The Demise of Guys | Phillip Zimbardo — Transcript

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1. 0:05[Applause]
2. 0:06[Music]
3. 0:13Um, I gave a TED talk a few years ago uh
4. 0:17in which I didn't sound the alarm loud
5. 0:19enough that guys are failing. Uh, they
6. 0:22are failing academically, they are
7. 0:23failing socially, and they're flaming
8. 0:25out sexually with women. What does it
9. 0:27mean failing academically? uh guys are
10. 0:30dropping out at 30%. Only 42% of guys
11. 0:32are graduating uh with BAS. Uh 70% of
12. 0:37all
13. 0:38uh DNF grades are going to guys. Uh the
14. 0:41majority of of uh guys are in special ed
15. 0:45programs. Uh FL wiping out socially with
16. 0:48girls. I've been studying shyness for 40
17. 0:50years. The level of shyness among boys
18. 0:53is higher than it's ever been,
19. 0:55especially one-on-one with with girls.
20. 0:57Why? They don't know social
21. 0:59communication. They have no social
22. 1:01skills. And so it's a new kind of
23. 1:03shyness. It's a social awkwardness. It's
24. 1:05like being in a foreign country and not
25. 1:07knowing the language. They don't know
26. 1:08the language of social communication,
27. 1:10especially with girls. Flaming out
28. 1:13sexually. They are confusing and
29. 1:15preferring porn sex to real sex. Why?
30. 1:19Because porn sex is available. It's
31. 1:20free. It's easy. Uh it's um no
32. 1:24complications, no emotional no emotional
33. 1:26uh involvement. Um it also means that
34. 1:30there's no romance, no love, no kissing,
35. 1:32no touching and it's no performance
36. 1:35anxiety. Uh what are the reasons for
37. 1:38this? We think there are five main
38. 1:39factors. America is now leading the
39. 1:41world, industrialized world in
40. 1:43fatherlessness. Between one and onethird
41. 1:46and 40% of all boys are now growing up
42. 1:48without a father. This used to be true
43. 1:50in the minority community. It's now true
44. 1:52in uh all of the communities. Uh when
45. 1:55fathers are present, they spend on
46. 1:58average 30 minutes talking with their
47. 2:00son in one-on-one conversation. That
48. 2:02same kid spends 44 hours a week uh uh in
49. 2:06a digital world. So what's the message
50. 2:09there? We want to get uh ne secondly is
51. 2:12by me. You got to perform. Whoops. Go
52. 2:16back. I'm sorry.
53. 2:20So mothers give love unconditionally.
54. 2:23They love you because you exist. They're
55. 2:24happy that their son is is in a room.
56. 2:26He's not in trouble. Fathers give love
57. 2:28conditionally. You got to
58. 2:31perform. 40% of all American children
59. 2:34grow up without a father physically
60. 2:36present. Now the problem is mothers give
61. 2:39love unconditionally. I love you because
62. 2:41you're my child. Because you exist. For
63. 2:44fathers they give their love condition.
64. 2:45You got to perform. You got to put out.
65. 2:47I mean, so coming home with a CRD is
66. 2:49unacceptable, you know, so you're not
67. 2:50going to get all out, you're not going
68. 2:52to drive the car, whatever it is. Guys
69. 2:54no longer have that male imperative of
70. 2:58if you want to be loved and respected by
71. 3:00me, you got to
72. 3:04perform. So guys are five times five
73. 3:06times more likely uh to have attention
74. 3:09deficit disorder, many more times likely
75. 3:11to be put on uh very heavy medication
76. 3:14which affects them in very serious ways.
77. 3:16If there was a draft, uh, our generals
78. 3:18tell us there are not enough young men
79. 3:20who can meet the most minimal physical
80. 3:22standards. So they think of it as a
81. 3:24national disaster. Uh, uh, feminization
82. 3:27of schools. Elementary schools, primary
83. 3:30schools now have only one male for every
84. 3:33nine teachers. We know boys brains
85. 3:35develop differently, more slowly.
86. 3:37Schools are no longer fit places for
87. 3:39boys uh, to
88. 3:41m uh, overage and online porn. The
89. 3:44highspeed internet has changes
90. 3:46everything. Porn is available 24/7
91. 3:48around the world. There are hundreds and
92. 3:50hundreds of porn channels. Uh and kids
93. 3:53get cha trapped in what I call a present
94. 3:56hedenistic time zone with no sense of
95. 3:58the future. Uh and
96. 4:01um addiction is not the number of hours
97. 4:04you do something. Addiction arousal is
98. 4:07you want variety. You want change. To be
99. 4:09addicted to anything means you would
100. 4:11rather be doing that than anything in
101. 4:12the world. And when you're not doing it,
102. 4:14that's what you're thinking about
103. 4:17doing. Overuse of video games. Jane, of
104. 4:20course, tells us the wonderful things
105. 4:21about video games, and I agree. When
106. 4:24played in moderation, we're talking
107. 4:26about uh by time, it's her data. By the
108. 4:28time a boy is 21, he's paid spent 10,000
109. 4:31hours playing video games. That's two
110. 4:33bachelor degrees. What's wrong with
111. 4:35playing video games that much? On the
112. 4:37average, kids, boys are playing 5 to 15
113. 4:39hours a day. So, what are they not
114. 4:41doing? As Tyranny says, they're not
115. 4:43connecting with nature. One, they're not
116. 4:45creating, they're consuming. Okay. Uh
117. 4:48secondly, uh playing these video games
118. 4:51mean they have a distorted view of
119. 4:53reality because they play video games
120. 4:56alone. So my problem is only excess and
121. 4:58in
122. 5:01isolation. In Japan, problem is much
123. 5:04more serious than in America. There's a
124. 5:06whole new phenomena. Hundreds of
125. 5:07thousand boys called hik hikori now
126. 5:11spend their entire life in their room.
127. 5:13They never leave their room. Uh uh it
128. 5:15says up here, when life sucks, you might
129. 5:18as well just stay in your room and and
130. 5:20live life uh
131. 5:22there. So what's next? We have to re
132. 5:26refind
133. 5:27masculinity. Men have to step up to the
134. 5:30plate. They have to be available. They
135. 5:32have to make connection. They have to be
136. 5:33mentors for your own kids and for other
137. 5:35kids. Uh women have to help men learn
138. 5:37how to collaborate in creating vibrant
139. 5:40families. Parents have to regulate
140. 5:43digital time. They also have to create
141. 5:45more vibrant family table time. They
142. 5:48have to encourage kids to do social
143. 5:49activity and share this this information
144. 5:51with each other
145. 5:53regularly. Schools have to become hire
146. 5:55more male teachers. No question about
147. 5:57it. They also have to change their
148. 5:59curriculum. Most schools are still
149. 6:01old-fashioned school. They have to be
150. 6:02more interactive. They have to be more
151. 6:04visual. And they have to realize that
152. 6:06there's differences in gender um uh
153. 6:08learning
154. 6:11styles. The health community has to
155. 6:13realize that video addiction and porn
156. 6:15addiction are reality and they have we
157. 6:18have to develop better prevention
158. 6:19techniques and treatment
159. 6:21techniques. Next to last, our government
160. 6:24has to has to now reward welfare system
161. 6:27has to reward fathers for staying in
162. 6:29homes. right now they reward fathers for
163. 6:31for being absent and reward only solo
164. 6:34mothers. Lastly, uh we need a new social
165. 6:37app for boys that rings every hour
166. 6:40essentially says get your ass out on the
167. 6:42street. Okay, so uh check this out.
168. 6:45Check our book out demise of guys that I
169. 6:47did with my colleague Nikita Duncan. In
170. 6:49it we survey 20,000 people 70% guys and
171. 6:53they're really amazing interesting stuff
172. 6:55there. Thanks so much.
173. 6:58[Music]
174. 7:00Okay. Sure. Um just very briefly, Phil,
175. 7:04um I mean if if if your research, you
176. 7:07know, bears out, I mean, what are the
177. 7:09consequences for things like population
178. 7:10growth or you know, for society? Oh,
179. 7:13it's devastating. Well, in Japan, uh
180. 7:16there was one who picked that is a group
181. 7:18of young men who now go online publicly
182. 7:21say, "We have given up sex. We do not
183. 7:23want the performance anxiety." And Japan
184. 7:25has the lowest population um rate in in
185. 7:28the world. And so you have tens of
186. 7:31thousands of young men uh ages 10 to 30
187. 7:34saying we don't want sex anymore. I
188. 7:37think again if you live a world in
189. 7:38pornography, you know, it's all of the
190. 7:41moment. There is no uh procreation.
191. 7:44There's no concern about the future. Now
192. 7:46the last thing I want to say is there is
193. 7:47lot there's new research from
194. 7:49Netherlands proving Jane's point. There
195. 7:51are many many multiple benefits of video
196. 7:53games but not when played in excess and
197. 7:56not when in social isolation.
198. 7:59Thank you sir.
199. 8:01Okay. and