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The Man with no Short Time Memory (Amnesia Documentary) | Only Human — Transcript

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0:06Clive Wearing has one of the worst cases
0:08of amnesia in the world.
0:18I know what it's like to be dead now.
0:20Day and night the same, blank.
0:22No difference in dreams or anything like
0:24that. No senses at all. The brain has
0:25been totally inactive.
0:27No dreams, no thoughts of any kind
0:29whatever.
0:31Clive was a renowned conductor living in
0:33London when he was struck down by a
0:35virus in 1985.
0:38Parts of his brain were completely
0:39destroyed, including his memory.
0:42However, his ability to play music is
0:44unaffected.
0:46Do you feel different when you play
0:48music?
0:48I never heard a note since I've been
0:49ill. I don't know what it's like to play
0:51music.
0:53I'm unconscious.
0:54You played us some music about 2 minutes
0:56ago.
0:57Not known to me.
0:59Totally unknown to me. I've never heard
1:00a note here.
1:05Clive's case became known to millions
1:07when a television documentary was made
1:09about him in 1986.
1:12Alone and confused in hospital without
1:15his memory, the only person he
1:17recognized was his wife, Deborah.
1:20What's been wrong? Can you just tell me
1:21what the answer would be? You know very
1:23well I can't get to this answer. I am
1:24actually conscious now for the first
1:25time. I just want to find out what the
1:26bloody hell they've been doing, what's
1:27been wrong with me. Cuz there hasn't
1:29been a [ __ ]
1:30I've never seen anyone at all.
1:3520 years later, Clive only has a
1:377-second memory before his mind goes
1:40blank.
1:41What has life been like for Clive and
1:43his family?
1:55Do you know that we're making a film
1:57about you?
1:57No, I
1:58No, that's news to me.
2:00You're being filmed for a television
2:01program.
2:02Oh, no.
2:04Oh, I thought I'd be posture right.
2:07Of course.
2:07Because you're very famous.
2:09Oh, lucky story.
2:11You're full of jokes, aren't you? Are
2:12you two laughing as well?
2:15About 20 years ago, a film was made
2:17about you.
2:18Oh, no.
2:19Just after you became ill.
2:21Called a prisoner of consciousness.
2:24And 20 years on, we're making a new film
2:26about you.
2:27Because millions of people watched the
2:29film and wanted to know how you were.
2:31Good heavens.
2:32So, millions of people know you.
2:36How embarrassing.
2:39They know too much about me now, don't
2:41they?
2:43And we've been coming to see you for
2:44several weeks.
2:46I see.
2:47Are you paid to come here?
2:49Thankfully, we are.
3:00Clive is 67 and lives in a brain injury
3:03unit, where he's under constant
3:05supervision.
3:10His wife, Deborah, lives 85 miles away
3:13in Reading.
3:15His illness has made it impossible for
3:16them to live together for 20 years.
3:31If Clive went out of the front door
3:34unsupervised,
3:36unaccompanied,
3:38he would have
3:40it would be like being separated from a
3:42spaceship. It would be like if you were
3:44space walking and the rope broke, he
3:46would have no way of getting back, ever.
3:50So, does Clive know his name?
3:52Yes.
3:53Does he know how old he is?
3:54No.
3:55Does he know where you live?
3:57No. No idea.
3:58Does he know your job?
4:00No. No idea.
4:01Does he know the day of the week?
4:03No.
4:04Does he know the date?
4:06No.
4:07Can he read a book?
4:09No, cuz he can't remember the sentence
4:11before last.
4:12Can he watch a film?
4:14No. He'll watch the rugby or he'll watch
4:16the cricket.
4:18Uh he or he won't know who's playing or
4:19what the score is, but each stroke and
4:22each try
4:24is satisfying for him to watch.
4:36Clive now has islands of memory.
4:38Just as we can ride a bike or drive a
4:40car without remembering how we were
4:42taught,
4:43Clive can play and respond to music
4:45because his innate musical abilities are
4:47still there
4:49and weren't totally destroyed by the
4:51virus.
4:56Deborah visits Clive on average once a
4:58month.
5:01What sort of man is he?
5:03Passionate, very loving, funny, very
5:06very comical.
5:08And he's very very self-effacing.
5:11You know, he doesn't want to be a
5:12nuisance to anyone. He often apologizes
5:15to me and says, "I must have been such a
5:17nuisance to you. I'm so sorry." I mean
5:22They told me you were arriving.
5:24Welcome to our home.
5:28He knows me.
5:30He might not remember anything about me,
5:33but he knows me. And he knows what I'm
5:34like. And um
5:37we're still very much a team. I mean, it
5:39sounds odd that when we see so little of
5:41each other, but we're very much a team.
5:44Come on.
5:46No hanging around on the other side of
5:47the room.
5:48Thank you, darling.
5:50What does it mean to you when Deborah
5:52comes to visit?
5:54Heaven on earth arrives.
5:55And what does it mean to you when
5:57Deborah can't come and visit?
5:59Well, I don't know. I haven't been
5:59conscious since I've been ill.
6:01I don't know what I've been thinking
6:02when she's not here. I'd never seen her
6:04before, either.
6:06Never heard a word. Yes. I've never seen
6:08any human beings since I've been ill.
6:09You're the first four people I've seen
6:11in 30 years.
6:13And if you're unconscious, you don't
6:14like it much, do you?
6:16What does being unconscious mean?
6:19Same as death.
6:21No difference between day and night. No
6:22thoughts at all.
6:24Day and night the same.
6:26And what does love mean, Mr. Waring?
6:29Zero in tennis and everything in life.
6:32Good answer.
6:34Good answer.
6:36That's what it's about, love, isn't it?
6:37Everything.
6:39Clive became ill before he and Deborah
6:41could start a family.
6:43But Clive has three children from his
6:45first marriage.
6:47I thought of my father as a wonderful
6:49person. Mostly absent
6:52because of my parents split up when I
6:53was very young. Um but when I did see
6:56him, he was always very jolly, um
6:58very giving, always laughing, and we all
7:01missed him.
7:04I never dared to ask him what my name
7:05is.
7:06I don't know if that's
7:08my fear for him or my fear for myself,
7:10but
7:11I've never asked him uh what my name is.
7:14He knows I'm his son, and he'll always
7:16say we you should be this tall cuz he
7:17left home when I was that tall.
7:21I can hear music in the distance.
7:24What music can you hear?
7:32Since his illness, Clive has auditory
7:35hallucinations.
7:40I What I struggle with the most is that
7:43the intellectual colossus that was my
7:45father
7:46is reduced to making word games out of
7:49car number plates.
7:50You know, it
7:52it's just
7:53there's a tiny fraction of him left now.
8:0220 years ago, Clive was a well-known
8:04musician, conductor, and early music
8:06producer for Radio 3.
8:10He was a very charismatic conductor. He
8:14was working in a field that
8:17was just cutting new ground all the
8:18time.
8:21He would transcribe from
8:23original manuscripts and recreate the
8:25music for a particular meal that the
8:29Duke of Bavaria had with his
8:30mother-in-law, and what they wore, and
8:33what they had to eat, and this was the
8:34music, and then he would make a radio
8:36program.
8:39Took all his energy. There wasn't much
8:41time to sleep. There were no weekends.
8:43He poured his whole being into his work.
8:47Everybody
8:48used to say to him, "Clive,
8:52slow down."
8:54He couldn't.
8:58No one had any idea that Clive was about
9:01to become one of the most extreme cases
9:03of amnesia in the world.
9:12Clive's descent into brain damage came
9:14frighteningly quickly one week in March
9:161985, when he came home from work
9:19looking flushed and feverish.
9:22On Saturday, his headache started.
9:25By Tuesday, he was no better, and he
9:27hadn't slept. His temperature was 102.
9:31By Wednesday, he was very confused and
9:33couldn't remember Deborah's name.
9:35His temperature was 104.
9:38Doctors came and went, and Deborah left
9:40him sleeping.
9:42But when she came home, Clive had
9:44disappeared from their flat.
9:46I called his name. There was no reply. I
9:49went into the bedroom, the bed was
9:51empty, and I knew something terrible had
9:55happened.
9:57Over the next few hours, Deborah rang
9:58hospitals and police stations across
10:00London.
10:02No one had seen Clive.
10:05We sat, we sat, we sat,
10:07and then
10:09a man's voice
10:11The phone rang and a man's voice said,
10:13"Are you Mrs. Wearing?"
10:15"Yes."
10:17"We've got your husband."
10:19"Thank God."
10:21Clive had gone out
10:23fully dressed with his overcoat and a
10:24copy of The Times under his arm, hailed
10:27a cab,
10:28but couldn't remember where he lived. He
10:30wanted to go home, and he couldn't
10:31remember where he lived.
10:33And the cab driver had dropped him at
10:35West Hampstead police station, and the
10:37police had traced him by his Barclay
10:39card.
10:40So we got there,
10:41and uh we we we took him home, and Clive
10:44went to walk past the gate, and I
10:46stopped him, and I said, "No, it's
10:47here." And he said, "Oh, is this where
10:49we live?"
10:50And I said, "Yes."
10:52And he didn't recognize the building.
10:57Two doctors made home visits and
10:58concluded that Clive was suffering from
11:00a severe bout of flu that was doing the
11:03rounds in North London.
11:06But the Friday morning, he wasn't
11:09answering me, and I picked up one of his
11:11arms, and it was floppy. So I rang the
11:14doctor again. I said, "He's gone floppy.
11:17He's gone floppy. Get here now."
11:20And the doctor came,
11:22took one look at Clive, and dialed 999,
11:26went out of the front door, walked down
11:28the stairs, and as he turned the
11:30landing, he said,
11:31"This is the strangest case I've ever
11:33seen."
11:38When we got to the hospital, and I just
11:40remember going through these clear
11:42plastic rubber doors. They were like a
11:45valve.
11:46And that as those doors flapped shut
11:49behind us, you know, it was just like
11:53our life as we knew it was over.
12:01Once Clive was inside St. Mary's
12:02Hospital, the doctors fought to halt his
12:05fever and desperately conducted tests.
12:08They realized that Clive's brain was
12:10being attacked by the herpes simplex or
12:12cold sore virus.
12:17Occasionally, this virus crosses the
12:19blood-brain barrier and gets into the
12:22brain. Nobody knows why or how.
12:24Incredibly rare. It happens in about
12:26It's a one in a million chance that it's
12:28going to happen.
12:30And it caused an inflammation of the
12:32brain, which was called encephalitis.
12:37From what the doctors said
12:41about how bad
12:43um
12:44the temperature had been and how
12:47ill he'd been, I was very concerned that
12:50he wasn't going to live.
12:53Uh I was I was fairly convinced that I'd
12:56come to see my dad die.
13:05And then he didn't.
13:09Clive was given a new drug called
13:11acyclovir.
13:12It saved his life, but came too late to
13:15prevent brain damage.
13:17The virus had destroyed Clive's
13:18hippocampus, an area of the brain
13:20crucial for memory and learning,
13:23leaving him with dense amnesia.
13:33How many years have I been ill?
13:35About 20.
13:36About 20.
13:38Can you imagine what it's like to have
13:39one night 20 years long
13:41with no dream?
13:43That's what it's been like.
13:45Just like death.
13:47No difference between day and night, no
13:49thoughts at all.
13:51And in that sense it's been totally
13:53painless.
13:56Which is not something which is very
13:57desirable, really, is it?
14:00Cuz it's precisely like death.
14:03If you have no spent senses of pain, you
14:05have no sense of any kind working,
14:06either.
14:08I don't remember sitting down on this
14:10chair, for example, or this city, as it
14:12is. That was unknown to me.
14:14I've never seen a human being since I've
14:16been the last first photograph I've seen
14:17of anybody.
14:18And who is that photograph
14:19of my sons.
14:21I can't remember his name.
14:23It's gone now.
14:25Last time I knew him he was still at
14:26school.
14:27That's how many years it's been.
14:30A few years before he would have died
14:31from it.
14:33Um and a few years later they might have
14:35spotted it quicker, or maybe a different
14:37doctor might have spotted it quicker, or
14:38whatever.
14:39So, it was just on the cusp of
14:42of that that change, and and that's
14:45yeah, he's suffered for that, I think.
14:47And in my own mind it was the question
14:48of
14:49is it right that he's been ill for so
14:52many days, and how much damage has been
14:54done to his brain in that time?
14:57And uh whether
14:59it was the right thing or the wrong
15:01thing that
15:02he was treated and everybody fought for
15:04him as much as they did.
15:07Clive remained at St. Mary's, Paddington
15:09for 7 years. There was nowhere else
15:12suitable for him to go.
15:14His mood swung from euphoria to sadness
15:17within weeks, and confusion and despair
15:20set in.
15:22He was in severe shock, so he was just
15:23crying all the time. You'd come in and
15:26you'd say, "Oh, hi, I'm your son."
15:27"You're my son? I don't recognize you."
15:29And then he'd be crying again, and
15:31you're just stuck in that loop for
15:32months.
15:34I said, "Clive, can you
15:36tell me why you're crying?"
15:38And he said, "No."
15:40And I I handed him a little notepad and
15:42a pen, and I said,
15:44"Can you write it?" I said, "Just write
15:47quickly
15:48why you're crying." And he wrote,
15:51"I am completely incapable of thinking."
16:04I'm talking to you. It's Clive here. I
16:06don't care about anybody else in the
16:07world but you. Please, please come. Love
16:10you. Bye-bye, darling.
16:16These messages were recorded on
16:18Deborah's answering machine minutes
16:20after she'd left him.
16:21I love you. I love you. I love you,
16:22darling.
16:22Can Can you come and see me, please?
16:24I'm the clue what's happened that time.
16:26Deborah visited Clive daily, but he
16:28couldn't remember her being there.
16:31I don't care how late it is. Come for me
16:33at midnight or 1:00 in the morning. I
16:34don't mind. I just love you, and I want
16:37you to come as soon as you can, please,
16:38darling.
16:39Take care. I love you. I haven't seen
16:41you yet, and I want to. Please come,
16:42darling. Bye-bye.
16:49I let myself in.
16:58First time I've seen a human being.
17:04Every moment for Clive is the first
17:07moment because the amnesia is rubbing
17:10everything out immediately after it
17:13happens. Not only does he not remember
17:16anything that's happened to him since he
17:17was ill. He doesn't remember anything
17:21that's ever happened to him in the whole
17:23of his life.
17:25He knows about things. He knows that he
17:28worked for the BBC.
17:30But he does not
17:32have any events in his mind that he can
17:35bring to his mind's eye. He knows that
17:38we are married.
17:40He does not remember the wedding.
17:47Where's your diary, Mr. Wearing?
17:49No idea.
17:50Never seen it.
17:53It says 7:16 a.m. first actual. I don't
17:56remember that at all. I was on the
17:57train.
18:14First diary entry I've made consciously.
18:18Clive keeps a diary every day and has
18:21done for 20 years in an effort to make
18:23sense of his life.
18:25He writes multiple entries recording his
18:27last conscious moment.
18:30He would look at his watch to see what
18:33time was this momentous event occurring
18:37of first consciousness. And so he would
18:40write down 10:06 awake first time.
18:44And then
18:45have the same sensation and put 10:07.
18:49Awake first time, truly awake first
18:52time.
18:53Ignore the last entry. Now I'm awake.
18:56This is the first real awakeness. And so
18:59the the diaries are line by line a
19:02succession of astonished awakenings.
19:09That's 1990 when he'd been suffering
19:12amnesia
19:14for just 5 years.
19:16And this is the effect on him 7 years
19:20on, but you can see that he's by no
19:24means
19:25resolved his anguish. By no means. He
19:29writes the time now in big
19:32in a big hand. And a And a tick a tick
19:35to say yes, that's authentic. I I wrote
19:38that. It's authentic. That's definitely
19:39me awake. He has to then cross through
19:42the previous ticks and do a new tick
19:45with a circle round it to say this is
19:47the real one. And that wasn't the real
19:48one next time he comes back and so on.
19:51So there's a constant desperate series
19:54of scrubbing out all the previous
19:57entries and saying now I'm awake.
19:59Now I'm awake. And the the pencil just
20:02becomes
20:03blurred and it goes on and I mean it's
20:05so thick the pencil it's almost as if
20:07he's using the pencil to dig himself
20:10into back into time to try to fix
20:13himself in a continuum to have more than
20:16one moment at a time.
20:18But he never can.
20:21People's entries in the diary are
20:23rubbish. What does that mean?
20:24I've no idea.
20:25Did you write that?
20:26I've no conscious conscious knowledge of
20:27it at all.
20:28I was saying to you now for the first
20:29time.
20:30But it's Is it your handwriting?
20:31Yes, it is. But I know nothing about it
20:32at all.
20:33So how do you think it got there?
20:34I don't know.
20:36I presume the doctor did that.
20:37But you must
20:37No, I haven't. I haven't seen the book
20:39at all until now.
20:40No, I'm All I've said is
20:41me. That means I haven't seen it. I have
20:43no knowledge of it at all.
20:45That's all. There's no knowledge of that
20:46book at all. It's entirely new to me.
20:48But you put Who would put that in there?
20:49I don't know, but you have got No, no,
20:52oh for heaven's sake use your
20:52intelligence for heaven's sake. I
20:53haven't read this read a bloody thing.
20:55Well, use your intelligence.
21:04The The don't know why Clive's
21:06aggressive outbursts have gradually
21:08stopped.
21:11Have you written in your diary today?
21:13Sorry?
21:13Have you written in your diary today?
21:15I never seen a diary since I don't know.
21:17I don't know.
21:18No idea what today is.
21:20That's something new.
21:24That's at least an hour out of date, an
21:26hour and 3 minutes out of date.
21:42Yeah.
21:43First time I've seen my writing.
21:46First time I've seen my room, first time
21:48I've seen human beings.
21:52Do I have a dream or a thought? They are
21:54not the same.
21:56The thoughts of humankind.
22:03It says you're here.
22:06Is that you?
22:09It's your here. It says coffee, drinking
22:11it. 3 minutes past 10.
22:13That was unknown to me. I've never seen
22:15anyone except you three people, two men
22:17and one lady.
22:26Clive's condition was hard for Deborah
22:28to bear.
22:31You asked me when did I decide to
22:33divorce him and when did I decide to to
22:36leave?
22:37It wasn't really a decision, it was an
22:39imperative.
22:41There was no way any human being could
22:44continue in that way. We had the same
22:48dialogue in a loop tape, repeated
22:50verbatim, with the same inflection, the
22:53same tone of voice, the same expression
22:55on the face
22:57for
22:58well,
22:59nine
23:00the whole nine years until I left and we
23:02were still having that conversation as I
23:05was backing out of the room.
23:11Clive became ill and hospitalized only
23:1318 months after marrying Deborah.
23:163 years after the virus attacked his
23:18brain, the strain on their lives was
23:20beginning to show.
23:23It's like being a wife and widow
23:26simultaneously.
23:28I lost Clive almost of Clive 3 years
23:31ago.
23:33Because without consciousness,
23:35he's in many senses dead.
23:39To ease her pain, Deborah campaigned for
23:417 years to find Clive a secure and
23:43permanent home with around-the-clock
23:45care that he needed.
23:48In 1992, he was finally moved to a new
23:50specialist brain unit outside London.
23:55Deborah's mission was accomplished, but
23:57she had exhausted herself and Clive was
23:59increasingly having fits in her
24:01presence.
24:04With no hope of living together again,
24:06Deborah divorced Clive and flew to
24:08America.
24:11I was in my mid-30s. I wanted kids. I
24:14didn't want to be on my own all the
24:16time. It was very lonely and I thought
24:18maybe having a relationship with
24:20somebody else and having kids would help
24:22to heal the pain.
24:26I rang him up
24:28to say, "Hello, darling. I've arrived."
24:29Although of course he didn't know I'd
24:31left cuz he didn't know I'd ever been
24:32there. And it didn't really make any
24:34difference where I was. It didn't matter
24:35whether I was in London or New York or
24:37Timbuktu.
24:40I tended to fall for just completely
24:42impossible people. Uh who are all
24:45artists of some kind.
24:47And um as soon as I came
24:50became close to anybody had
24:52conversations with them, you know, the
24:54relationship just
24:56dissolved because
24:58uh
25:00they weren't Clive, basically.
25:05I was looking for Clive, I guess.
25:10Did he ever ask you when you were coming
25:11home?
25:12No.
25:13Did he ever ask you what you were doing?
25:16No.
25:17He showed no curiosity.
25:19He just wants to let me know that he was
25:21awake.
25:24He'd say Yeah, he'd say, "When are you
25:26coming?"
25:27And I'd say,
25:30"As soon as I can." And then he'd say,
25:33"Oh, please come at the speed of light.
25:35Come at the speed of light. Come by
25:37helicopter."
25:44In 1996, Deborah had to make a choice
25:47whether to remain in America and apply
25:49for permanent residency and a green
25:51card.
25:55She returned to the UK, drawn back to
25:57Clive.
25:59She settled in Nottingham, working for
26:01the brain injury charity Headway.
26:03Deborah had come full circle.
26:09And I came back still not knowing how to
26:11live, still with that huge emptiness, a
26:14great sucking emptiness inside that
26:16could never be filled.
26:18Still with a sense of needing to go
26:20home, but not have, you know, where's
26:22home?
26:23Cuz home was where he was, but I
26:24couldn't be with him.
26:34I was just going round and inevitably
26:36sing circles. It was the same. It was
26:38just more of the same.
26:40I'd reached really the end of my tether,
26:42and I rang a friend, and I asked her to
26:45pray for me.
26:46She was the only Christian I knew.
26:49And as she was whispering away to God.
26:51And I just felt this extraordinary
26:55power
26:56coming into me.
26:59And I knew that God was in my room.
27:03I just had this incredible sense
27:06that I was really really loved.
27:11I mean so loved. And that emptiness that
27:13I had been trying to fill all those
27:15years
27:17with relationships,
27:19with food,
27:20with alcohol,
27:22I was filled.
27:24That emptiness
27:25was gone.
27:37steps
27:41This is the Ethelred's place. It's an
27:43Ethelred's place.
27:48Clive is visiting St. Ethelred's Church
27:51in London for the first time since he
27:53recorded a concert there in 1982.
28:00It's amazing to have the acoustics of
28:02the churches is quite unlike that of a
28:04concert hall.
28:04Yeah. Yeah.
28:06There's lots of echoes and and long
28:08reverberation. It's very special in that
28:09way.
28:10Listen. See how quiet it is.
28:13I can hear some music in the distance.
28:16I remember last time we were here
28:19you were conducting the Lassus Requiem.
28:21All right.
28:22And it was for the the Lassus
28:25international Lassus Festival that you
28:28put on. And you you came in here
28:31and none of the pews were here. And you
28:33used the whole building.
28:35for the acoustics
28:36And you had uh
28:37it was far from a concert. It was
28:40actually a celebration
28:43of the mass
28:45as if Lassus had just died.
28:48It was extraordinary. And it was so
28:50moving that there were people here
28:53who were crying.
28:55And it was broadcast live
28:57to five countries.
28:59Divisions.
29:00And you were directing it.
29:02And it was so moving. It was so moving
29:04that everyone was in tears.
29:11That's how good you is how good a
29:13director you a musical a director you
29:15were. It was just live. And you gave the
29:19audience, whether they were sitting at
29:20home listening to the radio or whether
29:22they were walking around here in the
29:24dark with candle light flickering, you
29:26gave them an experience of
29:29something deep and profound and
29:31spiritual. And they went away after your
29:33concert and they were never the same
29:34again.
29:36You did, darling.
29:38I don't know
29:38if you can say that. I can't think that.
29:40Oh, you were marvelous.
29:42Yeah.
29:42You still are marvelous.
30:14See the car rather WCD fine wearing key.
30:18Extremely pleasant garage that came
30:19from.
30:20Clive makes phrases out of the letters
30:22on car number plates as they flash past.
30:25The great king of kings. Two double
30:27kings. This is really sad.
30:31Thank you, my love.
30:31Peace first forever.
30:33Thank you.
30:34Cheers. Cheers.
30:40Guess what my job is.
30:41Head of the United Nations.
30:43No.
30:43No. Head of the British Empire.
30:45Mhm.
30:45No.
30:46Guess.
30:47PR?
30:48PR?
30:49WOW, that's amazing.
30:52Yeah, I do.
30:54That's very clever.
30:58Well done, darling.
31:00I'll give you a kiss.
31:09You astound me. Sometimes you take my
31:11breath away.
31:13I know you didn't lose your breath.
31:16You're not to stop breathing now.
31:17No, I won't.
31:19Till God tells me to.
31:20Um
31:22Do you know what I do for a living?
31:24You earn money.
31:25Yeah. What do you think my job is?
31:27Running the United Nations.
31:28No, really. What do you think it is?
31:30Guess.
31:31Head of the United Na- No. British
31:33Empire.
31:33Guess.
31:35What can you see me doing?
31:39Being famous.
31:40Stop. No, really. Guess.
31:41I don't know.
31:42PR. Public relations.
31:44Oh, is she?
31:44Mhm. Well done.
31:47That's an exciting life, though, isn't
31:48it?
31:49No two days are the same, really. Always
31:51different down there.
31:59Deborah renewed her marriage vows with
32:01Clive 3 years ago, although they'll
32:03always have to live apart.
32:07What does this house mean to you?
32:10The opposite of walking in the open air.
32:13A necessity for life.
32:15This This house. What is it?
32:16seen it before.
32:21What does this place mean to
32:22I don't know. Doesn't mean anything.
32:23I've never seen it. Before.
32:27Hello.
32:29Hello is heaven though. Hello is very
32:31hello.
32:33It's not familiar then, the house. this
32:35I've never seen a human being since I
32:37was a little boy.
32:38Where do you think it is?
32:39No idea.
32:40Guess.
32:40year is it?
32:41Guess where it might be.
32:42It could be anywhere from Scotland to
32:44Cornwall.
32:44Do you think there's anyone that
32:47Do you think you've ever been here
32:48before?
32:48No.
32:53There's my initials backwards, WDC.
32:56Should we go in?
32:56Please.
32:57What do you think we'll find when we get
32:58in?
32:59Alcohol.
33:01Let's hope, eh?
33:03Champagne, I want really.
33:05What do you think life's been like for
33:07your father?
33:08Hell.
33:09I can't imagine anything worse.
33:13Must be really frightening
33:16to be constantly waking up to something
33:18that you don't recognize
33:21you
33:22every 7 seconds or however however long
33:25that he's
33:27he can remember anything for to to sort
33:29of turn around and
33:31where am I? And you do it again and you
33:33don't know where you are. I can't
33:35imagine anything more frightening.
33:37Must be like a nightmare.
33:40Really must.
34:06Deborah is planning a momentous trip for
34:08Clive.
34:11Where would you Where would you like to
34:12go?
34:13Best pub in the country.
34:13If you could go anywhere, where would
34:15you like to go?
34:15No idea. No idea.
34:16Well, I'm going to take you home.
34:19No, I see you tomorrow. I'll see you.
34:20Do you know where home is?
34:21No.
34:22Guess.
34:23Uh yesterday.
34:25Home is yesterday.
34:27Yes, it was yesterday.
34:28That's That's not a bad answer,
34:30actually. Home is yesterday.
34:32That's true.
34:33Yesterday never saw me.
34:34And Tom is also next Tuesday.
34:35Oh, I see.
34:37We're going
34:38I live in Reading.
34:39Oh, I see.
34:40You have a
34:41It looks like reading where it's
34:42spelled, isn't it?
34:43Do you think you've ever been to
34:44Reading?
34:44Yes, I have been there.
34:45Have you?
34:46Yes. I've been driving ever since he was
34:48never there.
34:49you could have gone when Howard was
34:50studying there.
34:52Yeah, I didn't know you'd ever been
34:53there.
34:53Yes, I have been.
34:54mentioned Reading.
34:55No, it's not it's not very interesting
34:57because I have a memory of going there.
34:58Yeah, not a very interesting
35:00No.
35:00No.
35:06Can you name a town in Berkshire?
35:07No, I can't. I can't remember the dog
35:09[ __ ] town.
35:09know where I live?
35:10No.
35:12Guess.
35:13No idea.
35:14It begins with a R.
35:15No idea.
35:16Reading.
35:16Oh, Reading?
35:17Yeah.
35:18Spelt wrong. It's really Reading.
35:22What's that word?
35:23King of notes.
35:23Clive is going home for the first time
35:26in 13 years.
35:28Do you remember the car your parents
35:30drove? Your father drove?
35:31No, I can't remember. It was a Ford.
35:33Do you remember the number plate?
35:34You want 941?
35:36E O N 941? You do?
35:38I can't remember the car.
35:39Do you remember the phone number when
35:41you were a little boy?
35:41Phone was 3164.
35:43Yeah.
35:46Remarkably, Clive can still recall
35:48details from his childhood. Numbers
35:51embedded in his memory before he became
35:53ill.
35:57There's another guest expected for
35:59lunch. Clive's youngest son, Edmund, who
36:02has not seen his father for 7 years.
36:05Things that I used to do with my father
36:08um always revolved around his work.
36:10It was we'd be either going to see going
36:14to places such as the British Museum for
36:15his research, or we'd be going to
36:18concert venues or recording venues. Uh
36:21we would often end up in churches. And
36:23he could walk into a church or a
36:25cathedral anywhere in Europe and read it
36:27like a book.
36:28He had a vast amount of knowledge and
36:31that's just been
36:32wiped out.
36:33It It's been a difficult time.
36:41Seconds before Edmund's arrival, Deborah
36:43has primed Clive to expect him.
36:46Ah,
36:48there he is, darling. Hello.
36:51Oh.
36:52Oh, well done.
36:53Hello.
36:54How are you?
36:55Yeah. May I be the first to see a human
36:57being for the first time?
36:58Ah, you've never seen anyone since I've
36:59been here.
37:00I brought some flowers for that lovely
37:01wife of yours.
37:02She's gorgeous.
37:07Thank you.
37:08It's not quite red, white, and blue,
37:09though, the color, is it?
37:10They're lovely.
37:11They're more pinky.
37:12Those countries don't have pubs. It's a
37:14strange situation.
37:15What does normality feel like to you
37:17now?
37:18Certainly at the end of the day, it's
37:19Great luxury. Something that, you know,
37:23to be really
37:24values and appreciates. It's very
37:26precious.
37:27We haven't had a family meal in 20
37:30years.
37:37Deborah, what will this day mean to
37:38Clive?
37:40Nothing.
37:42Nothing in his conscious memory. I mean,
37:44even while he's here, he doesn't know
37:46we're here.
37:47And when he's in the car, he won't know
37:49we've been here.
37:50And he won't remember anything of it?
37:52Nope.
37:53He doesn't remember anything that's ever
37:54happened in the last 20 years, ever.
37:57What do you say to Clive when he gets
37:59confused and disorientated? How do you
38:01deal with that?
38:02Well, he's disoriented all the time.
38:05But it doesn't matter
38:07because we don't need to be in time. We
38:09don't need to be in any particular
38:11place.
38:12Cuz we're We're in We're on another
38:13plane, Clive and I.
38:16We're um
38:17We're in a world where um there is no
38:19time.
38:21After 4 hours, Deborah has to take Clive
38:24back to the brain injury unit.
38:26Has it gone well?
38:29Um
38:32I don't really want to answer that.
38:33Thank you.
38:43Sorry.
38:44That was baby.
38:46That was really me.
38:47Um
38:49That was really me.
38:52I was just wondering how the day had
38:53been.
38:55Um
39:01Well, it's just so sad that it's not,
39:03you know, that's not our reality. And
39:05it's just so sad.
39:18And why have you stayed away for 7
39:20years?
39:21It's too painful.
39:24Was it easier to stay away?
39:26Oh, yeah.
39:27Yeah, it was the easy way out.
39:32There didn't seem any point, either, cuz
39:33he didn't remember.
39:35He'd write it in his diary, but he'd
39:37turn over the page and start writing the
39:38next day.
39:40Um
39:41Did he know who you were?
39:43Uh more or less. He needed to Sometimes
39:45he'd need a bit of prompting.
39:48He's got a quick mind. If friends came
39:51up that he didn't recognize,
39:52um and he understood that he was
39:55supposed to recognize these people,
39:57then
39:58he would greet them like long-lost
40:00friends, and he'd he'd work on on that
40:03until somebody told him what he needed
40:05to know.
40:06Um so, he he was always a difficult man
40:08to fool,
40:09you know? And those were the things, you
40:11know, that I was always pleased to see,
40:13because I knew that his mind was working
40:15overtime, and I knew that that was him.
40:19I mean that is just
40:20a shadow.
40:31Today, Clive's sister Adele has come to
40:33see him.
40:40And I used to take the children to see
40:41him, but he used to get very aggressive.
40:43He was very angry. You know, there was
40:46one occasion when I went to see him on
40:47my own and he he just when I said who I
40:49was, he he
40:51attacked me.
40:52Almost, you know, grabbed hold of me
40:55very aggressively.
40:56And the staff came in and sort of calmed
40:59it down.
41:00But he'd remember me when I was younger.
41:02He just said, "No, you know, you're too
41:04old."
41:05And that's all the four of us, isn't it?
41:06That's That's what That's what Adele
41:08looked like when she How old do you
41:10think you all were then?
41:1210 or 11.
41:13I I think I'm about four there,
41:14actually.
41:15About four?
41:15Yeah, so you were about nine or 10
41:17there.
41:17Yeah.
41:18And how
41:19looked ignored compared with us.
41:20And he went off to sea when he was 15,
41:22didn't he?
41:22Yeah, so he went to the Merchant Navy.
41:24Yeah, but the ships traveled really
41:26quite slowly compared with the aircraft,
41:27didn't they?
41:28Oh, very slowly. Yes. I I used to go and
41:30visit him. Just found it just so
41:32difficult.
41:33Um
41:35and and not easy to talk to him at all.
41:38My husband who'd got no connection with
41:40him found it much easier. He could talk
41:42about things that were totally
41:44irrelevant and could happily carry on a
41:46conversation with him, but I have always
41:48found that extremely difficult thing to
41:50do.
41:51Aw, shame.
41:52It's been lovely to see you.
41:54I wasn't sure if I'd see you or you'd
41:55see me.
41:56Yeah.
41:57I've seen you.
41:58All right.
41:58Oh, wonderful.
41:59Bye-bye for now.
42:00All right.
42:03You stay there and I'll
42:04You open the door.
42:05I will.
42:06You going?
42:07I'm going.
42:07Aw, shame.
42:09Bye-bye.
42:09Back at the speed of light, please.
42:11I'll do my best, but
42:14Isn't she wonderful?
42:20Do you remember Adele sitting next to
42:22you?
42:22No.
42:23No.
42:24Can you remember what she was wearing?
42:26No.
42:27Never seen that.
42:34You're the first human beings I've seen,
42:35three of you.
42:37Two men and one lady, the first piece of
42:38people I've seen since I've been here.
42:41No difference in day and night. No
42:43thoughts at all. No dreams.
42:45Day and night, the same blank.
42:48It's just like death.
42:52Is it very hard?
42:54No.
42:55It's exactly the same as being dead,
42:56which is not difficult, is it?
42:58Being dead is easy.
43:00You don't do anything at all.
43:03You can't do anything when you're dead.
43:07It's been the same.
43:09Exactly.
43:11Do you miss your old life?
43:13Yes.
43:14I've never been conscious to think that.
43:17So, I've never been bored or upset.
43:19Never been anything at all. It's exactly
43:21the same as death.
43:23No dreams, even. Day and night, the
43:25same.
43:28When you miss your old life, you say
43:29yes, I miss my old life. What do you
43:32miss?
43:33The fact that I was a musician
43:36and in love.
43:38He'll say things like, "Do you know what
43:40it's like?" And that's really dangerous,
43:41cuz if you I actually did, I said yes at
43:43once, cuz I was just saying yes to
43:45everything.
43:46That was disastrous.
43:48I've never said that again since.
43:50Why?
43:52Because he says, "You don't know what
43:53it's like. How do you know?" Of course,
43:55he's right, isn't he?
43:56You know, so there's no way you're going
43:57to know what it's like.
43:59Um
44:00So, he's still got some fight in him.
44:01Oh, yeah. Yeah, but that that's the
44:03thing is
44:04probably three quarters of his
44:06personality is still there functioning
44:08normally. He would analyze what's
44:10happening. He'd say, "Well, the doctors
44:11must be very interested in this. You
44:12know, it's a very unusual case." He
44:14worked it all out over and over again
44:16because he doesn't really remember that
44:17he worked it out an hour ago.
44:36David's done more for Dad than any other
44:38single person.
44:40And I very much doubt
44:43that I could have done that for him.
44:46And that's hard.
44:49That's very hard.
44:51I think I'd have given up.
44:55When did you last see your father?
44:57I wouldn't like to say when it was cuz I
44:58really can't remember.
45:00It's too hard.
45:04I wanted him to walk me down the aisle
45:05when I got married.
45:07And he couldn't.
45:11I wanted him to
45:14know that I'd had his grandchildren. And
45:16he couldn't.
45:19So, he's he's
45:21a lovely person.
45:27He's he's Clive now.
45:31That's gone.
45:49Considering
45:50he's still one of the most amnesiac
45:52people in the world,
45:53he's pretty peaceful. Considering
45:57he doesn't know where he is or what
45:58century it is,
46:00or where Well, what time he got up that
46:03morning, or or that he's in a place
46:06where he lives.
46:08Considering all of that, his state of
46:11mind is extraordinarily
46:13calm, happy,
46:15content,
46:18and very much himself. He's himself.
46:23If you could do anything now,
46:26if you had free choice, what would you
46:27do next?
46:29I would jump
46:30Tony Hancock.
46:33I would have a cigarette.
46:36And then, of course, waiting for time to
46:38elude and disappear.
46:41And her arrival.

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