The Real Reason You Can't Find Your Personal Style (It’s Not What You Think) — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00What if the reason you haven't found
2. 0:01your personal style is because you're
3. 0:04looking in the wrong place? Let me
4. 0:06explain. One of the reasons why it's so
5. 0:08hard to find our personal style is
6. 0:11because it's personal. It's not
7. 0:14something you can borrow or buy. Sure,
8. 0:17copying outfits from Pinterest is a
9. 0:19great starting point, but personal style
10. 0:22is really a journey of self-discovery,
11. 0:25of really figuring out your values and
12. 0:27what resonates with you. So, in this
13. 0:30video, I want to share some personal
14. 0:32style advice that I wish I had in my
15. 0:35early 20ies when I was trying to figure
16. 0:38things out because it would have saved
17. 0:41me so much time and money and confusion.
18. 0:45Personal style is a byproduct of living
19. 0:49your life and doing things and creating
20. 0:51things. It's shaped by the things that
21. 0:54you do in your life, by the hobbies you
22. 0:58feel passionate about, the books that
23. 1:00you read, the places you've traveled to,
24. 1:02the music you listen to, and everything
25. 1:04in between. That's how you build taste.
26. 1:07It's through the act of living. And you
27. 1:09just can't copy that from someone else.
28. 1:12If you're chronically online scrolling
29. 1:14Pinterest and pinning quiet luxury
30. 1:18outfits trying to emulate a life that
31. 1:20you're not actually living, it's never
32. 1:23going to feel authentic. Style isn't
33. 1:25just about what you're wearing. It's
34. 1:27about who you are and what you're doing.
35. 1:30I think that the most stylish people are
36. 1:33the ones that aren't even trying to be
37. 1:35stylish at all. They are just living and
38. 1:39they're deeply engaged with the world
39. 1:41around them. I think of people like Fran
40. 1:43Liuititz with her sharp tailoring and
41. 1:46her denim and her cowboy boots. Her
42. 1:48uniform is practical and defiant and
43. 1:51it's a personification of her and her
44. 1:54nononsense attitude. Or Iris Atul whose
45. 1:57bold and playful style reflects a
46. 2:00lifetime of collecting and designing and
47. 2:03curating. It's an extension of her eye
48. 2:06for interiors and her love of color. Or
49. 2:09even Miles Davis, whose effortlessly
50. 2:12cool and polished look evolved alongside
51. 2:16his sound. None of these people set out
52. 2:19to become fashion icons. It just so
53. 2:22happened because they were so immersed
54. 2:25in their craft and then their style
55. 2:28followed naturally. I really think that
56. 2:30if you want to develop longlasting
57. 2:33personal style, you have to get
58. 2:35interested in things outside of fashion.
59. 2:38That's where your taste begins and that
60. 2:40in turn will feed in to your personal
61. 2:43style. One way that I'm doing this right
62. 2:45now is by taking beginner drawing
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93. 3:54started today. So you found your
94. 3:56hobbies, you're living your life, and
95. 3:58yet your personal style still doesn't
96. 4:01feel right. And this might be because of
97. 4:04one very unsexy word that we rarely
98. 4:08associate with style. And that word is
99. 4:10pragmatic. We talk a lot about
100. 4:13expressing ourselves through our
101. 4:14clothes, but not enough about whether
102. 4:17those clothes actually fit our
103. 4:20lifestyle. Because the truth is, an
104. 4:22outfit can look amazing, but if it is
105. 4:25not practical, sensible, or realistic
106. 4:29for your lifestyle, then why are you
107. 4:31wearing it? This is something I've
108. 4:32really come to understand as I get
109. 4:35older. There's this quote that comes to
110. 4:37mind from Sex in the City. I think it's
111. 4:39Samantha that says it. If you were 25,
112. 4:42that would be adorable. But you're 32
113. 4:44now, so it's just stupid. And I just
114. 4:48turned 33 a few days ago. And yeah, that
115. 4:52line really resonates with me now. I
116. 4:54think when I was younger, I had the
117. 4:56energy to wear things that were maybe
118. 5:00like not practical and uncomfortable and
119. 5:03didn't really make sense for my life.
120. 5:05And that's fine. That is just a phase of
121. 5:08figuring things out and learning and
122. 5:10growing. But now, as I'm in my 30s, I
123. 5:14just really need my wardrobe to work for
124. 5:17me, not against me. So, let me give you
125. 5:20a few examples of things that I wore in
126. 5:22my 20ies that just like would never make
127. 5:24sense for me to do now. Shoes that
128. 5:26looked absolutely adorable, but were so
129. 5:30painful and gave me blisters. coats that
130. 5:32looked warm but were actually really
131. 5:35thin and made of synthetic fibers so did
132. 5:39not keep me warm at all. I'm going to
133. 5:41try and see if I can find a design of
134. 5:43it, but I used to have this bag that had
135. 5:45a metal handle like metal and I used it
136. 5:49for work so I really put a lot of stuff
137. 5:51in there and I just don't know how I
138. 5:53carried that thing around. So, what
139. 5:55makes an item practical or sensible for
140. 5:58your lifestyle? This is personal and you
141. 6:01know things that are practical and
142. 6:03sensible for me may not be the same for
143. 6:05you. But once you work these things out,
144. 6:09this is just one stepping stone of great
145. 6:13personal style. So here are some
146. 6:15pragmatic things to think about when
147. 6:18choosing your clothes. So obviously a
148. 6:20big one is the climate that you live in.
149. 6:23I live in London where the temperature
150. 6:26is like quite mild to be honest. So, I
151. 6:30like to wear a lot of light layers that
152. 6:32I can easily take on and off. I sold a
153. 6:35huge chunk of summer clothing before I
154. 6:38moved back to London from Sydney because
155. 6:40I just knew I wouldn't need it. It's
156. 6:42such a boring thing to think about, but
157. 6:44the climate really does play a huge part
158. 6:46in your personal style. You also need to
159. 6:49think about how sensitive you are to
160. 6:52your climate. So, for example, I get hot
161. 6:55quite easily. Fun fact that I don't
162. 6:58think I've ever shared with anyone, not
163. 7:00even my friends. I have
164. 7:03hyperhydrosis, which means I sweat a
165. 7:06lot, more than the average person. So,
166. 7:09not only does this mean I choose my
167. 7:11fabrics and my layers very carefully, it
168. 7:14also dictates the colors I wear as well.
169. 7:17And it's a big part of the reason why I
170. 7:20wear a lot of black because it hides
171. 7:22sweat. You will never catch me in a gray
172. 7:26long sleeve tight top because I would
173. 7:28just be living in fear that the sweat is
174. 7:32going to start peeking through. You
175. 7:34might also be sensitive to certain
176. 7:36fabrics. I know a lot of people can't
177. 7:38wear wool, whereas I love wearing wool
178. 7:41like all year round. And even the
179. 7:44structure of some fabrics. Do you prefer
180. 7:46looser fabrics or ones that are stiff
181. 7:50and more structured? You also need to
182. 7:52think about your daily activities. Do
183. 7:55you bike to work? Do you walk? Do you
184. 7:58commute? These things are going to play
185. 8:00into what you wear. Do you work in an
186. 8:02office or do you work from home?
187. 8:04Obviously, that's a really big one. And
188. 8:06if you do work in an office, is your
189. 8:08office, you know, very casual or is it
190. 8:10quite formal? There's no point having 10
191. 8:13pairs of really nice heels when you only
192. 8:16go out once every three months. And then
193. 8:19another unsexy thing to think about is
194. 8:21laundry. How much time do you have to do
195. 8:24laundry? Some people really hate doing
196. 8:27laundry and I get that. Some people
197. 8:30don't mind it. I don't have kids. I work
198. 8:33from home. I have a lot of time on my
199. 8:36hands. or not a lot but you know more
200. 8:38than someone who is a parent and so I
201. 8:42don't mind having to hand wash my
202. 8:44clothes. So you know having items like
203. 8:47cashmere or silk is okay for me but if
204. 8:50you don't have the time or if you don't
205. 8:52want to pay for dry cleaning then you
206. 8:55know having cashmre or silk items is not
207. 8:58going to work for you. If you don't have
208. 8:59the time to do ironing then you're going
209. 9:01to want fabrics that don't wrinkle
210. 9:04easily. And if your home doesn't have
211. 9:07space to hang dry your clothes and you
212. 9:09know you have no choice but to use a
213. 9:11tumble dryer, then your clothes need to
214. 9:14be able to withstand that as well. And
215. 9:16if you have any animals, if you have any
216. 9:18pets, do you need clothes that don't
217. 9:23show all the fur that your pets might be
218. 9:25shedding? Or maybe you can't wear any
219. 9:28like fragile or delicate pieces of
220. 9:30clothing just in case your pets get
221. 9:34their claws into it. And that is just a
222. 9:36small fraction of things that need to be
223. 9:39considered. There is a real sweet spot
224. 9:42between things that look
225. 9:45nice and things that are practical. And
226. 9:49when you hit that middle sweet spot, it
227. 9:52is such a win because only looking good
228. 9:55is just not enough for me anymore. I
229. 9:58need my items of clothing to be
230. 10:00functional and to work for my lifestyle
231. 10:02as well. So before we even consider how
232. 10:05an item looks, it needs to meet these
233. 10:08pragmatic conditions first. You are
234. 10:11trying to buy good style. Let me make a
235. 10:14confession. I've come to realize that in
236. 10:18my early 20ies I was a shopahholic.
237. 10:20Thankfully, I never went into debt or
238. 10:23anything like that, but you know, I
239. 10:25wasn't earning a lot in my early 20ies,
240. 10:27and I was definitely living paycheck to
241. 10:30paycheck. I was scrolling ASOS like it
242. 10:33was my full-time job. I really thought
243. 10:35that buying new things weekly was
244. 10:38normal. I was definitely chasing the
245. 10:41feeling of having the perfect wardrobe.
246. 10:44always buying something new and thinking
247. 10:46that this piece is going to be the item
248. 10:50that makes everything click. But what I
249. 10:53didn't realize is the more I bought, the
250. 10:57less I understood my style. Style isn't
251. 11:01something that you can shortcut by
252. 11:03spending. It's something that you build
253. 11:05by rewearing and restyling and
254. 11:08reflecting. That's where the real
255. 11:10learning happens. And I've said this
256. 11:12before, personal style is about
257. 11:15consistency. You need to learn how
258. 11:17something moves on your body, how
259. 11:19something makes you feel, what
260. 11:22combinations are you always reaching for
261. 11:24again and again. And you can't do that
262. 11:27if you have a constant influx of new
263. 11:29items. Self-discovery takes time and
264. 11:33learning about yourself takes time. But
265. 11:36once you put in the effort to start
266. 11:39really honing in on your likes and your
267. 11:41dislikes and your values and your
268. 11:45shopping decisions, you're less likely
269. 11:47to be influenced by the constant hamster
270. 11:51wheel churn of must-have new items. When
271. 11:54we really dig deep into our why, we can
272. 11:57shift ourselves from being constant
273. 12:00consumers to slow and intentional
274. 12:03shoppers and only buy things when it
275. 12:05makes sense for our personal style. So,
276. 12:08this all sounds well and good and a bit,
277. 12:11you know, up here and philosophical, but
278. 12:13what can we actually do about it? Start
279. 12:15by styling the items you already own.
280. 12:17I'm not going to tell you to go on a no
281. 12:20buy. I know that works for some people.
282. 12:23If you want to try it out and it works
283. 12:25for you, that's great. I think it is a
284. 12:26really good place to start. But you want
285. 12:28to just really focus on the items you
286. 12:31already have in your wardrobe because
287. 12:34you bought them for a reason. So now is
288. 12:37the time to put them to the test. Try
289. 12:39and put together an outfit for
290. 12:41everything that you are doing. Even if
291. 12:43it's just walking down the road and
292. 12:46going to the post office. Style takes
293. 12:48effort and it takes practice. Yes, some
294. 12:51people might be born with, you know, a
295. 12:54slightly better eye than others, but it
296. 12:57still takes practice and it takes
297. 12:59putting together different combinations
298. 13:02all the time to really learn what looks
299. 13:05good on you and what you like and
300. 13:07there's really just no other way about
301. 13:08it. You have to put together different
302. 13:11combinations. Not every outfit is going
303. 13:13to be a 10 out of 10 and that is fine.
304. 13:15What you need to do now is dissect why
305. 13:19it's not a 10. Is it the shape? Is it
306. 13:22the fabric? Is the fabric too soft or is
307. 13:25it too rigid? Do you prefer something
308. 13:27with a bit more structure? Is there too
309. 13:29much color? Is there not enough color?
310. 13:31Is it not giving off a certain vibe that
311. 13:34you want? If not, why? You really have
312. 13:37to start analyzing and getting into the
313. 13:40details. And only then can you start
314. 13:43thinking about what you want to change
315. 13:45about the outfit so that it resonates
316. 13:47with you more. And our style is always
317. 13:49evolving because we are always changing
318. 13:52as well. An outfit formula that you
319. 13:54loved 2 years ago might not sit right
320. 13:57with you anymore. You might be in a
321. 13:59different phase of your life. Maybe your
322. 14:01body has changed or even just your mind
323. 14:03has changed and this outfit just doesn't
324. 14:06fit with who you are anymore. And that's
325. 14:08why style is a lifelong journey. True
326. 14:11personal style comes from experience. It
327. 14:15comes from the confidence of being able
328. 14:18to trust your gut with your choices and
329. 14:21what you feel most comfortable in. You
330. 14:24are buying too much of the same thing.
331. 14:27Believe you me, I have suffered through
332. 14:30this many times before and I'm going to
333. 14:32give you examples from my own wardrobe.
334. 14:35I used to think that having great style
335. 14:38meant having lots of variety, more
336. 14:40choices, more options, just more of
337. 14:42everything. But over the past year, as
338. 14:45I've been decluttering and just like
339. 14:48really trying to understand my personal
340. 14:51style more, I've realized that's really
341. 14:53not the case at all. Take the humble
342. 14:56white tank top. So, for me, a white tank
343. 15:00top is such a great staple. it works so
344. 15:05well for me. And so I thought I'm going
345. 15:07to buy all the different neckline
346. 15:10variations of a white tank top because
347. 15:13in theory that makes sense in my head.
348. 15:17But here's the thing, not all necklines
349. 15:20suit me.
350. 15:21Obviously, not everything is going to
351. 15:24suit my body frame and my shape. And I
352. 15:27just didn't take that into
353. 15:29consideration. So, even though I had all
354. 15:31these options of tank tops, white tank
355. 15:35tops, I was only wearing like one or two
356. 15:38of them. Style isn't about owning every
357. 15:41version of something. It's about
358. 15:43understanding what works for you. And
359. 15:46actually, I love wearing the same piece
360. 15:50over and over again. And it just took me
361. 15:52a while to learn that. Another reason
362. 15:54why having too much variety of the same
363. 15:58thing might not be working for you is
364. 16:01because it makes your outfits all feel
365. 16:04the same even though you are wearing
366. 16:08different pieces. Another example of
367. 16:10this from my own wardrobe are blue
368. 16:13jeans. Now don't get me wrong, I love my
369. 16:16blue jeans. I love wearing them. I know
370. 16:19it's something I can just wear and, you
371. 16:22know, I love it. With my blue jeans, you
372. 16:24know, I had a boyfriend cut, a straight
373. 16:27leg, maybe a slightly wider leg,
374. 16:30high-waisted, medium-waisted, and I
375. 16:33thought that having all these different
376. 16:36pairs of blue jeans worked in theory
377. 16:38because, you know, I was giving myself
378. 16:40options, and I love wearing blue jeans,
379. 16:42so this is great. But in practice, I
380. 16:44just ended up with items that made all
381. 16:48of my outfits feel too similar, even
382. 16:51though I had lots of options. And so,
383. 16:54this is where I started to introduce
384. 16:56different jeans in different colors so
385. 16:59that they had different purposes.
386. 17:02Instead of like five different pairs of
387. 17:04blue jeans, I edited down to maybe three
388. 17:07pairs and then added in an ecru pair and
389. 17:10a washed black pair so that there was
390. 17:13more variety. That way I was still
391. 17:15wearing a piece that I love, which is
392. 17:18denim, but I had more variety in all of
393. 17:23my outfits. And introducing these
394. 17:25different washes meant that I was still
395. 17:28wearing something I love, which is
396. 17:29denim, but I was giving my outfits a
397. 17:33newer and fresher perspective. Your
398. 17:36standards are too low. When it really
399. 17:39comes down to it, your shopping habits
400. 17:42ultimately shape the way you dress
401. 17:45because personal style starts with the
402. 17:48things that we decide to bring into our
403. 17:50wardrobes. Taking the time to shop with
404. 17:53intention is the first step to really
405. 17:56great personal style. The trouble is
406. 17:59there's so much out there and I
407. 18:01completely understand that it is so
408. 18:03overwhelming. But one of the ways that I
409. 18:06have shopped less and better is by
410. 18:11raising my standards. I have been burnt
411. 18:14way too many times by something that
412. 18:16looks amazing online, but then I see it
413. 18:20in person and, you know, the seams are
414. 18:22wonky, the stitches are uneven and the
415. 18:25buttons are falling off. If something is
416. 18:27made in, you know, a really cheap fabric
417. 18:30or the design just hasn't been well
418. 18:33thought out or it's just badly
419. 18:35constructed, I don't want it. No matter
420. 18:38how expensive it is, no matter what
421. 18:41brand it's from, if it doesn't meet my
422. 18:45standards, it's not entering my
423. 18:47wardrobe. And if something is not a good
424. 18:50standard, it's just not going to look
425. 18:52good on you. Something is going to look
426. 18:54and feel off, and it's just going to
427. 18:56affect the way you feel about your
428. 18:59personal style. Quality is probably like
429. 19:02the first deciding factor of whether I'm
430. 19:04going to keep something or not. Even if
431. 19:06I love the color, the cut, how it looks
432. 19:09on me, I love the brand, if it's not
433. 19:12good quality, then I don't want it. I've
434. 19:15been shopping for long enough now to
435. 19:17know that something else is going to
436. 19:20come along. And so, I no longer feel
437. 19:23buyer's remorse if I have to let
438. 19:25something go. So, what does high quality
439. 19:27actually mean? For me, I mainly purchase
440. 19:30natural fibers. I don't settle for poor
441. 19:34construction and I buy the best quality
442. 19:36that I can within my budget. I actually
443. 19:38made a whole video about how to shop for
444. 19:42high quality pieces. I will link that in
445. 19:46the description box if you are
446. 19:47interested. It's actually one of my best
447. 19:50videos. I personally think it's one of
448. 19:52my favorite videos that I've ever made.
449. 19:53I cover fabric, construction, and what
450. 19:57to look for when you're shopping.
451. 19:58Because let's be real, prices are going
452. 20:01up. But unfortunately, quality is not
453. 20:05following that same trajectory. So, it's
454. 20:07more important than ever to remind
455. 20:09ourselves what good quality clothing
456. 20:12should look like. And if you're thinking
457. 20:15about summer pieces, bear with me. I
458. 20:18have a summer version of that video
459. 20:21coming soon. I hope that this video made
460. 20:24you think about your personal style from
461. 20:26a different perspective. And let me know
462. 20:28if you sign up to Skillshare. I would
463. 20:30love to know what classes you end up
464. 20:32taking. If you want to stick around, I
465. 20:34have another video with tips on how to
466. 20:36build an authentic personal style and
467. 20:38that will be linked on the screen. As
468. 20:41always, thank you so much for watching
469. 20:42and I will see you in the next video.
470. 20:45Bye.