The Oldest Child COMPILATION — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00how parents apologize David your teacher
2. 0:02just emailed me and said you got a D
3. 0:04minus Mom I'm not even in
4. 0:07school what is wrong with you is that
5. 0:09tone I hear you don't talk back I'm not
6. 0:13even in School Mom I'm on summer
7. 0:18break what are you doing Justin uh
8. 0:22nothing are you sending a fake email to
9. 0:24no I ain't having that Mom stop mom no
10. 0:28Mom we've been over this I'm your middle
11. 0:30child oh yeah David's friend right no
12. 0:35whatever the point is Justin was the one
13. 0:37that sent the email not the teacher he
14. 0:39was just trying to get David in trouble
15. 0:40again oh are you going to
16. 0:44apologize
17. 0:46Sor oh my gosh do you want McDonald's no
18. 0:50I don't Burger King no Wendy's I don't
19. 0:53want food mom I want an
20. 0:56apology Chick-fil-A oh yeah sure the
21. 0:59oldest child can't catch a
22. 1:02[Applause]
23. 1:06break mom why am I the favorite Child
24. 1:10well you're the youngest child I kept
25. 1:11having babies until I found one I
26. 1:13actually liked so you're saying if you
27. 1:15had another child you wouldn't like me
28. 1:18as much that's exactly what I'm saying I
29. 1:20need to make sure Mom still believes
30. 1:22everything I say hey Mom yes watch this
31. 1:26did you just bring my totally non fake
32. 1:28plate uh
33. 1:31um
34. 1:33no it was David I knew it attention
35. 1:37passengers the pilot has been swapped
36. 1:39with David's mom Sarah Clark so sit back
37. 1:42and enjoy the ride wait my mom's
38. 1:44piloting the plane oh
39. 1:46[Music]
40. 1:49no he got what he deserves VOA I'm a
41. 1:53Genie and I will grant me three wishes I
42. 1:55know you got it what's your first wish I
43. 1:58wish for my mom to stop whooping me not
44. 2:00possible first wish spent but you
45. 2:02couldn't do it it doesn't matter what's
46. 2:03your second wish I wish for invisibility
47. 2:05like the middle child wish granted all
48. 2:08right how do I turn invisible by doing a
49. 2:10backflip I can't do a backflip that's
50. 2:13your problem you are useless I am not my
51. 2:16name is Genie not useless oh my what's
52. 2:19your third wish um
53. 2:22he I know my third
54. 2:25wish have you seen Justin
55. 2:29[Music]
56. 2:39trying to be the favorite Child what if
57. 2:41I become the favorite child being the
58. 2:43oldest doesn't help but I think I could
59. 2:44pull it off you think you can become the
60. 2:47favorite Child yeah can you read my mind
61. 2:49we're the same person
62. 2:51so you got a point mom how can I become
63. 2:55the favorite Child I love both of you
64. 2:57equally both what about me we'll check
65. 3:00your report card later 1,000 Robo here
66. 3:03we come did you just use my credit card
67. 3:06to buy Robux it was David what you saw
68. 3:10him do it I knew it was you David okay
69. 3:12what does Justin say um no it was Justin
70. 3:16stop lying to me prepare to get whooped
71. 3:19in the next week worth a shot it really
72. 3:22wasn't you're right where' mom
73. 3:25go no no mommy no no no no come here you
74. 3:28little that Oliver yes Mom must have
75. 3:31found his report card Oliver saved me
76. 3:34now you David never mind my mom let me
77. 3:38go Jus mom I got you let it go let it go
78. 3:44what is wrong with you let him go why
79. 3:50cuz I said
80. 3:53so I'm sorry Justin mom no what the did
81. 3:58you push Justin off the deck no he died
82. 4:01of natural causes how is this natural
83. 4:04are you talking back to me and what are
84. 4:06you going to do about it you're up
85. 4:08there
86. 4:10Mom hey yo yo what the fighting a bully
87. 4:15hey I'm going punch you who are you I'm
88. 4:17going to punch you like my dad does to
89. 4:18me every night for the past 10 years
90. 4:21what take that Dad
91. 4:25huh come on dad I'm not your dad we'll
92. 4:28see
93. 4:33[Music]
94. 4:34lights out
95. 4:36kiddo okay Dad that's
96. 4:40enough get him thanks I'm talking to the
97. 4:43other guy
98. 4:45really Mom he hit me what's your mom
99. 4:48going to do ground me is that a slipper
100. 4:52that's a slipper that's not going to do
101. 4:54anything setting off fireworks just I
102. 4:56all fireworks do you want to oh what are
103. 4:59you doing just trying to get my steps in
104. 5:00for the day getting all your steps in at
105. 5:02once doesn't help anything well if you
106. 5:03have super speed nobody cares about you
107. 5:06I know can we do fireworks now not until
108. 5:08night time really I'm going to set them
109. 5:09off when they're not looking hey Justin
110. 5:11are you ready to set off fireworks you
111. 5:12say something what are you doing I'm
112. 5:14going to light it no what is going on
113. 5:18down there it's glorious oh my God enjoy
114. 5:20the show did you just set off fireworks
115. 5:22in the house no it was David oh I knew
116. 5:26Mom I beg you you literally witness
117. 5:27Justus and committing the crime you
118. 5:29think I'm going to believe you over my
119. 5:30favorite I mean my youngest child you
120. 5:32could have just said your favorite child
121. 5:33we all know by now who are you does it
122. 5:35really matter hey where did David go you
123. 5:37get back here get to Mom's intelligence
124. 5:40saddens me D how you she teleport time
125. 5:43to get wed in the next
126. 5:45week must be player one can I play yeah
127. 5:49just grab a controller little bro yay
128. 5:51nonviolence hey are you player one yeah
129. 5:53I need to be player one why does it
130. 5:55matter because I'm older that doesn't
131. 5:57even make any sense shut up how is it
132. 5:59player two mine's player one again you
133. 6:01evil how I don't know you guys are a
134. 6:04movie you can't play that Mom what David
135. 6:07killed me I'm dead huh how dare you he
136. 6:10wouldn't be speaking if he was
137. 6:12dead helpful Mom hey Justin what shut up
138. 6:16dude that was kind of funny hey Mom what
139. 6:17shut up excuse me it better be unless
140. 6:20you want this Bell up your ass dad do
141. 6:21you know where I put my phone why would
142. 6:23I know because you could see through
143. 6:24literal walls good point uh it has to be
144. 6:26somewhere oh thank God Mom I thought I
145. 6:28was looking for something think that
146. 6:29didn't exist watch your toe do you have
147. 6:31any idea where it could be did you look
148. 6:32where you left it last no I was going to
149. 6:34look where I left it first don't talk
150. 6:36back to me the storm's Brewing
151. 6:38yep ow watch your step that would have
152. 6:41been helpful 5 seconds ago all right
153. 6:43that's
154. 6:45it telling on my aren't you grounded
155. 6:48yeah but I'm not doing anything are you
156. 6:50though Justin no you promis not to get
157. 6:51me in trouble I'm not the one getting
158. 6:52you in trouble it's the Nintendo switch
159. 6:54my work here is done Justin no are you
160. 6:56playing video games when you're grounded
161. 6:58no Justin send me this that is the
162. 7:00lamest excuse ever no he's serious I
163. 7:02don't care about your opinion now time
164. 7:04for a whoop you know what mom no did he
165. 7:06just tell me no I must destroy him
166. 7:08that's it it was just David has the game
167. 7:10not me I have it on camera shut up okay
168. 7:12fine believe me Mom for once in your
169. 7:14life please no ooh that had a no it's
170. 7:17your turn I didn't do anything I know it
171. 7:19was you who gave David the game really
172. 7:20then why'd you whoop him cuz I felt like
173. 7:22it now time to get in the next week
174. 7:24that
175. 7:25backfire ah perfect my next victim your
176. 7:29birth certificate was an apology to the
177. 7:31doctor ouch good one you're on his te
178. 7:33aren't I always yeah you're right Your
179. 7:34Existence is the reason for population
180. 7:36control dang you're also the reason they
181. 7:38put instructions on shampoo bottles oh
182. 7:40nice one who are are I'm homeless and I
183. 7:42just walked in get out can I live here
184. 7:44oh yeah sure cool Co anyways David I'm
185. 7:45not finished with you you're such a JK
186. 7:47how dare you call my Justice such a
187. 7:49thing really you're not King David from
188. 7:50the Bible you're Joe King David cuz your
189. 7:52life is a joke I need to stop him I'll
190. 7:54use his power against it cuz you're in
191. 7:55it how dare you all right that's it
192. 7:57David you need to quit being me to your
193. 8:00what time to get whooped in the next
194. 8:02week
195. 8:03boy noral hey did you guys see that
196. 8:05what' you say oh sorry no need to
197. 8:07apologize David you're fine wait wait
198. 8:09wait you're not mad at me why would she
199. 8:10be yeah what Oliver said you know his
200. 8:12name he's my child I would never forget
201. 8:13him yeah you guys are being too normal
202. 8:15wao David Put the gun down what are you
203. 8:17doing man oh that's so uncool man who
204. 8:19are you yo what's up Joe what's up Sarah
205. 8:21who's Joe what do you mean you know Joe
206. 8:23from you know from where yeah how you
207. 8:25doing man this is too peaceful you're a
208. 8:28happy family
209. 8:31a I want love for Christmas there is
210. 8:35just
211. 8:38one stop killing me what the heck if you
212. 8:42get caught you're dead then I won't
213. 8:44you're
214. 8:45bad what no who turned the TV off I
215. 8:48don't know it might just be glitching I
216. 8:50died that must be sad for you okay who
217. 8:52is doing that not me give me the remote
218. 8:54I don't have it Mom just know what's
219. 8:56wrong David's turning off the TV is it
220. 8:58time for a whoop look I don't have it if
221. 9:00I come in here again your Gat will be
222. 9:02destroyed that sounds so wrong don't
223. 9:03talk back to me you better not do that
224. 9:05again that's it mom your insides will be
225. 9:07outsides by the time I'm done with you I
226. 9:09didn't do it this time sorry David
227. 9:11really it was
228. 9:12you bro you stuck out last night how'd
229. 9:15you know that you took a picture wait is
230. 9:17that Mom oh you're dead maybe she didn't
231. 9:19see me no she was looking directly at
232. 9:21you yeah I'm dead so where were you last
233. 9:23night uh sleeping really are you sure
234. 9:25about that Sarah where were you last
235. 9:27night sleeping I'll tell Dad don't you
236. 9:29dare you promise not to whoop me I won't
237. 9:30make a promise I can't keep hey Dad no
238. 9:33Mom was at a hey Dad's in this photo too
239. 9:35is this true no I was also sleeping did
240. 9:37anyone not leave the house last night
241. 9:39all that's it we were all at the party
242. 9:41so why am I getting in trouble cuz I
243. 9:42feel like it you can't whoop me why not
244. 9:44cuz I'm just a chill guy oh then I'll
245. 9:47just move Justin wait what come here boy
246. 9:49I didn't do anything