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The Alter Ego Method That Will Make You Unstoppable with Todd Herman — Transcript

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0:00My formula is always I want to help you
0:02build momentum first. Most people look
0:04for confidence. Confidence to get
0:05started. Confidence is really overrated
0:08amongst people. So I'm always concerned
0:10about momentum because momentum begets
0:12confidence. And then confidence when you
0:15put momentum and confidence together.
0:17It's this ultimate outcome that can be
0:20certainty. And when I have someone who
0:22is certain that they can make things
0:23happen, man, all bets are off with that
0:26person.
0:28[Music]
0:36Hello my loves. Welcome back to the
0:37Lavender Lifestyle podcast. It's
0:39Eileene. Today we have a very powerful
0:41and actionable episode on unlocking your
0:44full potential and transforming your
0:46life. So we're talking about the concept
0:48of creating a powerful alter ego that
0:51you can embody to effectively shift your
0:53identity, your mind, and your behavior
0:56for success. Our guest today is Todd
0:58Herman. Todd Herman has been a trusted
1:01adviser to elite performers in sports
1:03and business for over two decades,
1:05helping them achieve their most
1:06ambitious goals. As an author,
1:08entrepreneur, and performance adviser,
1:10Todd's work focuses on unlocking human
1:12potential through proven systems. His
1:15company, Herman Performance Systems,
1:16serves Olympic athletes, entrepreneurs,
1:19and leaders with award-winning programs
1:21like the 90-day Year, a performance
1:23system for rapid business success. Todd
1:26is the author of The Alter Ego Effect:
1:28The Power of Secret identities to
1:30transform your life, a Wall Street
1:32Journal bestseller, and My Superme, a
1:34children's book fostering confidence and
1:36courage. His expertise has been featured
1:38on the Today Show, PBS, and Inc.
1:41magazine. Hello, Todd. Welcome to the
1:43Lavender Lifestyle Podcast. I'm so
1:45excited to have you on today. Well,
1:48apparently based on our pre-production,
1:49this was uh 8 nine years in the making,
1:52I believe. So, it's great to be here.
1:54Yeah. For our listeners, I took Todd's
1:5690-day year course years ago. I don't
1:59remember, probably around 2016, but he's
2:02really influenced my goal setting
2:04system, even the artist of life
2:05workbook, like this product that I've
2:07created. But anyway, Todd, let's hear
2:10about you, your journey. Tell us about
2:13how you came to be this like peak
2:16performance coach for elite athletes,
2:18entrepreneurs, and business leaders.
2:20Even though coaching is very popular
2:22today as a as a career, I started in
2:251997 back when coaching was not an
2:28industry and I got into it very
2:31accidentally. Uh I'm not one of those
2:33entrepreneurial types who knew exactly
2:35what they were doing and they started
2:37the thing and uh I was volunteering at a
2:40high school coaching some football
2:42players after I got done playing
2:43university football and I had spent a
2:46good chunk of my teen years trying to
2:48master my own inner game because I was
2:51uh let's just say I didn't do a good job
2:53of managing my emotions as a as an
2:55athlete or as a teenager. And I got into
2:58it after a coach had told me that listen
3:00like if you want to go and achieve the
3:01goals that you say that you want to
3:03achieve and he was a great coach for me
3:05you better start to learn to master
3:06yourself and he gave me a book and the
3:08book was actually a terrible book on
3:10like leadership but there's one chapter
3:12and and kind of tidbit around like
3:14mindset and I had never really heard
3:15that word before and this is late 80s
3:18early 90s not to date myself. So, I kind
3:21of fell down this rabbit hole of mindset
3:23work and started to get very good at
3:27kind of coaching and mentoring other
3:28young kids. Parents started asking me if
3:30I could mentor their sons and daughters
3:32on in sport and that evolved into what
3:35became the Peak Athlete, which was this
3:37big sports performance coaching and
3:39training company that I ultimately sold
3:41to Real Madrid in 2014. along the way
3:44built up lots of different coaching and
3:45training businesses and I've basically
3:48just been rattling around between the
3:49six inches of people's ears for the last
3:51almost 30 years speaking on stages
3:54around the world wrote my book the ultra
3:55ego effect and uh it's my favorite thing
3:58I I mean I'm very blessed that I found
4:00what I did find very early on yeah so it
4:04started with coaching in sports and then
4:07of course that trickles on to like every
4:08other area of life I'm curious what were
4:11the first I guess lesson lessons that
4:14you were teaching or was it were you
4:16learning as you go? Oh, I still learn as
4:19I like I mean there's still like you're
4:22always trying
4:23to my ultimate goal is to try to be the
4:26best coach that ever walked the planet.
4:28I'm never going to get that award, but
4:31that anchors my thinking. And so I am
4:35always in learning mode. I'm always in
4:37refinement mode. I'm always in
4:39optimizing mode. And I love meeting with
4:42people who are much, you know, they got
4:45they're longer in the tooth or I love
4:47learning from younger people because I
4:49need to grow our business and our
4:51audience as well and there's people who
4:52know how to do these things. So I'm
4:53always learning but absolutely I was
4:55building as I grew. I think the one
4:57thing that I see today I was fortunate
4:59in that coaching was not an industry
5:01back then. So you were kind of inventing
5:02a lot of things as you would go. So, I
5:04had no expectations about how big you're
5:06supposed to be because this is pre-
5:07internet, pre- social media, everyone
5:09telling you that you need to kind of
5:11like give off an image of perfection in
5:13some way. I I would say it's probably
5:15very difficult for I well I know it's
5:17difficult for people in in that regard
5:20nowadays, but I did not make promises
5:24that I couldn't keep. I kept my promises
5:26small, meaning I only worked with
5:29athletes on their building mental and
5:32emotional thinking skills or uh
5:36emotional skills. I didn't do therapy
5:38with people. I didn't say that I can fix
5:40your entire life. It was just that one
5:42thing. And it was that focus that really
5:45helped to build a lot of traction very
5:47quickly. What are the first things that
5:49you do when you're working with someone
5:51new? Like do how do you lay down a
5:53foundation? First thing is um I want to
5:57know where you're at right now. So, you
6:00know, there's a famous phrase that Simon
6:01Synynic put out called starts with why.
6:03And as someone who actually coaches
6:06people on performance, it's not starts
6:09with why, it starts with where are you.
6:11You've got to get a map of the
6:12landscape. I want to know where have you
6:15been. And when I say that, I mean, so if
6:17it's you, Eileen, I'm like, okay, well,
6:19like where have you been? Like what are
6:21some of the skills you've already built?
6:22like what's been your career looking
6:23like so far because I want to know what
6:26I'm working
6:27with? And because oftentimes what we do
6:30as human beings, we dismiss away a lot
6:32of those things and we're like, "Yeah,
6:33but everyone's got that or you you
6:36discount the contacts you already have
6:38maybe in a certain market or a certain
6:40niche." I had two people that I knew
6:44could maybe book me to come in and do a
6:46little workshop on the mental game. I
6:49actually my little talk was called the
6:51triune athlete, the mentally,
6:53emotionally and physically tough athlete
6:55that if you aligned all three of these
6:56things together, who knows what the
6:58capabilities are that can come out of
6:59someone and that still holds true today.
7:01So something that I very much created
7:04out of thin air as an idea. It's I was
7:07right early on, frankly.
7:09So, I want to know where you're at,
7:11where you've been, and then from there,
7:13I want to build traction to well, what's
7:17what can you already use as skills to
7:18help you build? And I'm sure you're
7:20talking about like the the business side
7:22of things, like business or life, right?
7:24Yeah. Yeah. So, let's build off of what
7:27you've already got as traction because
7:30then we can build momentum. So, my
7:32formula is always I want to help you
7:34build momentum first. Most people look
7:36for confidence. Confidence to get
7:37started. Confidence is really overrated
7:41amongst people. So I'm always concerned
7:43about momentum because momentum begets
7:45confidence. Yes. And then confidence.
7:48When you put momentum and confidence
7:50together, it's this ultimate outcome
7:52that can be certainty. And when I have
7:55someone who is certain that they can
7:56make things happen, man, all bets are
7:59off with that person. Like they are. If
8:01it's the athlete who's got momentum and
8:03confidence on the court and they're
8:04playing against Roger Federer or insert
8:07the name of whoever the superstar is
8:08that's more highly ranked than them,
8:10there's an equalization that happens in
8:13performance. No longer does that person
8:15even have in their head that Roger
8:17Federer is stacked ranked against higher
8:20than them. Yeah. Because they have this
8:22certainty that they can
8:24compete. And you know the federers of
8:26the world or the superstars of the
8:28world, they don't like it when someone
8:29gets momentum and confidence. Yeah.
8:31Yeah. When you say momentum, does that
8:33come simply from taking action? Like how
8:36do you how do you build momentum moving
8:38forward? Small small actions that you
8:40can control. So you know when you take a
8:42look at if we were to break down even
8:44like your day, there's certain things
8:45that you can set up that the weather
8:48outside can't control. Um other people
8:51can't control. But if I stick to my
8:54process, it's going to topple a certain
8:57set of dominoes for me.
9:00And it's so easy for all of us to go to,
9:03well, I want this outcome. Like, I I
9:05want, you know, 400 new followers today
9:08on Instagram or insert name of whatever
9:11or I want 200 new subscribers or I want
9:14the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend,
9:17whatever. Yeah. But if you do this, this
9:20and this, all I'm trying to do is
9:22increase probability.
9:24Yeah. So I'm trying to increase the
9:26probability if I do this and do this. So
9:28if I wake up and I follow my morning
9:32routine or I sit down and I write for 30
9:36minutes that I say that I'm going to do
9:39and you don't even need to publish it. I
9:41don't care where it goes. But if you
9:42just do those things, that's what I'm
9:44talking about when it comes to momentum.
9:46Yeah. I love it. the actions where it's
9:48like it makes it more probable for you
9:50to keep going and to keep moving forward
9:52essentially. Yeah. And that's a key
9:54word. I mean, I know it's not a, you
9:56know, popular word and it's not a word
9:57that's going to be probably on a title
9:59of most of the bestselling self-help
10:01books of all time, but if I can increase
10:03someone's probability that X is going to
10:06happen for them, Yeah. that is a huge,
10:10huge advantage. Wow. Amazing. Before we
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11:18Earth. Let's talk about your book, Alter
11:21Ego Effect, cuz I I figure a lot of your
11:24lessons and and takeaways can be tied to
11:27that. So can you explain what is the
11:28concept of the alter ego and how can it
11:31help people achieve their goals? So the
11:33alter ego is it was coined in 44 BC by a
11:37very famous Roman statesman and
11:39philosopher Cicero. And he said in a
11:42letter to a friend who was asking him
11:44for actually basically life advice cuz
11:45he here he was he was this big statesman
11:48in uh Rome and he had all this wealth
11:51and he asked him hey like got any
11:53secrets of success like people were
11:54still asking stuff back then. and it's
11:55no no different than someone commenting
11:57on an Instagram post today. And so he
11:58put his thoughts down into a journal or
12:00a letter and sent it to him and he
12:02talked about how he reinvented himself
12:05many many times in the different
12:07aspirations that he was trying to move
12:08towards whether it was politics or
12:10business etc. And he talked about an
12:12alter ego and so he was the one who
12:14coined the term and its root meaning is
12:18the other eye or trusted friend within.
12:21So, I'm sure Eileen, you've talked about
12:22it on the podcast many times or in your
12:24YouTube videos and everywhere else about
12:26the importance of having great mentors
12:27and people and friends and peers around
12:29you that support you, encourage you,
12:31challenge you, right? And so, all of
12:34that makes sense. It's like, yeah, of
12:35course, we should have good people
12:36around us. And then I ask people, okay,
12:40but what about between the six inches of
12:41your ears where you live 24/7?
12:44Do you have a group of people or even
12:47one person who encourages you or who is
12:50set up as a model or a source of
12:51inspiration for something that you would
12:53like to adopt or bring into your world?
12:55And they go, "Oh, that makes a lot of
12:57sense." Well, that's the alter ego. The
12:58alter ego, the other eye or trusted
13:00friend within is just simply an image or
13:03an idea that you
13:06know that you can move towards because
13:08you're trying to maybe adopt their
13:10mannerisms, their characteristics,
13:12something about them, a trait and
13:13attribute to help bring you bring some
13:16other part of you out and into the
13:17world. I'll give you an I give you an
13:19example. So, there's a at the time of
13:22this recording in a a few weeks, CNN and
13:25HBO are coming out with a documentary
13:27series about Kobe Bryant's life. Okay.
13:31Kobe's famous for the Blackmamba. Well,
13:33I'm the one who built the Black Mamba
13:35with Kobe. Kobe was a client and I'm the
13:37one who built the Black Mamba. So, that
13:38there's I think it's episode two is
13:40going to be about the journey of me
13:41building that black mamba with Kobe and
13:43what that looked like. So that black
13:46mamba was birthed out of a very
13:49difficult time that he was going
13:50through. And um I tell people that
13:54sometimes we need to go through an ego
13:56death. That there is something that
13:58you're trying to pursue, but the ego or
14:01the self that you have right now just
14:03isn't built to go and pursue that
14:04anymore. So the alter ego is a great way
14:08of using your creative imagination to
14:10basically reinvent yourself so that you
14:13can go and pursue that thing more
14:15easily. And um and so that's why we
14:18built the Black Mamba. Kobe Ryan was
14:20going through a very very difficult time
14:21in 2003 going through a a trial and um
14:25really a judgment in the public eye and
14:28he was going through an experience of
14:30he'd always had this kind of innocent
14:32archetype that he played through because
14:34he was the young 18-year-old kid who
14:36came into the NBA but you know that
14:38perception of him wasn't going to be
14:39there anymore. So I told him because he
14:42felt like he was losing his edge. I
14:43said, "Well, really you're not losing
14:45your edge. you're going through an ego
14:46death and we need to kill the old
14:48version and rebuild a new version of you
14:50and that's where the black mamba came
14:52in, you know, or another example, you
14:55know, kind of modern day one is this
14:58young girl Ashley. She had this idea of
15:01wanting to be um a singer, entertainer,
15:05pop star, rockstar on stage. Just based
15:08on her background, she just couldn't see
15:09herself do it. So, she invented someone
15:12who did and it was Hollyy. Mhm. And you
15:15take a look at Holly, it's just the
15:16shuffling around of letters in her name.
15:18Yeah. And she has a great quote where
15:20she says, "I just couldn't see Ashley do
15:24this, but Hoy could do it. Holly could
15:27go out there." And so here you have
15:29someone who has this kernel of an idea
15:30or this inspiration of something that
15:32they
15:33want, but just the idea, the self-image
15:36they have of themselves kept on getting
15:38in the way. And so I'm just here to
15:41remind people of this is what we have as
15:43a cap capability as human beings. We can
15:44reinvent. Yeah. We don't need to be the
15:47story and narrative of the past. We can
15:49reinvent the alter ego. And the method
15:52that I provide in the book is just a
15:54very very structured method of how to go
15:56about doing that so that you recreate
15:59yourself in an image that you most want
16:01that's driven by your desires not driven
16:03by the fear of others or creating a
16:06separate self that you're going to feel
16:08like an impostor inside of or something
16:10like that. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So
16:13powerful. And and this is something I
16:15mean Beyonce does this. A lot of people
16:17are known to do this. When you have this
16:20alter ego, is it also I know one part of
16:23it is your goal is to step into that
16:25person and embody the ego, but also is
16:27it something that you encourage them to
16:29like have a conversation in your mind as
16:31you and your alter ego? Like how how
16:33does one work with the alter ego?
16:36There's so many different ways to work
16:37with it. Uhhuh. You know, throughout the
16:39book I talk about all the different
16:41tools that we can use at our disposal.
16:43So using objects, totems, artifacts,
16:46uniforms like to create a deliberate
16:49ritual that we can step into this thing.
16:52So um there's that and then we talk
16:55about or I talk about in the book just
16:57the power of one of the great powers of
16:59it that I discovered over building
17:01thousands of alter egos and talking
17:03people through this is the power of now
17:05having almost like a controlled
17:07conversation now that we have in our
17:08minds. In the book, I talk about just
17:10this merrygoround of selft talk that
17:13people have where they just go round and
17:14round in a circle beating themselves up
17:16and it just just repeats itself. But all
17:18of a sudden, when we enter in another
17:21entity in our mind that we're in control
17:23of, the alter ego can kind of encourage
17:26you through the process. And we were
17:29talking just before we hit the record
17:30button about National Hockey League
17:32client that I was just on the phone
17:33with. And we're working through this
17:36concept and he finally got it where he
17:39can beat himself up a little bit too
17:41much, but his alter ego is there to
17:44cheer and encourage him on like you got
17:47this. So there's certain language that
17:48we use speaking at ourselves in the
17:50third person or in this case if it was
17:53your alter ego, it's like Eileen, what
17:54are you talking about? And now all of a
17:56sudden that's the voice of your alter
17:58ego, that highest best version, whatever
18:00someone wants to say about it saying to
18:02you is like, "What are you talking
18:04about?" Like you're this, you're that.
18:07Like you're they're pulling you into the
18:10characteristics and the attributes that
18:11you most want. Yeah. And it's hard to
18:14argue back to that because you're the
18:16one who created it. Or it's the alter
18:18ego speaking back at the shadow,
18:20speaking back at the what I call like
18:22the enemy or the villain within that's
18:25trying to pull you into, you know,
18:27procrastination, avoidance, you know,
18:29resistance, whatever those things are
18:31for you. It's like, you know, get
18:33yourself to the corner. I got this. Our
18:36light, whatever you'd want to say, our
18:38light is a hell of a lot brighter than
18:39your shadow, the darkness. So get the
18:42out of the way. In a way, you've
18:44heard this concept in different ways in
18:46spirituality is there's like the highest
18:47self, the higher self. There's also, you
18:50know, I talk about embodying your ideal
18:52self and and this and that, but I think
18:55people still struggle with that internal
18:57battle of like they will lose momentum.
19:00They'll fall into a hole. And so, what
19:02advice do you have for people who feel
19:04like they know who they want to be? They
19:06have that alter ego self, but they still
19:08really struggle with with embodying it
19:10and becoming it. Yeah. because they're
19:12trying to attach on attributes and
19:14traits to what they still feel is a
19:17flawed version of themselves. Like
19:18whether this is true or not, I don't
19:20care. Like there's a lot, like you said,
19:22there's a lot of amazing spiritual
19:23traditions that are out there or
19:25self-help or leadership traditions that
19:27are out there. But the best testimonials
19:31I've gotten from other people that are,
19:33I'd say, very experienced in this space
19:36is you actually gave people a complete
19:39model and framework for them to operate
19:42through. And it's because most people
19:44don't have a very good sense of their
19:46own self model, the way that they view
19:48themselves. So I'm like, well then stop
19:49viewing yourself. Stop trying to take
19:52action through this version of you and
19:56let's build a different version because
19:58the grass is greener on the other side
20:00always. Right? So someone goes, "Well,
20:02of course Eileen can build two and a
20:04half million subscribers on YouTube. She
20:06got started here." And they they they
20:08make all these excuses as to why that's
20:10possible, right? But I can't do that.
20:12Like I don't have her thing. I don't you
20:15know what? She lives in Los Angeles. She
20:16probably had a lot of connections when
20:18she was there, you know? and she's got
20:20such a pretty setup in her background. I
20:21don't have a pretty, you know, office
20:23that I can step into and put my iPhone
20:24on. Lighting. I don't have the right
20:26lighting. Like, there's all these
20:27things. So, whatever your source of
20:30inspiration is for your alter ego, it's
20:32it's just simply mapping towards what we
20:35do naturally in our own heads when it
20:37comes
20:38to putting other people up on pedestals.
20:41Now, what we're going to do is I'm going
20:42to borrow that idea of that person and
20:44I'm going to live through that. And then
20:47all of the other steps I have that I lay
20:49out in the book are just simply there to
20:52just dial up the probability that you're
20:54going to be able to do that
20:55consistently. So let's bring this back
20:58to an example and I'll just use me going
21:01back to 1997. I was actually very very
21:04good at building rapport with young
21:05people. I wasn't that far far removed
21:08from I was like 21 22 when I started and
21:10I was and I had just gotten done playing
21:12at a competitive and high
21:14level but I looked like I was 12 years
21:16old and the only way that I knew how to
21:19grow my little fledgling business was
21:23through speaking. Um I grew up in 4
21:26which is like agricultural boy scouts
21:28and a part of being in that club was you
21:31had to do a speech every year and
21:34compete. So, I knew how to speak.
21:35Getting on stage didn't bother me. Um,
21:38but I was very insecure about like when
21:41like how young I looked. And so, I had
21:43these intentions at the end of my night
21:45that I was going to make phone calls to
21:47try and book a workshop or something.
21:49The next day would end and I didn't have
21:51it done. I didn't do it and I'd beat
21:52myself up. Mhm. And then just one day
21:55while actually watching an Oprah Winfrey
21:57um episode, she had on a lady who used
22:00Oprah as her alter ego to help her get
22:02through a very hard time. And I was
22:03like, "Wait a second. I did the exact
22:05same thing when I played football." So
22:08why don't I just build a new alter ego
22:10for business? And so I did. And he was
22:13the composite of Superman because I was
22:17lacking action. So I needed to be more
22:21decisive. I wanted confidence because I
22:24didn't feel like I was confident at the
22:25time. And I'm a huge fan of Benjamin
22:28Franklin. I mean, he's someone who
22:29reinvented his career so many times and
22:32was world class at it. So, I mean,
22:34that's a level of confidence. So, I
22:35wanted that. And then Joseph Campbell,
22:38who's the author of, you know, the
22:39hero's journey, the power of myth. Um,
22:42he created the hero's journey model. I
22:44saw an interview with him in the late
22:4680s and I he was just so articulate and
22:48I felt like I wasn't very good at, you
22:50know, articulating what I did. So, now I
22:52had the attributes. I wanted to be more
22:54decisive, confident, and articulate. And
22:56my sources of inspiration were Superman,
22:59Benjamin Franklin, and Joseph Campbell.
23:02And so those three became my model of
23:05what I wanted to move towards, be more
23:07like. And then I went to Lens Crafters,
23:10which was like a, you know, eyeglass
23:12store in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada,
23:13where I lived at the time. And I went
23:14and bought a pair of non-prescription
23:15fake glasses. And I put on a pair of
23:17fake glasses, just like a Superman puts
23:19on his cape. Yeah. I was putting on the
23:21glasses. He became Clark Kent. I was
23:24becoming something bigger and better.
23:26Did you give a new name for yourself
23:27though? Super Richard. Okay. He was
23:30specifically hired and that's just sort
23:33of the language that I gave was he was
23:35hired to be the advocate for Todd's
23:37stuff. Okay. Todd was getting in the
23:39way. Wow. Didn't change the fact that I
23:42had this dream. I had this aspiration of
23:44wanting to do kind of big things in the
23:46world. Didn't know what that was
23:47necessarily going to be, but I sure as
23:49hell wasn't taking the actions in order
23:51to do that. And Super Richard became the
23:54advocate for my stuff because I I did
23:57believe in my capacity to coach people,
23:59but I didn't think I was good at selling
24:01and I wasn't good at promoting. But
24:02Super Richard was built to do that. And
24:05when I put on those glasses and I
24:07practiced it, I got in front of the
24:08mirror and I practiced. I practiced
24:10being more decisive. I practiced being
24:11more confident. I practiced saying the
24:13things I needed to say. Todd would have
24:15a hard time saying those things on a
24:17phone call trying to book something.
24:18Super Richard, he could do it. Now, to
24:21tie this up in a boat, six months later,
24:24I just put my phone down back when you
24:26actually hung up phones. I put hung up
24:28my phone and I looked down and I just
24:30booked two um speaking gigs for myself
24:33and I looked down and my glasses were
24:34sitting on the table and I just sat back
24:36and I'm like, "Oh my
24:38god, I I became super rich." Like, you
24:42did that as Todd, but you became Yes.
24:44And that's what happens is these
24:47attributes and traits that you most
24:48want, they just become a part of you
24:50now. They become natural. You become
24:53unconsciously competent with them. And
24:56then all of a sudden, because you can't
24:58help but the switch get flicked. You're
24:59like, "Holy shit." Like, "What else can
25:02I change?" Yep. What else can I go
25:04after? And what else have I been arguing
25:06about that? Oh, that's just the way that
25:08I am. Yeah. Because I had this thing in
25:10my head like, "Oh, no. promoting and you
25:13know getting out there and being dynamic
25:14as a whatever that's for other people.
25:18No, it's not. And so I just kind of
25:20encourage people that whatever it is
25:21that you're kind of seeing or perceiving
25:23in other people that you would really
25:26love
25:27to have or what you just appreciate
25:30about them, that's a signal that you
25:33should probably pursue that attribute
25:34and trait because it's only going to
25:35help you to become more of what you
25:37already are. Yeah, I love that concept
25:39so much. It's so inspiring because it
25:42really instead of seeing those things as
25:44weaknesses that will stay that way
25:46forever, you can literally shift
25:48anything about yourself with that
25:50mindset. You can choose an alter ego,
25:52choose a new identity that's good at
25:55that. And if you just think about how we
25:57all evolve anyway, it's literally just
25:59the pattern of life. I mean, if anyone
26:02does a good job of reflecting back on 5
26:0410 years ago, I'm hoping that the
26:06current version of you isn't the same.
26:08But by the way, if it is, there's still
26:10an opportunity based on the fact that
26:13millions upon billions upon billions of
26:15other people have shifted and changed
26:18over time. Absolutely. It's just
26:20honoring the human experience. It's it's
26:22not being fake. It's not being an
26:23impostor. It's just honoring the way
26:25that life really does work. Okay. So,
26:28the first thing that also comes to my
26:29mind is I think people understand how to
26:32do this, right? Give your alter ego a
26:34name, step into that person. But the
26:36reality of their life, say the people
26:38around them obviously don't know their
26:40alter ego. They might hold you back to
26:42your old self or they might doubt you or
26:45how do you deal with that resistance of
26:47things that might not flow with that new
26:50self of yours? What if you did it anyway
26:54and you did it despite the fact that the
26:56other people are doubting you? Because I
26:59sure as heck didn't have nothing but
27:00people around me that were encouraging
27:03me the entire way. Now it's very easy
27:05because you know like you end up
27:08building a platform and people know who
27:10you work with or you've built businesses
27:11and sold them and all that kind of
27:13stuff. So it's kind of easy for people
27:14to kind of be around you that want to or
27:16that are going to encourage and whether
27:18it's it's selfish reasons that they're
27:19doing it doesn't matter just I mean it's
27:21pretty easy for me to have people around
27:22me now that are
27:24encouraers. But I mean I had nothing but
27:27people who doubted me. In fact, when I
27:29started my business back in 1997, I had
27:31the head of psychology from a major
27:34university call me out of the blue and
27:37call me a fraud because I was out there
27:41calling myself a sports psychologist and
27:44I don't have a degree. And I said, I
27:46don't call myself a sports psychologist.
27:47I don't give myself the name. I do
27:49mental game and peak performance work
27:52with athletes. And just based on the
27:55fact that my history was working inside
27:57of sport and being inside of locker
27:59rooms, I was very very quickwitted and
28:01good at comebacks. And so I just
28:03happened to say back to the person then
28:05when they were challenging me, I'm like,
28:06you're just jealous because I'm the one
28:09who's traveling around getting booked to
28:10go on stages and speak and you wish you
28:13were the one who was out there doing
28:15that. And so I kind of made it a bit of
28:17my mission to throw punches back at the
28:20world of psychology. That's actually one
28:22of the one that's one of the actual
28:24gifts that that moment gave me was I was
28:26like, "Oh, I'm not scared of I'm not
28:28scared of you." And you guys are just
28:30trying to protect something that isn't
28:32even yours anyway. That's really wise.
28:34Yeah, cuz it is tough. I mean, even me,
28:37like, as someone who loves to read a lot
28:39of books, but I didn't get a degree in
28:41psychology. I don't have a PhD or
28:42anything. Sometimes you're talking about
28:44topics and you feel like, "Oh, am I do I
28:46have the credibility to say this?" But
28:48in the end, you just like you just do
28:50it. But I think you that taught me that
28:53I could be a lot more confident, right?
28:55Yeah. Also too, it's like I don't
28:58promise perfection in life. I don't make
29:00these promises that some people will
29:02have a tendency to do, you know, like
29:03even the alter ego like, hey, I want
29:05everyone that's listening. Buy the book,
29:08please. I want to try to get as many of
29:09my copies in people's hands as possible.
29:11But do I think everyone needs an alter
29:13ego? No, I don't. I don't think everyone
29:16needs an alter ego. I do think that the
29:20people who win in life are the ones who
29:22have the most valuable tools on their
29:25tool belt to help them navigate life.
29:28You know, I know that you're a really
29:30big fan of like mindfulness and
29:32gratitude. It's a really great tool to
29:34have. Okay. Knowing how to shift your
29:38identity as you're achieving and trying
29:41to pursue your goals. Boy, is that ever
29:43a powerful tool that you have. the alter
29:46ego method that I give people just
29:49simply is the tool to help go and make
29:51that happen as opposed to just saying
29:54what's my best self that can work for
29:56some people but I'm trying to give you a
29:58model and a framework that does work and
30:02map towards how the brain works. Yeah.
30:04Yeah. So you originally asked the
30:06question around doubt. How do you deal
30:08with that? I would say no matter what
30:09you got to do it anyway. Y because
30:11there's always going to be people
30:12doubting you. Doesn't matter how high
30:14you climb. Look at any of the stories of
30:16a celebrity who's getting it taken down
30:18right now. There's people who are
30:19doubting them. Yeah. And yet you do it
30:21anyway. It's not a popular thing to say,
30:24but it is reality. We do it anyway.
30:28Think about like the little seed that's
30:29in the ground. And if it sat there and
30:32just simply lamented the fact that it
30:33had to push up through all that dirt in
30:35order to get to the sunlight, I mean, we
30:38wouldn't have anything growing.
30:40But it's it's that bursting through
30:43part. That's where all the value sits in
30:46the intestinal fortitude that you get,
30:48the resiliency that you earn, the grit
30:50that you earn, the new story that you
30:51tell yourself, the narrative that you
30:53tell yourself about, you know, what you
30:55can overcome and who you can overcome
30:57sometimes as well in order to get to the
31:01first phase of growth. Yeah. So for
31:04listeners who want to work on building
31:07this alter ego, I guess what are the
31:08first things that they can do today at
31:10home to like practices, actual things
31:13that they can start doing to build this
31:15into their mind. Step one, we don't
31:17build an alter ego for our entire life
31:19or our entire self because there is no
31:21one self, right? We have many roles that
31:24we play in life. There's context that we
31:26have. So I would just say start with a
31:28role or an area of your life where
31:30you're you have the most resistance in.
31:33So, it could be you're not pursuing
31:36things the way that you want to or
31:38you're most challenged by right now.
31:40That could be being an entrepreneur.
31:42That could be being, you know, a
31:44promoter of your business or your stuff
31:46or a creator. Like, whatever the thing
31:48is. It could be mom, could be dad,
31:49whatever. So, that's one. Let's pick one
31:52role. And then what is it about the way
31:55that you're currently showing up that
31:57you just don't like? So, I'm
31:59procrastinating. I'm avoiding things.
32:01I'm not consistent. I'm I don't
32:04discipline or I'm not having fun with
32:06it. I'm not being creative enough with
32:08it. What are those things? That's all
32:10you have to do. We're not going deep.
32:12We're not going to try to build a list
32:13of things just to beat you up. We're
32:15just kind of most people know top of
32:17mind what those things are. Great. Now,
32:19let's flip that. Well, then what are the
32:22attributes and traits you'd like to
32:23have? Just like I was talking about
32:25before about how I was not taking
32:27action, right? So, I needed to be
32:29decisive then. um take more action. I
32:33was insecure. So I needed security or
32:36confidence then. And then I was sort of
32:40verbal vomit salad of just words that
32:43came out. I didn't articulate what I did
32:45well. So I wanted to be like Joseph
32:47Campbell. I wanted to be more
32:49articulate. So now those are the traits.
32:52Well then the next part of that is who
32:54embodies them already? Is there anyone
32:56that you know that already has those
32:57things? Could be one person. Doesn't
32:59have to be a person. Could be an animal.
33:01Kobe Bryant the black mamba. Could be
33:03just an idea. Beyonce had Sasha Fierce.
33:06That was something that she just
33:07invented. Name mixed with adjective,
33:11verb, whatever. In the book, I have like
33:14all these different templates for how
33:16you can name things. And that's the
33:17really fun part. So already what am I
33:20doing? I'm leveraging the one thing that
33:22you and I have that nothing else on the
33:24planet can compete with our creative
33:26imagination.
33:27It is resistance cannot beat the
33:30creative imagination. We can talk about
33:32discipline. We can talk about stick
33:34tuitiveness. Our superpowers is our
33:36creative imagination. Our ability to
33:38reinvent new ideas and um come up with
33:41really creative solutions to things. So
33:43I'm already honoring that by giving
33:45things names and being kind of more
33:47playful with this whole process. So what
33:49are the traits? Who or what might have
33:51it already? Could be a lion. could be a
33:54donkey, which happens to be my favorite
33:56animal. And then we move to, all right,
33:59now what is a ritual that I can do to
34:03help bring this these traits out of me?
34:07That's why I talk the importance of
34:08having a totem, an artifact, or a
34:10uniform, something that you can wear or
34:13have with you, or it could be a place.
34:16I've got people who have built alter
34:17egos that live in the chair because
34:20they're
34:21writers or they're creators in some way
34:24and that alter ego lives in the chair
34:26and they stop before they sit down in
34:28their chair and they see that idealized
34:32model of how they'd want to be and they
34:34start to like now there's a bridging
34:36between the chair and where they're
34:38standing and there's this little bridge
34:40of energy that starts to pull them into
34:43it and when they sit down it's
34:45commitment.
34:46You are that thing. Then when you're in
34:48that moment. And by the way, do you need
34:50to be it for 18 hours of the day? No.
34:53Just momentum. If you can do it for 18
34:55seconds, you know what you can do? 30.
34:5830 can become a minute. A minute can
35:00become two phone calls with people to
35:03book speaking gigs. You just don't know.
35:06Yeah. Yeah. Some people can become it
35:08immediately. I've seen people shift in
35:10the now because all of a sudden the idea
35:13just resonated and it just unlocked and
35:17they just sort of let go of this former
35:20sense of what they thought they needed
35:22to be and they became the new thing.
35:24Yeah. Again, it honors the idea that we
35:28can practice ourselves into anything.
35:31So again, that's that ritual. We can
35:33practice that. So, what does feeling
35:36like you're a really good model in this
35:38case, Eileen, because you you sort of
35:41embody or you try and deliver that as
35:43much as possible, this kind of calm
35:45centeredness, the tone of your voice,
35:47right? So, if someone's out there and
35:48they feel like they're just too loud or
35:50they're just too they're just angry with
35:52life, you can practice a voice of calm.
35:56Mhm. And then you narrate your life.
35:58Like when I wake up, I grab my glass of
36:01water and I take a sip and then I go
36:04into the bathroom and I brush my teeth.
36:07You can nar like voice is a very very
36:10powerful trigger. You're saying voicing
36:13that character, that alter ego out loud.
36:15Yeah. Well, narrating that model of how
36:17you're going to show up. Cuz again, it
36:19goes back to what I care about more is
36:22what are the attributes that you're
36:24trying to be leading through with this
36:26alter ego. Yeah. Because that's what's
36:29actually at our core. This is the way
36:30that I frame it is there's no self
36:32that's there with me. What's at my core
36:34is if the universe is made up of energy,
36:36then really we're made of energy.
36:40How human beings translate this energy
36:43into reality is through actions,
36:47attributes, traits, behaviors. So what
36:50if at the core of us was just this big
36:54pool and soup of traits and
36:57attributes and the point of the alter
36:59ego or the model of us is to kind of dig
37:02in, pull up these traits and go, hey, as
37:04a dad for me, my source of inspiration
37:08for how I want to show up is Mr. Rogers
37:10and my own
37:12dad. Because here I am. I've had I had
37:15before my first daughter came along, I
37:18had almost 20 years of working with some
37:22very big personalities with very strong
37:25egos, right? Like big sports
37:28stars, CEOs, leaders around the world.
37:31So a part of the um avatar or the self
37:36that came into that role of coach and
37:38mentor was being a challenger. Very much
37:41a challenger coach. That's the way that
37:43I kind of
37:44operate. So you think about that 17
37:47years you're doing that. You're flexing
37:49that muscle every day for 8 12 15 16
37:52hours because I worked long hours but I
37:55loved what I did so
37:56whatever. You can I could start to
37:58believe that that's who I am. Oh, I'm a
37:59challenger. Right. And then now now that
38:02you have the dad role, it's you have to
38:04shift that. I did. Yeah. You know, cuz
38:06if anyone has kids, you know that being
38:09a challenger, you know, a lot of times
38:10you're just butting heads with your kids
38:11because they can be pretty stubborn. So,
38:15okay. Well, now Mr. Rogers, no one would
38:18ever describe him as a challenger
38:20personality type. No one described my
38:22dad that way either. He was a rancher,
38:24kind of, you know, rough hands, you
38:27know, soft heart. And uh and so I would
38:31I started to rewatch Mr. Rogers episodes
38:35before Molly came along, my oldest
38:36daughter. And I'm watching and I'm just
38:38seeing his attributes. He comes in down
38:40the stairs, hangs up his jacket, puts on
38:42his red cardigan, goes and sits down on
38:44the couch, takes off his outside shoes,
38:46deliberately puts on his, you know, blue
38:48sneakers. And anytime he was talking to
38:51one of the kids on the show, he would
38:52always get down on his knee because he
38:54wanted to get eye level with them. And
38:56he would always soften his shoulders. If
38:58you ever watch um he would never, you
39:01know, when you think about confidence,
39:02it's always like chest out, shoulders
39:04back, head up. He didn't do that with
39:06kids because what's that doing? That's
39:08dominating. Yeah. So, he would soften
39:10his shoulders. So, like, and people
39:12can't see, but I'm like, you know, I
39:13bring my hands forward and I'd get down
39:15on my one knee and lean forward and
39:17like, "Hey, like I get it. You're angry
39:19right now. You lower your voice." Like,
39:21that's I practice that. And so, does
39:25that mean I'm perfect with my kids? Oh,
39:27of course not. Does that mean that I
39:28raise my voice sometimes? Of course it
39:31does. But if that makes me 25% better,
39:35that's a big difference to little kids.
39:37Yeah. No, this is so powerful. And I
39:39going back, there was one thing you said
39:40that I it really resonated with me is
39:42just as a human being, if you are energy
39:44and you just think of we are just a pool
39:47of potential, a potential energy,
39:49potential emotions, behaviors,
39:50attributes, it's just like just pull out
39:53what you want to pull out. You don't
39:55have to identify with one thing. I am
39:57not just this one thing. I can be so
39:59much more if you just open it up that
40:01way. Yeah. If you just perceive yourself
40:03as like, hey, like at the like if there
40:05was just this blue ball of like
40:07globulous energy that's sitting
40:08somewhere in our gut area. Yeah. And
40:11really what it's made up is like these
40:12words of like
40:14creative, confident, bold, articulate,
40:18brave, courageous. Like they're just but
40:22we just don't reach in with like the
40:23current sense of who I am and and grab
40:25them. We just sort of all collapse into
40:27an identity every morning and we act the
40:29same way. And all I'm encouraging people
40:31to do is like what if we laid down a new
40:34track and we just practice that new
40:37track. Eventually, you won't need to
40:39practice it anymore because it'll just
40:40be the way you are. Yeah. And the fact
40:42that you can apply this to different
40:43roles in your life, right? As a business
40:46owner, I'm this way. As a as a mom, I'm
40:49this way. You get to choose. Yeah. you
40:51know, in preparation for this and, you
40:53know, watching, you know, a lot of your
40:55stuff, there was I was, you know, I I
40:58kind of caught myself. I was just
40:59sitting here and I was sort of like
41:00leaning on my desk here like I am right
41:02now and I was just, you know, very
41:04relaxed, right? So, that's a calm
41:06energy. You think about that like you
41:08shot that from where you're at and that
41:11energy found its way through all the
41:13different pipes and satellites down and
41:16it changed the way that I was. I felt
41:19calmer. Wow, that's incredible. Yeah,
41:22that people can do that. And you're no
41:25different. I'm no And whoever is
41:27listening is no different than what you
41:28and you and I can be doing right now if
41:30it's resonating with someone. Oh,
41:32totally. And and I have to let everyone
41:33know I am not calm all the time, right?
41:36I I'm generally Don't burst that bubble.
41:37Don't burst the bubble. I'm generally a
41:40pretty chill person. And yes, I lean
41:42towards that. But Lavender is a brand
41:45again you can call it an alter ego but
41:47it is a brand that I created where I
41:49intentionally wanted to show up as this
41:51gentle compassionate like let's get into
41:54talk about the heart. I don't know I I
41:56had a vision. I I'm more of a visual
41:58person and I I I get the I know how to
42:01create a vibe, right? I with the colors
42:03and the sounds to me I call it branding
42:05but it in the same way you can brand
42:07yourself. It it's similar. It's very
42:10similar. The concepts, the principles
42:12are very much aligned. I'm just trying
42:15to give it to people as a useful tool to
42:18help transform how they see themselves.
42:20Oh, absolutely. And I love that you're
42:22you're very practical. It's step by
42:25step. you just give so many tools. There
42:27is one other thing I want to talk to you
42:29about is your 90-day year program
42:32because it's been so helpful for me to
42:34just be able to frame life in that way
42:36instead of planning like your new year
42:38goals or I don't know can you give an
42:41overview of what the system is and how
42:43it can help people. It came out of this
42:45I was working with a baseball player.
42:47This goes very early on and by the way
42:49it's going to come back to like the the
42:51entrepreneurial person that's here but
42:52this is just where it was birthed. So,
42:54baseball's a very long season. And when
42:56we were kind of looking at this person's
42:59uh career over a year, they always
43:01slumped in the middle. And because
43:04baseball is is longer, I just he always
43:07started well and then finished strong.
43:10So, I was like, well, let's just divide
43:11this up. Why don't we just have two
43:12seasons in a year? And all of a sudden,
43:15performance changed. So, anytime these
43:18ideas would catch on, I'm like, okay,
43:20well, now I got to figure out why is
43:21this working so well? Yeah. Um, and so I
43:23start to look into it. Well, turns out
43:25that there's been a lot of studies
43:27around the idea of goals, projects,
43:31tasks that people are working on. And 90
43:33days is about the horizon line to the
43:37motivational factor in human beings. The
43:40moment that you start to have a goal or
43:42a project that goes beyond 90 days, it
43:45creates procrastination and avoidant
43:47behavior and then people all of a sudden
43:49cram at the end. So, it started out with
43:51being 90-day sprint and then it evolved
43:55into the name 90-day year. And my
43:58clients who then went from being just
44:01athletes to then I'm working with
44:03entrepreneurs and leaders, the people
44:04who implemented the 90-day year would be
44:07achieving far more and staying a lot
44:10more focused on less things. So, it's
44:14the combination of they're achieving
44:15more because they're closing a feedback
44:17loop more quickly and they're also
44:20focused on less because what I would do
44:22with an athlete is I'm like, what's the
44:24one skill that if we worked on it over
44:26the course of the next 90 days would
44:29make all of the other skills improve or
44:33biggest impact. And so that's what
44:36happened. And then so the same thing
44:38with an um owner, entrepreneur, creator,
44:41I don't care what the name is. If you
44:43had one goal that you could achieve, you
44:44have one thing that you're going to
44:45focus on for the next 90 days and every
44:47action, every project that you did
44:49aligned with that one goal, you have no
44:52idea how much impact that's going to
44:54make. And so inside of the actual
44:56system, I talk about, you know, how to
44:59maybe not maybe not everything that you
45:01do can align to that one goal, but we
45:03were trying to at least do 8020. 80% of
45:06your stuff should align with that one
45:07goal. And it could be like growing
45:10audience for your podcast or getting
45:13sales in your business. Like that's my
45:15only goal, getting sales. Just to the
45:17person who's listening, like if let's
45:18say that that was your goal and you only
45:20focused on activities that helped you
45:22get
45:23sales. Of all the stuff that you've been
45:25trying to do the last week, two weeks, a
45:27month, what would be cut out off of your
45:31calendar? What would you not be doing
45:32because you just focused on this? So,
45:33you'd be like, "Okay, well, I wouldn't
45:35be trying to redesign my website because
45:36I really don't need it. I could use a
45:38Google document to send people to, you
45:40know, like there's all these assumptions
45:41that we make about things that we should
45:43be doing, need to be doing." Um, so 90 a
45:46year is like a peak
45:48performance, high productivity system
45:51for basically people who are ambitious.
45:54It definitely works to like be able to
45:56focus so much but like one struggle I'm
45:59still a person that wants to do a lot
46:01and I tend to have a lot on my plate and
46:03sometimes when I feel like you focus a
46:05lot on here a lot of other areas kind of
46:07get left behind and forgotten. I'm
46:08curious how what advice do you have for
46:10that and how do you manage it? How do
46:12your clients manage something like that?
46:14That's about recognizing what needs to
46:17be maintained and what needs to grow.
46:19Okay. So, uh, a couple of years ago, I
46:23had a a private client or not a private,
46:26she's in a a mentoring group of mine,
46:28and she had just come through a season
46:30of like just a lot of stress and strain
46:32for her business, for her team. And so,
46:35I said, for
46:372023, you can't set there's no new
46:39projects, nothing. We're just going to
46:42optimize what you've already done. So,
46:45we're just going to maintain things. And
46:47now I know that what often happens is
46:50when people go back and start optimizing
46:51and maintaining the things that they've
46:53already built, they're going to grow.
46:55And she did. She had her biggest year
46:56yet. And she's like, "How is that even
46:58possible? I didn't even set any big
46:59goals." And I'm like, "Because you
47:00already built the things that your
47:03business kind of needs." Yeah. You just
47:05went back and optimized. Instead of you
47:07building out 16 more lead magnets, you
47:10went back to the ones that you had
47:11already built and you optimized. You
47:14made the page a little bit better. and
47:16it took away a lot of bloat in the
47:18business. So, I would just say like for
47:20someone who's like you're very focused
47:22on this one thing over here. So, like
47:23maybe right now you're like I really
47:25want to scale up the podcast. I really
47:27want to grow its, you know, reach and
47:29audience. Then I would say, okay, so now
47:32of the things you already have that you
47:34want to keep, let's just maintain them.
47:36Let's make sure that whatever routines
47:38are in place in order to feed the
47:40YouTube channel, just let's make sure
47:43that those habits, those routines, those
47:46whatever the processes, right, just
47:48continue to be managed. It makes sense.
47:51Yeah. To to know exactly what is just
47:53being managed and don't, you know,
47:55you're not trying to do too much in in
47:57every project. You you pick one that you
47:59really want to hone in on and grow. But
48:01the the crazy thing about it though and
48:03it because it's and it actually maps
48:04towards kind of physics where you know a
48:07body in motion tends to stay in motion.
48:10So when when you get into like a
48:12management mindset or a maintaining
48:15mindset or an optimizing mindset, I'm
48:17always like, hey, don't be shocked if
48:20that snowball really grows for you and
48:22builds more momentum and it you're not
48:25even putting a lot of energy into it.
48:27Okay, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. I feel
48:30like I'm overdue for those reduce the
48:32bloat type of years that you you just
48:35talked about with your client. Yeah.
48:36Yeah. Okay. Something else I wanted to
48:38ask you about is the balance of
48:41compassion and toughness because when I
48:44hear peak performance, I think, oh, you
48:46might have to be tough on yourself. It's
48:47about showing up. And sometimes it's
48:49hard, right? Sometimes I don't know cuz
48:52some people talk about being gentle with
48:53yourself. There there's definitely a
48:55balance of pushing yourself enough. Not
48:58too hard, not too little.
49:00What is your take on that? The one thing
49:02that I try to use as a principle to kind
49:04of help filter these ideas through
49:06is nature I think is the ultimate
49:09teacher for us. So what exists in
49:11nature? So balance actually doesn't
49:14exist in nature like as a as a thing.
49:16Things are either growing or they're
49:18decaying. It's it's one of those two
49:21things that's happening. You know,
49:23something isn't only good. Meaning
49:26challenging yourself can't be only good.
49:28Well, how do I know that to be true?
49:29Well, because water isn't only
49:32good. I mean, we think of it like, how
49:34can water be bad? Well, if it's
49:36downpouring for multiple days on end,
49:38the soil can't soak it all up.
49:42So, it's something can't only be good.
49:46So to your point of like this kind of
49:48dichotomy of like being good to
49:51yourself and then but can't also being
49:54good to yourself mean challenging
49:57yourself because the moment you stop
49:59challenging yourself that means you're
50:02going to be withering away in some way
50:04right because there's growth and it's
50:06decay. Carl Young, who was the one who
50:10really first gave voice to the idea of
50:13archetypes, you know, like there's the
50:15the warrior archetype, there's the ruler
50:17archetype, the caregiver archetype, the
50:19magician archetype. There's 12 that he
50:21sort of outlined. I kind of like his
50:23because it does help use a lot of his
50:24archetype stuff in the way that I would
50:26help build alter egos for people and uh
50:29whatnot. But he had made a statement
50:31once where he said the most complete
50:34human is the person who can access all
50:37the different archetypes. Like you're
50:39not just one ruler archetype. You can
50:42also be a caregiver archetype or you can
50:44be the innocent archetype. And so that's
50:46how I think about developing even my own
50:48self is like, okay, what's an area of my
50:51life where I could
50:52experiment with a new way of being so
50:57that I can draw on some new attributes
50:58and traits. And what I found even in the
51:02use of Mr.
51:03Rogers, there was also there was all of
51:06a sudden a new tonality that I'd used in
51:08my coaching. Okay, I wasn't just the
51:10challenger archetype. There was a
51:12patience that I could all of a sudden
51:13start to bring to my coaching.
51:15as well or my mentoring of people. I see
51:18it. So in a way you're exploring the
51:19different archetypes, different
51:21characters and you're taking what's
51:23what's good from from all of them
51:25because there there is some right there
51:27is good in all of them. And so if you're
51:29only experimenting with one that you're
51:31limit limiting yourself. Yeah. like the
51:34ruler archetype as one. Just the word
51:35alone people would maybe have a a
51:37negative connotation with, but really a
51:39ruler archetype in its like pure form um
51:42in its maybe light form is someone that
51:46wants to bring uh prosperity and
51:48stability to everybody. That's really
51:50what a so that's why they want to put
51:52systems and frameworks in place like the
51:54gig the good king the good queen the
51:56good CEO is trying to bring prosperity
51:59and stability to everything and everyone
52:01the shadow side of the ruler is when the
52:03shadow side starts to come up is they
52:05become controlling and dominating and
52:08doineering
52:09um and that can be the same way with you
52:11know the magician can be manipulative
52:13then or the jester archetype could end
52:17up being in the shadow side of
52:18themselves would be someone who's very
52:20like like cutting knows how to use
52:23sarcasm to really cut deep on someone,
52:25but when they're in their light form,
52:27they're bringing humor and levity to the
52:30situation. Yeah. So, you know, it's just
52:33another framework to give to people is
52:34like, "Oh, I never even thought about
52:36exploring some of these other things."
52:38Well, how do you explore it? You got to
52:39look for sources of inspiration. So, if
52:41you're not someone who values humor that
52:44much, then consume things that are
52:46funny. Yeah. Right. like start to
52:49develop that and you can kind of start
52:50to see ways that you could bring it out.
52:54Going back to your alter ego concept,
52:56how do you guide people to know what
52:59parts of them want to be changed? Some I
53:01know you were very aware, oh, I need to
53:03be more decisive. I want to be more
53:04disciplined. This and this. Sometimes
53:06people don't even know what they need,
53:09right? in some ways pay attention to
53:12one what you're
53:15um desiring or jealous of in other
53:19people because that can be the signal
53:21because it's what it is is a recognition
53:23that you think that you don't have that
53:24right now right okay so that can be one
53:27thing okay and the other thing is I
53:29actually think that most people do know
53:31what it is that they want they just
53:34don't want to admit it to themselves
53:36because the admission to themselves
53:38would mean ultimately that well now
53:41there's no confusion that's left now
53:43there's no uncertainty that's left well
53:45it's also admitting your flaws and
53:46weaknesses right that's one way to frame
53:48it but I don't think so like I think
53:50it's an incredible strength when you can
53:52actually be someone who can admit to
53:55yourself no this is what I want it's
53:57actually going to be it's the title of
53:59my next book that I'm working on is the
54:01title is unapologetic what is that book
54:03about it's not that they're in a
54:05negative way saying like hey this is
54:07just who I am Oh, unapologetic in you
54:10want what you want. That's it. Like most
54:13people know what they want. Yeah. Allow
54:15that to come out. There's no like if if
54:19you said to me um if I asked you the
54:21question, oh like so what do you want um
54:23for lavender? And you told me one of the
54:25worst questions I could ask you is why.
54:28Oh, why demands that you need to explain
54:31to me with words and communicating which
54:35can be very clumsy for
54:40people what what is the source of this
54:42energy that you want to bring into the
54:45world? It's like all I'm looking for is
54:48that there's a conviction with a client.
54:49So like, hey, you don't explain to me
54:51why. I can see it. Yeah. Because some
54:54people don't have the words to
54:55articulate it. They just want what they
54:57want. And I'm like, "All right, let's go
54:59get let's get after it. Let's go do it.
55:00Now, let's put in place the things that
55:02we need to do in order to make the
55:04probability of that thing happen." Thank
55:06you for sharing that. Like unapologetic
55:08is you can want what you want and you
55:10don't have to know why or explain why.
55:12Cuz I I do understand sometimes if
55:14someone asks you why, you feel like, oh,
55:16then I have to like you have to prove
55:19that there's a good reason why or it
55:21makes in a in a split second it makes
55:23you doubt yourself. in a split second it
55:25makes you wonder, oh, do I really want
55:27that? Like, is it really important to
55:29me? So, and isn't that a terrible
55:31experience to give to people actually?
55:33Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It isn't what
55:35we should be doing to someone. And when
55:37you think about So, there's a great
55:39study that was done on the relatedness
55:42between vocabulary and
55:45wealth. And um what they found was the
55:49lower your access to words, so
55:52vocabulary. So the lower amount that you
55:53have um lower amount of words you have
55:55in your vocabulary, there's a direct
55:57correlation towards poverty.
56:00And when you think about it, it's
56:01because you just don't have the words to
56:03go out there and ask the world for what
56:05it is that you want or to present
56:07yourself in a way that is going to be
56:10whether it could be attractive to other
56:12people. So the more vocabulary you have,
56:15there is a direct correlation to income.
56:19Well, to take this to my
56:21point, sometimes we don't have the words
56:24to describe what it is this sense, this
56:27feeling that we might have about what it
56:29is that I want. But you know, you don't
56:31need to have me know. Yeah. You know,
56:34and then your job is to go out and try
56:36and realize that in the world in some
56:37way. And then you get to that place and
56:39you're like, "This is what I want. this
56:41is what I wanted. Yeah, you don't need
56:43to explain. I mean, I'm not going to ask
56:45any of your viewers to ever explain why
56:46they need to or why they want what they
56:48want. They just they just want it. And
56:50so, what I'd give to people to make
56:52things practical is if you're troubled
56:54by that sometimes that people ask you,
56:56well, why do you want that? What people
56:57lack is typically a script, a reflex, a
57:00response to say back to those people.
57:03And it could just be like you can be,
57:04oh, what was it? It's just what I want.
57:07And they go, but why do you want it?
57:08It's what I want. Like because after a
57:10while I'm gonna because I'm I think
57:12about taking on the alter ego of a
57:13six-year-old. I've had three
57:16six-year-olds at one point in time. Not
57:18at the same time, but they will just
57:19stick to their guns and I'm going to
57:21take on the alter ego of a six-year-old.
57:22Say that's what I want. I love that. And
57:24it works. It's helpful. It's useful.
57:26Yeah. Amazing. Okay. So Todd, if you
57:28could leave our listeners with one final
57:30piece of advice or wisdom, what would
57:32that be? I just encourage people to be a
57:34lot more playful with how they perceive
57:36themselves and that you're not something
57:38that was already carved in stone and
57:40you're going to be that thing forever.
57:42You know, human beings are not trees.
57:45You know, oak an acorn will always grow
57:47into an oak tree. We're not acorns. We
57:50can always myth morph and shift and
57:53shape and transform into, you know,
57:56whatever it is that we're really um
57:58desired to become.
58:00Yeah, that's super inspiring. And I'm
58:02curious for you. Who are you trying to
58:04shapeshift to becoming more like now?
58:07Okay. So, I've got a bunch of media
58:09that's um upcoming because of this, you
58:12know, documentary and uh I am trying to
58:16adopt a little bit more of the
58:18attributes and traits of Hugh Jackman
58:19and Ryan Reynolds in media interviews
58:22because I like the way that they show
58:24up. They're, you know, very familiar.
58:26They're very fun. Um, and so yeah,
58:29that's that's a little bit of what I'm
58:31trying to to bring into the world now.
58:33We'll see. We'll see how I do with it.
58:34Okay, good luck with that. So, you just
58:36have to study and watch their tapes sort
58:38of thing. Yeah, that's that's I mean,
58:39I've already done it a couple I've
58:41already done it because I was on the
58:42Today's Show and I and I use that as a
58:43source of inspiration as well for how I
58:45showed up. And yeah, so I just sort of,
58:48you know, look at their mannerisms,
58:50looking at their characteristics, and I
58:52go, "Yeah, know I like the way that they
58:54show up. I like their body language
58:55that's there." And you know, I don't
58:57want to just come across as like this
58:58kind of scientific person that's going
59:00to be explaining the reasons why. Like I
59:02want to be more playful um on camera.
59:04And so that's going to be my sources of
59:06inspiration. Amazing. But sh everyone
59:08don't tell everyone that cuz that's
59:09going to be our secret for the show. I
59:11love hearing that and knowing that
59:13you're constantly still even to this day
59:15evolving. Yeah. And then even for my my
59:18kids because they're they're growing
59:19into a different phase of their life.
59:20And one of my heroes is this guy John
59:23Wooden who's actually from the LA area.
59:25is one of the greatest coaches to ever
59:27live. And so I'm kind of at a phase of
59:30my life of, you know, adopting a little
59:32bit of his philosophy and kind of way of
59:35showing up in the way that I want to.
59:37And so, yeah, just a another way for me
59:40to be playful with how I'm trying to
59:42evolve. Awesome. Okay. Finally, Todd,
59:45where can our listeners find you online?
59:48Well, if it's social media, typically
59:50Todd Herman is where you'd find me
59:53across the different socials. And then
59:55toddh herman.me is my home base on the
59:58internet. And then all things going out
59:59to the different uh you know programs
1:00:02that I have and you know I've got a
1:00:04software platform called up coach which
1:00:06is you know helps people who are in the
1:00:07coaching and training world you know
1:00:09deliver their programming to other
1:00:11people. So I can get all the links
1:00:12there. Amazing. We'll share all the
1:00:13links down below. You guys can check out
1:00:15more about Todd. Thank you so much for
1:00:17today. You are just such like a well of
1:00:19wisdom and I really sorry about Togei. I
1:00:23really just agreeing. Just agreeing.
1:00:24That's all.
1:00:26I won the dogs over. He loved it today.
1:00:29Yes. Thank you so much though.
1:00:39[Music]

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