The Avengers Cant Save SH!T 😭😭😭 — Transcript

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1. 0:00So, the scene starts with Shield messing
2. 0:02with the Tesseract, [music]
3. 0:03doing calculations, performing
4. 0:04experiments, all that jazz. However,
5. 0:07currently, the Tesseract is out there
6. 0:09malfunctioning. The Tesseract got the
7. 0:10power to destroy the entire planet. If
8. 0:13they set that Android free, it would be
9. 0:14the end of all of us. You know,
10. 0:16something this dangerous got to be
11. 0:18protected at all cost.
12. 0:21So, tell me why the they got Hawkeye
13. 0:22defending this.
14. 0:24I know some of y'all tired of the
15. 0:25Hawkeye slander, but it literally writes
16. 0:27itself. Y'all messing with a weapon
17. 0:29stronger THAN AN ATOMIC BOMB, AND THE
18. 0:32ONLY line of defense the planet got IS
19. 0:35HAWKEYE, MY
20. 0:36>> [laughter]
21. 0:37>> HELL NO, BRO. LIKE, BRO, THIS IS THE
22. 0:39TYPE of security they had at the airport
23. 0:40during 9/11. They'd be letting anybody
24. 0:43in. Y'all asking to get cooked. The
25. 0:45Tesseract begins to open its hole to
26. 0:47everybody like my ex,
27. 0:48>> [music]
28. 0:48>> and outside of that hole comes not a gay
29. 0:50son, nor a thot daughter, but something
30. 0:52even worse.
31. 0:54And here we get Loki. [music] And the
32. 0:57first thing I got to say for his ARRIVAL
33. 0:59IS
34. 1:00>> WHAT [screaming]
35. 1:01IS THAT?
36. 1:04>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT ABOUT planet Earth
37. 1:06could have constituted this reaction. Do
38. 1:08you see where we're living right now?
39. 1:09You can't be left, right, front, or
40. 1:11center. can't even pick a
41. 1:12direction. And this real life
42. 1:14looking at the camera like he's trying
43. 1:15to inappropriately touch me.
44. 1:16>> Like, yeah, yeah, you want to tell Loki,
45. 1:18son?
46. 1:19if you so much AS LAY A HAND ON
47. 1:20LOKI, he starts going crazy. I'm talking
48. 1:22wiping the whole room out, straight
49. 1:24vaporizing folk. And once Loki wipes out
50. 1:26the room, the only person left to defend
51. 1:28us is
52. 1:30Yeah, I ain't going to lie, we getting
53. 1:31stomped out.
54. 1:32Now, every single time I make an
55. 1:34Avengers video, I constantly go after
56. 1:36Hawkeye. And it has gotten to the point
57. 1:38where I can't even drop one of these
58. 1:40without all five Hawkeye fans always
59. 1:42having something to say. They're either
60. 1:44saying that I'm way too harsh, Black
61. 1:46Widow's more useless, or my personal
62. 1:48favorite, I'm a lie. This one's real
63. 1:49fire. Hawkeye is the biggest factor to
64. 1:51win because every time he isn't there,
65. 1:54the Avengers lose. And I swear all these
66. 1:56comments were sent by the Chinese
67. 1:58government. I refuse to believe y'all
68. 2:00are real people. In this video, I'm
69. 2:02really going to break it down and
70. 2:03dissect how Hawkeye is truly a fraud
71. 2:06whenever the situations come up. We can
72. 2:08start it off with number one. How'd you
73. 2:09let Loki get the ultimate on you?
74. 2:11Literally took his powers or lack
75. 2:13thereof and made him a water boy for 70%
76. 2:16of the movie. You could tally it up
77. 2:17already, brother. You suck. But Loki
78. 2:20escapes with the Tesseract giving Nick
79. 2:21Fury no other choice but to call the
80. 2:24Avengers. And he begins his recruitment
81. 2:26like it's draft night or something,
82. 2:28starting it off with Natasha. And she's
83. 2:30out there being captured by these
84. 2:31Russians. They're doing an
85. 2:32interrogation. But Natasha, I'm not
86. 2:34going to lie.
87. 2:36>> Damn.
88. 2:38>> But Natasha, I'm not going to lie. It's
89. 2:40straight embarrassing. Now, she's doing
90. 2:41them like Raphael from TMNT. [music]
91. 2:43>> Who gave them to you?
92. 2:44>> Your mama.
93. 2:45>> And this had the Russian straight tight.
94. 2:47But before they could even react, she
95. 2:49gets saved by the bell hearing that beer
96. 2:51commercial Samsung ringtone. And they
97. 2:52give her the phone. And once she finds
98. 2:54out that it's Nick Fury trying to
99. 2:55recruit her for the team, she begins to
100. 2:57go stupid. She was moving kind of crazy
101. 3:00though, hitting a flip and breaking the
102. 3:01chair off a nigga's back.
103. 3:03>> Incredible.
104. 3:04>> I ain't going to lie. This one scene
105. 3:05colder than anything Hawkeye's done. But
106. 3:07Black Widow puts them all down. And with
107. 3:08Black Widow as shooting guard, they
108. 3:10decide to find a center. With the scene
109. 3:13starting in the Arabian [music] desert,
110. 3:14I'm surprised I ain't see Soulja Boy out
111. 3:16here. But they all the way in the other
112. 3:18side of the planet for one reason,
113. 3:20finding Bruce Banner. And for someone
114. 3:22that was hiding for 2 years and a half,
115. 3:23they found this way too easily.
116. 3:26You was out there hiding for two
117. 3:27straight years. And the thing that gets
118. 3:29you out of hiding is a 8-year-old girl?
119. 3:32Like that is rape.
120. 3:34>> You can't that land, dog.
121. 3:35>> Like nah, Bruce. Getting caught chasing
122. 3:378-year-olds is terrible looks. He out
123. 3:39there moving like Kanye. Damn, how hard
124. 3:41is it to not have with minors? They that
125. 3:43good?
126. 3:43>> Well, this isn't where I'd expect you,
127. 3:45Bruce. Let me guess. You here with
128. 3:47Gideon and them? Nah, it's just me. I
129. 3:49figured you might want something more
130. 3:50grown for a change. Trust me, if you
131. 3:53knew the other guy, I had my fair share
132. 3:55of grown.
133. 3:56>> This is a sick negro.
134. 3:58>> And although I always make fun of the
135. 3:59Unincredible Hulk, the way he's handled
136. 4:01in this movie is perfect. The Hulk
137. 4:04should really be treated like the
138. 4:05baby against the atomic Everyone
139. 4:07[screaming] that's ever around this
140. 4:09should be their pants.
141. 4:11And that's how everybody in this movie
142. 4:13acts around Bruce. I especially love
143. 4:14this scene right here where Bruce IS
144. 4:16LIKE, "STOP LYING TO ME." HAD BLACK
145. 4:17WIDOW UP the pole with straight
146. 4:19efficiency. Even had everyone outside
147. 4:21strapped up, too. And for 2 seconds, I
148. 4:23find it funny how y'all thought guns
149. 4:24were going to work, and then I got mad.
150. 4:26You brought a bunch of army men with
151. 4:28ARPs to take down the Hulk. Did y'all
152. 4:30think he did not see the last movie?
153. 4:36He was in front of that university doing
154. 4:38the army so bad, and this comes in
155. 4:40with a upside-down tripod thinking he's
156. 4:42going to do something. Is this
157. 4:44serious? And this is just one of many
158. 4:46things in this movie. You know what?
159. 4:47Tally that, too. Both Hawkeye and Shield
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205. 6:14>> Next we get to Tony Stark out here
206. 6:15building some I don't even know
207. 6:17what he's doing right now. But every
208. 6:18scene where he don't got the mask, he's
209. 6:20going to give you the greatest gift of
210. 6:21all time. He is a walking talking meme
211. 6:23machine. I'm telling you, Tony facial's
212. 6:25got to be the best. Finally, we get to
213. 6:27Cap. The coldest intro out of the entire
214. 6:29original six. You got my man's punching
215. 6:32in the gym. Reminiscing about his past,
216. 6:34his best friend, his country, his
217. 6:35shorty. Yeah, you lose someone like
218. 6:37Penny, you got every right to crash out.
219. 6:40He punches the bag across the room.
220. 6:42Truly one of the best in the franchise.
221. 6:43But this is when Nick Fury comes in to
222. 6:45give him the method, the play. Stop Loki
223. 6:48from getting the Uridium in Germany. And
224. 6:50Captain America decides to pull up that
225. 6:52SAME NIGHT.
226. 6:57SO, WE GET TO GERMANY AND everyone's out
227. 6:59there looking fancy as hell. And they're
228. 7:00all out there having money making
229. 7:02conversations moving just like these.
230. 7:03>> I think I should be his lawyer.
231. 7:04>> Indeed.
232. 7:05>> And while Captain America gets ready
233. 7:07[music] to crash the party, we find out
234. 7:09that Loki has already arrived. And Loki
235. 7:11was out there just terrorizing
236. 7:13Not just physically, but also visually.
237. 7:15Walking out the museum trying so hard to
238. 7:17aura farm. Fit was so trash had the
239. 7:19whole crowd screaming.
240. 7:20>> Hold on, y'all. IS THAT FAKE DIOR?
241. 7:24>> YEAH, THE FIT WAS SO WEAK, THE WHOLE
242. 7:26CROWD had to run away.
243. 7:27>> Loki blows up a police car for no
244. 7:28reason. I promise if you're in Miami,
245. 7:30you're going to see five drunk white
246. 7:31girls driving a car just like this. And
247. 7:33he ends up surrounding the entire crowd.
248. 7:35He tells them all to kneel and they're
249. 7:36all looking at him like
250. 7:37>> Man, SHUT [screaming] UP.
251. 7:39>> [laughter]
252. 7:40>> KNEEL!
253. 7:42>> NO, I'M CRYING. LIL BRO FELL FOR THE
254. 7:44RAGE BEAT.
255. 7:45NAH, they was out there straight frying,
256. 7:47[screaming] bro. Loki tries to make an
257. 7:49example out of him, tries to make him
258. 7:50wrestle with his favorite wrestler. Only
259. 7:52for Captain America to spawn right in.
260. 7:56OH, HELL YEAH. [screaming]
261. 7:57WHAT THE IS A KILOMETER? CAP AND LOKI
262. 7:59GETS A BOXING, but there is something I
263. 8:01got to address. And we going to have to
264. 8:03dial it back to right here. When Loki
265. 8:05was standing in front of the crowd and
266. 8:07Widow was pressing him on the
267. 8:08loudspeaker, [music] he tries to shoot
268. 8:09at her with the Widow weaves. And I
269. 8:11really want you to keep this in mind cuz
270. 8:13I'm going to be yelling about this
271. 8:14later. This pissed me off. And they
272. 8:15immediately gets a squabbling. Shield to
273. 8:17the chest immediately to a fight. Block,
274. 8:20parry, slam to knock the wind out his
275. 8:22system, got him talking LIKE, "AVENGERS
276. 8:24ASSEMBLE." HE TRIES to throw the shield,
277. 8:26deflect it. Cap's down 0-3. You got to
278. 8:28get back. Missed the right, hits this
279. 8:30dodge like he's playing Dance Dance
280. 8:32Revolution. [laughter]
281. 8:33Weaves again, got him HITTING THE JAW.
282. 8:36GET
283. 8:36LOW.
284. 8:38YEAH, THIS AIN'T NO ANIME, THAT
285. 8:39WEAKER [laughter] THAN A Cardi
286. 8:40mixtape. Loki launches him away and gets
287. 8:43the pole up to his head telling him to
288. 8:46kneel before his god. You got Cap
289. 8:48kneeling to a foreigner and taking
290. 8:50orders from black people. I know it was
291. 8:51a horrible day for him. But thankfully,
292. 8:53this is when the goat pulls up. "Hey
293. 8:56Natasha,
294. 8:57>> [laughter]
295. 8:58>> Pepper ain't home for the weekend. I
296. 8:59know you miss me." And while sliding
297. 9:01into Widow's DMs, [music] we get Iron
298. 9:03Man pulling up in beaming Loki right in
299. 9:05the chest. And that boy upped so many
300. 9:07guns to his face, I don't even know how
301. 9:09you own this, my Loki done hit
302. 9:11the Jordan gift. He was not trying to
303. 9:14run that fade. Iron Man and Cap lock him
304. 9:16up, but little did they know Loki was
305. 9:18plotting something the whole time.
306. 9:21Natasha gets all of them on the
307. 9:22Helicarrier trying to take them all to
308. 9:24Shield. But before they can make any
309. 9:26headway, some lightning begins to cover
310. 9:28their path. With Loki looking extra
311. 9:30shook, he's not ready for it. With Cap
312. 9:32turning to him saying, "What's the
313. 9:33matter? Scared of a little lightning?"
314. 9:36"I'm not overly fond of what follows.
315. 9:38>> And just as that sentence finishes, we
316. 9:41see Thor landing on the roof and he's
317. 9:43only there for one mission, get his
318. 9:45brother. And he starts by entering the
319. 9:47ship and turning Iron Man to a Mario
320. 9:49death animation. Grabbing Loki like a
321. 9:51father ready to give him some discipline
322. 9:53[laughter] and flies right off. And I
323. 9:55ain't going to lie, that got to be the
324. 9:56fastest mission clear I've ever seen in
325. 9:58a movie.
326. 10:00>> [music]
327. 10:01>> But here's the thing, you started a
328. 10:02battle with Tony Stark. And in one of
329. 10:05the coldest in the movie, Tony's like
330. 10:07>> Stark, we need a plan of attack.
331. 10:09>> I have a plan. Attack.
332. 10:12>> My goat. Thor calls iso on Loki and he's
333. 10:14out there pissed off. Talking about
334. 10:16some, "What are you DOING ON MY PLANET,
335. 10:19BROTHER?" HAD Loki talking like Mon-ke.
336. 10:21He said
337. 10:22>> My brother, please calm down.
338. 10:23>> Let me tell you this now. You will rue
339. 10:26the day THAT YOU
340. 10:28>> I'M LISTENING.
341. 10:29>> TACKLING BRODIE OUT of the sky, throwing
342. 10:31him to the dirt right next to Ghana's
343. 10:32jollof rice. Thor decides to get back
344. 10:35and throws the hammer right at his
345. 10:36chest. And Tony Stark was not playing
346. 10:39with that disrespect. Tony blasts Thor
347. 10:41right in the chest and hits him with A
348. 10:42THIS IS
349. 10:44>> [screaming]
350. 10:45>> RIGHT THROUGH THE TREE. AND THOR
351. 10:46immediately rebounds up and charges his
352. 10:48ultimate and sprays right at Iron Man.
353. 10:51But instead of turning him into an
354. 10:52Asgardian victim, he gets juiced to the
355. 10:55max. Shoots him in the chest sending him
356. 10:57way back and they get to scrapping.
357. 10:59Flying him through the air and Tony
358. 11:01starts shoving Thor in the dirt eating
359. 11:03that Aisha curry cooking. And that
360. 11:05slaps him off and hits a T Davis
361. 11:08backflip back into the ground. And even
362. 11:10though Thor lost his hammer, he's still
363. 11:12running that fade. PEEP THIS.
364. 11:15HE STARTS CRUSHING HIS SUIT WITH HIS
365. 11:17bare hands. Had Tony looking perplexed.
366. 11:19[laughter]
367. 11:20And he had no other choice but to flash
368. 11:22back him.
369. 11:25Sending Iron Man across the stage where
370. 11:26he immediately gets back in those weave
371. 11:29liver shot. Got got the same pose where
372. 11:31he got jumped and Thor hits him with a
373. 11:37Thor calls back the hammer like how
374. 11:38y'all call back your ex. And before he
375. 11:40can lay Iron Man down, he hits a boost
376. 11:42on the ground, breaking that boy's
377. 11:44ankles and clocking bro in the face. But
378. 11:47before they can really go crazy, Captain
379. 11:49America stops the fight, telling Thor,
380. 11:51"If you're really on our side, put down
381. 11:53the hammer." No, bad call. He loves his
382. 11:55hammer.
383. 11:56And we get my favorite line in the film.
384. 11:59He said,
385. 12:00>> Put the hammer down.
386. 12:01>> Project at Cap with all his might and
387. 12:04slams his shield, sending shockwaves
388. 12:06throughout the entire area. And after
389. 12:09seeing that Cap tanked that bit with
390. 12:11ease, Thor was like, "Damn, I guess you
391. 12:13do got it." Leaving Thor with a newfound
392. 12:16respect for Captain America. One of my
393. 12:18favorite parts of the movie. I had to
394. 12:19put both hands up and call it some
395. 12:21absolute cinema. But Loki gets captured
396. 12:23and locked in a cage. And after this
397. 12:25conversation, they all try to figure out
398. 12:27what is Loki's main scheme. really funny
399. 12:29scene where Thor tries to defend his
400. 12:31brother.
401. 12:32>> He killed 80 people in two days.
402. 12:34>> He's adopted.
403. 12:35>> I love how Tony Stark is genuinely
404. 12:37trying to piss off Banner.
405. 12:39>> Ow.
406. 12:40>> Oh, hell no, man. What the [music]
407. 12:42man?
408. 12:43>> Yo, I ain't going to lie. I ALREADY SAID
409. 12:44IT.
410. 12:45>> [laughter]
411. 12:46>> AND THEY ALL ATTEMPT to try to figure
412. 12:47out Loki's scheme, why he's so quick to
413. 12:49surrender and why he's so fine with
414. 12:52sitting in a cell. And the only reason
415. 12:54why we figure it out is because of Black
416. 12:56Widow. And I know all three Hawkeye fans
417. 12:58in all of my videos are so quick to say
418. 13:01to me, "Zeff, you always trying to diss
419. 13:02Hawkeye. But what about Widow?" And I'm
420. 13:05here to tell y'all right now, it is not
421. 13:07close. Like I said in the beginning of
422. 13:08the video, this movie really shows how
423. 13:11much of a fraud Hawkeye is, but it also
424. 13:13shows how pivotal Black Widow actually
425. 13:15is to the Avengers. Now, I know I'm
426. 13:17about to glaze this scene and some of
427. 13:19y'all going to be like, "Zeff, this
428. 13:20really doesn't change anything in the
429. 13:21plot." And I know it doesn't, but shut
430. 13:23up, Prioritizing the agenda is
431. 13:25the top priority. And when you're
432. 13:26watching this interrogation scene, you
433. 13:28can see that she's playing Loki like a
434. 13:29fiddle, a straight ocarina. Like first
435. 13:32things first,
436. 13:35girl, no one's looking at Thor in the
437. 13:36background when you GOT THAT KEY
438. 13:38ALL OVER MY SCREEN. I'm sorry, but them
439. 13:40shirts was really distracting me. They
440. 13:42put my boy OLUWOLU WHO WANTS BACK SHOTS
441. 13:45during this entire conversation by
442. 13:46playing her cards right. She's able to
443. 13:48figure out that Loki's main plan is to
444. 13:50unleash the Hulk and using him to
445. 13:52destroy the rest of the Avengers. But
446. 13:54when she comes to relay the information,
447. 13:56the entire group is already arguing,
448. 13:58yapping about a whole bunch of BS. I
449. 14:00don't even know what's going on anymore.
450. 14:02But we get two very important things in
451. 14:04this dispute. Number one, Cap and Iron
452. 14:06Man get in an ideological argument and
453. 14:08then with Cap saying this,
454. 14:09>> You're not the guy to make the sacrifice
455. 14:11play,
456. 14:12to lay down on a wire and let the other
457. 14:13guy crawl over you.
458. 14:15>> Not only did this line age like that,
459. 14:17but it is perfect foreshadowing to Tony
460. 14:19Stark's character arc. And number two,
461. 14:21just to preface this again, I love how
462. 14:23they handled Bruce Banner in this movie.
463. 14:25Just him getting a little bit worked up
464. 14:27got all the Avengers in shock, ready to
465. 14:30up the pole at a moment's notice. They
466. 14:32not about that smoke. And before we move
467. 14:34on, Cap also says this,
468. 14:35>> Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds.
469. 14:37>> And if they laced up to box in that
470. 14:39moment, I don't care if it's Steve lean
471. 14:42or Irish spring green green, I got Iron
472. 14:44Man in five. He would have gave belt to
473. 14:46ass. But once they're done arguing,
474. 14:48Hawkeye finally does something useful
475. 14:50for the other team. Oh my goodness, this
476. 14:52can't do nothing. Exploding the
477. 14:55room they're all in to activate the Hulk
478. 14:56and rescue Loki. And let's just say he
479. 14:58succeeds in that first thing. Banner is
480. 15:00on the floor losing his mind and Black
481. 15:03Widow is doing all that she can to
482. 15:05bargain for her life. Banner, please
483. 15:07calm down. I will get you out of HERE ON
484. 15:10MY LIFE.
485. 15:11>> YOUR LIFE?
486. 15:14>> HERE WE GET the hardest Hulk
487. 15:17transformation in the MCU. They got his
488. 15:20body ripping apart [music] by the seams.
489. 15:23This real-life how Wembanyama was when
490. 15:24he hit puberty. And as the Hulk
491. 15:26transforms, Black Widow for some reason
492. 15:28wanted to get one last look in, dog.
493. 15:31Yeah, I ain't going to lie, shorty. You
494. 15:33getting it touched tonight. And she hits
495. 15:35the jets. The way the Hulk is on her
496. 15:38ass. He move it like Professor X doing
497. 15:41everything in his power to lock her
498. 15:43down. I saw this jump through a
499. 15:45vent.
500. 15:46>> [music]
501. 15:46>> This one of the scariest scenarios of
502. 15:48all time, and y'all think Bernard is
503. 15:50bad? And while Black Widow is still
504. 15:52running for her life, you see the Hulk
505. 15:53behind her, ladies?
506. 16:01Hulk chases her down the corridor and
507. 16:02slaps her to the wall. And before the
508. 16:04Hulk can finish her off,
509. 16:08Thor arrives with the save. Getting two
510. 16:11of the strongest Avengers in an ISO with
511. 16:14not one interruption. We get a weave. I
512. 16:16don't know where you aiming, dog. Stan
513. 16:18Lee, goofy and impeccable dodge right
514. 16:20here. And Thor tries to block. He's
515. 16:22doing all that he can to talk to Bruce.
516. 16:24Tell [music] him about some, "WE ARE NOT
517. 16:25YOUR ENEMIES, BANNER. TRY TO THINK."
518. 16:29YEAH, IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE
519. 16:30HULK, that transformation comes with
520. 16:32super strength and a fade, but not a
521. 16:34single brain cell. Thor gets thrown to
522. 16:36the ground, and the moment he does, he
523. 16:38puts his hand out. And Thor doing this
524. 16:41right here is the equivalent of a hood
525. 16:42losing a one-on-one fight and
526. 16:44immediately going to get the blink. He
527. 16:46immediately resorted to airing the whole
528. 16:48room out. Can't even blame the
529. 16:49though. This is who you fighting. And
530. 16:51once that hammer arrives, he bangs Hulk
531. 16:54in the face, laying him down. And we got
532. 16:56ourselves a real match. Hulk throws the
533. 16:58wing, and we get a usher slide right
534. 17:01into a throw. Hulk catches the hammer,
535. 17:03but fails to lift it. And Thor hits him
536. 17:05with a choke as a retort. And once that
537. 17:07happens, this man, Hulk, starts jumping
538. 17:10around the room until they crash into an
539. 17:13upper [music] room. We see an outside
540. 17:15POV from a fighter jet, and I see him
541. 17:16doing Thor like this.
542. 17:18>> Yeah, bro. It's looking like it's over
543. 17:20for you.
544. 17:20>> And as Hulk goes to finish him off, a
545. 17:23fighter jet hits him in the back. And
546. 17:25this gets him all the way pissed off. He
547. 17:29runs in jumping at the jet and ripping
548. 17:32it to shreds. And the moment the pilot
549. 17:34tries to escape, HE GETS CRABBED BY THE
550. 17:37HULK. I KNEW THE was like
551. 17:39>> I peed a little.
552. 17:40>> And he gets thrown to the sky while the
553. 17:43Hulk gets sent off to
554. 17:45>> knows where.
555. 17:46>> And when the Hulk gets decommissioned,
556. 17:48Thor gets hit with the most Looney Tunes
557. 17:50bump fake I've ever seen. He real life
558. 17:52hit the Montrachet.
559. 17:52>> My brother, please calm down.
560. 17:55This is our pair.
561. 17:56>> [screaming]
562. 17:57>> Loki sends him straight down to Earth
563. 17:58while he's stuck in that steel trap. And
564. 18:00I can't lie, this is a cold moment.
565. 18:02Waiting until the last possible second
566. 18:04to eject out that thing. Loki has a
567. 18:06running with Agent Coulson using his
568. 18:07ultimate and stabbing him right in the
569. 18:09back. And now I'm crying. Even on his
570. 18:11deathbed, Agent Coulson is still talking
571. 18:13smack.
572. 18:14>> Telling Loki straight to his face, "You
573. 18:16won't win. You lack conviction.
574. 18:19more scared of jobs than they scared of
575. 18:20you." Had me watching this like
576. 18:22>> Who
577. 18:23is this
578. 18:24>> And when Loki with his straight
579. 18:26megalodon tries to talk back, HE REAL
580. 18:28LIFE GETS SHOT RIGHT in the chest. And
581. 18:31now this really confirmed it. This got
582. 18:32to be the first I ever seen make
583. 18:34God a useless title. Loki could have
584. 18:37called himself the father, the son, or
585. 18:39the Holy Spirit and not a single
586. 18:41moving in that room.
587. 18:42>> Really, I think you're more
588. 18:43closer to the word God backwards, buddy.
589. 18:45>> And while all of this is going down, we
590. 18:47now get TO HAWKEYE.
591. 18:49>> EXPOSE HIM.
592. 18:50>> HAWKEYE.
593. 18:51>> I CAN'T STAND YOU.
594. 18:53>> HAWKEYE.
595. 18:54>> EXPOSE [screaming] HIM.
596. 18:56>> I KNOW IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, YOU'RE
597. 18:58WAITING FOR THIS. BUT HAWKEYE.
598. 19:00>> I GOT [screaming] TO ROAST YOU.
599. 19:01>> I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW I let him slide.
600. 19:03MAN, BRING YOUR ASS BACK HERE,
601. 19:05NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS MAN with this
602. 19:07Jeff from Clarence hairline got all his
603. 19:10shooters IN MY COMMENT SECTION TRYING TO
604. 19:12come at me, but
605. 19:14>> [laughter]
606. 19:14>> okay, I'll put it cases on all you
607. 19:17>> Hawkeye versus Black Widow in this movie
608. 19:19[music] does nothing but validate all my
609. 19:22hatred to this complete and utter fraud
610. 19:25of a hero.
611. 19:26>> I just want y'all to keep in mind,
612. 19:27Hawkeye is entering this fight fully
613. 19:30fresh with a Loki mind control boost,
614. 19:33and Black Widow's coming in after
615. 19:35running to save her life from the Hulk,
616. 19:37and literally having a broken leg.
617. 19:40>> And this stood no chance.
618. 19:43>> Like I don't ever want to see y'all try
619. 19:45to praise Hawkeye AGAIN. THIS GOT
620. 19:47CONCUSSED BY A SHORTY whose only power
621. 19:50is taekwondo. Is this serious?
622. 19:53>> And I know one little nerd is
623. 19:54going to be in the comments talking
624. 19:55about some, "Zeff, his specialty is
625. 19:57shooting, not combat." Bro,
626. 20:00>> Oh my god.
627. 20:01>> HE CAN'T EVEN DO THAT.
628. 20:02>> YOU ARE A WORTHLESS bitch-ass
629. 20:05>> This in damn near every Avengers
630. 20:07movie and ain't do a single useful thing
631. 20:10the entire run. I'm real life done, bro.
632. 20:12F these
633. 20:13>> But Loki escapes, and the entire gang is
634. 20:15defeated. Nick Fury tries to hype them
635. 20:17up by throwing Agent Coulson's cards on
636. 20:19the desk with his blood [music] smeared
637. 20:21all over them, inspiring the Avengers
638. 20:23back into action. We make it to New
639. 20:25York, and
640. 20:27y'all remember them cards I mentioned 2
641. 20:28seconds ago?
642. 20:30Yeah, this was lying. Them cards
643. 20:33was never in his pocket. It was in his
644. 20:35locker. He really grabbed them cards,
645. 20:37covered it in blood, and brought it back
646. 20:40to the Avengers, straight gaslighting
647. 20:42them, hitting them with the "No, no,
648. 20:43no."
649. 20:43>> Like why you thinking every single video
650. 20:45I be attacking THE BALD Y'ALL
651. 20:48ALWAYS DOING SOME TRIFLING ACTIVITY,
652. 20:50ain't no way.
653. 20:51>> Hawkeye breaks free of his spell, and
654. 20:52he's like, "All right, I'm part of the
655. 20:54good guys now." And wow,
656. 20:55congratulations, the Avengers are
657. 20:57officially a decimal place stronger.
658. 20:59>> But they pull up to New York where Loki
659. 21:01is, ready to put him down for the count.
660. 21:03And that starts with Iron Man's eye so
661. 21:05on Loki, and I'm not talking hands, I'm
662. 21:07talking straight roast battle. Got him
663. 21:09in the bar arguing like it's a PS4 party
664. 21:11and Tony Stark's dropping straight
665. 21:13bangers. When Loki's out there saying we
666. 21:15got an army. Iron Man's out here saying
667. 21:18>> a Hulk.
668. 21:19>> Immediate counter. I know Loki was
669. 21:20stuttering like
670. 21:21>> bodies, animatronics for anim-
671. 21:25>> [laughter]
672. 21:26>> Loki walks down on Tony and tries to
673. 21:28take him out of commission, but
674. 21:32Nah, don't look in disbelief, You
675. 21:34really dis ass. And this ain't even the
676. 21:36last time in this scene. He loses some
677. 21:38aura cuz he throws Tony Stark out the
678. 21:40tower and that man's suit comes in like
679. 21:42my PS4 when I'm about to get robbed by
680. 21:43chat GPT. And once he puts the suit on,
681. 21:46Tony comes back up and blasts Loki in
682. 21:48the face. And nah, it's crazy. They
683. 21:50treating Loki like a whole I saw
684. 21:53this tweet the other day and it's
685. 21:55actually factual. You could not make a
686. 21:57movie today where the heroes just
687. 21:59disrespect the villain like this.
688. 22:01Literally nobody takes him seriously.
689. 22:03You're only powerful cuz Thanos got you
690. 22:05a little toy. And not even they like
691. 22:07you. Earlier in the movie the minion
692. 22:08almost took this out. I cannot
693. 22:11believe that for 14 years we let the
694. 22:13Avengers first villain be a with
695. 22:15no badges. That got to be embarrassing.
696. 22:17But Loki unleashes the army and the
697. 22:19Chitauri [music] are out here going
698. 22:21crazy. And they just out here booming
699. 22:24anyone. Nobody on the streets is safe.
700. 22:27You will get touched. And while all this
701. 22:28destruction's happening, you see Loki on
702. 22:31the tower. Aura farming through all this
703. 22:33demise. You about to get the weakest ID
704. 22:35pick of all time. Drip like this is
705. 22:37godly, but they want me to keep it low
706. 22:39key.
707. 22:39>> MAN, YOU CORNY.
708. 22:41>> But Thor pulls up on Loki and he's tired
709. 22:43of this He's ready to spin back.
710. 22:45Weave. Block in the face. Loki hits a
711. 22:47full court miss and whips him back into
712. 22:49a shot. And they clash destroying the
713. 22:51tower. And nah, this really crazy both
714. 22:54in person and over text. Somebody's
715. 22:56getting crushed by the letter K. Thor
716. 22:58tackles Loki and starts talking to him
717. 23:00again. Look at this destruction,
718. 23:02brother. Look at what you caused. And
719. 23:04Loki with acting worse than things I've
720. 23:06seen from Stranger Things, looks at Thor
721. 23:09in the face and is like, "I'm I'm sorry,
722. 23:11brother. Let's fix this together." And
723. 23:13look at Thor's face, he be so happy to
724. 23:15fall for the same pump fake 10 times. I
725. 23:18know men [music] pray for a girl that's
726. 23:19gullible as this And he backdoors
727. 23:21that to the shock of absolutely
728. 23:24nobody. Even with this stab, Thor not
729. 23:26out the game, kicking this down
730. 23:28and hitting him with the
731. 23:31And this is where we get the scene that
732. 23:34I waited this entire [music]
733. 23:36video to complain about. Peep game.
734. 23:38Y'all remember this shot by Loki, right?
735. 23:40Him missing the aircraft with Black
736. 23:41Widow at the helm? We get the exact same
737. 23:44scenario here with Hawkeye. And I just
738. 23:46want you to guess how that goes.
739. 23:56What do you mean? [screaming]
740. 23:57I genuinely have no more words for this
741. 24:00YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF. NOW,
742. 24:02LOKI hits the god of blasts and flies
743. 24:04out that And he was massively
744. 24:06playing with his aura right here.
745. 24:07Imagine the ship was a second [music]
746. 24:09late.
747. 24:11But we get back to the human musketeers.
748. 24:13And with them crash landed on the
749. 24:15ground, they got a new objective. Clear
750. 24:17the entire city out. And I don't know,
751. 24:19bro, some of these civilians clearly
752. 24:20don't need y'all. But while they're
753. 24:22getting ready to defend home turf,
754. 24:24something unexpected comes out of the
755. 24:26hole. Like when you're smashing a
756. 24:27pregnant woman and the baby grab your
757. 24:29nuts.
758. 24:29>> [screaming]
759. 24:29>> Nobody saw this coming. They see the
760. 24:32mother of all aliens descend from the
761. 24:36sky while dropping more Chitauri all
762. 24:38throughout New York City. And Cap
763. 24:40looking up in disbelief, he like, "Damn,
764. 24:43I know none of them got papers." The
765. 24:45Chitauri start destroying things all
766. 24:46throughout New York, leaving Cap with no
767. 24:49other choice but to go off on his own,
768. 24:51leaving Hawkeye and Widow to defend his
769. 24:53back. And Cap immediately [music] goes
770. 24:55on the run. He knows exactly what his
771. 24:57objective is. But this ain't before he
772. 24:59does some very necessary aura farming.
773. 25:01Yes, Mr. I slide on cars was aura
774. 25:04farming since his first appearance. But
775. 25:07Cap pulls up on 12 telling them his
776. 25:08exact plan and they're just like
777. 25:10is that guy?
778. 25:12Who the is that?
779. 25:14>> But once Cap takes out Chitauri in their
780. 25:16face, they are more than willing to
781. 25:18comply. Everybody gets together on the
782. 25:20ground and this is where Hawkeye says
783. 25:22this.
784. 25:23>> unfinished business with Loki.
785. 25:24>> Yeah, get in line.
786. 25:30>> GET IN LINE FOR WHAT, BRO? YOU GETTING
787. 25:32your ass beat? Trust me, I'm good. But
788. 25:35while they together on the ground, we
789. 25:36just hear with Bruce Banner pulling up
790. 25:39late as hell.
791. 25:40>> My fault, y'all. Traffic was crazy as
792. 25:41hell.
793. 25:42>> Dog, what traffic? No one trying to come
794. 25:44out here.
795. 25:44just love lying. And while Bruce
796. 25:46is trying to explain why he came 30
797. 25:48minutes late, Iron Man immediately
798. 25:49brings a space glizzy towards them. Had
799. 25:51everyone looking in disbelief. This is
800. 25:53like when you playing Fortnite and your
801. 25:54ally brings the enemy being like, "Bro,
802. 25:57they caught US, BRO. WE GOT CAUGHT."
803. 26:00>> BRO, not we, You.
804. 26:02>> But the galactic lizardron starts
805. 26:04gliding across the floor leaving Bruce
806. 26:06Banner to walk right towards it. And I
807. 26:08don't think anyone's going to argue with
808. 26:09me when I say this. This is the hardest
809. 26:11scene in the entire movie.
810. 26:14>> That's my secret, Cap.
811. 26:16I'm always angry.
812. 26:21>> And as Hulk slams the Chitauri straight
813. 26:24in the face, Iron Man explodes the rest
814. 26:27of his body. And when the rest of the
815. 26:28Chitauri get geeked, we see the Avengers
816. 26:31all lined up ready to tweak out. One of
817. 26:35the most iconic shots of all time. If
818. 26:37you can make Hawkeye look cool, that's a
819. 26:39yes out of me. And this is where Cap
820. 26:40lays out the method, the play, the art
821. 26:43of war to make sure that Earth comes out
822. 26:45on top starting with Hawkeye at the one,
823. 26:47the point guard. Staying on top of the
824. 26:49building watching all patterns and
825. 26:50handing out assists when needed. Next,
826. 26:52we got Iron Man as the wing defender. We
827. 26:55get this really hard line from Cap right
828. 26:56here. He says,
829. 26:57>> gets more than three blocks out, you
830. 26:58turn [music] it back or you turn it to
831. 26:59ash.
832. 27:00>> Next up, Thor. Cap was tired of Thor
833. 27:02gassing himself up as a god despite him
834. 27:04using his thunder not once. And Cap just
835. 27:07said,
836. 27:08>> Put hands ON ONE OF THEM
837. 27:09>> YOU BETTER spam that lightning like I
838. 27:11begging for subs. I need you up there.
839. 27:13With Thor flying right off and peep the
840. 27:15BLACK WIDOW STARE.
841. 27:20I KNOW A LOT OF Y'ALL IN THAT same
842. 27:21scenario folding like this.
843. 27:23>> What what
844. 27:25What is I'm sorry.
845. 27:26>> [laughter]
846. 27:27>> Cap saw that stare and realized she
847. 27:28can't leave his side at all. He needs
848. 27:30that. Told shorty, stay here, you with
849. 27:32me. Like that one teacher asking the
850. 27:34girls to stay after class. Buddy, I know
851. 27:36what you are. And to end it off, he
852. 27:37said, "Hulk
853. 27:40smash."
854. 27:41>> [snorts]
855. 27:42>> Hulk jumps up and immediately dunks on
856. 27:45one of them While jumping to
857. 27:47the next building and slamming another,
858. 27:48and now look at his face when he's
859. 27:50getting shot, bro. Really,
860. 27:53Yeah, you was asking for that one. And
861. 27:54he just goes crazy on the rest, sending
862. 27:57one through a window. I know the
863. 27:58inside confused as hell. And he jumps
864. 28:01like up licking TWO SHIPS AT ONCE. OH,
865. 28:04YEAH, THAT'S BIG HULK. WE GOT
866. 28:07THOR up there looking like Percy
867. 28:08Jackson. And he starts electrocuting the
868. 28:10entire hole, GOT THEM LOOKING LIKE
869. 28:14THE FACT THAT he's able to wipe the army
870. 28:16out this easily, I don't know why he
871. 28:17wasn't doing [music] this before. You
872. 28:19got Hawkeye up there doing the only
873. 28:21thing he's good at, shooting people. And
874. 28:22Iron Man's out there playing Mario Kart.
875. 28:24Weaving the Chitauri throughout the city
876. 28:26and doing so much property damage, you
877. 28:28would have thought the Knicks won the
878. 28:29championship. They continue to go crazy,
879. 28:31but peep this alien dabbing the wall up.
880. 28:33Even with aliens, it's a universal male
881. 28:36experience. But Iron Man leaves them all
882. 28:38out, leading us to Cap and Widow. Widow
883. 28:40unlocks a new weapon in her inventory
884. 28:42and shoots one of the Chitauri. Decides
885. 28:44to change her her to [music] get the
886. 28:45Tesseract. Getting a vertical boost from
887. 28:48Cap, allowing her to make her escape,
888. 28:50leaving Captain America to fight on his
889. 28:52own. One man army against city. But
890. 28:54thankfully, Iron Man comes in with the
891. 28:55assist. But peep this phase aim right
892. 28:58here. Nah, get Tony signed to the clan.
893. 29:00No wonder man's LEFT.
894. 29:01>> JOKING, I PLAY FORTNITE, BRO.
895. 29:03HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
896. 29:04>> IRON MAN MOVES those two four of them
897. 29:05getting a one up. And we see Cap
898. 29:07hitting the craziest [music] combo I've
899. 29:09done ever seen. A jump shot backwards
900. 29:12shield hit and slams this to the
901. 29:15ground. Yeah, I don't even want to know
902. 29:17what status your body was left [music]
903. 29:18in after that. Cap and Iron Man still
904. 29:20going brazy, which leads us to the Hulk,
905. 29:22who's teaming up with Thor just WIPING
906. 29:24OUT. THAT'S WHAT I LOVE TO SEE.
907. 29:27Two of the strongest Avengers teamed up.
908. 29:29And once [music] they finish the battle,
909. 29:30they both stand there trying to get a
910. 29:32flick. Little does he know Hulk does not
911. 29:34play that. When a ugly call you
912. 29:36twin, get your ass out of here. But we
913. 29:38get back to Cap and dog.
914. 29:44Nah, this is what I be telling y'all
915. 29:46Captain America is a threat. But
916. 29:49if I didn't scare all three Hawkeye fans
917. 29:51away already, I got to say something I
918. 29:53never wanted to say.
919. 29:55>> Eat the light, Bart.
920. 29:57>> Hawkeye actually looks cool.
921. 29:59>> [screaming]
922. 29:59>> When Loki's trying to escape the scene,
923. 30:01Hawkeye gets this really cool shot and
924. 30:04dimes it right in his face.
925. 30:13Spiraling him to the ground and before
926. 30:15he could even catch a breath,
927. 30:22the Hulk just Superman dove into this
928. 30:25[music] And he somehow still has
929. 30:27a functioning spine. And Loki gets up
930. 30:29pissed TALKING ABOUT SOME ENOUGH!
931. 30:31>> YOU ARE ALL OF YOU BENEATH ME. I will
932. 30:34not BE BULLIED BY
933. 30:41>> YEAH, NAH. THIS REALLY tried it.
934. 30:43You really a grown ass man talking about
935. 30:45some stop bullying me expecting anyone
936. 30:48to take you seriously. Yeah, no wonder
937. 30:50you was out there kissing concrete. Had
938. 30:51that hanging both hands up like
939. 30:53he in a playoff crowd. Lays him down
940. 30:55like he Snow White but the only kiss
941. 30:57you're getting is the kiss of death with
942. 30:59Hulk walking away saying
943. 31:00>> Puny god.
944. 31:02>> Perfect. But just to show you how
945. 31:03useless Loki is, even though the main
946. 31:06antagonist is gone, the Chitauri are
947. 31:08still somehow cooking the Avengers. And
948. 31:11Iron Man realizing that they're in New
949. 31:12York and decides to nuke them
950. 31:15Flying a nuke all the way up into the
951. 31:17portal, letting it go, seeing Thanos'
952. 31:20gargantuan army and blowing it into
953. 31:23pieces, saving the day and crash landing
954. 31:25down to Earth. And he would have got
955. 31:27done like Flat Stanley if Hulk didn't
956. 31:29come in to save his ass. And the day is
957. 31:31saved.
958. 31:33>> Wake up, Loki.
959. 31:37>> Hey,
960. 31:38that's what you got coming,