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TATALIVE #47 - Не знаю чего хочу. Куда себя направить? Мужчина-Весы #ньюйорк #психологиямужчин — Transcript

by Психолог Тата Феодориди · 3,802 words · 602 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I hope you’ve broken a little sweat
0:01there. Well, why not?
0:02The cameraman really tried not to get
0:04distracted.
0:04Why? Well, that’s me. My eyes are
0:06darting around all the time, too. Hello
0:08. Hello, my dear, magnificent, gorgeous
0:10, most beautiful, most curious ones.
0:13And on your screens once again is Tata,
0:15Tata Tatala. And, strictly speaking,
0:17it’s me, Tata Fedridia. I’m a
0:20psychologist, a psychotherapist, living
0:22, thriving, and enjoying my life. What
0:24are you showing me, Natasha?
0:26I want you to walk over here. Yes, and
0:27then I’m enjoying my life in the city
0:29. In beautiful New York. Today my
0:31friend Natasha is behind the camera.
0:34And we’re walking, guys, I’ll be
0:36honest, in probably the most luxurious
0:38location in this city. I can't, I can't
0:42even look properly at the camera, guys.
0:45I’m just walking around and soaking
0:46in these views. There. Yes,
0:49how, how pleasant it is. And why is
0:51that? Because we’ve launched a series
0:54of videos about men of different zodiac
0:56signs and about relationships. Actually
0:59, when Natasha and I film, we usually
1:01break down relationship topics. We
1:03discuss them a lot behind the scenes
1:04too. And I think it’s very
1:07interesting in such, you know, a lively
1:09, spontaneous, and even light, casual
1:12conversation. If you like this format,
1:16you know what to do. Support us. We
1:19live for your feedback, your comments,
1:21and your likes. That’s everything
1:24that gives us life-giving energy. Today
1:29I want to talk to you about the crisis
1:31of not knowing where to put yourself,
1:33what you want, what you don't want,
1:35what you want but don't need, what you
1:36want but don't know, and what you know
1:38but don't want. And all that sort of
1:42thing. So, today we will start with
1:46this story and then we’ll talk about
1:47a man of a zodiac sign. Libra. Who was
1:51waiting for Libra? Most of all, those
1:53who were writing "Libra, Libra, Libra."
1:55Where is Libra? Be sure to check in
1:57below. I actually want to ask you,
1:59Natasha, first, because you just told
2:01me behind the scenes: "Uncharted
2:03territory, I've always known what I
2:05wanted." Tell us, share this feeling. I
2:08have a very uncharted feeling that I
2:10was born with the knowledge of what I
2:11want. At the same time, I always want
2:13different things.
2:14Uh-huh.
2:15But do you always know what that is?
2:17Even if it's different, you know what
2:19it's about.
2:21And I think this is connected to a
2:22general interest in life and the ease
2:24of trying things. Meaning, I’m really
2:26not afraid to try. I can start
2:28everything from scratch, any endeavor.
2:30I believe in myself a lot. And
2:32everything that interests me, I do it
2:34and try it.
2:36And I believe that this is one of my
2:37talents. And I’ve been very lucky
2:39with that.
2:39100%. Yes, very lucky, because thanks
2:42to that, I never had trouble choosing
2:44where I want to study, where I want to
2:46work, what I want to do, or what my
2:47hobbies would be, because there’s
2:49always something very, very interesting
2:51.
2:51But I will add something that Natasha
2:53didn't mention: she always knows what
2:54she wants and always wants the best.
2:56That’s true.
2:57That’s true. Let's do it too.
2:58That’s true. Yes,
3:00let's do it too. I mean, if it’s a
3:01man, he’s the best. If it’s a job,
3:03it’s the best. If it’s a project,
3:05it’s the best. If it’s a contract,
3:07it’s the best. If it’s a city,
3:08it’s the best. meaning education
3:10education is the best. So let's start
3:14today by acknowledging that
3:15understanding what we want, where to go
3:17, or "I don't know what I want," cannot
3:19really begin, you know, abstractly. It
3:24will always come from the context of
3:26your personality. If you are a bright,
3:32emotional, active, and quite
3:33spontaneous person, you love to act
3:35sharply, you love to act intensely, you
3:38love to act impulsively, the
3:39probability that your desires are just
3:41the same as you are is incredibly high.
3:48If you, on the other hand, are more
3:50modest, more sedate, more grounded,
3:53much more emotionally stable, a more,
3:55you know, down-to-earth person, your
3:57desires, most likely, are also the same
3:59. And it is important to start with
4:03this. I love using this phrase: "Every
4:06dream has its own character, and every
4:09life has its own character. And what
4:11kind of character? The same as its
4:14owner." Therefore, your desire
4:18possesses the same character, the same
4:20values, and the same views that you
4:22possess. And usually, when a person
4:25faces this question: "I don't know what
4:27I want, I don't understand what I want.
4:29" This happens at a moment of crisis,
4:32when there is a feeling that I don't
4:33even know myself anymore. And those
4:37values and guidelines that I have been
4:38guided by for so many years seem to no
4:40longer be applicable to my life. And
4:44for everyone who recognized themselves
4:46in this, I have already conducted an
4:48incredible free masterclass called "
4:50Personality Fracture." If you are going
4:53through a crisis this year, you
4:55definitely need to watch it. The link
4:57will be below. And there I explain that
5:02if you are a person with this set of
5:03qualities, you should go here, with
5:05this set of qualities here, and with
5:06this set of qualities here, because
5:08there are already professional
5:09frameworks that you can rely on. I'm
5:14not here to tell you what you want or
5:16who you are. I'm here to help you find
5:21footing that can serve as incredible
5:23hints and just wonderful little anchors
5:24. That you'll drive into your own soil
5:30so you'll know—you'll understand—
5:31that it holds. It holds. So, we start
5:35with this: how do I understand what I
5:37want? Starting to get to know yourself
5:41during a crisis is especially important
5:43, trying new behaviors and actions,
5:45building a life on new values that
5:46perhaps weren't familiar or close to
5:48you before. Trying something new.
5:52Natasha just said it perfectly. I was
5:55never afraid to try new things, so
5:57there's no problem with knowing what I
5:59want. And that's exactly what I wanted
6:02to ask you, what is
6:05harder or where does the problem
6:07usually lie? Is it in not knowing what
6:10I want, or is it that I think I know,
6:12but I feel like I won't reach it, I
6:13can't do it? Well, for me
6:15both, Natasha, both stories,
6:17both stories. I'd also add this: for
6:21many people, the two things you
6:22mentioned are connected. When you form
6:27your "wants" in childhood—they are
6:29formed back then, they didn't just
6:31suddenly appear today—and you keep
6:33telling yourself: "no, no, no, no, no,
6:36no, no." What do you expect to be left
6:39of those wants? Forgive me, but nothing
6:42is left when you keep saying this is
6:44bad, this is bad, you can't want
6:46anything, you must only do what you
6:48have to, have to, have to, have to. You
6:50must only live through "must." Of
6:51course, if it's only about what's right
6:53, your ability to want will atrophy.
6:56But if you slowly start developing it,
6:58even with small things: I want this now
7:00, and then I want that. Wanted to go
7:02for a run—ran. Wanted to take a walk
7:05—walked. Wanted to drink coffee—
7:07drank it. Wanted to text a friend—
7:09texted. To go somewhere. Again, you
7:12went; you went to eat something, to
7:14cook something, a handstand, a movie
7:16for work, something about learning
7:18languages. It doesn't matter.
7:20That's so interesting. I didn't think
7:22that even such small actions help. Even
7:24things like where to go, taking a walk?
7:26My dear? There are so many people who
7:29look at a restaurant menu and haven't
7:30the slightest clue.
7:33And nothing
7:34of what I want, what I should choose.
7:40And even the simplest choices take,
7:41well, a huge amount of time and drain
7:43all your energy, because I don't know,
7:45I want this, and I want that, and I
7:47want this, and I want that too. It's
7:51quite a saga. Therefore, I repeat, you
7:53need to collect information about
7:55yourself, understand your structure,
7:57your type of thinking. I talk about
7:59this in my masterclass, definitely come
8:01. And then, on that foundation, explore
8:03yourself in the area that I will
8:05recommend to you. I repeat it because I
8:08understand that it works, and you will
8:10find yourself easier and faster. That's
8:12how it is. Just like that. Oh. So, we
8:14are moving on to the Libra man. Yes,
8:17let's do it. This topic wasn't chosen
8:19for this man for no reason. Probably
8:23the most indecisive person of them all.
8:30Maybe it seems a bit strange to you,
8:31but I have seen few people. This, by
8:36the way, applies to both men and women,
8:40who want to be in a relationship so
8:42much, want to be in love and in
8:44emotions, sometimes even in some kind
8:46of Turkish drama format of emotions.
8:51And yet, they run away from it just as
8:53much. For me, Libra is a crisis zodiac
8:57sign. This applies to both men and
8:59women. These are people who live life
9:04often in an avoidant format and are
9:05frequently divided into two groups.
9:11Group one are just people with issues,
9:13with aggression, very emotional, prone
9:15to breakdowns, prone to that, you know,
9:17flitting about. One thing, another, a
9:20third, fifth, tenth, twentieth.
9:23Constant flickering like this. Just
9:26this, this whole story. They can't find
9:29themselves, can't define themselves
9:31because, I repeat once more, there is
9:33no stable structure at all, no stable
9:35foundation. At the same time, there is
9:40a huge desire for other people to
9:42satisfy them and somehow tell them what
9:43they want. So, there is a lot of
9:48codependency in this sign. It manifests
9:50in different ways. For some in an
9:53avoidant format, for others in a very
9:54chasing and even aggressive one. I
9:57would say they are prone to scandals,
9:59prone to arguing about the relationship
10:01. People with that constant question of
10:04masculinity, femininity, this story
10:06here is also very relevant. Am I man
10:09enough if I act this way? I don't want
10:12to be a pushover, so I don't act like
10:13that. So, some kind of feigned,
10:17far-fetched machismo can make this
10:19person much more aggressive. Especially
10:22, I repeat, that's why I called it a
10:24crisis sign. Imagine, inside is a
10:27tender codependent. There's no other
10:30way to call it. A tender, sappy
10:32codependent. And so begins the "Three
10:38Little Pigs, Romashka Theater" game,
10:40where he says: "No, I don't need anyone
10:42, I'm just all about that." And it's
10:49impossible to listen to because you
10:50realize it's [ __ ], but the person
10:52sincerely believes it. He’s immersed
10:55in it so seriously. Everything is just,
10:58you know, this and that, all of it.
11:01Well, it’s just nonsense. It's just
11:03nonsense. And here, our scenario kicks
11:07in, what I mentioned earlier: "I want
11:10love, passion, I want codependent love.
11:12" Right here, there's a request for
11:15that Turkish-drama style of love. But
11:18in reality, people often choose either
11:20loneliness or safe relationships.
11:23Oh,
11:23it's a classic. This is a classic for
11:26Libra men. Actually, in our previous
11:28episode, we discussed Virgo men. I can
11:31draw a parallel in many ways, because
11:33there’s also the shadiness, the
11:35pickiness, and a lot of criticism here.
11:40And the more this man fails to accept
11:42the conflict between his masculinity,
11:44his brutality, and his inner
11:46sensitivity and femininity, the more
11:48pronounced his shadiness becomes. I can
11:52say that they love to provoke, they
11:54love to manipulate, and they know how
11:56to do it. These are quite serious
11:58manipulators. If we are talking about a
12:01tendency to cheat, that’s here too.
12:03Actually, I noticed, Natasha was just
12:05asking me off-camera: "Can you say that
12:07some signs are more prone to cheating?"
12:10"Oh, guys, I failed. And some less."
12:13Well, first of all, let's be clear.
12:15Everyone cheats, really. Let’s not
12:17kid ourselves, everyone just cheats.
12:18Some more often, some less often. In my
12:21observations, it's Libra, Cancer,
12:23Pisces. For men, the top three signs
12:27that cheat. For women, honestly, do you
12:29want my opinion? It’s the same. Libra
12:33, Cancer, Pisces. For me, these three
12:36signs are very prone to cheating. Not
12:38even Scorpio. Scorpio does too, but
12:40we'll talk about him separately; he
12:42needs to be deeply in love. If he
12:44doesn't love you, yeah, you're going to
12:45have a hell of a time. But if he does,
12:48no. The thing is, if he loves you,
12:51you’ll have a hell of a time, but if
12:53not, the relationship will be normal.
12:56Wow.
12:56That’s what I’ve noticed.
12:57Interesting, there was already an
12:59episode about Cancer. You said there
13:01that Cancers are family-oriented and
13:02that family is very important to them.
13:04And that's why it's so surprising for
13:06me to hear they are in the top for
13:07cheating.
13:07Yes.
13:08But look, one doesn't cancel out the
13:10other.
13:10Interesting.
13:11One doesn't cancel out the other. Kids
13:12there, whatever you want. Respect for
13:15the hierarchy, you know, of wife,
13:17husband, and so on. Absolutely, it
13:19doesn't stop them, uh, from stepping
13:21out.
13:22Well, that’s if there’s some kind
13:23of unhappiness in the family. I’d say
13:28if a Cancer man is kept by the balls by
13:31a very powerful woman, then no, he
13:32won’t cheat. But if not, and she’s
13:37like: "Yeah, go ahead, do what
13:41you like." And about Libras, you were
13:45talking about codependency. But a Libra
13:48man, in that codependency, will he be
13:51the chaser, the lover, or the cold one?
13:55It
13:56varies, my dear, it can vary, but their
13:59codependency game is quite active.
14:02Again, it depends a lot here. If he
14:05likes you, he will be bickering with
14:07you all the time. And bickering, you
14:10know, about what? I'm not getting
14:12enough attention. You don’t love me,
14:15you don’t kiss me, you don’t look
14:17at me, you don’t listen to me, you
14:19this, you that, you this, you that, so,
14:21like,
14:22well, it's more of a victim thing.
14:23How to put it? It’s an aggressive,
14:26chasing-you victim. You know, "I'm
14:29chasing you to tell you I don't need
14:30you."
14:32It’s exactly that case.
14:34It is that very case. But again, if he
14:38doesn't have many feelings for you,
14:40then the relationship is much more
14:42stable. I’ve really noticed this.
14:46This sign is prone to choosing safe
14:48relationships or none at all.
14:52Well, again, in contrast to this crazy
14:54hurricane, which, let’s be honest,
14:56they get quite tired of by forty.
15:00It seems to me like a candidate for
15:02being chosen. No,
15:03I don’t think so, my dear. Well, it
15:05looks like it, looks like it. I won’t
15:08deny it.
15:09Either he doesn't love you, and then
15:10the relationship is good. Or he loves
15:12you, then
15:13either he loves you, then let's eat
15:15[ __ ] together here.
15:17I actually notice that the Libra man
15:19tends to test you, you know, with these
15:21things. I’ll see what you’re able
15:24to forgive me for,
15:28and that’s how I’ll know you love
15:29me. Oh,
15:31they very often in practice—again, I
15:34mainly work with them on codependency
15:36issues, specifically manipulative,
15:38rather cruel codependency, to be honest
15:40.
15:43And they can really pull that off. "
15:48I’m going to poke you with various
15:50things in various places, and by how
15:51much you can endure, I’ll know that
15:53you truly love me." Okay, I’m writing
15:59down to avoid Libras.
16:00Honestly, to me, it sounds even worse
16:02than Virgo.
16:04It is not an easy sign, my dears. This
16:06is not a simple sign. There is so much
16:08emotion here. Moreover, the reason I
16:10say Libra is a crisis sign for me is
16:12that this person very often doesn't
16:14understand what is happening to them.
16:16Meaning they are tossed in different
16:17directions. I love you, I hate you, I
16:19love you, I hate you. And unfortunately
16:21, they cannot balance that themselves.
16:24That is a real hidden pitfall of this
16:26sign, because there are strengths—
16:28though we haven't touched on them today
16:30yet—they exist and are truly
16:31unsurpassed. I was actually going to
16:34ask about the strengths and how one
16:36should build a relationship, if it’s
16:37already happened, if life has turned
16:39out that way, right?
16:43In my understanding, the strongest side
16:45of this sign is the ability to make a
16:47lasting, stunning impression. This is
16:52an aesthetic man. This is a man who
16:54knows how to create comfort, beauty, a
16:56beautiful atmosphere, and often loves
16:58to cook. There is a very powerful,
17:01strong inclination toward some kind of
17:03visual talent. For instance, I have a
17:08Libra man in my practice; besides being
17:11a very strong, successful entrepreneur
17:13and an incredibly cool manager, his
17:15entire business is built on interiors.
17:19He has various projects—I won’t
17:20name them, guys, the person is
17:22well-known, why would we do that here?
17:25Various properties, hotels, and other
17:27places where he creates the interior
17:29design himself for each one, and he
17:30does all the design for his own home
17:32too, without working with any designers
17:34at all. Plus he paints, plays
17:38instruments, cooks amazingly, and is
17:40always hauling his kids around. Again,
17:45I repeat, he is very active and truly a
17:48man of high talent. Absolutely visually
17:54soft, gentle, very pleasant, and, you
17:56know, engaging. Visually, he has the
18:01face of a good guy. The kindest soul.
18:07But when we see in practice that he
18:09keeps his spouse in a tight cage, in
18:11his little grip— "don't read this
18:13book,""don't do that"—with this
18:15controlling, predatory love, you start
18:16to understand the essence of this
18:18person's codependency. He is very loyal
18:25, he is very committed to her and to
18:27the family. But like this. And that, of
18:31course, is not for everyone. And
18:34believe me, before he reached that
18:36point, they could have fought 380,000
18:38times already. So, answering your
18:41question on how to build relationships
18:43with these people: take everything
18:45easier.
18:47To every tantrum, "I love only you, you
18:49are my everything, you are my life," to
18:52all those manipulations, to everything.
18:55"Sweetie, I know exactly what you're
18:57thinking about right now." Listen, I
19:00probably somehow gave you the
19:02impression that I don't love you. I
19:04love you madly. I can't imagine my life
19:07without you. You are my everything. Our
19:10children, our family, our couple, our
19:12connection. You truly evoke unique
19:15emotions in me. I can't imagine myself
19:17with anyone else. This is what you must
19:21say to a Libra man every day. Every
19:24single day. Plus, physical
19:26compatibility is very important. Good
19:29sex. Often, this man perceives a
19:33refusal of sex, avoiding sex, or
19:35backing away from sex—even if you're
19:37just not in the mood—as a personal
19:39slight, and he may think there’s a
19:41crack in your relationship. Well, I
19:44repeat, there is codependency here, you
19:46see, Tash, it’s the cornerstone. And,
19:50naturally, when a person is tossed
19:52aside, they start doubting themselves,
19:54your relationship, and your bond, just
19:56from the simplest, most trivial moment.
20:01That is why there is such a strong
20:03vulnerability here: that he will be
20:05left, that he isn't loved, that he is
20:07being used, because he himself loves
20:09deeply, carnally, ravenously, and he
20:11wants, he dreams, he dreams of being
20:13loved back. And there is plenty to love
20:17him for. And this man, in my opinion,
20:20can reveal his best qualities, I repeat
20:22, if he is absolutely sure of you. Here
20:27, the theme of loyalty plays a decisive
20:29role—along with sexual contact,
20:31admiration, and, you know, your ability
20:33to let him understand that he is the
20:35only main man who exists in this world.
20:40Aside from him, there is no one else.
20:44No one. Because, I repeat, a man in my
20:49practice has tantrums every time: "She
20:51spoke too sweetly to my friend." She
20:56there—I mean, it's constant, this "
20:58she found out something there,""she
20:59heard something there."
21:03So, constant nitpicking like this, it
21:05does take place here, especially when
21:07this man is deeply, deeply in love.
21:12It’s interesting, the way you’re
21:13telling this? I’m thinking about how
21:16women fall in love, because you’re
21:18sharing the strengths, and I’m like:
21:20"Maybe...no, thanks." And then again: "
21:22Maybe...but still no, it won't work."
21:25But this isn't for everyone. Natasha,
21:26you are very freedom-loving. Natasha is
21:28an Aquarius.
21:29A freedom-loving Aquarius. Well,
21:31Natasha, where to?
21:32Where, like, where, where? I know a
21:35couple: a Libra man, an Aquarius woman.
21:37I do know such a couple. They are a
21:38close couple of mine. But the Aquarius
21:40woman there entered that marriage at a
21:42very early age. And she developed her
21:44personality while already in that
21:46marriage. So, she found her freedom in
21:48this marriage only after about 15 years
21:50, when the kids had grown up a bit, and
21:52he was absolutely certain of her. And
21:56then, the boundaries opened up just a
21:58little bit. Even then, she was always,
22:01of course, with her sisters or her
22:03children. Never out partying with just
22:05anyone,
22:07no.
22:08No. And certainly not in some
22:10independent business or flying solo.
22:12That was completely out of the question
22:14. That’s the kind of love needed here
22:15. Yeah, that’s how we do it, like
22:17this, like this, like this. See, if
22:21there is love, or even if there isn’t
22:23, you can still reach an agreement
22:24because, in principle, people are
22:26reasonable and capable of dialogue,
22:28really. And I’ll repeat, if they
22:32don’t love you deeply but just chose
22:34you for logistical reasons, they can
22:36still do that. The relationship will be
22:38much more pleasant. I am definitely
22:41very interested in hearing about
22:42Aquarius conflicts later.
22:44Oh, Natasha, soon, soon, soon. Well,
22:47we’ll wrap things up for today.
22:49Support the episode with likes,
22:51comments, and subscriptions. Look at
22:54how beautiful it is. We can already see
22:57New Jersey across the Hudson River.
22:59Yes,
23:00definitely subscribe and look forward
23:02to our episodes from there. Dasha, show
23:04them the
23:05international center too. Oh, how
23:07lovely. Just look at that.
23:11Oh. Well, I hope you enjoyed our views
23:13today. It seems to me that beautiful
23:18people of every variety have been
23:19running past, basically, and pleasing
23:21your eyes as well. I hope you’ve
23:24gotten a little worked up. Well, why
23:26not?
23:26The cameraman really tried not to get
23:28distracted.
23:29Why? It’s me. My eyes have been
23:31wandering too. My eyes were wandering
23:32the whole time. So let us know if you
23:35liked it. If you know or have past,
23:37present, or future Libra men, if I hit
23:39the mark, and if this material was
23:41useful to you, I will be very, very
23:43pleased. As for us, we’re continuing
23:45our walk through magnificent New York,
23:47and we’ll see you in the next
23:49episodes.

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of TATALIVE #47 - Не знаю чего хочу. Куда себя направить? Мужчина-Весы #ньюйорк #психологиямужчин by Психолог Тата Феодориди, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 3,802 words across 602 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

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