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The Number One Reason This Generation Is Struggling: Scott Galloway | E190 — Transcript

by The Diary Of A CEO · 17,027 words · 2,370 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00if you could do something that would
0:01make you less depressed to be successful
0:04wouldn't you want to take that drug
0:05every day you got to tell me what it is
0:07so it is Scott Galloway he's a public
0:10speaker and author marketing professor
0:12at NYU is a business World rock star I'm
0:15not done yet the number of kids who see
0:17their friends every day has been cut in
0:19half in the last 10 years the knock on
0:22effect here is that we're producing too
0:24many of what is the most dangerous
0:25person in the world and that is a young
0:27brok and alone man
0:30they get this illusion that they have
0:31worth when they say angry misogynistic
0:33content on social media they become just
0:35really shitty citizens Andrew Tes a
0:37self-described misogynist if a woman is
0:40going out with a man she belongs to that
0:41man is Andrew Tate's message a symptom
0:44of what you've described 100% they're
0:46out of [ __ ] control how would we go
0:48about solving this problem
0:50so life gets very hard very fast 25 to
0:5445 and generally speaking these are the
0:57least happy years and then something
0:59wonderful happens you find joy in the
1:01mundane as you get older and you get
1:03happier so I think it's helpful just to
1:05know that when you say something stupid
1:06at a party when you say something unkind
1:08and you're just beating yourself up you
1:10need to forgive yourself and you need to
1:11realize what feels important in the
1:13moment isn't that important happiness
1:16waits for you what are you still working
1:18on I'm trying to slow time down time is
1:22falling off a cliff for me but how does
1:24one practically slow time down so that
1:2530 years doesn't fly past I find that
1:27you can slow time down by
1:30before this episode begins I just want
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1:55without further Ado I'm Steven Bartlett
1:57and this is the dire of a CEO I hope
2:00nobody's listening but if you are then
2:02please keep this to
2:05[Music]
2:10yourself
2:12Scott give me your context what is the
2:15necessary context that I'd have to
2:17understand about you and your earliest
2:19years to make sense of the person that
2:22you went on to be in your
2:24life wow that's a thoughtful question um
2:28raised by a single immigrant mother
2:29lived and died a
2:31secretary uh lot of my life you know I
2:33think the most important thing in
2:34anyone's life is to have someone who's
2:36rationally passionate about your
2:37wellbeing and I had that and the second
2:40thing is I was
2:41born
2:43in California in the 60s a white
2:45heterosexual male which was like hitting
2:47hitting a lottery uh I got access to
2:51amazing free education I went to UCLA
2:53and Berkeley for graduate and
2:55undergraduate degrees total tuition
2:57$77,000 and Not only was it accessible
3:00financially it was accessible period the
3:03admissions rate at UCLA when I applied
3:05was 76% it's now
3:076% and I mention my uh sexuality because
3:12my freshman roommate in college was born
3:15a white homosexual male and was dead of
3:17AIDS at the age of
3:1933 so you know a lot of My Success
3:22whether it was free education coming of
3:25age during the internet age which was
3:27incredible wind in your economic sales
3:29you know a lot of My Success is not my
3:31fault so the two things that I try and
3:34remember to Define my start and it was
3:37an amazing start were one uh you know
3:40someone who was irrationally passionate
3:41about my well-being and uh being born in
3:44America and just being exceptionally
3:46fortunate you mentioned your mother
3:48there what about your father my dad uh
3:50you know not a bad man he left us for
3:54lack of a better term when I was eight
3:56you know it was the 70s he started his
3:58third marriage while he was still
3:59married my mom uh neither my parents
4:02very sophisticated uh uh they were both
4:05pulled out of school at the age of 13 my
4:08dad was a handsome Scott living in La
4:11which means he not only thought with his
4:12dick he could listen to it and uh so he
4:16you know just really enjoyed himself for
4:20lack of a better term which didn't foot
4:22well to uh you know a family life uh so
4:26he wasn't very involved in my life
4:28growing up but I feel compelled to say
4:32now that he's
4:3392 every person's obligation from a
4:36species level is to be a better father
4:38or mother than their father or mother
4:40was to them and he was definitely that
4:42he was he grew up in terrible
4:45circumstances and he always tried to do
4:47the right thing but it was you know it
4:48was me and my mom was it happy childhood
4:51in your view it was entirely see you
4:53were talking a little bit about your
4:54childhood it was entirely unremarkable I
4:57feel like on a scale of 10 100 100 being
4:59the best childhood in the world one
5:01being the worst in America at least I
5:03was like a 50 it wasn't bad you know we
5:05didn't have any we didn't have we were
5:08upper lower middle class but it wasn't a
5:10Saab story in America in the 70s you
5:12could make you you could survive on a
5:15secretary salary we took vacations I
5:18didn't go to good schools but they were
5:19bad schools I had friends but not a lot
5:21of friends you know my high school
5:24reunion was recently no one would
5:26remember me my my childhood was
5:28remarkably unremarkable it wasn't bad
5:30it's not a sop story but it wasn't what
5:32I would call great with a lot of support
5:35and a lot of accouterments but again the
5:38context of it is being at the median in
5:43California in the 70s was like hitting
5:45the lottery it was the highest median in
5:47the world what was your relationship
5:49like with money cuz I I remember reading
5:51that that was um quite your relationship
5:53with money and your your family's
5:54relationship with money was quite
5:55formative uh money very early had a big
5:58impact on me because because you know
6:00people say oh at the time having a
6:03divorced mom felt like a little bit of a
6:06not a Scarlet Letter but you were the
6:08kid who lived with his mother but the
6:11thing that was harder was we didn't have
6:12any money I mean we weren't poor but you
6:17know you apply to college and if you
6:18didn't get into UCLA which I didn't get
6:19in there were no options we didn't have
6:21the confidence or the contacts or the
6:22money to apply for me to apply to
6:24college outside of school it was
6:26stressful and but it was also in some
6:29ways very motivating my mom got sick
6:32when I was a young adult and I me being
6:34the only child and some of those you
6:37know instincts that a son feels for his
6:39mother take over and when my mom got
6:42sick I decided all right I I I remember
6:45coming home one weekend she was very ill
6:48and I remember thinking kind of like I'm
6:51not doing my job as a man because I
6:52don't have the money to take care of her
6:54and that was really emasculating and
6:55that's when I kind of got my [ __ ]
6:57together I remember the moment it was
6:58when I was in graduate school I was 26
7:00and look I I decided very early and
7:02people I think people who have achieved
7:04some level of wealth aren't entirely
7:06forthcoming or honest I think about
7:08money a lot I was very focused on it um
7:11I decided very early that I was going to
7:12have Economic Security I did nothing but
7:15pretty much work for 20 years I don't
7:17remember much else but work it cost me
7:20my hair it cost me my first marriage and
7:21it was worth it is there a risk in that
7:24that when we become so orientated by
7:25money yep we I've said this I've had
7:28this conversation with if you guess
7:30about are we really driven or are we
7:31being
7:32dragged
7:34and and how do we make sure we're not
7:37being dragged so we can be intentional
7:40about living lives in line with our
7:41values yeah I'm not I'm not proposing
7:44this is what the world should be I'm
7:45proposing what it is in a capitalist
7:47society and that is I think America I
7:48just moved here so I don't know if
7:49society's different here I have noticed
7:51here that people ask you where you're
7:52from in America they ask you what you do
7:55but America becomes more like itself
7:56every day and that it is a it is a kind
7:59generous place if you have money it's a
8:01rapacious violent place if you don't
8:02have money and I figured that out very
8:06very soon the way I saw it was that poor
8:09people having an entirely different
8:11experience with us Health Care system
8:13than rich people um I just saw it as if
8:17I want to have a life of opportunity of
8:19prosperity selection set of mates even
8:22love to be to be wealthy in America is
8:24to be loved people find you interesting
8:27they want to know you you have a broader
8:29selection set of mates it is the
8:32idolatry of the dollar and the impact
8:34that wealth has on your life in America
8:36is unfortunate and 100% true and it gets
8:39more true every day and one of the
8:41things I coach young people around is
8:43you just have to figure out a way to
8:45become economically viable I'm not
8:47saying you need to do what I did and
8:49work all the time and be very kind of
8:51have a monocular focus on money which I
8:53did I think there's a lot of people who
8:55decide they're not going to live to work
8:57they're going to work to live and they
8:59move to a lower cost region they live
9:02within their means and they have really
9:03good lives I think that's a nice way to
9:05live your life the majority of young
9:07people I'm around by virtue of the fact
9:09I teach at a business school expect to
9:11not only be in the top 10% they expect
9:12to be in the top 1% economically and so
9:15what I encourage young people to do is
9:16have a sober conversation what do you
9:19where do you expect to be economically
9:21and the majority of young people you
9:22talk to expect to be in the top
9:261% and I don't know anyone who's gotten
9:28there who didn't inherent money who
9:30didn't sacrifice a lot you know what I
9:32tell young people is you can't have it
9:34all you just can't have it all at once
9:37and I think in this competitive
9:39environment to be great at
9:40anything uh you not only need talent you
9:43not only need luck you just need a
9:45tremendous amount of grit and a
9:47tremendous commitment there are some
9:49people who are so talented that they can
9:52have balance in their lives at a young
9:53age and get Economic Security I think
9:56you should assume you're not one of
9:57those people and assume that like most
10:00of us who have achieved some level of
10:01Economic Security it's required a
10:04significant tradeoff it came at a cost
10:07it came at a cost of
10:08relationships it came at a cost of
10:10stress I mean it takes a toll but the
10:13reason I have balance in my life right
10:14now I have a lot of balance in my life
10:16right now is because I didn't have very
10:17much when I was your age when I was
10:18young I mean you're an
10:20entrepreneur it's hard to phone it in as
10:22an entrepreneur it just requires a level
10:25of people think we're just so we're
10:27extraordinarily talented that we're just
10:29blessed with some special skill I would
10:31argue that you're you have more of a
10:33risk appetite you're willing to endure
10:35public failure because there's no
10:37blaming anyone else when your business
10:38you know crashes it's very public
10:41failure and also more than anything you
10:43have a natural instinct to be thinking
10:46about the business all the time and
10:49working at it most of the time that's
10:52you know there there's a relationship
10:54between intelligence and success but it
10:56tops out at about 110 120 IQ it's better
10:59to be smart you're more likely to be
11:01successful if you're smart but the
11:03difference between being smart and being
11:04genius has no correlation between
11:06success that's where grit and
11:08perseverance and resilience take
11:11over I want to continue that thread but
11:14on one of the things you said at the
11:15start of this conversation was about
11:16your mother's she got sick mhm I read
11:20that she you remember the day when you
11:21realized that she was depressed yep how
11:24did that shape your views on happiness
11:27and fulfillment and depression and how
11:29we how we ultimately end up in a
11:32situation where we're suffering with
11:33depression did did was that at all did
11:35that influence your view on happiness
11:37watching your mother be become depressed
11:40yeah my mom was sincerely depr severely
11:42depressed but I
11:43remember um and that's one of the
11:45wonderful things about our a liberal
11:47arts uh education I took psychology and
11:50they started talking about clinical
11:51depression what it meant and I realized
11:53that's what my mom was suffering from
11:55and depression is sort of the cancer of
11:57Our Generation and that is it used to be
11:58CLA posited now people are openly
12:00talking about it and it's really helpful
12:03because I wish I'd known what my mom was
12:04going through earlier because you
12:07immediately you know we're a
12:09narcissistic species you immedately
12:10think it's something you've done it's
12:11not about you usually it's about them
12:13and also life isn't about what happens
12:15to you it's about how you respond to
12:16what happens to you and I think it's
12:18very helpful when you recognize
12:20depression and understand it and
12:22recognizeing other people because what
12:23you then realize is that when you're
12:25feeling really down a lot of times it's
12:27not your fault you may have stantial
12:29reason to be depressed but you may not a
12:31lot of it is about your Chemistry that
12:32day and also to recognize that this twoo
12:35shall pass that nothing a a say that's
12:39been really important to me and it's one
12:40of the few says that's always kind of
12:41held its water for me is nothing is ever
12:43as good or as bad as it seems when you
12:45feel like you're killing it when you
12:46feel like you're in top of the world
12:47that's absolutely the time to bring in
12:49your horns and be humble and grateful
12:50and realize a lot of your success isn't
12:52your fault you just got lucky and at the
12:54same time when you're upset when you're
12:57angry at yourself when you're depressed
12:59when you feel like everything's just
13:00black it's not that's that's temporary
13:04and you it's comforting to know that
13:06that will pass understanding that what
13:09my mom was going through was external
13:11that it wasn't because things are so bad
13:12for us or so bad for her that this was a
13:15chemical thing this was like catching a
13:17cold that was really liberating and
13:19helpful not only to manage the situation
13:22in our household but to recognize when I
13:25was down and also to recognize that I
13:27was probably going to be more prone are
13:29vulnerable to that type of
13:30depression um but just being aware of
13:33these things you know you're a young man
13:35when I was a kid we didn't talk about
13:37depression we used to call it a nervous
13:39breakdown and it was a sign of weakness
13:41and it only happened to women right they
13:43were the weaker gender and they had
13:46something called a nervous breakdown
13:48that was what mental health that's what
13:50Depression was called back then and then
13:52slowly but surely people started to
13:54acknowledge that it was a thing that it
13:56was no different than any other type of
13:58illness that it was treatable and that
14:01it wasn't a sign of Shame so it was
14:04really helpful for me it was it was uh
14:07um you know liberating to kind of
14:10understand it and realize that it wasn't
14:12totally a function of our situation or
14:14an indication of how good or bad things
14:16were at the time one of the things you
14:18talk about in your new book a drift um
14:21is this decay of community in our lives
14:24yeah and Community seems like such a
14:26human thing yeah so I I when I read that
14:29I thought maybe that's in part part of
14:32the part of the cause or factor of why
14:35we're seeing a lot of um unhappiness
14:37depression and these things what's your
14:39what's your take on that 100% um do you
14:42have dogs I you have kids I do have have
14:44a dog upstairs so look dogs just want to
14:46be around other beings and mammals are a
14:49social we're very social we you know
14:51from a young age we suckle we're we just
14:54want to my dogs lie on top of each other
14:56I mean we're meant to be around each
14:59other and whether it's in the US
15:03enrollment and Boy and Girl Scouts is
15:05off by like 40% Church attendance is way
15:07down the the percentage of people who
15:09speak to their neighbors is off like 40%
15:12if you just think about covid we don't
15:14go to the mall we don't go to the movie
15:15theaters right we're becoming more and
15:17more segregated by income class the
15:20number of kids who see their friends
15:22every day has been cut in half in the
15:24last 10 years so we're just not touching
15:27smelling and feeling each other nearly
15:29as much and I think that's directly
15:31correlated to happiness my youngest
15:33really struggled with covid and we
15:35always said well it's because he's not
15:37in school because the schools were
15:38closed for a while and I thought more
15:40than school what my kid needs is other
15:43kids and that is you know the you need
15:48guard rails you need people around you I
15:51think of those Japanese soldiers who
15:54retreated into the hills of the
15:55Philippines with orders to not give up
15:57the island you know when the Japanese
15:59rried from the Philippine islands in the
16:01South Pacific they left behind some of
16:05these uh
16:06soldiers some of them were there for 20
16:08or 30 years and they refused to give up
16:11their commission until they would have
16:12to find the the commanding officer take
16:14them to the island and tell them come
16:17down the war's been over for 25 years
16:20these individuals accomplish nothing
16:22they didn't grow spiritually phys
16:24physically they didn't learn anything
16:26they had nothing to share with anyone
16:28after their 25 years years so being
16:30alone is one of the worst things on an
16:33extended basis that can happen to a
16:34human and every day one of the worst
16:37things that can happen to a human is
16:38happening more and more to all of us in
16:40Western society and it's especially
16:43prevalent among kids the lack of
16:45socialization and then this kind of
16:47hyper socialization that takes place on
16:49their phone which is really brutal and
16:52has huge
16:53externalities is I think one of the
16:55biggest uh causes for the massive uptick
16:57and depression among young people
16:59so again I like to coach younger people
17:02and might put yourself in a position
17:05where you have to be around other people
17:07every day building something in the
17:09agency of something else whether it's a
17:11job whether it's a
17:13nonprofit whether it's Church whether
17:15it's a sports League be in the agency of
17:18others building something bigger than
17:20all of you and it's a great way to make
17:22friends mentors it's a great way to
17:24learn how to read the room I joined a
17:26fraternity when I went to UCLA when I
17:27was 17 and people make a cartoon of
17:29fraternity like we're all these terrible
17:31people it was the best thing I could
17:33have done I had no male role models
17:35until the age of 17 my dad wasn't around
17:38I didn't have many friends so being in a
17:40place that shrunk a 30,000 person campus
17:43down to a smaller thing I wouldn't have
17:46graduated and it was hard for me these
17:48my quote unquote forat brothers gave me
17:50a hard time but it was really good for
17:51me you know you you you you get in
17:55better shape I I remember I remember my
17:57roommates telling me to stop smoking so
18:00much pot and go to class more I mean you
18:02have people watching you 24 by7 I needed
18:06that socialization uh so I think one of
18:08the worst things that can happen to a
18:10young adult is for them to be isolated
18:12and we're increasingly isolated are you
18:14optimistic about that that changing
18:16because the direction of travel is in
18:17one is in One Direction and then when
18:18you hear things about
18:20metaverses I'm not I think we have this
18:22nihilistic I think technology is
18:24nihilistic I think the most successful
18:26person in the world at least monetarily
18:28want wants to figure out a way to
18:30inhabit another planet rather than Focus
18:32his genius and his resources on making
18:34this planet more habitable and I find
18:37that nihilistic and uh people I I just
18:40find it strange that the most talented
18:42wealthiest people in the world want to
18:43get us off the planet so and then you
18:45think about social media just the trends
18:47among young people there's an uptick and
18:50travel but that's pent up Demand by uh a
18:52class of people who have the money to
18:54travel our socialization appears to have
18:57taken a dramatic step change structural
18:59step change down and I even see to my
19:02kids they are thinking about getting
19:04home to their phones and they're social
19:06on their phones but it's not a
19:08replacement for for personto person
19:11contact um you know there's some good
19:13things to it uh teen drunk driving
19:16accidents are down teen pregnancy is way
19:18down but the number of kids socializing
19:22is way off I find it I think it's a I
19:24think it's a terrible thing and I don't
19:26see there'll be some uptick because CO's
19:30over but it feels like there's been a
19:31structural step change down because
19:33people now want the dopa they get
19:35trading on Robin Hood watching porn
19:38watching
19:39Netflix uh getting some sort of
19:41socialization or need for affirmation by
19:43the number of likes they get on Twitter
19:45rather than leaving their house to get
19:46that same type of dopa hit the number of
19:49people playing in organized Sports is
19:51way down so I'm not I think it's I think
19:54it's a real problem and I don't see it
19:57unless there's EX unless there's
19:59recognition of it an external investment
20:01whether it's youth clubs whether it's
20:03after school programs whether it's some
20:05sort of conscription or national service
20:08which I'm a big fan of I don't see
20:10structured means for people young people
20:13to serve in the agency of something
20:14bigger than themselves do you think
20:16there's a decline decline in grit
20:18amongst young people that this genz
20:20generation in the in the Western World
20:21when you think about your kids and the
20:23and the grit they'll have you talked
20:24about how important grit is to to
20:26achieving economic viability um I was
20:30talking to Simon cnic about this a
20:31couple of weeks ago on this podcast
20:32about whether genz are less res
20:35resilient and hardworking than
20:37Generations that have come before them
20:39because of the influences I remember I
20:41opened up Tik Tok the other day and it's
20:42like it's showing I don't know whether
20:44this was just the Tik Tok I saw I
20:46remember one going viral on Twitter a
20:47couple of weeks ago from San Francisco
20:49showing the day in the the life of um a
20:52jenzi working in in Tech and it's like
20:54wake up go get the frapper Cher latte
20:56whatever take the dog for a while
20:59pottery
21:02class 5 minutes on the laptop pottery
21:05class yeah yoga um I worry about this a
21:10lot with my kids because generally
21:12speaking what happens is the
21:14children of I I would say if I had what
21:18my kids have I wouldn't have what I have
21:22because I wasn't that motivated if I'd
21:24grown up in the household I'm grow my
21:26kids are growing up now the only two
21:28things I know I would have had in my
21:29life as a young man or a Range Rover in
21:31a cocaine habit I just wasn't an absence
21:34of money really motivated me and my kids
21:37don't have that my kids have access to
21:39everything they need and so trying to
21:41figure out a way to instill Grid in your
21:43kids whether it's chores or some level
21:46of discipline I it's my I think it's my
21:48biggest challenge as or our biggest
21:50challenge as parents uh um but in terms
21:53of the I work with and granted it's
21:56selection B I work the kids I work with
21:58I can't get over how extraordinarily
21:59talented they are um so the meme of
22:03quiet quitting and again it may be
22:06proximity bias because of the kids I
22:08draw or I I know in my firm but I find
22:12that every year and I teach between
22:14three and 500 kids a year in NYU every
22:17year I find that the kids the young
22:18adults are more talented and harder
22:20working and more socially conscious sure
22:22they're a little expectant some of it I
22:24roll my eyes you know occasionally I'll
22:27say someone say you know I I need to
22:29leave and go to to pilates class and I
22:31kind of laugh like I can't even imagine
22:33saying that to my boss uh when I started
22:35out but in general I find they're just
22:39remarkable um and again it might be
22:41because the kids I've been able to
22:43attract but I don't buy this notion that
22:45they're somehow entitled I don't I
22:47haven't seen
22:48that when you when you're teaching these
22:50young people about and preparing them
22:52mentally and with skills for the the
22:54world that's to come MH what is a key
22:56indicator that that young person become
22:58a successful adult professional
23:01entrepreneur business owner yeah I can't
23:04speak to entrepreneur we're very data
23:07driven so I ran I started ran a company
23:09called L2 which was a business
23:10intelligence firm we grew it to about
23:11120 people and we sold it and we we were
23:15very data driven and we used to you know
23:18evaluate everybody every year and then
23:19we would try and look for um
23:21correlations and while it's dangerous to
23:23do and no one wrote it down the
23:24correlations we found that were the best
23:26predictors of success at our firm were
23:28few things one they went to a grade
23:29school which you don't like to say but
23:33most of our kids who are really really
23:35strong had gone to what you would
23:36consider Elite
23:37universities uh two they were athletes
23:41we found that um a background in sports
23:43especially individual sports where it
23:45was gymnastics or
23:46diving uh that these people just brought
23:48a certain level of discipline and grit
23:51that some of the others didn't have and
23:53the third is female uh they because we
23:56had such a young firm uh a
23:58disproportionate amount of our really
24:00successful people were women and there's
24:02a lot of studies showing now that women
24:05just mature at an earlier age the net of
24:07it for us was and you were scared to
24:09write it down and I've sold the firm so
24:10I can say it now if a woman from the El
24:13gymnastics team showed up it was an
24:14automatic higher and I don't think
24:17that's anything unusual the uh that
24:20groundbreaking
24:22the you know I graduate from UCLA with a
24:242.27 GPA I don't know if you have grades
24:26the value but basically I barely
24:28graduated and I got a job at Morgan
24:30Stanley right out of UCLA which was
24:32considered a pretty prestigious firm and
24:34it's because the guy who ran the
24:35department had rode crew and I was an
24:38orsman at UCLA and he said anyone who
24:39Rose crew gets an automatic hire because
24:41you're willing to kill yourself you can
24:42push yourself harder than anyone uh so a
24:46lot of these firms recognize that sports
24:49are a forward looking indicator but some
24:51of the other indicators you can't
24:53control you know getting into an elite
24:55University now is a function of being
24:57the the son or of someone rich or being
24:59freakishly remarkable kind of two
25:02cohorts and then obviously you can't
25:04control your sex but I have several
25:07women in their early 20s working for me
25:09who could be the junior Senator could be
25:11the next ambassador to France and you
25:13know a lot of the young men have a lot
25:15of potential but you can just see they
25:16just don't mature as
25:18fast NYU what else are you teaching
25:21these kids I call them kids that my age
25:23but yeah I I well I mean it's mostly
25:26principles of brand strategy and digital
25:28Market marketing but I have a course uh
25:29I have a session the the most popular
25:31session is on I call the algebra of
25:32happiness and I just go through sort of
25:34basic best practices for success and
25:37we've talked about some of them
25:38realizing balance I think is a myth I
25:41think the most important decision you'll
25:42make in your 20s and 30s you know I
25:45survey the class what's the most
25:48important decision you'll make and they
25:49usually say the industry you'll go into
25:51where you decide to live the most
25:53important decision you'll make is who
25:55you decide to partner with specifically
25:57have kids because you're in that
25:59person's life for 20 years and I have a
26:01lot of friends who are successful in
26:02most exterior metrics but don't have a
26:04real partner in their spouse and they
26:07have what I would call a life full of
26:10stress and disappointment on a regular
26:11basis whereas I have friends who on an
26:13external basis may not look as
26:14successful but they have a real partner
26:17and everything just burns brighter for
26:18them so the most important decision
26:20you'll make is is who you're fortunate
26:24or not fortunate enough to partner with
26:26and so what I suggest is that be as
26:28aggressive as possible about creating as
26:31many opportunities for Serendipity and
26:33contact with people that your your
26:36ability to punch above your weight class
26:38and find someone of Great Character that
26:40you're attracted to that you fit with is
26:44a function of liquidity and that is
26:46always accept invitations to dinner
26:48parties uh I think young men should be
26:50more aggressive I think young men have
26:52been told in this environment that they
26:54should uh be very careful about who they
26:56approach and express interest in and I
26:58think there is a huge difference between
27:00expressing interest in a thoughtful way
27:01and harassing someone and if you don't
27:03know the difference you've got much
27:04bigger problems but I encourage young
27:06men to as uh general cogni or behavioral
27:10therapy to force themselves when they're
27:11in a line of coffee to talk to some the
27:13guy or gal in front of them and behind
27:15them because if you're interested in
27:17someone there's nothing wrong with
27:18asking them out to Coffee there's
27:20nothing wrong with expressing
27:22interest and I see a lot of young men
27:24are not creating that types of
27:26opportunities to meet people and
27:29eventually find good friends find good
27:30mentors and most importantly find a good
27:32mate and so unfortunately marriage and
27:35relationships are becoming another
27:37luxury item marriage and pairing off
27:40with a mate is plummeting among people
27:43it's it's um correlated to your wealth
27:46because middle inome and poor people
27:48especially men are no longer are because
27:51of online dating are no longer seen as
27:53viable mates and they also don't have as
27:55many opportunities to meet people in
27:57person where things like smell and Vibe
27:59and humor that are some of the magic and
28:02mystery of why we're attracted to each
28:03other but um what I tell them is create
28:06as many opportunities as possible to
28:08establish
28:09relationships uh so it's give up balance
28:13but if and when you can invest all of
28:15your remaining energy and having as many
28:18uh you know random contacts with people
28:21as possible and also be aggressive talk
28:24to people introduce yourself if you're
28:26interested in someone if you want to
28:27establish of friendship if you're
28:28interested in someone romantically
28:30Express that interest if if they're not
28:32interested in you both of you are going
28:34to be fine you can handle the rejection
28:36or the small rejection they can handle
28:38someone expressing interest and I think
28:41in our age we've uh in a weird way uh
28:44implicitly told young people especially
28:47men they're not supposed to express that
28:48interest what do you make of dating
28:51apps well I think my advice to young
28:54people would be to do it all you know
28:56it's how people meet it used to be how
28:59people made it if you will is that it
29:02used to be a third work a third friends
29:04and a third school now it's well above
29:0650% online so the majority relationships
29:09are beginning online for people your age
29:12and it's very efficient but what happens
29:14when technology comes into any sector is
29:16it consolidates it it becomes the winner
29:17take most market so whether
29:21it's e-commerce social media search
29:24engines once technology comes into it
29:26you have one company that owns 50 % of
29:28all online retail 2third of all social
29:31and 93% of search so technology has come
29:34to mating with dating
29:36apps and it's created a win or take all
29:39or win or take most dynamic which is
29:42somewhat unhealthy and it it plays out
29:44like something like this women are
29:46interested in men based on three
29:48criteria the first is their ability to
29:49Signal resources the second is
29:52intelligence and the third is kindness
29:53it doesn't matter how rich or how smart
29:55you are if you're an [ __ ] or you're
29:57not kind people eventually don't want
30:00you as a mate and unfortunately online
30:03it's very difficult to Signal two and
30:05three so you can signal one and when
30:08everyone has access to everyone women
30:10who have a much finer filter for mating
30:13because the downside of sex is so much
30:14greater for them if they get pregnant so
30:17they have much finer filter they end up
30:19all being drawn or expressing interest
30:21to a much smaller group of individuals
30:23so what the dynamic is you have 1550 men
30:25on Tinder 15 women on Tinder 46 of the
30:28women will Express all of their interest
30:30to just four men which leaves 46 men
30:33buying for the attention of just four
30:34women so if you apply the genie
30:37coefficient to online
30:39dating it's got the same Genie
30:41coefficient as income inequality in
30:42Venezuela so mating inequality is
30:45greater than income inequality in
30:46Venezuela and what it leads to is what I
30:48call Porsche polygamy and that is the
30:50men who are able who are the top 10% in
30:53terms of attractiveness online get 90%
30:56of the interest so so that does not lead
30:59to good behavior or establishing
31:01long-term relationships kind of 50 to 90
31:03percentile do okay but the bottom half
31:06of attractiveness of men based on online
31:10attractiveness are totally shut out of
31:12the market and as a result in America
31:14one in three males under the age of 30
31:17has not had sex in the last 12
31:19months and I find people hear the term
31:22sex and their mind goes different places
31:24I think of it as the key step to an
31:26elemental Foundation of any society and
31:28that is relationship so in the US what's
31:31happened with online dating is it's
31:34amazing for the top 10% of
31:36attractiveness of men it's okay for the
31:38top half it is a disaster for the bottom
31:42half and when I say attractiveness I
31:43mean by very crude metrics so if you're
31:46Tinder profile I went to MIT I just
31:49started a KKR and my Rolex accidentally
31:52is visible in my profile picture and I'm
31:55geolocated living in Manhattan or living
31:58in uh Beverly Hills you're going to get
32:01a massive amount of attention the bottom
32:04half we not able to express anything
32:06other than wealth which they may not
32:08have are totally shut out on the market
32:11and the knock on effect here is that
32:14we're producing too many of what is the
32:15most dangerous person in the world and
32:17that is a young broken alone man uh so
32:20the guy who attacks Salon Rashi uh
32:23recently in the US that wasn't about the
32:24fatwa that was about a young man living
32:26in his mother's basement
32:28when you hear about Mass Shooters in the
32:29US you know who they are before you know
32:32who they are so we are producing uh an
32:36enormous cohort of economically and
32:39emotionally nonviable men and I think
32:43it's bad for society I think it creates
32:44an existential risk for us I think women
32:48as a result don't have as many find
32:51there just aren't as many economically
32:52or emot or emotionally viable men as
32:54they would like women are graduating at
32:56Double the rates of college as men now
32:58for every one male graduate the next 5
33:00years of college there's going to be two
33:01women and you think well okay it's time
33:04women it's time women leveled up they're
33:08finally getting their due okay but the
33:12this has just realized it has huge
33:14societal impacts because women made
33:16socioeconomically horizontally and up
33:18men horizontally and down in some women
33:21with college degrees typically aren't
33:22interested in men without college
33:24degrees so we're seeing less household
33:26formation lower birth rates and these
33:28things usually stunt an
33:30economy uh so I think it's a big issue
33:33uh and again I think it comes down to
33:35providing more young more opportunity
33:36for young people in general I think if
33:38you had sort of gender specific
33:40affirmative action towards men it would
33:42just become so politicized and heed that
33:44it wouldn't be worth it I think you need
33:46a massive leveling up of all young
33:48people that I think will
33:49disproportionately help young men how do
33:51we get those bottom 50% of young men
33:55laid I think you need to make them first
33:57and foremost more economically
33:59viable um I think more job
34:02opportunities I think it builds
34:04confidence I think you need to get them
34:05out of the house I think it's vocational
34:07programs I think it's opportunities to
34:09go to college or get some sort of
34:11certification I think it's things as
34:13basic as social service or more
34:15opportunities for them to get together
34:17Community yeah and I think it's a
34:18certain amount of Education that uh
34:21Embrace some of the things that are
34:23wonderful be about being a man being
34:25aggressive is fine be physically fit and
34:28strong uh I think we're blessed with uh
34:31and this is true of men and women I'm a
34:33big fan I believe the afford looking
34:35indicator of your success is the amount
34:37of time you spend sweating versus
34:38watching other people sweat any person
34:41under the age of 30 man or woman should
34:43be able to walk into any room and think
34:44of [ __ ] God real I could kill and eat
34:46everybody or outrun them one or the
34:48other and it's not about being ripped
34:50it's not about being skinny it's about
34:52being a stronger version of yourself
34:53you'll be happier less prone to
34:55Depression more attractive to other
34:57mates you'll be
34:58kinder um because you feel more
35:00confident so I think ex real phys
35:02embracing physical fitness young people
35:04have one thing that's terrible about
35:05young people as they've gotten
35:06unhealthier consistently the last 50
35:09years um I think social service and I
35:12think figuring out institutions and
35:13means whether it's school or social
35:15service so they can meet each other
35:17develop friendships fall in love have
35:19more
35:20opportunities um to have not only make
35:23relationships but have guard rails young
35:24men need guard rails they need a
35:26girlfriend a job to tell them no you
35:29need to put on a shirt and get to work
35:31no you can't get high and drunk every
35:33night no if you want to continue to have
35:35sex with me you need to get your [ __ ]
35:36together I think that's really important
35:38for a young man especially young men and
35:41young women need it as well but just not
35:43as much so I think what you have is a
35:44generation of young men that have no
35:46motivation no guardrails they get their
35:48dopa hit of Addiction on Robin Hood they
35:51don't have the Mojo to get out there and
35:53meet women as much because they're
35:54watching so much porn they get they get
35:57this illusion that they have some sort
35:59of Worth or affirmation when they say
36:01angry things on social media that they
36:02get rewarded for they become they start
36:05blaming other people specifically they
36:07start blaming women and they become much
36:09more prone to misogynistic content they
36:11start believing in conspiracy theory
36:13they're less likely to believe in
36:14climate change and some they become just
36:15really shitty citizens and we're
36:18producing just a massive amount of these
36:20individuals and the scary part is we'll
36:23just ignore the weirdo and put them in
36:25the corner the problem is the government
36:27does ignore them because we're very
36:29misogynistic when it comes to our
36:31elected leaders in the US we've been
36:33producing more female college graduates
36:35than male college graduates for the last
36:3640 years but still only 28% of our
36:39elected representatives are female
36:42people societies men and women conflate
36:44leadership quality with height and depth
36:46of voice so we will always at least in
36:48the US for a long time elect more men
36:51and who do these men appeal to how do
36:53they get elected they appeal to this
36:55cohort of conspiracy driven misogynistic
36:59anti-government men young men these
37:01young men will always have over
37:04representation in government which leads
37:06to elected leaders saying that they
37:08believe the elections are rigged that
37:10that Stoke nationalist fears that blame
37:13immigrants I mean really really hateful
37:16stuff and so not only are these
37:18individuals uh dangerous and
37:20unproductive but what's even more
37:22unproductive is they will have a
37:23disproportionate voice in our politics
37:25because the easiest way to get elected
37:27is to tap into the tribal instincts or
37:31motives of this of this cohort you said
37:34misogynistic content there and um one of
37:37the things that came to mind when you
37:38said that was Andy Tate yeah are you
37:41familiar with yeah this person yeah is
37:43Andrew Tate's message a symptom of um
37:46what you've described
37:49100% you know we live look it's easy to
37:53credit your grit and your character for
37:54your successes and blame the markets for
37:56your failure years and so when you have
37:58a young man who is failing he's looking
38:02for culprits and then you have someone
38:04come along and say it's not your
38:05fault and and they start saying that the
38:08reason you can't find a date it's
38:10women's fault it's their fault it's not
38:12yours it's not that you haven't
38:14developed the skills or demonstrated the
38:17discipline to develop the attributes
38:19that others find attractive it's their
38:21fault and I think it's very um dangerous
38:25and most of it's a Griff the individual
38:27you represented claims it's not your
38:29fault and but by my
38:314995 you know learn how to be successful
38:33program it really is a grift um and
38:37people you know Trump is sort of a a
38:39version of that right I mean if you
38:41think about what's happening in America
38:43the Democratic party is basically
38:45becoming the party of educated women and
38:47the Republican party is becoming the
38:48party of uneducated men so yeah I think
38:52uh I think that those types of
38:54individuals are perfect examples of
38:56trapping of kind of falling into this
38:59really
39:00ugly you know uh blame others kind of uh
39:05uh gestal in our society I think it's
39:08very unfortunate I think we also on the
39:10I I have no idea what your politics are
39:11Steve I consider myself a progressive I
39:13think progressives have to take back
39:15masculinity and that is we have to
39:17Define what masculinity means and show a
39:19vision why are all the dudes these
39:23conservatives so I mean I'll give you an
39:26example I'm profane and vulgar person
39:29and on the left they immediately
39:30complain conflate I've cursed several
39:33times on this show I talk about sex very
39:35openly and very
39:36crudely that doesn't mean I'm not that
39:39doesn't mean I'm not a feminist doesn't
39:41mean I don't have Progressive values so
39:42I think the left needs to take back
39:44profanity and vulgarity and I think we
39:45need to take back
39:46masculinity I I see masculinity as a
39:49man-made societal construct but to we
39:52need to identify it and then ask young
39:54men to foot to those skills and I see it
39:56as very basic in a very basic way
39:59acquiring the skills and strength so you
40:01can advocate for and protect others
40:03whether it's physical strength mental
40:05strength Financial strength kindness
40:07intelligence and I think saying okay
40:11it's great to be a man express your
40:13masculinity and by the way masculinity
40:14isn't just a domain of people who are
40:16born men women can demonstrate masculine
40:18features just as men can Dem demonstrate
40:20feminine features but I think the left
40:22are progressives need to take back this
40:24notion of masculinity and we've sorted
40:26we've sort of emasculated on the left
40:29men because to be pran to even
40:31acknowledge masculinity is somehow to be
40:34anti-female on the left and that's not
40:37true at all you know who wants more men
40:39women or that's what I find so I think
40:43that uh key to restoring balance if you
40:45will and not having our party split
40:47across gender lines and pull this
40:50generation of failing young men out of
40:52this hole is to redefine masculinity as
40:55something more evolved more thoughtful
40:57than involves intelligence that involves
40:59kindness that involves strength but also
41:01on the left to say it's okay to be a man
41:04we can acknowledge our differences it's
41:06okay to be aggressive you know when when
41:09Russians pour over the Border in Ukraine
41:11you want some of that big dick energy
41:14you know
41:15it's there's some features of of
41:18distinct to uh uh uh men that is really
41:22important in our society and should be
41:24celebrated and all of it has been in my
41:26opinion not all of it a lot of it has
41:27been on the left conflated with toxicity
41:30and there's some of those attributes
41:32that can lead to terrible Behavior but
41:34most of it is a good thing in our
41:35society most of it is needed quick one
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43:09there was a big smile on the front of
43:11your book yeah part of the reason why
43:13you put that what looks like a smiley
43:15face on it is because because of this
43:17Arc of happiness that you describe yeah
43:19that was quite surprising to me what
43:20what do you mean by an arc of Happiness
43:22well across across almost every culture
43:25the correlation between age and
43:27happiness is a smile so zero to kind of
43:3025 is beer Star Wars you know making out
43:35PR college football or you know Premier
43:39League football 0 to 25 is usually
43:40pretty happy 25 to 45 is what I call the
43:44[ __ ] gets real years you realize that
43:47distinct what your parents your uni told
43:49you you're not going to have a fragrance
43:50named after you or be a member of
43:51parliament you have kids you have
43:53economic stress someone you love a great
43:56deal gets sick and dies your parents
43:59right life gets very hard very fast 25
44:03to 45 and generally speaking these are
44:06the least happy years and then something
44:09wonderful happens usually in your late
44:1040s or early 50s and that is you start
44:13recognizing the finite nature of Life
44:15maybe you have some economic security
44:17maybe you've established relationships
44:18maybe you have these really wonderful
44:21things that are less awful that look
44:22smell and feel like you called kids you
44:25realize that life is you start finding
44:27appreciate I don't know if you remember
44:29this Steve do you remember going out
44:30with your parents and your mom and your
44:31mom would like a salad would come and
44:33she'd stop the table and say look at how
44:35beautiful the salad is yeah or just
44:37admire the flowers and you think you
44:39used to think as a kid like what the
44:40[ __ ] like and when you realize it's so
44:43weird when you turn into your I stopped
44:46outside my house uh there's a garden and
44:49I just couldn't stop marveling at the
44:51Garden the garden's here I've never seen
44:54anything like it we have this Garden
44:56across is in the park and I'm like who
44:58are the Gnomes that come out at night
45:00and manicure this thing so perfectly and
45:02I'm not into botney or horiculture and I
45:05can't stop marveling I wouldn't have
45:07done that in my 27y old self but I do it
45:10in my 57 I find you find joy in new
45:13things you find joy in the mundane as
45:16you get older and you get happier and
45:18the happiest generation the happiest age
45:20cohort is the cohort that should be the
45:22least happy because they're not healthy
45:24is old people so what the learning here
45:28is that if you wake up at 35 and you
45:30have a couple kids and you have a spouse
45:32or you have a job you know and you think
45:34[ __ ] this is hard I'm not that
45:37happy recognize that's part of the
45:39journey and just keep on keeping on you
45:41know happiness Waits For You in most
45:44instances uh so happiness is absolutely
45:47a smile and so I think it's helpful just
45:50to know that that as you move into your
45:52income earning years as you move into
45:54your mating and child rearing years and
45:56the depth of work and your parents start
45:59aging it's stressful and it's hard and
46:02if you're unhappy or feel unhappy at
46:05times that is normal that's part of the
46:07journey and for me it's it was helpful
46:09to read that because I'm looking forward
46:12to all the happiness that's kind of
46:13coming my way and I can feel it as you
46:15get older you just start finding joy in
46:17weird places when was the the pit of
46:20your Ark in your life when was when were
46:23your hardest years as it relates to
46:25happiness um
46:27well losing my mom was tough for me um
46:31but I think the the the pit for me
46:34you're an entrepreneur the highs are
46:36really high and the lows are really low
46:38the closest I can equate it to
46:40is is having a business like having a
46:43kid you conceive the thing it looks
46:44smells and feels like you and when it
46:47does well it's just like when your kid
46:50scores a goal or is doing great or seems
46:52happy there's just no joy like that when
46:54something come you have your world to
46:56work you have your of friends and you
46:57have kids you don't have kids yet have
46:58St you'll find this out when something
47:00goes wrong with one of your kids the
47:02whole universe shrinks to what is wrong
47:04with your kid I mean nothing else
47:05matters and you just can't sleep you're
47:08stressed you're upset you feel failure
47:10on a cosmic level because this Instinct
47:12that pours over us is if your kid is
47:14failing you have failed on a more Cosmic
47:16level because you haven't been able to
47:18protect that kid it's the same way with
47:20a business so when your business fails
47:24you just it's impossible to remove your
47:26yourself from that failure my lowest
47:29moment probably professionally was in
47:31the great financial recession of
47:342008 in 99 I was a young man and was
47:37Wealthy on paper I'd started several
47:39e-commerce companies I didn't realize
47:40most of it was not my fault that it was
47:42the market and by the end of 2000 I was
47:45broke I lost everything through the
47:47dotom crash cloged my way back to some
47:49level of Economic Security in 2007
47:52smacked again in 2008 lost almost
47:55everything and then my my young son or
47:57my oldest had the poor judgment to come
47:59marching out of my girlfriend so I was
48:02broke and I had a son a newborn and a
48:05combination of the disappointment
48:07professionally where I was now 40 years
48:09old and wasn't economically where I
48:10thought it would be was really upsetting
48:13and and disappointing and then the
48:16stress when you're a dude with no spouse
48:20or kids you can kind of dance Between
48:22The Raindrops if you need to you can
48:24sleep on a couch I was knew I can make a
48:25living I could support myself myself but
48:27living in New York uh having uh what
48:30felt like economic failure business
48:32failure and a kid and it's like okay my
48:35failures are now this kid's failures
48:38that was really stressful uh it was also
48:41very motivating you know IID made some
48:44money so I had made enough money to live
48:47kind of a a kind of a a fake wealthy
48:51life I had nice clothes a nice apartment
48:53I could go to St Barts I had just enough
48:56money to give the illusion of success
48:58but there's no faking it when you have
49:00kids this person is dependent upon you I
49:02was living in New York it's impossible
49:04not to make a good living in New York
49:05with kids um and so that was wildly
49:10stressful it was like okay this is no
49:12longer about me when I fail economically
49:15I'm failing as a species I'm failing as
49:17a dad uh that was a rough time 2008 2009
49:21was rough but it was also very
49:23motivating cuz I got very serious and
49:25started working very hard and again I
49:28didn't see my kids we had another kid
49:30two and a half years later I didn't see
49:32much of my kids until the age of five I
49:34I you know I try and get home for bath
49:35time but I was very focused on getting
49:39my household back on economic firm
49:41footing again but that was very
49:43stressful that's your biggest sort of
49:45professional failure what about your
49:47biggest personal pit
49:50pit um and what did it teach you oh I
49:53don't know I I I think are both your
49:56parents still alive
49:58yeah okay so one of them will get sick
50:00and die and that is the heart the two
50:04things I found that kind of turn you
50:06into an adult are when you lose one of
50:09your parents it's just the harshness of
50:11it is so Unthinkable as a species we
50:15have an inability to wrap our head
50:17around death for good reason otherwise
50:19we'd all just be freaked out and not
50:20willing to take risk and not hunt
50:22animals for fear they might kill us not
50:24take risk never go outside so we
50:27purposely can't understand it we can't
50:29imagine it you can't imagine that this
50:31person's going to be gone and it is over
50:34that is devastating and it it also just
50:37brings this harshness of life like
50:40really present in front of you but at
50:43the same time it creates tremendous
50:46perspective that wow the mortality
50:49rate's 100% my kids are going to have
50:51the same tragedy when I die and I think
50:54it I think it can liberate you and
50:56realize that said okay if I feel
50:58embarrassed if I feel scared about risks
51:01if I'm beating myself up over a mistake
51:03I made you know what it really doesn't
51:05matter that much you should be kinder to
51:07yourself you should be more forgiving
51:09there's great work by my colleague at
51:10NYU Adam alter on paliative carry where
51:13he surveys people who are weeks from the
51:16end and they have a lot of regrets they
51:18they wish they'd live the life they want
51:20to live whether it was being more open
51:22about their sexuality being who they
51:24wanted to be with going to the career
51:26they wanted to go with they were living
51:27their lives for other people is a huge
51:29regret or Society they wish they'd
51:31stayed in better contact with friends
51:34but more than anything their number one
51:35regret is they wish they'd been less
51:37harsh on themselves and that is again
51:40life isn't about what happens to you
51:42it's how you respond to what happens to
51:44you and when someone dies and you
51:46realize the finite nature of life and
51:48that we all have the same end coming I
51:49think it's liberating because what you
51:50realiz is when you say something stupid
51:52in a board meeting even when you have a
51:53business fail when you pick a stock and
51:55it gets cut half in two weeks and you're
51:58just hating on yourself when you say
52:00something stupid at a party when you say
52:02something unkind unwittingly and you're
52:05just like Jesus what was I think and
52:07you're just beating yourself up realize
52:10it's the person you're worried about
52:12what they think of you your situation
52:16it's going to go really fast and it's
52:18going to be over and all you're going to
52:20have is the people that miss you so you
52:22don't you need to forgive yourself and
52:24you need to
52:25realize what feels important in the
52:27moment isn't that important and I found
52:30it very liberating I was devastated
52:33losing a parent and was really my only
52:35parent but at the same time it just gave
52:37me a lot of perspective and then I think
52:39the second moment in your life you start
52:40to grow up is when you have a kid
52:43because up until that moment and I'm
52:44naturally a selfish person it comes it
52:46comes very easily to me but it's the
52:48first time in your life you're more
52:50concerned with someone else's
52:52well-being and it's it's it's a strange
52:57sense to want someone else to be more
53:00concerned about someone else's wellbeing
53:01than yours I mean truly more concerned
53:04and it's somewhat liberating when I was
53:06your age on Friday I'd start getting
53:07stressed like what fabulous people am I
53:09hanging out with what amazing thing am I
53:11doing how can I hang around more
53:13interesting and hotter people how can I
53:15have better experiences sex more sex
53:18with hotter people make more money make
53:20more money now it's like okay we got
53:24soccer practice Saturday morning we got
53:26a play dates out it's all of a sudden
53:28just about them I mean it's literally
53:30just about them and for the first few
53:32few years that takes some
53:34adapting but what you find I find it's
53:36relaxing now to be more focused on
53:39someone else I find is is is relaxing
53:43and rewarding instead of just all you
53:46all the time right so losing someone and
53:50gaining someone I think are the kind of
53:52key moments where you sort of uh grow up
53:56I mean losing your parent is something
53:57that happens to everybody some the
54:00economic strain I have most people would
54:02pray for but personal troughs uh I've
54:06been really blessed so far you talked a
54:09little bit there about self-doubt yeah
54:11um do you do you struggle with
54:12self-doubt oh yeah I have a huge
54:14impostor syndrome but I think it's
54:15healthy and I think most people have it
54:17I think um yeah I I sure uh every time
54:23I've raised money I've thought I was
54:25fooling them committing fraud like oh
54:28God I just raised $37 million from my
54:30edtech startup what were they thinking
54:33you know what were they thinking um I
54:36don't you know I weird things like uh I
54:40I get I'm sure you get fan mail or uh if
54:43people who listen my podcast or want to
54:46meet me or have dinner with me I don't
54:48like to do it because I always find
54:49they're going to be disappointed that
54:51the person they think I am I'm just not
54:53that interesting or that cool um I I
54:57always worry that at the end of the day
54:58my natural state will be to be broken
55:00alone that that's kind of like what my
55:02personality traits were they'll lead me
55:05um I have those fears every day I have
55:08huge impostor
55:09syndrome um yeah so but again it it's
55:14motivating it's like well okay prove
55:16yourself and them wrong so I I wouldn't
55:18describe myself I'm not a I'm I'm I'm
55:21I'm I'm confident on certain levels but
55:23I always feel like a little bit like
55:25every time I have an achievement I've
55:26like kind of fooled everybody do you
55:28know where that comes from because I I
55:30I'm not sure if that's everybody I sit
55:32here with a lot of people so I see a
55:33variance yeah I don't know yeah I really
55:36don't know I don't know
55:37where um I don't know where it comes
55:40from but yeah I definitely have
55:41something whispering in my ear like yeah
55:44who the [ __ ] are you kidding like yeah
55:46that you you temp you fooled them
55:48temporarily but it's all going to come
55:49crashing down yeah I have that when I
55:51was reading through a lot of things
55:52you'd said about yourself you you also
55:54had called yourself an [ __ ] a few
55:56times
55:59mhm what do you mean by that and why
56:02were you an
56:03[ __ ] uh yeah simp someone who wasn't
56:06kind someone who put their own needs
56:07ahead of other people I wasn't very kind
56:09to my first wife I should have been as
56:12an early manager I should have been
56:14kinder to my employees yeah an
56:19[ __ ] why why or how I don't know I I
56:23guess because I could or I don't know I
56:25like that think that I've gotten better
56:27as I've gotten older I think in America
56:29there's
56:30this um at least and it's changing in
56:34the world I grew up when I think it's
56:37kind of started with Steve
56:39Jobs you know here's a guy who I think
56:42there's this unfortunate Gestalt in
56:45American Business that if you're
56:47talented and super nice you're talented
56:52if you're talented and a bit of an
56:54[ __ ] you're a genius
56:57it was seen as leadership to be in a
56:59room and and get angry or point out the
57:04problems or dress somebody down I think
57:07that's changed for the better in the
57:09last 10 years but everybody was trying
57:11to be Steve Jobs and there's no getting
57:14around it he was cruel at work he denied
57:17his own blood under oath to avoid child
57:19support payments while it was worth a
57:20quarter of a billion dollars and that's
57:22the Jesus Christ of our information age
57:24economy this was not a kind
57:26man and so in the Tech Community in the
57:3090s it
57:33was uh kind of rewarded to be you know
57:36you were a fighter right to be
57:39harsh and I think a lot of that has
57:41changed for the better you realize and I
57:44just as you get older you're just
57:45younger you're selfish and I think I've
57:47gotten some early
57:49success so I I don't think I realize the
57:51extent to which luck played a role in
57:53that but I've gotten better um I'm you
57:57know less of an [ __ ] what has allowed
57:59you to increase your self-awareness you
58:01just get older you just get you know you
58:03just get older you realize I remember I
58:06had one moment and it I was at a I was
58:08in a meeting I run my own companies yeah
58:12before I joined NYU and I remember like
58:14just nothing that big a deal but this
58:16guy was presenting and he was had some
58:18slides and I'm like I'm might go back
58:19I'm like your slides make no [ __ ]
58:21sense I'm like just don't don't get us
58:24all in a room and present this garbage
58:26garbage just kind of set it like that
58:27those exact words and he finished the
58:30presentation and then we're all you know
58:32afterwards and I went to the men's room
58:34and he was in the men's room and he was
58:35next to me at the Ural urinal and I saw
58:37his hand shaking he was so rattled by
58:40the thing that he had like a small py or
58:42whatever you call it and I remember
58:44thinking you know I was finally getting
58:46to an age where I could start to be a
58:48little bit more self-aware and kind of
58:49like what's the point of all this
58:50[ __ ]
58:52success if you just make other people
58:54feel like [ __ ] like what's the a point
58:57and I thought why did I do that and some
58:59of it was to communicate that this was
59:01unacceptable and it was the data that
59:03this person was presenting was
59:04unacceptable but it would have been just
59:06but part of it was for me to take the
59:08opportunity to elevate my own
59:11stature by diminishing someone else's
59:15and that's entirely wrong and what you
59:17realize as you get older is that you
59:19don't need to diminish other people's
59:21status to get to the same point I should
59:23have taken him aside and said come on
59:25man data was you can do better than that
59:28this is what was wrong with it this is
59:30what how I think you should present the
59:31data realize that you're presenting to a
59:34group of people who are going to notice
59:37that data contradicts the data on the
59:38next slide and instead uh uh my need to
59:42feel I don't know important or whatever
59:46put my own needs ahead of theirs I think
59:48there's a lot of that I don't think I
59:50don't think it's a unique attribute uh
59:52but I I'd like to think that I've
59:54starched most of most of that out of my
59:56professional life I think you just get
59:58older uh hopefully you get Kinder you
1:00:00get more
1:00:01self-aware but oh yeah I look back on my
1:00:04career there's a lot I'm not proud of
1:00:07what are you still working on
1:00:10personally uh being present you know you
1:00:16regret and upset about the past anxiety
1:00:19about the
1:00:20future uh take you so out of the present
1:00:23trying to enjoy my sons at boarding
1:00:25school the most difficult thing about
1:00:27moving here is I come home my boy's not
1:00:29there my my 15-year-old that's really
1:00:31strange for me you'll see when your kids
1:00:33are around they become a limb like when
1:00:35you're not around your kids you feel as
1:00:37if something's wrong I mean the first
1:00:42the first day away from them is amazing
1:00:44and then it gets awful you're like oh
1:00:46God this is wonderful I can sleep in you
1:00:48know I like I used to like business
1:00:50travel especially when their babies
1:00:51babies are tough but now you feel like
1:00:53you're like you're like walking around
1:00:55without a limb is it's just weird and my
1:00:58son's in boarding school here and so
1:01:00coming home and not having him home is
1:01:02just very uh very strange so when he was
1:01:06home yesterday he's only home for a day
1:01:08and a half on the weekends trying to be
1:01:10very in the moment trying to be present
1:01:12I have a tough time one of my talents as
1:01:15an entrepreneur I think is that I'm
1:01:16always thinking about work and focused
1:01:18on [ __ ] so when I show up Monday morning
1:01:21I've kind of got a head start because
1:01:23I'm thinking about problems I'm thinking
1:01:24about stuff but the problem is you're
1:01:27not that present and it's very hard to
1:01:29balance those two because it's so
1:01:30competitive I mean I would imagine I
1:01:33look around I I I know your success I
1:01:35would imagine you're constantly thinking
1:01:37about work right thinking about new new
1:01:40ways to improve things people you can
1:01:42reach out to emails you should send to
1:01:44encourage people you know just
1:01:46constantly think about it once you have
1:01:49kids it's very hard to manage that
1:01:51balance because you want to be present
1:01:54so I'm trying to be present also
1:01:56I'm trying to slow time down time is
1:02:00falling off a cliff for me um I have a
1:02:04chat group with my college friends it
1:02:06was
1:02:07yesterday you know when we were in
1:02:10college it's it's just flown by the last
1:02:1330 years which means it's going to go
1:02:16even faster and I'm going to be 87 so
1:02:18trying to slow time down trying to be
1:02:20more present that's what I'm working on
1:02:23and uh uh you just trying to be kinder I
1:02:27think I think everyone should from day
1:02:28one just think okay how can I be more
1:02:30kind how do we slow time down my my uh
1:02:33my friend asked me the other day what my
1:02:34superpower would be and that's what I
1:02:36said I said I wish I could pause time
1:02:38yeah and my like I think it's toxic my
1:02:40answer but I was like because then I
1:02:41could get my work done yeah yeah and
1:02:45continue with with my life and then
1:02:46maybe I could DJ and learn you know some
1:02:48other things but my I've always said
1:02:49that that would that would be my chosen
1:02:50superpower but how does one practically
1:02:52slow time down so that 30 years doesn't
1:02:53fly past
1:02:56so when you're a dad one of the things
1:02:59you realize is you have this image that
1:03:03belief that your kids are going to be
1:03:05into World War II history and Crossfit
1:03:07those are the things I'm interested in
1:03:08and what you find out is kids have their
1:03:09own interests and if you want to be a
1:03:11good dad you have to lean into their
1:03:13interests otherwise you're just not
1:03:14going to have a very strong relationship
1:03:15with them because they they're selfish
1:03:17kids are inherently selfish and they're
1:03:19oh well Dad's really the World War II
1:03:20history so I'll go to the you know the
1:03:22the British war museum and I'll find it
1:03:24fascinating you know that doesn't happen
1:03:27my kids so yesterday I ended up at
1:03:30life-size Monopoly which is this
1:03:33lifesize Monopoly game somewhere and for
1:03:36me that's the seventh ring of hell
1:03:38that's just that's just a but what you
1:03:41try to do to slow time down is I
1:03:43immediately go into like okay just
1:03:44ignore the thing you know check your
1:03:46email be a good dad just do get through
1:03:48it get through it I find you can slow
1:03:51time down by getting into stuff like
1:03:54trying to like s really try and get in
1:03:57get into life-size Monopoly and engage
1:03:59with my child and like be a little bit
1:04:02over the top about it and when they do
1:04:04cheers scream loud like trying just get
1:04:08really into things because if you want
1:04:12time to pass it will it'll cooperate but
1:04:15when you get really into stuff even
1:04:17though you think it's stupid and cheesy
1:04:19and you're like can't help but think God
1:04:21this is like Chinese water
1:04:23torture um I find that slow it down also
1:04:26find leaning into your emotions slows
1:04:28time down because it makes you more
1:04:31present um I didn't cry or laugh out
1:04:34loud from the ages of 30 to 44 for 14
1:04:37years I didn't cry once and I didn't
1:04:39laugh out loud I for I lost the capacity
1:04:42to uncontrollably laugh and to cry I
1:04:45just kind of forgot how to do either of
1:04:47those things and emotions are things you
1:04:50have to practice so I remember the first
1:04:52time I started crying and the first time
1:04:54I really laughed at loud with friends I
1:04:56thought God did both these things feel
1:04:58great and I started getting really into
1:05:00those things and feeling guilt when I do
1:05:04something stupid or like trying to
1:05:06really embrace my emotions because that
1:05:09indicates what's important to you what
1:05:11moves you what inspires you what upsets
1:05:13you what pisses you off and I find
1:05:16emotions like real raw emotions when you
1:05:18register them and absorb them and like
1:05:20lean into the messy part of yourself I
1:05:23find that slows time down so getting
1:05:26into stuff and registering your emotions
1:05:29and as a business person you're taught
1:05:31to be a little bit stoic you have this
1:05:33weird sense also as a man of masculinity
1:05:35that men don't feel their emotions but
1:05:38you you start forgetting what's
1:05:40important to you you start forgetting
1:05:42what like is real your things you're
1:05:44into like what what do you find
1:05:47hilarious what makes you well up with
1:05:50tears because you find it so moving
1:05:53without being without doing that stuff
1:05:54you forget what's important to you you
1:05:56forget like you kind of lose your
1:06:00individualism uh anyway so there's and
1:06:02you talked to Simon Sy there's a bunch
1:06:04of people who have a lot of means uh
1:06:07those are my those are my two tricks in
1:06:10your book the algebra of Happiness the
1:06:12third section is about health and you
1:06:14spoke earlier about the importance of it
1:06:15I've really recently over the last two
1:06:17years I'd say learned the importance of
1:06:18health and make sure I work out pretty
1:06:20much every day what are why is health so
1:06:22important you know I've I've been on my
1:06:25own journe to understand it but um one
1:06:27of the things you said was that the most
1:06:28common trait among CEOs is that they
1:06:30exercise
1:06:31regularly um and even think you said you
1:06:34made comments about alcohol being bad
1:06:36for us did you did you take time to
1:06:39learn that I know you've been working
1:06:41out since you were very very young MH
1:06:43but the the overarching role of our
1:06:45health in everything um what have you
1:06:48learned about that and the importance of
1:06:50it well it's kind of where it all starts
1:06:52I mean this is not a rental you know
1:06:54this is not a tress rehearsal your body
1:06:56is it I mean you look you you look like
1:06:58an athlete what do you do every day what
1:06:59do you thank you I'll clip that um and
1:07:03I'll put that in my
1:07:05bio um I do a mixture so I I train for
1:07:08an hour every day um jamim is in my
1:07:10fitness group so about 90% of days a
1:07:12year we we train um yesterday was
1:07:15CrossFit uh yeah yesterday was CrossFit
1:07:18so yeah so look if you could do
1:07:21something that would make you less
1:07:23depressed make you more likely to be
1:07:25successful F broaden your selection set
1:07:27of
1:07:28mates I mean wouldn't wouldn't you want
1:07:30to take that drug every day it's called
1:07:32exercise we're happiest as a species in
1:07:35motions surrounded by others we've been
1:07:37hunting and Gathering so the things
1:07:39you're going to remember in your life
1:07:40are usually not the CrossFit class but
1:07:42walking around Rome with your family and
1:07:44your kids complaining but being outside
1:07:47in some form of
1:07:48exercise with people you care about so
1:07:52uh an exercise and feeling strong uh I
1:07:56mean it's been my anti-depressant if I
1:07:57don't you know I got here four three
1:08:00four days ago I've only worked out once
1:08:02I can feel myself I'm angrier I'm not as
1:08:04nice I don't feel as good about myself
1:08:07it's I think for a lot of people it is
1:08:10it is the easiest means to an
1:08:13anti-depressant it's the closest thing
1:08:15we have to a youth serum you have this
1:08:17basically 24x7 security camera on in
1:08:19your brain trying to figure out if
1:08:20you're adding value that's the bad news
1:08:23the good news is it's got terrible res
1:08:25solution and you can fool it so if
1:08:28you're caring for other people
1:08:29caregivers generally live longer because
1:08:32your brain will sense that you're caring
1:08:34for other people you're social you're
1:08:35touching people you're concerned and it
1:08:38releases a hormone that lets you stay
1:08:39alive new mothers typically do not die
1:08:43um if you're exercising intensely it
1:08:45fools the camera into believing that
1:08:46you're hunting prey or building housing
1:08:48and it says let's keep this person
1:08:49around longer so it is a great
1:08:52anti-depressant it's a great use serum
1:08:55um I find you're just Kinder you're
1:08:57nicer you're more confident so you know
1:09:01it's I again uh the thing that the
1:09:05Fortune 500 cosos have most in common
1:09:07it's not the schools they went to it's
1:09:08not even their it's not even their
1:09:10ethnicity it is gender only 483 of them
1:09:13are men but more than any practice or
1:09:15attribute it's that they work out four
1:09:17to five times plus a week physical
1:09:20fitness again it's one of my
1:09:23algorithms you should not watch other
1:09:26people sweat for any longer than you
1:09:28sweat and I you
1:09:32know if if you're watching other people
1:09:34sweat four hours a week and you're
1:09:35sweating one hour a week you're in
1:09:37trouble do not you have to sweat more
1:09:40than you watch other people sweat the
1:09:42other thing we have in common is um our
1:09:44backgrounds in advertising and brand you
1:09:47you speak a lot about um branding and
1:09:48advertising um I sat here with Rory
1:09:50Sutherland and that was one of our real
1:09:52best performing episodes I didn't
1:09:53realize there was such a demand on from
1:09:55our audience in terms of practical
1:09:57advertising knowledge he talked a lot
1:09:58about Apple and Tesla and the secrets
1:10:00there how is the the the the the the
1:10:03lands of advertising and a brand
1:10:06building a reputation changed in your
1:10:07lifetime and what is the most important
1:10:10thing for Brands to understand now or
1:10:12some of the important things for Brands
1:10:13to understand now if they are to be
1:10:16successful yeah so my first job in
1:10:19business school I started a company
1:10:20called profit brand strategy that's now
1:10:21about 500 people now it's just called
1:10:24profit and the basic notion was it was
1:10:26based on the principles of my professor
1:10:28my second year David 's considered the
1:10:30father of modern branding and it was
1:10:32that the intangible associations with a
1:10:34brand or set of products or services are
1:10:36the only sustainable
1:10:38advantage that if you can wrap a set of
1:10:42products and services with these brand
1:10:44codes of masculinity European Elegance
1:10:46Youth and then pound away at those
1:10:49associations using this incredibly chap
1:10:52cheap efficient medium called broadcast
1:10:54advertising you can take a marginal shoe
1:10:57salty snack marginal car and get amazing
1:11:01margins on it so that was that's been
1:11:03the from the end of World War II to the
1:11:06introduction of Google in the 90s the
1:11:09algorithm for creating massive
1:11:10shareholder wealth was find a mediocre
1:11:12product wrap it in amazing brand codes
1:11:14and make people feel more patriotic or
1:11:16more or younger stuff the Channel with
1:11:19it and print money the pgs the Pepsi Co
1:11:21of the world you know the coca-colas
1:11:23these were the economic Titans of yester
1:11:24year
1:11:25the sun has passed midday on that
1:11:28because our weapons of diligence whether
1:11:29it's Google or trip advis or Amazon
1:11:31reviews now gets us to the best product
1:11:33without the benefit of this weapon of
1:11:35diligence called brand when I come came
1:11:37to London I used to stay at the Four
1:11:39Seasons in the mandin Oriental why
1:11:41because someone else was paying and
1:11:42their old was an eight and then I went
1:11:45on trip advisor and I went on my social
1:11:47graph and I found out the people love
1:11:48the conet hotel or people love the
1:11:50Ferndale hotels I I started staying at
1:11:52the Hay Market why I like a place from a
1:11:53nice gym and I want to pay stay at with
1:11:55hang out with people who are younger and
1:11:57cooler than me so I started staying at
1:11:59boutique hotels so all of a sudden
1:12:02product became the bomb again and then
1:12:04your ability to embrace these new
1:12:05mediums around social became more
1:12:08important than broadcast advertising so
1:12:09the traditional metrics of branding the
1:12:11traditional vehicles for Branding a
1:12:13brand identity and broadcast advertising
1:12:15that I've been preaching in brand
1:12:16strategy the sun has passed midday if
1:12:19you look at my curriculum and the
1:12:20majority of curriculums and marketing
1:12:22departments You could argue that we're
1:12:23just training people to go to work at
1:12:25Unilever or General Mills and be laid
1:12:27off 24 months
1:12:29later uh branding has become much more
1:12:31about Innovation and actual product
1:12:33quality now that extends into how you
1:12:35discover the product how you absorb the
1:12:37product the community around it but you
1:12:40know Tesla is a better product Apple
1:12:42used to be an underpowered product with
1:12:44a great brand now it's a great brand
1:12:46with a superior product so these Airbnb
1:12:50is a much better product these things
1:12:51are G Google is 10x better than what was
1:12:55there before it so supply
1:12:58chain uh design the way you absorb the
1:13:02product its ease of use you know it's
1:13:05just it's moved from kind of what you
1:13:07call a brand economy to for back lack of
1:13:09a better term an innovation economy so
1:13:12rather than taking classes on
1:13:14Advertising I say take classes on supply
1:13:16chain or analytics or really understand
1:13:19industrial design you know there was a
1:13:22general feeling that all product quality
1:13:24had maxed out
1:13:25and then the internet came along and
1:13:27unlocked all this product Innovation so
1:13:29cars they felt that hit kind of a peak
1:13:31in terms of product quality and then all
1:13:34of a sudden with the internet and GPS
1:13:36you could you could tune a car up uh
1:13:40wirelessly you you can unlock the doors
1:13:43uh there was all kinds of crazy things
1:13:45you could do with it uh in addition to
1:13:48in addition to EV I mean there's just
1:13:50been so much actual Innovation around
1:13:52the product and what are the most
1:13:54valuable companies in the world have in
1:13:55common they either spend no money on
1:13:57advertising or they're spending less
1:14:00Apple's the strongest brand in the world
1:14:01at least a consumer brand I would argue
1:14:03the strongest mans in the world
1:14:04universities but it's
1:14:06reallocated six or seven billion dollars
1:14:08out of broadcast advertising into its
1:14:10channel into stores so buildt 550
1:14:12temples to the brand and I think of that
1:14:14as almost part of the product my
1:14:1612-year-old and I were bored yesterday
1:14:17so we went to the Apple Store so that's
1:14:19kind of consuming the product and I end
1:14:21up buying screen savers and new cases
1:14:24that I'm sure are 90 points of gross
1:14:26margin that I could find a fck or Best
1:14:28Buy or someone for less money but we
1:14:30want to be in that store and in that
1:14:31environment so it's it's moving out of
1:14:34pre- purchase broadcast advertising into
1:14:36the distribution Channel and into
1:14:37Innovation but the
1:14:40traditional the traditional Norms of
1:14:42marketing or branding as I taught it
1:14:45that shit's over Don Draper has been
1:14:46drawn and quartered if you're watching a
1:14:49lot of advertising it means your life
1:14:50hasn't worked out the majority of people
1:14:53who are technically literate
1:14:55or um uh wealthy can avoid 80 90% of
1:15:00advertising now they watch Netflix they
1:15:02they subscribe to Spotify they live in
1:15:05cities where they have uh local
1:15:08officials that demand you can't see a
1:15:09billboard from a
1:15:11park um
1:15:13so advertising is a tax on the poor and
1:15:16the technologically illiterate so it's
1:15:18moved to more distribution and
1:15:20Innovation but for God's sakes don't you
1:15:23know avoid the of falling into the Trap
1:15:26of thinking that the Masters of the
1:15:28Universe are branders or
1:15:30advertisers if they are innovators then
1:15:33how does one make make themselves or
1:15:35their team more Innovative this is the
1:15:36question I get asked all the time yeah
1:15:38when I speak at conferences or to
1:15:39businesses it's well you know how do we
1:15:40how do we make our 500 people in our
1:15:43company in innovate because you'll see
1:15:44the CEO standing you know in front of
1:15:46the the board meeting on or the the All
1:15:48Hands and say we need to be more
1:15:49Innovative yeah what does that mean
1:15:51right does [ __ ] all we all know that but
1:15:53by Design how how do we create an
1:15:56Innovative mindset ourselves or
1:15:58Innovative
1:15:59teams that's a tough one I don't
1:16:01consider myself um an expert on culture
1:16:05although it's clearly out there like I
1:16:07think of HBO HBO if there's a show that
1:16:10people are talking about I don't know if
1:16:11the same is true but in the US people
1:16:14are talking if there's a show people are
1:16:15talking about the water cooler it's
1:16:17Euphoria it's
1:16:18succession it's generally an HBO show
1:16:21and they have about a third of the
1:16:22budget of some of the other streaming
1:16:23networks so there's something about that
1:16:25culture where they're able to come up
1:16:26with kind of
1:16:27breakthrough creative some companies
1:16:30just seem to do that time and time again
1:16:31agreed and so it's a culture thing at
1:16:34the heart of it even Apple you you know
1:16:36yeah especially under the ear of Steve
1:16:38Jobs they seem to take some unbelievably
1:16:42scary um bets that paid off obviously a
1:16:45lot of them don't some of them don't but
1:16:47Amazon's the same AWS the Kindle 100%
1:16:51yeah so you know I mean you know there's
1:16:52some Basics it's a willingness to fail
1:16:54to take big bets to reward people for
1:16:57taking risks I think an external
1:16:59Viewpoint that's constantly benchmarking
1:17:01other companies I mean my last reml to
1:17:04essentially what we did was we went out
1:17:06and bench marked the best practices of
1:17:08every company in Social e-commerce
1:17:11payments and then came in and said okay
1:17:13unil lever okay Nike what can you learn
1:17:16from everyone from Adidas to Tata Motors
1:17:20like what are they doing that's really
1:17:21interesting so having an external
1:17:23Viewpoint a willing to take big bats I
1:17:26also think holding people accountable
1:17:28found businesses seem to to be much more
1:17:30Innovative obviously I think they they
1:17:32often fail quicker as well but they seem
1:17:34to have a higher risk appetite than
1:17:37fered businesses we have a closing
1:17:39tradition on this podcast right where
1:17:41the last guest leaves a question for the
1:17:43next guest they don't know who they're
1:17:45leaving it for and I don't get to read
1:17:46it until I open the
1:17:48book
1:17:52um the question that's been left for you
1:17:55okay do I get to know who left it you
1:17:58don't I don't oh no
1:18:03okay what is your biggest regret
1:18:05personally and if you could go back what
1:18:08would you do
1:18:10differently it's funny it's the
1:18:12questions that are obvious over the
1:18:13heart my biggest
1:18:15regret
1:18:17personally I wish I had been Kinder from
1:18:20an earlier age I think it's good for the
1:18:23world I think it makes me feel more
1:18:25masculine it makes me feel more
1:18:28successful to be kind and I didn't
1:18:30stumble upon that I wish i' i' come to
1:18:33that realization
1:18:34sooner that to be generous to be loving
1:18:38to be you know the uh Cindy Gallop a
1:18:41friend of mine says that the the most
1:18:44wasted resource is good intentions I
1:18:48wish my good intentions had I was more
1:18:52ready more confident to articulate the
1:18:54kind thoughts I had about others and to
1:18:57articulate them with more ease I've
1:18:59thought good things about other people
1:19:01I've wanted to do good things for a long
1:19:03time but I didn't have the confidence or
1:19:05the discipline to either say them or do
1:19:08them I wish I'd had that confidence
1:19:10earlier because the majority of us are
1:19:12good people the majority of us admire
1:19:14other people the majority of us love
1:19:15other people and we don't want to
1:19:17articulate it I think especially men
1:19:19because we're worried that saying I
1:19:21admire you or you know you're just such
1:19:23a handsome young buff man who's who's
1:19:26acquired so much success at a young age
1:19:28I'm kind of like trying to figure out
1:19:29I'd love to know like how did you do all
1:19:31this at such a young age saying that is
1:19:33embarrassing for a man there's this
1:19:36feeling among men that me saying that
1:19:38makes me less successful and masculine
1:19:41like it's a zero sum game and what you
1:19:43realize as you get older is that is that
1:19:46is how you feel strong and how you feel
1:19:49kind I wish I'd figured that out earlier
1:19:52I wish I'd been more forth coming with
1:19:55my positive
1:19:57emotions does that end up making us
1:19:59miserable personally so if I if I have
1:20:01that kind of it's almost a form of
1:20:02resentment isn't it we I think we all
1:20:03have it I think when Justin Bieber came
1:20:05onto the scene and I looked over and
1:20:07there was this like 14-year-old that had
1:20:08all the women and he was beautiful and
1:20:10he was selling out these Arenas I'm
1:20:11thinking [ __ ] it this guy well shadon
1:20:13Freud I mean it's just resentment of
1:20:15other people's success I think that's
1:20:18different I think I think Justin Bieber
1:20:20worn some hate um but for sure but the
1:20:24reason I I was hating on him was purely
1:20:25jealousy it was fair enough but I my
1:20:29sense is you seem pretty self-actualized
1:20:31at your age I was at the age of 30 as an
1:20:34entrepreneur if my team was doing a
1:20:36great job and there was a great
1:20:39shot I rewarded them at the end of the
1:20:41year with a
1:20:42bonus as you get older what you realize
1:20:44is young people need watering it doesn't
1:20:47matter how successful they are it
1:20:48doesn't have much money they're making
1:20:49when you say I sent a text this morning
1:20:52we did a my prop G has this this new
1:20:54thing called we have something called a
1:20:56markets podcast which is focused on the
1:20:58markets the team did such an amazing job
1:21:01with the sound edits today and it's a
1:21:0324y old it's a 24y old doing this [ __ ]
1:21:09and she has such a feel and name is CLA
1:21:11Miller she has such a feel for how to
1:21:13integrate Sound and Music and knows when
1:21:15to fade it in and fade it out and I
1:21:17immediately registered that and I think
1:21:19oh me registering that is really good
1:21:20for her because I'm the boss well why
1:21:23wouldn't you pull out your phone phone
1:21:25and say your integration of sound here
1:21:27is so striking and your talent is so
1:21:32ahead of where you are and I did that
1:21:35and I know when she wakes up this
1:21:36morning and gets that text message it's
1:21:38just
1:21:40gonna make her mourning it's just going
1:21:43to make her mourning 20 years ago I
1:21:46didn't think to do that why I don't know
1:21:48I just didn't do it just didn't I don't
1:21:50know selfish didn't want to give up that
1:21:54again S as somewhat of lazy not kind I
1:21:58don't know is there an element of
1:22:00thinking that if you give the compliment
1:22:01then someone can
1:22:03become complacent or they can become
1:22:06they might not strive as hard maybe I
1:22:09don't know I saw my job as a CEO back
1:22:12when
1:22:14was um all over everybody all of the
1:22:16time I mean just all the time and I'm
1:22:18still like that not as bad a little bit
1:22:20as well to be fair and look there's
1:22:23that's you can do that and still be kind
1:22:26I was on a panel with other CEOs and
1:22:29they asked what is your management
1:22:30philosophy and this one woman who runs a
1:22:33very successful uh startup said it's
1:22:37putting people in the role to succeed
1:22:39and the other one and the other person
1:22:42said it's it's helping people find their
1:22:46true self finding what they're really
1:22:47passionate about and then they came to
1:22:49me like I'm all [ __ ] over everybody
1:22:51all of the [ __ ] time and every you
1:22:53know I just went I'm like I don't know
1:22:55how else to do it I'm just all over and
1:22:57I realized maybe that's why I've never
1:22:59been able to grow a billion dollar
1:23:00business cuz I'm just to I don't want
1:23:03say in the weeds I do give people uh I
1:23:06think a decent amount of latitude but I
1:23:08don't know how else to do it just to you
1:23:11know kind of be all over everything all
1:23:14of the time I I don't maybe that's why
1:23:16again I don't I'm not running a
1:23:18multi-billion dollar
1:23:20franchise I can
1:23:22relate I can relate
1:23:25um I can relate to that a lot but that's
1:23:28a conversation for another time I guess
1:23:29because it's not as much about me but
1:23:31thank you Scott for your time and your
1:23:33wisom I followed you for some time and I
1:23:34remember going out to Barley a couple of
1:23:36years ago grabbing the book in the
1:23:37airport when I was off to write my own
1:23:39book so I your book was a source of
1:23:41inspiration for me I remember reading on
1:23:42my desk there in Uber um and that's why
1:23:45I was surprised it wasn't behind me
1:23:46today but I guess it's upstairs and your
1:23:48your [ __ ] free approach to sharing
1:23:52yourself and your ideas is is incredibly
1:23:56important we I think we've seen a sort
1:23:58of a decline in a willingness to be both
1:24:01vulnerable um and brutally honest about
1:24:04our perspectives and doesn't mean our
1:24:06perspectives are always correct but but
1:24:08the Collision of two ideas that are
1:24:09honest I think is how we ultimately lead
1:24:12to progress so I love that and that's
1:24:15why we ultimately have this podcast your
1:24:17new book a drift America and 100 charts
1:24:20is out now yep why did you write that
1:24:23book of all the things you you know you
1:24:25know so much about so many things and
1:24:26you talk about so many topics why that
1:24:28book um I'm fascinated with the idea of
1:24:32a nation and connective tissue I feel
1:24:35very patriotic as I get older I'm more
1:24:37grateful for my blessings and one of my
1:24:38blessings I talked about was being born
1:24:40in America and I wanted uh I love charts
1:24:43we've been communicating with words
1:24:45since the alphabet for 1500 years but
1:24:47we've been communicating with images
1:24:49whether it was reading them off the cave
1:24:50cave walls or the walls of caves or
1:24:53looking at the height of the sun and the
1:24:54sky for tens of thousands so I've always
1:24:56been really drawn to charts we can
1:24:58process information 6 to 60 times faster
1:25:01when it's visual so I thought how can I
1:25:03create a narrative around what Al's
1:25:05America and what are some of the
1:25:06solutions with charts so it's a chart
1:25:09and then a narrative second chart and a
1:25:10narrative all grouped into themes and
1:25:13also I just want to write a book every
1:25:1412 to 15 months I feel like it's the
1:25:15hardest thing I do but I feel like it
1:25:16keeps me sort of young and some of those
1:25:19narratives are conversations we've had
1:25:20today but explained in more context um
1:25:23and all of your books books have been
1:25:25important for me it's because of the way
1:25:28that you write oh thanks it's not it's
1:25:29not just the content itself but it's
1:25:31writing in such an accessible way which
1:25:33can make a very complicated theme be
1:25:35accessible to someone like me who is not
1:25:37I don't consider myself to be an
1:25:38intellectual in any capacity and thank
1:25:40you for your time today uh it's a real
1:25:42Stroke of Luck that you now live in
1:25:43London and you're able to be here and do
1:25:44this and I feel very honored that you
1:25:46came so thank you I appreciate that
1:25:47congratulations on all your success
1:25:49thank you so much Scott it's a pleasure
1:25:52quick word from one of our sponsors I've
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1:26:18Jean Studio I actually used it the other
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1:26:24to TV level production quality all done
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1:27:04shape and healthy there's one thing
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1:27:09and to get that message from juline
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1:27:19the products are not only nutritionally
1:27:22complete but they're sourced from
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1:27:25nutritions and to know that H now going
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1:27:30to my nutrition stack is incredibly
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1:27:54oh
1:27:55[Music]
1:28:11[Music]

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