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The Gift of Life After 23 Years on Death Row | Nick Yarris on The Loida Lewis Podcast S5 E4 — Transcript

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0:00You're listening [music] to the Loida
0:02Lewis podcast hosted by Loida Nicolas
0:05Lewis.
0:07She's a trailblazing [music]
0:08businesswoman, leader, philanthropist,
0:11and the widow of Reginald F. Lewis.
0:14The visionary [music] leader who was the
0:15first African-American to build a
0:17billion-dollar company.
0:20>> [music]
0:21>> With unparalleled determination, Loida
0:23Lewis has not only excelled as a
0:25successful attorney, but also shaped a
0:27billion-dollar empire.
0:29Following the [music] untimely passing
0:31of her husband, Reginald F. Lewis, she
0:33took the helm of TLC Beatrice, carving
0:36her legacy as a successful business
0:38leader.
0:41Be inspired [music] and learn from her
0:43as she shares her wisdom, secrets to her
0:46success in both business, [music] in
0:48love, and in life.
0:52Let's live, love, laugh, [music] and
0:55learn
0:56with your host, Ms. Loida Lewis.
0:59>> Welcome to the Loida Lewis podcast,
1:01[music]
1:02and today I have the special honor of
1:04presenting to you
1:06a man
1:07who has been convicted of murder
1:09>> [music]
1:09>> that he did not commit, sentenced to the
1:12death row for 23 years, and here he is,
1:17Nick
1:17>> [music]
1:18>> Yarris. Thank you for being here.
1:20>> Thank you, Loida. It's such an honor to
1:22be here and meet your audience and share
1:24time with your staff. [music]
1:26It's a great blessing to be able to
1:27speak each time, and as you know,
1:30each time [music] you speak to someone
1:32new, it's a different energy, isn't it?
1:34>> Yes, but it's for me, I am just awed
1:38>> [music]
1:38>> that you're here and whole, meaning
1:42[music] there is no trace of anger or
1:46regret, or, you know, you're a whole
1:50person.
1:51>> And that's a good point to start at,
1:53actually. You know, most people's
1:55experience when they find out someone
1:57was in prison for a long time for
1:59something they didn't do, like myself.
2:02They're like, "Why aren't you angry? I
2:04would be so angry." And then I try and
2:07tell them, "No, you wouldn't." The last
2:10thing you want to be is an angry person
2:12after someone hurts you.
2:14You don't want to reward them with that.
2:17You don't want to
2:18make all of your relations bitter and
2:21and painful because someone hurt you.
2:24That's not the reaction that any of the
2:27mostly all of the people who've been in
2:30prison come to.
2:31Is that we've dealt with anger so long.
2:35It's the last thing we want to touch.
2:37>> Well,
2:38because there is just this book, Just
2:40Mercy, of people in on death row who may
2:43have committed murder,
2:46but
2:47like you, was truly innocent,
2:50but they came out broken.
2:52>> Mhm.
2:52>> Okay, so
2:54with your in your case, you're here
2:56talking to this audience and talking
2:59about what I did not say is that he did
3:00not commit the murder. He was innocent,
3:04but for 23 years you remained in prison.
3:07>> In solitary confinement and
3:08>> Solitary confinement most of the time.
3:11>> Every day.
3:12>> Every day. Oh my god.
3:13>> 8,057
3:15days of solitary confinement.
3:16>> How did you keep sane? How did you keep
3:19How are you not broken?
3:22You know, knowing that you never
3:23committed it and yet you are waiting
3:25awaiting death.
3:28>> I did my best living when I had no hope
3:31because I didn't board the hope train. I
3:32didn't torture myself.
3:34And I began living beautifully. I read
3:37all of the world's religions. I read
3:39over 9,400 books, kept a journal about
3:42it.
3:43>> 9,000 etc. books. Okay, everyone who's
3:46not reading a book, please listen.
3:49>> I found out with each new book I became
3:51a different part of myself and a better
3:53part of myself. A lot of people don't
3:55know this, but when you accumulate
3:57knowledge, you become the knowledge.
4:01You're part of that knowledge.
4:03So,
4:05I realized very early on they were
4:07trying to take my humanity from me. And
4:09everyone in society can identify with
4:12this right now.
4:13The feelings that you're going through
4:15with people who feel like they're haters
4:17or hurting you or people who are making
4:20aimed points of hurting you.
4:23You feeding into that is the last thing
4:25you should do because
4:27it's really affecting who you are more
4:29than anything.
4:30And so,
4:32that's trying to take away your
4:34humanity, right?
4:36That's what Death Row was. It was
4:38designed to strip you of my humanity.
4:41And an incident happened to me where a
4:44young black dude was in there and he
4:46couldn't read or write, so he couldn't
4:48get new toilet paper. He couldn't get
4:50his new clothing or sheets and towels.
4:54And the guard
4:55>> have to write around your request?
4:56>> You have to have a request slip filled
4:58out perfectly with the correct date,
5:01your name, your cell number, what you
5:04want it spelled correctly.
5:06And every little detail had to be right
5:09or they would crumple it up and throw it
5:10in your face and torture you.
5:13So,
5:15about my third year in,
5:17I was allowed to speak.
5:19I for I my first
5:20>> for 2 years you could not speak?
5:22>> My my first 2 years, they beat me.
5:26So, if I tried to speak in my cell in
5:28the first 2 years,
5:30I did 748
5:32days of silence.
5:34>> Wow.
5:35>> So,
5:36>> So, what if you you know
5:38>> I saw this boy being tortured.
5:40>> don't don't the guards ask you a
5:41question? So, you have to speak.
5:43>> Yeah, but then you can answer. But if
5:45you talk to yourself to another
5:46prisoner,
5:48especially another inmate,
5:50you got beaten.
5:51And if that didn't work, they put a
5:53helmet on the nurse.
5:55>> [music]
6:01>> Starting a major new life chapter can
6:03feel overwhelming. But you don't have to
6:06navigate [music] the complex journey
6:07alone.
6:09Get clear. Step-by-step guidance from a
6:12trusted expert [music]
6:13who has spent decades helping families
6:15succeed.
6:16Unlock your ultimate road map. Scan the
6:19code or click the link in the [music]
6:21show notes to get your essential guide
6:23today.
6:29>> [music]
6:32>> And they put a flat jack on her and four
6:34men ran into your cell and held you down
6:36and she stabbed you in the ass with a
6:38needle full drugs.
6:40This has all been documented.
6:42So, it's a crazy thing that I had to go
6:44through. So, that I didn't speak for the
6:46first years, but when I was finally
6:48allowed to speak on my third year, this
6:51young man was being tortured by a guard.
6:55For a whole week, all he wanted was
6:56toilet paper and a toothbrush.
6:59>> Oh my god.
7:00>> I got tired of it.
7:01>> Wow.
7:02>> Why they got to hurt this kid?
7:05So, I sat down at my desk and I filled
7:08out a correct request form for
7:11everything, sheets, towels, everything.
7:14And they brought this big cart to his
7:16door when I
7:18got the request slip granted.
7:21They thought it was him.
7:23They didn't know.
7:25>> Oh my god.
7:25>> And this kid start crying and screaming
7:27at them, "Why are you doing this? Why
7:29are you giving me stuff now?
7:32What is this? You want to beat me today
7:34and then you want to do this to me? Why?
7:36Why?"
7:37So, I knocked on the wall and I said,
7:38"Fall back and let me help you."
7:41And then I filled out a request slip for
7:43every single item he could need.
7:46And then I told him, "All you have to do
7:48is put your name on there and copy these
7:51down
7:52and then you'll get your stuff."
7:55A couple years passed by and this guy's
7:57being escorted past my cell
7:59and he saw me.
8:01And he starts yelling at me, "Nicky!
8:04Nick, it's me, Lamont! Nicky, listen to
8:07me. I did like you. I help others."
8:11>> Oh my god.
8:12>> So I figured it out.
8:13>> Yeah.
8:13>> As long as I held on to my humanity,
8:17I could do this.
8:19And isn't that what we're all being
8:20challenged by right now?
8:22Isn't the news and the distractions of
8:25the pain and anger and argument
8:28threatening your humanity?
8:30How do you feel about other human beings
8:31right now?
8:33Do you care at all?
8:34Or have you been shutting it off because
8:36the internet is making you feel like
8:39giving out your caring, your empathy is
8:41a waste of time?
8:42I'll never be that.
8:44>> Yes.
8:45>> That's why it was so lovely to walk in
8:46here and fall in love with all of you.
8:49You see,
8:50I don't watch television because in
8:52between the program I'm trying to watch,
8:55they might try to it make me hate
8:57someone or show me children with flies
9:00on their eye and make me sad. They're in
9:02control.
9:04So I don't want to watch a television
9:06program and then be hurt by the
9:10programmer who's in charge of that
9:12program.
9:13>> Yes.
9:14>> I want to be able to filter into myself
9:17the good that I want.
9:20So I don't want to watch the news. I
9:22don't want to watch live television. If
9:25I want to watch a movie, I'll watch that
9:27movie without interruption and then I'll
9:30get away from that device and stay away
9:33from it as much as possible so that I
9:35could be a human.
9:38All these things are threatening us. So
9:40today,
9:41if you spend more than 6 hours a day
9:44looking at a screen, you lost 6 hours of
9:47looking at a human being.
9:50>> That's the reason that there is a health
9:53crisis for children around the world.
9:56around the world.
9:57>> This is why I want to talk about
9:58neuroplasticity healing.
10:00>> Mhm.
10:01>> So, I want to help your audience now. I
10:03want to do this storytelling.
10:06Hello, everyone.
10:09And I really am grateful to be part of
10:12Reginald F. Lewis's legacy by being here
10:15with the lovely Loyda.
10:18You see, I was a huge fan of Reginald
10:20and his efforts to be a very successful
10:23man at a time when it was very
10:25discriminating for a man of color to
10:27achieve what he did.
10:30My own story goes like this. I am from
10:33Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. As I sit
10:35before you, I'm 65 years old, believe it
10:37or not.
10:38And I survived a terrible trauma in my
10:42childhood at 7 years old where I was
10:44raped and beaten by a man who beat my
10:46head in with a rock.
10:47He left me with a condition called
10:49aphasia, which tormented me through my
10:52childhood, and I became a drug addict
10:55out of self-hate and destructive
10:57feelings about myself. We all identify
10:59with them.
11:01Unfortunately for me, I was driving a
11:03stolen car at the age of 20 in the city
11:06of Chester, Pennsylvania when I was
11:08pulled over by a police officer who then
11:11fabricated a story about me when the gun
11:13discharged that he was carrying, and he
11:16made up a large story about me
11:17kidnapping him and attempted murder.
11:21And I went to prison, and I made things
11:22worse on myself by trying to scheme my
11:25way out of those original lies by making
11:28up my own lie about a a murder.
11:31The murder The murder that I decided to
11:34try and interfere with
11:36was the murder of Linda May Craig, an
11:38innocent woman who was working at a mall
11:41in Delaware, and she was attacked and
11:43killed.
11:44The police knew I was a drug addict with
11:47a brain injury, and they took advantage
11:49of me, and they
11:50fabricated the whole case against me
11:52when they found out I lied.
11:55In 1982,
11:57I went to trial on my original charges
12:00of attempted murder on the police
12:02officer, and I was found not guilty, and
12:04it made them so bitter, they began
12:06seeking the death penalty against me.
12:10In June of 1982,
12:12I went to trial for the rape and murder
12:14of Linda May Craig, a woman I had never
12:16met.
12:18And on the third day of the trial, after
12:20the jury was shown disgusting images of
12:23her body being found,
12:25the courthouse was struck by a bolt of
12:27lightning.
12:29>> [music]
12:33>> They said breaking into the top tier of
12:35the corporate world was impossible for
12:38an outsider.
12:40He didn't just break [music] in, he took
12:42over.
12:43Blazing a trail,
12:45he built a historic [music]
12:46billion-dollar empire.
12:49His legendary story asks a question that
12:51still echoes [music] today.
12:54Discover the ultimate business
12:56masterclass by Reginald [music] F.
12:58Lewis.
13:00Scan the code or click the link in the
13:02show notes [music] to get your blueprint
13:04today.
13:08>> [music]
13:11>> And it was knock all the power out.
13:14I was taken from the courthouse at
13:16gunpoint. The sheriffs thought I was
13:18orchestrating my own escape.
13:20I was placed into this large room
13:24overlooking the outside courtroom
13:26area. There was noise because of the
13:29electricity being out in the whole area.
13:33I knew right then I wasn't going to die.
13:36No matter what they did to me,
13:38I knew I'd be back and tell the story
13:40cuz God told me to look them in the
13:42eyes.
13:43I walked back into the courtroom, I
13:45swear as Jesus as my witness,
13:48no one could look me in the eye.
13:51I was sentenced to death plus 60 years
13:53by Robert F. Kelly,
13:56and he couldn't look me in the eye.
13:58And I knew why I heard those words when
14:00I was standing there.
14:03I went to a prison called Huntington
14:05Prison in the mountains of Pennsylvania,
14:07and I was tortured openly for being a
14:09death row prisoner and a psychotic
14:12twisted man who went out and stalked
14:14this woman cuz she looked like my
14:15girlfriend, they said in the newspaper.
14:19I was beaten and tortured, and I was
14:21forced to fight against other men in
14:23over 40 cage matches.
14:26I was starved, beaten, and used
14:30by the guards for their own folly.
14:35And I first met
14:38the real devil in life.
14:41And that is my own anger.
14:44And whatever it could be manufactured.
14:48And I I delved into it so deep
14:51that I was so angry, I beat my head
14:53against the wall so much. I used to
14:56break the back of my head open and bleed
14:58just to feel enough anger to try and
15:01survive.
15:03And
15:04they took me out of my cell one day when
15:06I was 23 years old,
15:09and after 2 years of silence in my cell
15:12and not being able to read books very
15:14much,
15:15a guard took pity on me
15:17and let me go into the cell of the man
15:19who had committed suicide and collect
15:21some books from the floor of his cell,
15:24and take them back to my cell.
15:26And those five books became a treasure
15:28of mine because they were the foundation
15:31of my education.
15:34Unfortunately,
15:36or fortunately,
15:38in 1985, 4 years after my conviction, I
15:41escaped from death row and I was on the
15:42FBI's most wanted list for 25 days.
15:47I knew that I could not outrun the whole
15:49and law enforcement
15:51community.
15:53So, I turned myself back in after
15:5525 days of being on the run
15:59because I knew I couldn't run from
16:00something this big.
16:02There are some things in life that are
16:04too big to run away from, and this was
16:06one of them.
16:08I was placed on death row in Florida for
16:108 months next to Ted Bundy.
16:13Then I was shipped back to Pennsylvania,
16:15where I received a 4-minute beating and
16:17they broke all my teeth out of my mouth.
16:20The ones that you see in my face today
16:22were implanted last year for free
16:25by The Lasting Smiles Dental Clinic in
16:28Pasadena, who did all of this amazing
16:31work to fix my face so I could speak and
16:35But back to the story.
16:38In 1985,
16:40after the escape, I spent the next 3
16:44years
16:46again angry,
16:47and I decided to challenge God by
16:49reading all of the world's religions.
16:53When I finished reading Zen,
16:55a newspaper was given to me by a man
16:58convicted of multiple rapes,
17:00and I became the first man in America in
17:03February of 1988
17:05to ask for DNA testing from death row to
17:08prove my innocence in America.
17:12Then,
17:13for the next 15 years of my life, the
17:15prosecutor tried to destroy all the
17:18evidence.
17:19Where it actually broke open and spilled
17:21with bad luck when I finally got the
17:23courts to help me.
17:26During this incredible torturous
17:28journey,
17:29a woman volunteer came to the prison to
17:32interview men who were being tortured
17:35and killing themselves on death row.
17:38And she fell in love with me.
17:41I thought I was at the lowest part of my
17:43life and the most unattractive of being
17:45you could ever imagine.
17:48And someone looked through all of my
17:50internalized lies. And that's what we
17:53carry about ourselves. We never believe
17:55that we could be beautiful or kind or
17:58sweet and accepting of such things.
18:02And yet we can be so beautiful if we
18:04just want to be.
18:06I know that sounds silly, but it's true.
18:08I just wanted to be beautiful
18:10for all the torture that I was going
18:12through.
18:14So I told this woman Jackie
18:18that I'd spent all these years only for
18:21one thing.
18:22I wanted to have a beautiful voice when
18:24they killed me. So that the last words
18:26that I said
18:28held meaning for me.
18:30They were going to be the last beautiful
18:32things I would know of this life.
18:36And Jackie fell in love with me for that
18:39very reason.
18:41That she was going to be there and and
18:43hold
18:44true to being there on my last moment.
18:48And I believed her. I did.
18:50So for 9 years, Jackie and I fought for
18:53DNA.
18:55But when the evidence spilled, she left.
18:57And I learned a beautiful lesson about
18:59that.
19:01If I could be as kind and receiving of
19:04her leaving as I was of
19:12>> Starting a major new life chapter can
19:15feel overwhelming, but you don't have
19:17[music] to navigate the complex journey
19:19alone.
19:20Get clear, step-by-step guidance from a
19:23trusted [music] expert who has spent
19:25decades helping families succeed. Unlock
19:28your ultimate road map. Scan the code or
19:31click the link [music] in the show notes
19:33to get your essential guide today.
19:40>> [music]
19:43>> Arriving.
19:45Surely I'm a man.
19:49So, I said goodbye to Jackie without a
19:51tear.
19:52I told her how much I loved her for
19:54loving me.
19:55How grateful I was.
19:57But that I could take this. I could do
19:59this.
20:00Because
20:01I needed to be the gift
20:04of being able to let her go without
20:06torture,
20:07without hurting her.
20:10>> Wasn't that painful for you?
20:12>> Yeah.
20:14In 19
20:16and 2000 Well, it was 1995.
20:19I discovered that I was sick with the
20:21hepatitis that they gave me after the
20:24beating.
20:26By 1998, I had just gotten shipped to a
20:29new prison and I was doing poorly.
20:34When I discovered that the hepatitis C
20:36that I had was a very viral strain and
20:39it was killing all the people around me,
20:42I had to sit in my cell and listen to
20:44them die
20:46in agony
20:47of what's called impacted bowel
20:49syndrome,
20:50where you can't process food in your
20:52body anymore and you die of it.
20:58And it's crazy how
21:00I went blind in the exercise yard and
21:02they beat me thinking I was trying to
21:05hurt them. I don't know.
21:08And while I was blinded in my cell for 3
21:11days, I kept praying for one thing.
21:14I wanted to have a chance to ask to be
21:16executed.
21:19I didn't want to die like that with the
21:21nurses teasing me.
21:22>> I see.
21:23>> They would come to this man's cell below
21:25mine
21:27and they would mock him.
21:29>> As he was suffering?
21:30>> As he was dying
21:32of the same illness I had.
21:36I keep remembering it.
21:38"Mr. Carter, would you like an aspirin?
21:40I heard you're not doing well."
21:42"Get away from my cell. You know it's
21:45killing me. Why can't you give me pain
21:48medication?" "Oh, that would be against
21:50the rules, Mr. Carter. You should have
21:52thought about that when you killed that
21:53woman, Mr. Carter."
21:56I was like, "No way, Lolita, are they
21:58doing that to me?"
22:00No way was I playing their game.
22:02>> Mhm.
22:03>> So, I sat down and I wrote a letter and
22:05asked to be executed.
22:07And that's how I got the DNA.
22:10The federal court stepped in, ordered
22:12the DNA testing.
22:14And then all of a sudden, they were
22:16frightened of me.
22:19When DNA testing came back in 2003 and
22:22proved me innocent,
22:24it still took another year for me to get
22:26out.
22:27>> Meaning to say you had nothing to do
22:30with the murder.
22:31>> And they said, "Yeah, but Mr. Yarris,
22:34you're a very dangerous man.
22:37You're a trained assassin, basically.
22:39Look at all the fights you had. Look at
22:41all the things you did to other." I
22:42said, "You made me do that.
22:46And you're afraid of me. You're the one
22:47that broke my hand. You broke my face.
22:49You
22:50almost put my eye out."
22:52>> You broke all your teeth.
22:54>> Yeah, you broke all my teeth out. But,
22:56you're the one that's afraid of me now.
22:59Isn't that fascinating?
23:01They said, "Well, we don't believe that
23:03if we open the door that you won't kill
23:05one of us before you leave." I said,
23:08"That's fascinating."
23:12So, the last 8 months of my cell,
23:14I sat in an empty psychiatric maximum
23:18security prison cell with a milk carton
23:21and nothing else.
23:23>> To punish you more? Is that to punish
23:25you more?
23:26>> They did me a favor.
23:27Honey, they took away all my artwork,
23:31all my books, and everything. And you
23:33know what I did?
23:35I started daydreaming of the beautiful
23:37life I was going to have myself cuz I
23:38won.
23:40I was getting out.
23:41Why stress out?
23:43If someone's deliberately hurting you,
23:45why join their team? I'm not the team
23:48player of that against myself.
23:50So,
23:51in January of 2004,
23:56this was my last day of prison. Are you
23:58ready?
24:00They woke me up at 7:00 and opened my
24:02door without handcuffs and no one stood
24:05there with clubs.
24:07But no one would come near me. They were
24:08terrified.
24:11I walked through the prison with guards
24:14in front of me and behind me
24:16with their clubs hidden,
24:19but they had them.
24:21And no one wanted to come near me. And
24:23no one could look me in the face again,
24:25just like at my trial.
24:27They put me in a van
24:29and a guard
24:31who'd been in the prison that became an
24:33administrator
24:35made a terrible joke about he and I
24:37sharing the same food over the last 23
24:39years.
24:41They put me in the van. I said,
24:43"Goodbye."
24:44We drove around the prison, right to
24:46that first barrier, and we went through
24:49it. We got to the last barrier,
24:52and they stuck the phone out the window
24:53and said, "Oops, we made a mistake. Not
24:55today.
24:57He has to he has to go back till the
24:59paperwork in Florida is done.
25:03>> No.
25:04>> Listen to this, Loyda. This is so
25:06beautiful. I know. I thought like you at
25:08first. My parents were right on the
25:10other side of that fence.
25:12>> Wow.
25:12>> Right there. I could see my mother and
25:14father and I'm home. I'm out.
25:16And he said, "No." So they botched my
25:18release, right?
25:19>> Wow.
25:20>> They took me back to prison.
25:22And they asked me, "Look, is there
25:24anything that we can do? This has
25:25nothing to do with us. This is the state
25:27of Florida doing your paperwork."
25:29I said, "Just don't put me in a cell."
25:32So they put me in this processing room
25:34it was called.
25:36And a sergeant that worked in the prison
25:38came and sat with me.
25:42And he was a gift in life.
25:45You see,
25:46in his real life he was a Baptist
25:48minister.
25:50And his father was a prison guard like
25:53him.
25:54And his father was murdered in prison.
25:57And he worked in the same prison with
25:59the men who murdered his father.
26:02And he never once harmed them.
26:05I asked him about it
26:07one day.
26:10It was a very powerful moment.
26:13But he had told me what it was.
26:15He said he looked like his father
26:16growing up so much so they called him
26:18Junior.
26:19And he looked just so much like his dad.
26:22Who his dad was a good-looking man,
26:23right? So he said, "Every time I walk
26:26past those men who killed my father,
26:28I lit up and smiled so they remembered
26:30what a good-looking man he was.
26:33And then I let them live with what they
26:35felt inside."
26:37I thought,
26:38>> Wow.
26:39>> So he's standing there with me.
26:42This
26:43beautiful 6' 4" black man who was just
26:47exuding confidence for me.
26:50And he stood over me. And he made all
26:52the guards come and apologize to me.
26:55That hurt me.
26:55>> Wow.
26:57>> And then he said to me, "Did you forget
26:59anything in here?"
27:01And I said, "No, I I have my legal work.
27:03I got my little cosmetics." He said,
27:05"No.
27:06Did you forget anything in here?" And I
27:08said, "What do you mean?"
27:12He said, "If you forgot anything in
27:14here, you'll be back for it.
27:17Don't do that to me.
27:19Cuz if I find you in another prison, I'm
27:21going to break you for not listening."
27:24>> What?
27:25>> It's how much he loved me.
27:27>> Wow.
27:28So, the question, "Did you forget
27:31anything?"
27:32>> was about what that prison was.
27:35>> I see.
27:36>> And he didn't want to ever see me in
27:38another prison, cuz then I didn't listen
27:40to him.
27:42>> Oh my god, that's deep.
27:44>> I know.
27:44>> That's deep.
27:45>> And then I went home.
27:47>> And this time
27:48>> they let me out at 1:30. [clears throat]
27:51>> In the afternoon.
27:52>> out front,
27:53and I didn't complain about anything
27:55they did to me.
27:56I said, "I have two friends in the
27:59prison behind me who are innocent. Can
28:01someone help them, because I'm free?"
28:04I walked away. And they were like,
28:05"Wait, wait, wait, wait."
28:06I didn't have time for it, Loita.
28:08>> Yes.
28:09>> there to complain.
28:10>> Yes.
28:10>> Somebody else needed help now.
28:12>> Yes.
28:12>> So, I went home,
28:14and unfortunately,
28:17I ended up in the basement where my
28:19little brother died of a drug overdose
28:21that night, crying because my family was
28:23upstairs and they got drunk and were
28:25fighting. My mother was horrified that
28:28my family were up there fighting. She
28:29never drank.
28:31And my father was defending me from my
28:33siblings who were telling me I was
28:36stupid for wanting to wear a baseball
28:38cap
28:39at my first press conference,
28:42cuz I was so embarrassed for losing my
28:44hair.
28:45I didn't have the confidence to shave my
28:47head yet. My mother did that for me when
28:50she sat me down one day.
28:52But
28:53>> So, your brother died?
28:54>> And while I was in prison, he died of
28:57OxyContin overdose in my parents'
28:59basement.
29:00>> Oh, wow.
29:01>> And I had to live down there cuz my
29:03older brother got hit by a car right
29:05before I got released. So,
29:06>> goodness gracious.
29:08>> Yes, ma'am.
29:09>> Wow.
29:10>> It's fascinating to me that
29:13um
29:14I still have to live one more year
29:16before I can say I've been free for 23
29:18years in equality to the 23 years that
29:21I've lived in prison.
29:23So, I got one more year to go.
29:26Um
29:27but I've made a real effort to realize
29:29something.
29:32There's a chance for me to do good.
29:36And as such, I'd go back and do it all
29:38again.
29:40>> No.
29:41>> Yes.
29:42I've helped so many people.
29:44I realize now
29:46that as many people as I hurt as a child
29:48for being a drug addict and a fool,
29:51I've helped a lot more.
29:53And in a measurement of life, isn't that
29:56a wonderful gift?
29:59>> Wow, Nick.
30:01That is I I am speechless. I do
30:04understand what you're saying.
30:06That you have discovered the gift of
30:09life. It's a result of torture and
30:12punishment and all the evil things that
30:15happened to you on 23 years. But yet,
30:18because you found your humanity,
30:22you found in a way God.
30:24You found
30:26what it is
30:27to be happy as a human being.
30:30So, that's what you mean. That you would
30:32exchange it again to come back to that
30:35realization.
30:37>> I keep thinking about it this way.
30:39Before you were 7 years old, someone
30:41else put food in your mouth.
30:44They kept you alive until you could feed
30:46yourself, right?
30:48I think we all owe that back to life.
30:51I like that.
30:53I like it that I still have a long way
30:55to go before I pay back those 7 years.
30:58Not what's been done to me,
31:00but just those 7 years someone kept me
31:03alive to be here.
31:05And
31:06I know it's a gift, so why don't I spend
31:09my time giving and I give back?
31:11>> Is that how you became the subject of a
31:15documentary?
31:17Can you just tell about that? How did
31:18somebody discover you?
31:20>> Okay. You remember my first night home?
31:24>> Yes, you said you were in the basement.
31:26>> right?
31:27>> Yes.
31:27>> Okay.
31:29Within 10 months I was addressing the
31:31parliament and governments in England.
31:35I was standing on stage in Rome at the
31:38Colosseum with 20,000 people listening
31:4110 months after I walked out of jail,
31:44Loida.
31:46I was going around the world speaking on
31:49an economic platform against
31:51Pennsylvania to get rid of its death
31:53penalty.
31:54So powerful was my efforts the governor
31:57called my father when I got back and
31:59asked to speak to my father who said,
32:02"Imagine me calling you and begging for
32:04my son's life and you hanging up on me."
32:07And then he hung up on the governor.
32:10>> Wow.
32:11>> So you see, I took this amazing
32:14education that I gave myself and I
32:16elevated my life knowing that just
32:19because I was starting out in the
32:21basement of my parents home at the age
32:23of 42 with no money
32:26didn't mean that I did lack self-belief.
32:30And because I kept practicing my death
32:32speech so many years in my cell,
32:36I had a beautiful voice.
32:38I could reach people.
32:40And then I just had to find my message.
32:43So, I learned to develop
32:45neuroplasticity healing.
32:48I literally
32:49can explain to you what happens to your
32:51body if you go to a gym and you use
32:54weights to become tone, right?
32:57But if I gave you the keys and the
32:59secrets to neuroplasticity healing,
33:02you'll become a very healing, helpful
33:05person.
33:06>> Oh, please. Can you
33:08Can you give it to the audience?
33:09>> I am. So,
33:11there are There are Yeah.
33:12There are many facets to this, but your
33:15brain has a beautiful reward system
33:17built in.
33:19The more that you are meticulously
33:21polite to another human being,
33:23the more you're being polite to yourself
33:25and your healing. This is so amazing.
33:30If you go out and spend time in nature,
33:32pray, music, and and
33:35using animals as therapy, you're
33:38touching one level of neuroplasticity
33:40healing.
33:42But it's down to you to develop a real
33:44sense of this and put it out there.
33:47I've worked many years to develop the
33:49charm and charisma where I can go into
33:51any room and command attention because
33:55my energy
33:56has been brought to life by a sense of
34:00love and self-belief.
34:02And how did I achieve that?
34:05By going out every day and practicing,
34:08by being meticulously polite to the next
34:10person. Making that person feel
34:13wonderful makes a reward system come
34:16back to your brain, and it literally
34:18erases the pathogens back to the PTSD
34:21that destroyed your life.
34:23If you get good at this like an artist
34:27and then elevate it,
34:29you can erase anything that's been done
34:31to you in life.
34:32I've been shot, stabbed, strangled. I've
34:34had my throat slit. I've been sentenced
34:36to death. My 6-month-old daughter died
34:39of SIDS in my arms. I've had my dog die
34:41in front of me. I've been run over by a
34:43car. Been through worst diseases than
34:45most people can imagine. I've had trauma
34:48inflicted at me. I've had internet
34:50stalking. I've had everything that you
34:53can imagine happening to you in life.
34:56And I got the biggest smile going
34:58because I figured it out.
35:00I learned how to be the most polite and
35:04sweet person so that I could erase my
35:07PTSD.
35:12>> Oh my god.
35:13>> It's what you're doing right now.
35:15You're part of I sat in Central Park and
35:18I wrote you a beautiful handwritten
35:20letter like I used to do in my cell.
35:23And I miss that. I miss that
35:25connectivity of putting my thoughts into
35:28ink on paper and handing them to
35:30someone.
35:32I told your wonderful staff
35:34how I managed to circumnavigate the
35:36globe by sending mail to people around
35:39the world and including my hair and
35:42asking them to put my hair in the ocean
35:44and
35:45one of the fascinating things was one of
35:48my best pen pals was in Quezon City in
35:51the Philippines.
35:52>> My goodness, a pen pal.
35:54>> your staff come from there.
35:57So it was a real connective moment that
35:59one of their sisters 35 years ago was my
36:03pen pal and she put my hair into the
36:07seas around the Philippines.
36:10And isn't it amazing that maybe just
36:13maybe
36:14you were in those waters and you were
36:16connected to me long before we were
36:17meant to meet and here it is today
36:19>> Wow.
36:20>> the fruition of it.
36:21>> That gives me goosebumps.
36:23>> Well, you know what it is, Loyda? We've
36:25been told that we really are all of the
36:28stars in the sky, right?
36:30So, at the beginning of this whole
36:32thing, we exploded and we pulled apart,
36:35right?
36:36So, I love the idea that when I meet
36:39that part of me that was blown apart
36:41many, many billions of years ago, it's
36:44the reason I know I should love them cuz
36:46they're already part of me.
36:48>> Wow.
36:49That is incredible.
36:51>> It is because I met the energy of one of
36:53your staff and it was so clear to me.
36:56That's why I was in this chair today.
36:58And it isn't always clear to see, so you
37:01have to be careful and learn. Sometimes
37:04the energy might seem real when you go
37:06towards it, but it's not always clear to
37:09you why.
37:11So, you have to be wise enough to know
37:13which energy you should put out back.
37:16So,
37:17>> Yes.
37:17>> this has been a great learning lesson
37:19more than anything for me today. You
37:21know, this is the first time I've done a
37:23podcast forever.
37:24>> No. No.
37:26No, well, no, thank you. Thank you. And
37:28thank you for telling the audience.
37:31>> Part one.
37:33>> Part one. Part one, so
37:34>> Yeah, I wanted to just to all of the
37:37Loida Lewis listeners, please and
37:40understand this.
37:42Today, if you spent more than 2 minutes
37:44of your life watching some of this
37:45podcast, you're part of the healing of a
37:48man who was tortured.
37:50Imagine the gift you could be in your
37:52own life for those around you who need
37:55to feel that as well.
37:57>> Wow.
37:58>> [sighs]
37:58>> Here's your letter, by the way.
38:00So, I'll read it for you.
38:01>> You wrote
38:02>> Dear Loida, May 29th, 2026.
38:07Hello, my friend.
38:08I sat in the park today just so grateful
38:11to be here.
38:12Each time that I am allowed to speak, I
38:14feel a gift even to myself.
38:17How could you ever know that you are
38:19part of my healing? Yet today, you are
38:22such a gift.
38:24Thank you for letting me have a voice. I
38:26pray I was worthy of your time. With
38:28love always, Nikki.
38:30>> Oh my god.
38:31Nick, my goodness.
38:33>> Every audience Everyone on here should
38:36grant you the same grace of saying to
38:38you how much you mean to them because
38:41we're getting a chance together to touch
38:43that one person who needed me to speak
38:45today.
38:46You see,
38:47you didn't know this before this
38:49morning, but right now, I promise you,
38:51there's at least one person who sat here
38:54and listened, and they've cried, they've
38:56laughed, and they felt the love that we
38:59shared with them. And if we've achieved
39:01that, then this is not a waste of time.
39:03This is a brilliant moment.
39:06That's what I think.
39:08>> Here's a question from Rob L. How
39:10surreal is it
39:12to see your enacted life in front of you
39:15in this
39:16Broadway show? How many times have you
39:19seen the show? And are you attending the
39:21Tonys also?
39:22>> I'm going to the show tonight again, and
39:25I've seen it over 40 times.
39:27And here's the secret.
39:30I'm not watching my story. I'm my I'm
39:32watching Pink Floyd perform The Dark
39:34Side of the Moon.
39:36>> [laughter]
39:36>> Think about it this way. You get to
39:38experience the separation of achieving
39:41critical thinking where you can watch
39:43your own story,
39:45and then think about it as art,
39:48then you'll be spared the ups and downs
39:50of it all. And it's
39:52it's like nothing else. I'm the only
39:54living person on the planet with a stage
39:56play about them on Broadway.
39:58And I'm so humbled that when I go to the
40:00play, I line up at the back of the line.
40:04Like I I swear to god, every night I go
40:06to the back of the line, so everyone who
40:08paid
40:09gets to go in first.
40:11>> Oh my goodness.
40:13Wow.
40:14And so you get the empty seat.
40:16>> No, I have my own seat assigned to me. I
40:18could do the VIP treatment and go in my
40:20box and I have a beautiful box
40:23overlooking the stage and every night
40:25when Adrienne finishes, he pumps his
40:27fist at me and acknowledges me.
40:29>> Oh my goodness, gracious.
40:31>> to be there cuz he's playing me
40:34and I make an effort every time to be
40:36humble and kind to every member of
40:38staff, thank all the theater workers and
40:41tell them how much I love them for
40:42helping the audience.
40:44That's what So, see, I can't be tricked
40:46in some ego while I'm focused on that.
40:50>> Oh my god, you've got it all. Thank you.
40:53Thank you.
40:53>> Thanks for that question. That was
40:54brilliant.
40:55>> Yes. All right, this is for Lina C.
40:58What was harder?
40:59Surviving death row or learning how to
41:02live after freedom? What was the first
41:05moment after your exoneration when you
41:07felt truly free?
41:10>> Okay.
41:11That's brilliant question, by the way.
41:15What if I told you that the last 22
41:17years of my life of freedom been as hard
41:19as death row?
41:21That I spent the last 6 years of my life
41:22homeless living out of a car.
41:26That I got hit by a car in November and
41:27almost died and everybody left me there
41:29to die.
41:31And I didn't cry.
41:32I didn't complain.
41:34I got back up and I fought again.
41:42>> Every great success [music] story starts
41:44behind closed doors. Through the hard
41:46knocks, the setbacks, and the sleepless
41:49nights. But true resilience means rising
41:52above it all.
41:53After all, why should guys have all the
41:56fun? Discover the memoir by Loyda Lewis.
42:00Scan the code or click the link [music]
42:02in the show notes today.
42:08>> [music]
42:10>> As I sit here before you, I'm
42:12I have very little money.
42:14I'm not doing this for gain.
42:16I'm doing this because someone like you
42:19really needs to learn this. It's not
42:21what you have, it's who you are.
42:23It's not what you get, it's who you are.
42:26Who are you?
42:31>> And this is from IVA.
42:33Was there ever a moment when you
42:35completely lost hope? Was there ever a
42:37moment when you felt God
42:39was completely absent?
42:44>> I tried to hate God, curse God,
42:47think God was a liar.
42:49So, then I challenged myself and read
42:51all the world's religions. Then I was
42:53handed a newspaper with the DNA
42:56helix on the front page.
42:59>> That was God's answer.
43:01>> That is a wonderful way to find out God
43:03is real.
43:05I had moments
43:07like that courthouse being struck by
43:09lightning that reaffirmed it.
43:11And I know I'm not supposed to be here.
43:14So, when I go in the restaurant, they
43:15ask me if I have any allergies, I say
43:17yes. I say death.
43:20My only allergy is death.
43:23>> [laughter]
43:26>> I believe
43:28unlike everyone else,
43:31I believe this.
43:34I am E
43:36= mc². I am energy.
43:40And I don't know where my energy is
43:41going to go.
43:43I do have a hope for where it's going to
43:45go.
43:47So, if I don't damage this energy that I
43:49hold now any further,
43:52maybe, just maybe it goes the right way.
43:56So, whatever your religion is, be a good
43:59Muslim, be a good Christian, be a good
44:01Jew, be whatever it is that you read
44:05that's an instruction book on how to be
44:07a good human being.
44:10And as long as you do that, I love you.
44:13>> [sighs and gasps]
44:14>> Oh my god. If someone listened to this
44:16episode while driving home, what is the
44:19one lesson or insight or feeling you
44:22would like them to remember? And this is
44:24from June R.
44:27>> Remember this one. You forgive
44:31to the level of love you give a human
44:33being.
44:36You forgive to the level of love.
44:41That is the greatest lesson I can teach
44:43you, June.
44:44Because
44:46when you over forgive and you let people
44:48walk on you, that's not based on a a
44:52fairness to you.
44:54When you don't forgive and you hold on
44:57to that, that's a unfairness to you.
45:00So, when you learn how to forgive to the
45:02level that you love someone, you'll have
45:05a balance in your life. And I know you
45:07needed to hear that.
45:10>> Ladies and gentlemen, you just heard the
45:13story, the confession of a truly alive
45:17man
45:18who has joy in spite of all the things
45:21that you heard, the horrible things. And
45:23he's still here sharing the joy of being
45:27alive.
45:28So, that's a gift. Nick, that's a gift.
45:32And I hope all of you who's listening,
45:34who have heard his story, never despair.
45:37What he's doing now is love. He's
45:40exuding love. And you know, you have
45:43Saint John of the Cross statement that I
45:46love. At the end in the evening of life,
45:50we will be judged on love alone.
45:53>> Love alone.
45:53>> On love alone, and that's what you're
45:55exuding.
45:56>> Yeah, everyone needs to know this. Your
45:59pain could be someone else's good.
46:02Isn't that amazing?
46:03My going to death row for 23 years
46:06turned into the play The Fear of Their
46:08Team with Adrien Brody and Tessa
46:09Thompson.
46:11But more importantly,
46:13it has brought healing to people who
46:15attended the play and their hearts were
46:17open from it.
46:19So, imagine
46:20that painful day you got in a car wreck
46:23could actually someday be this enormous
46:26good for someone else and you can't even
46:28know it.
46:30So, don't despair. It's a long journey.
46:33And like Loyda says,
46:35each new person is a new energy. So,
46:37share it with someone.
46:39Goodbye and thank you.
46:43>> All right. There you have it.
46:46Nick Yarris,
46:48a story of love. So, thank [music] you
46:50to all of you
46:52for listening to the Loyda Lewis
46:54podcast. Let's live, love, laugh, and
46:58learn [music] together.
46:59>> Thank you.
47:00>> Thank you. Oh my god, Nick. You Yes,
47:04really.
47:05>> [music]
47:05>> The Loyda Lewis podcast, hosted by Loyda
47:08Lewis,
47:12is produced [music] by the creators of
47:14Over a Glass or Two, Jesse and JV,
47:17executive [music] produced by Laura
47:19Nicholas Olace.
47:22Rate and review us [music] on Spotify
47:24and Apple Podcasts for a chance to be
47:26featured on a future episode.
47:29Have a question for Miss Loyda?
47:32Just email [music] us on
47:33[email protected].
47:35Your question might make its way to a
47:37future episode.
47:42Subscribe on all major platforms to
47:44never miss a beat.
47:52Thank you for listening to the Loyda
47:54Lewis podcast.
47:56Let's live, love, laugh, and learn
47:59together.

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