The Power of Nonverbal Communication | Joe Navarro | TEDxManchester — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Transcriber: Amanda Zhu Reviewer: Mirjana Čutura
2. 0:08Nonverbals is everything that communicates
3. 0:13but is not a word.
4. 0:16This beautiful theater,
5. 0:19it's communicating to us.
6. 0:22How you sit is communicating to us.
7. 0:27The things that you attach to yourself -
8. 0:31a purse, a pen, a fancy car -
9. 0:34all these things are communicating.
10. 0:38How you look at others communicates.
11. 0:43And all day long,
12. 0:44we are communicating nonverbally.
13. 0:49All day long.
14. 0:52You can look in on your child as they sleep,
15. 0:54and you can tell if they're having a nightmare
16. 0:57or if they're sleeping soundly.
17. 1:00As you sit there -
18. 1:02and now I'm starting to see some of you -
19. 1:06you're giving information up,
20. 1:10even as I'm giving information up.
21. 1:13You're assessing me.
22. 1:16If I can speak to you from an anthropological standpoint,
23. 1:22I am transmitting information about myself, my beliefs,
24. 1:29the things that I value,
25. 1:31even as you are.
26. 1:35Now that I can see you a little clearer,
27. 1:38how many of you were dressed by your parents today?
28. 1:41Raise your hand.
29. 1:42(Laughter)
30. 1:44Wow!
31. 1:45(Laughs)
32. 1:48Spouses - that's okay.
33. 1:50Your spouses can dr -
34. 1:53So you chose to dress the way you did,
35. 1:58even as I chose to dress the way I did.
36. 2:01They said, "Well, it's TED Talks. You can dress down."
37. 2:05I said, "You know, I was in the FBI for 25 years.
38. 2:08I don't know how else to dress."
39. 2:10(Laughter)
40. 2:11"It would be such a disappointment."
41. 2:14It's like on TV.
42. 2:16They always have suits,
43. 2:18even when they're walking through the marsh.
44. 2:20(Laughter)
45. 2:22It's true.
46. 2:24I can't tell you how many crime scenes I went through
47. 2:26that ruined really inexpensive suits.
48. 2:30(Laughter)
49. 2:32But we look good!
50. 2:33But we looked good.
51. 2:35(Laughter)
52. 2:42I guess humor is allowed.
53. 2:46So all day long, we're making choices.
54. 2:51We're making choices.
55. 2:52They're based on culture.
56. 2:57They're based on peer pressure, on personal preferences.
57. 3:04And so the things we wear and attach to ourselves are transmitting -
58. 3:08our bodies are transmitting information.
59. 3:14And the question that I'm often asked is, well, how authentic is it?
60. 3:21How authentic is it?
61. 3:23And as I pondered this,
62. 3:27I said, "You know what?
63. 3:29What if we think of the power of nonverbal communication?
64. 3:38But let's do it by taking the myths out of it
65. 3:42and plugging in what really values,
66. 3:46what really is a value,
67. 3:48when it comes to nonverbals."
68. 3:52How many of you have had a bad handshake?
69. 3:55(Laughter)
70. 3:57Now, normally -
71. 4:00of course, now we have the coronavirus -
72. 4:02I would have you turn to each other
73. 4:05and give each other a handshake that's really bad.
74. 4:09But I'm not going to do that.
75. 4:10I want you to just put your hand in front of you
76. 4:12and pretend to give someone a bad handshake.
77. 4:15Ready? Let's do it.
78. 4:16(Laughter)
79. 4:18Let's do it, do it, do it.
80. 4:20Yeah.
81. 4:22Yeah, good.
82. 4:24Do you realize the funny faces you make?
83. 4:27(Laughter)
84. 4:28It's like, I didn't ask you to make a funny face,
85. 4:31and yet you did.
86. 4:33Why is that?
87. 4:36Because you're human.
88. 4:38And humans betray what we feel,
89. 4:43what we think,
90. 4:44what we desire,
91. 4:46what we intend,
92. 4:48what makes us anxious,
93. 4:51and what we fear.
94. 4:54And we do it in real time.
95. 4:56We don't have to wait 20 minutes;
96. 4:59it happens now.
97. 5:02And our body language, in a way, it's exquisite
98. 5:07because there's an area of the brain that is elegant.
99. 5:11And it's elegant because it takes shortcuts;
100. 5:14it doesn't think.
101. 5:17If I bring in a Bengal tiger here and walk it around,
102. 5:22nobody sits around and waves at it.
103. 5:26That's like, you know, "Eat me."
104. 5:30No! Everybody freezes.
105. 5:33And that's because of the limbic system.
106. 5:37This rather primitive area of the brain that reacts to the world,
107. 5:41doesn't have to think about the world.
108. 5:44And everything that comes from the limbic brain
109. 5:48is so authentic.
110. 5:50You hear a loud noise and you freeze.
111. 5:54Right?
112. 5:55"What? What was that?"
113. 5:58You get bad news, or you see something on TV,
114. 6:01and you cover your mouth.
115. 6:02(Gasps)
116. 6:03"Why is that?"
117. 6:06When the conquistadores arrived in the New World,
118. 6:11they didn't have any problem finding out who was in authority.
119. 6:17The same behaviors that they had just left in Queen Isabella's court,
120. 6:25they saw in the New World.
121. 6:26The kings sat higher, had better clothing,
122. 6:28had an entourage.
123. 6:31Okay, they didn't have their own show on television,
124. 6:34but pretty close.
125. 6:38So all these behaviors are very authentic
126. 6:44because the limbic system resides within that human brain -
127. 6:49it's part of our paleocircuits.
128. 6:52And so, when we see the furrowed forehead
129. 6:56on a baby that's three weeks old,
130. 7:00we know that -
131. 7:01this little area called the glabella -
132. 7:03something is wrong,
133. 7:04there's an issue.
134. 7:07When we see the bunny nose, right,
135. 7:09when you wrinkle the nose,
136. 7:11yeah, we know what that means -
137. 7:13"Ew, I don't like that,"
138. 7:14"Mm, I don't want that. Don't want that,"
139. 7:18"Ew!"
140. 7:19Right?
141. 7:20Did I just say that in public?
142. 7:22(Laughter)
143. 7:26When we squint, we're focusing, but we have concerns.
144. 7:32Ah, when the eyelids close,
145. 7:35"You want me to do what?"
146. 7:38And if things are really bad,
147. 7:40(Laughter)
148. 7:43"You want me to talk for 15 minutes?"
149. 7:46(Laughter)
150. 7:48Here's what's interesting.
151. 7:50Children who are born blind,
152. 7:54when they hear things they don't like,
153. 7:58they don't cover their ears, they cover their eyes.
154. 8:01They've never seen.
155. 8:04This is millions of years old.
156. 8:11Smiles are important.
157. 8:15And our mouths.
158. 8:16The lips begin to disappear when we're stressed, right?
159. 8:22Most politicians look something like that?
160. 8:25(Laughter)
161. 8:26And right before they're indicted, they look like that -
162. 8:30(Laughter)
163. 8:31dramatic lip pulls,
164. 8:33jaw shifting,
165. 8:36and covering of the neck.
166. 8:38(Gasps)
167. 8:39You've seen that - clutching of the pearls.
168. 8:42They go, (Gasps)
169. 8:43"There's that creep! Oh, he's gone now."
170. 8:45"He's back!"
171. 8:46(Laughter)
172. 8:50But did you know why?
173. 8:53Large felines.
174. 8:56We have seen large felines for so long,
175. 8:59taking down prey,
176. 9:01that we immediately cover our necks.
177. 9:06How many of you've been told
178. 9:07that you can detect deception by the use of nonverbals?
179. 9:15I'm here to clear that up.
180. 9:19When you leave here today, and you say,
181. 9:21"Well, I heard that Navarro fellow,
182. 9:23and he did about 13,000 interviews in the FBI.
183. 9:29He said there is no Pinocchio effect.
184. 9:32There's not one single behavior indicative of deception.
185. 9:37Not one."
186. 9:40And we mustn't propagate that.
187. 9:42We must not tell people
188. 9:44that we can detect that they're lying because of behaviors.
189. 9:48They may be anxious,
190. 9:50they may be stressed,
191. 9:52but not deceptive.
192. 9:55How many of you have been told that if you cross your arms,
193. 9:58that you're blocking people away?
194. 10:01Have you heard that?
195. 10:02There's a clinical term for that.
196. 10:05It's called "crap."
197. 10:06(Laughter)
198. 10:09Yeah, I said it.
199. 10:11(Laughter)
200. 10:12Get over it.
201. 10:13(Laughter)
202. 10:15It's crap.
203. 10:16It's a self-hug.
204. 10:18You're comfortable.
205. 10:19Yeah, where does this nonsense come from?
206. 10:26You know, I'm asked a question often:
207. 10:28"So, you know, Joe, you were a spycatcher.
208. 10:32You use nonverbals every day.
209. 10:34What do you use it for?"
210. 10:36To make sure people are comfortable.
211. 10:40To make sure that we are empathetic.
212. 10:44The only way to be truly empathetic is by understanding nonverbals.
213. 10:51Carl Sagan, the famous cosmologist, said,
214. 10:56"Who are we? What are we?"
215. 11:01If you think about that,
216. 11:02it really takes a smart person to ask that question.
217. 11:07What are we in this universe?
218. 11:10And he summed it up this way -
219. 11:13and I think it's rather exquisite -
220. 11:16he said all we are is the sum total of our influence on others.
221. 11:25That's all we are.
222. 11:27It's not how much you earn.
223. 11:29It's not how many cars you have.
224. 11:31It's our influence on each other.
225. 11:34And what's interesting is
226. 11:36that the primary way that we influence each others
227. 11:41is through nonverbals.
228. 11:44It's that nice handshake;
229. 11:47it's the pat on the shoulder;
230. 11:49it's that touch of the hand.
231. 11:52It is that behavior that communicates love
232. 11:56in a way that words simply can't do it.
233. 12:02When you leave here, you're going to have choices.
234. 12:06You always have choices; you have free agency.
235. 12:12And one of the things that you should think about is,
236. 12:15How do I change my nonverbals?
237. 12:19How do I become that person of influence?
238. 12:24Because if there's one thing we need in this world,
239. 12:28it's truly to be more empathetic.
240. 12:32And so when I see this,
241. 12:35it says it all.
242. 12:37That's why we use nonverbals -
243. 12:41because they're powerful.
244. 12:43Thank you.
245. 12:44(Applause)