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The Best Interview in The History Of Television Robin Williams — Transcript

by Mr comedian · 3,224 words · 486 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:02[Applause]
0:05welcome back my first guest tonight is
0:07hot comedy icon he is a legend he's
0:10adorable he's a fantastic he's a I'm
0:13fond of him
0:14he's uh he's an oscar-winning actor he
0:16stars and Happy Feet 2 which is in
0:18theaters now take a look at the the
0:21beautiful Robin Williams
0:30[Music]
0:31[Applause]
0:45and you look sensational look at you you
0:48get that fancy shoe no laces none at all
0:51no laces in your shoes I'm an older man
0:53now it's much easier velcro
0:57this madness you can't walk around like
0:59that what if you have to do something
1:00quickly can you do it slowly you slide
1:04around in your little slipper
1:07congratulations oh yes sorry that's
1:09lovely wonderful yeah it's very nice it
1:11married for the third time my best man
1:12Bobcat said it's like bringing a burn
1:14victim to a firework show
1:18did he say that during his speech yes he
1:26married ah I'm on my third on your face
1:29yeah yeah three-strikes-you're-out
1:30that's it yeah I would do again I see it
1:33lost you do it again that you have to
1:34give up a body part that's how many
1:36times you've been married bill cause I'm
1:38going for time
1:39it's like no no third that's it three
1:42that's it three no make me choke that's
1:44it I'm done in fact that wouldn't have
1:45done three but it was just I met this
1:46person went well okay but only that's
1:48what yes I believe that's the way you're
1:50meant to approach it there yeah only
1:53this one maybe they do you take this
1:56woman as often as possible yeah yeah
2:06hardac and on the honeymoon it's hard
2:08act surprised like oh wow
2:12yeah yeah do you find acting surprised
2:16help look great the way you look very
2:33stylish and like a man who's a good
2:36woman is taking a right good hold of man
2:38get your hair cut your socks match
2:41everything's working cleaned up your
2:43accurate either get married or go to
2:44court oh well you know you're right she
2:47picked all the clothes oh and you look
2:49great and sensational and you're going
2:51around the world doing that the Happy
2:52Feet Peng without him pimping the
2:54Penguins yeah
2:55you did a big world tour you can all go
2:57where we go from tonight I fly to London
2:59and go then talk about things tonight if
3:01like once you get over the language
3:06barrier
3:10[Applause]
3:19you sarcastic bass
3:23hey I just came from Paris Wow oh we
3:27went to Paris for the honeymoon that was
3:29that's not we had the honeymoon suite at
3:31Notre Dom that must have been a surprise
3:32come up here we go right now don't be
3:36afraid if you need anything just ring
3:38the bell but it was so great of a
3:41romance restaurants in Paris are
3:43wonderful went to a tiny little
3:44restaurant had five tables at one of the
3:46tables there were two couples and a cat
3:48sitting eating dinner even the cats
3:50going try the mouse it's fabulous it's
3:53crazy and then at the end of the meal
3:55again
4:00did you ever smoke when you were in
4:01Paris to give a smoke no I never saw me
4:04you mean
4:05cigarettes yes no I never smoked is that
4:08matter why don't you time maybe on your
4:12time someone blue marijuana I wondered
4:16why I was hungry have you got some kind
4:20of free the hemp sisters or something
4:22yeah I don't know I can't smoke pot
4:25because the moment I spoke pot I'm just
4:26like you know it's like a leper giving a
4:31facial it's a bad yeah
4:34it's a joke mr. Johnson right now
4:39there's some Leopard
4:40[Applause]
4:42I'm hardly avenging no no I don't think
4:49your boy okay we were doing so well we
4:57had offended anybody until you came in
4:59and now you worry about
5:01Oh big time really oh I've had it happen
5:03all the time people get mad at you for
5:05just oh you say something and then but
5:06now with the internet somebody would
5:08call
5:08dear mr. Williams you know it's like
5:09bingo you have to be very you've done it
5:11the only thing that I the only safe
5:14place to go is Nazis on a German talk
5:20show once this is very true who's on
5:22this German talk show and this woman
5:23said mr. Williams why do you think
5:25there's not so much comedy in Germany
5:27and I said did you ever think you tried
5:28to kill all the funny Peter
5:33[Applause]
5:39they ever tell us on every vault hi MERS
5:41foundation I seem to have forgotten
5:43everything before 1945 but she didn't
5:47bat an eyelash she just with know at
5:48that point of it yeah no it's danger
5:51we'll see everybody thinks they're funny
5:52though everybody thinks have got a sense
5:54of humor that's the problem even people
5:55that doing have a sense of humor they go
5:56that's not funny yes it's funny no no no
5:59no I don't funny I'm German yeah the
6:03question so Ugandan today that'd be nice
6:09yeah it's a long flight you get that
6:10when you get off the plane in London the
6:12English paparazzi roe is they're going
6:13woman hello Robin
6:15winded Elmer Fudd land here we are
6:20hunting wahby we're going after woman
6:23William yeah
6:24whatever great a Shakespeare had a
6:26letter L is its Citra had an impediment
6:28speak you speech I pray you as I
6:31pronounced it to you trippingly on the
6:32tongue
6:40[Music]
6:51[Music]
6:54[Applause]
7:00with you when you hit sixty everything
7:28give me some mucus anything we ran out
7:32of sperm let's go people
7:35get your and let's head down to the
7:38testicles and go north let's go
7:42if you're offended by that there's
7:44another number falling at the bottom
7:46I like it but you're here I can relax
7:48you know it's a bit like a terrarium hot
7:51lock the thing is there like a positive
7:54Tourette's I know sometimes in the
7:55negative traits like the people say
7:56things like yeah but is there a positive
7:58Tourette's where someone goes like don't
8:00answer Flemming
8:11[Music]
8:15it's a joke positive Tourette's people
8:18are doing I really enjoyed that do you
8:22think that meant Thanksgivings coming up
8:24do you think that's the rapture for
8:25turkeys that every year they go get
8:30ready some of us are leaving
8:33[Music]
8:34and then the ones who don't get taken up
8:36elec weather like that anyways so you're
8:41going off to London into the habit you
8:42enjoy the penguin movie - Jeff no it's
8:44wonderful it's in 3d which is oh that's
8:46the life is like that I know yeah
8:48one thing you don't want in 3d as of yet
8:50I don't want to watch 3d porn no I've
8:52seen it
8:52have you I have so yeah it's it's a
8:56[Music]
8:58no you don't have to be is like ha ha
9:02China
9:06Grover we have to take a break we'll be
9:08right back with Robin
9:09[Applause]
9:12[Music]
9:18[Applause]
9:21[Music]
9:22Robin Williams and we were talking about
9:25we're talking about 3d páginas I thank
9:26you very cunning linguist Society
9:43talking in tongues before everyone knows
9:46yeah so are you gonna stay in San
9:49Francisco lend us your or yeah it's
9:51wonderful nice riding the bike there to
9:52meet a nice time when we're up there
9:54where was good time yeah you'd Bobcat we
9:56went for a nice cup of coffee in one of
9:57them places yes one of those lovely
10:00times is that was good yeah you know hi
10:14dude through there run sodomy in the
10:16last two out of three is in battery so I
10:23guess that just leaves the lash and
10:25sodomy for me
10:28whatever you remember we were a fan of
10:32Peter kook I love Paul he was amazing
10:34four times he was better than one sketch
10:36sure I wanted to be a lawyer but I
10:38didn't have the lightning really like he
10:41did that Derek in Christ of they they
10:44said words that you need to be very
10:46upset
10:47Oh be rough at one time I was in the old
10:49days in there kind of the crazy days it
10:51was 3 o'clock in the morning and all the
10:52Sun here I opened the door it's Peter
10:55Cook because hello Robin time to go out
10:57now
10:58and at the in those days when I wouldn't
11:05rent to his house once in London the
11:06first time I met my knock on the door it
11:08was ten o'clock in the morning I was
11:09gonna have a business meeting with him
11:10and I heard on the intercom he said
11:12common breakfast is in the fridge hoto I
11:21said he was at the top of these stairs
11:23wearing just the robe I could see his
11:24junk
11:25Peter good and he said I replayed
11:28breakfast is at the fridge and I want
11:30the fridge door and there was one can of
11:32hard cider well that's an alcoholic
11:37oh that day we we have breakfast then
11:41we're known for about a week that break
11:42a moveable feast but yeah he was great
11:46though who is that one of your heroes
11:48Peter Cooper you're a time two heroes Oh
11:49spike milligan yeah yeah spike milligan
11:52god yeah he was crazy
11:54big time yeah tried to kill Peter
11:56Sellers with a spoon one time did he but
11:58when asked him I guess they were having
11:59it something went wrong he would I'll
12:01tell you but first I'm gonna dish a
12:03little bit it was like Oh Peter Peter
12:07Cook Dudley Moore ah God spike Peter
12:09Sellers no British these comedians no
12:12but I never go American Jonathan winters
12:15oh yeah Jonas has been here Oh has he oh
12:17the best I called him up the other day
12:19anyone huh how are you Oh
12:23well it's your birthday happy birthday
12:24what do you want I'd love it if you sent
12:26a suitcase full of singles which brings
12:31me to what we can do now cuz we're done
12:33what do we do what we'll do the big cash
12:34prize you just got married you probably
12:37need some money
12:38oh god yes yeah the price is it 50 bucks
12:45in singles in singles oh you wanna try
12:48it is like the old days oh yeah you do
12:52to roll about no no okay no okay you
12:54know if you win them all yours you have
12:55to have the one question you have to
12:57answer correctly okay great if you get
12:58it right you get the $50 which I would
13:00suggest in order to placate the audience
13:03is to make it rain as the kids say Robin
13:12doesn't bring the money it will not be
13:14raining look at the guys over there and
13:17you can't go to London yeah
13:20and there will be no Christmas yeah
13:23none for you little Tom Pratchett I will
13:27have to work out the chimney on
13:28Christmas Day
13:36let's have the other leg off excuse me I
13:45caught a call from a guy in the second
13:46row what time is the shadows demons
13:59Iceland is in the North Atlantic its
14:02capital city is reka Vickers would you
14:04see the famed Sydney Opera House is a
14:06fine example of modern architecture or
14:09postmodern architecture I would say a
14:15fine example of postmodern architecture
14:19[Applause]
14:33[Applause]
14:42[Applause]
14:42[Music]
14:47welcome back to the big Thanksgiving
14:49week of shows well this week we're going
14:51crazy
14:52turkeys are big mudders every night
14:56every night they wonder out here if
15:02you're a turkey and you're watching this
15:03show who's that at the door
15:10[Applause]
15:12[Music]
15:15[Applause]
15:18[Music]
15:26[Music]
15:30Christmas everyone Christmas Robin for
15:33his Thanksgiving but I don't know what
15:35you're doing here outright knock it off
15:37I don't know what you're doing here you
15:39were here just last week yes I want
15:43I decided oh you know what let's go back
15:46did you have a nice time in London
15:48because I know that's where you were
15:49headed yes it was fabulous
15:53oh they say they're brilliant oh they do
15:56say brilliant forever yeah
15:59I see you picked up their habits yes so
16:02long Robbins dentist
16:05convicts all girls all work for you
16:12Terry Thomas School of Acting
16:14I love Terry said you say your jetties
16:20you're an absolute shock get in the back
16:26of that van you behaved abysmally in
16:28this war with all those war movies but
16:31they always had the Germans to add
16:32English accent so open here on out but
16:35they do that in in room as well when
16:37it's like Roman Hail Caesar Brutus come
16:42here for the know my name and calling me
16:44thus we shall go there stand behind me
16:45gentle friend they never had like a
16:48really hardcore Italian Caesar go what
16:50are you gonna do right now
16:52Yeah right there hey
16:54[Music]
17:00[Music]
17:03we're just doing the emails with you
17:05well yeah all right take me through that
17:07bad this is from Dean in Detroit but she
17:09can never been in Detroit ma lived there
17:11for many years did you read my dad was
17:12in the automobile industry he was not
17:14yes he was
17:16hence the cars every week
17:19we move back and forth between Detroit
17:20and Chicago but yes sir yes
17:35this is hi Craig Roberts that's amazing
17:37that they knew that you were gonna be
17:38here I didn't know you were gonna be
17:40here but look here addendum I made
17:46friends with a guy mm-hmm sitting next
17:49to me a hockey game recently in exchange
17:51numbers to hang out
17:55the old puck sucker game
17:59is there anything wrong with a man
18:01there's nothing wrong with wrong was
18:04that yeah you know if you're gay you're
18:06gay that's cool right or wrong to her
18:18this is from Sean in Atlanta Georgia you
18:21ever been down there Atlanta Georgia and
18:22down now many time know the devil with
18:24the devil went down to georgia wind
18:26reading what happened I did win damn
18:27Georgia money and it dude did one down
18:33to Georgia right there devil went down
18:35there had some fried food and went broke
18:37it I'm going back to here
18:43dear Craig and Robin my mother surprised
18:46me by driving me in for Thanksgiving but
18:48my wife can't stand her oh oh how do I
18:51use holy family tensions I always pray
18:53for heroin I don't know what an old
18:57Georgia tradition is a big bottle of
18:59Jack much the same aback Jimmy and the
19:02basic after a little while all of a
19:03sudden Mama's like that's a tryptophan
19:12from the turkey tryptophan oh that's the
19:15good stuff
19:16yeah you should send tryptophan and I
19:27got sweet potatoes in the back don't be
19:31afraid right now I was walking through
19:34when they used to sell drugs in Tompkins
19:36Square Park in New York for his hipsters
19:37and their prams there used to be used to
19:40be a guy that like everyone else was
19:42selling saint-emilion but all these guys
19:43gonna sense to me and he sends me in a
19:44sense a mirror but there was one guy in
19:46a bright orange jumpsuit and a green
19:48clown where you'd go acid
19:53take it out had no effect on me right
19:57step into another dimension what's your
20:03name look on the back Sara and Rock
20:07Springs Wyoming you ever been up there
20:09I'd like to go fishing up there day now
20:10I've been up there right there I'm
20:11always afraid I'll end up on a river and
20:13somebody going hey pretty boy you are
20:19pretty you're prettier since you got
20:21married you know that you I mean you
20:22have you got yeah you always had the
20:23sparkly eyes but now you know you're I
20:26guess it's the it's the is the
20:27unattainable thing makes you even more
20:29attractive
20:37still hand signal don't go anymore you
20:41do that reprojection anyway Syrah and
20:53Rock Springs Wyoming says dear Craig and
20:55Robin my friends and I are forming a
20:57punk band but can't agree on the name
20:59what do you think you should call
20:59ourselves so is it an all-girl band yeah
21:03let's say this I don't want to fight me
21:11ever
21:13yes yes but they weren't any girls in my
21:16but well you know how about chlamydia
21:23good they gives it color it's Greek but
21:28at the same time slightly uncomfortable
21:31by weight and very recently I was a bar
21:34in Scotland and rural Scott with the
21:37restroom and there was a sign up right
21:40one of these public announcement signs
21:41and in the veranda in its short Tina it
21:44was a drawing of teenagers dancing and
21:45you know about to have sex and it said
21:47everyone's out and about including
21:50chlamydia
21:54[Laughter]
21:59we parked the van out but we didn't know
22:03a salt in a medical dictionary name here
22:06where's mr. gonorrhea get over here girl
22:15she's out in about then going in there
22:18what this fall
22:26[Applause]
22:31this is this is zoning out that helps
22:35and this is from Denis in Orlando
22:37Florida you ever been down there yes sir
22:39sure alright yeah dear Cragen Robin my
22:41boyfriend did I made a special tape
22:43together oh oh but we broke up a few
22:46weeks ago how do I get it back send it
22:48here
22:50care of Craig and chlamydia yeah a
22:54special tape Oh what everybody's that
22:57about the last thing you hear is this
23:06you make my god his trousers got
23:12pixelated and this is from Tonya in
23:18Charlottesville Virginia don't if you
23:19can tell but Tonya's at it can you see
23:20that yeah boys and girls that's a bird
23:25and a woodpecker is too unless you're a
23:28puppet and so is a it's a bird and
23:33they both crew all right but you don't
23:39go into a bar looking for a rooster I
23:41gotta
23:44[Music]
23:55[Music]
23:56hey Craig and Robin I've been a
23:59vegetarian for eight years you're
24:00vegetarian no sir okay but I do have a
24:02cow valve which is kind of weird cocaine
24:04I can't eat meat because it's like I'm
24:05one of them now
24:06and the good thing about a Kel valve is
24:08like a cry keep ending up I can do that
24:14but people won't give you the whole
24:16Newton he's got a cow valve well that's
24:18okay mister I don't have a cow valves
24:22but I'm enthusiastic I've been a
24:26vegetarian for eight years my doctor
24:28suggested I start introducing meat into
24:30my diet what should I start with
24:35if all your well if you're a dangerous
24:42person spam right off the bat that's
24:45kind of getting all the meat products
24:46every part of the cow in one little box
24:48and if your body said if your bowels
24:50don't disco I say go a little easier
24:54spams you know you know that's a little
24:56much too soon oh no wait you can do
24:58haggis I guess that's true right this is
25:00a vegetarian haggis oh yeah that's a
25:01great one they'll just blow your cheeks
25:03up out that's a guy call huh comedy
25:09I love their hey Bobby go get me the
25:13chlamydia kit done
25:24did you see Lavinia you're bad
25:28[Laughter]
25:35that's the one you don't want to have
25:37over the loudspeaker chlamydia like
25:40courtesy phone chlamydia
25:44[Music]
25:46all right Happy Thanksgiving
25:50[Applause]
25:52[Music]
25:59[Applause]
26:00[Music]

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