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The Identity Shift That Turned Me From Anxious to Secure — Transcript

by Andriana Nik · 4,719 words · 701 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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1:21Hi guys, I'm Andriana and welcome or
1:24welcome back to my channel. So, today
1:26we're talking about how I changed my
1:28identity in love and how that ultimately
1:31changed my entire romantic life.
1:34Learning how to become a different woman
1:36inside my relationships has been one of
1:39the hardest and at the same time one of
1:41the most rewarding things that I have
1:43ever done. For so many years, I thought
1:46that my problem was that I was choosing
1:48the wrong people. I thought that maybe I
1:50just had bad luck in love. I thought
1:52that maybe I needed better dating
1:55skills. Maybe I needed better
1:57boundaries. Maybe I needed to understand
2:00men better. Or I don't know, maybe I
2:02needed to learn how to text differently.
2:04Maybe I needed to be more feminine. I
2:06needed to become more mysterious. I
2:08needed to figure out how to make someone
2:11chase me. But eventually, after I
2:13learned all of those things, I realized
2:15that none of those things were actually
2:18getting to the root of what was
2:20happening. Because the problem wasn't
2:22only who I was choosing. It was also who
2:26I was becoming when I really like
2:28someone. Who I was becoming when I was
2:30becoming attached. And once I became
2:32aware of that, I couldn't unsee it.
2:34Because when I saw that, I immediately
2:36was able to see back at all of my
2:39relationships and see that same woman
2:41showing up again and again. I saw that
2:44woman that was understanding, that was
2:45accommodating, that was patient, that
2:48was forgiving, that she was pretending
2:51to be easygoing. The woman that didn't
2:53want to ask for much. She didn't want to
2:55seem needy. She didn't want to scare
2:57anyone away. She just wanted to be
3:00chosen so badly that she slowly started
3:03becoming someone that she thought would
3:05be easier to choose, that would be
3:07easier to love. And so, that's when I
3:09realized that I wasn't just trying to
3:12find love. I was also performing it. And
3:14performing love, performing being
3:17someone secure, performing being easy is
3:20so exhausting. So, who do you really
3:22become when you like someone? I really
3:24want you to think about this because I
3:26think it's one of the most revealing
3:29questions that you can ask yourself. Who
3:32do you become when you really like
3:35someone? Because you might know exactly
3:39who you are when you're single. You're
3:41confident, you're independent, you're
3:44successful, you know exactly what you
3:46want. You have your own life, you have
3:48your own opinions, you have your own
3:50standards. And then you meet someone
3:53that you really, really like, and
3:55suddenly, or maybe progressively, you
3:58start to barely recognize yourself.
4:01Maybe you're incredibly decisive when it
4:03comes to your career, but when it comes
4:04to dating, you need three friends, a
4:07journal entry, and I don't know, 12
4:09hours of analysis for you to decide
4:12whether something is bothering you.
4:14Maybe you tell yourself that you're
4:16independent, but you are secretly
4:18monitoring someone's behavior all day
4:21just to figure out where you stand with
4:23them. Maybe you have very strong
4:25standards in theory, but the moment that
4:27you really like someone, suddenly
4:29they're thrown out of the way. Suddenly,
4:31those standards get thrown out. They
4:33become negotiable. And maybe you find
4:35yourself thinking, "Well, I don't want
4:36to be difficult. I don't want to scare
4:38him away. Maybe I should just give him
4:40some time. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe
4:42it's my anxious attachment speaking. I
4:44don't want to seem too invested. Uh I
4:46want to be more detached. And so, maybe
4:48I should just let it go." And I know
4:50this because I used to do the exact same
4:53thing. I would feel bothered by
4:54something, and I would immediately try
4:57to convince myself that it wasn't
4:59important enough to bring it up. I would
5:01want reassurance, and I would tell
5:03myself that, "Oh, you know what? You're
5:05just being needy." Sometimes, I would
5:07notice someone becoming distant, and I
5:09would immediately start wondering, "What
5:12have I done? What have I done wrong?" I
5:14would be incredibly understanding when
5:16it came to somebody else's behavior
5:19while I was expecting for myself to need
5:22almost nothing. And I thought I was
5:23being mature. I thought I was being
5:25easygoing. I thought I was being
5:26detached. I thought I was giving people
5:29grace. But, eventually, I realized that
5:31some of what I was calling being
5:32understanding was actually
5:34self-abandonment. Because there is a
5:37huge difference between being
5:39understanding of another person and
5:41constantly understanding someone at your
5:44own expense. And that was the first time
5:46that I started asking myself, why do I
5:49feel like I have to become someone else
5:52to be loved? Why do I have to make all
5:54of my standards, all of my boundaries,
5:57all of the things that I need negotiable
5:59for someone to stay? This is where we
6:01need to go deeper because this is part
6:03of a deeper problem. The issue isn't
6:05simply that you overthink. It's not
6:08simply that you chase. It's not simply
6:11that you tolerate too much. Those are
6:13behaviors. And behaviors usually have a
6:16belief that is underneath them. So, if
6:18you find yourself chasing someone, you
6:21have to ask yourself, what do I believe
6:24will happen if I stop chasing them?
6:27Maybe you think, oh, they will leave.
6:29And so, if they leave, what does that
6:31mean? It means that I'm not enough. And
6:33if you're not enough, what does that
6:35mean? It means that I'm maybe too
6:37difficult to love. I'm impossible to
6:39love. And so, suddenly we see that that
6:41behavior makes sense. You're not chasing
6:43because you're crazy, because you're
6:45desperate, because you're less worthy
6:47than other women. You're chasing because
6:49somewhere inside of you, you're trying
6:51to prevent a belief about yourself from
6:54becoming true. You're trying to make
6:57somebody choose you because by them
6:59choosing you, you will be temporarily
7:02aligning yourself to feel worthy, to
7:04feel valuable, to feel lovable. And so,
7:06that was the part that I had to change.
7:09I had to stop trying using another
7:10person's behavior as evidence of who I
7:13was because if somebody wanted me, I
7:16would feel valuable. But if somebody
7:18pulled away, I would immediately
7:19question myself. If somebody was
7:21inconsistent, I would become obsessed
7:24with getting that attention back. So, my
7:26self-image was constantly moving up and
7:30down depending on what someone else was
7:33doing. And so, I eventually realized
7:34that I cannot build a stable life on an
7:39unstable source of validation. And that
7:41was the beginning of changing my
7:43identity. And so, these are the shifts
7:45that helped me become the woman whose
7:47identity in love was the identity of who
7:51she wanted to become in love. So, the
7:52first shift was stop identifying as a
7:56woman who has to earn love. So, your
7:59identity isn't just what you say about
8:02yourself. It's also what you have
8:04unconsciously decided that is normal for
8:07someone like you. So, if you believe
8:10that you're someone who has to work for
8:12love, you will tolerate a lot of work.
8:15So, you will think that, well,
8:17relationships are complicated, everyone
8:19has flaws, nobody's perfect, so maybe
8:22I'm expecting too much. He's just going
8:24through something. Maybe I should give
8:26him another chance. And yeah, sometimes
8:29those things are true, but most of the
8:31times we're using those explanations to
8:35make something acceptable that we
8:37actually don't want. We actually is not
8:40right for us. Is actually not what we
8:42truly crave. You see, if you believe
8:45that you're difficult to love, you will
8:47become incredibly good at being easy to
8:50love. So, you will make yourself, not
8:52because you want to, but you will make
8:54yourself needless love. You're going to
8:57ask for less. You're going to expect
8:59less. You're going to be the person that
9:01forgives quickly. You're going to
9:04understand endlessly. And then, you wake
9:07up one day and you're wondering why your
9:10needs somehow always keep becoming
9:13optional. The reason this happens is
9:15because you have unconsciously built an
9:17identity around being the woman that
9:21doesn't need much. And so, the moment
9:23that you start believing that I am
9:25worthy of love exactly as I am, your
9:29behavior has to start changing. Has to
9:32start reflecting this belief. And not
9:34because you suddenly became more
9:36confident. You suddenly became more
9:38valuable, more worthy of it. But because
9:41you can no longer keep betraying the
9:44woman that you say you believe you are.
9:47And this is why I don't think changing
9:49your identity is about standing in front
9:52of a mirror and repeating all of these
9:53affirmations. I mean, you can say I'm
9:56worthy. You can say I'm enough. You
9:58could be saying to yourself I deserve
10:00healthy love a hundred times. But if
10:03your behavior keeps telling you the
10:06opposite, your brain is going to believe
10:08your behavior, is going to believe your
10:10experience. So, what you have to do is
10:12that you have to start giving yourself
10:15new evidence. You have to give yourself
10:17evidence that says that I matter, my
10:19needs matter, my feelings matter, my
10:22time matters, my intuition matters, my
10:26life matters. And that changes your
10:28identity much faster than just simply
10:32trying to convince yourself that you
10:34have changed. So, you see, if you keep
10:36affirming these things to yourself, but
10:39you then go ahead and you take actions
10:41that are in complete opposition to what
10:44you have been affirming to yourself, you
10:46are creating the same experience that
10:48you have created in the past and the
10:50same feelings. So, it doesn't matter if
10:53you are affirming these things. You need
10:55to also you have to affirm and as a
10:58result also take action and like create
11:01new experiences that give you those new
11:03feelings of who you now are. Shift
11:06number two was that I stopped letting my
11:08past tell me who I was, to tell me who I
11:12am. So, the second thing that I had to
11:14change was the way that I identified
11:17with my past. Because after enough
11:19disappointing experiences, it's very
11:21easy to turn your history into who you
11:25are, into your identity. You could make
11:27your past who you are. So, you could be
11:29thinking, "Oh, people always leave me. I
11:32always end up choosing the wrong
11:33person." You're thinking, "Oh man, I'm
11:35just unlucky in love. I always end up
11:38getting hurt. This is just how
11:39relationships are for me." But, I want
11:41you to understand that your past is not
11:44your identity. Your past is just
11:46information. Maybe you were cheated on.
11:48Maybe you were ghosted. Maybe you were
11:50rejected. Maybe you stayed too long.
11:53Maybe you chased someone who couldn't
11:55give you what you needed. Maybe you have
11:58experience where you ignored your
11:59intuition. Maybe you have accepted the
12:02bare minimum. Maybe you were the woman
12:04who overthought every interaction. Yes,
12:07that happened, but it doesn't mean this
12:10is who I am and this is who I'm going to
12:12stay forever and ever. I mean, if you
12:14think about it, if you had in the past
12:16three difficult jobs in a row, you
12:19wouldn't necessarily decide, "Oh, you
12:20know, I'm just incapable of succeeding
12:22in my career. I'm incapable of finding a
12:25job that I like, a job that I love." You
12:28probably ask yourself, "Well, what did I
12:30learn from this experience?" And you
12:32will also ask, "Well, I will eventually
12:35end up having the job that I want
12:36because I am showing up and I'm putting
12:38the work for it. It's not impossible."
12:40So, why do we do the same with
12:42relationships? Why does being hurt
12:45become that, "Oh, I cannot trust anyone
12:47ever again." Why does rejection become,
12:50"I'm not desirable. I'll never be
12:52desirable." Why does staying too long
12:55with someone become, "So, I always I
12:57will always abandon myself. I will
12:59always give up on myself." Your past can
13:01explain your patterns, but it doesn't
13:04have to dictate your future. And this is
13:07especially important because sometimes
13:09your nervous system becomes attached to
13:12what feels familiar. So, if
13:14inconsistency is what you're used to,
13:17consistency can actually feel very
13:20strange. Can actually feel so abnormal
13:22and unfamiliar. So, if someone shows up,
13:25if someone communicates, if someone is
13:28clear and consistent, if nothing in that
13:31relationship is confusing you, you will
13:33think, well, why don't I feel that
13:35intense chemistry that I'm used to?
13:37Meanwhile, when somebody else gives you
13:39those mixed signals and the
13:42breadcrumbing and all the familiar
13:44behaviors that you're used to, you're
13:46going to start thinking about them all
13:47day and you're going to call that
13:49chemistry. Sometimes what we are calling
13:51chemistry is just simply familiarity
13:54with our old patterns. You're not
13:57necessarily attracted to that person.
13:59You might be attracted to the emotional
14:01pattern that you already know, that
14:03you're already familiar around. And when
14:05you understand that, you can start
14:07asking a much better question. You can
14:10start asking, does this feel healthy or
14:12does this simply feel familiar? And that
14:15question alone can save you from
14:16repeating so many patterns that you're
14:18used to. Shift number three, I became
14:21the woman who trusts herself. So,
14:23understanding your patterns is not
14:25enough. You have to start doing
14:28something differently. You cannot think
14:30your way into self-trust. You have to
14:32experience it. And this was one of the
14:34biggest shifts for me because I had to
14:37learn how to keep my own word. I had to
14:40learn, if something doesn't feel right,
14:43I listen to myself. If I need something,
14:46I have to communicate it. If someone
14:48shows me that they can't give me what I
14:50need, I don't spend months trying to
14:52convince them. If I am uncomfortable, I
14:55don't immediately abandon myself. If
14:57someone doesn't choose me, I don't chase
15:00them. And this is where being alone
15:02really changed my life because I had to
15:05learn how to spend time with myself. I
15:07had to learn how to enjoy my own
15:09company. I had to learn that loneliness
15:12could be uncomfortable without being
15:14dangerous, without having to escape it
15:16immediately. I learned that I could miss
15:18somebody without having to go back at
15:20them, that I could want love without
15:23accepting anything, without having to
15:25accept breadcrumbs. I learned that I
15:27could be single without treating my life
15:30like I was on pause. And so, that
15:32allowed me to slowly start becoming
15:34someone that I could rely on because she
15:37made different choices and created
15:39different experiences. And this really
15:41changed everything because suddenly
15:43dating wasn't about how do I get this
15:46person to choose me, to chase me, but it
15:48became well, do I even choose them? Do I
15:52even think this person is right for me?
15:54Do we even align? Do they fit in my life
15:56in the way that I need them to? And that
15:58question really completely changed the
16:01energy that I brought into dating. So, I
16:03was thinking instead of how do I make
16:06them like me, I was able to start
16:07asking, well, how do I feel around this
16:09person? Instead of asking, what do they
16:11think of me, I started asking, do I like
16:14who I am when I'm around them? Instead
16:16of asking, well, what if they leave me,
16:18I was asking, what is their behavior
16:21telling me? Instead of looking at
16:23potential, I started looking at
16:24patterns. Instead of listening only to
16:27their promises, I started watching their
16:29behavior. Instead of trying to secure
16:31that relationship, I started asking
16:34whether the relationship actually felt
16:36secure enough for me. And this is what
16:38it means to choose instead of chase. You
16:41are learning that you're not auditioning
16:45for a relationship. You're just
16:46evaluating whether that relationship
16:50belongs in your life, whether that
16:51relationship fits into your life. Shift
16:53number three was understanding that my
16:56standards had to become part of my
16:58identity. And this is where self-respect
17:00becomes so important because we can make
17:03an entire list of qualities that we want
17:06in a partner. Emotionally intelligent,
17:09kind, loyal, ambitious, consistent,
17:12communicative, secure, respectful. I get
17:15that, that's good. But then I want you
17:17to ask, "Well, are you offering yourself
17:21those same qualities? Are you consistent
17:23with yourself? Do you communicate
17:25honestly with yourself? Do you respect
17:28your own boundaries? Do you take care of
17:30yourself? Do you keep promises to
17:32yourself?" Because you can't build
17:34self-trust by constantly abandoning
17:37yourself. And that's why I said before,
17:39affirmations alone never changed my
17:41relationship with myself. I had to give
17:44myself evidence. I had to show myself
17:47that I will leave when something is not
17:49right. I will listen when my intuition
17:52speaks. I will not chase someone who is
17:54showing me they don't want to be chased.
17:57I will not abandon myself because I'm
17:59afraid of losing someone. And so, every
18:02time I did that, I started trusting
18:04myself a little bit more. And when you
18:06trust yourself, your standards start to
18:09change. And when your standards change,
18:12your choices change. And when your
18:14choices change, your relationships
18:16change. And that's the part that nobody
18:18really talks about. You do not
18:20experience a different love life simply
18:23because you want one badly enough. You
18:26experience a different love life when
18:28you become someone who makes different
18:31choices. And I don't mean that in a
18:33victim-blaming way. Obviously, you
18:35cannot control who lies. You cannot
18:37control who cheats. You cannot control
18:40who hurts you. You cannot control
18:42someone's emotional availability. But,
18:45you can control what you do with that
18:48information that they give you. You can
18:51decide whether you stay. You can decide
18:54whether you keep explaining. You can
18:56decide whether you keep chasing. You can
19:00decide whether you abandon yourself to
19:03keep them. And this is where your power
19:05is. This is where your power lies. The
19:08next shift was understanding that I
19:11needed to become the woman who doesn't
19:13need to be chosen. I think so many women
19:16are secretly living from this identity
19:18of I really hope he likes me. I really
19:21hope he stays. I really hope that I'm
19:23enough for him. I hope that he thinks
19:25I'm beautiful. I hope that he wants a
19:27relationship with me. And so, you don't
19:30realize how much power you have given to
19:33another person. You are essentially
19:35saying that my emotional state is now
19:38dependent on what you decide about me. I
19:42don't know if I am all of these things.
19:44So, you have to decide all of these
19:45things about me. And now, when I I
19:47started realizing that, I didn't I
19:48realized that I didn't want to live like
19:50that, because you can want someone
19:53without having to hand them your
19:55self-worth. You can like someone without
19:58making them your entire focus. You can
20:02be excited about someone without you
20:04abandoning your life. You can learn to
20:06be vulnerable with someone without
20:08becoming dependent. And you can also
20:11love deeply without losing yourself in
20:13it. And this is the woman that I had to
20:16become. And when I became her, I started
20:18moving differently. I started talking
20:21differently. I started dating
20:22differently. I started choosing people
20:24differently. I started living
20:26differently. I started spending my time
20:28differently. And so, eventually, I ended
20:30up in the healthiest and most secure
20:32relationship than I had ever
20:34experienced. And I don't say that
20:36because I think I magically manifested a
20:39perfect person. I say it because by the
20:42time I entered that relationship, I was
20:45different because I knew how to be
20:46alone. I knew how to enjoy my own
20:48company. I knew what I wanted. I knew
20:51what I didn't want. I knew how to
20:53communicate. I knew what my standards
20:56were. And most importantly, I knew that
20:58I would be okay if someone didn't choose
21:01me. And knowing all of that changed
21:04everything. Because when you're no
21:07longer terrified of losing someone, you
21:10become much more honest about whether
21:13you actually want to keep them. And
21:15that's freedom. Not having to be with
21:17someone because they save you from your
21:19life, because they save you from all of
21:21those uncomfortable feelings, but
21:23because you already have a beautiful
21:25life, a life that you already enjoy, and
21:27you have the freedom from that place to
21:29choose who adds in it. The next shift
21:32was understanding that I didn't need to
21:34become a woman who doesn't need love.
21:37And I want to make this very clear. The
21:39goal is not to become a woman who
21:41doesn't need love. I genuinely don't
21:43want that for you. I genuinely didn't
21:45want that for myself. I know that love
21:47is beautiful. I know that partnership is
21:49beautiful. Having someone to come home
21:52to is beautiful. Building a life with
21:54someone is beautiful. I think that all
21:57having all of these things are so
22:00important, but knowing that my
22:02relationship isn't the only place where
22:05I receive love. It's not the only place
22:07where I find meaning. It's not the only
22:10place where I feel like I'm myself. I
22:12still have my own life, my own goals, my
22:16own friendships, my own interests, my
22:18own identity, and my own relationship
22:21with myself. And I think that's what
22:23allows two people to actually build a
22:26life together instead of becoming each
22:28other's entire identity, because I
22:30really don't think that healthy love is
22:32two people completing each other. I
22:35think it's two people who are completing
22:37themselves and know how to hold
22:39themselves coming together and building
22:42something even better. So, who do you
22:45actually need to become? This is what I
22:47need you to do after this video. Don't
22:49start by writing a list of everything
22:51that you want in a man and everything
22:53that you want in a relationship,
22:55everything that you want in a person. I
22:57know you probably already have done
22:59that, but instead, sit down and write
23:02the relationship that you want. How does
23:04our relationship feel? How do you
23:06communicate in it? How do you handle
23:08conflict? How much independence do you
23:11have in it? How does your partner treat
23:14you? How do you treat your partner? And
23:16then ask yourself who am I inside this
23:20relationship? Maybe the answer isn't,
23:22oh, I'm prettier. Maybe the answer is
23:24not, I'm more feminine. Maybe the answer
23:26is not that I know how to text better, I
23:29know how to not be clinging, I am now
23:32more desirable, I'm more detached, I'm
23:34more cool. Maybe now you understand that
23:36the woman you need to become and can
23:38sustain that relationship that you want
23:41is someone who communicates instead of
23:43withdrawing. Is someone who can walk
23:45away instead of chasing and staying
23:47somewhere that doesn't serve her.
23:49Someone who receives instead of
23:51constantly over giving because she
23:53doesn't feel like she's deserving to
23:55receive. Maybe you're someone who
23:56doesn't confuse anxiety with chemistry.
23:59Someone who doesn't abandon her life
24:01when she falls in love. Maybe you're
24:03becoming the woman who can tolerate
24:05uncertainty without having to create a
24:08story about what that means. Someone who
24:11can be alone, someone who knows that
24:13being rejected doesn't mean that you're
24:16being unworthy. Someone who trusts
24:17herself and you do not become her
24:20overnight. You do not become that
24:22version of you overnight. You practice
24:25being her and you practice being her
24:27every single day because your the
24:30identity that you want to build is built
24:32through evidence. You become confident
24:35because you repeatedly prove to yourself
24:37that you can handle uncomfortable
24:39things. You become self respecting
24:42because you repeatedly choose yourself.
24:45You become emotionally secure because
24:47you repeatedly feel something without
24:50immediately acting on it. You become
24:52someone who trusts yourself because you
24:54repeatedly keep your own word. And
24:56eventually your brain starts to go, "Oh,
24:59well, this is who we are now. This is
25:01who I naturally act as. This is who I
25:04am." And so, this is why I think
25:06changing your identity and building the
25:08identity of the woman that you want to
25:10become is so much more powerful than
25:13learning another dating strategy.
25:15Because your identity influences your
25:18beliefs. And as a result, your beliefs
25:20are going to influence your behavior.
25:22Your behavior is going to create your
25:24patterns that you repeat, and your
25:26patterns are going to shape your
25:28relationships. So, you can learn every
25:31dating rule in the world. You can learn
25:34how to text, when to pull back, when to
25:37flirt, how to flirt, how to make someone
25:40chase you, how to be more feminine, how
25:42to seem unbothered and detached. But, if
25:45underneath all of that, you still
25:47believe that I have to earn love at the
25:50end of the day, eventually, that belief
25:53is going to show up. So, you can perform
25:56secure behavior for a little while, but
25:58eventually, who you believe yourself to
26:01be comes through. And that's why I don't
26:03want you to become better at performing.
26:06I want you to become better at being
26:08yourself without abandoning yourself.
26:10So, when you think about attracting
26:12love, I want you to stop thinking about
26:14it as, "How do I get someone to choose
26:17me?" And I want you to start thinking,
26:19"Who do I need to become so that I can
26:22recognize, I can receive, and I can
26:24sustain the kind of relationship that I
26:27actually want?" Because you don't need
26:29to become perfect before you deserve
26:32healthy love. You don't need to heal
26:34every wound. You don't need to become
26:36some completely different person. You
26:39just need to start becoming someone that
26:42you can trust. Someone whose needs
26:44matter. Someone whose voice matters.
26:47Someone who listens to herself. Someone
26:49who doesn't leave herself just because
26:52someone else might. And that woman
26:54doesn't have to be fearless. She can
26:56still get anxious. She can still get
26:58scared. She can still be hurt. But the
27:01difference is that she doesn't abandon
27:03herself when those things and those
27:06feelings arrive. She knows that whatever
27:08happens, I have me. And I think that is
27:11one of the most powerful identities that
27:13you can build. This gives you the
27:16freedom to feel secure in yourself.
27:19Because if you remember what I said at
27:21the beginning, I used to think that I
27:23needed to become more lovable. I thought
27:25that I needed to be prettier, more
27:27feminine, more understanding, more
27:29easygoing, less needy. I just thought I
27:31needed to become the woman that a man
27:34will have no reason to leave. But I
27:36eventually realized that I didn't need
27:38to become easier to love. I realized
27:40that I needed to become someone who no
27:43longer abandons herself to be loved. And
27:46once I changed that woman, I was able to
27:48change the decisions that she made. And
27:51once I changed those decisions, I
27:53changed her patterns. And when I changed
27:55her patterns, I changed my entire
27:58experience of love. I didn't learn how
28:00to get someone. I learned how to choose.
28:02I learned how to be alone. I learned how
28:05to trust myself. I learned how to
28:07communicate, how to leave, I learned how
28:09to receive, and most importantly, I
28:12learned how to love deeply without
28:14losing myself. And eventually, I found
28:17myself in a relationship that reflected
28:20that version of me. But you have to
28:22remember, that relationship didn't
28:24create me. I existed first. And maybe
28:27that's what changing your identity in
28:29love really means. It's not becoming
28:31someone worthy of being chosen, but
28:34becoming someone who knows, who knows
28:37that you're worthy, who knows that you
28:38deserve to be chosen. Someone who knows
28:41that I don't need to perform to be
28:43loved. I don't need to chase what
28:46doesn't choose me. And I don't need to
28:47abandon myself to keep someone. I can
28:50simply be myself and let the right
28:53relationship meet me there. And this is
28:55how I changed my love life by changing
28:58my identity. So, thank you so much for
29:00watching. If you have any questions, you
29:02can always leave them down in the
29:04comments. I appreciate you and I will
29:06see you soon on the next one.
29:08Bye.

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