Stiamo diventando una società di SINGLE? — Transcript

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1. 0:00In the 70s, the Italian family was a
2. 0:02certainty: mom, dad, three kids, and
3. 0:03maybe even the grandparents at home.
4. 0:06Today, however, more than a third of
5. 0:07Italian households consist of just one
6. 0:09person. Families are increasing in
7. 0:12number but shrinking, with a whole
8. 0:13series of consequences on an economic,
9. 0:15cultural, and well-being level. And
10. 0:18studying this phenomenon, you realize
11. 0:20it’s not exactly easy to understand
12. 0:22what the causes are and what the
13. 0:23consequences are. Often, it’s a case
14. 0:26of a dog chasing its own tail. We’ll
15. 0:28understand why shortly. The fact is,
16. 0:30with this data, we can ask ourselves: "
17. 0:32Are we still a society of families or
18. 0:35are we becoming a society of singles?"
19. 0:37Look at this. In the last year,
20. 0:40households consisting of single people
21. 0:41outnumbered couples with children and
22. 0:43even couples without children. And
23. 0:45while, let's say, extended families—
24. 0:48those with grandparents and aunts and
25. 0:50uncles—are now a rare Pokémon,
26. 0:52single parents with children have
27. 0:53increased. Today, they make up one in
28. 0:5510 families. But counting singles isn't
29. 0:58enough; we need to understand what lies
30. 0:59behind it. Some do it by choice, some
31. 1:02end up alone after a separation, some
32. 1:04don't find a stable partner, and some
33. 1:05give up on cohabitation or parenthood.
34. 1:08But there are also those who remain on
35. 1:10the margins, those who lack a support
36. 1:11network, and those who experience the
37. 1:13economic and psychological strain of
38. 1:14facing everything alone. Understanding
39. 1:17whether we are becoming a society of
40. 1:18singles, therefore, is not just a
41. 1:20demographic issue; it helps us read how
42. 1:22our relationships, life plans, and our
43. 1:24way of being together are changing. To
44. 1:27do this, in this video, we will try to
45. 1:29answer four fundamental questions. What
46. 1:31does it mean to be single? Is being
47. 1:33single a choice, and what impact does
48. 1:35it have on welfare and policy? And are
49. 1:37we single in the sense of being lonely,
50. 1:39or are we rethinking our model of
51. 1:40relationships? First of all, to be
52. 1:48clear, if we look at ISTAT data, by "
53. 1:50single" we mean people living alone—
54. 1:52that is, people who do not live with a
55. 1:55partner, child, or roommates and who
56. 1:57constitute a one-person household.
57. 2:00ISTAT captures where and with whom one
58. 2:02lives, not whether one is in love or
59. 2:04not. And these people in Italy are a
60. 2:06very diverse group with different
61. 2:08stories, ages, and even motivations.
62. 2:11The word "single," in fact, makes us
63. 2:12immediately think of young people who
64. 2:14haven't found their soulmate yet. But
65. 2:16the reality is very different. Many
66. 2:19singles in Italy are elderly—
67. 2:21specifically elderly women—who live
68. 2:23alone because they often outlive men
69. 2:25and, after losing their partner, tend
70. 2:27not to remarry. Specifically, among
71. 2:30those over 75, one in two women lives
72. 2:32alone, while for men it is less than
73. 2:34one in four. Obviously, our stereotype
74. 2:36about younger people is not entirely
75. 2:39unfounded. Between the ages of 25 and
76. 2:4144, the number of singles has almost
77. 2:43doubled in the last 20 years, rising
78. 2:45from nearly 8%to 14%. Among those
79. 2:48living alone are the separated,
80. 2:50divorced, people who never started a
81. 2:52family, or those who choose not to have
82. 2:54children or a partner. And according to
83. 2:58Istat, the increase in people living
84. 3:00alone also corresponds to an increase
85. 3:03in non-widowed singles—that is,
86. 3:05younger or middle-aged people living
87. 3:07alone not because they lost a partner,
88. 3:09but by choice or other reasons. These
89. 3:13are the data, but as you can see, they
90. 3:15don't tell us everything about the
91. 3:18situation of singles in the most common
92. 3:20sense of the term, a sense often
93. 3:22associated with loneliness and social
94. 3:25isolation. Living without a partner,
95. 3:28experiencing loneliness, and
96. 3:29experiencing social isolation are three
97. 3:31different things. Living alone doesn't
98. 3:34automatically mean feeling lonely; in
99. 3:36fact, it is often a way to gain space,
100. 3:38autonomy, and freedom. For example,
101. 3:41Ipsos data tells us that 67%of Italian
102. 3:43singles say that doing activities alone
103. 3:46makes them proud, and 63%believe
104. 3:48traveling alone is a fundamental
105. 3:50opportunity to build self-confidence.
106. 3:53Loneliness, on the other hand, is a
107. 3:55subjective experience; it is the way we
108. 3:57perceive the quality and quantity of
109. 3:59our relationships. It can be temporary,
110. 4:02perhaps linked to a life event, or it
111. 4:04can become chronic, at which point it
112. 4:06becomes a problem for our mental and
113. 4:08physical health. Then there is social
114. 4:11isolation, which is a more objective
115. 4:13state; it is measured by counting the
116. 4:15people we interact with and the
117. 4:17frequency with which we see them. For
118. 4:19example, a person can live alone but
119. 4:22have an active social network, have a
120. 4:24partner, and feel connected, while
121. 4:26another may live with a family or a
122. 4:29partner but feel deeply isolated and
123. 4:31alone. This means that being single can
124. 4:35be a choice, a temporary situation, or
125. 4:37even a consequence of complex social
126. 4:39dynamics. And so we come to the second
127. 4:42point. Do we choose to live as singles,
128. 4:45or is it that we can't afford to start
129. 4:47a family? The question, I know, is a
130. 4:49bit funny because, let's be honest,
131. 4:52today if you don't share a home with
132. 4:54someone, especially in big cities, you
133. 4:56can't make ends meet. A single person
134. 4:59between 18 and 34 spends an average of
135. 5:02€ 1,730 per month to live. Just put
136. 5:04the two basic things together. Home,
137. 5:07rent, or mortgage, plus utilities, for
138. 5:09which a single person spends an average
139. 5:12of € 686 a month; then groceries,
140. 5:14where the average cost is € 265 a
141. 5:17month, and that's almost € 1000. And
142. 5:21then you have to add in everything else
143. 5:23, you know, what makes life worth
144. 5:24living. So, who actually has this kind
145. 5:27of money? I don't. If, however, you're
146. 5:30the same age and in a couple without
147. 5:32children, housing and expenses, well,
148. 5:34those two items go down. Living as a
149. 5:37couple is simply more affordable. Many
150. 5:40people, to keep costs down, choose to
151. 5:41live with roommates in shared
152. 5:43apartments. We're talking about over 10
153. 5:46%of the adult population in some urban
154. 5:48areas. You split expenses and keep your
155. 5:51independence, but there's no family
156. 5:53project, no children, no marriage, nor
157. 5:55stable cohabitation. Let's try to do a
158. 5:58rough calculation. Say you have an
159. 6:02average salary, so about € 35,000
160. 6:04gross per year, which is just over €
161. 6:0725,000 net, and on average we saw that
162. 6:10just to live alone you spend € 20,400
163. 6:13a year. How do you manage to set aside
164. 6:16money to think about having a family or
165. 6:18children one day? When you look at the
166. 6:21facts, it seems that the most
167. 6:22convenient solution is to be a couple
168. 6:24but not have children. Yet why are
169. 6:26there more and more singles? Here too,
170. 6:29the answers can vary. For many people
171. 6:32today, autonomy and personal freedom
172. 6:34have become core values. The importance
173. 6:37placed on one's own experiences and
174. 6:39independence is extremely high. And let
175. 6:43me say, perhaps this tells us a lot
176. 6:45about the idea of a couple we have, as
177. 6:47if being in a couple necessarily
178. 6:49implies sacrificing one's freedom, even
179. 6:52just in part. Then there is the fact
180. 6:55that traditional couple models are no
181. 6:57longer the only option. For example,
182. 7:00having children is no longer a
183. 7:01mandatory milestone. We are starting to
184. 7:03imagine a full life even without them.
185. 7:06Or if we think about women in
186. 7:07particular, the sad idea of having to
187. 7:10find a partner to bring home the money
188. 7:12is no longer widespread; in fact, the
189. 7:14desire to be independent from a partner
190. 7:16has grown, and therefore not wanting
191. 7:19one at all. I am a rich
192. 7:21And in general, being single is
193. 7:22certainly more socially accepted than
194. 7:25many years ago. Then there are those
195. 7:27who argue that emotional expectations,
196. 7:29precisely because the idea of being
197. 7:31alone is more socially accepted, have
198. 7:32become higher. Many prefer to be alone
199. 7:35rather than settle for a relationship
200. 7:37that doesn't satisfy them. I don't have
201. 7:40a single answer, and it would be a bit
202. 7:42absurd to try and categorize all human
203. 7:44experiences into a few options.
204. 7:47Actually, if you'd like to share your
205. 7:49reasons in the comments, it would be
206. 7:50very interesting. What I know for sure
207. 7:53is that our institutions would prefer
208. 7:55us to be anything but single. And so we
209. 7:57arrive at the third point. Why does the
210. 8:00State, given our demographic situation,
211. 8:03want anything but an increase in single
212. 8:05people? We know it: more singles means
213. 8:08fewer children, but the population is
214. 8:11aging, newborns are increasingly scarce
215. 8:13, and if the demographic curve
216. 8:14continues like this, in a few decades
217. 8:17there won't be enough active people to
218. 8:19support pensions and public services.
219. 8:22That is why welfare policies have
220. 8:24focused on supporting the family for
221. 8:26years. Universal single allowance,
222. 8:28daycare bonuses, tax breaks—all
223. 8:30things that reward those who are in a
224. 8:31couple and have children. And let's be
225. 8:34clear, precisely because we've seen
226. 8:36that even thinking about starting a
227. 8:38family is a major undertaking, these
228. 8:40supports and benefits are a positive
229. 8:41thing for those who decide to have one.
230. 8:44At the same time, however, people
231. 8:46living alone make up more than a third
232. 8:48of the population with all the
233. 8:50associated economic difficulties, and
234. 8:52if they increase but remain
235. 8:54unrepresented and unrecognized, they
236. 8:56could face major problems. Who
237. 8:59considers them, for example, in
238. 9:00policies for housing, mental health, or
239. 9:02even aging? I'm not saying this just
240. 9:05from an economic standpoint, because
241. 9:07living alone—and especially aging
242. 9:09alone—may be a free choice for some,
243. 9:11but it is not a neutral matter. On one
244. 9:13hand, there is the fact that if it is
245. 9:15not a choice made freely and
246. 9:17consciously, one risks experiencing
247. 9:19profound loneliness. Loneliness that
248. 9:22today is recognized as a genuine health
249. 9:24emergency. There are studies that
250. 9:26compare the damage it causes to smoking
251. 9:2915 cigarettes a day. It increases the
252. 9:31risks of depression, cognitive decline,
253. 9:32and cardiovascular disease. On the
254. 9:35other hand, there is the fact that
255. 9:36there is research telling us that
256. 9:38living alone, even if chosen, has an
257. 9:40impact on premature mortality. A
258. 9:42significant one. What will happen when
259. 9:44this generation of single young adults,
260. 9:47who seem autonomous and healthy today,
261. 9:49reaches that age? This is why we still
262. 9:52need to answer a fourth and final
263. 9:53question about the role that being
264. 9:55alone plays in our society. Are we
265. 9:57single, in the sense that we are lonely
266. 9:59? Yes, for some people, that is the
267. 10:01case. There is 13%of the European
268. 10:03population that says they feel lonely,
269. 10:05and this happens paradoxically in a
270. 10:07historical and social context like
271. 10:09today's, where we are constantly
272. 10:11interconnected. The internet and social
273. 10:14media were born to connect us, but they
274. 10:16can be both a resource and a trap.
275. 10:18Studies show it clearly: if we use them
276. 10:21actively to communicate, share, and
277. 10:23build bonds—perhaps even with a
278. 10:25potential partner—they help reduce
279. 10:27feelings of loneliness. But if they
280. 10:30become a space for passive observation
281. 10:33and constant comparison with the lives
282. 10:35of others, they can increase the
283. 10:37perception of loneliness, making us
284. 10:39feel alone despite having hundreds of
285. 10:41contacts, or choosing to remain alone
286. 10:44because the connections we build don't
287. 10:46always make us feel truly seen and
288. 10:48understood. In the latter case, being
289. 10:51single becomes a form of protection, a
290. 10:53way to avoid exposure and the risk of
291. 10:56new disappointments. For others,
292. 10:58however, it becomes a pause to
293. 11:00understand exactly what they want
294. 11:01before sharing it with someone else.
295. 11:04But that’s not all there is to it.
296. 11:06There are also those who have
297. 11:07consciously chosen to be alone—or
298. 11:09rather, to live alone—and so,
299. 11:10according to Istat, they would be
300. 11:11considered single, even while
301. 11:12maintaining romantic relationships. We
302. 11:15are talking about those who choose
303. 11:16alternative forms of partnership, like
304. 11:19"living apart together"—stable
305. 11:20couples who decide not to cohabit in
306. 11:22order to preserve their own space,
307. 11:24habits, and autonomy. In this way, the
308. 11:27idea of a couple as a total fusion is
309. 11:30broken, meeting the growing need to
310. 11:32feel free even within a relationship.
311. 11:35So no, you aren't always single because
312. 11:37you feel lonely. Sometimes people
313. 11:39choose to be single because they have
314. 11:41learned how to be happy on their own,
315. 11:43and this can be a starting point rather
316. 11:45than an endpoint. Alright, this video
317. 11:48is finished as well. Let us know what
318. 11:49you think in the comments; we'll be
319. 11:51sure to read them. We'll see you in the
320. 11:53next video. Bye.