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The Art of Getting Along With Others | Brother Anandamoy — Transcript

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0:02Let us all pray together.
0:04Heavenly Father,
0:06Mother,
0:08Friend,
0:09Beloved God,
0:12Jesus Christ,
0:14Bhagavan Krishna,
0:17Mahavatar Babaji,
0:21Lahiri Mahasaya,
0:24Swami Sri Yukteswarji,
0:28our guru,
0:30Paramahansa Yoganandaji,
0:34saints of all religions,
0:37we bow to you all.
0:42Beloved God,
0:44bless our service.
0:47Help us to feel Thy presence
0:51and bless us always,
0:54all our spiritual efforts.
0:57Help us to find Thee
1:01in our daily meditations,
1:05and finding Thee within,
1:08we shall find Thee without,
1:12in all people,
1:14in all conditions.
1:19Aum.
1:22Peace.
1:23Amen.
1:26Please be seated.
1:33Let us sit upright,
1:37and let us close our eyes
1:40and forget
1:42all outer thoughts, outer consciousness.
1:50Let us direct our attention inward
1:53and upward to the point between the eyebrows.
2:00All the great scriptures have mentioned that point;
2:05Jesus mentioned it as the single eye.
2:10It is the seat of the Christ Consciousness within us.
2:20And it is there that we can contact first the
2:26deeper experience of
2:28God’s consciousness, God’s presence.
3:17The subject today is
3:19"The Art of Getting Along With Others."
3:23Isn't that exciting? Huh?
3:27But you know, it took me a long time
3:32to understand
3:34how important this subject is.
3:39It is incredibly important. It is,
3:42I almost would say it is as important as meditation.
3:49I have big eyes now looking at me, but
3:53it is really.
3:56If we consider
4:00why we are here,
4:02it always comes back to that.
4:04And I suppose those of you who have
4:06been here, coming regularly for some time,
4:10you have heard me say that about a thousand times,
4:14and that we are in school,
4:17that this place — this earth — is not a vacation place.
4:22And so the disciplines — the main disciplines —
4:27in order to reach our goal, which is oneness with God
4:31— the realization of oneness with God —
4:34the main discipline is meditation.
4:40And that is why Paramahansa Yogananda came
4:43with his special dispensation, to bring us the techniques —
4:47Kriya Yoga.
4:51It's not enough.
4:54The next important — the way I see it,
4:57the next important discipline
5:01to reach our goal
5:03is to learn to live in harmony with other people.
5:10It's that important.
5:16Now, to the basic principle of this subject.
5:24Paramahansa Yogananda said,
5:26"The greatest happiness
5:29next to divine happiness,
5:32is to live in peace
5:33with those with whom we have to live every day of the year."
5:39This is a very powerful statement — very potent.
5:44"The greatest happiness next to divine happiness" —
5:48What is divine happiness?
5:51The bliss of God.
5:53And I suppose you heard about that last Sunday,
5:57because that was the subject, if I remember correctly —
6:02the bliss of God. That is the goal —
6:04oneness with God, oneness with Infinite Bliss.
6:09Now, next to that happiness
6:15is the happiness that comes
6:20by living in peace, living in harmony
6:24with those we have to live with,
6:26either in a family,
6:28or work with on a work job,
6:30or wherever we have to deal with people.
6:37Now, this gets right into the very core, the very essence
6:42of Paramahansa Yogananda's teachings.
6:45It goes into the very core of the science of yoga,
6:51the science of the teachings of Jesus Christ,
6:54the teachings of Krishna, the teachings of all the Great Ones.
6:57It goes right into the core of it.
7:03There is research — studies by sociologists —
7:08and they said, "The occasions that cause the most stress
7:14are not the ones commonly thought to be stress producers,
7:18such as job demands,
7:20financial problems,
7:22sickness in the family, and so on.
7:28The most upsetting occasions
7:31are interpersonal conflicts."
7:36Have you experienced that? Huh?
7:40We all have.
7:41That's how we learn, hopefully.
7:45That's how we learn.
7:48Now.
7:52The definition of yoga
7:58— you read this in the
7:59"Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yogananda —
8:03definition of yoga, meaning the final goal that we are reaching,
8:06that we are supposed to reach,
8:09is union with God.
8:12And that comes through
8:15stilling the waves of consciousness.
8:22And that means that the whole thing is still,
8:25that goes into deep meditation.
8:28And the mind is still,
8:29completely absorbed, completely calm,
8:32completely concentrated,
8:34and the life force is completely still and absorbed
8:38in the higher chakras.
8:40When the emotions are completely calm,
8:44no ruffle,
8:45everything is still.
8:47It's exactly what it says in the Bible in the Old Testament,
8:51"Be still, and know that I am God."
8:56That's the only way
8:58that we can have the true experience of God —
9:02be still.
9:05Now can you imagine?
9:08Do you remember when you had some upset,
9:10some conflict with another person,
9:13and you tried to meditate?
9:16Didn't work.
9:18It didn't work.
9:20Because there's this commotion,
9:22emotional commotion going on inside, isn't it?
9:30And that is why it says in the Bible —
9:33Jesus said, "Before you go to worship"
9:36— I'm translating that into now modern language —
9:39"Before you go to worship,"
9:41meaning before you go to meditation,
9:46first thing analyze and see
9:48whether you have some problem with another person.
9:52And if there is, you go there and make peace
9:55and then you go to meditation.
9:58Because if you don't have peace inside,
10:01if there's inner commotion, if you are upset,
10:04you sit down in meditation, you cannot meditate.
10:09And when you look at the
10:13greatest commandment which is given in the Bible
10:16— Old Testament, New Testament —
10:19first, the highest commandment is
10:22"Love God with all your heart,
10:24all your mind, all your soul, all your strength."
10:29Right?
10:30Same thing is taught in the Gita.
10:32Same thing is taught in all the various scriptures of various religions.
10:37That's the highest commandment.
10:38That in one sentence is the whole principle,
10:43the whole essence of Kriya Yoga — Raja Yoga.
10:49But the next one,
10:50"Love thy neighbor as thyself,"
10:55is of equal importance.
10:58Isn't it amazing?
11:00And then Jesus said, "On these two commandments
11:05hang all the law,
11:07and all the prophets."
11:10That's the essence;
11:12that's the basic discipline that we have to consider.
11:18So, if we really understand what life is all about,
11:22that the goal of life is God-realization,
11:27and we really want that —
11:30takes a while to
11:31really understand that and really want that, isn't it?
11:37But once we understand why we are here
11:40and what the purpose is,
11:43these are the most essential disciplines:
11:47the one is meditation,
11:52and the other one is
11:53to live in harmony with other people.
11:57It's that important.
12:06Well, with that I really have covered the subject,
12:10but you don't want to go home yet
12:13so I'll go a little bit more into it.
12:18You know there are many rules, of course.
12:20It's a very complex subject of how to do it
12:23and all that sort of thing. But if you keep in mind
12:27what the purpose of it all is
12:29and how we have to learn to get along with others.
12:34And you know,
12:35not everybody in this world
12:37is on the same level of understanding and behavior.
12:42And so you come in contact with people who are
12:45somewhat, you know,
12:50shall I say "off"?
12:53And some of them are really badly off,
12:56and so it's very difficult to
12:59always be in peace and always get along.
13:02And even with devotees — I'll talk about that, too.
13:07So, I want to read a letter that was written some time ago
13:10by Daya Mata, our President.
13:13She said, "Our daily associations with people
13:17play an important part in our quest for God."
13:22And there it comes again: they see the relationship between
13:26our dealing with people
13:28and the goal of God — God-realization.
13:34"Sometimes devotees," she said,
13:35"Sometimes devotees feel they would find God more easily
13:39if they lived in undisturbed solitude.
13:43But it is very difficult to find God by yourself.
13:48Why? Because wherever you go
13:51you take all your limitations
13:53and your habits and your moods.
13:58And when there is no opposition,
14:01there is no impetus to change.
14:06Unchallenged, the ego reigns supreme
14:11and you remain the same.
14:14And generally,
14:16it is only through our daily interaction with others
14:20that character flaws are exposed.
14:24Our undesirable traits meet with resistance
14:27or are heightened by trying circumstances.
14:32We are then forced to recognize and overcome
14:36our imperfections.
14:40Being thrown in with many different personalities
14:44serves like a pumice to rub away the delusion
14:48encrusting our souls.
14:51The necessity to adjust and improve
14:55hastens our spiritual growth.”
15:00Now, this is always, of course,
15:04conditioned by whether we are willing to change.
15:09Usually the attitude is,
15:10everybody else has to change — I'm okay.
15:14And as long as we have that attitude,
15:16we are not going to change.
15:19We have to change, regardless of the other people.
15:24And then she said, "It is not possible to be happy in the narrow confines
15:28of a self-centered existence.
15:32To live in peace and harmony in this world
15:34we have to be thoughtful of others."
15:36These are the main keys — to be thoughtful of others.
15:42"And when we are,
15:43we open the doors to greater understanding and fulfillment.
15:49We have been placed here to reunite with God,
15:53to get beyond duality by loving Him unconditionally."
16:00And now, whether a person's behavior is good or bad,
16:04friendly or unfriendly,
16:06his soul is still essentially a part of God.
16:11God is just behind every finite form.
16:16The devotee who ceases to think of self and endeavors only to please God,
16:22beholding Him in all,
16:24swiftly reaches His eternal embrace.
16:30And here we have another thought.
16:32First one is, to be thoughtful of others.
16:35The other thought is, beholding Him in all meaning —
16:40as it says in the Gita:
16:43God speaking, "I am the Self in all beings."
16:48That's another thought which helps.
16:51So, you know, the whole thing is a very interesting subject, isn't it?
16:56And it's a hard subject, maybe —
16:59to learn to get along with everybody, even with devotees,
17:03you know, even here in the temple.
17:05You come here for services, you come here for meditations and
17:10once in a while we have some special events
17:13— some social thing — like we had the banquet the other day.
17:17This is not just to have socials.
17:21Maybe you have noticed that; maybe you have not noticed that.
17:24This is also spiritual training.
17:26This is now not just the spiritual training in meditation
17:29and listening to Master's teachings, but
17:33to learn to get along with others.
17:37Now, when we had the banquet for instance,
17:39maybe you were not aware of it,
17:41there were about sixty people involved to put that banquet on.
17:45Do you realize that?
17:48And in planning, making the decorations,
17:53cooking the food, and serving, and the whole setup,
17:57and then cleaning afterwards and all that sort of thing
18:00— about sixty people.
18:02And they did a wonderful job.
18:05But, it is training;
18:08it is training of the devotees.
18:12And even though they are devotees, you know, the Master used to say,
18:16"I do not attract weaklings. I attract strong people."
18:22Now, if you have a couple strong people
18:24and they have different opinions about how a thing should be done,
18:29most likely sparks fly, right?
18:32And so we have to understand, we have to give in a little bit.
18:37There has to be give and take
18:39and there has to be harmony because that's the most important thing.
18:42It is spiritual training.
18:44When you come here, when we have some special event
18:47or when you come here as we had yesterday
18:49in helping, serving here at the temple,
18:52and maintenance and cleaning and all that sort of thing,
18:56it's all spiritual training.
18:59All spiritual training. It's all part of it.
19:06Now. We talked sometimes about
19:11people who had the experience of what they call
19:15near-death experience — clinical deaths —
19:18person who died, left the body and was revived again and came back.
19:24Some of them had, usually it doesn't happen that way,
19:28but some of them had some deeper insight through that experience —
19:32that they had a glimpse of a larger perspective
19:39and they saw what is involved
19:42in certain relationships they have in this life now.
19:48There was one man who said,
19:49"My father and I have been working on this relationship
19:54in several past lives and we have still not cleaned it up."
20:02Another one said, "My mother was my mother in a past life
20:06and I didn't like her then either."
20:11And another one said, "My father was a person in a past life
20:15whom I treated cruelly."
20:21And so this is very interesting thing because,
20:27you know, those that are close to us, that we love,
20:31love is a very powerful magnet.
20:34Automatically we are drawn again together
20:38in the future if we have to come back.
20:42But if there is trouble with another person
20:46and we have not learned our lesson yet,
20:50those people are drawn to us again in order for us to learn.
20:54We may not yet be able to straighten out the other person.
20:58That is not our job.
21:01Our job is that we learn.
21:06And when we have learned our lessons, then we are free to go.
21:11So both is necessary. It is not just a deep desire for God,
21:15and a deep love for God and meditation,
21:18the other one is also a necessity —
21:21to learn how to get along,
21:24how to live in peace with other people.
21:30And so, you know, we have to learn. I want to read to you.
21:35This is from a family counselor
21:38who conducted a weekend workshop for a group of married people
21:43who had trouble with their marriages.
21:46And he wrote afterwards:
21:49"During that workshop, I heard one of the members —
21:52man state that the purpose and function of his wife
21:57was to keep their home neat and him well-fed."
22:04And he said, "I was aghast
22:06at what seemed to me his painfully blatant chauvinism.
22:13I thought I might demonstrate this to him
22:15by asking the other members of the group to state
22:17how they perceived the purpose and function of their spouses.
22:23To my horror,
22:28the others — male and female alike —
22:35gave very similar answers.
22:40All of them defined the purpose and function
22:42of their husbands or wives in reference to themselves.
22:49All of them failed to perceive
22:52that their mates might have an existence
22:55basically separate from their own,
22:58or any kind of destiny apart from their marriage."
23:04Isn't that amazing?
23:06And the Master said to us many times in his services.
23:10He said, "God has given us family in order to overcome selfishness,
23:15to include others, to not to think of just self,
23:20but to think of what is best for the other person.
23:23How can I help? How to be thoughtful."
23:27And so then the family counselor said,
23:30"'Good grief, it's no wonder
23:32that you all have difficulties with your marriages.'
23:36And the group not only felt chastised
23:38but profoundly confused by what I said.
23:42And somewhat belligerently they asked me to define
23:44the purpose and function of my wife.
23:48And I said, `The purpose and function of her is to grow to be the most
23:54in which she is capable, not for my benefit,
23:58but for her own.'"
24:01And so this is what the Master says, "We have to
24:04learn to think of others, to be thoughtful of others."
24:09And here's another point now: Paramahansa Yogananda said,
24:13"A man who cannot get along with others
24:15is one who does not get along with himself."
24:19Now sometimes I have seen people
24:21who may have difficulties personally,
24:25may be very loving, very kind to others.
24:27But generally speaking, it is when we are down in the dumps,
24:31we see everything wrong.
24:34And just the other day I had a talk with one of the young novices,
24:39and he asked me, he said,
24:40"You know if I see something wrong in another monk,
24:44is it okay for me to tell him what's wrong?"
24:48I said, "Well, it's better to leave this up to his counselor."
24:55He said, "Yeah, but if I see something wrong I really feel like telling him."
25:01I said, "Why don't you send a note to his counselor."
25:07And then I told him a story. I said there were a couple monks
25:10who went to the Master complaining about another one.
25:13And Master patiently listened and when they were finished he said,
25:18"Change yourself."
25:23And then the monk said, "You know it is true.
25:26When I feel good, everything is okay.
25:32And when I'm down, I want to criticize everybody."
25:38I said, "Yes, that is a reflection of your own consciousness."
25:43And so the basic thing is, we have to work on ourselves.
25:49There was a couple.
25:52They had been married for twenty years, and finally they came to the conclusion
25:56they could not live together any more.
25:58They had to get a divorce. So they went to a professional counselor,
26:02not to get any counseling for marriage, because they had decided to divorce,
26:07but they wanted him to help them
26:09to get through their divorce so that it would be easier.
26:13And he listened to them and he said, "Now, I want you to go home
26:16and both of you, you ask yourself,
26:20'What it is it like to be married to me?'"
26:25And they said, "Well we don't want to do that. We have already decided
26:28we cannot live together anymore. We have to get a divorce."
26:30And he said, "No, you go home and you ask that question."
26:36So reluctantly they said, "All right, we'll do that."
26:40And they did.
26:43"What it is like to be married to me?"
26:46And they both came to the conclusion, "Ahhh!
26:55I have to change."
26:58And they really recognized:
27:01"I have to change. I have work to do on myself."
27:07And after some time that counselor called them and said,
27:10"What about the divorce?"
27:11And they said, "We don't want to get a divorce."
27:15"Our marriage is getting better all the time."
27:19Now, that doesn't apply only to marriage, you know.
27:22That can apply to the work place and wherever we are
27:25where we have to deal with people asking ourselves,
27:28"What is it like to be working with me?"
27:34"What is it like to be in my company?"
27:38And really sincerely asking those questions.
27:42And the Master said, you know, this is not just for our own sake.
27:47This has to do with world conditions.
27:52It is the inner harmony of the individual human souls
27:55who comprise the various nations and the social structures in them
28:00that will bring peace to man and to this world.
28:09Now, there's another point.
28:14I come back to this again, to this basic thought
28:17— be thoughtful of others.
28:20Paramahansa Yogananda said, "Consideration for others
28:23is a most wonderful quality.
28:26It is the greatest attractiveness you can have.
28:30Practice it.
28:32A thoughtful person anticipates other people's needs.
28:39A considerate person when in the company of others,
28:43will have an intuitive awareness of their needs."
28:47And that is again, the basic thought is
28:52to go beyond being self-centered,
28:56to include others and think in terms of other people.
29:03There's a nice story about St.Therese of Lisieux,
29:08who, in a convent,
29:14she had received some flowers and she was decorating the altar,
29:18and they were artificial flowers because there was a crabby old nun in that convent
29:23who had an allergy,
29:25and she always made a big fuss when somebody brought in fresh flowers,
29:29because she said that those flowers are aggravating her allergy.
29:35And so as St.Therese was decorating that altar,
29:40that crabby old nun came by and
29:43she just was getting ready, full force,
29:47tongue-lashing to that young nun.
29:51And St. Therese immediately run to her
29:55and said, "Look, Sister, look at those flowers; they are artificial.
29:59Isn't it wonderful that people can make such beautiful flowers.
30:03They look just like real ones."
30:07And you know, it's just a little story.
30:10It's just a little indication, but it is:
30:13how many people would do that?
30:16They would let that old crabby nun spill it all out
30:20and then say, "Hah-ha, these flowers are artificial."
30:30But she didn't.
30:32She was considerate
30:37so that the other one wouldn't lose face.
30:40And so, you never know.
30:42I remember, I’ve never forgotten that.
30:44It was in the very beginning when I was a minister.
30:49I was serving at the Hollywood Temple at that time.
30:53That was about — feels about like six hundred years ago.
30:58But anyway, one day after Sunday service,
31:01a lady came to see me and she said, "I want to talk to you."
31:06I said, "All right."
31:10Now, I didn't know her then but she told me
31:13who she was and she showed me all kinds of
31:15pamphlets and magazine articles about her.
31:18She was a movie actress, you know.
31:22Beautiful woman, proud, arrogant as can be.
31:26I thought, "Why does she come to see me?"
31:30And then she talked about the big projects that she was going to work on
31:34and all that sort of thing — I, I, I.
31:36And I listened, "What is this?"
31:42And so, then I cracked open that shell
31:47I wanted to see what's behind it.
31:51And I had the surprise of my life.
31:55She said, "You know, I am only human.
32:00And everybody comes to me for help, for encouragement, for support,
32:07and nobody thinks about me."
32:11She said, "I'm a very lonely person.
32:14And I'm only human.
32:16I have nobody that I can talk to."
32:20And then she broke down and cried like a baby.
32:24And so it is; we are judging very often.
32:27We are judging people by the outer shell, isn't it?
32:34And we have to feel, that's why the Master says,
32:37"Intuitive awareness of others, of their needs."
32:42And very often you'll find that people who really have a
32:48shell of security and have it all made and all that sort of thing,
32:55and it's not that way at all.
32:58You just feel — just think, it doesn't even have to be talk, you know.
33:02It can be just a good thought — just a prayer, a simple prayer
33:08— just visualizing the person to be in the light of God.
33:14That helps.
33:16It helps them; it helps us.
33:22Now, I want to tell you what Paramahansa Yogananda
33:25— what instructions he gave to
33:29one of the nuns, Meera Mata, at that time.
33:32In the 40's he started a little cafe in Encinitas.
33:36It was right there at the highway
33:38— that main road there now that used to be the highway.
33:43And he did this in order to
33:46get people acquainted with the teaching there,
33:48because they had free literature on the table.
33:51And he also wanted to show people that
33:55they won't die if they don't have meat every day
33:58— twice or three times.
34:00So instead of having hamburgers,
34:03he introduced mushroom burgers.
34:06And in those days we didn't have many people who
34:09were willing to serve the work.
34:14And so this is the instruction that the Master gave to Meera Mata,
34:19who was in charge of those few people who were serving then.
34:22He said, "Work with their virtues
34:27and with the best they have within them.
34:31Expect nothing."
34:35Isn't amazing?
34:37Expect nothing from them.
34:42"But be grateful for all they do and all they give."
34:48And that's a Master speaking.
34:53Expect nothing,
34:56but work with their good points; work with their virtues,
35:01and be grateful for everything they do.
35:07And that is, you know, that is the perfection of a Master.
35:12And it is exactly like that.
35:15You know, remember the story
35:17in the Autobiography of a Yogi when the Master was a young boy and
35:21he had been just a few months
35:22in the hermitage of Sri Yukteswar and then he left.
35:25He wanted to go to the Himalayas and then a few days later he came back
35:29and he said to Sri Yukteswar,
35:31"I expected you to be angry because I left,
35:34and I left all my duties and so on."
35:38And Sri Yukteswarji said, "No, I'm not angry.
35:41I do not expect anything from others.
35:45Therefore their actions cannot be contrary to wishes of mine.
35:52I am only happy in your own true happiness."
35:56Same thing.
35:59Same thing.
36:02But that's hard.
36:05But that is going beyond the ego,
36:10including others, and thinking about others,
36:14expecting nothing, but giving.
36:21And you know, I have seen this, how people are
36:25bringing that attitude — their attitude — towards other people
36:29into their relationship with God.
36:32And I've seen it again and again and again.
36:35People are saying, "I want this.
36:37I want that.
36:39Give me this; give me that."
36:45But eventually we have to change. We have to turn it around, isn't it?
36:57There is a saint who said, "To begin the spiritual path
37:04with a resolution to walk in the way of the cross
37:12from the very first,
37:14and not to desire any sweetness at all,"
37:17meaning no consolations, no big experiences and all that sort of thing,
37:22"such a person has nothing to fear,
37:26because there is the visible beginning of a love for God,
37:31utterly divested of all self-interest."
37:39And that is again:
37:40the ego is gone, you give,
37:44you make the effort
37:48and you are wide open then
37:51for His grace and for His blessings to come.
37:54Wide open.
37:58So many times I have seen this.
37:59In meditation people are thinking in terms of, "What do I get?"
38:03Isn't it?
38:05And the whole concentration is on self.
38:11And then we get exactly what we are concentrating on
38:14— namely, ego consciousness.
38:16Nothing more.
38:20And so you see it from this now:
38:23The greatest discipline is meditation.
38:26And that means meditation; that means concentration on God,
38:32not asking for anything.
38:35And the other discipline is:
38:37how to get along with others — meaning, becoming unselfish,
38:41thinking of the other person, peace.
38:47And overcoming selfishness, and that,
38:49the moment we have achieved that,
38:54we are getting our diploma and we have passed school.
39:01Finished; we can go home.
39:07So this is a wonderful subject in order to think about it
39:12and to keep in mind and to practice.
39:16Because as I said, it is intimately linked
39:21to the path of God — intimately linked.
39:34Let us pray.
39:36Beloved God,
39:38may Thy love shine forever
39:42on the altar of our devotion,
39:46and may we be able
39:48to awaken Thy love in all hearts.
39:54Aum.
39:56Peace.
39:57Amen.
39:59God bless you all.

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