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The 3-Boundary Rule That Will Save Your Inner Peace! — Transcript

by Jay Shetty Podcast · 3,923 words · 641 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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  1. 0:00The older I get, here's the number one
  2. 0:02thing I prioritize.
  3. 0:04Protecting my energy.
  4. 0:07Protecting your energy is the most
  5. 0:09important investment you will ever make.
  6. 0:13Energy is how you show up in the moment,
  7. 0:15it's how you use your time, it's how you
  8. 0:18connect with people.
  9. 0:20If your energy is drained, you can't
  10. 0:22achieve anything. If your energy is
  11. 0:25sucked out of you, you're not the best
  12. 0:28version of yourself. And if your energy
  13. 0:31is being pulled out of you, you don't
  14. 0:34have the ability to make an impact. So
  15. 0:38many of you want to be incredible
  16. 0:39entrepreneurs. So many of you want to
  17. 0:41launch your own podcast. So many of you
  18. 0:43want to find love and build the right
  19. 0:45relationship. All of those require
  20. 0:48energy. Energy isn't just about how much
  21. 0:51flow you have and how much enthusiasm
  22. 0:53you have.
  23. 0:54It's about the frequency that you
  24. 0:56vibrate at, what you attract into your
  25. 0:59life, the kind of people you surround
  26. 1:01yourself by.
  27. 1:02Have you ever noticed that some people
  28. 1:04leave you feeling full and others leave
  29. 1:07you feeling flat? You start the day
  30. 1:10feeling okay, but after a call, a
  31. 1:12meeting, a quick catch-up, you feel
  32. 1:15strangely tired, like someone unplugged
  33. 1:18your spirit. That's not in your head.
  34. 1:20That's your energy being taken, wasted,
  35. 1:23or exploited.
  36. 1:25Today, I want to talk to you about how
  37. 1:27to protect your energy so that your
  38. 1:29energy is never wasted, it's never taken
  39. 1:32or exploited by anyone, and that you're
  40. 1:35not building walls, but learning how to
  41. 1:38manage your light.
  42. 1:40Because not everyone who wants your
  43. 1:42energy deserves to have the key. Part
  44. 1:45one.
  45. 1:46Here's something I've learned. Every
  46. 1:48text, every conversation, every thought,
  47. 1:50it's an investment. And just like money,
  48. 1:53if you spend without awareness, you end
  49. 1:56up emotionally broke.
  50. 1:58There are two types of people in your
  51. 2:00life. Energy investors and energy
  52. 2:03thieves. Energy investors leave you
  53. 2:05better. They give as much as they take.
  54. 2:08You walk away inspired, lighter,
  55. 2:10expanded. Energy thieves on the other
  56. 2:12hand, they leave you heavy, confused,
  57. 2:15and drained. And here's the trick. They
  58. 2:18don't always mean to. Sometimes they're
  59. 2:20just running on empty themselves. And if
  60. 2:23you don't have boundaries, they'll
  61. 2:25subconsciously plug into you like you're
  62. 2:27their charger.
  63. 2:29Pause for a moment and think.
  64. 2:31Who in your life leaves you lighter?
  65. 2:34And who leaves you heavier?
  66. 2:35That's your body's wisdom speaking. It's
  67. 2:38amazing, isn't it, how our body and mind
  68. 2:40actually tell us how we feel? You finish
  69. 2:43having lunch with someone
  70. 2:45and you're wondering why they just
  71. 2:47gossip the whole time and spoke
  72. 2:48negatively about someone.
  73. 2:50And then you spend time with someone
  74. 2:51else and you walk away feeling so
  75. 2:53inspired to start something of your own.
  76. 2:56You walk away from someone else and you
  77. 2:58feel guilty and shameful that you
  78. 3:00haven't yet started your own side hustle
  79. 3:02or business. You walk away from someone
  80. 3:04else and you walk away with a bright new
  81. 3:06idea.
  82. 3:07Your body and your mind are constantly
  83. 3:09talking to you. They're constantly
  84. 3:11receiving data and signals. But what
  85. 3:14happens is our lives are so busy that we
  86. 3:16don't have the time to process this data
  87. 3:18and signal to actually know what to do,
  88. 3:21which is why we revisit the same people
  89. 3:23in the same places that drain us again
  90. 3:25and again and again. I want you to
  91. 3:27really focus in
  92. 3:29for the next 24 hours
  93. 3:32and then the next 48 and then the next
  94. 3:3472
  95. 3:35looking and asking yourself after you
  96. 3:38meet each person and after you interact
  97. 3:40with anyone, whether it's a Zoom, a
  98. 3:41phone call, a text, or an email, or in
  99. 3:44person,
  100. 3:45who is an energy thief and who's an
  101. 3:47energy investor?
  102. 3:49And here's where I want to be really
  103. 3:50careful about this.
  104. 3:51Someone who's stealing your energy isn't
  105. 3:54always doing it maliciously.
  106. 3:56They may just not know how to deal in
  107. 3:58energy themselves. So, just so you know,
  108. 4:01someone who's stealing energy isn't a
  109. 4:02bad person. They're just someone who
  110. 4:05maybe needs to listen to this episode,
  111. 4:06too. In life, there are energy givers
  112. 4:09and energy takers. Energy givers make
  113. 4:12you feel safe being yourself. Energy
  114. 4:15takers make you question yourself.
  115. 4:18Energy givers listen to understand.
  116. 4:21Energy takers, well, they listen to
  117. 4:23reply.
  118. 4:24Energy givers want to see you win, even
  119. 4:27if they're losing.
  120. 4:29Energy takers only cheer when they're
  121. 4:32ahead.
  122. 4:33Energy givers inspire action. Energy
  123. 4:36takers drain motivation.
  124. 4:39Energy givers recharge you with honesty.
  125. 4:43Energy takers exhaust you with drama.
  126. 4:46Energy givers make hard days feel
  127. 4:48manageable. Energy takers make easy days
  128. 4:51feel hard.
  129. 4:53And energy givers ask you how you really
  130. 4:55are.
  131. 4:57Energy takers ask, but don't really care
  132. 4:59about the answer.
  133. 5:01Energy givers respect your boundaries.
  134. 5:04Energy takers test them and call you
  135. 5:07difficult when you hold them.
  136. 5:09So, I wanted to give you that list
  137. 5:10because here are the two lessons.
  138. 5:12Know who the energy takers and givers in
  139. 5:14your life, and number two, be an energy
  140. 5:17giver.
  141. 5:18Don't be an energy taker.
  142. 5:20Part two.
  143. 5:21Here are the subtle ways people drain
  144. 5:24you. Sometimes,
  145. 5:25it happens so subtly that you don't even
  146. 5:28recognize it. And it takes months, maybe
  147. 5:30even years for you to recognize that
  148. 5:33this individual or this group of people
  149. 5:36haven't been filling you up.
  150. 5:38Number one, the emotional dumper. They
  151. 5:41call it venting, but really, it's
  152. 5:43unloading. Every conversation is about
  153. 5:46their chaos, their crisis, their stress.
  154. 5:50And when you try to share something
  155. 5:51back, it circles back to them.
  156. 5:55I can't tell you how many people in my
  157. 5:57life I've noticed where they don't have
  158. 5:59the capacity
  159. 6:01to think of life beyond themselves.
  160. 6:03I realized that even when I want to
  161. 6:05help, I don't know if I'm even able to
  162. 6:08because they're so lost in their own
  163. 6:09world that all they want to do is bring
  164. 6:11it back to another thing about them.
  165. 6:14And they're looking for assurance,
  166. 6:15they're looking for validation, they're
  167. 6:17looking for reassurance, they're looking
  168. 6:19for support, they're looking for help.
  169. 6:21It's always about them.
  170. 6:24And it's subtle because in the beginning
  171. 6:26you might think you're helping. You
  172. 6:27might think you're the fixer and you
  173. 6:28might even like that. You may even want
  174. 6:30to be the fixer. See, it's not that this
  175. 6:32person's taking advantage of you,
  176. 6:34they're actually enabling who you want
  177. 6:35to be.
  178. 6:36So it can be your responsibility as well
  179. 6:38to recognize that you're trying to be
  180. 6:41the healer. They want to be the healed.
  181. 6:44But in reality, neither of you win.
  182. 6:47Number two, the chronic taker.
  183. 6:50You've helped them move, listened
  184. 6:52through breakups, given advice,
  185. 6:54but when you need something, they're
  186. 6:56busy. They've got a different priority.
  187. 6:58This one's heartbreaking because you put
  188. 7:01your heart on the line, you went out of
  189. 7:03your way for that person, you did things
  190. 7:05for them when it was inconvenient for
  191. 7:07you, and when you need one small thing,
  192. 7:10they don't have any time. This one is so
  193. 7:12heartbreaking.
  194. 7:14But it's important to notice. Now, I'm
  195. 7:16not saying that every relationship you
  196. 7:18have turns into a transactional
  197. 7:19analysis. I'm not asking you to keep
  198. 7:22score or keep count. And I'm asking you
  199. 7:24to check with yourself. If you can keep
  200. 7:26giving without needing their help,
  201. 7:28that's incredible. Good for you.
  202. 7:30But chances are it's going to wear away
  203. 7:32and tire out the relationship that
  204. 7:34you're trying to build. The third subtle
  205. 7:36way
  206. 7:37that people drain your energy is the
  207. 7:40boundary tester.
  208. 7:42Pay attention to this one. They'll say,
  209. 7:45"Can you just?" Or, "It will only take a
  210. 7:47second." They push because you've
  211. 7:50trained them that your time is flexible.
  212. 7:54This one's huge for me.
  213. 7:56Right? This person makes it sound like
  214. 7:59their request is so small, but in fact,
  215. 8:02they're just testing your boundary. You
  216. 8:04just said, "I don't think I can do that
  217. 8:06this weekend." And they message you
  218. 8:07saying, "What about Saturday morning
  219. 8:09just for 30 minutes?"
  220. 8:11>> [snorts]
  221. 8:11>> You just said, "I'm really sorry. I've
  222. 8:12already committed to an event that
  223. 8:14night." And they'll message you back and
  224. 8:16say, "Well, remember I helped you with
  225. 8:17your birthday." Right? They push your
  226. 8:21boundary. If you've had the courage to
  227. 8:23state your boundary to a friend or
  228. 8:25person in your life, and they use that
  229. 8:28boundary against you, or believe that
  230. 8:30it's flexible,
  231. 8:32they're draining your energy. If you
  232. 8:34said to someone, "I can't make it this
  233. 8:35weekend." And they said, "What about
  234. 8:36Saturday morning?"
  235. 8:38They don't value your boundaries.
  236. 8:40If you said to someone, "Hey, I'd really
  237. 8:42like to keep it private." And they said,
  238. 8:43"Hey, can I please bring a couple of
  239. 8:44friends?" They don't respect your
  240. 8:46boundaries. If you've had the courage to
  241. 8:48state how you feel, and someone sees
  242. 8:50that as flexible,
  243. 8:52you've got to recognize that's draining
  244. 8:53your energy. Because guess what? It
  245. 8:55already took so much energy for you to
  246. 8:57be honest.
  247. 8:58And now you've got to focus again on
  248. 9:01projecting the truth, and that's hard.
  249. 9:04The fourth way that people drain your
  250. 9:05energy
  251. 9:06is called the compliment parasite.
  252. 9:09They admire you, but it's conditional.
  253. 9:12They celebrate your wins until your
  254. 9:14light makes them feel small. All of a
  255. 9:17sudden, when you found someone that you
  256. 9:19love, you're in a relationship,
  257. 9:21you now get this passive-aggressive
  258. 9:22version of them. You just got a
  259. 9:24promotion at work,
  260. 9:26they can't really handle it. You just
  261. 9:28made a move outside of work,
  262. 9:31they don't know if they can deal with
  263. 9:32it. You just moved in with your partner,
  264. 9:34they've got something to say. If every
  265. 9:36time you have some good news to share,
  266. 9:39and you struggle to share it with this
  267. 9:40particular friend,
  268. 9:42it's because they're draining your
  269. 9:43energy. If you can't share something
  270. 9:46positive that's happening in your life
  271. 9:48with a friend because they might feel
  272. 9:51agitated or uncomfortable about it,
  273. 9:55you're not that close.
  274. 9:56You're not that close if you can't share
  275. 9:58your wins with someone. You think you're
  276. 10:00close to someone when you can tell them
  277. 10:03about a bad day.
  278. 10:04You're really close to someone when you
  279. 10:07can tell them about your good day.
  280. 10:09Someone who is there for you when you're
  281. 10:10losing is a great friend. Someone who
  282. 10:14can celebrate you when you're winning
  283. 10:16when they're losing is a phenomenal
  284. 10:18friend. Number five in the subtle way
  285. 10:21that people drain your energy is the
  286. 10:24situational friend. They show up when
  287. 10:26you're shining. They disappear when
  288. 10:28you're struggling.
  289. 10:30Here's the truth. Not all drains are
  290. 10:32obvious. Sometimes the people who take
  291. 10:34the most energy are the ones who smile
  292. 10:37at you the most. And that doesn't make
  293. 10:39them bad. It just means you have to get
  294. 10:42better at choosing where to pour.
  295. 10:45Because some people don't mean to drain
  296. 10:47you, they just haven't learned how to
  297. 10:49fill themselves. If you're ready to make
  298. 10:52this Valentine's Day one they'll always
  299. 10:54remember, show them how you feel with a
  300. 10:56gift from Pandora jewelry that unlocks
  301. 10:59something deeper. Their heartfelt
  302. 11:00charms, sparkling pieces, and engravable
  303. 11:03jewelry say all without saying a word. I
  304. 11:06love it when a gift has intention behind
  305. 11:07it. This year, I'm thinking about
  306. 11:09getting something for Roddy. Not just
  307. 11:11because it's Valentine's Day, but
  308. 11:12because I love finding little ways to
  309. 11:14appreciate her. Make it more than a gift
  310. 11:17this Valentine's Day with Pandora
  311. 11:19jewelry. From heartfelt charms to
  312. 11:21beautifully crafted rings and necklaces,
  313. 11:23each piece is designed to feel personal,
  314. 11:26intentional, and full of meaning. So,
  315. 11:28this Valentine's Day make it personal,
  316. 11:30make it memorable, and make it more than
  317. 11:32a gift with Pandora. Visit your local
  318. 11:34store or shop pandora.net today. Part
  319. 11:37three, the inner leaks. Now, let's flip
  320. 11:40it. Sometimes it's not them draining
  321. 11:43you,
  322. 11:44it's you draining yourself.
  323. 11:46You over give because you're scared of
  324. 11:48losing love.
  325. 11:50You say yes because you don't want to
  326. 11:52disappoint.
  327. 11:53You stay silent because you fear being
  328. 11:56labeled difficult. You confuse
  329. 11:58exhaustion with productivity. You
  330. 12:01mistake being busy for being valuable.
  331. 12:04You confuse being available for being
  332. 12:06kind.
  333. 12:07You mistake being agreeable for being
  334. 12:09good. You mistake being selfless for
  335. 12:12being loved. Ask yourself this,
  336. 12:15what part of you believes love must be
  337. 12:18earned through exhaustion? When you
  338. 12:20start seeing where your own leaks are,
  339. 12:23you realize protecting your energy isn't
  340. 12:26about cutting people off.
  341. 12:29It's about stopping the self-betrayal.
  342. 12:32So many of us think our energy is being
  343. 12:35drained, our energy is being used, our
  344. 12:36energy is being exploited, and in
  345. 12:39reality, we're the ones allowing access.
  346. 12:43If every time you get home, someone's
  347. 12:45already in your house because you told
  348. 12:47them where the key was hidden,
  349. 12:48is that your responsibility or theirs?
  350. 12:51If someone always expects you to be
  351. 12:52there for them because you always change
  352. 12:54your plans to show up,
  353. 12:56is that your responsibility or theirs?
  354. 12:59People will only take advantage of you
  355. 13:03to the extent you allow them access to
  356. 13:06you.
  357. 13:06If you're always available because you
  358. 13:09think that means you're kind, people
  359. 13:11will take advantage of that.
  360. 13:14If you're always around and flexible to
  361. 13:17show that you're nice, people will take
  362. 13:20advantage of you.
  363. 13:22People may like you because you're
  364. 13:24available,
  365. 13:25but people will respect you
  366. 13:27when access to you is protected.
  367. 13:30When you have boundaries, when you know
  368. 13:32who you are, when you know what your
  369. 13:34priorities are, what you can and can't
  370. 13:36do. If you're scared to say no to a
  371. 13:38friend because you feel they're going to
  372. 13:40be hurt or upset, chances are you're not
  373. 13:44actually that close to them. Because if
  374. 13:45you're close, your no should be
  375. 13:48understood as I really can't do this,
  376. 13:52not that I don't care.
  377. 13:54Because if you're close and you said no,
  378. 13:56chances are you had something really
  379. 13:58important come up.
  380. 14:00Part four, how to protect your energy
  381. 14:02without becoming cold. Look, let's get
  382. 14:05practical.
  383. 14:06I think it's really hard to say no
  384. 14:08without feeling like you're coming
  385. 14:10across cold. It's really hard to set a
  386. 14:12boundary without feeling like you think
  387. 14:14you're more important. It's really hard
  388. 14:16to say you have a priority without
  389. 14:18making the other person feel
  390. 14:20insignificant. So here's what I use. I
  391. 14:23call it the three boundary rule.
  392. 14:26Number one, physical boundaries. Space
  393. 14:29and time. Who gets your mornings? Who
  394. 14:32gets your weekends?
  395. 14:34Delayed replies are self-care. Alone
  396. 14:36time is protection, not isolation. If
  397. 14:40you know what times and days are I
  398. 14:42remember I have a really good friend
  399. 14:43actually who's one of my closest friends
  400. 14:44in LA and I remember when I first met
  401. 14:46him I told him I was like, "Weekends are
  402. 14:48really for my wife. I'm free a couple of
  403. 14:50weekday evenings, but on the weekends I
  404. 14:51love spending time with Radi."
  405. 14:54And we like spending time with our
  406. 14:55couple friends so we can all spend time
  407. 14:57together. And this was a guy friend that
  408. 14:59I spend one-on-one time with.
  409. 15:01All of a sudden it made it really clear
  410. 15:03when I was available and when I wasn't.
  411. 15:05And now we spend time together on
  412. 15:07weeknights and we love it. It's awesome.
  413. 15:09Number two, emotional boundaries. Stop
  414. 15:13absorbing moods that aren't yours. Just
  415. 15:16because someone's anxious doesn't mean
  416. 15:17you have to be. You can hold compassion
  417. 15:20without carrying their chaos.
  418. 15:23Sometimes I realized that I had a few
  419. 15:25friends who would text me like
  420. 15:26everything was an emergency. And in the
  421. 15:28beginning I saw it as being a good
  422. 15:30friend to always be around. This would
  423. 15:33be midnight, 1:00 a.m., canceling a
  424. 15:35meeting, in between work.
  425. 15:37And every time I spoke to them I
  426. 15:38realized it wasn't that big an
  427. 15:39emergency. And then I wouldn't hear
  428. 15:41about them or from them for months. And
  429. 15:44I thought to myself, wait a minute. How
  430. 15:46can I react to this better? So now when
  431. 15:48they erratically reach out, I'll message
  432. 15:50back and say, "Hey, I've got time in 3
  433. 15:51days. We can talk properly." And that's
  434. 15:53true. I'm not lying. I'm not playing
  435. 15:54hard to get. It's reality. And all of a
  436. 15:57sudden when I'll message them in 3 days
  437. 15:59to check in, they'll say, "Oh yeah, no
  438. 16:00worries. I I I figured it out."
  439. 16:03All of a sudden I'm able to protect my
  440. 16:05emotional boundaries.
  441. 16:06Number three, energetic boundaries. This
  442. 16:09is the quiet spiritual layer.
  443. 16:11Prayer, meditation, nature, stillness.
  444. 16:15All of these cleanse the residue of
  445. 16:18other people's energy.
  446. 16:20When you don't do this, you carry
  447. 16:22invisible clutter. You start confusing
  448. 16:25other people's emotions for your own.
  449. 16:29This resonated with me strongly. A lot
  450. 16:30of people ask me, "Jay, how do you carry
  451. 16:33so many people's stories and so much
  452. 16:36people's weight?"
  453. 16:37And I've two answers.
  454. 16:39The first is I have a very clear
  455. 16:40practice that allows me to constantly
  456. 16:43cleanse and heal myself. My meditation
  457. 16:45practice, my morning routine, my prayer.
  458. 16:48And the second is that I don't believe
  459. 16:50I'm holding it. The universe is, God is.
  460. 16:52There's something much bigger than me
  461. 16:54that's holding that, but I've got to be
  462. 16:56connected to that in order for it to be
  463. 16:59held.
  464. 17:00Here are a few practical tools that will
  465. 17:02help you.
  466. 17:03Number one, the pause test. If you dread
  467. 17:06replying, you're probably overextending.
  468. 17:10When you're overthinking a text,
  469. 17:12when you're overwhelmed
  470. 17:15by someone's response, it's showing you
  471. 17:17that there's something about that
  472. 17:19relationship that doesn't have the right
  473. 17:20energy.
  474. 17:22Because if someone's really in your life
  475. 17:23for all the right reasons, you don't
  476. 17:25feel that tension with them. Recognize
  477. 17:27that there's something that needs to be
  478. 17:29clarified in this relationship or
  479. 17:31distance is probably better.
  480. 17:33The next practical step is called the
  481. 17:35energy audit. Each week, write down what
  482. 17:38gives and what drains. Notice the
  483. 17:41patterns. And also be really clear about
  484. 17:43how much energy you actually have to
  485. 17:45expend. I always say to my team, I can
  486. 17:47probably do around two work events a
  487. 17:49week when I'm at my best energy. That's
  488. 17:53the most I want to do. And when I have
  489. 17:55that capacity, I now become selective.
  490. 17:57Whereas if I just said, "Yeah, sure,
  491. 17:59I'll go to any work events." I could be
  492. 18:00at work events five to six nights a week
  493. 18:02and I'd have no energy whatsoever.
  494. 18:05Number three, the 24-hour rule.
  495. 18:08Don't say yes right away.
  496. 18:10Buy yourself the space to check your
  497. 18:13energy before committing. If you want to
  498. 18:15stop draining your energy, try this.
  499. 18:18When someone asks you if you can do
  500. 18:19something, you check your calendar, but
  501. 18:22you rarely check your energy.
  502. 18:24At the same time as checking your
  503. 18:25calendar and your time, check your
  504. 18:27energy.
  505. 18:28Do you want to show up there at 50%?
  506. 18:31Will that be enough? Do you want to show
  507. 18:32up at 100%? Is that where you want to be
  508. 18:35at? Knowing what level of energy is as
  509. 18:37important as knowing the amount of time
  510. 18:39you have. Remember that boundaries
  511. 18:42aren't rejection, they're clarity.
  512. 18:45They tell others where you end and they
  513. 18:47begin.
  514. 18:48Because your peace is not up for
  515. 18:50negotiation. And if someone sees your
  516. 18:53clarity as rejection, that says more
  517. 18:55about them than it does about you.
  518. 18:58Boundaries don't mean you don't care,
  519. 19:01they mean you finally care about
  520. 19:02yourself as well.
  521. 19:04Boundaries don't make you selfish, they
  522. 19:06make you self-respecting.
  523. 19:09Boundaries don't make you hard to love,
  524. 19:11they make you harder to manipulate.
  525. 19:14And boundaries don't control others,
  526. 19:17they remind you that you can only
  527. 19:19control yourself. Part five, reclaiming
  528. 19:23your light. So, here's the truth.
  529. 19:26You can be compassionate and still have
  530. 19:28boundaries.
  531. 19:30You can be loving and still say no.
  532. 19:33You can care deeply and still protect
  533. 19:36your peace
  534. 19:37because your energy is sacred. And the
  535. 19:39world doesn't need more drained,
  536. 19:41depleted, overgiving people. It needs
  537. 19:45people who are alive, aligned, and lit
  538. 19:48from within.
  539. 19:50Take a deep breath.
  540. 19:52Breathe in energy that nourishes you.
  541. 19:54Breathe out energy that depletes you.
  542. 19:58You don't owe anyone your burnout. You
  543. 20:02owe yourself your peace.
  544. 20:05I think it's so important for us to
  545. 20:07realize
  546. 20:08that when you give people your
  547. 20:12leftovers,
  548. 20:14you're actually not being able to give
  549. 20:16your best to them.
  550. 20:17And that's when you feel inadequate and
  551. 20:20they don't feel good either.
  552. 20:22If I'm exhausted and I can't make it to
  553. 20:24an event tomorrow night
  554. 20:26and I don't go,
  555. 20:29I've just saved someone from having to
  556. 20:30deal with my fatigue.
  557. 20:33And if something's really important to
  558. 20:35me, I can actually prepare my energy to
  559. 20:38make sure I can be my best there. Now,
  560. 20:40there are plenty of things that I go to
  561. 20:42where I'm 50% of myself, but I know that
  562. 20:45that's all that's required and that's
  563. 20:47okay. And if I don't think I can bring
  564. 20:49my best to something that needs me to be
  565. 20:51at my best, I sure don't want to show up
  566. 20:54because I know what it requires. So,
  567. 20:56it's really important that you create
  568. 20:59rules and systems because when you get
  569. 21:01tired, when you get frustrated, when you
  570. 21:03get annoyed, that's how you protect
  571. 21:05yourself. So, because I know I only do
  572. 21:07two work events a night, I can only
  573. 21:10spend one
  574. 21:11evening with a group. I know that I need
  575. 21:14to work out every day and play some
  576. 21:16pickleball two times a week.
  577. 21:19That starts to give me rules and systems
  578. 21:21to protect my energy. And then I can
  579. 21:24monitor that for a month and see how I
  580. 21:25feel.
  581. 21:26It's so important to also know that your
  582. 21:28priorities can shift in seasons. There
  583. 21:31may be a season where it's all about
  584. 21:32going out. There may be a season where
  585. 21:34it's all about staying in. There may be
  586. 21:36a season where it's all about building.
  587. 21:39There may be a season where it's all
  588. 21:40about breakthrough.
  589. 21:41It's up to you to define the season and
  590. 21:44the priorities that come with that
  591. 21:46season, not keep running behind everyone
  592. 21:49else's priorities, because they'll be
  593. 21:51endless. They'll be limitless.
  594. 21:53You could say yes to everyone,
  595. 21:56let them down, and let yourself down,
  596. 22:00because you felt drained, because you
  597. 22:02felt fatigued, because you didn't have
  598. 22:04the right energy. And then you feel even
  599. 22:06more upset, because you think, "Wait a
  600. 22:08minute, I came out even when I was
  601. 22:09tired, and you're still upset with me?"
  602. 22:12Which fractures your relationship even
  603. 22:14more.
  604. 22:15It would have been better to say no,
  605. 22:16protect the relationship, and come back
  606. 22:18stronger.
  607. 22:19Stop thinking that saying no is you
  608. 22:23being mean.
  609. 22:24Stop thinking that you saying no is
  610. 22:27saying you don't care. Stop thinking
  611. 22:29that you saying no is saying you're not
  612. 22:32important. No doesn't mean any of those
  613. 22:35things.
  614. 22:36It can also mean, "I don't have enough
  615. 22:39energy.
  616. 22:40I'm not ready to go out. I don't feel my
  617. 22:42best."
  618. 22:44Or it can simply mean, "No."
  619. 22:47If this episode helped you protect your
  620. 22:49energy today, share it with someone who
  621. 22:51needs to hear this, too, because healing
  622. 22:53energy, like light, multiplies when
  623. 22:57shared. Thank you so much for listening
  624. 22:59to today. Remember, I'm always rooting
  625. 23:01for you. I'm forever in your corner, and
  626. 23:04don't forget your energy is your
  627. 23:05currency. Manage it like you manage your
  628. 23:08money, your time, and it will make a
  629. 23:11difference. See you soon. If you love
  630. 23:13this episode, you'll love my
  631. 23:14conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza on
  632. 23:17why stressing and overthinking
  633. 23:19negatively impacts your brain and heart,
  634. 23:22and how to change your habits that are
  635. 23:24on autopilot. Listen to it right now.
  636. 23:27How many times do we have to forget
  637. 23:29until we stop forgetting and start
  638. 23:31remembering? That's the moment of
  639. 23:33change. Who cares how many times you
  640. 23:35fell off the bicycle if you ride the
  641. 23:36bicycle now? You ride the bike.

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