The BIGGEST LIE Culture Tells Women About Dating | Let Him Mansplain — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00What is the biggest lie that culture has
2. 0:02told to women about dating and
3. 0:04relationships?
4. 0:05>> I'll focus on two. One is that men and
5. 0:08women are the same and men and women are
6. 0:11equal. We're not equal. Now, I know that
7. 0:13might ruffle some feathers, but we're
8. 0:15equal in value. Absolutely. Both
9. 0:18necessary and we have intrinsic value,
10. 0:20>> which by the way is a completely
11. 0:21Christian idea.
12. 0:22>> Yeah. But we're not equal. We're not the
13. 0:25same in any other aspect. Well, that
14. 0:28idea of them being same the same is
15. 0:32based off of a misunderstanding of the
16. 0:34use of equality, right? We're equal in
17. 0:36value. Yes, we are not equal in our
18. 0:38abilities. Duh. But
19. 0:40>> people assume that equality means
20. 0:42sameness. And that is like the biggest
21. 0:44fallacy that anyone on the left I find
22. 0:46commits or the biggest equation they
23. 0:48have.
24. 0:49>> Yeah. And so that's why I always say
25. 0:51egalitarianism today is the modern day
26. 0:55golden calf. is the idol of the modern
27. 0:57era.
28. 0:58>> Uh because everything has to be the same
29. 1:00and if there's any sort of distinction,
30. 1:01it's inherently evil.
31. 1:02>> And then we must involve the government
32. 1:04to eradicate the difference somehow
33. 1:06>> and use cultural institutions and every
34. 1:08single means and method of eradicating
35. 1:11those distinctions. But yeah, men and
36. 1:14women are not the same. That's okay. And
37. 1:16you have to understand that this isn't
38. 1:17arbitrary. It's not arbitrary in your
39. 1:19role. And even if you don't believe in
40. 1:21God, you have to understand like what is
41. 1:22the design? And I think what gets lost
42. 1:24in a lot of our conversations about men
43. 1:26and women, male and female dynamics is
44. 1:29our telos. What is the purpose? What is
45. 1:31our end? And you know the west minister
46. 1:34of confession of faith says that the
47. 1:35chief end of man is to you know glorify
48. 1:37God, enjoy him forever. And that's true
49. 1:38for every single person male or female.
50. 1:41But what is the end of man? What is the
51. 1:43end of woman? And you know the goal of
52. 1:46the man is to be a provider, a
53. 1:48protector, a leader. uh to understand
54. 1:51his role as to have authority and be a
55. 1:54good man, right? And then for the woman
56. 1:57is to be nurturing. It's oriented
57. 1:59towards the household and family and
58. 2:01childbearing. And so that's why we have
59. 2:04like women have an organ that men do
60. 2:07not. It's called the uterus. Why? Why is
61. 2:09that? Because women are designed by
62. 2:12nature but by God ultimately. You should
63. 2:15believe this as a Christian to bear
64. 2:17children. I know I don't want to like
65. 2:20get too sermony, right? But it does say
66. 2:22that women will be ch saved through
67. 2:23childbearing. It's not that it's not a
68. 2:25sotological point. It's not that you
69. 2:27will be saved and that's tied to your
70. 2:29salvation children. But that is the gift
71. 2:31and the glory that God has given women
72. 2:33to bear children.
73. 2:34>> And so when we understand this, we
74. 2:36understand that this isn't arbitrary.
75. 2:38These aren't arbitrary roles. These are
76. 2:39not social constructs, but it's our very
77. 2:41design and in our purpose that our
78. 2:44bodies, our differences are purposeful.
79. 2:46There is a purpose. there's an end to
80. 2:48all of our differences. And when we
81. 2:51understand those and we tap into those,
82. 2:53then we understand, oh yeah, this is how
83. 2:55we create a marriage. This is how we
84. 2:56create a family. And it's all great. And
85. 2:59we compliment one another. So I think
86. 3:00that's the one lie that women are always
87. 3:04told that men and women are the same.
88. 3:06And because they're the same, men have
89. 3:07women have to do everything a man does.
90. 3:09And I think secondly, I think another
91. 3:12lie is that uh women can have chivalry
92. 3:14without abandoning their feminism. And
93. 3:17I've gotten a lot of flack online
94. 3:19because I said, "If you want chivalry,
95. 3:23you need to abandon your feminism." And
96. 3:25then women hear that and say, "So you're
97. 3:28saying that we should be just okay with
98. 3:29being abused?" I'm like, "No, no, that's
99. 3:31not what I'm not. Please, if a guy
100. 3:33verbally abuses me or physically
101. 3:35harasses me, I I have to be okay with
102. 3:37that." No. No. That's [laughter] not
103. 3:39what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that
104. 3:41>> it's amazing that they hear that though.
105. 3:43>> Yeah. It's they're so conditioned and
106. 3:45brainwashed. But I'm saying that
107. 3:48chivalry by definition is special
108. 3:50treatment that men offer to women that
109. 3:54they don't to men. Because men with each
110. 3:56other, the way that men bond, we're
111. 3:57rough with each other. We make fun of
112. 3:59each other. We crack jokes. We call each
113. 4:01other fat, ugly, whatever. And we like
114. 4:03rough each other up. We wrestle. Yeah.
115. 4:05You shouldn't do that with women. Like
116. 4:07you shouldn't go up to a woman and joke
117. 4:08to her face, hi, you're fat. Like do not
118. 4:10do that, right? Do not do that. Um and
119. 4:13>> or you could try it and see how it goes.
120. 4:15>> Yeah. Just do not do that. There's a lot
121. 4:17of memes about that and it it's true.
122. 4:19Like you shouldn't talk to a woman like
123. 4:20that. And uh but it's special treatment.
124. 4:23But feminism by definition is demanding
125. 4:25equal treatment, right? So you cannot
126. 4:28have special treatment while demanding
127. 4:29equal treatment. So if you want
128. 4:32chivalry, you have to abandon your
129. 4:33feminism. And if you do abandon your
130. 4:36feminism, you'll see that a lot of men
131. 4:38do will and do like treat you like you
132. 4:42would like to be treated as a woman. U
133. 4:45they are more gentle. They are more uh
134. 4:47caring and gentlemanly towards you and
135. 4:50they treat you with the kind of respect
136. 4:52and honor and dignity that you would
137. 4:54want as a woman. And if there are bad
138. 4:56men who treat you poorly, there will be
139. 4:58good men who come to your defense. And
140. 4:59this is not white knighting. This is
141. 5:01just chivalry, right? And I make that
142. 5:03distinction all the time because white
143. 5:04nining is just a synonymous with simpy,
144. 5:06right? And then chivalry is actually
145. 5:08treating women in the way that we're
146. 5:09commanded to by scripture, but also as
147. 5:11men, we want to. If there is a soft,
148. 5:14feminine, lovely, pleasant woman in the
149. 5:17room, every guy is clamoring over each
150. 5:19other, just get out the way. I'm going
151. 5:22to protect her. Right. And that's just
152. 5:23what happens.
153. 5:24>> You've seen comments on videos of women
154. 5:26being soft and feminine saying, "Protect
155. 5:28this woman at all cost."
156. 5:29>> Yeah. You see all of these dating shows
157. 5:31and these YouTube videos where uh women
158. 5:33are talking to men and so many of these
159. 5:36women are so abrasive. They're
160. 5:37belligerent. They're rebellious. But
161. 5:39then there will be that one rare woman
162. 5:41who's soft. She's gentle.
163. 5:44She's so lovely and pleasant,
164. 5:46>> but she's not a doormat.
165. 5:47>> Yeah, she's not.
166. 5:48>> She has her values,
167. 5:49>> right? But she's soft and she's
168. 5:51pleasant. She's lovely. And all the guys
169. 5:53like protect her at all costs. If you
170. 5:55ever heard her, we will find you and we
171. 5:57will destroy [laughter] you, right?
172. 5:59Feminists almost want to remove men and
173. 6:02women from those natural instincts and
174. 6:04sit in between them.
175. 6:05>> Exactly.
176. 6:06>> And complicate them because they want to
177. 6:07make women strong, masculine, brutish,
178. 6:10defensive, aggressive
179. 6:12>> and
180. 6:13>> calcify them in whatever bitterness they
181. 6:15might be carrying around.
182. 6:16>> And what that does is that prevents men
183. 6:19from actually being able to protect the
184. 6:21woman. And that natural protector
185. 6:23instinct they have gets squashed because
186. 6:26they're not like
187. 6:27>> natural instincts are so beautiful
188. 6:30because
189. 6:31>> you can have it them activate each
190. 6:33other.
191. 6:34>> And if a woman is is moving away from
192. 6:36her natural instinct of softness,
193. 6:38sweetness, um that nurturingness that
194. 6:41doesn't necessarily have to be ordered
195. 6:43only toward children. I mean you can
196. 6:45nurture men, you can nurture your
197. 6:47community,
198. 6:47>> right? And when a woman is moving away
199. 6:49from that, then men are naturally going
200. 6:52to drift away from their own protector,
201. 6:54provider nature.
202. 6:56>> 100%.
203. 6:56>> For any girl that's dealing with her
204. 7:00quote unquote man not quote unquote
205. 7:02doing what she wants in a relationship,
206. 7:04it's really funny. I always advise them.
207. 7:05I'm like, "Well, have you ever tried to
208. 7:07ask him nicely?
209. 7:08>> Have you ever tried to be soft and sweet
210. 7:10and feminine?" And I'm like, "Go home
211. 7:12and try that. See how it works and be
212. 7:15very conscious of the result because
213. 7:18You cannot challenge a man into doing
214. 7:20your will, into submitting to your will
215. 7:23>> or your emotions.
216. 7:24>> But what you can do is you can ask him
217. 7:27to be part of it. You can ask him for
218. 7:32help. You can ask him to be your hero
219. 7:35>> and watch him stand five feet taller.
220. 7:38>> Watch him be so glad to help. And if you
221. 7:44do this with, you know, men who are in
222. 7:46your church who are older as well, like
223. 7:48they will also respond better to a woman
224. 7:51who is not bossing them around and
225. 7:52ordering them around.
226. 7:54>> Does a woman's relationship with her
227. 7:55father matter to you in dating?
228. 7:57>> Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Because if
229. 8:00she has a great relationship with her
230. 8:02father, it signals to me that she
231. 8:04understands what's what it's like to
232. 8:07feel the protection and the security of
233. 8:11good proper male headship.
234. 8:14And you know, I got a lot of flack
235. 8:16online and I actually got fired for this
236. 8:18for saying that women do become
237. 8:21psychopaths when they're untethered from
238. 8:22healthy masculine authority which leads
239. 8:24to them for example celebrating
240. 8:26assassination of innocent men uh namely
241. 8:28Charlie Kirk right but when a woman is
242. 8:32secure in her identity and her
243. 8:36self-esteem from her father from a good
244. 8:38loving present father then yes she won't
245. 8:41be belligerent she won't be feminist and
246. 8:43that's just a given at any point. And
247. 8:46because like I said before that the
248. 8:48father is a proto prototype of the
249. 8:50divine. This is why we call God our
250. 8:52father.
251. 8:52>> Yeah.
252. 8:53>> And so if she has a good relationship
253. 8:56with her dad also means she probably has
254. 8:58also a good relationship with God and a
255. 9:01good proper understanding of God who is
256. 9:04loving and kind but also just and
257. 9:09strong. And so if she has a good
258. 9:11relationship with her father and her
259. 9:12father's not a doormat, but he's a
260. 9:14loving, good father who's strong, who's
261. 9:17just, who's courageous, it's like, yeah,
262. 9:20like okay, like she's not going to be
263. 9:22that quarrelome nagging wife where I
264. 9:23feel like I have to starve myself in the
265. 9:25desert and I'd rather do that instead of
266. 9:27living in this under the same roof,
267. 9:29right?
268. 9:30>> So that's a big signifier. And I believe
269. 9:33through right um the power of the gospel
270. 9:37and through Christ that even women from
271. 9:39broken households can still understand
272. 9:42what it's like to be loved by the father
273. 9:44>> because God is a father.
274. 9:46>> Exactly. But um that brokenness still is
275. 9:50always is there and unless that's
276. 9:52redeemed and healed. Uh yeah, a lot of
277. 9:54women operate from that place of hurt
278. 9:56and brokenness and absent fathers
279. 9:58>> which I believe is where we get the
280. 10:00rejection of taking a husband's last
281. 10:02name trend in society.
282. 10:04>> You've probably seen that video of the
283. 10:06bride and the groom were standing at the
284. 10:08altar. Oh, it
285. 10:08>> was awful.
286. 10:09>> And the pastor says, "Mr. and Mrs. So
287. 10:13and so and she stops and she turns
288. 10:17around and she says I'm keeping my last
289. 10:20name.
290. 10:20>> Oh man.
291. 10:21>> And he goes,
292. 10:23"Oh."
293. 10:24And then asks what her last name is
294. 10:28>> and then says, "Introducing
295. 10:31Mr. Soando and Miss Soandso because you
296. 10:35can't say Mrs. if it's her own last name
297. 10:37because then it would signify that she's
298. 10:39married to the her dad which is weird."
299. 10:42and she rolls her eyes and she walks
300. 10:44down the aisle with her new husband.
301. 10:47And
302. 10:49I think that is the epitome of a quarrel
303. 10:52from [laughter]
304. 10:54>> really.
305. 10:54>> And I really want to save young men from
306. 10:57having to deal with relationships like
307. 10:59that. So, let's sort this out here.
308. 11:02>> Why is it important for a guy to want to
309. 11:04have his wife take his last name?
310. 11:07>> It's important because it's a marker.
311. 11:09It's a signifier that you guys became
312. 11:12one flesh.
313. 11:13And again, if we understand that men are
314. 11:16oriented towards headship and
315. 11:18leadership, then it is under his
316. 11:20leadership and his headship that you're,
317. 11:22you know, becoming one flesh. Uh you see
318. 11:25a lot of our wedding ceremonies. It's
319. 11:27lovely when the father walks the bride
320. 11:29down the aisle and everyone's like,
321. 11:31"That's so lovely." There's not a single
322. 11:32person, unless you're a really miserable
323. 11:34person, you look at that, you're like,
324. 11:36"That's a function of patriarchy."
325. 11:38>> [laughter]
326. 11:38>> You go to any normal wedding and
327. 11:40everyone is like, "Oh, that's so
328. 11:41lovely." And then she he walks her down
329. 11:43the aisle and hands her off to the
330. 11:46groom.
331. 11:48Why? Like why is that a tradition we do
332. 11:50in wedding ceremonies? It's not
333. 11:52symbolic. It's literal because he's
334. 11:54she's now going from the from the
335. 11:55protection, the love, the care and the
336. 11:57headship of her father now to her
337. 12:00husband. And it's a beautiful symbol.
338. 12:02It's a beautiful I would say even ritual
339. 12:05that we have in um modern weddings and
340. 12:10yeah that's what's rooted in like this
341. 12:12understanding of you're passing on your
342. 12:14authority. Now this is my daughter whom
343. 12:16I loved and I cared for. Now I'm
344. 12:18entrusting her to you.
345. 12:21>> You better not mess with her. You better
346. 12:22not hurt her, break her heart. Better
347. 12:25love her with the same kind of love and
348. 12:27care that I have. [music]