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The Quran on Psychological Trauma | Nouman Ali Khan — Transcript

by Nouman Ali Khan - Official - Bayyinah · 13,834 words · 2,445 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:01[music]
0:03>> In Western psychology, you are the
0:05center of the universe. I mean, you are
0:07the most important character. In the
0:08Quran, Allah is the most important
0:11entity. So, your healing is not coming
0:13from inside, it's coming from outside.
0:15It's coming from Allah.
0:17Is it possible that Allah is commanding
0:19you to do something?
0:21And if you do it, you're going to be
0:22traumatized. We are now experiencing
0:24where we're looking at
0:26these prophets and we're understanding
0:29that what they experienced is not a
0:30small amount of trauma. It's extreme.
0:33>> [music]
0:34>> It's an extreme form of trauma. And
0:36there's a lot of, you know, social media
0:39content about how traumatic how toxic
0:42your mother is and what a narcissist
0:44your brother is. Allah did not call
0:46Firaun a narcissist. Who calls himself
0:49God? Allah said, "Go speak to Firaun
0:51softly, maybe he will change." But in
0:53this new modern psychology, once you're
0:55a narcissist or once you're toxic,
0:58you're radioactive. You can't change.
1:00You're done. Finished. The difference
1:02between us and the Christian creed is
1:03you're broken and you will always be
1:04broken.
1:07With us, you can break and then you can
1:09fix again. And then you can break and
1:11you can what?
1:12Fix again.
1:18The thing I wish to talk to you about
1:19today is a very heavy subject.
1:23And that is human emotions in the Quran.
1:30>> [sighs]
1:30>> I wish I could tell you what I'm saying
1:32here
1:32because I don't know what I'm saying
1:33here.
1:34I mean, I don't know what I'm saying
1:35here. Salam alaikum warahmatullahi
1:36wabarakatuh everyone.
1:38Um I want to start by
1:40sharing some highlights of my
1:43Belgian and Netherlands experience
1:46this morning.
1:48Uh I went to a school. My One of my
1:50highlights was I went to a school and of
1:52course I heard all these kids playing
1:53around at the school and everybody's
1:55speaking Dutch.
1:56I don't know any Dutch.
1:57And uh we were going to leave. Uh but we
2:00decided to stop by one of the
2:01classrooms. And so, we're just outside
2:04the classroom and the teacher's still
2:05teaching. And then brother Sayed went in
2:07and got permission, and the door was
2:09open. So, the kids could hear me talking
2:12to my colleague in English. And the kid
2:14in the last row looked at me happy.
2:17And he said, "You speak English?"
2:21I was the one supposed to be surprised
2:23that he speaks English, but he was
2:25surprised that I speak cuz you speak
2:26English. I was like, "You speak
2:27English?" He goes, "Yeah."
2:29So, I sat down with him in the back of
2:31the class. We started talking. I was
2:32like, "How did you learn English?" He
2:33said, "YouTube."
2:36I said, "No. What do you watch on
2:37YouTube?" He said, "I don't want to tell
2:38you."
2:39>> [laughter]
2:43>> So, we kept having a conversation. And
2:45then just for fun, I said, "You know
2:46what?
2:47I think I'm on YouTube." He goes, "No."
2:50So, then I took out my phone and I
2:51looked myself up on YouTube. He goes,
2:53"That's you."
2:55"Wait. My dad has seen you."
2:59And then he started doing a facial
3:01recognition like
3:03just to verify if that's me.
3:05And in the meantime, the rest of the
3:06kids were staring. And the teacher, for
3:09some reason, put me up on the screen.
3:11Uh
3:12on the on the class screen. But he put
3:14the one of the you know they have these
3:16videos of the cartoon animation of
3:18voiceover thing. So, there's a cartoon
3:21me. And one of the girls says, "It's
3:23that guy."
3:25>> [laughter]
3:26>> So, that was a really fun experience
3:27with those kids. Alhamdulillah. They
3:29were lots of lots and lots of fun. The
3:30second experience was after khutbah
3:32uh at the masjid.
3:34A lot of people came up to me and said,
3:35"Salam." And a young man came up to me
3:37and said,
3:38"That's good content. Are you on
3:39TikTok?"
3:41I said, "I I don't know." He goes, "I'll
3:43look you up. I'll find your TikTok. It's
3:44good stuff.
3:45I like you."
3:46>> [laughter]
3:48>> I felt very validated. I
3:51the 14-year-old.
3:52But anyway, alhamdulillah.
3:54Um it's it's good to be here. And I was
3:56actually very confused about what topic
3:58I should share with you. There are a
4:01number of subjects that I've been
4:02wanting to give a lecture about from the
4:04Quran and from my observations.
4:06But I I was holding back and I didn't
4:09decide. And the reason I didn't decide
4:11is I like to come to a community and
4:13kind of observe what's going on as much
4:16as I can
4:17before I choose
4:19what to talk about. So this topic was
4:21chosen an hour ago.
4:23Uh So it's going to be pretty bad, but
4:25that's that's
4:26your fault. Okay.
4:29Um
4:30The thing I wish to talk to you about
4:31today is a very heavy subject. It's
4:33something that I I've been studying on
4:35and off for a few years, but inshallah
4:37my team and I are going to be dedicated
4:39to studying the subject
4:41I think probably for the next four or
4:43five months at least full-time
4:45in the Quran. And that is human emotions
4:47in the Quran.
4:49How to understand Allah's commentary on
4:51human emotion in the Quran.
4:54And I'm just picking one of those
4:55emotions today or one of those human
4:57experiences, not all of them.
4:59Because be before I get into the
5:01subject, I want to share just one basic
5:03foundation issue with you.
5:06A lot of people when they go through a
5:08difficult time today
5:10they're told go speak to a therapist.
5:13Go speak to a counselor. Go speak to
5:15some mental health professional. You're
5:17depressed, you have anxiety, you have a
5:19trauma, you have something and you need
5:21to speak to some kind of counselor,
5:23right?
5:24And I I don't disagree. I don't
5:26disagree. However,
5:29it's very important that we understand
5:30that Western psychology
5:33meaning psychology in Europe, America,
5:35Canada, Australia, the Western world and
5:38the universities that are producing the
5:41educate the people that are qualified in
5:43psychology
5:44they are based on a foundation of you
5:48know, their aqidah documents.
5:50The founders of Western psychology.
5:53And in Western psychology, there are a
5:54few things that we have to take note of.
5:57And those few things are
6:00the most important thing for you is is
6:02you.
6:04The the center of the universe is you.
6:09Your world
6:10is yours.
6:12And what Whatever you're experiencing,
6:15in order to understand it, we have to
6:17understand you better. So, we have to go
6:20back in your past and we find out what
6:22happened in your childhood, what was
6:24your mother like, what was your father
6:26like, what was your experience like? Oh,
6:28that was a trauma you experienced when
6:29you were 5 years old. And this is a
6:31trauma that happened to you when you
6:32were 10 years old. And this is what
6:33happened to you when you were a
6:34teenager. And you had this trauma and
6:36this trauma and this trauma and this
6:37trauma. And these traumas shaped you and
6:39that's why you are the way you are, etc.
6:41etc. There's this So, basically, the
6:44therapist, not every therapist, but
6:46generally, I'm generalizing here,
6:49is exploring an entire universe that
6:51exists inside you.
6:53And then from that, they'll come up with
6:56because you have these these
6:57experiences, this is what we can do.
7:00And there's one, you know, there's many
7:02people that have pioneered in this
7:03field, but one particular person that is
7:05the father of Western psychology is
7:07Freud. I think everybody here knows
7:08that.
7:09And Freud has I This is not a lecture
7:12about Freud, I promise you.
7:13But, one thing you do need to know about
7:15Freud,
7:16uh Freud is the secular version of
7:19Christianity.
7:22I'll explain in a second what that
7:23means.
7:24Freud According to me, Freud is the
7:26secular version of what?
7:28Christian creed, Christianity. Why? The
7:30Christians believe that Adam
7:34disobeyed God.
7:36He had the image of God was broken, he
7:38was shattered. He was brought to the
7:40earth broken and in sin.
7:43So, he was born in sin, and no matter
7:45what he does, he will always be broken.
7:48He can do all the good in the world, it
7:50will never be good enough. He will be
7:51broken and all of his children are are
7:53born broken. That's why they all born
7:55with original sin.
7:57And this can never be fixed. This
7:59doesn't matter how much charity they
8:01give, how much kindness they do, how
8:03good they are, how honest they are, how
8:04truthful they are. None of that matters,
8:06they are still drowned inside sin, they
8:09are all broken. And the only thing that
8:11can fix it is God himself, so he decided
8:13to slaughter his own son to fix this
8:16problem.
8:17So, the problem started from
8:19>> [clears throat]
8:19>> Adam.
8:21And the only thing that could solve this
8:22problem was the sacrifice of God's son.
8:25And finally, the the humans are no
8:27longer broken if they accept Jesus as
8:29Lord and say that's the Christian idea.
8:31But one thing that I want you to
8:32remember from this idea is all human
8:34beings start broken.
8:37The starting point is broken.
8:39In Freud's psychology, all human beings
8:42start traumatized.
8:45All of them.
8:46We all have a complex. We all have
8:48issues. Nobody's normal.
8:51And you're spending your entire life
8:52undoing your own trauma.
8:55There's no such thing as normal.
8:57There's no such thing.
8:59Now, this is this this is something in
9:00common between the two. All human beings
9:02are broken.
9:03One is saying spiritually broken, the
9:04other is saying psychologically broken,
9:06but still broken.
9:09There's a Hadith of the Prophet
9:10Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, very famous.
9:11I think everybody here knows it. Kullu
9:13mawludin yuladu ala
9:15al-fitra. Every newborn is born on the
9:17fitra.
9:19Allah says fitrat Allah allati fatara
9:21al-nasa alaiha, the
9:22the beautiful perfect nature of Allah,
9:24and Allah used that nature to create
9:26human beings. Laqad khalaqna al-insana
9:28fi ahsani taqwim.
9:30We created the human being in the most
9:31beautiful upright form.
9:34In the Quran and in Islam, human being
9:36the starting point of the human being is
9:37not that they are broken, that they are
9:39actually perfectly fine.
9:42They're on the fitra.
9:43They're perfectly fine.
9:45And then the Hadith goes on to describe
9:47that bad things happen later on.
9:49Or tarbiyah happens, bad tarbiyah. Fa
9:51abawahu yuhawwidanihi aw yunasirranihi
9:53aw yumajjisanihi. The parents turn him
9:55into a Jew, a Christian, a Magian,
9:56whatever else, right? That's later on.
9:59So,
10:00the starting point of understanding
10:03psychology, the root, the root is
10:06completely different for the believers
10:08of Islam
10:10and for the study of psychology.
10:13And what happens then is there are
10:14Muslims who are now studying psychology
10:18in Western University.
10:20Yeah? And then they're trying to bring
10:22together Islam and psychology and we're
10:24trying to create something called
10:25Islamic psychology.
10:27If we don't understand where the roots
10:30separate
10:31and we're trying to connect the branches
10:33later on, it's never going to connect
10:34properly.
10:36They're not going to connect properly.
10:38So, this is something that's going to
10:39require deeper research. I'll be doing a
10:41lot of work on that and how we need to
10:42actually there's a need for Muslims to
10:45actually develop Quranic psychology,
10:48entirely new,
10:49entirely fresh.
10:51Not from the Western paradigm, but from
10:53the Quran paradigm.
10:55From the Quran paradigm, okay? So, when
10:57I I I wrote the I told them to write
10:59this title on top and I wrote the word
11:01trauma.
11:03And the moment you see trauma, Western
11:04psychology comes to mind.
11:07And in Western psychology, all of you
11:08have been traumatized. And the other
11:10thing about interestingly about Western
11:12psychology is most Western psychological
11:14literature is based on
11:16uh middle-class
11:18European or Eurocentric
11:21uh
11:22uh people
11:24and culture.
11:26It has nothing to do with Africa, it has
11:28nothing to do with Asia, it has nothing
11:29to do with the Far East, it does it
11:30nothing to do with them.
11:32And in industrialized Europe, do
11:34families live together?
11:37After the Industrial Revolution, do
11:38mother, father, grandfather, uncle,
11:41cousin, do they live nearby each other?
11:43No.
11:44They don't have a concept of families
11:45living together. Do they have a concept
11:47of you have to be the best to your
11:48parents until they become very old?
11:51No, they don't have that concept. Do
11:53they have the concept of blood ties?
11:54Ulul arhami ba'dullah awla bi ba'din fi
11:56kitabillah. You have to keep the blood
11:57ties, you have to connect people
11:59together, you have to get together with
12:00them, you have to share goodness with
12:02them, you have to give your the first
12:03charity good should go to your own
12:05family, etc. Do they have this concept?
12:07No. They have a concept of individual
12:09freedom.
12:11Individual freedom. And in their in
12:13their society
12:15for well over a century and even even
12:17even more now, your family is actually a
12:19trauma.
12:21You get really depressed because it's
12:22going to be Christmas and you're going
12:23to have to see your mother and she's
12:25going to make comments and ah that's why
12:27I need to go to my therapist before I go
12:29to the family reunion.
12:31Okay, I can't I can't I can't deal with
12:33my uncle. I can't deal with my brother.
12:35Oh my god, my brother's calling again.
12:37Oh my god, my father. So every one of
12:39your family members is a problem in
12:41Western psychology.
12:43You understand? There are there's some
12:44kind of trauma associated with them.
12:47And there's a lot of
12:50you know, social media content from
12:53professionals, non-professionals, people
12:55that want to become, you know, TikTok
12:56therapists, whatever
12:58about how traumatic how toxic your
13:00mother is.
13:02And what a narcissist your brother is.
13:05And what a what if what do you what do
13:07you do if you have a toxic family and an
13:08abusive family and a narcissistic
13:10family? What did they say? They said
13:12pray?
13:13What did they say? What are you wearing?
13:15Oh my god. You do you, queen.
13:19Right? So you have this
13:21because they don't believe in
13:24the idea of family that existed for
13:27centuries and centuries and centuries in
13:29every other society, but in Western
13:30society family is a prison. And you have
13:33to free yourself from that prison. You
13:35have to free yourself from the trauma
13:37that was given to you by your mom and
13:38your dad.
13:40You have to free yourself from that. You
13:41have to find you.
13:43Find you know, become yourself.
13:46So we really really need to understand
13:49this kind of therapy is also a dawa.
13:53This therapy is also a message. And it's
13:56not just happening inside the office of
13:58a therapist when somebody pays for
14:00counseling sessions. This is happening
14:02now in media, in television, in music,
14:04in literature, in classrooms, in it's be
14:07you're being bombarded with this new
14:09psychology.
14:11This new psychology. So the the roots
14:13are different,
14:15but the branches and the fruits are also
14:16completely different. They're completely
14:18different.
14:20And so when we try to fix our problems
14:22as Muslims
14:24from a Western psychological paradigm
14:28and go to them and they tell you, "Oh,
14:30so
14:31tell me about the relationship with your
14:32mother. Tell me about the relationship
14:34with your father."
14:36Uh my father, you know, sometimes when I
14:37messed up, he uh he was pretty tough. Oh
14:40yeah, how did that make you feel?
14:42Scared? Oh, so your father put fear in
14:45you. That's why
14:47that's why your marriage is failing
14:48right now.
14:51It's my dad's fault.
14:56This is the mind warp that's happening.
15:00And we're learning these new labels and
15:03everybody's become a psychologist.
15:05Everybody. Every teenager here knows
15:08who's toxic and who's a narcissist and
15:09who's got
15:12You you're throwing these words out just
15:13like that.
15:14Allah did not call Firaun a narcissist.
15:19Allah said, "Go speak to Firaun softly,
15:21maybe he will change."
15:24Okay? But today somebody will say Firaun
15:26is a narcissist.
15:28He's an egotistical maniac. There's no
15:30point talking to him.
15:31Just block him.
15:34Okay? Just you need to just avoid him
15:36and if you run into him and you're
15:38traumatized, come back and talk to me
15:39because
15:41you know.
15:43But Allah is telling Musa Alaihis Salam
15:44to go talk to Firaun who calls himself
15:46God, but even then Allah says he can
15:48change.
15:50But in this new modern psychology, once
15:52you're a narcissist or once you're
15:53toxic, you're radioactive. You can't
15:56change. You're done. Finished. Now
15:58you're toxic for life. You're an abuser
16:00for life. You're a narcissist for life.
16:02These are labels. These are not
16:04behaviors. These are labels.
16:06They're permanent like your genetics.
16:08They're permanent. It's crazy.
16:10Anyway, now we're going to start up that
16:12was the foundation. Now I'm going to
16:13start the lecture. Okay? I was just
16:16Okay.
16:17I'm going to give you two words today. I
16:19could give you tons of vocabulary, but
16:20I'm going to give you two words. First
16:22word is karb, karb. If you don't If
16:25you're not taking notes, which means
16:26you're a brother, it's okay.
16:28Um
16:30>> [laughter]
16:31>> Wait, I have one brother.
16:33I have two two exceptions. Mashallah,
16:34mashallah. Okay. Allah reward you. The
16:36exception proves the rule.
16:39Uh sisters, the term is karb.
16:41Karb.
16:43Kaf ra ba, k a r b, carb. Like carbs.
16:47Right? Okay.
16:49Let me tell you something about this
16:50word karb.
16:52When uh
16:53in Arabic al karb al karb al baqi fi
16:55jidh' al nakhlah, when they have palm
16:56trees
16:58and they grow leaves and they cut off
16:59all the leaves and they still have the
17:01edges left
17:02and the edges of a palm tree are strong,
17:04so you can step on them like a ladder.
17:06You can use them like ladders. That part
17:08of the palm tree that's strong, that's
17:10called a karb from the same word.
17:13Uh when they have a rope that they tie
17:16on the well, so they can lower the
17:17bucket and they keep knotting it and
17:19knotting and knotting it. Even if the
17:21rope breaks, the knot is still stuck.
17:23That part of the knot that never breaks,
17:25that's called a karb also.
17:28So, it's the part of the tree that never
17:29breaks. It's part of the rope that never
17:31snaps.
17:33It's also used for when they tie an
17:35animal's legs together, so it doesn't
17:37it's not able to move and it doesn't
17:38open.
17:39That's also called a karb.
17:41It's also used for the wood that the
17:44baker uses to you know, they have those
17:46those those bakeries where the bread is
17:48put inside the walls.
17:50Right? And you have to have a very
17:52strong piece of wood to slap the the
17:55bread inside. It's It can't break. It
17:57can't get on fire. It can't bend. That
18:00kind of tough wood is actually also
18:01called a karb a karib actually. It's
18:04called a karib. But anyway, there are
18:05other examples. You get the point.
18:07Something very tough, something that
18:08doesn't break. Yeah?
18:11From this came this idea
18:14that a human being that experiences
18:16something
18:18that becomes very heavy and never
18:19breaks. The feeling that never goes
18:21away.
18:22A feeling, a weight, a burden that never
18:25goes away. A stress that never goes
18:27away.
18:28An anxiety that never goes away. A fear
18:31that never goes away. A sadness that
18:33never goes away. And it's heavy. And you
18:35try to break it, but you can't break it.
18:37It's always there. It becomes a
18:38permanent part of your personality. That
18:40kind of a fear is called a carb. Or that
18:43kind of a depression or an anxiety or a
18:45sadness.
18:47Right? That kind of emotional burden is
18:49called a carb.
18:51It's very hard to break. It's fixed.
18:53Okay, that's the first word.
18:55The second word is gham.
18:57Gham.
18:59The word gham is used for you know,
19:02ghamama comes from it, which is clouds
19:04when they come and you can't see the sun
19:06anymore.
19:07So they cover the clouds. They're called
19:09ghamama. Okay?
19:11Al-ghamama al-mawdu'a ala fam al-ba'ir
19:13aw al-himar aw ala
19:15aynay al-naqa. They used to have this
19:18this
19:19kind of mask.
19:21They sometimes they put it on the mouth
19:22of the camel so it doesn't make a sound.
19:25They gag the camel. And sometimes they
19:27have another ghamam, they put it on the
19:29eyes of the camel so it doesn't look
19:30around. Then they have a ghamam on the
19:32camel so it doesn't smell because
19:34they're going through an area, if it
19:35smells, it's going to react and run
19:37away. So they put a
19:40cover on the nose. So a ghamam is
19:42something that covers up.
19:45It's a cover. The clouds that cover the
19:46sky, the the mask that covers the eyes
19:49or the nose or the mouth of the camel.
19:51It's actually from it you get the word
19:52al-ghumam, which is a kind of sickness,
19:55like if you have a sinus blockage and
19:57you can't breathe from your nose because
19:59your nostrils are covered. That's
20:01actually called ghumam in Arabic.
20:03That's that's one of the words for it,
20:04okay?
20:06Uh and from it you get this idea that
20:09someone who is experiencing
20:11such a painful experience
20:14that because of that, even when they
20:16have a happy experience, it's blocked.
20:20They can't experience joy, they can't
20:21experience a smile. Everybody else is
20:23laughing, they can't laugh.
20:26Everybody else is excited, they're not
20:27excited. They're They're sitting there
20:28watching a football final, everybody's
20:30going, "Yeah!"
20:30and they're going,
20:32"Mhm."
20:34"How was it?"
20:36"It was fun."
20:38"This is amazing."
20:40"Right?"
20:42This person who's not able to They You
20:44know, a lot of people describe feeling
20:45numb. Do you know what I what I mean by
20:47that?
20:48I can't experience joy like I used to. I
20:50can't experience excitement. I can't
20:52experience happiness. Nothing, you know,
20:55gets my blood flowing.
20:57I'm experiencing something called ghamm.
21:00Ghamm is a kind of numbing feeling.
21:02Ghamm is a kind of blockage, an
21:04emotional blockage. Now, I'm not able to
21:05feel what I used to feel. In fact, ghamm
21:07can be so powerful that you don't even
21:10you don't even cry.
21:12Ghamm can happen at a at a funeral.
21:14Everybody's crying,
21:16and you're not You're not feeling it.
21:17You're not feeling it.
21:19You're blocked. And people are looking
21:20at you like, your your dad just passed
21:22away, or your your brother just passed
21:24away. Why aren't you crying? I don't
21:25know.
21:26I can't feel anything.
21:28Am I I know I'm supposed to cry I cry
21:30but I can't.
21:31This feeling is called what?
21:33Ghamm. So, you've got two really heavy
21:36emotions, karb and ghamm. I could have
21:38given you like eight more cuz these are
21:40all negative emotions, there's lots of
21:42them in the Quran, but I wanted to just
21:43focus on two of them. Hold on to that in
21:46the in the back pocket, and now let's
21:47talk about some prophets, alayhis salatu
21:49was salam. Okay.
21:52We're going to start What I What I'm
21:53going to give you, you will do your own
21:55homework. Uh this is from Surat ul
21:57Anbiya,
21:58Surah number 21, and this is going to be
22:01from ayah number 65 onwards. And we're
22:03not going to do all of the ayat, just
22:05pick and choose some parts.
22:07We're starting with Ibrahim alayhis
22:09salam.
22:10When Ibrahim alayhis salam was a young
22:12man, and this is where you need to start
22:13making some noise. I will ask you
22:14questions and you will call out answers
22:16with no hesitation. I know you're
22:18Europeans, so you're very civilized, but
22:21today you act like you're an American at
22:23a baseball game. Come on!
22:25Okay, you got to be loud, okay? So, I'll
22:27ask you questions, you just answer out
22:28loud. I want to hear your answers.
22:30Ibrahim alayhis salaam was when he was
22:32very young, did he experience any kind
22:36of trauma?
22:37Okay, let's talk about his trauma.
22:40Where did his trauma come from? Who was
22:42traumatizing him?
22:45His father, very good. His father. Okay,
22:47so now there's a young man
22:49and his father is angry with him.
22:52His father is very angry with him.
22:54His father is telling him if if you
22:56imagine, we don't know, but just use
22:58your imagination, you have a webcam
23:01inside the house of Ibrahim alayhis
23:04salaam and the the webcam is pointing at
23:06the father. Not at Ibrahim alayhis
23:08salaam cuz we don't film the prophets.
23:10So,
23:11the camera is on his father and his
23:13father's yelling at him.
23:14What kind of things does he say? What do
23:16you think?
23:18What do you think he says to Ibrahim
23:19alayhis salaam?
23:21Use your imagination.
23:24Huh?
23:25You're weird.
23:27Why are you so weird?
23:30You're obnoxious.
23:32You're ungrateful.
23:35You're a bad son.
23:36>> [clears throat]
23:37>> What else? Come on. Come on, some of you
23:39some of these things are not coming from
23:41imagination, they're coming from
23:42experience. Come on.
23:47>> [laughter]
23:52>> Uh you're a shame for this family.
23:56You're such a disappointment.
23:59You're a disgrace.
24:02How are you my son?
24:06You're lazy.
24:08Cuz he wasn't building the idols, I
24:09guess.
24:10>> [laughter]
24:12>> That's a good one.
24:14That's a lot of stuff.
24:17Is it important for a child, a boy, that
24:20his dad is proud of him?
24:23Okay, so when you when you
24:25you you're a kid, you're a kid, and you
24:28do well on the test.
24:30You do well or you're a kid and you're
24:32playing football and your dad is
24:33watching the match.
24:34And you score a goal.
24:36A bunch of people are happy.
24:39Where do your eyes go first?
24:41Dad. They're like, "That's my boy.
24:43That's my boy." Like, yeah.
24:46Dad is proud.
24:50If you did well, if you did well, and
24:53your father came and gave you a hug, and
24:55father said, "I am proud of you."
24:58If your friend said, "I'm proud of you."
25:00Eh.
25:01If your mom said, "I'm proud of you."
25:03Eh.
25:04Cuz mom's proud of you even when you got
25:06arrested for selling drugs, he's still
25:08proud of you. Like, your mom Mom doesn't
25:09know.
25:12Eh.
25:14But your dad,
25:16when your dad is proud of you, oh.
25:19When your dad says, "Good job."
25:22My I I'm from Pakistan.
25:25And in Pakistan, it is haram to
25:28to encourage your children.
25:30We don't have this
25:31It's we have a different madhab and
25:35Okay? And in our madhab, we don't we
25:37don't encourage children.
25:39So, my father is an ex- He tries. He
25:42tries. I love my dad.
25:44And I'll tell you something about my
25:45dad. Love him to death.
25:49The most my father will ever give me,
25:52when he's really proud of me, really
25:54proud of me, he'll give me a hug and
25:55say,
25:56"Satisfactory."
26:04And satisfactory
26:06is actually the highest thing It's
26:08pretty high.
26:09There's one underneath that, it's
26:11acceptable.
26:15>> [snorts]
26:15>> And then when my sister graduated from
26:17medical school, he said, "Good."
26:20And I said, "Hey!
26:23You had that one, too?
26:25She got the highest She got She got
26:26good."
26:29Encouraging words from a father mean
26:31everything.
26:33Everyone else can say whatever, but when
26:35your father validates you,
26:37it does something nobody else can do.
26:40But when a father puts you down,
26:44when a father puts you down, when a
26:45father says you're lazy, when a father
26:47says you're a disappointment, when a
26:49father says you're useless, when a
26:51father says I'm ashamed of you,
26:53when a father says why can't you be like
26:55those other boys,
26:57when a father looks at you and doesn't
26:58even say anything and all the
26:59disappointment is on his face,
27:03just on his face.
27:05Or you come in and say salaam alaikum
27:06and he says,
27:07Alaikum assalam.
27:10That breaks a man.
27:12It breaks a child.
27:15You know what it tells the child?
27:17He doesn't care.
27:19I can never impress him. I can never
27:22make him happy. You know what?
27:24I don't care about making anyone happy.
27:28I can't make him happy? So, you know
27:29what?
27:31Why do I have to care about anyone's
27:33feelings? Because the one person you
27:34cared about their feelings so much that
27:37you want to see something from them,
27:38something positive from them, they
27:39didn't give it to you.
27:41So, now you get traumatized
27:45and you don't care about what?
27:47Anybody else feels.
27:48Because you didn't get the validation
27:50from your dad.
27:51Let's go back to Ibrahim alayhis salaam.
27:53His father is telling him he's a
27:54disappointment, he's weird, he's not
27:56like everybody else.
27:58Why is he such a loser? Why is he so
28:00strange? Why is he crazy?
28:02He had such high hopes for him.
28:05He's giving He's giving the father a bad
28:07name. He's hearing all these things. Are
28:09these easy things for any child to hear?
28:12No.
28:13No.
28:14Go further in this young man's life and
28:17what do you experience? He's This young
28:19man, Ibrahim alayhis salaam,
28:21his entire society, at least when your
28:23dad doesn't like you, maybe you have
28:25friends who like you, yeah?
28:27Cuz a lot of times you don't get along
28:29with your dad, so then you get along
28:30with your friends.
28:33Usually the friends that you get along
28:34with are doing other bad things,
28:36rebellious things.
28:38Ibrahim Alaihis Salam doesn't even have
28:39a gang
28:40to hang out with.
28:43Not really.
28:44There's no bad crowd cuz he's the only
28:46good one in the society.
28:48He's a rebel by being good, not a rebel
28:50by being bad.
28:52Right?
28:53Eventually, not only his father, the
28:56entire society everyone is calling him
28:59weird. Everyone is saying, "We hate
29:02you." Everyone is now saying, "You know
29:04what?
29:05Let's throw him into a fire."
29:08Let's throw him into a fire. By the way,
29:10go step back. Who used to build the
29:12idols?
29:14His father. And who destroyed the idols?
29:18So, the father built the idols and the
29:19son
29:20destroyed the idols. So, now who is the
29:23most angry with him?
29:26His father. So, when they're throwing
29:27him in throwing him in the fire,
29:29who's okay with it?
29:31Even his father's okay with it.
29:34Even his father's okay with it.
29:37And he's about to be thrown into a fire.
29:38Is that traumatic that you see your dad
29:41okay with you being burned alive?
29:44Is that traumatic?
29:47Can very traumatic. You're right, young
29:49man.
29:50Very traumatic. Okay. So, that's one
29:52That's just one prophet.
29:53>> That's weird.
29:54>> We are called It is weird.
29:59We are now experiencing We're We're
30:01looking at
30:02these prophets and we're understanding
30:05that what they experienced is not a
30:06small amount of trauma. It's extreme.
30:09It's an extreme form of trauma as a
30:11young man, as a child.
30:13Let's go to Lut Alaihis Salam.
30:16Does he experience trauma?
30:19He's an old man in the story, Alaihis
30:21Salam. He's not a young man. He's an old
30:23man. So, we we saw the experience of a
30:24child in Surat Al-Anbiya and right after
30:26that, we're seeing the experience of an
30:28old man, Alaihis Salam.
30:30What kind of
30:32negative feelings is Lut Alaihis Salam
30:34experiencing? Can you give me some idea?
30:38Disappointment?
30:39Or something more?
30:42Loneliness. Nobody agrees with him.
30:44He feels alone. No support.
30:47Betrayal by his own people.
30:49Can't trust anybody.
30:51What else?
30:53Is he trying to help them understand
30:55something?
30:57You're You're a prophet. Allah chooses
30:59the prophets because they're very good
31:00at communication.
31:02One of the reasons he chooses prophets
31:03is they're very good at communicating.
31:05So, he's doing everything he can to
31:07communicate with these people. Are they
31:09understanding him?
31:12No.
31:13Imagine you're trying to communicate.
31:16You're being logical. You're being
31:17reasonable. You're doing everything you
31:19can properly. And the people in front of
31:21you, instead of them agreeing with you,
31:22they're disagreeing with you even more.
31:24And they're getting even more aggressive
31:26and more aggressive. Is that
31:27frustrating?
31:31The way that the the frustration of Lut
31:35Alayhis Salam is described.
31:37The way his frustration is And plus he's
31:38an old man.
31:40He can't even defend his fam- his
31:42guests. He can't defend his family.
31:45He's feeling helpless.
31:47So, he's helpless. He's alone. He's
31:50frustrated. He has no support.
31:53Are these
31:55feelings when somebody's sitting in a
31:56therapy somewhere?
31:58Do you feel helpless? Do you feel you
32:00don't have any support? Do you feel
32:02alone? Do you feel like nobody
32:04understands you? Do you feel like you're
32:06trying to communicate, but the people on
32:07the other side keep getting angry and
32:09they don't understand what you're trying
32:10to say, no matter how clearly you say
32:12it, you can't get across to them? Are
32:13these common experiences
32:16in people's lives?
32:17Yeah?
32:19Yeah.
32:20Lut Alayhis Salam is experiencing it.
32:23You go a little further.
32:26I don't know. Actually,
32:30go to Nuh Alayhis Salam.
32:33Same Surah of Anbiya. Keeps going. One
32:35trauma, Ibrahim Alayhis Salam. Another
32:36trauma, Lut Alayhis Salam. The next
32:38trauma?
32:39Nuh Alayhi Salam.
32:41He's talking to one generation of people
32:43that don't listen to him.
32:45The next generation comes, he has hope
32:47they'll listen to him. Do they listen to
32:48him?
32:50No. And the next generation?
32:51No.
32:54He keeps trying and trying and trying
32:56with new people and new people and new
32:58people and they keep giving him the same
33:00results over and over and over and over
33:02again. His own son doesn't listen to
33:04him, his wife doesn't listen to him, new
33:06generations, new generations don't
33:08listen to him, the next generation
33:09doesn't listen to him. He's there for
33:11950 years and nobody, practically
33:13nobody's listening to him.
33:15Is it possible that you keep trying
33:17something and trying something and
33:18trying something and trying something
33:19and you don't see results year after
33:22year, month after month, year after
33:23year, attempt after attempt? What
33:25feeling do you experience?
33:28You feel pain, you feel
33:31hopeless.
33:32You feel depressed. You start saying,
33:33"What's the point?
33:35Why am I doing this?
33:36Nothing's working, nothing's changing.
33:39There's There's no reason for me to keep
33:40going. Even my own son doesn't listen to
33:42me.
33:44Even my own wife hates me."
33:46And then at the end of his story, at the
33:48very end of his story, he's trying to
33:50save his son. He still loves his son.
33:53And his son refuses to be saved.
33:56Are there people who experience that
33:59they have a child, they're trying to
34:00save that child, and that child refuses
34:03to be saved?
34:04Does that happen today?
34:06Does that happen in families?
34:09They're trying everything.
34:11They're trying to bring him back.
34:12Doesn't want to listen.
34:14Doesn't want to listen.
34:15Wants to drown.
34:17Are there people also that try to save
34:19their children, try to save their young
34:21son, their teenage son, their
34:2320-year-old, their 22-year-old, they try
34:24to save their daughter, and they
34:26couldn't save them?
34:27And they lost them. Did that happen?
34:30Yeah.
34:31Just like the story of who?
34:34Nuh Alayhi Salam. He's experienced the
34:36trauma of trying and trying and trying
34:38and not even being able to get through
34:41to his own family, not to mention
34:43generations of people.
34:45And by the way, there's another part of
34:47this.
34:48Nuh alayhis salaam feels like Allah gave
34:51him a mission, yes?
34:54The He's a messenger. What's his
34:55mission?
34:57What's his mission? He's supposed to do
34:58what?
35:01Give his message. Does he feel like he
35:03succeeded in giving his message?
35:06I don't think he feels like he succeeded
35:08in giving the message.
35:10If the entire population of believers
35:13can fit on one boat,
35:16that's not a big population.
35:19That's not a big population. So, it
35:20doesn't feel like a success for him.
35:23And on top of that, he lost his own
35:24family.
35:26Does he Is there a possibility there's a
35:28feeling like I failed?
35:31So, not only did I fail people, I failed
35:33my family, I failed
35:34Who does he feel he failed possibly?
35:37He failed Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
35:40Allah's not happy with me. Isn't it
35:41possible a parent today, actually I even
35:43met a parent today, who said, "I'm
35:44trying to talk to my son. He doesn't
35:46pray, he doesn't listen. I'm afraid
35:49Allah is angry with me. I have failed
35:50Allah."
35:52And the moment he said that, I
35:54remembered who?
35:56Nuh alayhis salaam. Your trauma is in
35:57the Quran.
36:00It was experienced by someone.
36:02It was experienced by Nuh alayhis
36:03salaam.
36:05Maybe Allah is not happy with me because
36:06I wasn't able to save my son.
36:08Maybe Allah is not happy with me because
36:10I wasn't able to save my spouse or my
36:12nation.
36:14This is the same fear that Rasulullah
36:15alayhis salaam
36:16Allah told him, "Fala allaka bakhiun
36:19nafsaka ala asarihim."
36:22Maybe you're going to kill yourself in
36:24depression because you keep thinking
36:26that these people aren't listening and
36:27the effect of them not listening is
36:29killing you.
36:31La tahzan alayhim. Don't be Don't stop
36:32being sad over them.
36:34The prophet was told. Now, listen to
36:35these words. I give you two words that
36:37were heavy emotions. What were the two
36:38words?
36:40Carb and
36:42And what do you remember about carb?
36:44Let's see if you remember.
36:47Something solid, something strong that
36:49doesn't leave.
36:50Listen, Allah says about Nuh alayhi
36:52salaam, "Fannajaynahu wa ahlahu min
36:54al-karb al-adheem."
36:57We rescued Nuh
37:00and his family
37:02from
37:04a great carb.
37:07We rescued him from a great
37:09carb.
37:11Carb is a feeling that never leaves.
37:14Remember that? Carb is a feeling that
37:16stays, and Allah said, "I saved him from
37:19that feeling."
37:21He was suffering from that feeling, and
37:23Allah eventually lifted that feeling
37:25from him.
37:27So, can trauma be removed
37:30in the Quran?
37:31Can long-term trauma, trauma that's been
37:34there for 950 years, can it be removed?
37:37Yeah.
37:39Yeah.
37:40Allah And Allah did not say he rescued
37:42him from the kuffar, he rescued him from
37:44the flood, he rescued him from the
37:46tufan. In this ayah, he says he rescued
37:48him from the
37:50carb, because this is also a kind of
37:53azab. This is also a kind of punishment
37:55or not for torture.
37:57And this you need to be rescued from
37:58too. There are storms outside, and there
38:00are storms inside. And Allah says he
38:01rescued him from the storm inside.
38:04Okay.
38:05Let's keep going.
38:08Right after the story of Nuh alayhi
38:09salaam, we see something very strange.
38:12We see Allah mentioning Dawud and
38:13Sulaiman.
38:16So, let's see if you can remember the
38:17list. Who was mentioned so far in order?
38:21Ibrahim alayhi salaam, then?
38:23Lut alayhi salaam, then?
38:25Nuh alayhi salaam. And now?
38:28Dawud and Sulaiman. Dawud and Sulaiman.
38:30Okay.
38:31What Allah says about them.
38:34Allah says, "Wa kullana atayna hukman wa
38:36ilman wa sakhkharna ma'a ma'a Dawud
38:38al-jibal."
38:40"Yusabbihna wa al-tayr."
38:43Allah gave Dawud alayhi salaam power
38:45over mountains.
38:47And he gave him power over birds.
38:53So and he we made we taught him how to
38:55make armor meaning bend steel.
38:58I don't know how do I like Allah says.
39:00Okay. What is
39:03Solomon was given power over the wind.
39:06David has power over mountains and birds
39:09and he can bend metal and
39:11has power over the winds.
39:14When he said
39:15and he even power over them.
39:18Who go diving for him
39:20so they go
39:22we are going to
39:23do that.
39:26Every other situation before
39:29somebody was powerless. You notice that?
39:32Abraham is powerless with his dad.
39:36Lot is powerless with his people.
39:38Noah is powerless with his family.
39:41All of a sudden two prophets who seem to
39:43have what?
39:45To have a lot of power.
39:47And not only do they have power over
39:49they had kingdom they had they had
39:51armies and military so they have power
39:53over people.
39:54People will do what they say whether
39:56they like it or not even
39:57are doing what they say whether they
39:58like it or not.
40:01Even them.
40:03So Allah mentioned people that were
40:05traumatized and helpless and powerless
40:07and all of a sudden he mentioned people
40:08that are extremely powerful.
40:11Extremely powerful right after that.
40:14And then by the way just to show you
40:16right after them we'll come back to them
40:18in a second right after them
40:20what
40:21and he must have
40:24Allah mentions
40:26didn't even have power over his own
40:28body.
40:31Not even over his own body. We saw
40:32prophets who don't have power over their
40:34dad. They don't have control over their
40:36wife or son. They don't have control
40:37over their society. They don't have
40:39control over no control no control and
40:41now you get to such an extreme are you
40:43he doesn't even have control over what?
40:46His own body.
40:47His own body.
40:49His own body is rebelling against him.
40:51It's not people who are hurting him, the
40:52body is hurting him.
40:54The body is hurting him.
40:55So, Allah mentions helplessness,
40:57helplessness, helplessness, and in the
40:58middle of that, he mentions two people
41:00that are extremely powerful.
41:02To teach us something very powerful.
41:05Among many things, I'll just focus on
41:06one thing.
41:07There's a saying that a friend of mine
41:08told me, I really like it.
41:10The bigger your garden,
41:13the bigger the snakes.
41:17The bigger your garden, what do you say?
41:20The bigger the snakes.
41:22If you saw Sulaiman alayhis salaam has
41:23kingdom, and he has power, and he has
41:25military, and he has armies, and he has
41:27all this empire, you know what?
41:31The more power you have,
41:32the more snakes you have.
41:35You don't know who's trying to stab you
41:37in the back.
41:39You know, cuz the the And by the way,
41:40you don't have to have the kingdom of
41:41Dawud and Sulaiman.
41:43You guys,
41:45you started a business,
41:47and it was you were just selling it on
41:49the street, and then eventually opened
41:50up a restaurant. Now you own five
41:51restaurants.
41:53Right? And back then, things were
41:56different. Nobody liked you. Your
41:57cousins didn't like you. Nobody invited
41:59you.
42:00Now you own five restaurants. All of a
42:02sudden, everybody wants you to come over
42:03to their house for Eid.
42:06And those cousins are really nice to you
42:07now.
42:10And they all have a great business idea
42:11for you.
42:15>> [laughter]
42:17>> All of them.
42:19Was it possible that some of them are
42:20they they talk really nice in front of
42:22you, and "Please come Please come visit
42:24us for Eid. Please come to see us in
42:26Ramadan." cuz when you They know when
42:27you come with Eid, you're going to come
42:28with stuff.
42:30Right? And the moment you leave, "Ah,
42:32who does he think he is? He's got all
42:33this money. He thinks he's better than
42:34us. Oh, just cuz he moved to Belgium.
42:39And we're still in the butt."
42:45Right?
42:47You When you become more successful,
42:49when you Allah gives you more,
42:51you have to deal with more hypocrisy.
42:54You have to deal with people that are
42:55not sincere with you.
42:58Allah even mentions in the army of
43:00Suleiman alaihis salam are shayatin.
43:02Yes?
43:03He has power over the shayatin, but are
43:05the shayatin sincere to him or no?
43:07That's the question.
43:09By definition, what are they?
43:11Shayatin. He has control over people
43:14that want to see him dead.
43:16They want to destroy him.
43:18It's a different kind of problem. It's a
43:21different kind of stress. It's a
43:22different kind of anxiety because you
43:24don't see your enemy.
43:26With Nuh alaihis salam, he sees his
43:27enemy.
43:28With Lut alaihis salam, he sees his
43:30problems.
43:31They see their problems. That's one kind
43:33of anxiety and stress. But when you're
43:34in a position of power, you could be
43:36shaking hands with your worst enemy.
43:40You could be sitting right next to your
43:41worst enemy. You don't even know.
43:43You don't even know.
43:44And that's not And they're not People in
43:46power, they're not blind. They know that
43:49they have these dangers. And these
43:50dangers are also a kind of stress and
43:52anxiety and concern.
43:55Right? It's its own problem. That is its
43:58own problem. So even though Allah
43:59mentions all the power they had,
44:01implicitly underneath that power is also
44:03a huge set of what? Problems. Huge set
44:06of problems.
44:08Okay.
44:09Ayyub alaihis salam.
44:11I already told you, he has no power over
44:12what?
44:14His own body.
44:16His own body.
44:18And Allah Azza wa Jal says about him,
44:21Anni massani ad-dur.
44:23Harm has touched me.
44:26He's now turning to Allah and saying,
44:28"I'm feeling the effects of the harm on
44:30me."
44:31And even though he was sick for a long
44:33time and hurting for a long time, the
44:36way that he's saying it, it's almost
44:37describing it's now starting to affect
44:39the way I feel also, the way I my my
44:42worship. I don't want it to affect my
44:44worship. I don't want it to affect my
44:46relationship with you, ya Allah. It's
44:48getting to a point where it's starting
44:49to The trauma is starting to get to me.
44:51Wa anta arhamu ar-rahimin. Look, I'm I'm
44:53reaching a point where I have to
44:55lodge a complaint. I have to say this is
44:57this is reaching a red critical state.
45:00It got to a point where even prophets
45:01can tolerate a lot. They can tolerate a
45:03lot. The fact that he even said this
45:05means it it got to a very extreme stage
45:09to the point where he had to say this.
45:11But he got to he had to even say this.
45:14And then of course after that, there are
45:15prophets we don't know a lot about. We
45:17know some things about like Isma'il
45:18alayhis salaam is mentioned.
45:20Isma'il alayhis salaam any trauma in his
45:22life possibly?
45:24What? What was in Isma'il's life?
45:27Huh?
45:29Isma'il is divorced. No, no, no, not in
45:30Quran, in Quran.
45:32Before the sacrifice.
45:38My dad left and I've been raised by a
45:40single mom.
45:43And then when I was a young kid,
45:45wasn't even a teenager yet, my dad came
45:47back. I was so happy. We used to go
45:49running together. And then one day my
45:51dad says, "Come on, son, let's go to the
45:53mountain."
45:54And you know what my dad did?
45:57My dad said he saw a dream.
46:00I don't have to fill in the blanks, do
46:01I?
46:04First of all, I was a lot safer when you
46:06were not here.
46:08You come back.
46:10I'm so happy my dad is back in my life.
46:12I feel safe again.
46:14You know,
46:15my father and he what does he want to
46:16do?
46:19I I keep seeing that I'm I'm
46:21slaughtering you.
46:24I keep seeing that I'm slaughtering you.
46:25By the way, I've given a lecture on why
46:27that's in the Quran.
46:29Because Christians and Jews have a big
46:30problem because people leave their
46:32religion because of the story.
46:34They say, "What kind of a God wants you
46:35to slaughter your own child?"
46:38And we have the same story, right?
46:41And we say, "No, this is just a test
46:42from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala." And
46:43that's not enough of an answer, buddy.
46:45That's not enough of an answer. So, I've
46:47done a whole lecture on just the
46:48sacrifice.
46:49Just that sacrifice. And what it means
46:51in the Quran and how it's different from
46:52the Bible, completely.
46:54Completely different. But anyway, that's
46:55not today.
46:58Ismail salaam is traumatized also as a
47:00child.
47:01And not only is Ismail traumatized,
47:03Ibrahim is traumatized all over again
47:05because when he was a child, his father
47:07tried to kill him.
47:09And when your father tried to kill you,
47:11you say one day I will have a child and
47:12I will never let my child get hurt like
47:14the way my dad tried to hurt me. And how
47:16did Allah test him? Go do what?
47:20Slaughter your child.
47:23Oof.
47:25That's got to That's a test on a test.
47:28That's That's some kind of test for the
47:30father and for the son.
47:32That's pretty traumatic.
47:34You keep going. And by the way, this
47:35test did not come from the people. Who
47:37did it come from?
47:39It It comes from obeying Allah.
47:42This test is different from all the
47:43others.
47:45It came from what?
47:47Obeying Allah.
47:49The test of Ibrahim came from someone
47:51who's disobedient to Allah.
47:54The test of Lut and
47:56you know, Nuh
47:58came from people who are rebelling
47:59against Allah.
48:01Right?
48:02The test of Dawud and Sulaiman even in
48:04power is coming from someone who want to
48:06rebel against Allah
48:08underneath their power.
48:10Okay, the test of Dawud
48:12Now we're the test of Now things are
48:14changing. The test of is not coming from
48:16people. It's coming from Allah. His body
48:18is not responding. He's sick. Who
48:20controls the body?
48:22Allah.
48:23There's no There's no other person
48:24involved.
48:25There's no person involved.
48:27This is a test from Allah directly. And
48:30this is more indirect cuz this is a
48:31creation of Allah. But by the time you
48:33get to Ismail
48:35it's Allah's command
48:38to slaughter.
48:39Is it possible that Allah is commanding
48:41you to do something
48:43and if you do it, you're going to be
48:44traumatized?
48:46I'll give you an example. You're like,
48:47"No, no, no. If you obey Allah
48:49you can never be traumatized." Yes, you
48:50can.
48:52Let me traumatize you.
48:56Allah says, "Be honest."
49:00Right? Speak.
49:02straightforward.
49:04You decide to be honest with your
49:06husband.
49:09You've been keeping something inside and
49:11you decide
49:12just going to say it.
49:14You were thinking a million times I
49:15shouldn't say it.
49:17Because if I say it, he's going to be
49:18angry. If I say it, he's going to
49:19divorce me. If I say it, he's going to
49:21move back to Afghanistan. If I say it,
49:25he's going to hit me. If I say it, I'm
49:26going to be in trouble. If I say it, if
49:28I say it, if I say it. And you decide,
49:29you know what? I'm going to fear Allah
49:31and I'm just going to what?
49:33I'm just going to say it.
49:36Could it be that speaking the truth
49:38will get you in a lot of trouble?
49:41Mhm.
49:43Mhm.
49:43Speaking the truth will get you thrown
49:45in a fire.
49:47Speaking the truth
49:49will get you get slaughtered.
49:52It's It's much easier to hide the truth
49:54than to
49:55speak the truth.
49:57Speak the truth.
49:59There's a There's a family that I knew a
50:02long time ago.
50:04They were in the
50:05bar business. They owned a bunch of
50:06bars.
50:09One guy in the family decides
50:11he doesn't want to sell alcohol anymore.
50:14They make a lot of money from bars, a
50:16lot.
50:17He decides he doesn't want to sell
50:18alcohol anymore.
50:20He didn't tell anyone because if he told
50:22them, they would beat him up.
50:24They go crazy.
50:26They don't just sell the alcohol, they
50:27also
50:29you know.
50:31So, he But he finally decides to tell
50:32them.
50:34They beat him up. They kidnap him. They
50:36try to take him to the another country.
50:38They try to scare him. They take his
50:39house. They
50:41His life became hell only because
50:44he decided what Allah has made haram I
50:46will not touch. Just because of that.
50:49And the people who hurt him were not
50:50some enemy from outside. It wasn't some
50:52government. It wasn't some foreign
50:54agency. Who was hurting him?
50:56His own family.
50:58His own family. Do you see that in many
51:00of these stories the people who are
51:01causing the pain are their own family?
51:04Do you see the common trend trend?
51:06It's their own family
51:07that's causing the pain. Okay.
51:10We keep going.
51:11I I actually missed one. What that noon
51:13is a lot of them.
51:15We skip one in the middle.
51:17This is Yunus Alaihis Salam.
51:20Like Nuh Alaihis Salam, he's giving a
51:22message to his people. They're not
51:23listening.
51:25I keep trying to explain something to
51:26you. You're not listening. I keep
51:27explaining. You're not listening. I keep
51:28explaining. You're not listening.
51:31I had enough of this. I'm done.
51:33I'm done. Look, I'm giving you guys a
51:35lecture right now. You're You're sitting
51:36like civilized human beings. But if you
51:39started all of you yelling, screaming,
51:41spitting, throwing shoes, whatever.
51:45I'll speak for 10 more seconds. And calm
51:46down, guys. Come on. I'm not But
51:48eventually, what will I do?
51:51I'm out of here. I'm not coming back to
51:54ever again.
51:56This place is
51:58Don't even bring that I get traumatized
52:00when someone even mentions Belgium. I
52:01don't even I won't even have a Belgian
52:03waffle anymore.
52:05I'll be done.
52:08Give me every other kind of chocolate.
52:12Why? Because
52:13I'm traumatized by the experience.
52:16I don't want to deal with it.
52:19If you got insulted at your job
52:21and you quit you're going to go walk
52:23back into the office again?
52:25With a smile?
52:26And say hi to those same people? Never
52:28again. It's human.
52:31Yunus Alaihis Salam is being insulted by
52:32these people, rejected by these people
52:34day in, day in, day in, day in. And we
52:36just He walked away. He's like, "I can't
52:38take this anymore." He walks away. Is
52:40that a human thing to do?
52:42Is that a human emotion?
52:43Is it understandable?
52:45>> [clears throat]
52:45>> It's so dehumanizing when we think of
52:48this story and say he disobeyed Allah
52:50Subhana Wa Ta'ala. It's not that easy.
52:52First of all, put yourself in that
52:54situation to understand what happened
52:55here. If you all give them when he was
52:58so enraged. They keep making him angry.
53:01You all give them actually is a
53:02response. It's Mu'aamalah.
53:04So it's it's it's got mu'aakasa in it.
53:06It It reacts to something. It's rad rad
53:08du fe'l.
53:10So, what what does this mean? It means
53:12that they kept doing things on purpose
53:15that they know make him angry until they
53:17would get that reaction out of him. And
53:19eventually, they got that reaction out
53:21of him and he walked away.
53:23They knew what would work.
53:24There are people in your life they know
53:26exactly how to
53:29get under your skin.
53:32They know exactly what to say.
53:34See, I knew it.
53:37You're always like that.
53:40Ha, lazy like I always said.
53:45They know just the word that sets a fire
53:47inside you.
53:48And they use it just And then And then
53:50when you get angry, ah, so this is your
53:52sabr, huh?
53:55This is your sabr? Yeah, I see.
53:58Want to give a khutbah next week about
53:59sabr?
54:02Okay?
54:06And they did this with Nuh with Yunus
54:08alayhi salaam.
54:09Now he gets angry in that moment, he
54:12walks away, and we know what happens
54:13with him. And when he's when he's in the
54:15whale,
54:16I want you to tell me if you had a
54:18camera on the emotions of Yunus alayhi
54:20salaam. We're talking about his
54:20emotions. What is he feeling?
54:24Okay, the anger is gone. What's he
54:25feeling now?
54:28He's feeling regret.
54:30He's feeling like nothing will ever get
54:33better.
54:35He's feeling that he disappointed who?
54:38Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
54:40There's something in him that never goes
54:42away. It's going to overshadow
54:44everything he does.
54:47This is going to overshadow everything
54:48he does. This There's a mistake I made.
54:50This mistake will follow me everywhere
54:52in my life. It will never go away.
54:55And no matter what I experience, this
54:57mistake will always have its shadow on
54:58me.
55:00What's the kind of depression that has a
55:02shadow on you and it covers something
55:04and
55:06Mhm.
55:08Fastajabna lahu wa naj
55:13>> We responded to him and we rescued him
55:15from
55:19We rescued him.
55:20Allah rescued
55:21you know, Nuh Alaihis Salam from what?
55:27And he he rescued
55:29in this case Yunus Alaihis Salam from
55:30what?
55:35The numbness was taken away. His joy
55:39could come back. His optimism could come
55:41back. He doesn't live in shame anymore.
55:43The shame is not following him
55:44everywhere.
55:45The guilt is not following him
55:47everywhere. The guilt is not
55:49He's not constantly judging himself.
55:52He's not beating himself up anymore.
55:54Because the has he's been rescued from
55:56the home.
55:59But Allah didn't stop there. Allah said,
56:01listen to this, so beautiful.
56:05And that is also how we rescue
56:06believers.
56:09Allah did not just rescue Yunus from
56:12home. Allah says and we also rescue who?
56:16All believers.
56:18So this was not just a story. This is
56:20something I was offering to everyone.
56:22I can let you escape your home.
56:25There are people in your life that want
56:27to keep you in home.
56:29You know that?
56:30There are people in your life they like
56:31to remind you what you did.
56:34They remind you of your mistake. They
56:35remind you the time you got angry like
56:37Yunus got angry.
56:39Alaihis Salam.
56:40They remind you of what you said.
56:42They remind you of what happened 5 years
56:44ago, 10 years ago, 15 years They remind
56:46you that
56:47You know what you did.
56:49You know what you did. You know what you
56:51did over and over again. And why?
56:53Because once you once they say that to
56:55you, you will feel the shame come back.
56:57You will feel the guilt come back. You
56:59will feel the burden come back and you
57:01will be suppressed. So the next time
57:02you're about to speak the truth, they'll
57:04say, "Who are you to speak the truth?
57:06Remember what you did 10 years ago?"
57:08Remember that?
57:10And you're just back in home.
57:13Back in home. If you know some tries to
57:15give that one somebody says, "Oh, you're
57:16going to give that one. What are you
57:17going to do if I don't listen? Get
57:18angry?
57:19You're going to walk away again?"
57:23But they can make those comments.
57:26They can say that, but he is not
57:27affected by those comments anymore
57:29because Allah has rescued him from what?
57:32From home. They're trying to put the
57:33home on him. It's not working.
57:35It's not working.
57:37He's been He's been freed from it.
57:39He's been freed from it. Okay. Okay.
57:40Okay.
57:41Final one.
57:43By the way, there's one thing about you
57:45know
57:45he's in the whale.
57:47He's disappointed Allah.
57:50He's also sad about not just what
57:51happened in the past, but
57:54what's the future?
57:56He's thinking about the future. And
57:57speaking of the future, you get the
57:58final story.
58:00You get the story of Maryam.
58:03Okay, the story of Maryam
58:05especially when she was giving birth to
58:08is mentioned in some detail in the
58:09Quran.
58:10Um
58:11If If you're in the place of Maryam
58:14she's having the child.
58:18What is she experiencing? What kind of
58:19trauma is she experiencing?
58:23What do you think?
58:24Ladies, your turn.
58:27Come on, she's your rep.
58:30Shame?
58:33Pain?
58:35Loneliness?
58:37Anxiety?
58:40Terrified?
58:42Terrified?
58:45What does she What does she want to do?
58:48If you were in a situation where you're
58:50about to be shamed by the world
58:52you're in a situation where everybody's
58:54about to humiliate you.
58:56They're about to accuse you. They're
58:58about to say all kinds of comments to
58:59you. They're about to point the finger
59:01at you. And nobody will defend you.
59:03Everybody will look at you and say
59:05"Stop
59:11Yes, I know.
59:13You are up. You are up.
59:15>> If that was the case,
59:17if that was the case, what would you
59:20feel?
59:23You'd want to be dead. Yeah, to come out
59:25of that.
59:26She wished she could be dead.
59:28I'd rather I'd rather run away. If I
59:30can't run away, I just want to run away
59:31from this life.
59:33The fear of humiliation is a huge fear.
59:38The fear not just of death. She just
59:40She's not afraid of death. What is she
59:41afraid of?
59:43Humiliation.
59:45The fear that I will be attacked
59:47verbally. I will be looked at with no
59:49dignity. I will lose my respect as a
59:51human being.
59:53That's not a small fear. It's extremely
59:56traumatic. Extremely. So extreme that
59:59that that embarrassment can make someone
1:00:01want to kill themselves.
1:00:04In the Western world, are there people
1:00:07who get exposed in some kind of
1:00:09political scandal, media scandal,
1:00:11celebrities?
1:00:13And they commit suicide. Does that
1:00:14happen?
1:00:15Yeah.
1:00:16These are people that are supposed to
1:00:18have no haya. They have They're supposed
1:00:19to have no shame.
1:00:21Right? So they can do whatever they
1:00:22want. It's okay. It's a scandal. What's
1:00:24the big deal? But even these people,
1:00:26when it comes to humiliation, they would
1:00:28prefer what over humiliation?
1:00:30Death.
1:00:32Death. That's how extreme it is. It got
1:00:34to the And it's almost as if Allah
1:00:36mentioned all these traumas and the most
1:00:37extreme trauma is at the end. And the
1:00:39most extreme trauma is the trauma of
1:00:40humiliation.
1:00:42Of human public humiliation.
1:00:45He put that at the end.
1:00:47And she says to come out of that.
1:00:50It's kind of a lot.
1:00:52That's a lot of trauma.
1:00:54The Quran mentions quite a bit of
1:00:57heavy heavy heavy emotions that these
1:01:00prophets experienced. So let's take some
1:01:02takeaways.
1:01:04What this lecture was all about.
1:01:06What surah was this?
1:01:09Surah Maryam. Very good.
1:01:12Look at these words.
1:01:13I bet you never heard these words like
1:01:14this
1:01:15You've heard this ayah, but not like
1:01:16this.
1:01:17Listen to this ayah.
1:01:24This, all of this, is your ummah.
1:01:29A single ummah.
1:01:31And I am your rub, so worship me.
1:01:35What is he referring to as this is your
1:01:37ummah?
1:01:39Who is the this?
1:01:41All these prophets and everything they
1:01:43experienced is your ummah. The word
1:01:45ummah doesn't just mean nation. Amma
1:01:47ya'ummu means direction.
1:01:49This is the same direction your life
1:01:51will go in, also.
1:01:53A qaum is a people united by ethnicity.
1:01:56An ummah is a people united by
1:01:58direction.
1:02:01But that's why Allah says tayammamu,
1:02:03from the same word ummah. Tayammamu
1:02:04sa'idan tayyiban.
1:02:06Go in the direction of pure pure dirt
1:02:08when you when you pay a mum, when you
1:02:09don't have water. It's from the same
1:02:11word.
1:02:13The Imam is someone who dictates your
1:02:14direction.
1:02:16Amam in Arabic is something right in
1:02:17front of you that dictates your front
1:02:19direction.
1:02:20Ummah is a people that are united by
1:02:22what? Direction. And the impli-
1:02:25implication here is these people, their
1:02:27life was headed in these directions. And
1:02:30you people, because you're from the same
1:02:31nation, your lives will also go in
1:02:34the same direction. And all of them,
1:02:36they all of you all together, I'm your
1:02:39rub, worship me.
1:02:41Ana rabbukum fa'budun.
1:02:44I started with something about Freud,
1:02:45you remember?
1:02:47And Freudian psychology mentions that
1:02:49the world is inside you.
1:02:52And then you have to experience your
1:02:53emotions. You remember that?
1:02:56Your your your traumatic experiences
1:02:58dictate your life.
1:03:00In Islam,
1:03:02there's a relationship you have
1:03:05before
1:03:07the relationship you had with your body,
1:03:09you already had a relationship that
1:03:10existed.
1:03:12Because really psychology is about
1:03:14relationships.
1:03:15The relationship that you have in in
1:03:16Western psychology, it's about the
1:03:18relationship you have with yourself.
1:03:21Yourself cuz the oldest relationship you
1:03:23have in Western psychology is who?
1:03:25Yourself. That's the oldest relationship
1:03:27you have. In Islam, before we came to
1:03:30this earth, we already had a
1:03:32relationship.
1:03:34With who?
1:03:37With Allah.
1:03:39We already had a relationship before we
1:03:41even came to this earth with Allah.
1:03:43We've already had a conversation with
1:03:44Allah in Surah Surah Al-A'raf, "Alastu
1:03:47bi rabbikum?" Qalu, "Bala shahidna."
1:03:50Our souls already existed.
1:03:52And the Quran is only reminding us of a
1:03:55relationship that has already existed.
1:03:58Now, tell me about healthy relationships
1:03:59in Western psychology. A healthy
1:04:01relationship nurtures you. A healthy
1:04:03father gives you confidence. A healthy
1:04:05mother gives you security, protection.
1:04:07You feel loved. You feel accepted. You
1:04:09feel uh safe. You feel secure. All of
1:04:12these positive attachments, right?
1:04:14Tell me. A healthy relationship with
1:04:16Allah, what does it give you?
1:04:18Does it give you safety?
1:04:20Does it give you confidence? Does it
1:04:22never let you feel alone?
1:04:25Does it build confidence in you? Does it
1:04:27build courage in you? Does it help you
1:04:29overcome fears? Does it make you feel
1:04:31loved? Does it make you feel protected?
1:04:34Does it give you everything you need to
1:04:35be a secure person?
1:04:37Yeah.
1:04:39Allah described prophets who had good
1:04:41relationships with their wife and bad
1:04:43relationships with their wife. Allah
1:04:44described prophets who have good
1:04:45relationship with their parents and bad
1:04:46relationships with their parents. Allah
1:04:48described prophets that have good
1:04:49relationship with their family and bad
1:04:50relationship with their family. Allah
1:04:51described prophets that are healthy.
1:04:53Allah described prophet with their sick.
1:04:54So, they have good relationship with
1:04:55their body and a bad relationship with
1:04:56their body. All other relationships are
1:04:58unstable in the Quran.
1:05:01They can go in any direction.
1:05:04The only stable relationship in all of
1:05:07these stories
1:05:10is with who?
1:05:12Is with Allah.
1:05:14And all of these stories are different
1:05:16kinds of trauma.
1:05:17And when you have trauma, you become
1:05:19unstable.
1:05:20When you have trauma, you become
1:05:22unstable. And yet all of these people
1:05:24are all remaining stable even though
1:05:26they're all traumatized in all very,
1:05:28very different ways. And at the end of
1:05:30all of those traumas, Allah says, "Inna
1:05:32haadhihi ummatukum ummatan waahidah wa
1:05:34ana rabbukum fa'budun." Our relationship
1:05:37with Allah is actually something that
1:05:39protects us not just spiritually, but it
1:05:42protects us against anxiety, depression,
1:05:45fear, it protects us against
1:05:47nervousness, it protects us against
1:05:49jealousy, it protects us against rage,
1:05:51anger. And we can have those emotions,
1:05:55but we can come back to normal. We can
1:05:56come back to normal. We can come back to
1:05:57Why? Because we have Allah.
1:06:01Because we have Allah. Allah does not
1:06:02give up on us. A mother can give up on a
1:06:04child.
1:06:05A father can give up on a child.
1:06:07A husband can give up on a wife. A wife
1:06:09can give up on a husband.
1:06:11A best friend can give up on a best
1:06:12friend. Every other relationship
1:06:14can stop some And And if they don't give
1:06:17up, death can happen.
1:06:19Separation can happen.
1:06:21But there's one relationship that Allah
1:06:23Allah will never give up on you.
1:06:24Allah will never abandon you. "Ma
1:06:26wadda'aka rabbuka wa ma qala."
1:06:29Allah will never just leave you be.
1:06:32Allah will never just be angry with you
1:06:34and never be pleased with you again.
1:06:37And Allah is not Allah is better than
1:06:39every other relationship. You know why?
1:06:41Because you don't have to do much to
1:06:42make Allah happy.
1:06:45You can make Allah very angry. You can
1:06:46do that. You can disobey Allah. You can
1:06:48commit crimes against Allah.
1:06:50You can do all kinds of terrible things.
1:06:52And then what do you have to do to fix
1:06:54it?
1:06:55I think you have to sacrifice a few
1:06:56children and
1:06:59to get all the Infinity Stones, you have
1:07:00to kill your daughter. I don't know.
1:07:01What do What you got to do?
1:07:05Tawbah. And what How much money do you
1:07:06have to pay before you make tawbah? Like
1:07:08what's the deposit initial deposit
1:07:09before tawbah?
1:07:11Because if the government is angry with
1:07:13you,
1:07:14you have to give some deposit before
1:07:16they say, "Okay, now I you can have your
1:07:18driver license back."
1:07:20If the government If you did sin against
1:07:23somebody, you have to do something. If
1:07:26your wife is angry with you,
1:07:31you can't just say sorry. She says,
1:07:34"That's it?"
1:07:36But
1:07:38also that sorry
1:07:40sorry you're sorry.
1:07:42Huh, okay.
1:07:45You can say sorry for the rest of your
1:07:47life. It doesn't mean it.
1:07:49Keep your sorry to yourself.
1:07:55You got to do better you you going to
1:07:56you going to have to do better than
1:07:57that.
1:07:59Everyone else who we up we disobey, we
1:08:02upset, we disappoint,
1:08:05we have to do something to make it up.
1:08:08We have to
1:08:09beg and
1:08:11give gifts and make amends and
1:08:15constant and and even after all of even
1:08:17after this Okay, okay, I forgive you.
1:08:18Okay, I forgive you. 2 months later, new
1:08:20fight. Remember what you did 2 months
1:08:22ago? I was like, "Hey, I already paid
1:08:24the fees for that one."
1:08:27We went on the trip. Oh, you think I
1:08:28could just forget?
1:08:31I can't win.
1:08:33But when you make tawbah with Allah,
1:08:35when you make tawbah with Allah, does
1:08:37Allah bring up what you
1:08:39It's gone.
1:08:41You got to throw it out and say you have
1:08:42to him. He lets it go.
1:08:44But the difference between us and the
1:08:45Christian creed is you're broken and you
1:08:47will always be broken.
1:08:50With us, you can break and then you can
1:08:52fix again. And then you can break and
1:08:54you can what?
1:08:55Fix again. You can fix again.
1:08:58Can you get over your trauma?
1:09:00Yes. Can Allah remove the burden? Can
1:09:02you remove the harm? Can you remove the
1:09:04curb?
1:09:05Yeah?
1:09:06Did he only do that for prophets or is
1:09:08he offering it to everybody?
1:09:10Everybody.
1:09:12It's a very powerful message.
1:09:14It's a very powerful message. People
1:09:16don't forgive. Allah forgives.
1:09:19People don't forgive. And I say it a
1:09:22lot, but I'll say it again.
1:09:25People use Islam in very un-Islamic
1:09:27ways.
1:09:30A mother says, "I will never forgive
1:09:32you, and if I don't forgive you, Allah
1:09:34won't forgive you."
1:09:37There are some super moms like that.
1:09:41Father will say, "You don't deserve my
1:09:44duas, and if I don't bless you,
1:09:47then how will Allah ever accept you?"
1:09:51You know what that sounds like?
1:09:54Azar.
1:09:56Abraham's father.
1:09:58What does it sound like? You're using
1:09:59your religion as a what?
1:10:01As
1:10:04I I'm a father,
1:10:06I'm a father. On Judgement Day, while I
1:10:09am answering Allah for my deeds, my son
1:10:11is over there answering for his deeds,
1:10:13and he's about to go to Jannah, I say,
1:10:14"Hold on, ya Allah, hold on, hold on.
1:10:15Before you continue,
1:10:17I didn't forgive him for that one time."
1:10:21So, uh
1:10:23that way you go.
1:10:24Come on. Does it work like that?
1:10:29We have created this strange idea
1:10:32that some relationships have the power
1:10:34to decide what Allah will do.
1:10:37No one has power over Allah.
1:10:40Even the Prophet was told,
1:10:43"You cannot guide whoever you love."
1:10:45If the Prophet is told this,
1:10:47who are you? Who are Who am I?
1:10:50Why do we have this weird these weird
1:10:52ideas?
1:10:53Look at what Allah says
1:10:55after opening this door of relief, Allah
1:10:57says,
1:10:58"Inna rahmatan lil alameen." Alameen.
1:11:01And actually before that,
1:11:03even inna hadha la balaghun lil qaumin
1:11:05abidin, wa ma arsalnaka illa rahmatan
1:11:07lil alameen.
1:11:08This is a message for all people that
1:11:10worship.
1:11:12And we have not sent you
1:11:14except for a loving mercy for all
1:11:15nations. This is relief from so much
1:11:18karb and so much gham for all nations.
1:11:21This message
1:11:22is for every Every nation deserves this.
1:11:25And so, at the end of all of this
1:11:29you know, messaging, I'm going to bring
1:11:30you back to what I really wanted to say.
1:11:33In Western psychology, you are the
1:11:35center of the universe.
1:11:37You are the most important character.
1:11:40In the Quran,
1:11:42Allah is the most important entity.
1:11:45So, your healing is not coming from
1:11:47inside, it's coming from
1:11:49outside. It's coming from Allah.
1:11:51It's coming from Allah. You're not
1:11:52seeking to find yourself at a Bali
1:11:56vacation.
1:11:59You're not going on a healing journey on
1:12:01a hike
1:12:02to undo your
1:12:05>> [laughter]
1:12:05>> your jealousy with your sister.
1:12:09Or to get over a breakup.
1:12:11That's not where you're going to find
1:12:12it. Or you're not you're you're not
1:12:13going to plug in a ocean sounds app and
1:12:17go to sleep so you can get over
1:12:20you know, your criminal conviction.
1:12:24That might help a little bit. It might
1:12:25take your mind off. It might give you
1:12:27some calm. That's cool.
1:12:29But if you really want to move on
1:12:30without guilt, without shame, without
1:12:32anger, without resentment, without
1:12:34revenge,
1:12:35you don't want to live under the burden
1:12:37of hatred,
1:12:38you don't want to live under the burden
1:12:40of disappointing someone else or being
1:12:42disappointed by somebody else. You don't
1:12:44want to live under the burden of
1:12:45depending on others emotionally
1:12:47constantly.
1:12:48You don't want to live You want to lift
1:12:50all of this carb and all of this gum
1:12:52from your life.
1:12:54Then you've got to develop one
1:12:55relationship really, really well. When
1:12:58that one relationship becomes healthy,
1:13:00all the other relationships can go
1:13:03everywhere, you will remain stable.
1:13:06And that's coming from the outside in.
1:13:08Western psychology will not let you go
1:13:10outside in
1:13:11because there's nothing greater than
1:13:12yourself.
1:13:15And in Quranic psychology, you first go
1:13:17you you first go outside, meaning you
1:13:19turn to Allah,
1:13:21and you let that illuminate you, and
1:13:22then you go inside out. It's actually a
1:13:24two-way
1:13:25street, not a one-way street. There are
1:13:28many positive things in Western
1:13:29psychology, but it's not it's not wrong.
1:13:31It's missing something.
1:13:33It's missing and the piece that it's
1:13:35missing, believers have it.
1:13:38Believers have it. Quran has it. We need
1:13:40to come back to the Quran and develop
1:13:42this for ourselves because we need I
1:13:44need it, you need it, our families need
1:13:46it, our generations need it. And I'm
1:13:47telling you in the in the world of so
1:13:50many messages out there that are trying
1:13:52to tell people how they should feel, how
1:13:54they should live, how they should heal,
1:13:56how they should deal with trauma.
1:13:58The only guided answer that's really
1:14:00there that's not missing any piece is
1:14:02the word of Allah and I pray that we as
1:14:04a nation are able to come back to that.
1:14:05I make dua that this project that we're
1:14:07doing well basically we're doing
1:14:08something called Quranic psychology.
1:14:10And we're it's a it's a massive massive
1:14:12project. All the emotions in the Quran,
1:14:15all the ways that Allah is talking about
1:14:16them, and then comparing them to the
1:14:18different Western psychological models,
1:14:20and then putting them together in a way
1:14:22that even a teenager can read that and
1:14:24learn from it. Like I don't want to
1:14:26write something for PhDs. I want to
1:14:27write something for
1:14:29everybody's consumption so that
1:14:31practitioners, imams, you know,
1:14:33counselors, youth activists, and even
1:14:36just in the families can benefit from
1:14:38that. And so I'm going to wrap my
1:14:40lecture up, but I'll leave you with one
1:14:42last thing because I I said it to a
1:14:43mother today and I said it to one sister
1:14:46today, but I think all of you need to
1:14:47hear it. Don't raise your hand. I know.
1:14:51Uh there are people in your life that
1:14:54are
1:14:57you're stuck to them.
1:14:59And they're very difficult.
1:15:02Maybe it's your mom, maybe it's your
1:15:03dad, maybe it's your brother, maybe it's
1:15:04your sister, maybe it's your ex-husband,
1:15:06maybe it's your ex-wife cuz you share a
1:15:07child together.
1:15:09I don't know who it is, but there's some
1:15:10people in your life you're stuck with
1:15:11them and they're very very very very
1:15:14difficult.
1:15:16And you cannot escape them.
1:15:18Allah designed your life
1:15:20with that chain.
1:15:23Like Ibrahim Alayhis Salam and his
1:15:24father or Nuh and his wife.
1:15:27Right? Or Rasul Sallallahu Alayhi
1:15:27Wasallam and Abu Lahab.
1:15:30You're stuck with some people.
1:15:32You're are with them.
1:15:34I need you to understand
1:15:37that those relationships that are
1:15:38problematic in your life,
1:15:41they cannot control your emotions.
1:15:45You cannot allow those relationships to
1:15:47control
1:15:48your emotions.
1:15:50You have to create
1:15:52a level of toughness, a level of sabr
1:15:57that you don't just listen to what they
1:15:59say, you can block what they say, and
1:16:01you don't change your behavior
1:16:04because you allow them to affect you
1:16:06emotionally.
1:16:08There's a mother and a father, they're
1:16:10divorced, and they have a child.
1:16:12Yeah? They have a child. The mother
1:16:14hates the father, the father hates the
1:16:15mother.
1:16:17The child is in the middle.
1:16:19When the child spends time with the
1:16:20mother,
1:16:21the father gets angry.
1:16:23When the child gets spends time with the
1:16:24father, the mother gets angry. When the
1:16:26child is with the mother, she's saying
1:16:28bad things about who?
1:16:29The father. When the child is with the
1:16:31father, he's saying bad things about
1:16:32who?
1:16:33The mother. Who are you destroying?
1:16:36Now, I'm not I can't tell the child
1:16:38because the child is innocent, and the
1:16:39child's not even an adult. But if that
1:16:40child is 27,
1:16:4235, 40, in the middle, they're in the
1:16:45middle.
1:16:46They need to become tough.
1:16:48They need to understand this person is a
1:16:51patient, and this person is a patient.
1:16:54My mom is a patient, and my dad is a
1:16:55patient, and I'm the doctor.
1:16:58Unfortunately, I'm the doctor. And the
1:17:01doctor
1:17:02sets
1:17:03the operating table.
1:17:06The doctor cannot start crying in the
1:17:07middle of an operation.
1:17:10If the doctor's performing heart
1:17:11surgery, and he starts, "Oh my god, I
1:17:12opened his chest."
1:17:17You're going to kill the patient with
1:17:18your tears.
1:17:20You have to control your emotions when
1:17:22you're dealing with the patient, and you
1:17:23have to say, "Hey, Mom,
1:17:25we can talk about anything, anything.
1:17:27We're never going to talk about Dad."
1:17:29I won't talk about him, you won't talk
1:17:30about him.
1:17:31"Hey, Dad, we can talk about anything
1:17:33you want. One thing we're never going to
1:17:34talk about is who?
1:17:36Mom.
1:17:37>> We can talk about anything else. No
1:17:39problem.
1:17:40Don't tell me how to control my
1:17:41relationship with my father or my mother
1:17:45because that's mine. That's not yours.
1:17:47That's mine.
1:17:48You have no right. Allah didn't give you
1:17:50that right.
1:17:52That kind of toughness has to be
1:17:53developed because Allah has given us
1:17:54principles that not just control our
1:17:57emotions, but it set they set the right
1:17:59kinds of boundaries in every
1:18:01relationship. The right kinds of
1:18:03borders, the right kinds of boundaries.
1:18:05We have to learn to live by those
1:18:06boundaries. And if we don't then we will
1:18:09create oppression and injustice and
1:18:12cruelty inside the family. And if the
1:18:14Muslim family has cruelty, then the
1:18:17Muslim ummah will have cruelty and then
1:18:19the world will have cruelty because the
1:18:21smallest unit of humanity is the family.
1:18:24If you cannot remove cruelty from the
1:18:26family, then you will never remove
1:18:28cruelty from society and therefore you
1:18:30will never remove cruelty from the
1:18:31world. So it's easy to talk about what's
1:18:33happening politically here or there and
1:18:35there and speak against the president
1:18:37and speak against the military and speak
1:18:39against the foreign policy, but very
1:18:41hard to talk about what's happening in
1:18:42your own home.
1:18:44Very hard to face the oppression in your
1:18:45own home.
1:18:47And you want to escape the fact that
1:18:49you're not facing that by yelling and
1:18:51screaming about something else and
1:18:53saying I'm speaking the hug.
1:18:55That's not hug. That's escapism.
1:18:57That's escapism. Don't escape. I'm not
1:18:59saying you shouldn't speak about
1:19:00political injustice, but I'm saying if
1:19:02you're going to be so brave to speak the
1:19:04truth on the outside, you better become
1:19:06brave to stand by the truth inside. What
1:19:09is this hypocrisy?
1:19:11What is it?
1:19:13You're so ready to stand against the
1:19:15world, but not your uncle?
1:19:19We have to set we have to set the right
1:19:20boundaries. We have to stand by them.
1:19:23And we have to face the consequences of
1:19:24them. It will take bravery and the only
1:19:26people who will be able to do it are
1:19:28people who will say no matter how much I
1:19:29get thrown in a fire, I know Allah will
1:19:31make it cold.
1:19:33I know Allah will make it cold. Even if
1:19:35I get kicked out of my house, Allah will
1:19:36will food.
1:19:38Even if I get sick, Allah will make me
1:19:39healthy. Ibrahim Alaihis Salam is going
1:19:41to be homeless. He's going to be
1:19:42sleeping under a tree in the freezing
1:19:44wind. He's going to be He's going to be
1:19:45wet in the rain with nowhere to go, and
1:19:47he's going to say "Wa idhā maridtu
1:19:48fahuwa yashfīni. When I get sick, he's
1:19:50going to heal me. It's okay."
1:19:52Allah got me. Allah got me. Which means
1:19:54he knows he's going to be homeless.
1:19:56He knows it.
1:19:57You know? Alladhi huwa yut'imunī wa
1:19:59yasqīni. I don't know where I'm going to
1:20:01get my food. I don't know where I'm
1:20:02going to drink. Where am I going to
1:20:03drink from?
1:20:04Am I going to drink from this puddle of
1:20:06mud? I don't have a home.
1:20:08Where am I going to get food from?
1:20:11Allah will give.
1:20:12Because I'm I'm obeying him. That's a
1:20:14level of bravery that only comes when
1:20:16you know you're not alone.
1:20:17When you know you're not alone. And the
1:20:19only way you'll know you're not alone is
1:20:21when you have iman in Allah. The biggest
1:20:23psychological crisis of our time is
1:20:25extreme loneliness. Extreme loneliness.
1:20:27Extreme loneliness. Teenagers are
1:20:30committing suicide because of extreme
1:20:31loneliness. People are spending million
1:20:34hun- thousands of hours on social media
1:20:36because they experience extreme
1:20:37loneliness. They're attaching themselves
1:20:39to predators because of extreme
1:20:41loneliness. And the crisis of
1:20:42loneliness, the real answer to the
1:20:44crisis of loneliness number one is the
1:20:46company of Allah. Number one.
1:20:49And when you have that, Allah then
1:20:50creates
1:20:51you know, walladhīna āmanū wa 'amilū
1:20:52al-sālihāti lanudkhilannahum fī
1:20:53al-sālihīn. When people believe and do
1:20:55good, Allah gives them good company.
1:20:58He will remove Not only will you get the
1:21:00company of Allah, Allah will create new
1:21:02environments for you with healthy
1:21:03relationships.
1:21:05Rasul Alaihis Salam
1:21:07did not have a good relationship with
1:21:08his uncles.
1:21:10Not all Not all of them.
1:21:12But Allah gave him Abu Bakr. Allah gave
1:21:14him Umar.
1:21:16Allah gave him Uthman. Allah gave him
1:21:17Ali. Allah gave him Abdullah ibn Zubair.
1:21:18Allah gave him the Sahaba.
1:21:20Allah gave him that. So, whenever
1:21:22something is taken away, Allah will give
1:21:23something better.
1:21:25Allah will provide something better. And
1:21:26that's the That's the message that I
1:21:27want to leave you with. I know this was
1:21:30heavily unprepared.
1:21:32This was a glimpse of a few reflections,
1:21:34but I've actually done quite a deep dive
1:21:35into all of these ayat, and I'd really
1:21:37encourage you to study
1:21:39the full-blown study of these ayat along
1:21:41with me, which alhamdulillah by Allah's
1:21:43grace is available on the Revealed app
1:21:46now. You can just select whichever ayah
1:21:48and look at all of my notes and listen
1:21:50to the concise commentary also. So, I'd
1:21:52really like to encourage you to become
1:21:53part of the Revealed app family. It's a
1:21:56remarkable project of anyone who is
1:21:58engaged with the study of the Quran or
1:22:00is curious about the Quran reading any
1:22:02part of the Quran and just wants to
1:22:03know, I wonder what this ayah is talking
1:22:05about. I wonder if you know, Nouman's
1:22:07done some work on this ayah or has some
1:22:09thoughts on it. You can just hold down
1:22:10the ayah and you'll get my notes and you
1:22:11might even get or you also get my
1:22:12concise commentary on it. You can also
1:22:14post questions on there, which many of
1:22:17you are starting to post mashallah. So,
1:22:19I really encourage you to become part of
1:22:20this revolutionary study and this
1:22:22revolutionary resource that can really
1:22:24help develop a very good bond between
1:22:27you and the Quran and also really great
1:22:29way for me to gain insights on what
1:22:31kinds of things are on your mind as you
1:22:33post your questions. Thanks so much and
1:22:35I hope to see you at the Revealed app.

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