The Dark Side of Frugal Living (I’m done ignoring it) — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Imagine spending months, probably even
2. 0:03years, just saving up a lot of money to
3. 0:06get the things that you want, right? And
4. 0:08then, you feel guilty when it's time to
5. 0:11actually buy them. Back then, I honestly
6. 0:14thought the hardest thing about frugal
7. 0:17living would be to stop spending, but
8. 0:19girl, listen. It turns out that the
9. 0:21hardest part for me, especially, is
10. 0:24learning when it is okay to spend, okay?
11. 0:27When spending is actually okay. So, yes,
12. 0:30my savings, that was technically
13. 0:32growing, but on the other side, was my
14. 0:36life even getting any better? And that's
15. 0:39the dark side of frugal living that I'm
16. 0:41just I'm just I'm just done ignoring it,
17. 0:44okay? So, in this video, I'm going to go
18. 0:47into details of all the dark side of
19. 0:50frugal living that I've actually
20. 0:52experienced in my life. And we're going
21. 0:55to start off strong, girl, okay? Because
22. 0:57one of the hardest things that I've
23. 1:00encountered with living is I save up so
24. 1:03much money to purchase things that I can
25. 1:05actually afford, but I feel guilty
26. 1:09purchasing them. So, a few weeks ago, I
27. 1:11decided, "Listen, I got to get back on
28. 1:13my fitness journey, okay? And I want to
29. 1:17work out to as you guys know, I want to
30. 1:19lose some weight, all this baby fat I
31. 1:22got on me, okay?" And I decided I need
32. 1:25to get some more comfortable workout
33. 1:27shoes because the one that I've been
34. 1:29wearing for like the past year and a
35. 1:31half, it's a little bit worn, right? To
36. 1:34be honest, was it absolutely a necessary
37. 1:37purchase at the time? No, I could
38. 1:39probably push it another 3 months, but
39. 1:42looking back when I was in the store, I
40. 1:45was thinking, "Do I really really need
41. 1:48this workout shoes right now?" Even
42. 1:50after buying the workout shoes, I
43. 1:52considered returning them. And the truth
44. 1:55is, I wasn't even short on money. Money
45. 1:58was not the issue at this point, okay?
46. 2:01I just felt guilty spending a lot of
47. 2:04money on myself, and girl, the shoes,
48. 2:05they were 60 bucks, okay? The thing
49. 2:08about me is I
50. 2:11>> [sighs]
51. 2:11>> I lot of the expensive stuff,
52. 2:13unfortunately, that I have, they were
53. 2:14either gifted from my significant other
54. 2:17or from a family member. I grew up in a
55. 2:20third world country, for those who are
56. 2:21new here, I grew up in Jamaica, and it's
57. 2:25such a privilege to have certain things
58. 2:29like basic running water. At my house, I
59. 2:33had running water, but at my
60. 2:35grandparents' house, whenever I went to
61. 2:37visit for the summer, I would have to go
62. 2:40to the river to do the laundry, okay? I
63. 2:44would have to go to the river to get
64. 2:45enough water to take a bath. Like, it
65. 2:48was that challenging for me when I was
66. 2:51living in Jamaica. And so, that kind of
67. 2:54put me in a mindset where I shouldn't
68. 2:57take little things for granted, and so,
69. 3:00that's where this entire frugal living
70. 3:03journey started for me. So, yeah, I feel
71. 3:06like that's the part of frugal living
72. 3:08that no one really talks about. Like,
73. 3:10you get so used to telling yourself no
74. 3:14because you don't want to take money or
75. 3:16the little things you have for granted,
76. 3:18but like, I need to really take a step
77. 3:22back and let go off that.
78. 3:25I wouldn't say childhood trauma, but
79. 3:27that rough patch that I had growing up
80. 3:29as a kid because I feel like it has a
81. 3:32lot to do with my frugality. Okay, so,
82. 3:34the second dark side of frugal living is
83. 3:38the fact that if I wanted to save up
84. 3:40some money, let's say my goal is
85. 3:42$10,000, right? And I save up that
86. 3:45$10,000.
87. 3:47When I get to that $10,000, girl, like,
88. 3:50I'm going to push it, and I'm going to
89. 3:51ask myself, "Hey, maybe I can get to
90. 3:5412,000 before the end of the year?"
91. 3:57And [snorts] it's like I go into this
92. 3:59like never-ending cycle, like, I don't
93. 4:02know where to stop. I keep putting
94. 4:04myself in positions where I'm saying,
95. 4:06"Okay, maybe we can extend it to 12,000
96. 4:09and when I get to 12,000, maybe I could
97. 4:12take a vacation or maybe at that point I
98. 4:13can do this." But honestly, looking
99. 4:16back, we can still save money and have a
100. 4:20balance and, you know, still enjoy life.
101. 4:22I don't think it has to be black and
102. 4:24white and that's how I looked at frugal
103. 4:27living when I just started out. Um
104. 4:30today, I don't have that same opinion. I
105. 4:34personally think you can still have fun
106. 4:36and enjoy life while being on your
107. 4:39frugal living journey. Another dark side
108. 4:42of frugal living that I've experienced
109. 4:44in the past was I used to think that it
110. 4:47was frugality, but deep down, it was
111. 4:51fear. So, going back to that story that
112. 4:53I just told you guys, again, grew up in
113. 4:56Jamaica, third world country. We didn't
114. 4:58have basic necessities. Well, I didn't
115. 5:00have basic necessities at my
116. 5:02grandparents' house, like running water.
117. 5:04And so, again, that has instilled in my
118. 5:08brain that not having enough is bad and
119. 5:12that has caused me to hold on tightly to
120. 5:15every single thing that I have. And
121. 5:18because of that, I noticed that a few
122. 5:21years ago I would have a lot of clutter
123. 5:25in my house, like I'm talking about
124. 5:29if you watched the last video or maybe
125. 5:31the one before that, I talked about
126. 5:33having a junk drawer in my kitchen,
127. 5:35right? I have the belief that you don't
128. 5:37really need a junk drawer because I have
129. 5:41batteries in my junk drawer and of
130. 5:43course, because it's a junk drawer, I
131. 5:45couldn't find batteries in there, okay?
132. 5:48I could not locate the freaking
133. 5:49batteries and as a result, I went ahead
134. 5:52and I purchased additional batteries
135. 5:54that I already had. Had it been that I
136. 5:57was able to organize and declutter that
137. 6:00junk drawer, I would have found those
138. 6:02batteries, okay? And as simple as that
139. 6:05might sound, I kind of like apply this
140. 6:07to my everyday life because mentally
141. 6:10with less stuff, my brain, it feels more
142. 6:13clear. Um I know exactly what I have in
143. 6:15my house and what I don't have in my
144. 6:17house now. It was more of fear that I
145. 6:21was practicing. So, honestly, I feel
146. 6:23like I felt more fear than I was
147. 6:26actually practicing frugality. Just fear
148. 6:29of not having something one day and
149. 6:32actually needing it. So, I would just
150. 6:34hold on to stuff, have a lot of clutter,
151. 6:37and then I can't find anything and I'm
152. 6:39still spending money anyway. So,
153. 6:41technically,
154. 6:43it didn't really make sense, but I know
155. 6:45where that's coming from and that has a
156. 6:46lot to do with my the way I I grew up.
157. 6:50Another dark side of uh you know, frugal
158. 6:53living that a lot of people don't talk
159. 6:55about is I feel like people in the
160. 6:57frugal living community, we sometimes
161. 7:00treat our time like it's worth nothing.
162. 7:04And I'm going to give you an example of
163. 7:06what actually happened to me the other
164. 7:08day. So, my son is one a little bit over
165. 7:12one years old. So, he stopped using his
166. 7:15baby swing, right? And so, I decided,
167. 7:18"Okay, I'm going to list this baby swing
168. 7:21on OfferUp and Facebook Marketplace for
169. 7:2440 bucks." Girl, listen. The amount of
170. 7:28messages that I got regarding that baby
171. 7:31swing and the amount of time I spent
172. 7:33communicating with people about the
173. 7:36swing, listing it on Facebook
174. 7:38Marketplace, taking additional pictures
175. 7:41to send to other people who want
176. 7:44the freaking to see the swing from a
177. 7:46certain angle.
178. 7:48>> [sighs]
179. 7:48>> Girl, listen. I spent maybe at least two
180. 7:51hours
181. 7:53two hours plus, probably three, okay? I
182. 7:56spent about that time actually
183. 7:58communicating with people, listing
184. 8:00things, you know, and I still have not
185. 8:03sold the swing. Now, when I compare that
186. 8:06to my job as an accountant, the last job
187. 8:09that I worked, I would make more than
188. 8:12$40 for the hour. And here I am spending
189. 8:16two to three hours trying to sell a baby
190. 8:18swing
191. 8:20for 40 bucks. So, it's like I feel like
192. 8:23us in the frugal living community,
193. 8:25sometimes we just don't value our time
194. 8:29enough. You know what I mean? And I'm at
195. 8:32the point where I'm literally just going
196. 8:35to donate that swing to someone in the
197. 8:39in my chat messages who I know is
198. 8:42actually pregnant and would benefit from
199. 8:45having that swing for their baby.
200. 8:47Another dark side of frugal living is
201. 8:51>> [sighs and gasps]
202. 8:51>> and I'm guilty of this, girl, okay? We
203. 8:54try to make money off of every single
204. 8:59hobby. I
205. 9:00I don't know about you, but for me, yes,
206. 9:02so
207. 9:03I recently learned how to make pizza
208. 9:06from scratch. And when I say recently,
209. 9:08I'm talking about maybe two to three
210. 9:10years ago. I know how to make the dough,
211. 9:13I know how to experiment with different
212. 9:15toppings. Like, when I say good pizza,
213. 9:18my family members, they say that I make
214. 9:21better pizza than like Papa John's,
215. 9:24Domino's. Like, I'm not saying this to
216. 9:27brag, okay?
217. 9:29But, I believe them and it's true. From
218. 9:32the moment they told me that, I've been
219. 9:34researching how to start a pizza
220. 9:36business. Remember, making pizza has
221. 9:39been a hobby for me the past two to
222. 9:41three years. I shouldn't be looking into
223. 9:44ways to start a pizza business. It's a
224. 9:46hobby. And I feel like in the frugal
225. 9:49living community, we tend to do that. If
226. 9:52we know how to sew, we're trying to
227. 9:55capitalize and make money off of that.
228. 9:58And in reality, yes, we can do things to
229. 10:02make money off of it, but I think we
230. 10:04should just try to keep our hobbies our
231. 10:06hobbies, okay? Not everything we need to
232. 10:08try to make money off of or get rich.
233. 10:12Sometimes hobbies just need to stay
234. 10:14hobbies. You know, I went on Amazon
235. 10:17looking for stack of pizza boxes because
236. 10:20I was like, "Hey, I can start selling
237. 10:23pizzas now."
238. 10:24>> [laughter]
239. 10:25>> And maybe in the future I might consider
240. 10:28it, who knows, but at this point I don't
241. 10:32see myself considering that between now
242. 10:34and the next year or two, okay? Like I'm
243. 10:38just going to keep that hobby a hobby.
244. 10:40And
245. 10:42yeah, I think us in the frugal living
246. 10:44community, we need to embrace that a
247. 10:47little bit because once you turn that
248. 10:49hobby into a business, like it's no
249. 10:51longer a hobby. It's it's a business.
250. 10:53Now, another dark side of frugal living
251. 10:56that I've experienced in my life is I
252. 10:59was at a point where I would allow
253. 11:01myself to do every single thing around
254. 11:05the house. I'm talking about there was a
255. 11:07point when I was working on my YouTube
256. 11:10channel cuz if you guys don't know, I
257. 11:12had a another YouTube channel. I'm going
258. 11:14to put it up here. I recently hid that
259. 11:17channel, but that's not the point of
260. 11:19this video, right? So, yeah, I was
261. 11:21working on my other YouTube channel. I
262. 11:24was working as an accountant. I was a
263. 11:27mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister. Like
264. 11:31my to-do list was really long every
265. 11:35single day. And so, I would try to take
266. 11:38on all these tasks and all these roles
267. 11:42without paying for help because yeah,
268. 11:45I'm frugal.
269. 11:47So, that means I'm just going to burn
270. 11:49myself out and get exhausted, right? And
271. 11:52so, I took a step back and I'm like,
272. 11:54"You know what? I have to focus on what
273. 11:56matters most to me." You know,
274. 11:59eventually over the years I resigned
275. 12:02from that accounting job and now I'm a
276. 12:05stay-at-home mom with my kids. And in
277. 12:09addition to that, I also pair pay for
278. 12:12child care services even though I'm a
279. 12:14stay at home mom. Again, if you watched
280. 12:16the last video, I go into details about
281. 12:19this, but just to cut everything short,
282. 12:22I don't want to repeat myself over and
283. 12:24over. I must, you know, moving forward,
284. 12:28pay for services that are going to help
285. 12:31me to not feel so exhausted. I think
286. 12:34it's worth it because for me, frugal
287. 12:36living is more of spending less on the
288. 12:40things that mean less to you and then
289. 12:43spending more on things that really
290. 12:45matters to you. That's going to improve
291. 12:47your quality of life. That's going to,
292. 12:51you know, make you have a better quality
293. 12:52life, make things easier for you. And
294. 12:55that's where I stand on frugal living.
295. 12:58For me, frugal living is not about being
296. 13:00cheap and stingy and making things
297. 13:03harder for yourself, okay? It's just
298. 13:06taking away from one area so you can put
299. 13:09it in another area so you can have a
300. 13:11better quality life and that's how I see
301. 13:13it. Now, another dark side of frugal
302. 13:16living is I made spending depict my
303. 13:21entire existence on this planet. Like,
304. 13:24here's what I mean, okay? It it
305. 13:27determine like how much of of life I was
306. 13:30actually enjoying. So, here's an
307. 13:32example. So, let's say a friend would
308. 13:35invite me somewhere, maybe to a dinner
309. 13:37or a restaurant because, okay, it's
310. 13:39girls' night. And I would be like,
311. 13:42"Okay, cool. Where are we going?" And
312. 13:44the moment they mention the restaurant
313. 13:46that we're going to, I would [snorts] go
314. 13:49online and look up the prices before I
315. 13:52even agree. And if the price was too
316. 13:54high, girl, I'm going to say either I am
317. 13:57sick or I got other stuff to do or I'm
318. 13:59just tired, okay? One of the three.
319. 14:02>> [laughter]
320. 14:04>> I hope none of my friends are watching
321. 14:05this though, but seriously, that's what
322. 14:09would usually happen. I feel like
323. 14:11looking back at that point, I could have
324. 14:15just had an honest conversation.
325. 14:17That restaurant is not in my budget, as
326. 14:20simple as that. Or I could have at least
327. 14:24suggested another fun activity that was
328. 14:27less expensive or possibly even free.
329. 14:31Because at the end of the day, we don't
330. 14:34want to just be friends with people who
331. 14:37can't really understand our financial
332. 14:39circumstances, right? And again, that
333. 14:42would be another way to kind of weed out
334. 14:45or get rid of
335. 14:47people in our lives that are not
336. 14:49supposed to be in our lives. And so,
337. 14:51looking back, I wish I've done that more
338. 14:54instead of canceling or making up an
339. 14:56excuse. I should have just made a
340. 15:00different suggestion or just say, "Hey,
341. 15:02not in my budget." Yeah, so suggesting a
342. 15:05more affordable alternative would have
343. 15:07been a better choice than actually just
344. 15:09completely withdrawing from the activity
345. 15:13or going out with, you know, with people
346. 15:15that mean a lot to me. Because it's more
347. 15:18about the connection than going out to
348. 15:21spend
349. 15:22a few thousand or a few hundred dollars.
350. 15:24More about the connection with the
351. 15:25person you're going out with. At least
352. 15:27that's how I look at it. Another dark
353. 15:30side of frugal living that I've
354. 15:32experienced is I felt like I've made my
355. 15:36entire identity frugal living. So,
356. 15:40um what I mean by this is if I made a
357. 15:44pretty expensive purchase that I feel is
358. 15:47worth it, I felt like I've betrayed the
359. 15:50frugal living community because a lot of
360. 15:53people in the frugal living community
361. 15:55probably would not have bought this
362. 15:57piece. Here's an example. When my
363. 16:00husband and I, when we closed on our
364. 16:02home, we installed a water filtration
365. 16:05system in our entire house. And it did
366. 16:08cost a lot of money. But I know a lot of
367. 16:11people would be like, "Okay, a water
368. 16:14filtration system is not a necessity."
369. 16:17And so, instead of putting that in, you
370. 16:20could have done you know, you could have
371. 16:22done without it. But, in our opinion,
372. 16:26we really needed it. And for us, that
373. 16:29was a valid purchase. But, when friends
374. 16:32and family come to my house, they're
375. 16:33like, "Oh, you have a
376. 16:36you have soft water and a whole
377. 16:38filtration system in your house?"
378. 16:40And we're like, "Yeah."
379. 16:43And I feel like I've betrayed those
380. 16:46people because they already know that
381. 16:48frugal living is my entire identity. So,
382. 16:51it's like, technically, I feel like
383. 16:53they're thinking, "Why are you spending
384. 16:55$10,000 on a water filtration system for
385. 16:58your house if you say you're frugal?"
386. 17:01But, you know, people just don't
387. 17:02understand
388. 17:04that frugal living is not just "Don't
389. 17:07spend, don't spend, don't spend."
390. 17:09>> [snorts]
391. 17:09>> You know, again, it's more of reducing a
392. 17:13lot in one area that doesn't mean a lot
393. 17:16to you, and putting it in other areas.
394. 17:19So, meal prepping is something that I
395. 17:21do. A lot of people don't like to meal
396. 17:23prep, but that's one area I save a lot
397. 17:26of money to put that money that I saved
398. 17:29in better places that will improve my
399. 17:31quality of life. So, I will literally
400. 17:34spend one or two days out of the week,
401. 17:36and I'll cook, and I'll literally freeze
402. 17:39it for when I'm ready. I just throw it
403. 17:41in the microwave, and I'm set, okay? And
404. 17:44a lot of people they think so, or they
405. 17:47think the food is going to come out
406. 17:48soggy. They think For me, it works great
407. 17:51for my family and I, um, and that's just
408. 17:54a quick example of one way I take from
409. 17:58one area of my life to apply to other
410. 18:01areas that mean a lot more to me. Make
411. 18:03sense? I hope so. And another thing that
412. 18:06I see going on in the frugal living
413. 18:08community that's like, to me, it's the
414. 18:11dark side of it, is a lot of the times
415. 18:14we're saving, we're making big
416. 18:16sacrifices, but we don't know what it's
417. 18:18for. We just know we're going to be
418. 18:20frugal, and that's it. But, I feel like
419. 18:23when you're frugal, you should have a
420. 18:25goal at all times. Are you trying to pay
421. 18:28off debt? Are you trying to save up
422. 18:31money to go on vacation? Are you trying
423. 18:34to build an emergency fund? And so,
424. 18:37that's one dark side that I feel like a
425. 18:39lot of people in the frugal living
426. 18:41community must consider. What is your
427. 18:44goal? What are you saving up for? Is it
428. 18:46because being frugal gives you peace of
429. 18:49mind. I feel like with a goal in mind at
430. 18:51all times, you're more likely to stick
431. 18:54to being frugal than just be like,
432. 18:56"Okay, I'm going to be frugal, and
433. 18:58that's it." Like, that doesn't work for
434. 19:00me, okay? For me, it's to save for
435. 19:04retirement so I can retire early cuz,
436. 19:06girl,
437. 19:07I always say I do not want to be working
438. 19:10until I'm 65, okay? Um I want to retire
439. 19:13before that, and I also want to have a
440. 19:16great quality life. And so, that's the
441. 19:19reason I've decided to become really
442. 19:23frugal. So, to be quite honest with you,
443. 19:26frugal living has helped me a lot. And
444. 19:30I'm not going to give it up at all, for
445. 19:32no one. But, what I'm going to give up
446. 19:34is the fact that I have to be extremely
447. 19:36uncomfortable
448. 19:38and live in a tent outside to prove that
449. 19:42I'm frugal enough to be a part of this
450. 19:44frugal living community, you know? You
451. 19:46don't have to be uncomfortable 24/7
452. 19:50every single day of your life to prove
453. 19:52that you're good with money. No, sis.
454. 19:54You can actually still be good with
455. 19:57money, but you're fairly comfortable in
456. 20:00life, and that's that's my approach.
457. 20:03Now, if you've ever felt guilty about
458. 20:06buying something that you could actually
459. 20:08afford, let me know in the comments what
460. 20:11that was like, and maybe you want to
461. 20:13share what the product is or was. Um
462. 20:16yeah, let me know, and I'll be sure to
463. 20:18respond because I know I cannot be the
464. 20:21only one who has talked herself out of
465. 20:23something that was actually really
466. 20:26really needed. Not even want, but
467. 20:29needed. I'll see you in the next one.