23millions in the bank, you know, to not
312. 12:25perfect circumstances. Nobody is waiting
313. 12:28till everything is perfect. Everything
314. 12:31is never perfect. Everything is a boiler
315. 12:34making a new noise and a parking ticket
316. 12:36that you just definitely didn't deserve.
317. 12:38You just need a bit of breathing room, a
318. 12:40bit of life that actually belongs to
319. 12:43you. See, Gen X were told to endure and
320. 12:46we're good at it. We've endured
321. 12:48recessions, ridiculous house prices,
322. 12:52dial-up [clears throat] internet, you
323. 12:53know, and the emotional trauma of trying
324. 12:55to record songs off the radio while the
325. 12:58DJ talked over the intro. I could never
326. 13:01get that right. See, but maybe this next
327. 13:03chapter isn't about enduring. Maybe it's
328. 13:06about choosing. Choosing time, choosing
329. 13:09simpler, choosing less nonsense,
330. 13:11choosing to stop postponing joy until
331. 13:14some mythical age when everything
332. 13:17finally becomes convenient because it
333. 13:19might not. Convenient, in my experience,
334. 13:22is a place nobody ever actually arrives
335. 13:25at.
336. 13:26You know, there's always one more thing.
337. 13:29One more bill. One more reason to wait
338. 13:32until January. So, about to go and
339. 13:34finish in the car because I broke my
340. 13:35blooming wireless microphone on the
341. 13:37beach and you wouldn't have heard me
342. 13:38from the wind. So, no, I'm not telling
343. 13:40you to retire tomorrow. I'm telling you
344. 13:42to stop waiting for retirement before
345. 13:44you start living because your life is
346. 13:46not a reward that you collect at the
347. 13:48end. It's happening now. Right now, in
348. 13:51fact. You know, while you're watching
349. 13:53some bloke on YouTube talk about it,
350. 13:55which is either very convenient or
351. 13:57deeply ironic. I'm not sure which, to be
352. 14:00honest. And if you are Gen X, maybe the
353. 14:02most rebellious thing that you can do at
354. 14:04this stage of life
355. 14:06it's not work harder, it's to finally
356. 14:09ask yourself, what am I actually working
357. 14:11for?
358. 14:13You know, sit with that one. Not for too
359. 14:15long, obviously, cuz you've got emails,
360. 14:17but sit with it. And if the answer
361. 14:18doesn't feel good, then maybe it's time
362. 14:21to change the deal. So, thanks for
363. 14:23walking with me today around the Crimdon
364. 14:25Dene, I think it's called it's a nature
365. 14:26reserve. If you've enjoyed this video
366. 14:28today, then go and give this one a watch
367. 14:30here where I do a little bit of a talk
368. 14:32about why sometimes everything you want
369. 14:34in life or you think you want in life
370. 14:36doesn't pan out, but why that can be a
371. 14:39good thing and the lessons you learn
372. 14:40from it can shape you into a resilient
373. 14:43person now that you're in your 50s and
374. 14:4560s.
375. 14:46I'll see you soon on another video and
376. 14:48you know what I'm going to say, keep
377. 14:49wondering and keep wondering.