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The Crying Game Part One : How Does the Narcissistic Psychopath Understand Tears? — Transcript

by HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist : Ultra · 1,531 words · 305 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:01[Music]
0:10the crying game part one
0:14tears one might consider them the
0:17ultimate embodiment of emotion
0:21tears appear when you have experienced
0:24some kind of extreme emotion
0:27i know this because i have watched on so
0:30many occasions as i have sought to
0:32understand the circumstances in which
0:35somebody cries
0:37and why it is that they do so
0:41i understand
0:44that when tears appear whether it is a
0:46welling up in the eyes
0:49the single full teardrop which slides
0:52down a cheek
0:54or
0:55the cascading waterfall which leaves the
0:58eyes red rimmed and blurry
1:00it is as a consequence of you
1:03experiencing emotion
1:05in a huge dosage
1:09what i had to learn
1:11was which emotions were associated with
1:13the emission of water from the eyes
1:16the first emotion that presented itself
1:18for my understanding as to how it caused
1:21tears
1:22was pain
1:24i remembered as a child
1:27that my younger brother
1:29was somewhat accident-prone
1:33if there was a tree branch he would fall
1:36off it
1:37if there was a wall
1:39he would fall off it
1:42and once he even managed somehow and to
1:45this day remains a mystery
1:47that he
1:48fell off a rug
1:51and sprained his ankle the cuts and
1:54bruises
1:56would have him howling in pain
1:59as he lay there sobbing or limped away
2:02tears trickling down his face
2:06in search of our father to comfort him
2:10i saw how a physical injury such as a
2:13scraped leg or a bruised forearm would
2:16bring forth a flood of tears
2:20my younger brother would await the
2:22attendance of my concerned father
2:24usually brought to the scene by my
2:27always caring empathic sister and his
2:30tears would be wiped away with a large
2:34white handkerchief
2:36as consolation
2:38and soothing words were administered
2:42i found
2:43this handkerchief fascinating
2:46its cleanliness
2:48its purity
2:49the ability that it seemed to almost
2:51magically
2:52possess
2:54to take away the pain
2:56the hurt that my brother was
2:57experiencing
3:01i was not accident prone notwithstanding
3:04my adventurous nature
3:07as a young boy
3:08climbing the tallest trees
3:10scrambling over boulders and rocks
3:13plunging into the river
3:15and therefore i was rarely susceptible
3:18to physical injury saved that which was
3:20deliberate
3:23i do recall once catching my hand on the
3:26edge of the grill
3:28and instantly a sore red wheel appeared
3:34i presented myself to my nearby mother
3:37as i felt the physical pain in my hand
3:42and
3:43a welling up in my eyes
3:46no tears h.g
3:49she announced firmly
3:51tears show fears be fearless
3:54she instructed me
3:56as she cast a cursory glance over my
3:58injury and directed me with a pointed
4:01finger
4:02to the cold water tap
4:05no tears flowed
4:07the only thing that flowed that day
4:09was the water from the tab
4:14i understood that tears came from
4:16physical hurt
4:17but that was not to be for me
4:20that was never allowed to happen
4:23and thus after a short time
4:26even where i did suffer injury for
4:28instance breaking my left arm playing
4:31football
4:33i felt no tears despite the fact that i
4:36felt the pain
4:39if i ever thought that the tears were
4:40coming i focused hard
4:43on fighting them back
4:45and not allowing any to form for fear
4:48of ret for fear of admonishment
4:51from my mother
4:53what she would do to me
4:55would be far worse than the pain of a
4:56broken arm
5:02around this time
5:03as recognizing that physical pain
5:06resulted in the production of tears
5:08i also stand that understood that tears
5:11were generated by sadness
5:13and it was my sister
5:16who exhibited this the most
5:20i would find her in one of her many
5:22hiding places about the house and
5:24grounds
5:25i knew them well as i used them myself
5:28and she would be quietly crying
5:30i would ask her why she was crying
5:34not because i was concerned about her
5:36but i wanted to understand what had made
5:38her cry
5:41thinking back
5:42i never felt anything other than
5:44curiosity when i saw her with perfect
5:47eyes and tear-stained cheeks
5:49there was no concern there was no
5:51compassion but i did want to know
5:55why you crying rachel
5:57i would ask
5:59mother shouted at me because i hadn't
6:01tidied my room
6:03she said i was a bad girl and a dirty
6:06girl
6:07and i don't like her saying that to me
6:08h.g it upsets me
6:11i would nod in understanding and walk
6:13away leaving her alone
6:16she was instructive in showing me that
6:18sadness caused tears
6:21her rabbit escaped from its hutch and
6:23went missing
6:24so she cried because she missed it
6:27i found that somewhat perplexing why
6:30miss an animal but it certainly upset
6:32her she missed a birthday party because
6:35she was ill
6:36so she cried because she was sad that
6:39she could not play with the other
6:40children
6:42i found this fascinating
6:44if she watched something on television
6:47she would often be in tears as she felt
6:49bad for the starving children or the
6:52victims of an earthquake
6:55she would cry and ask my father
6:58why did god do these things
7:00and he would do his best to comfort her
7:02and explain
7:05i observed these interactions
7:08logged them to further my understanding
7:11of the behavior of human beings
7:18my father was always good at finding an
7:20explanation
7:22he was a very bright man
7:24well read and with a keen hunger for
7:26knowledge which he invariably then
7:28retained
7:30there was at least something that i had
7:32inherited from him then
7:35i would watch in fascination as rachel
7:37would cry
7:38and he would scoop her up
7:41or
7:43my sobbing injured brother
7:46i saw how this demonstration of tears
7:49be it through physical or emotional hurt
7:52engendered sympathy
7:55compassion
7:56and caring from him
7:59he never rejected them
8:02he
8:03never
8:04barked them to deal with it
8:07or get on with it as my mother would
8:10invariably say to me
8:12but he would always pander to their
8:15upset until he had chased it away
8:18or removed it as a consequence of that
8:22magic white handkerchief
8:38it always got them attention
8:40from him
8:41more than i ever did
8:44all they had to do
8:46was cry
8:48and the sympathy would flow
8:50with the attendant attention
8:52i learned that quickly enough
8:56i
8:57by contrast
8:58never recall
8:59feeling sad
9:02i have tried
9:04many times
9:05and i have no recollection about it
9:09whatsoever
9:11even the good doctors who i interacted
9:13with
9:14would ask me about this on numerous
9:17occasions
9:18how did you feel when something bad
9:20happened to you dr e would ask
9:23what do you mean by bad i've often had
9:26to help him provide some context to his
9:28questions i thought he would have
9:30learned by now
9:32if you did something wrong for example
9:33he would clarify
9:36i was well behaved as a child i did as i
9:38was told
9:39i saw what happened if i did not
9:42or at least
9:43i ensured that i was never found out
9:46i see he remarked did your parents ever
9:49tell you off
9:50yes
9:52how did you feel then
9:54resentful
9:55angry determined
9:57i answered quickly
9:59sad no
10:01upset no
10:03how about after the incident
10:06i glared at daughtery as i did not like
10:08him springing that on me without
10:10adequate warning
10:12it challenged my control in the
10:13situation
10:15and i hated him for it
10:18at least though he had remembered to
10:19refer to it by the label that i had
10:21stipulated
10:23i remained silent
10:26did you not feel sad after that he asked
10:29no
10:31how did you feel
10:34i knew what he wanted me to say
10:36but i was not going to give him
10:39the satisfaction of thinking that he had
10:40coaxed something from me
10:43that would attribute that he could
10:45attribute to upset
10:47to distress
10:49to feeling sad
10:51it was pointless because it was not
10:53there
10:54and even though his attempts to take me
10:56back to the incident meant
10:58that he was trying to
11:00provoke me
11:02thinking in his limited way that this
11:05somehow would cause me to open up about
11:07myself
11:09he simply failed to grasp that there was
11:11nothing there to even open up
11:17i remember briefly thinking about
11:19whether i ought to try and turn on the
11:21waterworks in some way to try and
11:23deflect from his probing question
11:26i wondered if perhaps i did that too
11:30that that would be utilized as a way of
11:32manipulating him
11:34but i doubted whether i would be in a
11:36position to achieve that i simply never
11:38cried
11:40and besides which i did not want his
11:42pity i did not want his sympathy
11:46such reactions from him disgusted me
11:50they were for the weak
11:52they were for the vulnerable they were
11:54for the powerless
11:55and that was not me
11:58i had begun to understand
12:00how tears
12:02were utilized by people
12:04what caused them
12:06to aid my understanding
12:09however this was one shelf from the
12:11imitation game that would remain empty
12:14for me
12:16i would not be utilizing the tears of
12:20hurt the tears from physical injury the
12:22tears of sadness
12:24in any shape or form
12:27not only was it beneath me
12:29i did not even have the ability to
12:32produce them
12:34i'm hg tudor thank you for listening

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