Stephen Colbert on the End of 'The Late Show,' What's Next & Why CBS Might Have "Saved" His Life — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00The show is like a flaming toboggan ride
2. 0:01every day and you know, the trick is to
3. 0:03not hit any trees on your way down the
4. 0:05mountain you know, before 12:30. There's
5. 0:07so much to think about every day to do
6. 0:09the show that I do actually don't have
7. 0:10that much time to think about the show
8. 0:11ending. So we're just going to run as
9. 0:12fast as we can right through the tape or
10. 0:15right into the brick wall. Whatever it
11. 0:17feels like when we get there.
12. 0:21The minute I found out I was lying down
13. 0:23on my couch with I think a sock over my
14. 0:26eyes cuz I was trying to rest when my
15. 0:28manager came in and said do you have do
16. 0:30you have 15 minutes to talk I'm like in
17. 0:31person? We never talk in person. What is
18. 0:34this about? And he said that this is
19. 0:35this is the last season. So I took the
20. 0:37sock off and I sat up and I said I'm
21. 0:40sorry. I'm awake. Could you say that one
22. 0:41more time? Next year will be our last
23. 0:44season. The network will be ending the
24. 0:46late show in May. It's getting much
25. 0:48realer every moment getting a little
26. 0:50more precious. I tried never to take for
27. 0:52granted like being in the Ed Sullivan,
28. 0:54having a Broadway theater, having that
29. 0:56tremendous audience or have the ability
30. 0:57to work with the funniest people I know
31. 0:59every day and make jokes about the
32. 1:02things that make me most anxious
33. 1:04every day. But at the same time you
34. 1:05can't really dwell on that ending
35. 1:07because you don't have time for. Any any
36. 1:09more you can think about
37. 1:11walking and still walk or swallowing and
38. 1:14not you know, choke on your own tongue.
39. 1:16You just have to do the show.
40. 1:17>> We'll meet again. [singing]
41. 1:21Don't know where. Don't know when. It's
42. 1:25funny thing with the Colbert Report I
43. 1:26knew how I wanted it to end because
44. 1:29well, I picked the date. Somehow about
45. 1:31me picking the date and picking the year
46. 1:33and everything. I'm like okay, it's
47. 1:34going to be December 18th, 2014. I
48. 1:37remember went to my assistant Amy
49. 1:38[clears throat] Cole
50. 1:40and I said Amy, what's the last day of
51. 1:412014?
52. 1:42In production. And she said it was
53. 1:44December 18th. I said oh good to know.
54. 1:45And I went down and sat at my desk and I
55. 1:46thought for a second and I thought of
56. 1:47the entire show. I'm like oh okay,
57. 1:49that's what it'll be. Kind of all came
58. 1:50in in one. And you know, we rewrote and
59. 1:52noodled everything, but I had the idea.
60. 1:54This time you know, wasn't my choice,
61. 1:56wasn't my date. I think that's why it
62. 1:58didn't come all at once. And one or two
63. 2:00elements came to me like, what about
64. 2:02this, what about that? And then we've
65. 2:03had meetings over the last few months
66. 2:05and recently it all just
67. 2:07it all just gelled. It's not written,
68. 2:10but I know what I want to have happen.
69. 2:11And
70. 2:12luckily it looks like it's going to. You
71. 2:14can't do this forever. You have to think
72. 2:16about it, well, when is the right time
73. 2:18to end your
74. 2:20tenure.
75. 2:22I didn't think this soon. Who knows?
76. 2:24Maybe
77. 2:25CBS saved my life
78. 2:27because it takes a lot of bone marrow to
79. 2:29do the show every day. Now I'll be
80. 2:31stepping down with enough time and
81. 2:33enough energy to do other things that I
82. 2:34want to do. The thing I found myself
83. 2:36reading over and over again were the six
84. 2:38chapters early on in the fellowship that
85. 2:40y'all never developed into the first
86. 2:42movie back in the day. Then I thought,
87. 2:44oh wait,
88. 2:45maybe that could be its own story that
89. 2:47could fit into the larger story. This
90. 2:49Lord of the Rings thing I was working on
91. 2:51before
92. 2:52the show was canceled. This has been
93. 2:54years I've been thinking about it. I've
94. 2:55been working on it with my son since
95. 2:57COVID actually and then working on it
96. 2:59with Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens and
97. 3:01and Fran
98. 3:03Walsh for almost two years now. So that
99. 3:05wasn't a post-show idea. That was an
100. 3:07idea and I'm glad they liked it and now
101. 3:11I'll have time to work on it, but that
102. 3:12wasn't part of the what what will I do
103. 3:15next feeling. That was I wonder if I
104. 3:17could do any of this while I was still
105. 3:18doing the show. We'll land this plane
106. 3:20and we'll we'll check out the view from
107. 3:21there. But I I don't think I could
108. 3:23really have a big plan beyond this. I
109. 3:27can finally speak unvarnished truth to
110. 3:29power and say what I really think about
111. 3:32Donald Trump starting
112. 3:34right now. I don't have any fear of the
113. 3:37administration doing anything to me.
114. 3:41I mean how silly would it be?
115. 3:44How silly would it be? I mean, listen.
116. 3:48My present situation aside, like the
117. 3:50ending of the show aside, which people
118. 3:52can speculate all they want and I can't
119. 3:54argue with their speculations, you know?
120. 3:56But
121. 3:58we're clowns.
122. 4:00How much does it diminish
123. 4:03the office of the presidency to even
124. 4:05notice what we say?
125. 4:07You know?
126. 4:09That guy needs to know how to pick his
127. 4:10battles.
128. 4:11I mean, metaphorically and literally.
129. 4:18I'm an actor.
130. 4:19You know, I'm a actor and a writer and I
131. 4:21became a writer because nobody would
132. 4:22cast me in anything and I had to write
133. 4:24for myself. And I always imagined that's
134. 4:26what I'd be doing after the Colbert
135. 4:27Report because that was
136. 4:30an acting job. And when I got this, at
137. 4:32first it was like, "No, I can't go do
138. 4:34that job. That's That's I'm not a
139. 4:35stand-up. I've never been myself." My
140. 4:37mom had studied to be an actress. I got
141. 4:40the bug of
142. 4:42wanting to perform
143. 4:44by hearing her talk about it. She had
144. 4:46She had um
145. 4:48been accepted to uh CIT, Carnegie
146. 4:50Institute of Technology, now Carnegie
147. 4:52Mellon, to that program. And then got
148. 4:55very sick
149. 4:56and had to delay going for a year.
150. 4:58And
151. 4:59right as she was getting better, my
152. 5:00father asked her
153. 5:02to marry him. And she said yes and had
154. 5:0411 children
155. 5:05rather than having an acting career. I
156. 5:07was at Northwestern University and this
157. 5:09guy named Chris Path
158. 5:11uh
159. 5:12who was I was friends with there said,
160. 5:13"Hey, there's this thing in Chicago
161. 5:16called the Harold Improv. They're doing
162. 5:18it this club called Crosscurrents under
163. 5:20the Belmont L. And it sounds really
164. 5:23interesting. Do you want to go check it
165. 5:24out?" So, I I went and the first night I
166. 5:28saw it, I had a deep feeling and I don't
167. 5:31know why, but I thought, "I have to do
168. 5:33this."
169. 5:34I was drawn to it immediately.
170. 5:37And it wasn't just you know, that I was
171. 5:38lazy and didn't have to learn lines, but
172. 5:40that was attractive. But I I loved it.
173. 5:43There was a guy I saw on stage that
174. 5:44first night named Dave Pasquesi, who's
175. 5:46an incredible performer. And I saw him
176. 5:48and I went, "Oh, I kind of want to I
177. 5:49want I don't know what he's doing up
178. 5:51there,
179. 5:52but
180. 5:53he's got a secret, and I would like to
181. 5:55know what that secret is."
182. 5:56And so, that was a I maybe that might be
183. 5:58the moment that turned me to into sort
184. 6:00of the direction of of what the rest of
185. 6:01my career was. Stephen. John. How are
186. 6:04you? And you know what?
187. 6:05In this new spirit of bipartisan
188. 6:07compromise in the Senate, is is there
189. 6:09still a lot of partisan bickering over
190. 6:10witnesses and trial procedure? No, John.
191. 6:12Now, it's over merchandising and product
192. 6:15placement. I was at The Daily Show
193. 6:16before John got there. Craig Kilborn
194. 6:18leaves. We don't know who's going to
195. 6:20take over for The Daily Show, and then
196. 6:23it gets announced
197. 6:25that it's Jon Stewart. And Evie and I
198. 6:28are watching like, I don't know, maybe
199. 6:30Entertainment Tonight or something like
200. 6:31it, and it's announced that it's it's
201. 6:32going to be Jon Stewart.
202. 6:34And Evie says,
203. 6:36"Jon Leibowitz?
204. 6:38He's not funny."
205. 6:40And what I didn't know was that she had
206. 6:42known John when he first came to New
207. 6:45York to be a comedian. And she was like,
208. 6:46"John would be the guy at the party not
209. 6:49talking to anyone, like nursing an
210. 6:51Amstel Light in the corner." And she was
211. 6:52like, "No, his roommate was the funny
212. 6:54one."
213. 6:55And John was just this quiet guy who
214. 6:57like never over his voice. And then
215. 6:59later, when I finally met John in
216. 7:00person,
217. 7:01first of all, John
218. 7:04John at his press conference. There was
219. 7:05a press conference at Comedy Central to
220. 7:06announce that Jon Stewart was going to
221. 7:08be the guy. And John and I hadn't met at
222. 7:10this point. I said
223. 7:12to my producer at the time at The Daily,
224. 7:16I said, "Wait a second, isn't this sort
225. 7:18of thing that we at The Daily Show would
226. 7:19go cover? Aren't we self-important
227. 7:21enough that we would think whoever new
228. 7:22host is is going to be Why aren't one of
229. 7:25us there in the press gaggle?" Cuz I
230. 7:27knew there was going to be one at this
231. 7:29press conference at Comedy Central.
232. 7:31And they said, "You want to go? You can
233. 7:32go." So, I went over there, got the cube
234. 7:34that said Daily Show on it, and put on
235. 7:36my little tie and everything like that,
236. 7:37and got the lanyard and everything, and
237. 7:38I stood up, and I said, uh "Stephen
238. 7:40Colbert, Daily Show. Um,
239. 7:42can you please uh address I said to Doug
240. 7:45Herzog, the president of Comedy Central.
241. 7:47This is this is for our president of
242. 7:48Comedy Central, Doug Herzog.
243. 7:50Mr. Herzog, uh
244. 7:52could you address how John being named
245. 7:55today the host affects my ability to get
246. 7:58that job?
247. 7:59And John looked to Doug Herzog and said,
248. 8:02you told me he wasn't funny.
249. 8:04And that's how we met.
250. 8:07And then afterwards I went up and said,
251. 8:08hey. And then
252. 8:10uh it turns out we knew each other much
253. 8:11before he he was like, wait, you know
254. 8:12Evie McGee?
255. 8:14I said, I know her very well, actually.
256. 8:16And and then I wasn't there for almost
257. 8:18the first year of John at The Daily
258. 8:21because uh you know, writing, producing,
259. 8:23and starring in Strangers with Candy,
260. 8:25which we did not know how to do. And so
261. 8:27we would work 24 hours a day. Whenever I
262. 8:28was back, we'd have a good time
263. 8:29together. They'd say, can't you come
264. 8:30back? I'm like, hey, minute shows are
265. 8:33when the doors open that big, I come
266. 8:34flying back. Cuz here's the thing. The
267. 8:36Daily Show with Craig Kilborn was good,
268. 8:39you know, it made really made a name for
269. 8:40itself. And then great writers and
270. 8:41producers and a great game and
271. 8:43everything. But when John came in, it
272. 8:44turned into a totally different beast.
273. 8:46He turned it into something where he
274. 8:49would invited us to mean what we were
275. 8:50saying, or rather to do satire, which is
276. 8:53not quite the same thing as
277. 8:55jokes about current events. He invited
278. 8:57us to do satire.
279. 8:58And that was really attractive to me.
280. 9:02And so I flew back to work with him. And
281. 9:06we immediately hit it off. The first
282. 9:07thing I came back for was the Republican
283. 9:09convention
284. 9:10in Philadelphia in 2000. And then I
285. 9:13never left again. I came back for that.
286. 9:14And then I was there solidly for the
287. 9:16next 5 years. This is the very first
288. 9:18time I'm sitting behind my new desk.
289. 9:20Isn't this beautiful, Jimmy? Can we get
290. 9:21a shot of this? This was a happy
291. 9:23accident. I mean, this gig was never the
292. 9:24goal. I mean, I love
293. 9:27the I mean, I grew up on Johnny Carson
294. 9:29and I was first generation David
295. 9:31Letterman. Like his first year in late
296. 9:33night was my first year in college. And
297. 9:36so we perfectly, you know, overlapped. I
298. 9:38was just a core audience for him. Just
299. 9:40for the record, I'm not replacing David
300. 9:42Letterman. His creative legacy is a high
301. 9:45pencil mark on a door frame that we all
302. 9:47have to measure ourselves against.
303. 9:49>> They basically offered it to me, and
304. 9:50then 4 months later Dave stepped down.
305. 9:52And they said, "Hey, we meant that. You
306. 9:54want to do it?" And I went, "Yeah, I
307. 9:55do." But in between,
308. 9:57I I basically did 4 months of therapy
309. 9:58about, "Hey, why wouldn't I want to do
310. 10:00this?" My sister Mary was sort of the
311. 10:02deciding factor for me. I would have
312. 10:04talked to my mom about this, but she had
313. 10:06passed
314. 10:07at this point. And so, uh nobody knew
315. 10:09that I had been offered this job by my
316. 10:11family. And I asked my sister Mary. I
317. 10:13said, "Mary, could you come up?" She
318. 10:14lives in DC. I said, "Could you come up
319. 10:16to New York? I just want to talk to you
320. 10:17about something." She said, "Sure." So,
321. 10:18she she gets on the train, she comes up
322. 10:20the next day. She goes, "What's going
323. 10:21on, kiddo?" Well,
324. 10:24you know, David is stepping down. And
325. 10:25she just burst into a huge smile.
326. 10:27And I said, "Okay.
327. 10:29Okay,
328. 10:31Mary,
329. 10:32if this show works out, CBS should send
330. 10:34you a bouquet of flowers, cuz I'm going
331. 10:36to take the job because you just smiled.
332. 10:37Her happiness for me getting the gig is
333. 10:39the thing that really sealed it for me."
334. 10:41You wrote me a letter after my mom died,
335. 10:43and in it you said, "I I hope you find
336. 10:45peace in your grief." When Anderson came
337. 10:47in to talk to me for his show, I know
338. 10:50that his mother had passed recently. And
339. 10:53I had written to him about that. And I
340. 10:55didn't know he was going to talk about
341. 10:56it, but he brought it up and we talked
342. 10:58about it. And
343. 11:01had a good conversation, I thought. Your
344. 11:03dad was killed in a plane crash when you
345. 11:05were 10 years old, along with your two
346. 11:06brothers, Peter and Paul. I was out of
347. 11:08the country when it actually went up.
348. 11:10And my daughter
349. 11:12joined us. We were family vacationing in
350. 11:14Iceland. She goes, "Dad, did you see
351. 11:15what's going on online?"
352. 11:17It was like It was like 10 million
353. 11:19people had seen it in the first 24 hours
354. 11:20or something. I was very surprised. I
355. 11:22had no idea that I mean, it makes sense,
356. 11:24cuz everybody experiences grief, if
357. 11:27you're lucky.
358. 11:28You know? If you love someone enough to
359. 11:30feel the great loss
360. 11:32of that. But, I was very surprised
361. 11:35because it's not something that I had
362. 11:37talked about
363. 11:40publicly.
364. 11:42And it felt innate to my view of the
365. 11:46world,
366. 11:47but I didn't realize that experience
367. 11:49that I had had
368. 11:51would be so meaningful to other people
369. 11:53um because so many other people
370. 11:55experience it. It seems obvious and a
371. 11:56very simple thing to realize, but it did
372. 11:58take me by surprise. It's like a pearl?
373. 12:00>> Because the 30th anniversary's pearl.
374. 12:02>> For the people out there who do who
375. 12:03don't who do not know, this is actually
376. 12:05tonight is actually our 30th
377. 12:07anniversary. One of the joy
378. 12:10for the audience is that she takes the
379. 12:11piss out of me
380. 12:12because she sure can. Do you ever fight?
381. 12:15Oh.
382. 12:17I know. Did you not read my email that I
383. 12:19sent you? We've got to make some
384. 12:21decisions about whatever it is. No, we
385. 12:22don't really fight.
386. 12:24We don't really have donnybrooks. She's
387. 12:25great company.
388. 12:27I try to be
389. 12:28equally good company. I don't think I am
390. 12:30as good company she is. We laugh a lot.
391. 12:34And she's the best laugh. She's the
392. 12:35laugh I want to get more than anybody
393. 12:36else.
394. 12:37That's the best.
395. 12:40We grew up in the same town.
396. 12:42Like, wow, half and a key, I must be
397. 12:43doing okay. I can't believe half and a
398. 12:46key is going out with me. We went on our
399. 12:48first date was December 26th, 1990, and
400. 12:52then we got engaged
401. 12:53uh December 22nd, 1992.
402. 12:57I was going to wait till December 26th,
403. 12:59but my friends got weary. He said, "No,
404. 13:02man, you got to ask her before Christmas
405. 13:04cuz she's going to want to show that
406. 13:05ring on Christmas morning to everybody
407. 13:07at church." And I said, "You're
408. 13:09absolutely right." So, December 22nd. I
409. 13:12remember when my daughter Madeleine was
410. 13:14born, she was born in September in
411. 13:17Chicago, and so by the time we were
412. 13:20taking her out in the world, it was
413. 13:22getting chilly.
414. 13:24We had her in a little buggy
415. 13:26and just tucked in and bundled with just
416. 13:28only her little face showing that little
417. 13:30thing and walking her along and I
418. 13:32remember walking her outside and going,
419. 13:34"Is that's a tree?
420. 13:36That's a tree. That's that blue thing is
421. 13:38that that's the sky. Those are clouds."
422. 13:40And we're going, "I can't wait till you
423. 13:42can talk back." And, you know, people
424. 13:45say like, "Oh, there's certain ages that
425. 13:47are perfect, you know, like six is
426. 13:49perfect, you know, or like right before
427. 13:52they become a teenager and they still
428. 13:53think you're pretty great, you know,
429. 13:55like 11 or something like that or 12 or
430. 13:57something like that." But, having an
431. 13:59adult child,
432. 14:01you know, if you've got a good
433. 14:02relationship with them,
434. 14:03is the best to lose an argument
435. 14:07with an adult child over something you
436. 14:09thought you knew about.
437. 14:11I mean, if you can take it, it's pretty
438. 14:13great. I think my son turned in his last
439. 14:16assignment today.
440. 14:17His thesis, his senior thesis, I think
441. 14:19it got turned in today. But, the last
442. 14:21week of the show is Monday he graduates,
443. 14:23Thursday's my last show, and Saturday my
444. 14:25brother gets married. All my brothers
445. 14:27and sisters and their husbands and wives
446. 14:28and everything are coming to the last
447. 14:29show and then we're all getting on the
448. 14:30train the next day and going down to DC
449. 14:33to go to Tommy's wedding. The next day
450. 14:35focus is not on me. Focus is on my
451. 14:36brother. So much better. And we'll get
452. 14:38drunk and we'll sing. We all We all
453. 14:41think we have good voices. That's the
454. 14:43great danger of our family, especially
455. 14:45the men. They really really think that
456. 14:47we have good voices. We'll get drunk and
457. 14:48we'll sing on the dance floor. It'll be
458. 14:49great. I want to thank everybody who
459. 14:50reached out to me over the weekend
460. 14:53including one text from an unknown
461. 14:54number offering a high-paying IT
462. 14:56work-from-home job for only two to three
463. 14:58hours a day. Yes, I am very interested.
464. 15:02I
465. 15:03love going out every night and talking
466. 15:04about what happened today because again,
467. 15:06it's a selfish endeavor. I want the
468. 15:08audience
469. 15:09to feel better. I'm the host. It's like
470. 15:11I'm hosting a party.
471. 15:12That's That's the idea, but I'm also
472. 15:14getting a lot out of it. We're all
473. 15:15getting a lot out of it. I'll miss that
474. 15:17as much as I'll miss the audience, that
475. 15:18camaraderie
476. 15:20of us feeling better about our day,
477. 15:22being able to talk about it. So, that's
478. 15:23it.
479. 15:24I'm gone. Just like
480. 15:27I hope they laughed. I hope they felt
481. 15:29better at the end of the day. I mean,
482. 15:30that's it. We're there. We're the last
483. 15:32thing you see.
484. 15:33You know, a lot of things happen in a
485. 15:34day,
486. 15:35but we bat last.
487. 15:37And so, we get the last
488. 15:40take
489. 15:41that people hear before they go to bed.
490. 15:43And I hope it made their day better.