That Is How You Break Out Of The Nice Guy Syndrome — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Okay, so today's lesson is going to be
2. 0:02how to kill the nice guy in you. All
3. 0:04right?
4. 0:05So, [sighs]
5. 0:05bit of introduction, I used to be a nice
6. 0:07guy. Yeah, yeah. For the people that
7. 0:09follows me on Twitter, I don't think
8. 0:10they know
9. 0:11>> [laughter]
10. 0:11>> they believe that, but whatever.
11. 0:13And it's very hard to unwire that,
12. 0:16especially when you've been conditioned
13. 0:17all the time and all these years
14. 0:20to be polite, have manners. It's not a
15. 0:21bad thing to do or to be with other
16. 0:23people, but when it comes to woman, that
17. 0:25will play against you. And the thing is,
18. 0:27I was raised Catholic. I spent my whole
19. 0:30primary years in Catholic school. So, if
20. 0:32you're a Christian and you think that
21. 0:33like you can't not be a bit more,
22. 0:36let's say, um
23. 0:37polarizing, you can. But, you need to
24. 0:40put yourself in the shoes of someone
25. 0:42that is willing to change, willing to
26. 0:43break your inner boundaries. Because
27. 0:45really, you have the key to your own
28. 0:47prison. But, you know, you need to find
29. 0:50them. All right? Before I give you a few
30. 0:52examples on how I broke the nice guy in
31. 0:54me.
32. 0:55Think about it this way.
33. 0:58The way you how you can break the nice
34. 1:01guy in you is by being a bit of more
35. 1:03obnoxious. Be
36. 1:05unfiltered, not only what you say, but
37. 1:08in also in what you do.
38. 1:10Because it is a great litmus test
39. 1:13as to where you stand with the chick.
40. 1:15All right? So, say for example, you say
41. 1:16something that is borderline and the
42. 1:19chick be like,
43. 1:21"Ah, [ __ ] this guy. I ain't you know,
44. 1:23this is not for me."
45. 1:24Well,
46. 1:25great. You basically cleared her out of
47. 1:27your, you know, of your prospect list.
48. 1:29Why?
49. 1:30Because
50. 1:33if you say something that is a bit,
51. 1:36>> [clears throat]
52. 1:36>> let's say, vulgar or trivial or
53. 1:38whatever, what happens is
54. 1:40it will filter out the people that are
55. 1:42just wanting your attention for nothing,
56. 1:43all right? Like they don't take you that
57. 1:44seriously. But, if a girl really likes
58. 1:46you, she'll give you always the benefit
59. 1:48of the doubt. Or she's like, you know,
60. 1:50like when Chad says something, right?
61. 1:52And you're like, and he can get away
62. 1:53with everything. Well, because the girl
63. 1:54likes him, no matter what he says, it
64. 1:55doesn't matter because it's coming from
65. 1:57him. And then you have the girls in the
66. 1:59middle. So when you're being ballsy,
67. 2:01when you take risks, what it does is
68. 2:04that the girl in the middle on the fence
69. 2:06is like if you do it and you say it with
70. 2:07confidence, what happens is that oh my
71. 2:10god, you can actually say that in
72. 2:11confidence? I mean that they he got away
73. 2:13saying that before. Must have high value
74. 2:16because if she doesn't know exactly
75. 2:17where you're coming from and you are
76. 2:19brash or you're very much
77. 2:21in your face and being so comfortable
78. 2:23with it, it means that you were already
79. 2:25socially accepted. Women project social
80. 2:27acceptance in your behavior because
81. 2:30that's the way they function. They
82. 2:31function as I can only be having a
83. 2:33certain way if it has been socially
84. 2:34accepted. So for you to be having a
85. 2:36certain way and get away with it by you
86. 2:39being comfortable and you not
87. 2:41backing down whenever you do or say
88. 2:43something, they'll feel oh he must be
89. 2:44high value because he got away with it.
90. 2:46So it's EV plus, expected value plus. So
91. 2:49by you being ballsy, by you being brash,
92. 2:50by you taking risk, what it shows to the
93. 2:53girl is you're used to doing that [ __ ]
94. 2:54All right.
95. 2:56So I'll give you a few examples as to
96. 2:59how over the course of the years
97. 3:00different experience, positive and
98. 3:02negative,
99. 3:03that actually played well for me. Okay?
100. 3:07So
101. 3:08before I say anything here, this is a
102. 3:09disclaimer. This is not for you to
103. 3:12sexually assault women. Okay? But I
104. 3:14understand how the line can be very
105. 3:16blurry. And the thing is sometimes you
106. 3:18have to take a little bit of risk. And
107. 3:20the thing is even in me too and
108. 3:22everything,
109. 3:23the guys are not taking any risk anymore
110. 3:24and the women hate it because, you know,
111. 3:26it just shows that they're kind of
112. 3:28feminine. Anyway, so the first one. So I
113. 3:30was at university in France and
114. 3:33um I remember there was this girl
115. 3:35walking in front of me.
116. 3:37Oh, she was blonde, she was fit,
117. 3:38everything, whatever. Anyway, and
118. 3:41she was rolling her ass.
119. 3:43So I was walking past, you know, and
120. 3:45it's like just behind her and I slapped
121. 3:47her ass.
122. 3:48And she looked at me and she's like
123. 3:52Who said that you suck my ass?
124. 3:55And I said to her in French, let me
125. 3:56translate that a bit. It's like when you
126. 3:58roll your ass like that, you're only
127. 3:59asking for it, you know that.
128. 4:01And then I give her that look, you know,
129. 4:02it's that composite look.
130. 4:06And then she's like, okay, now he gets
131. 4:08me, I get him. And because I held the
132. 4:11[ __ ] line, she realized that
133. 4:13actually, oh, he's one of them guys. And
134. 4:15that same day
135. 4:16>> [laughter]
136. 4:17>> I ended up in the car at the parking lot
137. 4:19of Carrefour. You know, Carrefour is a
138. 4:20bit like, think about Walmart in the US
139. 4:23or think about Sainsbury in the UK.
140. 4:26Bang, you're out.
141. 4:28Yeah, and then there was a bit of fun in
142. 4:29the car and, you know, and there was
143. 4:31like at one point a a mother with her
144. 4:33kid just parking next to us and the kid
145. 4:35was trying to see and it's like
146. 4:37you know, and she's like the mom was
147. 4:38like, no, no, no, move away, move away.
148. 4:39Anyway, ended up being my girlfriend for
149. 4:42a few weeks.
150. 4:43Then nothing happened. But then you may
151. 4:45say to me, well, not my type of girl,
152. 4:46course, not my type of girl. Well, the
153. 4:48thing is, you know what, that girl is
154. 4:49actually right now I can't really talk
155. 4:51about that girl. I mean, I'm still
156. 4:52friends with her, but
157. 4:54she's in the public eye and she's having
158. 4:56a high-profile job. And she's currently
159. 4:58married to actually a guy that's in the
160. 5:00top 1%. So, it's not because she looks
161. 5:04proper that she has not done that type
162. 5:07of [ __ ] but you know, she went through
163. 5:08a bad boy phase. And that's coming from
164. 5:10me that I've been always taught to be
165. 5:13respectful. It's like, yeah, okay, the
166. 5:15more respectful you are to a woman, the
167. 5:16more that she'll think that you're a
168. 5:17[ __ ] okay? That's the first thing. The
169. 5:19second story is in England. I was at a
170. 5:21bar after work drinks and
171. 5:24I saw all these girls, okay, think about
172. 5:26like a prototype, like Essex girls,
173. 5:28whatever, like Essex girl, I can't like
174. 5:30the girl that I trust a bit slaggy.
175. 5:33And a pure slaggy, you know, all the
176. 5:34extensions, the fillers, you know,
177. 5:37Barbie doll [ __ ] Anyway, and they
178. 5:39were like three out of four of them were
179. 5:41wearing like cougar tops. Like cougar
180. 5:43tops and
181. 5:44I said, I I need to take a picture of
182. 5:45that. But I tried to sneak one picture,
183. 5:47you know, just kind of like
184. 5:49And then one of them
185. 5:50found me
186. 5:52taking the picture and they said, "Are
187. 5:53you taking a picture of us?"
188. 5:55And [sighs and gasps] then I was caught
189. 5:56off guard, right? I was I thought I was
190. 5:58being, you know, how you call it, uh
191. 6:02quiet and discreet. Uh so much for that.
192. 6:05So, "Are you taking a picture of us?" I
193. 6:06was like, "Well,
194. 6:08isn't that what you're supposed to do
195. 6:08when you're having a safari?" Looking at
196. 6:10their dress and chewing with them, you
197. 6:12know.
198. 6:14>> [laughter]
199. 6:14>> And the funny thing is they laughed.
200. 6:16They laughed because I thought, "My god,
201. 6:17the cheek this guy has to even say and
202. 6:19do something that is not socially
203. 6:21acceptable and actually just go and roll
204. 6:24with it." You know, that's the thing.
205. 6:26All right. Third one is
206. 6:28This one was like going on a date.
207. 6:30That's why I [ __ ] hate dates and
208. 6:31[ __ ] It's like because it's very
209. 6:34uh
210. 6:36plain and boring and, you know, you
211. 6:38can't do as many crazy shits what you do
212. 6:40on night game. Anyway. And
213. 6:43with this one is like I knew that she
214. 6:44wanted to take it slow in terms of, you
215. 6:46know, getting to know one another. I
216. 6:48need to feel emotionally safe. Yeah,
217. 6:49yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not your [ __ ]
218. 6:51nanny, [ __ ] But, anyway, I pretended
219. 6:53that actually.
220. 6:54Uh that was part of the game. And then
221. 6:55what I did is
222. 6:57I poked the boundaries.
223. 6:59I went to see what I could get away
224. 7:00with.
225. 7:01Because people say, "Oh yeah, you got to
226. 7:02respect a woman's boundaries." No, no,
227. 7:04no, no, no. A woman boundary is a
228. 7:06function upon her attraction to you. The
229. 7:07more attracted she is to you, the less
230. 7:09boundary she has. Simple as that, right?
231. 7:11So, the more boundary she has with you,
232. 7:12that means that she's not that attracted
233. 7:14to you because if it's not you, someone
234. 7:16else will have less of a boundary. The
235. 7:17idea and the fallacy that guys think is
236. 7:20that woman's emotional state being
237. 7:22constant because their emotion will
238. 7:23define the scope of the boundaries she
239. 7:25has with you. So,
240. 7:27she went along at first, but then she
241. 7:29was like, "No, no, no, I can't do it
242. 7:30anymore." And I was like, "All right,
243. 7:32fine, fair enough." And then we ended up
244. 7:34on a date. I'm never going to see her
245. 7:35again. But, the point being is
246. 7:37>> [snorts]
247. 7:37>> you cannot know exactly how you can
248. 7:40navigate with a girl
249. 7:42by not poking those boundaries because
250. 7:44when you poke those boundaries it's a
251. 7:45way of you challenging her verbally. And
252. 7:47when you challenging her verbally, it
253. 7:49shows to her that you're not showing
254. 7:52that you're not taking what she says at
255. 7:53face value. When you always take what a
256. 7:55woman says at face value, it shows a
257. 7:57nice guy-ism.
258. 7:58All right?
259. 8:00And it will work it won't work, okay?
260. 8:02But the main reason why I say do those
261. 8:05type of stuff, be willing to break the
262. 8:07conventions, it is because those
263. 8:09conventions are what are conditioning
264. 8:11you to be too nice, to be too
265. 8:13respectful, to be too pandering
266. 8:16indirectly, really. And this is not like
267. 8:19a
268. 8:20advice for people that are been more
269. 8:22advanced in game or intermediate. It's
270. 8:23an advice for beginners because when
271. 8:25you're a nice guy you're a beginner,
272. 8:27okay? So you need to break that nice guy
273. 8:29[clears throat]
274. 8:30cocoon and you must not hide your dick.
275. 8:33And when you do that,
276. 8:35you're not looking for positive
277. 8:37outcomes. Great if you do have positive
278. 8:38outcome, but you're not looking for
279. 8:39them. You're looking
280. 8:42to get yourself comfortable in situation
281. 8:44where there's going to be pushback and
282. 8:46that you need to hold the [ __ ] line
283. 8:48because otherwise, whether it is in
284. 8:50texting, whether it is in your dates,
285. 8:52whatsoever, you'll be looking at
286. 8:55filling the rapport gap because you want
287. 8:57to make it work. And what happens is
288. 8:58when you want to make it work then
289. 8:59you're not a challenge to the girl.
290. 9:01That's why they [ __ ] hate nice guy
291. 9:03because they're boring, because they
292. 9:04don't create any emotional ups and
293. 9:06downs. And then you cannot be
294. 9:08emotionally relevant, therefore you
295. 9:09cannot have a second date or you cannot
296. 9:10have anything going forward. And for you
297. 9:13to be able to get to the next stage, you
298. 9:15need to put yourself out of your comfort
299. 9:17zone. You need to test and you need to
300. 9:19challenge the stuff that have been
301. 9:20taught to you. Okay?
302. 9:23It's the same thing like let me try and
303. 9:25find another example. Imagine someone is
304. 9:27trying to sell you something and they're
305. 9:29being overly nice. Then you know that
306. 9:31the person is so desperate to sell you
307. 9:34that [ __ ] because he's trying to seek
308. 9:35that rapport with you. But, however, if
309. 9:38let's say you deal with someone that is
310. 9:40kind of like almost rude to you, I mean,
311. 9:42it's pretty good coming from a
312. 9:43Frenchman, right? Then, you already
313. 9:45understand or feel that he doesn't need
314. 9:47your money.
315. 9:48And when he doesn't need your money,
316. 9:50you're more likely to trust him. And
317. 9:51well, it's the same thing with girls.
318. 9:53And I remember I was working in
319. 9:55cybersecurity a few years ago, and um
320. 9:58there were ex-Salesforce people
321. 10:01that came into the company. It was a big
322. 10:02company that got bought out by Oracle,
323. 10:04but I'm not going to say any more about
324. 10:05it. But, anyway, and they came in and
325. 10:07they had that arrogance. They had that
326. 10:09type of entitlement. But, why? It's
327. 10:11because they were trained at Salesforce.
328. 10:13Salesforce was a hot [ __ ] back then. And
329. 10:15Salesforce being the hot [ __ ] back then,
330. 10:16they didn't need to beg and plead for
331. 10:21the sale because everybody was buying
332. 10:23Salesforce. It was hot as cupcakes.
333. 10:26Well, that's the same thing. If you
334. 10:27don't believe you're Salesforce, then
335. 10:29you're more likely going to show that
336. 10:32you're some type of small-ass vendors
337. 10:34that is desperate for to get business.
338. 10:36And nobody likes to do business with
339. 10:37someone that is desperate. Okay, well,
340. 10:39it's the same thing. Being a nice guy is
341. 10:40showing desperation. Even though you may
342. 10:42not necessarily be desperate, that's
343. 10:43what you convey. That's what you
344. 10:44communicate. That's why it's important
345. 10:46for you to basically embrace a bit more
346. 10:48of that rudeness. Embrace a bit more of
347. 10:49that obnoxiousness. And then, what
348. 10:51happens is whenever you have interaction
349. 10:52with girls and there are conflict,
350. 10:54you're not going to try to always
351. 10:55appease the conflict. You're willing to
352. 10:57creating more tension than the tension
353. 10:58she creates. You're actually showing
354. 11:00her, "I've got the [ __ ] balls and
355. 11:02I've got the backbone to sustain that
356. 11:03shit." So, that is very important. And
357. 11:05the last thing I want to focus on is
358. 11:07like, you can learn as many
359. 11:10micro-tactics, text game this, or like,
360. 11:13"Oh, I'm going to use that line." And
361. 11:14and this and that. But, if your
362. 11:16hardwiring or your software and whatever
363. 11:19is inside your head is still conditioned
364. 11:21by that nice guy syndrome, it will fail
365. 11:23because whenever it's going to be
366. 11:24tension, whenever there's going to be a
367. 11:25test, whenever there's going to be an
368. 11:27uncertainty, you'll default back to that
369. 11:29mode of thinking. And this goes back to
370. 11:32conversation I had with a guy recently
371. 11:34saying
372. 11:35because I said to him, "Stop trying so
373. 11:37hard." because he was looking at the
374. 11:38macro tactics and everything. And I
375. 11:40said, "Just don't think. Just do what
376. 11:42you want to do." So, he was being
377. 11:43authentic, really. But because he's
378. 11:45still hardwiring into the I'm not taking
379. 11:48a risk. I don't want to break rapport.
380. 11:50Then he placates and panders to the
381. 11:52woman. So, even though he knows the
382. 11:54tactics, the strategy, and everything,
383. 11:56if his meta is not right, then you're
384. 11:59going to default to that mode. And
385. 12:02that's why you need to strengthen your
386. 12:05mental frame, okay? That's why I created
387. 12:08Masculine Meta is to make sure the guys
388. 12:10have that self-certainty, that how they
389. 12:13value themselves, how they can be
390. 12:16courageous, how they can self-accept
391. 12:18themselves, and how they can have that
392. 12:19masculine frame, that leadership, and
393. 12:21inspire respect.
394. 12:23So, then afterwards, whenever they
395. 12:25operate the game tactics, whatever, it
396. 12:28flows smoothly, all right? But again,
397. 12:31this advice is not for advanced or
398. 12:34intermediate because also it will depend
399. 12:35upon the girls, you know, what I say, if
400. 12:37you deal with higher-up girls, type of
401. 12:39stuff, you're more likely going to have
402. 12:40to be indirect. You're going to have to
403. 12:41be more subtle. But when you cannot
404. 12:44break the inner boundaries that stop you
405. 12:46from being ballsy, then what's going to
406. 12:49happen is you're always going to fail at
407. 12:52the first hurdle.
408. 12:53Okay?
409. 12:55All right. I hope that was helpful. And
410. 12:56if you want to check that course
411. 12:58Masculine Meta, that is there to break
412. 13:00you of that nice guy syndrome. I left it
413. 13:02on the link down below alongside the
414. 13:03fraternity community link, which once
415. 13:05you get Masculine Meta, you have access
416. 13:07to the fraternity. And if you want to
417. 13:08also improve the game side of things
418. 13:11with not only tactics, but just mindset
419. 13:13and just frameworks,
420. 13:16I left the closer link down on the
421. 13:18description below.
422. 13:19Anyway, on this one, I'll see you next
423. 13:20time.