TEMPO Skills Couple's Video 2 — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:01Okay. Hi, Pria and Raj. Thank you for
2. 0:04taking this time to come in for your
3. 0:06first um session. And we're just going
4. 0:09to um use a therapy that's called EFT.
5. 0:14>> Mhm.
6. 0:15>> And we're just going to um not solve
7. 0:17problems. We're just going to have a
8. 0:19discussion.
9. 0:20>> Okay.
10. 0:21>> Okay. So with something if when there's
11. 0:25a disagreement or a misunderstanding
12. 0:28in the marriage who speaks first about
13. 0:31it.
14. 0:32>> So most likely I would be speaking if
15. 0:34there is any disagreement or something
16. 0:36most likely. So I would be the problem
17. 0:38creator so I speak first.
18. 0:40>> So when there's a disagreement or
19. 0:42misunderstanding Raj is the first person
20. 0:45to speak about it. Is that correct for
21. 0:48you?
22. 0:48>> Yes ma'am.
23. 0:49>> Okay. Since Raj is the first one that
24. 0:52speaks, I want to speak to him first and
25. 0:55then I'mma come back and I'mma speak to
26. 0:57you about events that happened that you
27. 1:00feel were important and you felt that he
28. 1:03didn't listen to what you were saying.
29. 1:05Is that okay?
30. 1:07>> Yeah.
31. 1:07>> Mhm.
32. 1:08>> Okay. Raj, could you tell me about one
33. 1:11event, something that happened that you
34. 1:14were um it was a disagreement that you
35. 1:17um could tell tell me about briefly?
36. 1:20So generally I'm the person who wants to
37. 1:23be on time or before time. If we plan to
38. 1:27go for a movie night, I I would be ready
39. 1:30on time and she takes
40. 1:33much time to get ready to go outside. So
41. 1:36that gets
42. 1:38that g that gets me irritated and just I
43. 1:41shout at her like it's getting too late
44. 1:44to go outside. Please make it fast. I
45. 1:47yell at her. I said,
46. 1:49>> "Okay, Roz, so what I'm hearing you say
47. 1:52is that you plan a movie night. You
48. 1:55wanted to go out. You like to be early.
49. 1:58You don't like to be late. You don't
50. 2:00like to be on time. You want to get
51. 2:02there a little bit early,
52. 2:03>> but you feel that Pria did not watch the
53. 2:08time and it made you
54. 2:11>> a little upset.
55. 2:13>> Yeah.
56. 2:13>> So, how were you feeling inside? work.
57. 2:15Could you describe your emotions when
58. 2:17you were ready to go to the movie?
59. 2:19>> So, generally she takes time time to get
60. 2:24ready for her makeup or for the things.
61. 2:27I I just I just get frustrated. I shout
62. 2:31at her couple of times. If she's still
63. 2:34taking some time, I just don't talk with
64. 2:37her for some time for some time. At
65. 2:39least till we go to the movie. Yeah,
66. 2:41just day talking with her till we go for
67. 2:45movie. Yeah.
68. 2:46>> Okay, I can understand that. You want to
69. 2:49go to a movie. It's movie night. It's
70. 2:50the weekend. You're excited about it.
71. 2:54She's y'all you worked all week. She's
72. 2:57been at home with the kids
73. 2:58>> and you ready to just go to the movie so
74. 3:00y'all can enjoy time together.
75. 3:03>> But at the same time, she you feel
76. 3:06Pria's taking her time. She's not moving
77. 3:09fast enough. and you ready to go. You
78. 3:12worked hard. You want to relax.
79. 3:14>> You don't like to get to the movie late.
80. 3:16And she knows this, but you feel why is
81. 3:20prayer taking this time? And I could I
82. 3:22can sympathize with you about that. You
83. 3:25feeling a little upset. You're getting
84. 3:29agitated because you ready to just enjoy
85. 3:31time with her
86. 3:32>> and you feel she's taking her time. So
87. 3:35when you express to her you ready to go
88. 3:38to the movie what happens? How do you
89. 3:41react?
90. 3:45So I forget everything when she she's
91. 3:47beside me with kids. I just forget I my
92. 3:51anger goes on my I leave my anger and I
93. 3:54just speak with her
94. 3:56>> normally. So once she would be beside me
95. 3:59uh I lose my anger. I can be very
96. 4:02comfortable and I can talk with them.
97. 4:04>> Okay. So, when you came home and you
98. 4:06told her, "Let's go to the movies." You
99. 4:08had planned for movie night. What was
100. 4:10Priya doing? After you told her, "Let's
101. 4:14get to the movies."
102. 4:15>> She would be busy with her kitchen
103. 4:17things. She would she needs to get ready
104. 4:19her kids on time.
105. 4:21>> Okay.
106. 4:21>> Obviously,
107. 4:24I would be taking a nap when they when
108. 4:26she would be doing her work. I just take
109. 4:29maybe five minutes to get ready to put
110. 4:32for to get ready for the movie.
111. 4:34>> Okay. It take you about 5 minutes to get
112. 4:36ready for the movie. And how long does
113. 4:38it take per to get ready to get to go to
114. 4:42the movie?
115. 4:43>> Obviously, it takes time half an hour.
116. 4:45>> Half an hour.
117. 4:47>> Okay. I can see it takes you five
118. 4:48minutes. It's taking her 30 minutes. You
119. 4:52don't want to be late. You want to get
120. 4:53there early. Yeah. And it get you're
121. 4:55getting a little frustrated. You feel
122. 4:59a little angry.
123. 5:00>> Sitting waiting for a person half an
124. 5:02hour. That gets you obviously irritated,
125. 5:04right?
126. 5:05>> I can understand that. You've worked
127. 5:07hard and you just want to spend time
128. 5:08with her. But you think, okay, it takes
129. 5:11me five minutes
130. 5:12>> to get dressed and let's go cuz we don't
131. 5:14want to be late. It's traffic. But you
132. 5:17notice, yes, she's worked all day. Also,
133. 5:21she has the kids. She cooks and stuff.
134. 5:24and it's taking her a little bit more
135. 5:25time to get dressed,
136. 5:27>> right?
137. 5:27>> So, when you go to see what she's doing
138. 5:32and you feel she's still 30 minutes into
139. 5:35it, what do you do at that moment?
140. 5:39>> I just sit. I just think like I would be
141. 5:44sitting idle thinking why she's taking
142. 5:48every time this much time that's it.
143. 5:51>> Okay. And so when you notice 5 10
144. 5:53minutes has gone by, she's still putting
145. 5:56on makeup, checking on the kids, you're
146. 5:59just so ready to get to the movie and
147. 6:01you feel she's taking too much time.
148. 6:04>> Mhm.
149. 6:04>> And she knew this during the week. You
150. 6:06had already talked about going to the
151. 6:08movies and here comes the day. Let's go
152. 6:11to the movies. And what is she doing?
153. 6:14She's putting on makeup, talking with
154. 6:17the kids, checking on the clothes. You
155. 6:20just ready to go. So you just walked
156. 6:22away, sat down to kind of calm yourself
157. 6:24down because you were getting
158. 6:25frustrated.
159. 6:26>> Correct.
160. 6:27>> Okay.
161. 6:28>> So after some point of time, I just give
162. 6:30up and I just think let her come when
163. 6:33she's ready.
164. 6:34>> Okay. So
165. 6:36you know, she works hard also and she
166. 6:38has the kids and other responsibilities
167. 6:41and you're not angry angry with her.
168. 6:44You're just a time person.
169. 6:46You want her to notice, okay, I'm taking
170. 6:50five minutes. This is our movie time.
171. 6:52You would like for her to cut her time
172. 6:55getting dressed together?
173. 6:59>> Maybe. I think that's what over the
174. 7:02years I realized and
175. 7:05I cut down my anger on that and we now
176. 7:08we are working together to get the
177. 7:11things started sorted out.
178. 7:13>> Okay. So, I can understand both of you
179. 7:16work and on the weekend you plan a movie
180. 7:19time. Yeah.
181. 7:20>> And you would just want you spend a
182. 7:23little less time to get dressed to go to
183. 7:25the movies, maybe 5 minutes, and you
184. 7:28feel she's taking 30 minutes
185. 7:30>> and you want to get there early, not be
186. 7:33there late. So, you would just wish she
187. 7:35would take
188. 7:37>> be a little bit more considerate about
189. 7:39the timing it takes to get to the movies
190. 7:41to get there a little bit early. Is that
191. 7:43about right? Yes.
192. 7:45>> Okay, Tria. So, how do you feel about
193. 7:47that? He worked playing movie night. It
194. 7:51took him five minutes, but you also work
195. 7:54and you have household duties to do, the
196. 7:58kids to do, and you want to look good
197. 8:00for him. So, you decided, I'mma put on a
198. 8:03little makeup and it took you a little
199. 8:04bit more time. So, hearing him say he
200. 8:09wants to spend time with you, he playing
201. 8:11the movie. So how do you feel why he got
202. 8:15angry
203. 8:16>> that time? I don't feel anything. I I
204. 8:18agree with him.
205. 8:20>> You was angry.
206. 8:20>> I will not agree. I
207. 8:23>> I argue with him.
208. 8:25>> So y'all had a little argument.
209. 8:27>> So she will she will fight with me.
210. 8:29>> Uh everything I will explain. I'm doing
211. 8:32lot of things. Uh so I'm working. I'm
212. 8:35cleaning everything. So give me uh time.
213. 8:38give you more than a little time to get
214. 8:40yourself together.
215. 8:41>> I don't agree with the angeliness. I
216. 8:44argue with him.
217. 8:45>> Okay, so we're going to step back for a
218. 8:48little moment. Um, Raj has explained
219. 8:51deep movie night is important to him. He
220. 8:55likes to get to the movie early and you
221. 8:58at the same time you like movie night
222. 9:00too.
223. 9:01>> But you feel I worked hard. I've cooked.
224. 9:04I work with the kids. You want to put a
225. 9:06little makeup on and take a little time
226. 9:08and relax to get ready to go to the
227. 9:10movie.
228. 9:11>> Okay. Can you um tell me about something
229. 9:14that happened that was important to you
230. 9:17>> and you felt
231. 9:20upset,
232. 9:22angry
233. 9:23that that he wasn't thinking your thing
234. 9:27was important? Could you describe
235. 9:29something?
236. 9:39Like generally she's trying to tell you
237. 9:42that
238. 9:44the video
239. 9:49about the cooking
240. 9:51not cooking.
241. 9:53>> She's Yeah, she has got the
242. 9:55>> uh actually we like to visit most of the
243. 9:58places. Uh we like traveling everything.
244. 10:02We both like uh traveling visiting.
245. 10:05>> Okay.
246. 10:05>> But he likes only
247. 10:09capture the nature
248. 10:11>> enjoying with the nature everything in
249. 10:13the outside.
250. 10:14>> Okay.
251. 10:14>> So I like I want to capture myself on
252. 10:18that same uh location and I want to
253. 10:21capture my kids.
254. 10:22>> She wants to have the photographs with
255. 10:24everything
256. 10:24>> and I I need to spend that location with
257. 10:27my husband.
258. 10:28>> Okay. So on that time uh he is uh
259. 10:35I
260. 10:36>> so I gets irritated. Let me enjoy the
261. 10:39nature. We can take the photographs
262. 10:41later.
263. 10:42>> She won't allow the photos.
264. 10:44>> Okay. So what I'm hearing Pria you're
265. 10:47saying is that y'all like to do nature
266. 10:50>> and take you like to take pictures. He
267. 10:53wants to enjoy the nature the outside.
268. 10:56But you on the other hand
269. 10:58>> in the future when I uh we will see that
270. 11:01location. Yeah, we went there. Uh
271. 11:05>> so you like to take pictures of
272. 11:07everywhere you go with you, the kids,
273. 11:10>> all of y'all together, but he doesn't
274. 11:12want to take pictures.
275. 11:13>> Yes. Yes.
276. 11:14>> He wants
277. 11:14>> I like my family
278. 11:17picture.
279. 11:18>> Okay. You do a family picture. He wants
280. 11:20to just enjoy the moment.
281. 11:22>> My son won't allow that one.
282. 11:24>> So that makes you feel
283. 11:27How do you feel when he doesn't want to?
284. 11:29>> Every time I feelad
285. 11:31bad,
286. 11:32>> you feel bad.
287. 11:32>> Sad.
288. 11:33>> Sad.
289. 11:34>> Okay. So when you feeling
290. 11:36>> the next time, the next 10 minutes he
291. 11:39agree that one. Okay. Come. Come. We
292. 11:43will take picture. That time my mood is
293. 11:46uh upset.
294. 11:48>> Okay. So you're upset. You want to take
295. 11:51a family picture. That's important to
296. 11:53you
297. 11:54>> because you want to show your kids
298. 11:55later. Hey, we went to this place. We
299. 11:57took this picture together as a family.
300. 11:59>> The picture will take time. One minute.
301. 12:02The argument, the argument will take a
302. 12:05lot of time.
303. 12:07>> So, you just want one minute to take a
304. 12:09picture and you getting a little angry
305. 12:11because he don't want to take a picture.
306. 12:13He just want to enjoy nature.
307. 12:14>> The discuss will take uh 5 to 10
308. 12:17minutes. The picture will take 1 minute.
309. 12:19So when you ready to take that picture,
310. 12:22what is he doing? You're saying let's
311. 12:24take a picture. What do he do?
312. 12:28>> Just deleted it.
313. 12:30>> He just what?
314. 12:31>> Uh let me see the things. Not it's not
315. 12:34the picture. I have just enjoy the
316. 12:37nature. So we have come here not to take
317. 12:39the pictures. Just see the things. Enjoy
318. 12:41the things.
319. 12:42>> So y'all have you ready to take the
320. 12:44picture?
321. 12:45>> And he's like, "No, let's enjoy the
322. 12:47moment. Let's not take this
323. 12:49>> we will go the trips for families not
324. 12:53yeah with families we we will go four
325. 12:56families three families so they are
326. 12:59capturing everything
327. 13:01>> they they're enjoying with the family
328. 13:03and they are capturing with photos but I
329. 13:07understand yeah when I will ask him he
330. 13:12won't allow that one that time I I feel
331. 13:15very sad
332. 13:17>> I understand your sadness. It's a family
333. 13:20trip. It's other families. All the other
334. 13:22families are taking pictures together
335. 13:25and he wants to enjoy the moment. You
336. 13:27want to take one man to take a picture.
337. 13:30>> He's enjoying nature.
338. 13:33>> So, you're getting upset and you wanted
339. 13:37him to just take the picture.
340. 13:39>> So, when he just turns away enjoying
341. 13:43nature,
342. 13:44>> Yes. you're feeling a little upset. So,
343. 13:48>> what do you do? Do you still take the
344. 13:50picture with your sometimes with the
345. 13:51kids?
346. 13:52>> Yes. So, uh I take pictures otherwise
347. 13:56I don't mind.
348. 13:59>> So, Raj,
349. 14:00>> you've heard her say she likes taking
350. 14:03pictures, a family picture that's
351. 14:05important to her. To her, one minute,
352. 14:08take the picture and you can still enjoy
353. 14:10nature. So when you hear her saying
354. 14:12she's feeling sad and it's getting her a
355. 14:15little upset because you didn't want to
356. 14:17take the picture. So how do you feel now
357. 14:21when you hear her say that how important
358. 14:24the picture is for her?
359. 14:26>> Yeah. Initially like
360. 14:29>> I want to enjoy the nature.
361. 14:31>> So she gets upset after after some time
362. 14:35I realized that okay we we came for an
363. 14:38outing to enjoy. I just I just don't
364. 14:41like being sad because she being sad.
365. 14:46>> So, finally I I I get
366. 14:49>> the picture. Yeah.
367. 14:51>> Okay. So, I'm going to do a recap of our
368. 14:55session today.
369. 14:57I The first question I I started out
370. 15:00with who speaks first when there's a
371. 15:02disagreement about something or you're
372. 15:04upset and Rod says he speaks first. Yes.
373. 15:08And then he mentioned a moment when he
374. 15:10wanted to do movie night, which is on on
375. 15:13the weekend. He says it takes him about
376. 15:165 minutes to get ready and he likes to
377. 15:19get to the movie early. He doesn't like
378. 15:21to arrive on time or late. And he said
379. 15:24he felt that you would take 30 minutes a
380. 15:26little bit longer, but he also know that
381. 15:29you work also and you work with the
382. 15:31kids, you have the household duties to
383. 15:34do. And while he was a little
384. 15:36frustrated, you was taking longer to get
385. 15:39dressed to go to movie night, you just
386. 15:42wanted him to know, yes, I want to do
387. 15:44movie night also, but I wanted to just
388. 15:47get a little makeup on, feel a little
389. 15:49bit special to enjoy movie time
390. 15:53together.
391. 15:54And then you also said that you love
392. 15:58taking family pictures. He loves
393. 16:00enjoying enjoying nature. And when you
394. 16:03go places, you have a good time, but you
395. 16:06get a little upset because you want one
396. 16:08minute to take the family picture. And
397. 16:10he wants to just enjoy nature, look
398. 16:13around. He doesn't really like taking
399. 16:15the pictures, but then he realizes you
400. 16:18love to take the pictures. And other
401. 16:20families are with you
402. 16:22>> and they're taking pictures. So, he do
403. 16:24decide, I'mma take the picture. But for
404. 16:27that moment, it was important to you.
405. 16:29Yes. you were expressing your emotion.
406. 16:32It made you a little upset because you
407. 16:34were feeling that that wasn't important
408. 16:37to him. It was important to you. But
409. 16:39then y'all did take the picture. So on
410. 16:42our next session, we just going to speak
411. 16:44a little bit more about expressing our
412. 16:47emotions and how we can come to an
413. 16:50agreement when we do have disagreements.
414. 16:53Okay.
415. 16:53>> Is that okay?
416. 16:54>> Yeah.
417. 16:55>> Thank you.
418. 16:56>> Thank you.