The 5 Habits 80% of Top Performers Use Every Day | Aspire Archives — Transcript

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1. 0:00when you think about wellness and
2. 0:02practices like what are the things that
3. 0:03you would say to my listeners that you
4. 0:06absolutely have to adopt if you are
5. 0:07living a fast-paced busy life big career
6. 0:10trying to start a company what do you
7. 0:12need to do what are the non-negotiables
8. 0:14>> oh that's a great question and and I'd
9. 0:15say that some of this stuff is stuff
10. 0:16I've implemented in corporations when I
11. 0:19work with my corporate clients
12. 0:20>> I've instilled this idea of if everyone
13. 0:22took a breath for three minutes at the
14. 0:25beginning of a meeting
15. 0:25>> just a breath
16. 0:26>> just a breath just three breaths you
17. 0:28won't be carrying the baggage from your
18. 0:30last meeting into the next one. Most of
19. 0:32us walk into a new meeting and we're
20. 0:34still thinking about what happened in
21. 0:35the last meeting.
22. 0:36>> Facts. Especially if they annoyed you.
23. 0:37>> Sorry.
24. 0:38>> Especially if they annoyed you.
25. 0:39>> Yeah, exactly. And you haven't had a
26. 0:40second to decompress. You haven't had a
27. 0:42second to think about it. All of a
28. 0:43sudden, your manager in this meeting is
29. 0:44going, "What about this? This, this,
30. 0:45this, this, and you haven't even
31. 0:47decompressed. If you just took three
32. 0:48breaths at the start of that meeting,
33. 0:50all of a sudden, you've paused. You've
34. 0:52calmed the energy. And now you can
35. 0:53actually be present." But going back to
36. 0:55the non-negotiables, there's five habits
37. 0:57that I believe are non-negotiable for
38. 0:59high performers when it comes to high
39. 1:01wellness. And if you look at the top
40. 1:03athletes in the world, the top
41. 1:04musicians, the top business performers,
42. 1:0780 to 90% of them practice these five
43. 1:09habits. So these are also scientifically
44. 1:11proven, but they're practically there.
45. 1:13And Emma, I'd say every exec, every
46. 1:15leader, every aspiring leader is an
47. 1:19athlete. We have to start treating our
48. 1:21body and minds like athlete because
49. 1:22you're demanding things from your body
50. 1:24and mind.
51. 1:25>> I couldn't agree more.
52. 1:26>> Yeah. The first is thankfulness. And the
53. 1:28reason why I say that one is the first
54. 1:30one is because if you're not thankful
55. 1:32for where you're at, it doesn't matter
56. 1:33how much you'll achieve, you'll never be
57. 1:35thankful. If you're insecure about where
58. 1:37you're at, if you're envious about where
59. 1:38you're at, if you're jealous, judgmental
60. 1:40of where you're at, that's what you're
61. 1:41going to be like when you're at the top
62. 1:42of the mountain or when you're at the
63. 1:44bottom of the mountain. So the way I'd
64. 1:46say to be grateful is not a journal.
65. 1:47Don't write about it. You have to share
66. 1:50it. If you want gratitude to work, it
67. 1:52has to be three things. Expressed,
68. 1:54specific, and personal. So, if I'm going
69. 1:57to be grateful to you, Emma, like you
70. 1:59were kindly to me at the start of this.
71. 2:00You expressed it. You said, "Jay, I love
72. 2:02coming on your show." You were specific.
73. 2:04You were like, "Jay, when I came on your
74. 2:05show, I got to talk about things that I
75. 2:07don't really talk about." And you were
76. 2:08personal. You said, "You made me feel
77. 2:10really comfortable." You did all of
78. 2:12those three things. If you think about
79. 2:14most gratitude, it's generic. I'm
80. 2:16grateful for life. I'm grateful for the
81. 2:18air. I'm grateful for the cloud. And
82. 2:21you'll be grateful in your journal. You
83. 2:23never say it. You never share it. It's
84. 2:25just writing it down. That doesn't work.
85. 2:27Studies show that if you share
86. 2:28gratitude, if you express it, it's
87. 2:30specific and it's personal. You can't be
88. 2:33worried or anxious at the same time.
89. 2:35It's not possible. This is like a light
90. 2:38bulb moment for me because one of the
91. 2:40things I mean I have been keeping a
92. 2:42gratitude journal since like the Oprah
93. 2:43days, right? As a kid, I learned that
94. 2:45that was something and I don't think I
95. 2:47understood it so much like, you know,
96. 2:50back then, but I really knew this makes
97. 2:51me feel good. And for me, it was about
98. 2:53redirecting what was going on in my head
99. 2:56at the time and having something else to
100. 2:58think about. But what I do do all the
101. 3:00time is write to people. I constantly
102. 3:03send emails saying, "This thing that you
103. 3:05did was really seen, was really
104. 3:07appreciated, and made me feel like this,
105. 3:09and thank you for doing that." in the
106. 3:11hope that they continue that behavior
107. 3:13and maybe somebody else gets the same
108. 3:14treatment, but I didn't actually
109. 3:16understand like the scientific piece of
110. 3:17it because I'm just like here writing in
111. 3:19my gratitude journal. I didn't actually
112. 3:21put those, you know, I always think
113. 3:22about it as like you do someone a favor,
114. 3:24they do something nice to you, you know,
115. 3:25it's like just being grateful, being
116. 3:27English, being like, you know, polite
117. 3:29like a nice girl. I never thought about
118. 3:30it in the sense of connecting it to the
119. 3:32gratitude practice.
120. 3:34>> Absolutely. And and it changes
121. 3:35everything because you just said, and
122. 3:36I'd say that to people for the next
123. 3:37seven days, do what Emma does. Send one
124. 3:40personally and one person professionally
125. 3:43a text, an email, a voice message, a
126. 3:46video message. Doesn't have to be long,
127. 3:4730 seconds. And share gratitude that's
128. 3:50specific and personal. It will change
129. 3:51your relationships. It will change how
130. 3:53you feel. It will make you feel like
131. 3:55you're connected to people. You're not
132. 3:56lonely at the top. You actually have
133. 3:58you're paving the way for others to
134. 4:00follow as well. There's so many
135. 4:01benefits. So, that has to
136. 4:02>> That's amazing. I love that one. And you
137. 4:03can do that in work, too. Like, why
138. 4:05wouldn't you do that with your
139. 4:05colleague? because we're in such a rush
140. 4:07all the time and the winds happen and
141. 4:09you could literally turn around and be
142. 4:10like, "You did this amazing job. I love
143. 4:12the way you did X D." It's like so
144. 4:14simple. All right, what's the second
145. 4:15habit?
146. 4:16>> So, the second habit is something I
147. 4:17called insight. I think about humans
148. 4:19really interestingly. If you're hungry,
149. 4:22you go to your refrigerator or Uber Eats
150. 4:24or whatever it is and you find food. If
151. 4:27you're out of milk, you buy milk. But
152. 4:29when we're out of inspiration, we panic.
153. 4:32If we're out of motivation, we panic. If
154. 4:34we're out of energy, we panic. like it's
155. 4:36like, "Oh my god, there must be
156. 4:37something wrong with me. There's
157. 4:39something like that's not working for
158. 4:40me." I think it's really important that
159. 4:42we learn something every day. The
160. 4:43problem is we stop studying the moment
161. 4:45we leave school.
162. 4:46>> Yeah.
163. 4:46>> And we need to learn one insight per
164. 4:49day. It could be the tiniest thing
165. 4:50someone says to you. It could be
166. 4:51listening to your podcast right now and
167. 4:53you'll take away one insight. Could be
168. 4:55learning a new word. It could be
169. 4:57anything. Just learning one tiny thing a
170. 4:59day changes the brain. It makes you feel
171. 5:02like you're moving. you don't feel stuck
172. 5:03anymore because you have a new piece of
173. 5:05insight. You have a new experience that
174. 5:07you can share with someone else. And
175. 5:08your podcast is going to do that for so
176. 5:10many people. I
177. 5:10>> honestly I love Well, I love that you
178. 5:12say that first of all, but this is one
179. 5:14of my biggest single things. And you
180. 5:16know, I feel like I didn't take very
181. 5:18much away from school at all, but
182. 5:19there's this great quote that I love and
183. 5:21I think about it every day is that the
184. 5:22more you learn, the more you earn, which
185. 5:24is a very Emma quote. It wasn't me, it
186. 5:26was Warren Buffett, but it's one that,
187. 5:28you know, I'm a lifelong learner and I
188. 5:30have been like that since I was a kid.
189. 5:31But I think I've connected it to this
190. 5:33idea of like just growth, right?
191. 5:36Personal growth in my life. If I can
192. 5:38learn something every day, learn
193. 5:40something about someone that is me
194. 5:42expanding my horizons, expanding what I
195. 5:44know. I love the way you contextualize
196. 5:46it is like insights, right? And that is
197. 5:48so important for people. Like if you can
198. 5:51make that a habit every single day, I'm
199. 5:53just going to learn the smallest little
200. 5:55thing. How do you practice that? Like
201. 5:56what do you do? What do you learn?
202. 5:57>> I think you can literally go, okay, I'm
203. 5:59going to learn a new word every day. I'm
204. 6:00just going to get chat GPD. Give me a
205. 6:02new word every day. Like something
206. 6:03unique, something I've never heard
207. 6:04before, a word in another language. It
208. 6:06can be that simple. For me, I like to
209. 6:09just I mean, I'm lucky I get to sit down
210. 6:10and interview people. So, I'm learning
211. 6:12stuff all the time. And and I think
212. 6:14anyone who's listening is learning all
213. 6:16the time. But it's like at one point in
214. 6:18my life, I listen to Steve Jobs's
215. 6:20Stanford commencement speech every day
216. 6:22for nine months.
217. 6:24>> And not only did What a speech.
218. 6:26>> What a speech.
219. 6:26>> One of the best speeches of all time.
220. 6:27>> What a speech. The one where he talks
221. 6:29about dogma that are you it's it's so
222. 6:32insane you first of all I've taken so
223. 6:35many parts of that speech I keep like
224. 6:37postit on the inside of my bathroom
225. 6:39mirror so many parts of that I've posted
226. 6:41that speech in parts in so many ways
227. 6:43it's it really is cuz what does he
228. 6:45there's a part in there where he talks
229. 6:46about
230. 6:47>> don't be trapped by dog people's
231. 6:49>> thinking and the best invention of life
232. 6:51is death and it's finite and I'm like
233. 6:54it's so crazy that speech you know it's
234. 6:57insane
235. 6:58So you listen to that every day as like
236. 6:59a way of learning, like feeding
237. 7:01yourself.
238. 7:01>> At one point in my life, I listened to
239. 7:02it every day for 9 months. And I promise
240. 7:04you, not only did I know the words off
241. 7:06by heart, the word started to change my
242. 7:08heart and my life because you start to
243. 7:10live them. Repetition. We also living at
244. 7:12a time where we always want new and
245. 7:15fresh. I think there's a power in
246. 7:17repetitive insights. Sometimes learning
247. 7:19the same thing again and again every day
248. 7:21lets it drop into your consciousness and
249. 7:23all of a sudden you're acting
250. 7:24differently.
251. 7:25>> It changes you. It changes you.
252. 7:27>> Oh my goodness, these habits are
253. 7:28changing me. All right, number three.
254. 7:31>> We talked about number three, so I won't
255. 7:33talk about it too much, but mindfulness
256. 7:34or meditation, having a check-in with
257. 7:36yourself. I always say to people, you
258. 7:38schedule meetings with your family, your
259. 7:41friends. You never cancel things for
260. 7:43your kids.
261. 7:44>> You never ever cancel a meeting with
262. 7:46someone else, but you'll never schedule
263. 7:48one with yourself. You just don't do it.
264. 7:50It's not there. And so what I say to
265. 7:51people is just at the beginning, at the
266. 7:53end of your day, have a meeting with
267. 7:55yourself. It could be three minutes. Put
268. 7:57it in the calendar. Three minutes of the
269. 7:59start of the day, three minutes at the
270. 8:00end, and just check in with yourself at
271. 8:02the start and say, "What do I need today
272. 8:04to make it a great day? Is it a cup of
273. 8:06coffee? Is it a great meeting? Is it me
274. 8:08making sure that I'm prepared for MS
275. 8:10podcast?" Like, what's the thing that's
276. 8:12going to make today great? And at the
277. 8:13end of the day, let me just reflect on
278. 8:14how my day was and how did it go for me.
279. 8:17That's the beginning of meditation.
280. 8:18>> Why is it so difficult for women, for
281. 8:21example, to actually create that space
282. 8:24and time? Because like I said to you, my
283. 8:26husband will have no problem meditating
284. 8:27and finding the time to meditate for 40
285. 8:29minutes a day. This is a very busy
286. 8:31businessman. He also has four kids and a
287. 8:33lot going on. Why would so many women
288. 8:36find it hard to make that appointment
289. 8:38with themselves and to make the time and
290. 8:40the space?
291. 8:41>> If I'm honest, I mean, women are more
292. 8:43caring. They're more nurturing,
293. 8:45>> but just not about themselves.
294. 8:46>> They've been programmed to believe that
295. 8:48>> they should be taking care of everyone
296. 8:50else. M
297. 8:50>> they have the capacity to so that's
298. 8:53their role in society. I think women
299. 8:55have been programmed to believe that
300. 8:57their worth comes from helping everyone
301. 8:59else and not themselves. Their value
302. 9:01comes from being there for the village
303. 9:03and not themselves. And so a lot of it's
304. 9:05programming conditioning for decades
305. 9:08where women have had to put themselves
306. 9:10centuries sorry
307. 9:12where women have had to put themselves
308. 9:13second, third, 10th even if they're on
309. 9:16the list at all. And it's really sad
310. 9:19because if you think about it, women
311. 9:21have the greatest impact on society. I
312. 9:24mean, when I think about my mom, my mom
313. 9:26made me and my sister breakfast, lunch,
314. 9:29and dinner fresh every day. She dropped
315. 9:31me and her to school until I was old
316. 9:33enough to take the bus myself. She
317. 9:34picked us up from school. When we got
318. 9:37home, she did our homework with us. She
319. 9:39went out to work in the evenings and
320. 9:41then came back. My mom has had more
321. 9:42impact on me than any other human on
322. 9:45planet Earth.
323. 9:46>> Without a doubt. And because of her
324. 9:49sacrifice for me, I feel so in love. But
325. 9:52the only thing I would have wanted as a
326. 9:53child is for her to do something for
327. 9:55her. Now, when I think about it, and
328. 9:56even at this age, like if I told my mom,
329. 9:58"Mom, fly to LA. I miss you." She'd jump
330. 10:00on a plane
331. 10:01>> 1,000%. As any mom would, but that's why
332. 10:03I always talk about this idea, and I
333. 10:05mentioned it on your podcast, of putting
334. 10:07yourself first. And I do think that at
335. 10:09the end of the day, we've just got to
336. 10:11get comfortable with putting ourselves
337. 10:13first. And if you can think about
338. 10:15meditation in that sense that actually
339. 10:18you're doing something for the good of
340. 10:20everyone around you because it betters
341. 10:22you, it adds to you, it feeds you. It
342. 10:24just is that again that reframing of how
343. 10:27we think about something as being is
344. 10:28this taking away from everyone around me
345. 10:30or is this giving to everyone around me?
346. 10:32And I find the meditation piece this is
347. 10:33giving.
348. 10:34>> You hit the nail on the head. It it's
349. 10:36all about the reframe. Yeah. It's all
350. 10:38about the reframe of am I giving people
351. 10:40the best of me or giving them my
352. 10:42leftovers.
353. 10:43>> And most of us are just giving our
354. 10:45leftovers. And by the way, that's not
355. 10:46your fault. It's how things have been
356. 10:48structured, how societyy's been
357. 10:49conditioned. But if you start investing
358. 10:51in yourself, your parents get a better
359. 10:53version of you, your partner gets a
360. 10:54better version of you, your kids get a
361. 10:56better version of you, your colleagues
362. 10:57get a better version of you. You will
363. 10:59give the best version of yourself to
364. 11:00everyone if you've done the one thing in
365. 11:03your day for three minutes for yourself.
366. 11:06Whether that's a coffee, watching a
367. 11:08video, whatever it be for you.
368. 11:09>> I'm just glad we're down to 3 minutes
369. 11:11and not this I can cope with. All right,
370. 11:14number four.
371. 11:15>> Number four is the one we all know which
372. 11:17we've heard a million times, but we
373. 11:18don't do it is exercise. And I've heard
374. 11:20>> and I know and I know you say that like
375. 11:22you've heard all of these things a
376. 11:23million times, but it is the most
377. 11:25obvious things that have the biggest
378. 11:27impact, right?
379. 11:29>> So So when you talk about these habits
380. 11:30because they feel simple, making it a
381. 11:33habit, like how do you make your
382. 11:34exercise a habit? There's two things
383. 11:36about human psychology that make
384. 11:38exercise easier. One is it has to be
385. 11:40collaborative and two it has to be
386. 11:42competitive.
387. 11:43>> Collaborative. I work out at 5:30 in the
388. 11:45morning. Like who am I?
389. 11:46>> You don't need a real person there. Even
390. 11:48if it's an accountability partner, if
391. 11:49there's someone else who's waking up in
392. 11:50another clim in another environment, it
393. 11:52could be someone online like whenever
394. 11:54you're um even if you're posting your
395. 11:55scores with your friends and you might
396. 11:57not be working out at the same time, but
397. 11:59it's collaborating and knowing that
398. 12:00other people you love and trust are
399. 12:02working out as well. It's having that
400. 12:04community around you.
401. 12:05>> I don't like this one. Is am I not am I
402. 12:07not allowed to like some of the some of
403. 12:09the like 5:30 a.m. I look like I
404. 12:12don't want to talk to anyone. That's my
405. 12:14quiet time in the day. Like the
406. 12:16collaboration. Could I could I like text
407. 12:18someone?
408. 12:19>> Yeah. It's a different definition. I
409. 12:20When I say collaborative, I don't mean
410. 12:21it has to be with someone because that's
411. 12:23not possible for a lot of people. When I
412. 12:25say collaborative, it means you know
413. 12:26other people who have the same goals.
414. 12:28You're talking about it. You're texting
415. 12:30about it. You're messaging about it.
416. 12:31You're connecting about it. And that's
417. 12:32important for what reason?
418. 12:34>> Well, because you feel like, well, we're
419. 12:35both on this journey together. We've
420. 12:37both got that goal together. It's the
421. 12:39community. We all work better when we
422. 12:41feel accountable. Even if it's to a
423. 12:43friend, that doesn't mean that they're
424. 12:44there in the room. It doesn't mean that
425. 12:45you've got to be dressed up for your
426. 12:47workout at 5:30. What it means is me and
427. 12:49my friends set a goal and there's a
428. 12:51community of us and we're all inspiring
429. 12:53each other. Humans work better that way.
430. 12:55The second is make it competitive.
431. 12:57Humans love winning.
432. 12:58>> There's one I can get with humans love
433. 13:00winning. You do the 10,000 step contest
434. 13:03in your family, everyone's going to be
435. 13:04walking at 9:00 p.m. trying to get to
436. 13:0710,0002. So, make it competitive. That's
437. 13:09what we've not done with exercise. We've
438. 13:11tried to make it routine. We've tried to
439. 13:13make it a habit.
440. 13:14>> This stuff gets boring. Competition
441. 13:16doesn't get boring.
442. 13:17>> We all love it when we were kids and you
443. 13:19had to go and beat the other school. Now
444. 13:20it's like, what are we doing?
445. 13:22>> Exactly. So, that's how you make I can
446. 13:24get with that one.
447. 13:25>> And then the final one is sleep. And
448. 13:28this one is the underestimated one. Yes,
449. 13:31>> because people just don't realize how
450. 13:33much sleep is boosting their life. So
451. 13:35those five habits go thankfulness,
452. 13:38insight, meditation, exercise, sleep. It
453. 13:40spells times, t i ms. So you can
454. 13:43remember that as always being the five
455. 13:44non-negotiables.