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The Ocarina of Time Remake is Not a Masterpiece — Transcript

by Lord Frogmire · 11,525 words · 1,711 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:02I didn't expect to get emotional. I
0:03don't know why I am.
0:04>> Bro, what the
0:05>> Ocarina of Time, supposedly the greatest
0:08game of all time, has just gotten a
0:10remake. And despite being a flawless
0:12masterpiece, Nintendo has somehow
0:15surpassed themselves by doing absolutely
0:18nothing by AI Unreal Engine upscaling
0:21the art style and making two basic
0:24gameplay changes that aren't even direct
0:26improvements. Said before, this is this
0:28is no regular
0:30I forgot there's a jump button now. That
0:31was extremely necessary. I don't know.
0:33I'm not going to complain about a jump
0:35button.
0:36I'm lying. Yeah, I will. [ __ ] you. This
0:38game didn't need a jump button. Africans
0:40going to live. I keep forgetting there's
0:42a [ __ ] jump button, dude. It didn't
0:44need it. The game didn't need it. It
0:46didn't need it. It was fine. It was
0:48fine.
0:50God damn it. I I love how I changed the
0:52jump button and immediately forgot that
0:54a jump button existed. We have
0:55successfully blown every millennial's
0:57mind, brought them back to their
0:59childhood, and created the first 11 out
1:02of 10. This sounds like an exaggeration,
1:04like I'm making things up just to make
1:07fun of people, but this is true. These
1:08are real things that have been said
1:10about this game.
1:11>> The highlight of me having a Switch 2 is
1:14also being the highlight of [music] my
1:16Nintendo life career so far. So I have
1:20>> It's you've already played it, man. It's
1:22no different. You've already played it.
1:25Like I don't think this is unique, by
1:27the way. I don't think this is like, oh
1:28my god, we're just finding the worst
1:30people possible. This is actually how
1:32these like the normie thinks is if you
1:34give them the exact same thing they've
1:37already had, but the graphics are
1:39different. It's like this [ __ ]
1:41changes my whole life, man. It's the
1:44same game. How are you why even make
1:46anything? Why make anything good and new
1:48or interesting if people are this
1:50impressed by the divisively improved
1:53graphics and nothing else? Originally, I
1:55wasn't even going to make a video on
1:58this game. Not only is a remake of a
2:00game I've already played, but I don't
2:02really even care about Ocarina of Time.
2:04But I decide to give it a chance anyway
2:06cuz maybe they changed some things. And
2:08I was fooled at first. They made
2:10Kakariko Village a little bigger. They
2:13added a jump button. So perhaps there'd
2:15be new platforming challenges. They even
2:18moved where you get your first sword.
2:20You have to make a jump now. So despite
2:22being generally disgusted with the
2:23character design, dude, he's so [ __ ]
2:26ugly. Look at his god damn nose. You
2:29don't have to make the dolls like that.
2:31I I get he's supposed to look like a a
2:33plastic demon creature of some kind, but
2:35you didn't have to give him like the
2:36Neanderthal look. Like what the [ __ ] is
2:39going on there? The bridge of his nose
2:41is bigger than his actual nose. So I was
2:44cautiously optimistic. I wonder if they
2:47changed more than I think. What what if
2:48this is the greatest Zelda game of all
2:49time and it's just completely hideous?
2:52Like it's just disgusting to look at.
2:54But but it but it's impeccable gameplay.
2:57We we all know this isn't true, but what
2:59what if it is then? Only to discover
3:01that nothing else was changed. That was
3:03it. You're playing the exact same game
3:05you did in 1998 and then again in 2011.
3:10So I decided no video. I don't need to
3:12make a video on this. I already said
3:15everything I felt about the game in my
3:17trailer reaction video because the only
3:19meaningful changes were with the
3:21visuals, which you can easily see in a
3:23trailer. My opinion of the art style
3:25didn't magically change just cuz I was
3:27holding the controller. But then I had
3:29the very unfortunate idea of checking
3:32out some other reviews.
3:34>> Move onto foot.
3:35>> I don't know, man. It's a girl talking.
3:38I don't know if I want to listen. That's
3:40a lot. That's a lot to ask of me. I want
3:42to see what everyone else is saying
3:44about the game cuz I can't even imagine
3:47what you would talk about. If you're
3:49evaluating a remake, you have to justify
3:52why it's worth buying this game over the
3:55original. And the only difference there
3:57is to talk about are the updated models
3:59and textures. And surely you can spend
4:0220 minutes just talking about that.
4:04Surely that can't be worth an 11 out of
4:0710.
4:07>> 11 out of 10.
4:09I don't even give things scores. 11 out
4:12of 10.
4:12>> This game
4:15they did it again.
4:17They did it again.
4:19The worst part is the game is so [ __ ]
4:22Again, it's not bad. Ocarina of Time's
4:24not a bad game, and the remake is just
4:26the same game, but it's so mediocre that
4:28he can't even show anything interesting
4:31where he's like, here's the proof that
4:33they recreate the magic just [ __ ]
4:35standing in [ __ ] UE UE 5 grass. Well,
4:39what I unfortunately figured out is the
4:41answer is you just lie. That's all you
4:42have to do. Just spend 20 30 minutes
4:45lying. Don't even bother comparing it to
4:47the original game. Just say it's better
4:49and don't explain any further. In fact,
4:52call Ocarina of Time the greatest game
4:54ever made and then say it's dated and
4:56hard to go back to. You know, cuz that's
4:58what ever means. It means it was good
5:00only at that one time and never again.
5:03>> Time, the best game ever made. I really
5:06believe that. It's It's so good, but it
5:09was dated, and I felt trying to play
5:11>> That's so [ __ ] pain. I hate I hate
5:13him. Dude, I hate normies so [ __ ]
5:15much. Best game ever made, but it's
5:18dated. Then it's not the best game ever
5:20made. What do you mean? That's
5:22infuriating. That's an infuriating thing
5:24to say. I can say with very confidence
5:26that what I believe to be the best game
5:28ever made is good now and will be
5:29forever. And when it's surpassed and
5:31it's no longer good, it becomes dated,
5:34then it won't be the best game ever ever
5:35made anymore. That's what ever means.
5:38And because every millennial played the
5:40game when they were like eight, they're
5:41incapable of criticizing it in any way
5:44since the reason they like it in the
5:45first place is just nostalgia. So rather
5:47than calling the game dated because the
5:49combat is simplistic
5:53This is very engaging combat, by the
5:54way. It is true to the original. Also,
5:56do you see that mid-air jump? Look at
5:59mid-air jump in Kino. Look at that.
6:02How How health does this guy have?
6:04I did it.
6:05It's parry slop except you don't have to
6:07parry.
6:09It automatically does it for you. The
6:11bosses are trivial.
6:13You can get
6:14Wait, it's already over?
6:17No, this is phase two. This is phase
6:19two.
6:21This is how you know it's a a [ __ ]
6:24No.
6:26Oh, never mind.
6:28Never No.
6:31No.
6:32No.
6:33I thought he was going to go beetle
6:35mode. He's going to grow wings,
6:38fly at me. I have learned nothing. I
6:40have gained nothing, and I am sad. The
6:43puzzles are for the mentally impaired.
6:45>> One big contraption forcing you to think
6:47of the room you're in as part of the
6:49larger whole where decisions and
6:51discoveries in one area impact another.
6:5328 years later, these
6:54>> No, dude. No, dude. This is [ __ ]
6:56super genius. What you're describing is
6:58definitely what's being shown on screen.
7:00>> in one area impact another.
7:02>> That's so impressive, dude. You saw
7:04there's like a fire, and then you shoot
7:05it to get to the other fire. Why do the
7:07game reviewers never just be honest to
7:09be like, look, look, these are Zelda
7:11games. They're meant to be fun, and
7:13you're having an adventure. They're made
7:14for small children. The puzzles are for
7:16dumb dumb
7:18for dumb dumb
7:19If you are a dumb dumb
7:20you Yay, puzzle yay. For like adults,
7:23which we are all claiming to be, they're
7:25they're just kind of annoying.
7:28They slow you down like a little bit.
7:29Hyrule field is barren and
7:31uninteresting. I could go on, but you
7:33get my point. There are things you could
7:35call the game dated for, but that would
7:37require admitting the game has
7:39legitimate flaws, which the millennial
7:41cannot do, but they still have to say
7:44that this remake is somehow better, and
7:46the only way of doing it is to just lie.
7:49The controls The controls are dated.
7:51>> The controls were too hard to get your
7:53head around. The visuals had obviously
7:54not aged well, so I I always
7:58>> What?
8:00What?
8:01The controls?
8:03What control was hard to get your head
8:06around? Best game ever made, but it's
8:08aged poorly and the controls are bad.
8:11There's [laughter]
8:11What the [ __ ] are you talking about,
8:13man? What would it what what were you
8:15confused by? You're like, I keep hitting
8:17the jump button and it's not jumping. It
8:19jumps for me. That's so much harder than
8:21jumping on my own. Do you know Ocarina
8:23of Time, which every modern game copied
8:25its [ __ ] controls from? The IGN
8:27review calls the automatic jump
8:30difficult and precise. The auto jump, it
8:33jumps for you.
8:35>> You have to line up perfectly and
8:37perform a running auto jump.
8:39>> You no longer have to line up perfectly.
8:44Line up
8:45perfectly. I I don't believe they played
8:47the game. I just don't. I don't Like I
8:49know they say they did.
8:51They obvious They're millennials, so
8:53they should have played the original.
8:55I don't believe them.
8:57Ocarina of Time had the easiest jump. It
8:59was impossible to [ __ ] up. Impossible.
9:01It was not line up perfectly. You just
9:03ran near any edge and you would jump in
9:05a straight line. The amount of hoops you
9:07have to jump through to explain that
9:09having a jump button and needing to
9:11press at the right time and at the right
9:13angle, not the biggest deal. Every game
9:16ever has it. But trying to explain that
9:17that is somehow easier than just running
9:21off any ledge.
9:22And the game is designed around it. It's
9:24impossible to [ __ ] up ever.
9:26>> Which transforms careful tightrope
9:28sequences into snappy platforming. He
9:30respon
9:31>> First of all, even the way you explained
9:32it makes the second way sound worse.
9:34Tightrope sequences, intense? Doesn't
9:37that sound like a video game you'd want
9:40to play? Doesn't that sound exciting?
9:42Now, if you actually play the game,
9:43that's not like it is because the game
9:45has an auto jump, which means it's
9:47impossible to [ __ ] up. It is the
9:49complete opposite of what you're
9:50describing. What you should have argued
9:52in the original game, it is impossible
9:55to [ __ ] up any jump if you're not being
9:58because it jumps automatically for you.
10:00So now this is adding a level of
10:02challenge to the game where you actually
10:04have to intentionally jump when you want
10:06to, right? That's how you would explain
10:08it if you had actually played a game
10:10before. But these people haven't and
10:12they just lie and they don't care. It
10:14could not get any easier. You might say
10:16it takes away player autonomy maybe. It
10:19limits the challenges they can create.
10:21But difficult? Are you [ __ ] with me?
10:23It somehow makes it easier now that you
10:25have to do it on your own. Not that it's
10:27anymore engaging either, given they
10:29didn't change the level design to
10:32accommodate. So there's still just these
10:34straight line unmissable jumps. I'm
10:36getting too in the weeds already though.
10:38The point I'm trying to make is that I'm
10:41the only real ass frog out there. I
10:43didn't want to talk about this game, but
10:45I have to because it's not good enough
10:47to just soy out and cry cuz the game
10:49looks pretty. You have to lie and
10:51[ __ ] your way through a review cuz
10:53Nintendo's [ __ ] is so deep down your
10:55throat you can't even tell it's there
10:57anymore. If you're only here to find out
10:59if it's worth buying, if you want the
11:01too long didn't read on that, it's the
11:03same [ __ ] game. If you want to play
11:05Ocarina of Time again and you're not put
11:07off by the visuals, go ahead and spend
11:09$60 for a game you could get for free.
11:11None of the gameplay changes are
11:13meaningful and it has objectively less
11:15content than the remake that came out on
11:17the 3DS.
11:18>> The Master Quest, which was previously
11:20only released in America on the GameCube
11:22version, has been turned into a sort of
11:23hero mode for this release.
11:25The whole game is mirrored, including
11:27Link himself.
11:27>> All right, well there you go.
11:28Objectively now the 3DS remake I know
11:31this like I would never even play this
11:33so it doesn't matter that much. But now
11:35100% objectively the 3DS remake had more
11:38content than the Switch 2 game that is
11:40$60. It also looks worse too if you ask
11:43me.
11:43>> Had we turn an N64 game into
11:45>> [ __ ] better Jabu Jabu's belly looks,
11:47man. This is scary. This is
11:50intimidating. This feels like you're
11:52going on an adventure. You're not going
11:54to a rave with mommy and then she leaves
11:57you to go do drugs. That is also kind of
11:59scary, but it's a different feeling.
12:00>> They made the iron boots more convenient
12:03which the 3DS game already did and they
12:05made the Water Temple a little easier
12:07which was completely unnecessary. The
12:09temple was never hard. You were just a
12:10child.
12:11>> I'd give it like a 7 out of 10.
12:13>> I don't know. It's fine. Know what this
12:14video is about is there's not a single
12:16real game reviewer on YouTube, and all
12:18of them will lie to your face and feel
12:20nothing, probably because they're lying
12:22to themselves as well. I'm just using
12:24this game as the perfect example of why
12:26they have no soul, and also one more
12:29opportunity to [ __ ] on millennials.
12:31Anyway, make sure to like, comment,
12:32subscribe. It's time to talk about how
12:34Nintendo can do literally nothing and
12:37still get jerked raw by every gaming
12:39reviewer.
12:42What's he doing with his hands?
12:45He seems to have a fairly large
12:48nose, too. Now, I want to start not by
12:51talking about what anyone said, but what
12:53they didn't say, which can be just as
12:55important. Remember I said there was
12:57only two real gameplay changes, so it'd
12:59be kind of weird if he didn't talk about
13:01one of them. Basically, every review
13:03mentioned the super cool and innovative
13:05jump button that's been in every game
13:08ever, but only a few mentioned the
13:09second change, and when they did, it was
13:11barely an aside. What I'm talking about
13:13here is the item wheel, the Breath of
13:16the Wild list system, I guess, is now
13:19how you use items. If you don't know how
13:21it worked originally, is you would go
13:24into the item menu and you could equip
13:26up to three items that were all attached
13:29to three different buttons. It worked
13:31perfectly fine unless you needed to use
13:33more than three items at a time, which
13:35you very rarely did. And even then, it's
13:38a slight inconvenience of having to go
13:41into a menu. But now, at the push of a
13:43button, you can cycle through every
13:45single item in the game, which sounds
13:47like it should be better, right? This
13:50should be faster to switch items, except
13:53for the fact that it's this massive list
13:55that you have to scroll through
13:56everything to find what you want, which
13:58wouldn't be so bad if there weren't so
14:00many of them. They even add a new one,
14:02but still not that big of a deal. I
14:05would still only consider it a mild
14:07inconvenience if it wasn't for one other
14:09thing. You can now only equip one item
14:13at once. People complained in the
14:15game about three not being enough. Now
14:18you can only equip one, and that's
14:21somehow an improvement. Remember, if you
14:23ever want to change, you have to scroll
14:25through the whole list. It's not that
14:27annoying the first time, but it
14:28certainly adds up. The game was not
14:31designed around you only having one at a
14:33time, and I wouldn't be making that big
14:35of a deal out of this, but not a single
14:38review mentioned this. People claiming
14:40the Ocarina of Time is their favorite
14:41game, greatest game ever made, yet you
14:43didn't even think this was worth
14:45mentioning.
14:46>> I don't have a single bad thing to say.
14:49I enjoyed the piss out of playing this
14:51game today. I'm not even I'm not a
14:53journalist.
14:54>> what reviewers don't exist. There's no
14:56such thing as a reviewer anymore.
14:58Really, you can't find one thing, not
15:00one thing to complain about. You don't
15:02find it kind of annoying that you have
15:04to scroll through 20 items every time
15:06you want to change an item? You don't
15:08even find that mildly annoying? Maybe
15:10they could just let you have three items
15:12again equipped at all times. Maybe that
15:14would have been fine, and then you can
15:15have a scroll bar, you know, if that's
15:17too few. You don't think that would have
15:19been reasonable? Like not even worth
15:21mentioning that something this
15:23fundamental has been [ __ ] up? I
15:25haven't played the game in like 14
15:27years, and I don't even like it, and
15:28this was the first thing I noticed. Is
15:30this what they meant by dated? They
15:32wanted to switch items more? There
15:34wasn't enough menuing in the game?
15:36Again, I wouldn't harp on it this badly
15:38if the game changed anything else. The
15:41whole point of a review is telling you
15:43why you should buy something, and why
15:45should you buy a remake over the
15:47original? Because of the changes made?
15:50So you think you would talk about the
15:52changes? But no, this is slightly
15:54divisive. You might have to make an
15:55opinion of some kind. You might even
15:58have to make a judgment on the original
16:00game. Something else that has been
16:02conveniently ignored by all the
16:04reviewers is a series of changes that
16:07have all worked together to minimize the
16:10sense of adventure. First, they try and
16:12take the player out of Link's shoes by
16:15removing your ability to name him as
16:18well as giving him more characterization
16:21through the cut scenes and his facial
16:23expressions. Where before it was pretty
16:26clear that you were supposed to be Link,
16:29now you are forced to face the fact that
16:31you're a pathetic adult man controlling
16:34the will of a small child.
16:36>> But at the same time, I really felt like
16:37Link wanted to go on this adventure.
16:39Like full I just wanted to be go be a
16:40hero, but it's so clear in these moments
16:43that he has some resentment.
16:44>> then uh the the writers were humans as
16:47opposed to the demon bug men uh that
16:49make video games now. And they're like,
16:51hey, the player is going to self-insert
16:54as the character. And obviously the
16:56player wants to play the game. So it
16:59makes sense if the main character is not
17:01a reluctant protagonist. For some reason
17:03every millennial [ __ ] loves reluctant
17:05protagonist, but they don't make any
17:07sense in a video game. Cuz the one thing
17:09the player wants to do is play the
17:11[ __ ] game. Pain, this is not an
17:13improvement. It's just not. Next they
17:15tone down all of the edge, all of the
17:17horror that came from the original game,
17:20minimizing the sense of danger which is
17:23required for an adventure. Courage is
17:26what separates a hero from anyone else.
17:29Their willingness to face danger, to
17:32face fear. And you can't have fear
17:35without horror. Again, this is something
17:37not mentioned by any of the reviews we
17:39watched. They took all of the spooky
17:42atmosphere cuz you need spookiness for
17:45an adventure. That's what makes
17:47adventures exciting is that they're
17:49dangerous. And a part of danger is that
17:51it's scary. You are a child in the game
17:54and you're a child playing it. So if the
17:57character is afraid, you should be
17:58afraid. And because we're not in the
18:00dangerous situation, the only way to do
18:03that is with like creepy environments
18:05and enemies and stuff. So you really do
18:07lose a lot when you take all of it away.
18:09And they absolutely took it away in this
18:11game. The
18:12green glow is not scary that we're like
18:15looking at right now. It it looks
18:17[ __ ] dumb and it's adding light to
18:19what is supposed to be a dark area.
18:21Things that are dark are spooky and
18:23scary. Things that are bright and lit up
18:25like mommy's room is not scary. They
18:28also took all the ghosts and made them
18:30like cartoons. No one talked about that.
18:32That looks like I want to add some gay
18:33ass rave. This looks spooky. This looks
18:36scary. This I'm like, oh my god, this is
18:37serious. I'm like on a real [ __ ]
18:39adventure. I'm a kid waiting over his
18:41head. I'm scared. This is like, oh [ __ ]
18:43I went I got in the club and mommy's not
18:46here. No, I'm scared mommy's not here
18:47and I'm in the club. How did I get in
18:49the club? I hate this. The modern game
18:51reviewer has become a car salesman. And
18:53when you're trying to sell a car, you
18:55don't tell them it's been in 15
18:57accidents and the trunk doesn't close
18:59properly. You just talk about how great
19:01the seats are and listen to the engine
19:03purr.
19:04>> Time I'm playing tonight, there was
19:05nothing that stood out to me as far as,
19:07oh, where did that go? Or I was missing
19:09that or that's changed in a bad way or a
19:11negative way. Other than the hand I get
19:13the the hand has a weird spotlight on it
19:15now, which makes it way too easy and I
19:17wish it were I wish that was scarier and
19:18more like just the shadow. I don't know
19:21why they threw yellow paint all over
19:22that. Other than that, everything felt
19:24exactly how I remembered it or better
19:26than I remember
19:27>> For talking about yellow paint, Lost
19:29Woods not really a big puzzle. It wasn't
19:32very hard.
19:33All it was was you have a bunch of paths
19:36and you pick the path where you can hear
19:38the music. And they added yellow paint
19:40to the red the right path. You just have
19:42yellow music notes coming out of the
19:44right path.
19:45If you want to talk about yellow paint,
19:47that's the by far the it's not even a
19:49puzzle anymore. They just tell you where
19:51to get It's like having a giant sign
19:52that says go this way. Look at that.
19:56If if you're going to have an
19:57accessibility feature for this, at least
19:59make it so you have to turn it on.
20:01But no, everyone just now, apparently. I
20:04wonder where to go, huh? I wonder where
20:06to go, huh? And when you ask them about
20:09the oil dripping at the back of the car,
20:11they tell you you'll never notice that
20:13while driving.
20:14>> Now they look like demon. You're not
20:16going to mention that it looks like a
20:17[ __ ] demon. You're just not going to
20:18mention it. There's no no human can look
20:21at this and not be like that face looks
20:23a little [ __ ] up. That's not how
20:25humans don't look like that. It people
20:28don't look like that. Demons, demons of
20:31some kind are what look like that.
20:33Speaking of which, it's now time to talk
20:35about the visuals. And I won't talk
20:36about this too much cuz I already said
20:38everything I really feel in the trailer
20:40video. But to summarize my thoughts, it
20:43doesn't look like it has a real art
20:45style. It's just realism for the sake of
20:47it. And I really hate the character
20:49designs. They look ugly. Zelda looks
20:51like an Easter Island head.
20:56And Link looks like the ugly kid from
20:59Stranger Things.
21:00>> It's one to one, man.
21:02It's one to one.
21:05He even has the two [ __ ] teeth poking
21:07out.
21:09You're uh this is insane. Why did they
21:12do that? Why does he have those [ __ ]
21:13up lips?
21:14>> Bro, just look at the lips. Once you see
21:16this, you can never unsee it. Also, the
21:19fog is completely ridiculous. They found
21:21one plug-in in Unreal Engine and decided
21:24to use it everywhere. Not only is it
21:26extremely distracting, but it makes
21:28areas like the Lost Woods feel a lot
21:30less special.
21:31>> Walk and it separates as you kick it up.
21:33The lighting, the HDR. Some areas are
21:36fully blown red. Some areas
21:38>> restraint, man. You bring up the fog. If
21:40the fog was only there in that little
21:43cave, it'd be fine. That fog is [ __ ]
21:46everywhere, man.
21:49What the [ __ ] Where is this?
21:52Did that did that
21:54Oh oh [ __ ] I'm back. God damn it. The
21:56fog made it so I couldn't even tell.
21:59We're back. I hate it, dude. No more
22:00fog.
22:01Whoever invented the fog must die.
22:06Dude, I can't Dude, it even has frost
22:08like a cooler. I'm opening a cooler and
22:11I 'm getting Chinese organs out. This is
22:13my Chinese organ from my
22:16from my cooler.
22:17Those are the only things I can think of
22:19that are in coolers. You guys can let me
22:21know if if you're supposed to put
22:22something else in there.
22:24But
22:25From I understand, only Chinese organs
22:27can be found inside a cooler.
22:29>> There is so much fog in the game, and I
22:31know exactly why they did it. Because if
22:33you pay attention in Hyrule Field, the
22:35[ __ ] texture quality is ass when
22:37you're looking at things far away. So
22:39they used the fog to kind of hide that.
22:42But it's everywhere, man. It's
22:44everywhere. They have no restraint.
22:47>> Striking colors with light bouncing
22:49>> look at that hard striking color that
22:51you can't [ __ ] see because of the
22:53fog, man.
22:54>> them. The game is absolutely gorgeous,
22:56all contrasted by Hyrule Field, which is
22:58a beautiful, bright blue sky, green
23:01grass, oak
23:02>> Show me the bright blue sky.
23:04Show it to me.
23:05Where's this bright blue sky you're
23:07speaking of? I see a muddled blue behind
23:10white fog. That's what I see. Bright,
23:12clear blue sky is the last thing I see.
23:15That's a bright blue sky, but that's
23:16what I'd call a bright blue sky, not
23:18what we were looking at [ __ ] before.
23:20That's the end of my opinion on it.
23:22There's not much point in saying anymore
23:24because you can't really argue with
23:25taste. You either do or do not think it
23:27looks good. But unfortunately, just
23:29saying you like how the game looks and
23:32you disagree with the dissenters is not
23:34good enough for the modern game
23:36reviewer. There has to be some level of
23:38bullshittery. They have to make their
23:40reviews seem more objective, no matter
23:43how absurd it sounds. The first argument
23:46I heard is that it looks how they
23:48originally wanted the game to. You know,
23:51it's what the game is supposed to look
23:52like if they didn't have all those pesky
23:54limitations. To which I say [ __ ]
23:57you're obviously lying here. This is
23:58just objectively untrue. We have concept
24:02art of the original designs, and they
24:04look nothing like how this game looks.
24:06They look infinitely better.
24:07>> It's clear that the game was meant to
24:09have a more vivid Disney-like style, and
24:11I think the remake does a
24:12>> Vivid, Disney-like style. What he's
24:15saying is absolutely true. That was the
24:17original design. Look at this. First of
24:19all, you look at the original designs,
24:21and you're like, wow, the guy made this,
24:22obviously knew what he's doing, right?
24:24This is appealing art style. The game's
24:27great. Everyone loved the game. Does
24:28this look like it was the same style?
24:31Does this even look like like
24:34I'm like getting angry talking about it.
24:36Look at how much worse this is. Why does
24:39he look dysgenic? He has fetal alcohol
24:41syndrome. Look at the clothes, man. Does
24:44this look like we're going to take his
24:46clothes and modernize them? This isn't
24:48what [ __ ] clothes looked like. Oh,
24:50wow, doesn't that look different?
24:52This is what this is based on. Look,
24:54it's just one piece of cloth with a
24:56belt. Link, one piece of cloth with a
24:58belt.
24:59This is what it's supposed If you're
25:00doing a realistic version of it, this is
25:03what it looks like. Not this
25:04overdesigned dog [ __ ] It does look
25:07overdesigned and bad, but I couldn't
25:09really point out why. And it's because
25:11this isn't what Link wears. This isn't
25:14like, oh, we're taking the original
25:15design and we're making it realistic.
25:17It's the opposite. This is less
25:19realistic than the [ __ ] N64 game. Do
25:22these two Links look the same to you?
25:24Does this look like what they originally
25:26intended? It's like watching an anime
25:29and being like, oh, Wind Waker was live
25:30action. I bet they'd make it live action
25:33if they could. It's bad enough to be a
25:34soulless bug man who thinks realism is
25:37the best art style, but it's so much
25:39worse to think it's the only one that
25:41can exist. That this is the pinnacle
25:42that every other art style is trying to
25:44emulate and simply failing. No, if you
25:47want to talk about how they wanted the
25:48original game to look, just look at the
25:513DS remake. That's something that's
25:53actually faithful. What looks closer to
25:56the concept art? What looks actually
25:58visually appealing?
25:59>> The most acclaimed game in history is
26:00even better without the boring art.
26:02>> look like a [ __ ] monster. Why?
26:05Why would they do this? What do you
26:07gain?
26:09What do you gain from doing such a
26:10thing?
26:12What the [ __ ]
26:14Ew.
26:15Ew.
26:17Ew.
26:19Ew. But moving on from that, I feel like
26:21I proved my point. This is a different
26:23interpretation. So imagine you still
26:25hate how the game looks. What's the
26:27argument for why you should still play
26:30the remake over the original or the
26:32other remake. Is it a gameplay change,
26:34maybe? No, the biggest selling point of
26:37the remake is the new art and the
26:39reviewers have to shill the game. So
26:41they say, yeah, I know you hate the new
26:43character designs and they look
26:44hideously ugly, but you just have to buy
26:47and play the game and it won't bother
26:49you anymore. Just spend money, chud,
26:51consume product, and the problem will
26:54just magically go away. This is a real
26:56argument, by the way. I'm not making
26:58this up.
26:58>> Completely washed away when you actually
27:01play the game. I mean, imagine that.
27:02Imagine actually giving the game a
27:04chance before complaining about it. When
27:05you watch a
27:06>> though. I did though, and nothing
27:09changed. Isn't that what's so
27:11incredible? They say this every time.
27:13They're like, but you didn't you didn't
27:15eat the poopy. You didn't eat the poopy.
27:17Unfortunately, I have to play the [ __ ]
27:19game, so I do and I'm like, wow, it's
27:22exactly what I thought it was.
27:24In this one, it's not even [ __ ] I'm
27:25just like, oh, it's just going to be
27:27exactly the same as Ocarina of Time,
27:29except the characters look bad. And I
27:31was right. It is exactly the same as
27:32Ocarina of Time, except the characters
27:33look bad. Of all the arguments you can't
27:36do this for is visuals. You don't need
27:38to play something to see it. You see,
27:40when you play the game, you'll be
27:42looking at the back of the character's
27:43head most of the time. You'll be
27:45focusing on the environment and the
27:47enemies, so you won't even notice the
27:50bad character design.
27:51>> You actually play the game, you're not
27:53looking at Link, you're looking at
27:54everything other than Link.
27:56>> Look at this demonic Look, this is a
27:58demonic stare.
28:01It causes me great discomfort.
28:04Great discomfort.
28:07I simply don't approve.
28:09They won't let me get too close cuz they
28:11know I would throw up. This is a safety
28:13feature.
28:14>> Cuz you're the player now. You're not
28:15just
28:16>> no, you piece of [ __ ] you lying [ __ ]
28:19What about those cut scenes you were so
28:21impressed by? What about the cut scenes?
28:23You were freaking out just [ __ ] 30
28:24seconds ago about the the cut scenes are
28:26it's like a movie. Breathtaking. It's
28:29like a movie. Like Nintendo's games are
28:31feeling more and more like animated
28:33Disney movies when you play them.
28:35>> Every [ __ ] normie did. Every goddamn
28:38normie. It's like a movie, dude. My
28:40favorite part about video games is how
28:42they're not like a video game. I love
28:44going to the movies. I really wish the
28:46video games were just going to the
28:47movies, man. Not playing anything during
28:49that movie, are you? Then you have to
28:51look at the characters, don't you?
28:53>> about the presentation when the remake
28:55was first properly revealed,
28:56particularly around [music] the
28:57characters' faces. Any doubts about the
29:00approach will fade away as soon as you
29:02start playing. Everything [music] looks
29:04right, whether it's Link's design or
29:07Sora's generation.
29:08>> Did they like get the same script? Did
29:10Nintendo tell them to like say these
29:12specific words? Cuz the other guy also
29:15said that. Uh you may I know it looks
29:17bad. I know it looks bad, but the second
29:19you play it, it doesn't look bad
29:20anymore. Why though? Why? Oh because you
29:24focus on the gameplay. Okay, what about
29:25the cutscenes that you're so impressed
29:27by? Uh don't talk about those. Those
29:29aren't real. Uh-uh. And ignoring the
29:31fact how insulting that is to people who
29:33design characters and just doing things
29:35well in general. How about all the times
29:37you're looking at the other characters
29:39or I don't know, Link stares directly at
29:41the [ __ ] camera every time you get an
29:43item? Or even better, how about the
29:45cutscenes? The same reviewer who made
29:48this argument was talking about how
29:50great the cutscenes are minutes before
29:52this. In the remake has even more and
29:55longer cutscenes than the original. Am I
29:57just supposed to close my eyes during
29:59this part? Not to mention the faces are
30:01definitely the worst part of the
30:02designs, but the rest is almost as bad.
30:05Link's costume is overdesigned dog [ __ ]
30:08This is not what it's supposed to look
30:10like. This is not taking the original
30:12design and up rezzing it. It's creating
30:14a whole new look that doesn't even make
30:16any [ __ ] sense. I get it. He's from
30:18Kokiri Village. That means his clothing
30:20should be made out of leaves, not hemp
30:22rope. I just can't imagine having the
30:24balls to say you can't judge the visuals
30:27from a trailer. You have to play the
30:29game to know how it looks. Well guess
30:32what? I played the [ __ ] game and it
30:33looks the the This shouldn't be a
30:35surprise to anyone. Moving on from them
30:37defending against the critics, what do
30:39they actually say makes the game worth
30:42buying? What are the big improvements
30:44other than the visual fidelity? Well,
30:46the vast majority of every review is
30:49just talking about Ocarina of Time.
30:51Anything they say about the new game
30:53could be said about the original other
30:55than the visuals, of course. There is
30:58one other big upgrade every reviewer
31:00needed to bring up, and that's the
31:02cutscenes, and they might be the worst
31:05thing ever.
31:06>> The cutscenes also feature voice acting,
31:08and it's some of the best we've heard
31:09from a first-party Nintendo [music] game
31:11in
31:14>> What?
31:19Okay, we did it. I'm I'm proud.
31:21And now I'm dead.
31:24>> Now we can eat as much good old rock
31:26roast as our hearts desire,
31:28and it's all thanks to you.
31:32>> Hey,
31:32you're too strong for your own
31:34good, yeah?
31:34>> [ __ ] bad, dude. The voice acting
31:37brings me great pain.
31:39Okay, we will. I promise. I promise, but
31:42you have to leave me alone.
31:44This is this is the experience of
31:46talking to any elderly man where it's
31:48like, all right, I got to go. I got to
31:50go. I got I got to work. Got places to
31:52be, and they're like, you know, I went
31:53like minigolf last weekend. I'm like,
31:56okay, yeah, that's cool. Minigolf's
31:57cool. I have to go now.
31:59And then they die. And then they just
32:01die while talking to you.
32:09And And then they actually they're still
32:10talking. While while they're dying and
32:11like being lifted into the ambulance,
32:13they're still talking to you.
32:15It's like, okay, we get it.
32:20Why did
32:22Why they do
32:23Why they do that?
32:25Why is the bridge of her nose so [ __ ]
32:28big, dude?
32:29>> that?
32:30A fairy?
32:31>> This is supposed to be a princess.
32:33This is a goblin. I hate [ __ ] modern
32:36voice acting so much.
32:38They always speak while either breathing
32:41in or exhaling. I hate it.
32:43>> So we're all
32:44hungry.
32:45>> [groaning]
32:46>> Jesus.
32:47Brother rocks everywhere.
32:50Brother's rocks all around you.
32:52>> I am just about ready to blow.
32:54[screaming]
32:55So you see
32:56>> Dude, that was the worst voice acting
32:57I've ever heard. I'm just ready to blow.
33:00Oh my god. He's ready to blow.
33:04Holy [ __ ] he looks like a little pug
33:05goblin.
33:07[laughter]
33:07Dude, the face he was making.
33:09>> You already
33:10>> Yeah, he does have human eyes.
33:13That's [ __ ]
33:14>> You alone.
33:16You would do well to remember that.
33:18>> Why does everything look [ __ ] in this
33:19game?
33:21This did not need voice acting, dude.
33:26[laughter]
33:31He's chucking and jiving, dude. He's
33:33jiving.
33:35A whole new generation is going to love
33:36Ocarina of Time for this. This
33:38definitely isn't for millennials. No,
33:39no, no. Which you don't really need a
33:41review for given you can just watch a
33:43trailer and there's everything you need
33:45to know. So instead they moved on to
33:46praising things that were either in the
33:483DS remake while pretending that game
33:50never happened. You would be baffled how
33:52basically no one mentioned it.
33:54>> Motion aiming in third person has turned
33:56me into a sniper. Both the slingshot and
33:58bow feel like far more viable parts of
34:00your arsenal.
34:01>> Hey, you know there's another game that
34:02did that. Can anyone think of another
34:04game that did that that added motion
34:06controls more gyro added gyro controls
34:09to Ocarina of Time?
34:11You know, I I'm like it's right on the
34:13tip of my tongue, man. I think there was
34:15another game that did that.
34:17It was called like Ocarina of Time or
34:19something.
34:20Maybe 3D something along those lines.
34:24You stupid [ __ ] I hate you.
34:25>> I just wanted Nintendo to bring this
34:27game up to a new standard so that new
34:30players could play it for the first time
34:32and experience it. That was before they
34:33even announced a remake and then I saw
34:36>> They already I've
34:38I'M GETTING ANGRY. HE'S GETTING ANGRY.
34:40Would are we just said pretend like the
34:42other one never happened? The 3DS remake
34:45just didn't exist? What the [ __ ] you're
34:47talking about? Or by praising things
34:48that were impressive in like 2004. Like
34:51how about the fact that the game has
34:53facial animation? Yeah, that's a real
34:55big thing nowadays. I mean, just look at
34:57how expressive Link is here. He
34:59definitely doesn't look like he's
35:01staring into the abyss. This isn't me
35:03cherry picking the worst example, by the
35:05way. The reviewer chose this to show off
35:08how good it is and how it really
35:10elevates the game.
35:11>> And it's just you can see in his face
35:13he's upset. He feels bad. He doesn't
35:16>> Look at Link's face right now and tell
35:17me that this guy isn't lying straight to
35:19your [ __ ] face. Why are you lying to
35:22me? What Like What are you [ __ ] What
35:24emotion are you seeing in his face? With
35:27That is like as dead pan as you Oh wait,
35:29there's my mouse. This is like as dead
35:31pan as you could possibly be. This is
35:33like the That's the thousand yard He's
35:36[laughter] He's staring straight into
35:38the [ __ ] abyss. I I think if you if
35:41you did like a pixel analysis, you'd be
35:43like his face is changing by like 10 to
35:46maybe 15 pixels at a time. But they'll
35:49they'll tell you it's subtle. They're
35:50like, no, no, no, no. I know it's fairly
35:52rigid, but it's subtlety. It's subtlety.
35:55Nothing about this is subtle as he
35:57[ __ ] ducks his head and runs away.
35:59It's just the animation's not that good.
36:01I already mentioned how IGN was so happy
36:04they added a jump button because it was
36:06too hard in the original. You know, just
36:09running in a straight line that that
36:11takes big brain. That's somehow more
36:13difficult than running in a straight
36:15line and then pressing a button. I guess
36:17they couldn't argue that the jump button
36:19actually added to the game in any way
36:22since the level design wasn't changed to
36:24accommodate it. So instead they had to
36:26somehow argue this is better controls.
36:28Sure, it adds autonomy, but it's
36:30autonomy you don't need because the game
36:33wasn't built around it. Maybe if they
36:35added awkward jumps at weird angles with
36:38varying distances, then it'd be like a
36:40real platformer. But that'd be too much
36:42effort. That's nowhere near the most
36:44baffling thing praised about the remake,
36:46though. What's far more ridiculous is
36:48praising the game for doing nothing.
36:51>> Music. It is mystical. It is magical. It
36:54will send shivers down your spine. If
36:56you If you have nostalgia for this
36:57music, it's going to make you cry.
36:59>> It's like it's all the music that's
37:01killing me. It's like the music more
37:03than anything else.
37:05>> Dude, I I wish I Like what It's the same
37:08[ __ ] music that they have done an
37:09orchestral version of 500 times, dude.
37:14Zelda music has been remade so many
37:17[ __ ] times. What are you
37:18talking about? I don't even think he's
37:20lying to us. I think he's lying to
37:22himself cuz I refuse to believe First of
37:25all, you're pretending like the 3DS
37:27remake doesn't exist, but that you
37:28haven't heard the orchestral version of
37:30these songs before. This It's the most
37:32uncreative way of doing this. I know
37:34this sounds like me insulting it. In
37:36fact, that's how I would insult the
37:38remake, that they basically did nothing.
37:39It's a one-to-one port with updated
37:42visuals. No, what I mean by praising the
37:44game for doing nothing is the reviewer
37:46will posit a reason for why the original
37:49was bad and how the remake has improved
37:51because that's how you sell a remake is
37:53it has to be better than the original in
37:55some way.
37:56>> I've probably fired more slingshot
37:58pellets across my two full playthroughs
38:00of this remake than in every run of the
38:02original combined.
38:04>> [snorts]
38:04>> What about the other one? What about the
38:06other one? You know there was another
38:08one, right? Do you know there was
38:10another one? Also, wait a second. You
38:11know You know You know in the original
38:13game you could just [ __ ] lock on,
38:14right? Why wasn't he locking on? Wait a
38:16second. Wait a second. [ __ ] my noggin
38:19is starting to joggin it. Can you just
38:21lock on and then you'll never miss? Like
38:23look at the examples he showed. Why
38:25aren't you locking on? You could just
38:27lock on here. Why are you aiming instead
38:29of locking on?
38:31Like why aren't you locking on? Can you
38:33just lock on? Am I wrong? Am I like
38:35making this up? Why isn't he just
38:36locking on? You don't even need to aim
38:38here. You could easily do that in the
38:40original and nothing would be different.
38:43Yeah, you're right. Navi's even hovering
38:45up Okay, so he's just making it up. He
38:48This is entirely made up. The problem is
38:50this remake didn' improve anything
38:53because all of the changes are minor and
38:54the ones that are more substantive are
38:57arguably downgrades. That sounds like
38:59quite the conundrum, so let me explain
39:01how they figured their way out of this.
39:03Nintendo Life criticized the original
39:05Ocarina of Time saying Hyrule Field was
39:08barren and lacking in content, which is
39:11true. The reality is when you play the
39:13game, it's basically just a space to
39:15move between fairly slowly, rolling, or
39:17side jumping. And the remake has solved
39:20this problem by improving the graphics.
39:22>> Yes, but it's also quite small and empty
39:25when viewed through a modern lens.
39:27>> Small and empty viewed from a modern
39:30lens. It's not very impressive or
39:32interesting. There's not that much to
39:33discover. So let's hear how they changed
39:36that. How do you make it less barren in
39:38the remake?
39:39>> The remake with its breathtaking
39:41visuals, modernized controls, [music]
39:43and revamped soundtrack
39:45>> They changed the visuals.
39:47They changed the controls, which people
39:49keep saying that, but I don't know what
39:50the [ __ ] they're talking about. They
39:52changed the music and that somehow makes
39:53the open world less barren. It makes it
39:56less small and empty. What the
39:58That doesn't even make any [ __ ]
39:59sense.
40:01This is the most reviewer [ __ ] ever,
40:03man, where it's like, all right, the
40:05original game was kind of bad cuz the
40:07combat kind of sucked. Uh and they fixed
40:10all that in the remake cuz the music's
40:12like good now. It looks prettier. That
40:14is not a solution. They have nothing to
40:16do with each other. A lack of content is
40:18not solved by making it prettier. The
40:20fact that there is now fog doesn't make
40:22it any less boring to roll through.
40:26This is the best part of the game, by
40:27the way.
40:28If you played Ocarina of Time, you'd
40:30know this is the best part of the game.
40:33Just doing this through Hyrule Field.
40:40I'm almost there.
40:45I'm almost there.
40:47I'm going to get there. Don't you worry.
40:49The power of the N64.
40:53Dude, I know why they add the fog, by
40:54the way. It's because anything far away
40:56has an super low texture quality.
41:01And they try to hide it with all the
41:02fog.
41:05Onward.
41:07I get that the only improvement you can
41:09find with the remake is that you think
41:11the graphics are better, but that does
41:12not mean you can present a gameplay
41:15problem and say it's somehow solved by
41:18better graphics.
41:19>> It's a modern interpretation that adds
41:21depth to what was already there through
41:23its rich
41:24>> What depth was added? Nothing was What
41:26are you talking about?
41:27It does not It doesn't add anything The
41:29graphics are different. Again, we just
41:30watched a a review recall the game 11
41:34out of 10. At no point did he even make
41:36that argument that they added depth that
41:39wasn't already there. Holy [ __ ]
41:40>> art style and expanded dialogue. Whether
41:42you're
41:51>> Really?
41:53Really?
41:55That That's what we call depth.
41:58I hate them
41:59so much. It's unreal.
42:02It is [laughter] unreal.
42:05You know, Miyamoto, I want to add some
42:07depth to Mario. I think the the game
42:09needs more depth.
42:11And Miyamoto's like, okay, son, Frog
42:14son,
42:15what does that mean? Well, I'm thinking
42:16more dialogue
42:18and cut scenes.
42:19I think that'll that'll really deepen
42:21the gameplay. If it's any wonder why
42:24modern gaming is so ass.
42:27That This is This is what These are
42:29premier game reviewers. They speak for
42:31the people, you know? In their view, how
42:34you add depth to a game is more dialogue
42:37and more cut scenes. This is peak bug a
42:39man behavior, but that's not even the
42:41worst of it. At least they like
42:42presented a problem and tried to like
42:44trick you into thinking it's solved.
42:46Even better than that is presenting
42:48nothing at all, just saying the game is
42:50better and moving on. I can't even think
42:52of a more peak Nintendo delusion than
42:54saying, look at how amazing this game
42:56is. This is proof it's an 11 out of 10,
42:59way better than the original, and then
43:01showing a clip of standing completely
43:03still. How is this any different than
43:05any other game with high fidelity
43:07graphics? Are all those games 10 out of
43:0910s, 11 out of 10s? Or no, is it just
43:11special when Nintendo does it? I think
43:13we all know the answer to that, but they
43:15give one more opportunity for undeniable
43:18proof that the game is amazing. Just
43:20look at the game. LOOK AT THE GAME.
43:24LOOK AT WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE, PEOPLE.
43:26WHAT ARE you
43:27What What do you mean? What What am I
43:29supposed WHAT ARE YOU [laughter]
43:31WHAT DO YOU MEAN LOOK AT THE GAME? Look
43:34at what? What am I supposed to be seeing
43:36here? Like at at this angle, you don't
43:39really see any of the disgusting
43:41character designs, so so it just kind of
43:43looks like a I don't know, a really
43:45mediocre PS3 game, maybe PS4. And the
43:48actual gameplay that's going on is is as
43:51basic as it could possibly be. Where
43:53it's like, look what's going on here.
43:55The gameplay is Pong if the paddles
43:58didn't move.
44:00The ball doesn't move and the paddles
44:02don't move.
44:03This is more basic than the most basic
44:06game ever created. Look at what we're
44:07seeing. How are you How are you not
44:09sowing out right now? What I don't even
44:11know I even if I was soyman, I wouldn't
44:14even know what to sow for. Are you
44:15impressed? Have your socks been blown
44:18off? What he showed us was a clip of
44:19Pong, and even that's a little too
44:21generous. It's Pong, but the paddles
44:24don't move and the ball only travels in
44:26a straight line. But look at the cool
44:28lighting effects, so that makes it an 11
44:30out of 10 undeniably. It's funny, it
44:32really seems like the other reviewers
44:34ran into the same problems I did, that
44:36there was just nothing to really say
44:38about the game. The only real change are
44:40the visuals and everyone already talked
44:42about it. We saw everything we needed to
44:44see with that second trailer. The few
44:47other changes they did make only become
44:49less impressive once you played the
44:51game. It turns out the jump button was
44:53entirely pointless and they only added
44:55it so that they could say they added
44:57stuff. And the majority of the level
44:59design changes happen in Kakariko
45:01Village. Other than that, they just made
45:03a couple puzzles easier, which I only
45:05heard IGN complain about, which is
45:07funny. Because they changed so little,
45:09the only real content for a review would
45:12be comparing it to the 3DS remake. Then
45:15you might have a lot of stuff to talk
45:17about. Yet out of all the reviews I
45:19watched, not a single one did that and
45:21the vast majority didn't even mention
45:24the game, pretended it never happened.
45:26One of the reviewers even went on a long
45:28diatribe on how they thought Ocarina of
45:30Time needed a remake for so long. And
45:34yet still they refused to bring it up.
45:35And the only reason I can see why they
45:37won't is because it'd make the game look
45:40bad. It'd be really hard to shill the
45:41new game when the 3DS one did everything
45:44it did and has a more faithful art
45:46style, also had objectively more
45:48content. I will give them credit.
45:50Multiple of the reviews did bring up
45:52that they didn't include any kind of
45:54Master Quest, but somehow no one
45:56mentioned that the 3DS remake had a
45:58mirror mode or the fact that Nintendo is
46:01obviously doing this so that they can
46:03add a DLC or if we're really lucky, a
46:06free update. But given the Bonanza DLC
46:09was $15, there ain't no way Master Quest
46:12is going to be free. In fact, Breath of
46:14the Wild Master Quest wasn't free. But
46:16that would be suggesting that Nintendo
46:18might do something bad and you're not
46:20allowed to do that. In fact, when the
46:21reviewers brought up how people have
46:23been critical lately of all the remakes
46:25that have been coming out, how the
46:27gaming industry has no ideas left, that
46:30the only way of making a good game is
46:32just to copy off of what they have
46:34already made. And his counterpoint was,
46:36yeah, I agree with all that, except
46:38Nintendo does it different. When
46:40Nintendo makes a remake, it's special,
46:43which is just objectively wrong. When
46:44Nintendo makes a remake, it's almost
46:46always [ __ ] up in some way, almost
46:48always has some fundamental flaw even
46:51when it's good. Just off the top of my
46:54head, the Paper Mario and the
46:55Thousand-Year Door remake didn' run at
46:5860 FPS even though the original did. The
47:01Star Fox remake ruined the art style,
47:04added unnecessary cut scenes to an
47:06arcade game, and it's buggier than the
47:08original. Or how about basically every
47:10modern Pokémon remake has [ __ ] up
47:13something? Like how about remaking
47:15Diamond and Pearl but not including any
47:18of the improvements from Platinum,
47:20making it objectively worse than a game
47:22that came out on the DS? No, when
47:24Nintendo makes a remake, it's generally
47:27worse. But that's really the crux of the
47:29issue here. When it comes to Nintendo,
47:31people are willing to excuse anything
47:34because they grew up with it. They love
47:35Nintendo because it reminds them of when
47:38they're a child during happier times.
47:40And the same goes for Ocarina of Time.
47:43Why everyone's so impressed with this
47:44remake that does basically nothing is
47:47because they were never impressed with
47:48Ocarina of Time because it was a good
47:50game. They were impressed with Ocarina
47:52of Time because they were a small, dumb
47:54child and they had never seen anything
47:56like it before. That's why somehow
47:58magically every Zoomer thinks the game's
48:00mid while every Millennial thinks it's
48:03amazing and can't explain how. Because
48:05every Zoomer's already played a game
48:07like this 500 times. [ __ ] Nintendo
48:09alone has made Ocarina of Time like four
48:12times. Twilight Princess is just Ocarina
48:14of Time but better. Don't at me.
48:15Seriously, don't at me. I think Twilight
48:17Princess I don't like that much either.
48:18But that 's why these reviews seem so
48:20nonsensical. Their feelings for the
48:22original game have almost nothing to do
48:25with the game itself.
48:26>> Have so much passion specifically for
48:28Zelda because of this game. This game
48:30gave me happiness in a time where I
48:32didn't have any. And then immediately
48:34with Majora's Mask,
48:35>> This is what I don't get, right? This is
48:37apparently like the most special
48:38gamerest game ever. Then how
48:42how can you claim, first of all, that
48:44the original game is dated because of
48:47the controls
48:49and the graphics and that's it? So it's
48:51like you you should like you grew up
48:53with this. You should like this art
48:54style. You should like this game. What
48:56is it dated for? And then you play a
48:58remake and nothing is different.
49:01Nothing. And then you it's 11 out of 10
49:04all of the sudden. Shouldn't you know
49:05the game like the back of your hand?
49:07Shouldn't you be able to tell that
49:09nothing has changed?
49:10>> I like Princess Skyward Sword
49:11back-to-back. These moments, these
49:13memories of these Zelda games are my
49:16favorite memories in gaming. So when you
49:18touch something like that, when you try
49:20and redo something like that, it's such
49:21a high bar and even fun and tender.
49:24Maybe.
49:25>> It's not a high bar for you though.
49:27That's what doesn't make any sense to
49:28me. They didn't do anything. Right? All
49:31they did was change the graphics. It's
49:33divisive, by the way. We'll just call it
49:35divisive. Anyone with a brain thinks it
49:37looks like ass, but we'll call it
49:39divisive. They only changed one thing
49:41and it's divisive. And you're like they
49:43cleared the hot How is that That's the
49:45lowest of a bar as I could think of is
49:47only changing the graphics. God damn, a
49:49man.
49:49>> Tired of entering a new room, taking out
49:52the enemies within, and then figuring
49:53out what it's asking of me. Like which
49:55block I need to push where or what
49:56switch I need to hit next.
49:58>> Dude, the problem is if you're thinking
50:00like this, then every game is a 10 out
50:02of 10. No
50:04This is what I don't understand. It's
50:05like the inconsistency always with
50:07Nintendo games. It's like almost always
50:09with Nintendo cuz Nintendo games get
50:10like a bonus five points for no reason.
50:12But it's like if this is actually how
50:14you feel, you kill three [ __ ] bats in
50:17a room that takes no challenge
50:19whatsoever. You just lock on and shoot
50:21your little bow at them and they or your
50:23slingshot and they instantly die, right?
50:25So no challenge whatsoever, instantly
50:27clear three bats. And then you do a
50:29puzzle where all you have to do is push
50:31a block and the only possible way it
50:33will go. There's nowhere else it can go.
50:35You just push it forward and that's the
50:36whole puzzle. And he's talking like this
50:38is the greatest thing ever made. It's
50:39like if that's actually how you feel,
50:41then every game is a 10 out of 10.
50:43>> The dungeon bosses are giant threatening
50:46puzzles to be solved usually with a
50:48specific item. They go down fairly quick
50:54>> Come on.
50:56Come on. Guys, you were here. You were
50:58here. Best game ever made, by the way.
51:00You were here.
51:02They died in like 20 seconds. And I
51:05don't know if you'd call it a puzzle
51:06that, oh dude, I got the bomb from the
51:08dungeon, and then the guy who opened his
51:11mouth.
51:12Uh, what do I do? What do I do? I don't
51:15know.
51:17I don't know, man. I don't know.
51:19>> Play once you know their tricks, but I
51:21don't mind when part of the fun is
51:23racing to improve my time in the boss
51:25rush mode. These fights are filled with
51:27epic moments, like knocking an enormous
51:29>> extremely generous way of describing
51:31that. Where it's like, I know the bosses
51:33are really basic and made for dumb dumb
51:35reap. That just makes it more exciting
51:37to do in the boss rush.
51:40That's um
51:42That's definitely a way of putting it. I
51:43think I would just say that the bosses
51:45aren't the focus of the game.
51:47It's made for small children. It's fine,
51:49you know. What makes the game dated is
51:51not the controls or the graphics. I'm
51:55going to blow your mind, guys. I'm going
51:57to blow your mind.
51:58If you don't think any Zelda game except
52:01Breath of the Wild, that's the only one
52:02that's kind of different, is dated, then
52:04you're not going to think Ocarina of
52:05Time is dated cuz they're all the same
52:07[ __ ] game. Ocarina They made Ocarina
52:09of Time like 12 times.
52:10[laughter] Twilight Princess, it's
52:12Ocarina of Time again. Skyward Sword,
52:14it's Ocarina of Time but bad. Uh, there,
52:16you know, Majora's Mask, that that is
52:18just Ocarina of Time. It's that it was
52:20the first of its kind, so obviously
52:22they're going to [ __ ] stuff up. And
52:24games have built upon and improved that
52:26foundation a thousand times over. But
52:29none of these reviews can mention any of
52:30that cuz that would mean admitting
52:32Ocarina of Time isn't the greatest game
52:34ever made. So you have to somehow say
52:36it's the greatest game ever, ever
52:38meaning forever and ever and ever, never
52:41to change, and yet somehow it has now
52:43been improved. Do do you see why I
52:45couldn't make like a review of this?
52:47That it's like not even possible. This
52:48is This is the most positive review
52:51possible. He gave the game an 11 out of
52:5410. It's the most positive review
52:56possible, and the only thing he could
52:58come up with, something new and
53:00innovative
53:02First of all, actually nothing even
53:03innovative. Just something new from the
53:05original game, was shitty cutscenes and
53:09[ __ ] humming into your mic to play
53:12Ocarina songs. That that's it. Holy
53:14[ __ ] man.
53:15>> and is both an exceptional remake of an
53:18incredible game and a rich adventure
53:20that stands on its own.
53:21>> that's what I don't But I still didn't
53:23What are the improvements?
53:25>> This remake proves there's still so much
53:27value in the traditional Zelda formula.
53:30The dense, intimate world of Hyrule is
53:32stuffed with charming characters and
53:35fascinating secrets.
53:36>> of
53:36>> Its intricate dungeons are satisfying to
53:38unravel, even if their somewhat
53:40streamlined design has slightly dulled
53:42the special feeling.
53:43>> like every like good thing he's saying
53:46is just the original game. He's like
53:48isn't it so cool to be playing a real
53:50Zelda game again cuz they stopped making
53:52those. And it's like yeah, that is kind
53:54of cool, but you could just do that
53:56anytime by playing the old games. You
53:57don't have to have new thing, you
54:00[ __ ] bug man.
54:01>> Everything has been thoughtfully
54:02upgraded to such degree that this will
54:05completely replace the original for
54:06many. While the lack of master quest
54:08means it falls short of
54:09>> this is why I hate remakes, by the way.
54:11This is why I hate remakes is that line
54:13right there. This completely replaces
54:15the original.
54:17I know she said for many, but this
54:18completely replaces the original. We've
54:20watched three reviews. All of them are
54:24overwhelmingly positive. We can only
54:26think of a handful of things that are
54:28even different, but it it replaces it
54:31because uh the graphics are look AI
54:34generated and uh [ __ ] the it has
54:37facial animations and cutscenes now. Or
54:39well the cutscenes are longer and more
54:41annoying. That replaces the original
54:44game. You just end up with [ __ ] Now
54:46although this video is basically
54:48entirely negative, I would be lying if I
54:50didn't say I enjoyed the game at some
54:53points. The windows with your slingshot,
54:55okay?
54:57Ooh, hit. Stop that.
55:01Oh [ __ ] what the [ __ ]
55:03They try and kill you?
55:06Bro, that's [ __ ] up. Oh [ __ ] there's
55:08a small child causing ruckus. I better
55:10blow his ass up. It's required. We have
55:13to.
55:14It's mandatory to do it at least once.
55:17You can't play this game and not do
55:19this.
55:20[screaming]
55:24No.
55:25Help.
55:27Why are you doing this to me? I did
55:29nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong.
55:35Well, it's been done.
55:37Well, it's been done.
55:39Link, I'm going to kill this chicken.
55:40Ack.
55:41I didn't do nothing, dude.
55:44They're just they're [ __ ] profiling.
55:46The chicken's profiled me. That doesn't
55:48seem right. Let's play a song.
55:55Are you are you enjoying? I'm trying my
55:57best. I'm trying really hard.
56:00All right, that that's the best I can
56:01do. I keep hitting the B button.
56:02[laughter]
56:03Is this too rude sandstorm? I was
56:06trying.
56:08Sorting algorithm. Yeah, that's pretty
56:10pretty good. Pretty close, I think. Oh
56:11[ __ ] a hole. When I find hole in the
56:13ground, I jump to death.
56:17Down.
56:18Down. All right.
56:21Get Okay, never mind. That doesn't work
56:22either.
56:23No. Oh, get on. Get on, [ __ ]
56:27Get juked. All right, what's on this?
56:30Oh [ __ ] there's a shield. We did it.
56:32Yeah, uh keep laughing, [ __ ] Let me
56:34present my royal authorization. Eat
56:37this, [ __ ]
56:39I'll kill you. And I'll feel nothing.
56:41I'll feel nothing.
56:43In the name Princess Zelda, blah blah
56:45blah. This this this little guy can do
56:47whatever he wants, commit any crime he
56:49needs to. He's my little homie. Link
56:52looks like he's constantly pouting. He
56:54looks like his mom I mean, he looks like
56:56his mom drank a little too much while
56:58pregnant. Yeah, he looks like he got
56:59[ __ ] fetal alcohol syndrome. Why he
57:02why he got that? You got it the first
57:03time, don't you, Link? I got it.
57:09Look at how much better I was. I I did
57:11that way faster than her. I'm so much
57:12better at the song.
57:15>> I'm ready.
57:20>> Dude, I'm so much better at it than
57:21them. Dude, see how much better Look
57:23look, they're doing it all slow. Why are
57:25they doing that?
57:26Here we go.
57:28Why do you have that, sir?
57:30Where did you
57:31Does he put it on his like pinky finger?
57:34What's up with that?
57:35Is it for his weiner? Uh I white boy.
57:38You all right. You all right, white boy.
57:40Take my Take my
57:42ice. Take some ice, white boy. Get some
57:45swag on your [ __ ] ass.
57:47All right, I'm ready. I'm ready for some
57:49swag on my [ __ ] ass.
57:51Oh my god, I wonder where I'm going to
57:52use this. Where where could that
57:54possibly go?
57:59I'm a [ __ ] genius, dude. What do they
58:01mean by this?
58:03What do they mean by the big nosed
58:04fellow rubbing his hands? What did they
58:06mean by this?
58:08What could they possibly be implying?
58:10Keep throwing bombs in the pot? Okay.
58:16I'm going to [ __ ] it up a million times,
58:17but
58:20Die.
58:32Nice lie, chat. I really appreciate one
58:34bomb for one rupee. That was totally
58:36[ __ ] worth it. [ __ ] you.
58:38Damn it.
58:40No. Cheeked up on a Thursday
58:43afternoon, no less.
58:46I literally [ __ ] that up in the only
58:48way I could. There's only one way of
58:50taking damage there. Only one possible
58:52way to take damage there, and I found
58:54it. I found [laughter] the only way.
59:00It's a DSP speed run.
59:03Look at Look at their little [ __ ]
59:05butt.
59:06Why they do that?
59:07Why they have a little butt?
59:11Look at that.
59:12Cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon,
59:15dude. On a Thursday afternoon.
59:18>> That's what it was in the original. It's
59:19a little mirror thing. You hold it Now
59:21Now you have these gay-ass goggles. [ __ ]
59:24you.
59:24[ __ ] you. I know this is This is
59:26probably the most petty I'm getting, but
59:28still. [ __ ] you.
59:29Pussy-ass goggles.
59:30>> instead of a magnifying glass.
59:32>> Come up in my hood, cu. I I'm
59:36[ __ ] What What it Was it Sliming you?
59:38You're getting slimed. You hop in my
59:40crib. And he's like, hey, all three of
59:42us are black. And I'm like, Tony, what
59:43the [ __ ] are you talking about? And he's
59:45like, look,
59:46I'm the black people of people cuz I'm
59:47black.
59:48You're the black people white people cuz
59:50you're Italian. And Bricks is the black
59:52people of Asians cuz he's Filipino. And
59:55I'm like, holy [ __ ] Tony, you're a
59:58mother [ __ ] genius. I just would have
1:00:00enjoyed myself more if I was playing the
1:00:023DS remake. I guess my point in this
1:00:04video is I'm the best. You should only
1:00:07watch my videos cuz I'm super cool and I
1:00:10hate millennials because they suck.
1:00:12Unless you're my fan, in which case
1:00:14you're the coolest and I love Ocarina of
1:00:16Time. It's so much fun. Anyway, that's
1:00:18all I got. Bye. Now I want to start not
1:00:20by talking about A god damn Man, speak
1:00:22English, you [ __ ] re

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