The Reason Broadcasters Want to Desexualize Women's Sports Will Make You LOL — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00The European Broadcasting Union has
2. 0:02issued new guidelines on how to film
3. 0:04women's sporting events so that the
4. 0:06athletes won't appear sexually
5. 0:08appealing.
6. 0:09I know what you're thinking. You're
7. 0:10thinking, "Oh, Clavin, you marvelous
8. 0:13merchant of mirth, how is it possible
9. 0:15your effervescent imagination keeps
10. 0:17merrily spewing bubbles of laughter into
11. 0:19the air until all of life seems a frothy
12. 0:21elixir of hilarity?"
13. 0:22Who would you could dream up a scenario
14. 0:25in which some Europeans have so little
15. 0:27to occupy their lives they actually
16. 0:28found time to think of a way to
17. 0:30discourage the six or seven people who
18. 0:32watch women's sports from watching
19. 0:34women's sports?
20. 0:36Where but in the imagination of a living
21. 0:38genius of joy could there blossom a
22. 0:40fabrication so absurd that it could
23. 0:42actually make the incipient takeover of
24. 0:44Europe by radical Muslim rapists and
25. 0:46murderers seem like kind of an
26. 0:47improvement over the Europe we have now?
27. 0:50But no, so help me, I am not making this
28. 0:53story up. The European Broadcasting
29. 0:56Union, whose members operate nearly
30. 0:572,000 media outlets that reach audiences
31. 1:00of more than a billion people across the
32. 1:02continent, has drawn up a list of
33. 1:04disrespectful camera angles that are to
34. 1:06be avoided to make sure that televised
35. 1:09women's sports do not become sexualized
36. 1:11or have any other reason to exist.
37. 1:14For instance, according to the document
38. 1:16released by the EBU, camera operators
39. 1:18should not use low angles during such
40. 1:20events as the women's pole vault lest it
41. 1:23provide male viewers with a momentary
42. 1:25view between the jumper's legs and
43. 1:26afford them a glimpse of a gateway into
44. 1:28a heaven of pleasure beyond their
45. 1:29wildest imaginations.
46. 1:31Likewise, camera operators should avoid
47. 1:33close-ups on a female athlete's face
48. 1:36during her moments of maximum effort
49. 1:38lest it cause male viewers to speculate
50. 1:40that such an expression might be similar
51. 1:41to the one she has when she has been
52. 1:43coaxed to a pinnacle of ecstasy by an
53. 1:45expert lover's masterful yet tender
54. 1:47caresses.
55. 1:48Slow-motion replays of the efforts of
56. 1:50women runners should be avoided,
57. 1:52especially if the runners are well
58. 1:53endowed, for fear it will remind the
59. 1:55viewer of that time when he was 13 and
60. 1:57the new Tomb Raider game came out with a
61. 1:59Lara Croft who could actually jiggle so
62. 2:01that he sat in front of the TV pressing
63. 2:03the jump button over and over until he
64. 2:06developed carpal tunnel syndrome and had
65. 2:08to tell his mother he had been typing a
66. 2:09lot because he was writing a
67. 2:11dissertation on the Temptations of Saint
68. 2:13Anthony.
69. 2:14Also discouraged is any camera angle
70. 2:17that falls below the waist of a female
71. 2:18tennis player, thus revealing the way
72. 2:20her adorable little skirt sometimes
73. 2:22flies up in the air during her backhand
74. 2:24so that the viewer's eye can trace the
75. 2:26mind-destroying curve of her silken legs
76. 2:29from her sneaker-covered but doubtlessly
77. 2:30suckable toes to the underwear so
78. 2:32wonderfully filled by her
79. 2:33soul-particlizing shapeliness.
80. 2:36The EBU's British chairman, Sir Nigel
81. 2:38Schoolbottom, says the new guidelines
82. 2:41are meant to eliminate any glimpse of
83. 2:43any part of any female athlete's body
84. 2:45that might sexually excite the male
85. 2:47viewer. And since virtually every
86. 2:49glimpse of every part of every female
87. 2:51athlete's body will likely sexualize
88. 2:53sexually excite the male viewer, Sir
89. 2:55Schoolbottom recommends that every
90. 2:57potential potentially thrilling video of
91. 2:59a woman during a sporting event should
92. 3:01be instantly replaced by the image of a
93. 3:04naked schoolboy being caned by a stern
94. 3:06yet ruggedly handsome headmaster so that
95. 3:08the viewer comes to understand just how
96. 3:10very naughty he has been for thinking
97. 3:12those dirty thoughts about someone of
98. 3:14the same gender as Sir Schoolbottom's
99. 3:16beloved mum.
100. 3:19Now some critics have pointed out that
101. 3:20men are more interested in looking at
102. 3:22women's bodies than they are in
103. 3:23appreciating their athletic prowess
104. 3:26or indeed their intellectual
105. 3:27capabilities or career achievements or
106. 3:29ideas or conversation.
107. 3:31And that banning sexually stimulating
108. 3:33camera angles might reduce the audience
109. 3:35for women's sports to three
110. 3:36virtue-signaling lesbians who are only
111. 3:39pretending to give a damn, thus making
112. 3:41it almost impossible for women athletes
113. 3:43to garner an audience and earn a living.
114. 3:46However, the European Broadcasting Union
115. 3:48suggests that problem could be addressed
116. 3:50if the women athletes simply supplement
117. 3:53their incomes by opening accounts with
118. 3:55only fans. For more Clevany
119. 3:57magnificence, like [music] and
120. 3:58subscribe. And for even more magnificent
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122. 4:02Klavan show wherever you get your
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