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The Difference Between a Stylish and Distinguished Home — Transcript

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0:00There are plenty of homes that you could
0:01describe as stylish. The furniture is
0:04attractive, the colors work together,
0:06and the artwork is good. You walk in and
0:08can tell almost immediately that whoever
0:10put the room together has taste. But
0:12every once in a while, you walk into a
0:14home and get a different impression. It
0:16feels settled with a quiet confidence of
0:19substance and permanence. Maybe the
0:21furniture doesn't match perfectly. Some
0:23of it might be old. There may be things
0:25in the room you wouldn't have thought to
0:26buy yourself, and the owner may not be
0:29particularly concerned with whatever
0:31happens to be fashionable right now.
0:33Still, the room has presence. It feels
0:36like it belongs in that house and, more
0:38importantly, like it belongs to the
0:39person who lives there. My name is
0:41Chaudry, and today we're talking about
0:43that difference. If you're a returning
0:45subscriber, hit the thumbs up. If you're
0:47new here, hopefully by the end of this
0:48video, you'll be a subscriber. Remember
0:50that if you would like our help in
0:52designing your room, you can have that
0:54help by clicking the link in the
0:56description below.
0:58People have become very good at creating
1:00stylish homes. We have more inspiration
1:03available to us than anyone could
1:04reasonably need. You can find a room
1:06online that you appreciate, try to order
1:08similar pieces, and within a few weeks,
1:11have a replicated version of it sitting
1:13in your own house. It may not be exact,
1:16but you can tell where the inspiration
1:17came from. This raises an interesting
1:19question. What separates a home that
1:22looks good from one that feels genuinely
1:24distinguished? I think it begins when
1:26the room becomes increasingly difficult
1:29from the person living in it. Here's a
1:31fairly simple way to test this. Look
1:32around one of your rooms and ask
1:34yourself how much of it another person
1:36could recreate simply by knowing where
1:38you shop. If I know where your sofa came
1:40from, where you bought the coffee table,
1:42who sells the rug, and where you find
1:44your artwork, could I reproduce most of
1:46the room by next weekend? Maybe I could,
1:49and maybe that's not bad, but it might
1:51explain why something about it still
1:53feels a little generic. Distinction has
1:55a lot to do with how difficult the room
1:57would be to duplicate. You could spend
1:59an enormous amount of money on a
2:00recognizable designer chandelier, a
2:02luxury sectional, a marble coffee table,
2:05and expensive accessories. The result
2:07may be exceptional, but what do those
2:10things do? Well, they tell us quite a
2:12bit about what a person can afford
2:14without telling us very much about the
2:16person. Now, imagine a different room.
2:19Maybe there's an old chest the owner
2:20found years ago, and above it hangs a
2:22painting he bought long before he had an
2:25idea of where it would eventually live.
2:27The leather chair nearby has been used
2:29enough that the arms are beginning to
2:30show it. On the shelf are books that
2:32look as though someone has actually
2:34opened them, and somewhere on the desk
2:36is a small object that belonged to his
2:38grandfather. None of these things need
2:40to be especially valuable. What matters
2:43is that they came from somewhere. There
2:45is significance in their provenance.
2:48Some of them carry history, and others
2:49have simply been allowed to age. More
2:52importantly, they weren't all purchased
2:53during the same weekend with the
2:55intention of completing the room. That's
2:57very difficult to manufacture all at
2:59once. The suggestion isn't that you turn
3:01your house into an antique store, just a
3:04few things that have arrived by
3:05different paths. Perhaps something was
3:07made by a craftsman whose work you
3:09admire. Another piece may have been
3:11inherited, found while traveling, or
3:13kept because you grew attached to it
3:15over time. It could be original artwork
3:17or an old piece of furniture that wasn't
3:19technically what you were looking for,
3:21but was interesting enough that you
3:23decided to make room for it. Really,
3:25it's anything unusual enough that I
3:27can't immediately look at it and tell
3:29you which store it came from. So, when
3:31you're buying something significant for
3:33your home, ask why it should be there.
3:36The answer doesn't need to be profound.
3:38Maybe it's attractive, or you appreciate
3:40the craftsmanship every time you use it.
3:41Maybe it solves a problem unusually
3:43well. It might have some history
3:45attached to it, or you just happen to
3:47love the thing. That's enough. Not
3:49everything in your house needs a
3:50profound story attached to it. That
3:52would become exhausting very quickly.
3:54But if nearly everything can be
3:56exchanged for something similar without
3:58changing the character of the room,
4:00eventually the house itself begins to
4:01feel interchangeable.
4:04There's another thing stylish rooms have
4:06the tendency to do. They try very hard.
4:08You see it most clearly when every
4:10available surface has been given
4:11something to say with a megaphone. The
4:14coffee table gets styled and once that's
4:16finished, we move over to the console.
4:18Before long, the mantel has its own
4:20arrangement, artwork has found its way
4:22onto nearly every wall, and even the
4:24corner that was perfectly happy being
4:26empty now has a chair sitting in it. The
4:28room never shuts up. A more refined room
4:31usually has moments of visual silence.
4:33An important painting may become
4:35important because there's nothing
4:37hanging beside it. The same thing can
4:39happen with furniture. Let's say you
4:40have a stunning, beautifully rich chest
4:43cabinet. It probably only needs a solid
4:45lamp rather than an arrangement of
4:47decorative objects trying to justify the
4:50surface. Even a dining table can become
4:52a victim of this. We assume that because
4:54it has a large empty surface, it needs
4:57to be filled with something. Sometimes
4:59the table is enough.
5:01This is one of those places where a
5:02homeowner and a designer can look at
5:04exactly the same thing and see two
5:07different problems. The homeowner
5:08notices an empty wall and thinks
5:10something is missing. While the designer
5:13may see the breathing room that's
5:14allowing everything else to work. You
5:16notice a corner without a chair and
5:18begin wondering what would fit there.
5:20The answer is that maybe nothing should.
5:23Because once you've asked everything in
5:25a room to be interesting, you've made it
5:27very difficult for anything to be
5:28important. So instead of walking through
5:31your living room this weekend asking
5:32what else it needs, try going in the
5:34opposite direction. Figure out what
5:36deserves the most authority. In the
5:38family room, could it be the fireplace?
5:40In the study, maybe a painting you've
5:42owned for years? If one of the rooms in
5:44your home has a breathtaking view, can
5:46we arrange the furniture so that view is
5:49the highlight? Once you know what
5:50deserves the attention, the rest of the
5:52room becomes easier to judge. And then
5:54ask yourself a slightly less comfortable
5:56question. What could I remove? And then
5:59resist the urge to replace. Take
6:01something away and leave the space open
6:03for a while. You may discover that the
6:05room wasn't missing anything. It had
6:07just never stopped accumulating things.
6:10Coordination is another place where we
6:11can get stuck. It usually starts
6:13innocently enough. You buy a walnut
6:16coffee table, like the way it looks, and
6:18decide the console should probably be
6:19walnut, too. By the time you're choosing
6:21side tables, walnut has stopped being
6:23one material in the room and has become
6:25a rule. The same thing happens with
6:27finishes. Someone might start with black
6:29hardware, then the lamps become black
6:31because they wanted to repeat it,
6:33followed by the curtain rods, and before
6:35long, they're searching for somewhere
6:36else to use black simply because the
6:38room has established a pattern. It's the
6:41home interior version of a 1970s R&B
6:43group. Technically, it's coordinated,
6:46but the repetition can become
6:47overbearing.
6:48>> [snorts]
6:48>> A more developed interior doesn't always
6:50explain itself quite so easily. An
6:52antique trunk can sit beside a clean
6:54modern sofa without either one looking
6:56misplaced. You might find a contemporary
6:59painting hanging in a very traditional
7:01library, or a modern steel lamp sitting
7:03on an old writing desk. Even something
7:05as worn as a battered leather chair can
7:08look completely at home against a crisp
7:10new millwork. Those things don't
7:11technically match, but it's possible for
7:13them to form a suitable pairing.
7:15Matching is obvious because you can
7:16usually identify the relationship
7:18immediately. The color repeats, the wood
7:21repeats, the finish repeats. It's not
7:24hard to come across a setup where all
7:25the pieces came from the same furniture
7:27collection. Belonging is harder to
7:30explain. Sometimes the pieces have a
7:32similar visual weight, even though
7:33they're from completely different time
7:35periods. Other times, their proportions
7:37work well together, or both have enough
7:39substance and quality that neither makes
7:42the other feel cheap. And occasionally,
7:44one material simply gives the other
7:46something that was missing. That's how
7:48you can walk into a sophisticated room
7:50containing furniture from completely
7:52different periods and never question
7:54whether it works. The pieces feel as
7:56though they arrived at different times
7:58from different places and eventually
8:00found one another. So, if you have a
8:02piece of furniture you love and you're
8:04considering getting rid of it because it
8:06doesn't technically match the style
8:08you're moving toward, don't make that
8:10decision too quickly. Forget the style
8:12label for a moment and look at the
8:14object itself. Does the scale work? Is
8:17the material good? Does it have enough
8:18visual weight for the room? And is there
8:20some character to it that would be
8:22difficult to replace? That piece could
8:24be exactly what needs to be there.
8:27Having unlimited access to inspiration
8:29has created an odd problem. We see a
8:31style we gravitate toward and
8:33immediately begin figuring out how to
8:35impose it on whatever house we happen to
8:37own. You see an incredible English
8:39library and decide that's what your room
8:41should become. Or you find some severe
8:44minimalist interior and suddenly the
8:46whole house is heading in that
8:47direction. Meanwhile, the house may be
8:49asking for something else entirely. If
8:51you take a contemporary high-rise
8:53apartment and load it with faux historic
8:56English detailing, at some point it
8:58begins to feel like a stage set. The
9:00opposite can happen just as easily.
9:02Strip every bit of architectural
9:04character out of a traditional home in
9:06pursuit of extreme minimalism and the
9:08result can feel unnatural, even when the
9:11individual decisions are tasteful. The
9:13same thing happens with scale. A modest
9:15room with an 8-ft ceiling can feel
9:16ridiculous when it's filled with
9:18enormous furniture designed to have
9:20presence in a luxury showroom. The
9:22furniture isn't necessarily the problem.
9:24It may simply belong somewhere else. A
9:27distinguished interior should feel
9:28appropriate for the home it's in. That
9:31doesn't mean everything has to follow
9:32the architecture perfectly. A
9:34traditional house can handle modern
9:36furniture just as an older piece can
9:38bring some character into a newer home.
9:40The contrast is often part of what makes
9:42the room interesting, but you shouldn't
9:44have to ignore the house to make the
9:46style work. Here's an exercise I think
9:49is useful. Imagine that tomorrow morning
9:51every piece of furniture in the room
9:52disappears. What's left? You're left
9:55with the shape and proportions of the
9:56room itself. The ceiling is still the
9:59same height, natural light is still
10:00entering through the same windows.
10:02Whatever trim, flooring, or fireplace
10:04the house gave you is still there along
10:06with the view outside. All of that was
10:08part of the room before you went
10:10shopping. So, what is the room asking to
10:12become? This is one of the larger
10:14differences between decorating at the
10:16level of objects and designing the room
10:18itself. As a homeowner, it's very easy
10:21to walk around mentally filling blanks.
10:24You need a chair over there, a rug
10:26underneath this, a lamp in the corner,
10:28and something for that wall. What might
10:30be beneficial is trying to understand
10:32the structure beneath those decisions.
10:34Where does the room need visual weight?
10:36What do you see when you first enter?
10:38Which part should feel important and
10:40which areas should be allowed to recede?
10:43And how much is the architecture already
10:45answering those questions before we've
10:47brought anything into the room? Only
10:49then do the objects really enter the
10:51conversation. This is a tough lesson to
10:53learn that buying better things doesn't
10:55always fix the room. Especially tough
10:57when you've spent a bunch of money on
10:59them and had their delivery coordinated
11:01to your home. You've been trying to
11:03solve a problem with individual objects
11:05when the problem exists at the level of
11:07the space itself. Something else to keep
11:09in mind is that sometimes your furniture
11:11isn't cheap looking, it's too small.
11:14Scale is a perfect example of this. I've
11:16seen rooms filled with attractive,
11:18expensive furniture that somehow still
11:20feels unimpressive. It's a matter of
11:22paying attention to how the pieces
11:24relate to one another. The sofa has a
11:26lamp beside it that seems insignificant
11:28by comparison. Across the room, a long
11:30console is visually carrying almost an
11:33entire wall. If the artwork hanging
11:35above it occupies only a small patch in
11:38the middle, you can see this in bedrooms
11:39as well. A king bed has enormous visual
11:42weight, but if the nightstands beside it
11:44are too small, they don't feel like
11:46they're supporting the composition. They
11:47feel as though they were squeezed into
11:49whatever space happened to remain. These
11:51are just examples of what you see at eye
11:53level. Then you look down. There's a rug
11:55that's technically underneath the
11:56furniture, but is dwarfed by the
11:58arrangement sitting on top of it. A
12:00coffee table can have the same problem
12:02when it's sitting in the center of a
12:03large seating group with too much empty
12:05space surrounding it. These items don't
12:08have the physical presence to do the job
12:11they're being assigned, which then leads
12:13to the natural reaction to upgrade their
12:15quality. Sometimes people replace a lamp
12:17with a more expensive one when the
12:19problem wasn't its quality at all. It
12:21was its size. The same thing happens
12:23with artwork. A piece can seem
12:25unimpressive simply because it doesn't
12:26carry enough authority for that
12:29particular wall. Furniture and
12:30architecture also need to feel
12:32convincing in relation to one another. A
12:34nightstand should look substantial
12:36enough beside the bed, just as a coffee
12:38table needs enough presence to occupy
12:40the seating area around it. Curtains
12:43need enough fabric to properly frame a
12:45window, and the rug underneath all of
12:47this should help pull the furniture
12:49together rather than sitting there like
12:51a decorative island. Distinguished rooms
12:54tend to have a certain conviction of
12:55scale. The important pieces are
12:58substantial enough to perform the visual
13:00job they've been asked to do. What's
13:02interesting about many of the materials
13:04we associate with established interiors
13:06is that they don't remain perfect. They
13:09age. A good leather chair slowly changes
13:11wherever it's repeatedly handled and
13:13used. Brass that began as bright and
13:16uniform develops a patina, while wood
13:19inevitably picks up the small marks that
13:21come from living with it. Certain
13:22natural materials soften or darken over
13:25for becoming a little less perfect than
13:27they were when they first arrived. In
13:29many cases, that's part of what makes
13:30them better. Compare that with a
13:32material that's designed to imitate the
13:34same thing. Bonded leather can look
13:36convincing when it's new, but instead of
13:38developing character, it eventually
13:40starts peeling apart. A plated metal has
13:42a similar problem once enough wear
13:44exposes whatever the finish was
13:46covering. And after 15 years, disposable
13:48furniture doesn't mature in a good way.
13:50It just looks old. So, when we're buying
13:52something we expect to keep, the
13:54question arises, what is this going to
13:56look like after 10 years of living with
13:58it? In every passing year, will it look
14:01like it barely made it out alive, or
14:03will it become even more convincing in
14:05its solidity?
14:06Style can exist on the day that a room
14:08is finished. Distinction has the ability
14:11to improve with time. Now, if authentic
14:13materials aren't realistic everywhere,
14:15there's no reason to force them
14:17everywhere. They matter most in the
14:19places where our relationship with the
14:20room becomes physical. A chair that's
14:23used every evening matters more than
14:24something tucked into a corner that
14:26nobody touches. The same is true of the
14:28hardware we handle every day. The
14:30woodwork seen up close, or a lamp
14:32sitting within arm's reach. Every square
14:34inch of the house does not need to be
14:36blanketed in the best that money can
14:38buy, but it's certainly nice to
14:40experience quality in the items that we
14:43interact with the most. Lighting works
14:45the same way. A lot of rooms are
14:47designed around one very simple
14:49objective, make everything visible. So,
14:51we fill the ceiling with recessed
14:52lights, turn them all on, and give every
14:54surface roughly the same amount of
14:56illumination. Everything is absolutely
14:58visible, but the room can end up with
15:00almost no depth. One of the easiest ways
15:03to see the difference is to turn off the
15:05overhead lighting at night and leave the
15:06lamps on. Certain parts of the room
15:08immediately begin establishing
15:10territories. A table lamp creates a
15:12small pool of warmth around a chair,
15:15while a floor lamp can turn another part
15:16of the room into a place for reading
15:19without physically separating it from
15:20anything else. Light over a painting
15:22gives the artwork more authority. A A
15:24chandelier does something similar for a
15:26dining table. Then the edges of the room
15:28begin to recede a little and everything
15:30is no longer asking for attention.
15:32Lighting a room isn't just to show the
15:34hierarchy that's already there. It can
15:36be what creates the hierarchy itself. It
15:39directs our attention toward what
15:40matters and allows everything else to
15:42settle into the background. A strong
15:44room doesn't need every object competing
15:46for equal attention and it doesn't need
15:48every surface equally illuminated,
15:50either. I think it's quite obvious that
15:52we talk a lot about creating the
15:54masculine home. It would be odd if we
15:55didn't with a name like The Masculine
15:57Home. But there's a trap in that for
16:00those who haven't had time to watch a
16:01lot of our videos or read our
16:03publications. It's very easy to
16:05recognize the things our culture has
16:07decided look masculine and begin
16:09collecting them. Before long, there's a
16:10leather chair in the room, a whiskey
16:12decanter sitting somewhere, some vintage
16:14objects, and automobile photography on
16:17the wall. These things are not bad.
16:19They're great. But there's a caveat. If
16:21they're genuinely part of someone's
16:23life, they probably belong there. But a
16:25person who doesn't drink whiskey isn't
16:27expressing his personality by putting a
16:29decanter on a bar cart. That's
16:32decoration pretending to be personality.
16:34A personal home usually contains
16:36evidence of use. Someone who reads will
16:38naturally have books gathering around
16:40the places where he reads them. Someone
16:43who enjoys whiskey has a reason for the
16:45cabinet nearby because it gets opened
16:47and used. Records, watches, photography,
16:50maps, books, or sporting memorabilia can
16:52all find their way into a room when
16:55they're connected to a genuine interest.
16:57They don't need to be introduced
16:59afterward as a decorative evidence of a
17:01personality.
17:02Furniture arrangements can also tell us
17:04something about the person living there.
17:05Someone who entertains constantly has a
17:07reason to arrange a room around
17:09comfortable conversation. So, instead of
17:11constantly asking how a home can be made
17:13to reflect personality, consider what
17:15actually happens in the room. There's a
17:17useful place to begin. The room can then
17:19develop around that answer. That's
17:21personalization through behavior rather
17:24than decoration. And I think that's why
17:25some homes feel personal without
17:27appearing to try. One contains evidence
17:29of somebody's life. The other contains
17:31things that were purchased to represent
17:33one.
17:34Here is a statement you won't hear often
17:36in the interior design world. Some
17:38people shouldn't like your house.
17:40Eventually, if we take all of this far
17:42enough, we run into the fact that not
17:44everyone is going to like the result.
17:45That's unavoidable. When the goal is to
17:47create a home that everyone approves of,
17:49the decisions become safe and boring.
17:51The person who tries to be liked by
17:53everyone stands for nothing. When people
17:55choose the sofa that nobody dislikes,
17:58materials everyone recognizes, and
18:00artwork unlikely to cause much
18:02disagreement, eventually the room
18:04settles into a palette we've all seen
18:06work a hundred times before. But the
18:08more specific a person's taste becomes,
18:11the greater the chance that somebody
18:12else won't share that. One person finds
18:15joy and contentment living with dark
18:17green walls, while another might find it
18:19gloomy. Someone else can find an old
18:21writing desk and decide it's worth
18:22giving up a considerable amount of floor
18:25space to have it, while someone else
18:27cannot figure out for the life of them
18:30why someone would have a writing desk.
18:32We have computers now.
18:34Interests are another inclusion that can
18:35lead a room to becoming even more
18:37specific. A fascination with military
18:39history can become visible in a study. A
18:42strange painting can remain on the wall
18:44for 20 years simply because the owner
18:46has some attachment to it, even though a
18:48designer probably wouldn't have chosen
18:50that particular piece. That's the price
18:53of specificity. It creates identity, but
18:56it also excludes. To clarify, this is
18:58not a suggestion to go on a rampage of
19:00questionable and strange decision-making
19:03simply for the sake of being different
19:05and attempting to present yourself as a
19:07unique individual. That's just another
19:09kind of performance. I'm talking about
19:11being able to make a considered
19:13decision. Understand perfectly well that
19:16it won't appeal to everyone and still
19:17say, "That's fine. It's my preference."
19:19Because once every decision in a house
19:21has been filtered through what other
19:23people are expected to approve of, the
19:25very things capable of making the place
19:27personal are now lost.
19:30All of the things we've spoke about
19:31today are not against having a stylish
19:33home. Style still matters. So does
19:35coordination, good furniture, and simply
19:37knowing how to put a room together
19:39properly. A distinguished home is what
19:41begins to happen after those things are
19:43understood. We start with a room that
19:45works, but over time our attention
19:47shifts away from judging every purchase
19:49as an isolated object. We become more
19:52aware of what that object is doing to
19:54the room around it. Architecture starts
19:56influencing the decisions that follow,
19:58and scale becomes something we begin to
20:01recognize rather than measure
20:03numerically. There's also less pressure
20:05to make everything participate equally.
20:07One thing can carry a room without being
20:09surrounded by several other objects
20:11fighting for the same attention. Pieces
20:14from different periods can remain
20:15because matching is no longer the
20:17requirement for belonging. Our purchase
20:19behavior will evolve as we become more
20:21in tune with distinguishment. More
20:23attention goes towards materials that
20:25will still look convincing after 10
20:27years of use, while there's less
20:28eagerness to replace the pieces that
20:30have already acquired some history.
20:32Habits and interests find their way into
20:35the room naturally. They don't need to
20:36announce themselves as personal touches
20:38because they're part of the way the
20:40house is lived in. And eventually, we
20:42become better at knowing when to stop.
20:44There comes a point where another
20:46attractive thing no longer improves the
20:47room. Sometimes the empty wall is better
20:50left alone. The old chair deserves to
20:52stay, and the unusual painting that has
20:54been around for years works precisely
20:57because someone else wouldn't have
20:59chosen it. That's really what we're
21:00talking about. Style can be selected and
21:03purchased. With enough access to the
21:05same references, it can even be copied.
21:07Distinction is harder. At some point,
21:10the architecture becomes intertwined
21:12with the things that have been kept and
21:14used, the habits of the people living
21:16there, their particular tastes, and the
21:18simple passing of time. Once that
21:21happens, copying the furniture to
21:22replicate the home is no longer enough.
21:25You'd have to copy the life of the
21:27person who lives there.
21:29>> [snorts]
21:29>> If you like the video, hit the thumbs
21:30up. If you feel like sticking around a
21:32while, feel free to subscribe.
21:34See you in the next one.
21:38>> [music]
21:47[music]

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This page contains the full transcript of The Difference Between a Stylish and Distinguished Home by The Masculine Home, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 4,069 words across 639 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

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