The Freedom to Rest | Janelle Peifer | TEDxYouth@RVA — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Reviewer: Rhonda Jacobs
2. 0:04Hustle culture always demands more,
3. 0:08while minimizing the pain, stress and trauma embedded within it.
4. 0:15“Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.
5. 0:18Work two or maybe three jobs.
6. 0:21And don't forget to turn your only hobby into a profitable side hustle.
7. 0:26Take care of everyone in your extended network, family and community.
8. 0:31And somehow in the crumbs of time that are left, find space for rest.”
9. 0:39Why are we as individuals and as a larger society
10. 0:44so very bad at slowing down to actually rest?
11. 0:52I know, as a psychologist, that rest can feel foreign or even unsafe
12. 0:58for those who have experienced trauma.
13. 1:02At the same time, I know that developing a relationship with rest,
14. 1:07and I mean real rest, can transform and heal us.
15. 1:15So what do I mean when I say “trauma”?
16. 1:18Trauma refers to an event
17. 1:20that elicits significant feelings of horror or helplessness or distress.
18. 1:26Traumatic events often involve death or threaten death
19. 1:29or serious injury of some type, but not always.
20. 1:34Traumatic events are wide ranging and can include everything
21. 1:38from existing in the context of ongoing racial discrimination
22. 1:43to intimate partner violence to existing in a global pandemic.
23. 1:50Traumas aren’t rare.
24. 1:52Seventy percent of people report
25. 1:54experiencing at least one traumatic event in their lifetime,
26. 1:58and as researchers, we know that number is probably much higher,
27. 2:03especially in the context of a pandemic
28. 2:07that left over 7 million children without a caregiver.
29. 2:13We are at a point of reckoning.
30. 2:17Right now, in this era of massive burnout, exhaustion, disillusionment,
31. 2:23our bodies, our minds and spirits are calling out for rest.
32. 2:29We have the opportunity to understand
33. 2:32the crossroads of trauma and rest like never before.
34. 2:38Well, before I go any deeper into this,
35. 2:42I think it’s important that I self-disclose.
36. 2:44I’m a hypocrite.
37. 2:46(Laughter)
38. 2:48I stand before you today, licensed clinical psychologist,
39. 2:52assistant professor, mother of two beautiful children
40. 2:56and a bona fide hypocrite with a capital H.
41. 3:01I offer this so as to disabuse you right out of the gate
42. 3:05of any notion that you may have that I’m some enlightened expert,
43. 3:09descended from the mountaintop to lay some knowledge on you.
44. 3:14No.
45. 3:16Growing up, I internalized every message embedded within racial trauma
46. 3:21that as a Black person, I need to work twice as hard for half as much.
47. 3:27That rest is a luxury that’s meant for other people, never for me.
48. 3:32And that as a Black woman,
49. 3:33I need to be above reproach in every space that I occupy.
50. 3:41So,
51. 3:43how can we, against the odds, reclaim a relationship with rest?
52. 3:52If your journey with rest looks complex and messy,
53. 3:58I invite you to put away the Instagram or TikTok vision of perfect rest,
54. 4:04and with some of that space freed up be able to self-author
55. 4:09what meaningful, restorative rest might look like for you.
56. 4:15So, our relationship with rest often points to our traumatic wounds,
57. 4:22and traumas tend to communicate a few messages loud and clear -
58. 4:26that we’re worthless, the world is unsafe,
59. 4:30and we can’t really trust ourself or other people.
60. 4:34In that context, it makes sense that rest can feel pretty terrifying.
61. 4:40So,
62. 4:41in order to heal some of those wounds,
63. 4:46I don’t think that there’s any one quick fix or magic bullet,
64. 4:51but I propose three steps that can at least get us started in the journey.
65. 4:57So for number one, we examine our rest narrative,
66. 5:02also known as the stories we tell ourselves about rest.
67. 5:07For most of us, those stories start in our childhood.
68. 5:10Some of them were messages that we heard explicitly:
69. 5:14“You can rest when you’re dead.”
70. 5:15(Laughter)
71. 5:17Others we picked up implicitly,
72. 5:19observing what we saw in our family system and communities.
73. 5:24So any practice that allows you to reflect intentionally
74. 5:29on what both the unconscious and conscious elements of your rest stories are
75. 5:34can be helpful in sussing out your rest narrative.
76. 5:37It may be a journaling practice
77. 5:39where you write out aspects of your rest narrative.
78. 5:43You may do it in video, telling your rest stories to yourself.
79. 5:46You may do it as part of a community,
80. 5:48where you share your rest stories and also hear others’ narratives as well.
81. 5:55For step two,
82. 5:57I think it’s important to inventory the resources that you have for rest,
83. 6:01thinking about assets and deficits,
84. 6:05being able to reflect on: When do I rest best and most restoratively?
85. 6:09What are elements of those experiences?
86. 6:12What support do I need in my relationships, in my community,
87. 6:16at my workplaces that enable me to rest?
88. 6:21Once you've looked at these resources,
89. 6:23you’re well situated for step number three:
90. 6:26develop individualized, tailored, rest action steps.
91. 6:32In the behavioral sciences,
92. 6:34we know that goals without specific plans tend to flop.
93. 6:40So think about the specific,
94. 6:42measurable and really achievable actions that you can take.
95. 6:48They don’t need to be huge, and in fact, they probably shouldn’t be.
96. 6:52It may be practicing a new sleep hygiene technique,
97. 6:55or committing to at least twice a week taking a proper lunch away from your desk,
98. 7:01or even thinking about planning your next vacation
99. 7:04as soon as you return from your last one.
100. 7:10These steps are beginnings not endpoints
101. 7:14that in and of themself can correct entire traumatic systems
102. 7:18that make rest so difficult.
103. 7:23But at the same time,
104. 7:25even the individual act of rest is a powerful thing.
105. 7:31A rested world has more capacity for kindness, compassion and creativity.
106. 7:40Rest has the ability to help us heal traumatic wounds
107. 7:44that keep us from living our most expansive and free lives.
108. 7:52I encourage you to move away from the perfectionistic pursuit
109. 7:57of checking every external box of approval
110. 8:02and engage in the type of rest
111. 8:05that changes your life and the world for the better.
112. 8:10You deserve it.
113. 8:14(Applause)