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The Law of Detachment: Stop Holding On and Life Comes Back to You (Lao Tzu) — Transcript

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0:00Whoever forces it, ruins it.
0:02Whoever grasps it,
0:03>> [music]
0:04>> loses it.
0:05Therefore, the sage does not force, and
0:08so does not ruin.
0:10He does not grasp, and so does [music]
0:12not lose.
0:14Lao Tzu
0:16These words [music] from the 64th
0:18chapter of the Tao Te Ching contain
0:20one of the most liberating truths ever
0:22written. Think about the things you are
0:25holding on to most tightly [music] right
0:26now.
0:28Perhaps a relationship you fear losing,
0:31a job you cling to out of fear,
0:34a plan that must go exactly as you
0:36imagined,
0:37an old hurt [music] you cannot release,
0:40or simply a version of your life that
0:42you are desperately trying to keep
0:43[music] from changing even as time moves
0:46forward around you. Now, notice how that
0:49holding feels.
0:51Tight, anxious, exhausting.
0:54Many people spend their entire lives
0:57gripping everything they value,
0:58terrified that if they loosen their
1:00hands for even a moment, it will all
1:03slip away. [music]
1:05And yet, strangely, the tighter they
1:07hold, the faster things seem to escape.
1:11Imagine holding a handful [music] of
1:12sand.
1:14When you hold it gently in an open palm,
1:16it stays.
1:18But when you squeeze it tightly, it
1:20pours out [music] between your fingers.
1:23The harder you squeeze, the more you
1:25lose.
1:26This simple image captures the essence
1:28of what we might call the law of
1:30detachment,
1:32a principle [music] as old as the Tao
1:34itself. Lao Tzu understood this law
1:37deeply.
1:38Whoever [music] grasps it, loses it.
1:41This was not a pessimistic warning.
1:44It was a description of how life
1:46actually works.
1:48Grasping creates [music] tension, fear,
1:50and resistance.
1:52And these push away
1:54the very things we most want to keep.
1:56Release, on the other hand, creates
1:58space for life to return. It is
2:00important to understand what detachment
2:03does [music] not mean.
2:04It does not mean becoming cold,
2:06indifferent, or uncaring.
2:09The Taoist sages loved life deeply.
2:13They cherished nature, friendship,
2:15>> [music]
2:15>> and the simple joys of existence.
2:18Detachment means loving without
2:20clutching,
2:21caring without controlling, and enjoying
2:24without demanding that things never
2:26change.
2:27>> [music]
2:27>> Today, we will explore seven lessons of
2:30the law of detachment from Laozi,
2:32>> [music]
2:32>> Zhuangzi, and the Taoist classics.
2:36Each lesson comes with an ancient story,
2:39a modern psychological insight, and a
2:41simple practice.
2:43Together,
2:44they reveal
2:46why letting go [music] is not losing,
2:48but often
2:50the very thing that allows life to come
2:52back to you. As you listen,
2:55notice which of your attachments come to
2:57mind.
2:59You do not need to release everything at
3:01once.
3:02That would simply be another form of
3:04forcing.
3:06Instead,
3:07let these teachings gently loosen your
3:09grip, one finger at a time,
3:12until you discover how much lighter life
3:15can feel with open hands. And if you are
3:17holding on to something painful
3:20right now,
3:21>> [music]
3:21>> something you are not ready to release,
3:23that is okay.
3:25Detachment cannot be rushed.
3:28These teachings are not commands.
3:30They are invitations, waiting patiently
3:33until your heart is ready to receive
3:35them in its own time. Even simply
3:38listening is a first step. Lesson one.
3:42What you grasp, you lose.
3:45In chapter 44,
3:47Laozi writes that excessive love of
3:49things leads [music] to great expense,
3:51and that much hoarding leads to heavy
3:53loss.
3:55The more we cling to possessions,
3:56status, and security, [music]
3:59the more we have to lose,
4:00and the more we suffer
4:03when life inevitably takes something
4:05away. Grasping also distorts how we see
4:08things.
4:10Once [music] something becomes ours, we
4:12often value it far more than it is truly
4:14[music] worth.
4:16Simply because we possess it.
4:18Our attachment inflates its importance,
4:20making it [music] harder and harder to
4:22release.
4:24Even when letting go would clearly be
4:25better for us.
4:27And everyone around us can see it.
4:29Economists Daniel [music] Kahneman, Jack
4:32Knetsch, and Richard Thaler demonstrated
4:35this in a famous 1990 study.
4:38They gave some participants [music]
4:40ordinary coffee mugs
4:42while others received nothing.
4:44When the mug owners were asked how much
4:46they [music] would sell their mug for
4:48they demanded roughly twice as much as
4:50others were willing to pay for the same
4:53mug. The researchers [music] called this
4:55the endowment effect.
4:57Simply owning something
4:59even for a few minutes
5:01made people value it more and become
5:03[music] reluctant to let it go.
5:06If a simple coffee mug can create this
5:08kind of attachment
5:10imagine how tightly we cling to our
5:12relationships, identities, plans, and
5:14beliefs. This is why grasping [music]
5:17leads to loss.
5:19When we overvalue what we hold, we often
5:22miss better opportunities.
5:24We stay in situations long after they
5:26stop serving us.
5:28We defend outdated beliefs because they
5:30are ours.
5:32We keep squeezing the sand, unable to
5:34see that our own grip
5:36>> [music]
5:36>> is causing it to slip away between our
5:38fingers. Lao Tzu's sage does [music] not
5:40grasp and therefore does not lose.
5:45This does not mean he owns nothing.
5:47It means he holds things lightly.
5:50Appreciating them without inflating
5:52their importance.
5:54When something must go
5:56he can let it go without being shattered
5:59because his peace was never built on
6:01clutching it. So, begin noticing
6:05where the endowment effect operates in
6:06your own life.
6:08What are you holding on to simply
6:10because it is yours?
6:12Possessions you never use.
6:14Commitments that no longer fit.
6:17Opinions you defend out [music] of
6:18habit.
6:20Choose one small thing this week and
6:22practice releasing it with gratitude.
6:25Noticing the lightness that follows.
6:27Lesson two.
6:29Hide the world in the world.
6:31The Zhuangzi offers an unforgettable
6:33image.
6:34You hide your boat in a deep ravine and
6:36your fishing net in a marsh
6:39and you believe they are safe.
6:41But in the middle of the night, a strong
6:43man comes,
6:44lifts them onto his back and carries
6:46them away
6:48and you never even notice. Zhuangzi
6:50continues that hiding small things
6:54in larger places seems wise,
6:56yet things can still be lost.
6:59But if you hide the world
7:02in the [music] world,
7:03there is nowhere for anything to be
7:05lost.
7:06This is the ultimate security.
7:09Not clutching things in our private
7:10hiding places,
7:12but recognizing that everything already
7:14belongs to the great whole. Most of us
7:16spend our lives hiding boats in ravines.
7:20We try to secure our happiness by
7:22locking it away,
7:23protecting it from change, guarding it
7:25against every possible threat.
7:28But no hiding place is ever truly safe.
7:32Time, change, and circumstance
7:36are the strong man who comes in the
7:38night, quietly carrying away whatever we
7:40thought was secure.
7:42The only real security,
7:44Zhuangzi suggests,
7:46is to stop trying to hide things from
7:48life altogether.
7:51When you understand [music]
7:52that everything you love is part of the
7:54great flow of the Tao,
7:56you no longer need to guard it so
7:58desperately.
8:00It cannot [music] be lost because it was
8:02never separate from the whole to begin
8:04with. Modern psychologists
8:06>> [music]
8:06>> have begun studying this quality
8:08directly.
8:10In 2010,
8:12researchers Baljinder Sahdra, Phillip
8:14Shaver, and Kirk Warren Brown published
8:17a non-attachment scale
8:20measuring the ability to relate to
8:22[music] experiences without clinging to
8:24them or pushing them away. They found
8:26that non-attachment was associated
8:28[music] with greater well-being and life
8:30satisfaction. People higher
8:33in non-attachment also tended to report
8:36less anxiety and greater kindness toward
8:38others. [music]
8:40In other words,
8:41releasing the grip did not make people
8:43cold or disconnected.
8:45It seemed to free them to engage more
8:47[music] generously with life
8:50because they were no longer busy
8:52guarding their boats in the ravine.
8:54Hiding the world in the world is a
8:56profound shift in perspective.
8:59Instead of thinking,
9:01"This is mine
9:02>> [music]
9:02>> and I must protect it." you begin to
9:04think,
9:06"This is part of life
9:07and I [music] am grateful to share in it
9:09for a while."
9:11The grip loosens, fear softens,
9:14and peace begins to flow in
9:16like water filling a space that was once
9:18clenched [music] shut. So, practice
9:21seeing what you love
9:23as part of the great whole.
9:25When you feel anxious about losing
9:27something,
9:28remind yourself gently,
9:30"This is part of the flow of life.
9:33I am grateful to hold it now
9:36like a river passing through your hands.
9:38Let it be precious without needing it to
9:41stay forever unchanged." Lesson three,
9:45hold people with open hands.
9:48In chapter 10, Lao Tzu describes what he
9:50calls mysterious virtue.
9:53Giving life [music] and nourishing it,
9:56having yet not possessing,
9:58acting [music] yet not demanding
10:00results,
10:01guiding yet not controlling.
10:04This is one [music] of the most
10:05beautiful descriptions of healthy love
10:08ever written. Notice that Lao Tzu does
10:11not say [music] we should stop loving,
10:13nourishing, or guiding others.
10:16He says we should do all of these things
10:18without possessing [music] or
10:19controlling.
10:21The parent raises the child
10:23but does not own the child.
10:26The partner loves the beloved but does
10:28not imprison them. Love flows freely
10:31without chains. Yet many of us hold the
10:34people we love with clenched fists.
10:37We try to control their choices, monitor
10:39their every move, and shape them into
10:41who we think they should be.
10:44We call this love,
10:45>> [music]
10:45>> but often it is fear disguised as care.
10:49And like sand squeezed too tightly,
10:52people begin slipping away. Research on
10:54parenting offers
10:57a clear example.
10:59In a 2014 study,
11:01psychologist Holly Schiffrin and her
11:03colleagues surveyed college students
11:05about their parents' behavior.
11:07Students who reported highly
11:09controlling, over-involved parenting,
11:12sometimes called helicopter parenting,
11:15tended to report higher levels of
11:16depression and lower satisfaction with
11:18life. The researchers found that this
11:21seemed connected to students feeling
11:23less autonomous and less competent.
11:26Their parents had meant well,
11:28trying their best to protect and guide
11:30them through every challenge.
11:33But by holding too tightly,
11:35they had unintentionally [music]
11:36weakened the very independence and
11:38confidence
11:39that would help their children thrive.
11:41The same pattern appears in many
11:43relationships.
11:45When we grip too tightly, others feel
11:48smothered and begin to pull away.
11:50When we hold them with open hands,
11:53trusting them to grow in their own way,
11:56they often draw [music] closer because
11:58freedom itself is a powerful form of
12:01love. People return to those who let
12:03them breathe. Holding with open hands
12:06does not mean abandoning responsibility
12:09or accepting harmful behavior.
12:12Parents still guide.
12:14Partners [music] still communicate
12:16needs.
12:17Friends still speak honestly.
12:20The difference [music] is that guidance
12:21is offered without domination.
12:24And love is given without ownership.
12:26Mysterious [music] virtue nourishes
12:28without possessing, guiding gently while
12:31leaving the other person free to become
12:33who they truly are. So, notice where you
12:36may be holding someone too tightly.
12:39A child you want to control.
12:41A partner you fear losing.
12:43A friend you expect to always agree with
12:46you.
12:47Practice loosening your grip, offering
12:49trust [music] instead of surveillance,
12:52support instead of control.
12:55Watch how relationships begin to breathe
12:57[music] and often grow closer than
12:59before.
13:00Built on trust rather than fear. Lesson
13:03four.
13:04Clinging too tightly pushes life away.
13:07[music]
13:08In chapter 50,
13:10Lao Tzu makes a striking observation.
13:13Among people, he says, some are
13:15companions of life,
13:17some are companions of death,
13:19and some move toward death through their
13:21very efforts to live.
13:23Why?
13:24Because they cling to life too
13:26intensely. This is one of the most
13:28paradoxical teachings [music] in the Tao
13:30Te Ching.
13:32Clinging too desperately to something
13:34can actually harm it.
13:36The person who is terrified [music] of
13:38failure
13:39often freezes and fails.
13:42The person desperate for [music] love
13:44often pushes love away.
13:46The person obsessed with security
13:49often lives in constant insecurity,
13:50[music]
13:51never able to rest in what they already
13:53have. One of the [music] clearest places
13:56we see
13:57this is with goals.
13:59Many people cling to goals
14:02long after they have become unreachable
14:04or harmful.
14:05They keep pushing, keep hoping,
14:08keep sacrificing,
14:09unable to let go
14:11even when every sign tells them it is
14:13time to change direction.
14:15Their clinging becomes a slow drain on
14:18their life. Psychologist Carsten Rosch
14:22and his colleagues have studied what
14:23happens when people let go of
14:25unattainable goals.
14:28In a 2003 study,
14:30they found that people who were better
14:31at disengaging from goals that had
14:33become unreachable
14:36tended to report greater well-being,
14:38especially when they were able to
14:40re-engage with new, meaningful goals. In
14:43later research,
14:45Rosch and his colleagues [music]
14:46found that better goal
14:48disengagement was associated with
14:50healthier patterns of the stress hormone
14:53cortisol
14:54and fewer physical health problems in
14:56some groups.
14:58Letting go of the unreachable
14:59>> [music]
15:00>> was not defeat.
15:02It freed energy that could flow toward
15:04goals that could actually be achieved.
15:06This is Lao Tzu's teaching in modern
15:08form.
15:10Clinging too intensely can move us
15:12toward the very things we fear,
15:15but release allows life to flow again.
15:18When one door closes and we stop
15:20pounding on it,
15:22we finally turn around and notice the
15:24other doors
15:25>> [music]
15:25>> that have been open all along. Detaching
15:28from a goal does not mean giving up on
15:30your dreams.
15:32It means holding your dreams flexibly,
15:35ready to adjust when life shows you
15:37[music] a different path.
15:39The river does not stop flowing when it
15:41meets a mountain.
15:43It simply finds another way around,
15:45>> [music]
15:45>> still moving toward the sea,
15:48patient and unstoppable. So, look
15:51[music] honestly at the goals you are
15:53clinging to.
15:54Is there one that has become unreachable
15:57or that is costing you more than it
15:59gives?
16:00Consider whether it is time to [music]
16:01release it and ask, "What new goal could
16:04I pour this energy into instead?"
16:08Letting go of one path
16:10often reveals another
16:12better suited [music] to who you have
16:13become. Lesson five,
16:15release imagined losses.
16:19The Liezi, another classic of Taoist
16:21thought, [music]
16:22tells of a man in the state of Chi
16:25who was terrified that the sky might
16:27fall down
16:28and the earth might collapse beneath
16:30him.
16:32He became so worried that he could not
16:34eat or sleep, consumed by fear of a
16:36disaster [music] that never came.
16:39While life passed by unnoticed, a friend
16:42who felt sorry for him
16:44came to explain that the sky was simply
16:47gathered air
16:48and the earth was solid ground in every
16:51direction.
16:52There was no [music] need to fear their
16:54collapse.
16:56Hearing this, the man was greatly
16:58relieved.
16:59And so was his friend.
17:02This story gave rise to a famous Chinese
17:04expression for needless worry. Many of
17:07our attachments are fueled not by what
17:09we have, but by our fear of losing it.
17:13We imagine terrible scenarios.
17:15What if this relationship ends?
17:18What if I lose this job?
17:20What if everything falls apart? And like
17:23the man [music] of Chi, we exhaust
17:25ourselves holding up a sky that was
17:27never going to fall. Research suggests
17:29[music]
17:30we often overestimate how devastating
17:33losses will be.
17:34In a 2008 study, psychologist Paul
17:38Eastwick and his colleagues followed
17:39dating couples over time.
17:42People predicted how [music] distressed
17:43they would feel if their relationship
17:45ended. When breakups actually happened,
17:48their distress was generally less
17:50intense than they had predicted. This
17:52does not mean losses do not hurt. They
17:55do.
17:57But our minds tend to imagine them as
17:59more unbearable than they usually turn
18:01out to be.
18:03We underestimate our own resilience, the
18:06healing power of time,
18:08and the new possibilities
18:09>> [music]
18:09>> that often emerge after an ending. When
18:12we realize this, our grip naturally
18:14[music]
18:15loosens.
18:16We stop holding on to things out of
18:18terror.
18:19We can still value what we have,
18:22but without the [music] constant fear
18:23that losing it would destroy us.
18:27Like the man of Qi,
18:29learning the sky will not fall, we can
18:31finally eat, sleep, and live in peace,
18:35enjoying what we have
18:37instead of dreading its loss. So, when
18:40fear of loss makes you grip tighter,
18:43pause and ask, is the sky really
18:45falling?
18:47Remember past losses you feared and how
18:50you actually survived them.
18:52Trust that you are more resilient than
18:53your fear suggest.
18:56Release the imagined disaster and return
18:58to appreciating what is here, right now,
19:01>> [music]
19:01>> in this very moment. Lesson six,
19:05detach from the outcome.
19:07The Zhuangzi mentions Zhao Wen,
19:09a famous lute player [music] of ancient
19:11China.
19:13When Zhao Wen plays his lute, Zhuangzi
19:15says,
19:16>> [music]
19:16>> there is completion and there is loss.
19:20When Zhao Wen does not play his lute,
19:21[music]
19:22there is neither completion nor loss.
19:25This short passage is often understood
19:27as a reflection [music] on how every
19:29action creates distinctions.
19:32When Zhao Wen plays one note, he cannot
19:34play all the others.
19:36Every choice [music] brings something
19:37into being and let's something else go.
19:41We cannot control every outcome.
19:44We can only play our [music] note fully
19:46and release the rest. Many people are so
19:49attached to outcomes that they can
19:51barely [music] act.
19:53They want guaranteed success before they
19:55begin.
19:57They obsess over [music] results,
19:59imagining the perfect ending while
20:01neglecting the actual process
20:03>> [music]
20:03>> that leads there.
20:05And ironically,
20:07this obsession with outcomes often makes
20:10good outcomes less likely. In a
20:12fascinating 1999 study, psychologists
20:16Lien Pham and Shelley E. Taylor
20:20asked students [music] preparing for an
20:21exam to visualize different things.
20:24Some imagine the outcome, seeing
20:26themselves receiving a high grade
20:28[music] and feeling the joy of success.
20:31Others imagine the process, seeing
20:34themselves studying effectively, [music]
20:35step by step,
20:37reading, reviewing, and preparing each
20:39[music] day. Students who visualize the
20:42process
20:43studied more,
20:44>> [music]
20:44>> felt less anxious, and performed better
20:48on the exam than those who visualized
20:50the outcome.
20:51Focusing on the desired result did not
20:53help much.
20:55Focusing on the present steps made the
20:57real difference.
20:59Detaching from the outcome
21:01freed their energy for the work itself.
21:04This is the Taoist approach to action.
21:07Like Jiao Wen playing his lute, give
21:10your full attention to the note you are
21:12playing now.
21:13Do your work with care, then release
21:15[music] your grip on the result.
21:18The outcome is shaped by many forces
21:20beyond your control.
21:22Your part is simply to play well,
21:25one note at a time.
21:26>> [music]
21:26>> So, before starting
21:29any important task, shift your focus
21:31from what [music] you want to happen
21:34to what you can do right now.
21:36Instead of imagining success, imagine
21:39the next [music] small step.
21:41Then, take it.
21:43When anxiety about results arises,
21:46gently return your attention to the note
21:48you are playing and let the music
21:50unfold. Lesson seven.
21:52Do not be owned by what you receive.
21:56The Zhuangzi tells of a time
21:59when Liezi was living in poverty, often
22:01looking hungry.
22:04Someone told the Prime Minister of Jung
22:06that it would reflect badly on him if a
22:08man of the way was allowed to starve in
22:10his state. So, the minister sent Liezi a
22:13gift of grain. Liezi bowed twice and
22:16politely refused.
22:19When the messenger left, his wife beat
22:21her chest in frustration.
22:24"We are starving," she cried.
22:26"And when the Prime Minister sends us
22:28food, you refuse it?"
22:31Liezzi smiled [music] calmly and
22:33explained his reasoning,
22:34which would soon prove to be remarkably
22:36wise.
22:38"Far wiser than his wife could have
22:40imagined in that moment. The Minister
22:42does not know me himself," [music]
22:44Liezzi said.
22:46"He sent grain only because someone told
22:48him to.
22:50One day, [music] he might punish me just
22:52as easily because someone told him to."
22:56Not long after,
22:57>> [music]
22:57>> the people rebelled
22:59and the Prime Minister was killed.
23:02Liezzi had avoided being bound to him
23:04and to his downfall. This story reveals
23:07a hidden side of attachment.
23:09Sometimes, what we receive comes with
23:12invisible strings.
23:14Gifts that create obligations,
23:17possessions that demand constant care,
23:20positions that bind [music] us to
23:21others' fortunes.
23:23The more we accept without thinking,
23:26the more we can become owned by what was
23:28supposed to belong [music] to us.
23:30Research on happiness offers a related
23:33insight.
23:34In a 2003 study, psychologists [music]
23:37Leaf Van Boven and Thomas Gilovich
23:40found that people tended to feel happier
23:42about experiential purchases, like
23:45travel or concerts, than about material
23:47[music] purchases, like clothing or
23:49gadgets. Experiences seem to bring more
23:52lasting satisfaction. Part of the reason
23:55may be that experiences cannot be
23:57possessed in [music] the same way as
23:59objects.
24:01You cannot lock a sunset in a drawer.
24:03You can only enjoy it and let it pass.
24:07Experiences teach us detachment [music]
24:09naturally.
24:11They remind us that the richest moments
24:13of life are often the ones we cannot
24:15hold on to. This [music] does not mean
24:18rejecting every gift or possession.
24:22Liezzi was not against kindness. [music]
24:25He was simply wise about what came with
24:27it.
24:29The lesson is to notice the strings
24:31attached to what we accept
24:33and to choose freedom over comfort
24:36when the price of comfort is our
24:38independence. So, before acquiring
24:40something new, ask, "Will I own this or
24:44will it own me?"
24:45Notice which possessions require more
24:47care than they return in joy.
24:50Consider investing more
24:52in experiences, connections,
24:54>> [music]
24:54>> and moments rather than things.
24:57And remember Liazi who chose poverty
24:59with [music] freedom over comfort with
25:01chains
25:02and never regretted it. Now, let us
25:04bring these [music] seven lessons
25:06together.
25:07What you grasp, you lose.
25:10Hide the world in the world.
25:12Hold people with open hands.
25:14Clinging too tightly pushes life away.
25:17Release imagined losses.
25:19Detach from the outcome
25:21and do not be owned by what you receive.
25:24Seven doorways all opening onto the same
25:27freedom. Each lesson points to the same
25:29truth.
25:31Grasping creates tension, fear, and
25:34loss.
25:35Release creates space, peace, and
25:38return.
25:40This is the law of detachment.
25:43When you stop squeezing the sand, it
25:45stays in your hand.
25:47When you stop chasing life,
25:49it often [music] comes back to you. Why
25:51does life come back when we let go?
25:54Because letting go removes the
25:55resistance that was pushing things away.
25:59People feel free around you,
26:01so they draw closer.
26:03Opportunities are no longer blocked by
26:06your desperation.
26:08Your energy returns to the present
26:10where life actually happens.
26:13Then peace [music] fills the space where
26:14fear used to live. Detachment is not a
26:17single decision.
26:19It is a practice repeated gently every
26:21day.
26:22You will notice yourself grasping
26:24>> [music]
26:24>> again and again.
26:26Each time, simply notice, breathe, and
26:29loosen your grip a little.
26:31Over time, open hands become your
26:34natural state,
26:35and clutching becomes the exception.
26:38Like a muscle that finally learns how to
26:40relax. To begin, choose one lesson that
26:43speaks [music] to you most.
26:46Perhaps releasing a possession,
26:48loosening your grip on a relationship,
26:50[music]
26:51or letting go of an unreachable goal.
26:54Practice it gently for a week.
26:57Notice how [music] it feels and what
26:59begins to return when you stop holding
27:01on so tightly. In the first weeks,
27:05letting go may feel frightening.
27:08Your mind may insist that if you release
27:10your grip,
27:12everything will fall apart.
27:14This fear is natural.
27:16Move slowly and be kind to yourself.
27:20Detachment is [music] not about forcing
27:22yourself to stop caring.
27:24It is about caring without clutching.
27:26Over time,
27:28>> [music]
27:28>> you may notice something remarkable.
27:31Relationships become easier and warmer.
27:34Anxiety [music] loosens its hold.
27:36Decisions feel clearer because they are
27:38no longer driven by fear of loss.
27:42And sometimes,
27:43the very things you released return to
27:46you in better forms [music] than you
27:47could have imagined. This is not a
27:49guarantee that everything you release
27:52will come back exactly as it was.
27:55Sometimes, [music] things leave because
27:57their season has ended.
27:59But even then, detachment allows
28:01something new to arrive.
28:03Life is generous to open hands and
28:06stingy [music] with clenched fists.
28:09What returns may be different,
28:12but it is often exactly what you need.
28:15Remember [music] the image of sand in
28:17your palm.
28:18Squeeze tightly, it pours away.
28:21Held gently, it stays.
28:24Remember Zhuangzi's boat
28:26hidden in the ravine and carried off in
28:28the night.
28:29And remember his wisdom.
28:31Hide the world in the world, and nothing
28:34can ever truly be lost. [music]
28:36Lao Tzu wrote,
28:38"That the sage does not grasp,
28:40>> [music]
28:40>> and so does not lose."
28:42This is not because the sage has
28:44nothing.
28:46It is because the sage holds everything
28:48lightly, with gratitude rather than
28:50fear.
28:52And because nothing is clutched, nothing
28:54[music] can be torn away.
28:56What is held lightly cannot be ripped
28:58from the hand. Imagine living without
29:01the constant [music] tension of holding
29:02on.
29:03Loving freely, working fully, enjoying
29:06deeply, and releasing gracefully.
29:10Imagine facing change without panic,
29:12endings without despair,
29:15and uncertainty without dread.
29:17This is the freedom that the law of
29:19detachment
29:21offers to anyone willing to open their
29:23hands, whatever their circumstances,
29:26whatever their past. So today, take one
29:29[music] breath, and gently loosen your
29:31grip
29:32on something you have been holding too
29:34tightly.
29:35You do not need to let it go completely.
29:38Just loosen your fingers a little.
29:41Feel the space that opens,
29:43and trust that life, like water
29:46finding its way home,
29:49often returns to those who stop holding
29:51on. Thank you so much for watching.
29:54If this teaching helped you loosen your
29:56grip on life,
29:58please like and subscribe for more
29:59wisdom from Lao Tzu and Zhuangzi.
30:02Share this video with someone who is
30:04holding on too tightly,
30:06and tell me in the comments what you are
30:08ready to release.
30:10Open your hands, and let life return.

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