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Stanford Luck Researcher: How to Manifest the Life You Want — Transcript

by Mel Robbins · 10,835 words · 1,713 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Have you ever looked at someone else's
0:01life and thought, "How did they get so
0:03lucky?" If you could turn your luck
0:05around, wouldn't you? Today's guest
0:08[music] is Dr. Tina Seelig. Her work is
0:11all about the science of luck. You can
0:14learn how to become a luckier person.
0:17>> [music]
0:17>> Dr. Seelig earned her PhD in
0:19neuroscience at Stanford Medical School.
0:21She's also the author of 18 books.
0:26>> Luck is success or failure apparently
0:30caused by chance.
0:32>> Success or failure apparently? What What
0:35is the apparently in there for?
0:36>> the point. I mean, this is really
0:38important. It looks on the surface as if
0:41it's chance, but really underneath,
0:44there are [music] things that you have
0:45done to tempt good luck your way.
0:47There's something very, very important
0:49to keep in mind. Fortune is the things
0:51[music] that happen to you. Luck is what
0:54you control.
0:55>> You know, if somebody feels really
0:57unlucky right now, what's the first
0:59thing [music] they should do this week?
1:02>> I would say, if you were going to pick
1:03one [music] thing,
1:06>> Hey, it's Mel. And before we get into
1:08this episode, my team was showing me
1:1157%
1:13of you
1:14who watch the Mel Robbins podcast here
1:16on YouTube are not subscribed yet. Could
1:19you do me a quick favor? Just hit
1:20subscribe so that you don't miss any of
1:22the episodes that we post here on
1:23YouTube. It lets me know you're enjoying
1:26the guests and the content that we're
1:27bringing you because I want to make sure
1:29you don't miss a thing. And I'm so glad
1:31you're here for this episode cuz this is
1:32a really good one. All right, let's dive
1:34in.
1:35Dr. Tina Seelig, welcome to the Mel
1:38Robbins podcast.
1:39>> not be more delighted. Thank you so much
1:41for having me.
1:42>> I am thrilled about the topic that we're
1:44going to talk about. I love your
1:46research and thank you for taking time
1:49out of your schedule to come and share
1:51all of this research around luck and how
1:55we can use it to improve our lives. And
1:56I think that's where I want to start.
1:58So, could you talk to me and the person
2:01that's here with us right now and just
2:03tell us
2:05what might change about our lives if we
2:08really apply everything you're about to
2:11teach us today?
2:13>> I couldn't be more delighted to share
2:16this information because when people
2:18understand that they have more agency in
2:21their lives, they realize that they have
2:24levers they can use every single day to
2:27make themselves luckier.
2:29>> When you talk about luck, Dr. Seelig,
2:32what are you talking about? What does
2:34that mean?
2:35>> Uh first of all, please call me Tina.
2:37Uh the definition of luck is success or
2:40failure apparently caused by chance.
2:44>> Success or failure apparently?
2:47>> Apparently, exactly.
2:48>> Wait, wait, what is the apparently in
2:49there for?
2:50>> And that's the point. I mean, this is
2:52really important. The word apparently,
2:54it looks on the surface as if it's
2:57chance, but really underneath, there are
2:59things that you have done to tempt good
3:02luck your way.
3:03>> Oh, okay. So, I want to make sure that I
3:06am tracking and I want to make sure that
3:08as the person who's with us is
3:09listening, we got that cuz I think that
3:11there is a little treasure buried
3:13beneath that, which is
3:17often times the things that we attribute
3:20to luck,
3:22are you saying that once we understand
3:25everything you're about to teach us,
3:27that those things we once just
3:29attributed to luck, bad luck or good
3:31luck,
3:32we could trace back and say,
3:35"Actually, there was something that I
3:37set in motion that I'm not giving myself
3:39credit for that made this chance thing
3:42happen."
3:43>> Exactly. And in fact, we often use the
3:45word luck to humbly say, "Oh, I didn't
3:48have anything to do with this." But if
3:50you actually unpack it, you'll see what
3:52actually happened to bring that good
3:54luck your way. Or people don't
3:57understand the things they did to make
3:59themselves luckier. And so what I've
4:01been doing is unpacking all the things
4:03that are in that apparently to show the
4:05things that people actually are doing to
4:08make themselves luckier.
4:10>> Okay, so you have done all this
4:11research, you've written this massive
4:14best-selling book, What I Wish I Knew
4:16About Luck, and you also have concluded
4:19that there is a science to becoming a
4:21luckier person. What's the number one
4:25thing that drives the lucky breaks that
4:28people get?
4:29>> Well, first of all, you have to realize
4:31that there is a physics to luck. Ooh.
4:34All of the world is cause and effect,
4:37right?
4:37>> Yes.
4:38>> Fortune is the things that happen to
4:40you. Luck is what you control. And it's
4:43very, very important to distinguish
4:45between those two things because people
4:48conflate the concept of fortune and
4:50luck, and they make a mistake in
4:53thinking that everything is just
4:55happening to them. Well, of course,
4:57there are some things that are out of
4:58your control.
4:59How tall you are, where you're born, who
5:01your parents are. Those are things that
5:03are out of your control. That's, you
5:04know,
5:05you're fortunate or you're unfortunate.
5:07>> Right.
5:08>> And the world is spinning and things are
5:10happening. There might be an earthquake.
5:12There might be a war.
5:13>> There might be systematic racism. There
5:15might be poverty. There might be all
5:17kinds of things.
5:17>> Exactly. A pandemic.
5:19>> Yes.
5:19>> But you have more control over how you
5:22respond to it.
5:23>> Okay, so I want to make sure I
5:24understand this because
5:26I would have thought it was the
5:27opposite. Because when I hear the word
5:30lucky, I think things that happen by
5:33chance. Things that happen out of the
5:34blue. Things that happen to certain
5:36people that don't happen to me.
5:39But when you say there's a big
5:41difference between fortune, which to me
5:44sounds like the things that you said you
5:47don't have control over, but there's a
5:49huge group of things that are either
5:53positive things of fortune or things
5:55that feel unfortunate that are not your
5:57fault, you can't change it,
6:00but you want us to focus on creating
6:03more luck and making things go our way,
6:06which is in our control. Absolutely.
6:08That's a completely different version of
6:10luck than I thought. Well, it's
6:12>> it's really important. It's critically
6:15important to distinguish between the
6:16things that happen to you and how you
6:18respond. I mean, there's this fabulous,
6:20you know, very famous quote by Victor
6:22Frankl about the fact that, you know,
6:25the world is happening to you and you
6:27have this this time between stimulus and
6:30response, where you get to decide how to
6:33respond. And that's where luck comes in.
6:36It comes in by taking the time to think
6:38about how you actually engage with the
6:40world. We are in a constant dance with
6:43the world,
6:45where we are either leading or we're
6:47following. And there are times in which
6:49the world is leading, right? The
6:50pandemic happened and our worlds all
6:52turned upside down, but then you get to
6:54decide what you're going to do with it.
6:56>> I I I've never thought about luck this
6:58way.
6:59I I have always thought about luck as
7:01just something that kind of happens to
7:03you or, you know, if you're unlucky,
7:05that happens to you, too. And so, really
7:07thinking about the fact that yes, there
7:09are lots of things that happen that are
7:11unfair.
7:12And yes, there are very real problems.
7:15And that is
7:17true and unfortunate.
7:19And we can take the science of creating
7:23your own luck, if you will,
7:25and use it to respond in a different
7:28way.
7:28>> Exactly. And I am so excited to share
7:31the things that people can do to unlock
7:34luck in their lives.
7:35>> All right, I want to read to you from
7:37your best-selling book, What I Wish I
7:40Knew About Luck. This is on page six.
7:42Luck requires taking a chance. A
7:45calculated risk. It begins the moment
7:47you decide to act in the face of
7:50uncertainty. Whether it's throwing your
7:52hat into the ring for a competitive
7:54opportunity, moving to a distant city
7:57without a clear plan, or simply
8:00introducing yourself to someone new,
8:03each action is a leap of faith beyond
8:06the familiar. These moments may seem
8:08small, but they're pivotal
8:11creating openings to capture lucky
8:15opportunities. What does that mean?
8:18>> Every decision you make opens the door
8:21to something brand new. We are always
8:23one decision away from a completely
8:26different life.
8:28I think about this all the time. You
8:31know, some of the closest friends I have
8:33made in my life are people who were
8:35standing next to me in line,
8:37who I started a conversation with, and
8:39we found that we had something in
8:41common, and then we started working
8:42together, and then we became best
8:44friends. If I had not started that
8:46conversation,
8:48that entire world would not have
8:50existed.
8:51>> Okay, let's stop right here, cuz I love
8:52this kind of thing.
8:54Okay?
8:54>> Okay.
8:55>> So, I was standing in a bar in night It
8:58was in a bar. I was standing at a United
9:00Way benefit in 1994. I was a brand new
9:04Legal Aid attorney in New York City.
9:07And I walked up to the bar,
9:09and I ordered a bourbon on the rocks to
9:11go. I wanted it on a plastic cup, cuz I
9:13was going to bounce from the party.
9:15And
9:17behind me I heard somebody say, "That
9:19sounds great. Make it two."
9:21I turn around, and it was Christopher
9:25Robbins, who I will be celebrating my
9:2730th wedding anniversary with this year.
9:31Let's unpack that moment in the
9:35framework of luck
9:38versus fortune. Do you Do you see what I
9:40mean? Okay.
9:41>> Well, I think it's a great example.
9:42Because A, he you know, he saw you, he
9:46was intrigued, he said, "I'll take the
9:48same." And you started conversation. It
9:50could have been the end.
9:52Think of the number of conversations
9:54that went nowhere. Thank you very much.
9:55I'll see you later. I'm going home.
9:57>> Think about the moments where you see
10:00somebody who's interesting, but you
10:02don't walk across the room.
10:03>> Exactly. And I've so many examples. Let
10:05me tell you one that is Well, in fact,
10:08this book is the result of a
10:10conversation I had with someone sitting
10:11on an airplane next to me.
10:12>> Really?
10:13>> I was flying across the country,
10:16early early morning flight, could have
10:18just shut my eyes and gone to sleep.
10:20The man sitting next to me
10:22was a publisher.
10:24And
10:25I started to chat with him. We talked
10:28for a good long time. And at some point,
10:30I pulled out a book proposal.
10:34I took a little risk. And I said, "Guess
10:36what? I've got a book proposal right
10:37here on my computer." And he was kind
10:39enough to look at it. And you know, he
10:40said, "This is very nice, Tina, but not
10:43really for us." So, I said, "Okay, no
10:45problem. But guess what?"
10:47At the end of the flight, we exchanged
10:49contact information. And he sent me a
10:51text as I was walking off the plane.
10:53I stayed in touch. I was teaching a
10:56class, my creativity class at Stanford.
10:58And I thought, "You know, gee, I'm doing
11:00a project this quarter. What should it
11:02be on? Maybe I'll do it on the future of
11:04publishing." So, I called him up again.
11:06And I said, "Hey, guess what? I'm doing
11:07a project on the future of publishing.
11:09Would you come to class?" He said,
11:11"Sure." So, he came, he met my students.
11:15We had a great great opportunity for
11:17everyone. I followed up again with uh
11:19some videos of some projects my students
11:22had worked on. Some were as part of a
11:23global innovation tournament. They were
11:25pretty cool. He said, "Wow, there is a
11:28book in here
11:30for the students."
11:32And he wanted to meet the students who
11:33had worked on this project. I said,
11:35"Okay, that sounds pretty cool." Uh and
11:37I set up a lunch.
11:39At the end of the lunch, which he had
11:41brought one of his editors to, his
11:42editor turned to me and said, "Hey,
11:45would you ever consider writing a book?"
11:47And I gave him the exact same proposal I
11:50had given his boss.
11:52I don't know, it was either one two
11:53years earlier, but I kept that
11:55relationship going.
11:57And that was the point there were all
11:58these little choices I made
12:01that ended up leading to the publication
12:03of what I wish I knew when I was 20,
12:04starting with the conversation with the
12:07man sitting next to me on the plane.
12:09>> So, do you want us to think about luck
12:12really more as something you create
12:17through the actions you take?
12:19>> Exactly.
12:20>> Versus something that just happens to
12:23some people versus others.
12:24>> Exactly. But, here is the important
12:26thing now.
12:27>> Okay.
12:28Luck is ubiquitous.
12:30>> What does that mean?
12:31>> Opportunities are ubiquitous.
12:32Opportunities are like the wind.
12:36But, you need a sail to catch it.
12:39And what I am passionate about is
12:41teaching people how to catch the winds
12:44of luck.
12:47>> So, I would love to have you, Dr.
12:49Seelig, just speak to the reality for
12:52some people
12:53that
12:55opportunities don't feel ubiquitous and
12:58they historically haven't been
13:00ubiquitous. If, let's say, you're being
13:04discriminated against or you are in a
13:08situation where something through no
13:11fault of your own, you're being sexually
13:12harassed at work or you've got There's
13:14very serious problems that people are
13:18facing, right? And so, they might hear
13:21this research, which I think could be
13:22very helpful
13:24in how you respond to things that are
13:26very real. How do you want somebody to
13:31think about the opportunities that are
13:33out there, even if you've had a lifetime
13:37of feeling like the door is always
13:39closed in your face because of the color
13:41of your skin, or because you're a woman
13:43and you haven't been paid what you're
13:45You know what I mean? Like I cuz I don't
13:47>> Of course. Of course. And honestly, life
13:49is not fair. I mean, people are born
13:52into very terrible circumstances. There
13:54are people who have who have medical
13:55problems. There are people who have
13:57dysfunctional families.
13:59But we have choices we make. I've been
14:01doing work for the last, I don't know,
14:0310 years working with a group at San
14:06Quentin State Prison called The Last
14:08Mile. It's an amazing program where they
14:10teach innovation and entrepreneurship
14:12and coding to men and women who are
14:15incarcerated. Now, these are folks who
14:17have had very, very difficult lives,
14:19often starting with very unfortunate
14:22circumstances.
14:23And the people who were in this program
14:25are given a chance to learn these skills
14:28and to develop the mindset needed to be
14:32successful when they are released from
14:34prison.
14:35>> Mhm.
14:36>> And it's remarkable to see how people
14:38can change. People can change their
14:41attitude and their actions to unlock
14:44possibilities that they didn't see
14:46before.
14:48>> I think that's so important to
14:50understand, and I can tell based on the
14:54passion and the just intensity of what
14:57you're like, "No, this is real." And it
15:00doesn't mean that there won't be
15:03challenges that you face in life. Those
15:05are very real, but you have a choice in
15:08whether you just throw in the towel and
15:10say, "This is just how things are." Or
15:13you lean in and say, "Okay, how I
15:16respond to this and how I think about
15:18creating my own luck." And as you said,
15:21that there's opportunities everywhere,
15:24but you've got to open the sail to catch
15:26them. Can you unpack that analogy of
15:29catching the winds of luck?
15:31>> Great. Can I show you a graphic?
15:33>> Please.
15:33>> Okay.
15:34>> So, I want to describe this for the
15:35person who is listening so you don't
15:37miss a thing.
15:39Um Dr. Selig is holding up a painting
15:41and there's a hot air balloon, there is
15:44a sailboat, there is a windmill, and
15:47there is a church sitting on the shore
15:49and the sailboat sailing on the ocean
15:51and the hot air balloon's over the
15:53ocean, but on the shore is the windmill
15:55and the church.
15:56>> Yeah, and to me it actually looks like a
15:58house with a It's a house with a wind
16:01vane on the top.
16:02>> Oh, is that what that is?
16:03>> That is a wind vane on the top of the
16:04house. Yeah, yeah, but it could look
16:06like that at a distance.
16:08The idea is that the winds of luck are
16:11ubiquitous. They are always blowing. And
16:13there are different ways in which we
16:15engage with them. Some people stay
16:17inside the house. And they shut the
16:20shutters and they don't even pay
16:22attention. They don't even see them.
16:24They might open the shutters and see
16:26them, but they you know, they might not
16:27even do anything. Okay, I'm just going
16:28to turn the other way. Now, there are
16:30some people
16:31who are like a wind vane. They're at the
16:33top of the house. They're noticing the
16:36opportunities. They're swiveling on
16:38their axis, but they're not doing
16:40anything with it. They're just looking.
16:41Oh, there's an opportunity there and
16:43there and there. They're not doing
16:45anything.
16:45>> Oh my gosh, this is if you're the kind
16:47of person that has been thinking forever
16:49>> Yes.
16:50>> without applying for that job or using
16:52social media to market yourself or
16:54you're the kind of person that has been
16:55thinking about going back to school or
16:57thinking about getting an online dating
16:59profile, you are the weather vane
17:01spinning around in the wind doing
17:03nothing.
17:03>> Exactly.
17:04>> Going nowhere.
17:04>> Exactly.
17:06Or you could be a hot air balloon. Now,
17:08hot air balloon, you know, you're the
17:10winds of luck are taking you where they
17:12may. You don't really have much control,
17:14but you know what, there are times in
17:16our life when it's reasonable to be a
17:17hot air balloon, to be a leaf in the
17:19wind, and say, "You know, I'm just going
17:21to see where my interests take me."
17:22Yeah. So, that's a reasonable thing to
17:25do.
17:26But, then, once you start
17:27[clears throat] seeing an opportunity
17:28where you go, "Wow, there's something
17:30here there." You can become a windmill.
17:33And a windmill is where you are really
17:36capturing the winds of luck in that
17:38local area, and you are harnessing all
17:41the luck you can.
17:42>> that.
17:42>> Okay, you get a job somewhere.
17:44>> Yes.
17:44>> go, "Okay, I am going to be the best I
17:47can in this job."
17:48>> Got it.
17:49>> I am going to I am going to see what I
17:51can make of this, and I In fact, one of
17:53the things I tell my students is you
17:54don't get a job, you get the keys to the
17:56building. You go, "Okay, I'm going to
17:58see what this where this takes me."
17:59>> Oh, I love that. Hold on a second. I
18:01want to make sure that you really got
18:04what Dr. Selig just told you, cuz this
18:06is something that I am sending this to
18:09all three of our adult children right
18:11now. You do not get a job, you get the
18:13keys to the building.
18:14>> You bet.
18:15>> And you create your own luck in that
18:17job, even if you hate the job,
18:19by showing up to that job every day,
18:23and doing the things you're about to
18:25tell us to do, and bringing a certain
18:27type of energy, and a certain level of
18:29of excellence, and a certain attitude in
18:33order to capture the opportunity that is
18:37swirling around that office that you're
18:39dragging yourself into.
18:41>> Exactly.
18:41>> So, you can choose the bad attitude, or
18:44you can choose to have a different
18:45attitude. But, what you're here to say
18:47is
18:49trust my research. There is opportunity
18:53everywhere for the taking if you wake up
18:56and recognize it.
18:57>> Right. And you can take it further,
18:58though.
18:59>> Okay.
18:59>> You can become a sailboat.
19:01>> And how do I do that?
19:02>> The sailboat
19:04is looking for the luck. It's out there
19:07searching for the winds of luck. Right?
19:09You can be capturing the luck like a
19:11windmill where they are locally, or you
19:14can be a sailboat where you're out there
19:16with a goal, a specific goal in mind,
19:19and you're saying, "How do I get to
19:21those winds to get me to that
19:23destination?"
19:24>> Got it.
19:24>> So, let me put this down cuz it's kind
19:26of big. And I want to talk you about how
19:28to become a sailboat.
19:30>> Okay.
19:30>> I want to talk to you about that.
19:32Because if you want to be a sailboat to
19:34capture the winds of luck, there are
19:36three things you need to do. First, you
19:38need to build that sailboat. The next is
19:41you need to recruit your crew.
19:43And third, you need to hoist the sail.
19:45>> Okay.
19:46>> And this is very important to separate
19:48these three things.
19:49>> Okay.
19:50>> You build your sailboat, that's all the
19:52internal work. You know, it's funny.
19:54There's a Whenever I tell people I'm
19:55writing a book about luck or I'm doing
19:57work on luck, they go, "Oh, yes, yes,
19:59fortune favors the prepared mind." Well,
20:02I love that quote. You know, Louis
20:03Pasteur, great quote about fortune
20:05favoring the prepared mind. But what is
20:08the prepared mind?
20:09>> know.
20:09>> That sailboat is your prepared mind.
20:11>> Okay.
20:12>> That is all the internal work that you
20:14need to do to be ready to ultimately
20:17catch the winds of luck.
20:18>> Okay, so let's stop right with building
20:20the sailboat, okay? Because I know as
20:24you're listening and watching right now,
20:26you're like,
20:27"All right, I'm with you, Dr. Selig, but
20:28how do I build a sailboat? What does
20:29that actually mean? How am I doing the
20:31internal work to turn this brain of mine
20:34that's told me my entire life, 'Oh,
20:36things like that don't happen to a
20:37person like me. Oh, I'll never get out
20:40of this debt. I'm not going to be this
20:41way. I'm not smart. I'm not good cuz I'm
20:43I can tell you right now that doesn't
20:44sound like you're building a sailboat.'"
20:46So, what are the specific things that we
20:48need to do or know or change in order to
20:52take advantage of step one, which is you
20:54got to build that sailboat in yourself?
20:55>> Exactly. And it's very, very important.
20:58>> Okay.
20:58>> One is you need to know what your core
20:59values are.
21:00>> Okay.
21:00>> If you do not have those core values,
21:02which are like the keel under your boat
21:04that keeps you steady, you're going to
21:06be manipulated by people who ask you to
21:09do things that are not ethical, they're
21:11not legal. I mean, this is how people
21:13get caught when they don't have their
21:15core values. And in fact, I can tell you
21:17a story about what happened to me when I
21:19was young and I I didn't know how to do
21:21this. I had taken my first job right out
21:25of graduate school and it was a company,
21:27it was a med tech company and I was so
21:30eager. I was just wanting to do
21:32everything right and the president of
21:33the company asked me to go at to a
21:36conference.
21:37And it was a conference actually being
21:39hosted by a competing company and he
21:42asked me to go
21:45not as a member of the team of this
21:47company
21:48but as Dr. Seelig from Stanford.
21:51And he was my boss.
21:54I
21:55Why should I question him? I had never
21:57thought about whether this would be
21:59ethical or not. So, I said, "Sure, of
22:01course I'll go." So, I got in a plane, I
22:03went to Chicago, I registered Dr. Seelig
22:06from Stanford,
22:07went to the conference and as the
22:09conference started, it was relatively
22:10small conference. At the end of every
22:12session, I raised my hand and asked all
22:14sorts of probing questions because I
22:16knew a lot about this technology because
22:17I was working at a competing company.
22:19>> Yeah.
22:20>> And they started getting suspicious.
22:23And they called up my company
22:26and they said, "Is Tina Seelig there?"
22:30And of course
22:32the receptionist said, "Yeah, no, no,
22:33no, she's not here. She's at a
22:35conference in Chicago."
22:38And so, I was getting into the elevator
22:41to go up to my room
22:43and two people followed me in.
22:46The door shut
22:48and one of them turned and hit the stop
22:51button.
22:52>> Are you What did you think was
22:53happening?
22:54>> I had no idea. I turned around and they
22:56looked at me, they backed me in the
22:57corner and they said, "Are you a spy?"
23:00I mean, I burst into tears, honestly. I
23:02was like, "Oh my gosh." But they, you
23:05know, they they said, "We called your
23:07company." They were very funny. They
23:08said, "We understand you're the VP of
23:10marketing the company," which was sort
23:11of a joke since I was like an intern.
23:13But uh they escorted me out uh very
23:16quickly. And I sat on the
23:18sidewalk thinking, "What happened?" And
23:21I realized it was because I hadn't even
23:23taken a minute
23:25to think about my values.
23:28And to think about and I was
23:30>> very unlucky, wasn't I?
23:32>> Because I should have said to my boss,
23:33"Of course I can't do that. I can't
23:35misrepresent myself."
23:37And so
23:38one of the first things you need to do
23:40is really think about what your core
23:41values
23:41>> How do you figure that? Is there like a
23:42simple way to really
23:45think about what your core values are?
23:48Because I can think about moments in my
23:49life, for example,
23:51um a period of my life where when we
23:54were struggling financially as a young
23:56married couple with kids, my core value
23:58was safety
24:00and security. And so I said yes to lots
24:03of stuff I wouldn't do right now because
24:05I wanted to pay the bills. And it was
24:09aligned with my values then.
24:11My values now have shifted because I
24:14still value security and safety, but
24:16it's not on fire right now. And so I I I
24:19have different values, but I think it's
24:21one of those things where
24:23it's it's it's not something that people
24:26stop and think about. So how would you
24:28recommend if the person listening right
24:30now, because I think we all we all want
24:32to be luckier, and we certainly want to
24:34open up the wins and like capture as
24:37much opportunity as we can,
24:39but how do you figure out what you
24:41actually value?
24:42>> So there are a lot of ways to do it.
24:43>> Okay.
24:44>> And a lot has to do with taking the time
24:45to actually think about it in advance.
24:48>> Okay.
24:48>> Think about what your values are. Are
24:50you going to misrepresent yourself? Um
24:52there's a slippery slope. You know, once
24:54you make one decision to do something
24:57that's not ethical, it's much easier to
24:59do make the second decision. Right? Once
25:01you've done the first one,
25:03that that door is open. And you have to
25:06think about who you want to be in the
25:07world. You also can put together a
25:10personal board of advisers. This is a
25:12really helpful tool. Who are you going
25:15to go to when you're asked to do
25:17something where you have a kind of a
25:18spider sense, where you go, "You know
25:21what? This doesn't smell right."
25:23>> Mhm.
25:23>> Who do I go to to get some feedback? And
25:26it's also really helpful to have the
25:29ability to walk away.
25:31To have Now, it's [clears throat] really
25:33difficult when you're in a situation
25:34where you're feeling financially really
25:36vulnerable and you go like, "I don't
25:37know what to do." But often times, uh
25:40there's a case we used to use with our
25:41students many years ago about um
25:44somebody who had taken on a lot of
25:46financial debt, you know, bought an
25:48expensive house, moved to a new city,
25:50did all sorts of things that were
25:51expensive. And then, when the company he
25:54was working for started doing things
25:55that were illegal, he couldn't leave cuz
25:58he couldn't afford to give up the job.
26:01So, think about not putting yourself in
26:03a position where you're so tied
26:08to an organization or to some situation
26:11where you can't walk away if you're
26:13asked to do something that you find is
26:15unethical.
26:16>> Well, I can give another example and
26:17let's see if this one checks out, Dr.
26:20Selig, with the with the research you've
26:21done. I was talking to a friend over the
26:23weekend who's in a relationship
26:25relationship and this person knows that
26:28they don't want to be engaged to the
26:30person that
26:31asked them to be married.
26:33And she was going on and on and on about
26:36it because it's a very difficult
26:37decision. And she said, "Well, the
26:38problem is, you know, I just really am a
26:40peacekeeper."
26:41And I said, "Hold on a second.
26:44That's what you were
26:47in your first marriage,
26:49which is why you were miserable.
26:52You kept the peace
26:54and you never told the truth.
26:57You
26:58in this chapter have made it very clear
27:00that what you value more than anything
27:02is being a truth-teller.
27:05And I would imagine that if you don't
27:07understand what your core value is in
27:10terms of why you want to be even in like
27:12a romantic relationship, I want to be
27:14with somebody where I can be fully
27:15myself
27:17versus constantly suppressing what I
27:20feel and what I need in order to make
27:22somebody else happy,
27:24you will never ever ever build this
27:26internal sailboat and the winds of
27:28chance are going to steer you to all
27:30kinds of relationships because you don't
27:32realize you actually value that rather
27:34than just companionship. Does that make
27:36sense?
27:36>> Exactly, exactly. And that's just one
27:38piece of the puzzle, is your core
27:39values. You need to know, which is sort
27:41of tied into what you just said, um the
27:44story you tell about who you are in the
27:45world. Right? We each have a story of
27:48who we are and that story is always
27:50shifting depending upon uh who we're
27:52with
27:54and how we feel about ourselves and the
27:56ability to own that story.
27:59>> This message is brought to you by Apple
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28:51>> If your story is really awful,
28:54I'm not smart, I'm not good enough,
28:56nothing ever works out for me. How do
28:58you start building this sailboat?
29:01>> Great. So, you need to understand
29:05that you can do little experiments every
29:07day.
29:07>> Okay.
29:08>> You need to be willing to take some
29:10risks, to get out of your comfort zone,
29:13and to try something different.
29:15>> Okay.
29:17>> Now, let me ask you now. Yes. And please
29:19call me Tina.
29:20>> Okay, yes. Sorry, I keep calling you Dr.
29:21[laughter] Sealey. Sorry.
29:23>> It's okay.
29:24Are you a risk taker?
29:26>> Absolutely.
29:27>> Okay.
29:28Most people answer yes or no. But risk
29:31is much more nuanced. They're all
29:34different types of risks.
29:35>> said depends.
29:37>> I know, but get But you said yes.
29:39>> See, you're so smart.
29:40>> Okay, depends.
29:40>> yes, I take a risk. But no, that's not I
29:42always take a calculated risk. Exactly,
29:44but think about the different types of
29:46risks.
29:46>> in a hot air balloon just going,
29:47throwing caution to the wind.
29:49>> Exactly, but think about the different
29:50types of risks. Let me show you
29:52something.
29:52>> Okay.
29:53>> This is the riskometer that we use in
29:56our classes,
29:58where students map
30:00their risk profile.
30:01>> Okay, now I want to just explain for the
30:03person who's listening right now,
30:04because this we're going to walk you
30:06through this, and as Tina walks us
30:09through each of the six different types
30:12of risk that you're going to be faced
30:14with in life,
30:16I want you to think whether you have a
30:18high or low tolerance, because you're
30:20ranking it zero to 10. And all she has
30:23is a circle, and there are six different
30:25points on it, and she's going to walk us
30:27through it right now. And as Tina walks
30:29through each of the six types of risks,
30:32I want you to be answering this for
30:34yourself, because I think this is a
30:36really interesting way to get into
30:37values.
30:37>> Exactly, exactly. And to to out what
30:40type of risks you're comfortable taking,
30:42and where you want to stretch.
30:43>> Okay, great. So, let's go through each
30:44one.
30:44>> Right. So, this is called a spider
30:46chart. It looks like a spider web.
30:48>> Yes, it does.
30:48>> Where the center is zero and the outside
30:51is 10.
30:52>> Okay.
30:52>> So, you map you map yourself on it. So,
30:55let's try this.
30:56>> this together.
30:57>> Okay. So, I think you and I are actually
30:59pretty similar. So,
31:00yes. So, physical risk, you are Where
31:02would you be on a scale of 1 to 10?
31:04>> Oh, gosh. I'm probably
31:07like a six.
31:09>> Oh, really? Okay. Great.
31:11>> And and I want you to
31:12and I want you to be thinking as you're
31:14listening or watching, okay, where am I?
31:15Zero to 10 on physical Are you a big
31:17risk-taker? Like my husband and my son
31:20>> [snorts]
31:21>> You know, I'm just like, can we please
31:22bring it down from like a nine to a
31:25five, please?
31:26>> Exactly. Exactly. My son was a very
31:28competitive cyclist and every time he
31:30would go out on his bike, I would just
31:32hold my breath till he got home.
31:33>> a cyclist. You know, I'm like, can you
31:34not listen to music as you're like
31:36cycling down the road at 40 miles an
31:38hour? At least yours has a helmet.
31:39>> Okay. So, let's talk about
31:41emotional risk.
31:42>> Okay.
31:43>> Telling someone how you feel.
31:44>> Oh, I'm a 10. I'll take any cuz it
31:46doesn't feel risky to me to to share how
31:50I'm feeling.
31:50>> Great.
31:51>> How about you?
31:52>> I I'm very high. I mean, I'm happy to
31:54tell you that I love you.
31:56>> Oh, I love you, too. And I love you as
31:58you're listening and watching. For
31:59somebody though that is like lower on
32:02the emotional risk, what what what might
32:04that feel like in your life that you
32:06would be scared of?
32:06>> It feels vulnerable to tell someone how
32:08you feel. You know, that maybe you feel
32:10anxious or maybe you feel scared or
32:12maybe you feel
32:14you know, maybe you really like someone
32:16and you're afraid to tell them.
32:18>> Got it.
32:19>> Right? And so, someone who is more has a
32:21high risk profile there, it's like, I'm
32:23going to tell you.
32:24>> Yeah.
32:24>> Um um I always feel that you tell people
32:27things and you get data, right? You get
32:29some data back. Um social risk. Now,
32:32talk to me about
32:32>> social risk. What falls in the category
32:34of social risk?
32:35>> Being willing to get up and give a toast
32:37at a wedding, giving a talk.
32:39>> Talking in a meeting at work.
32:40>> Exactly. Being out being out in front of
32:43the world. Being you know, being out
32:44there and it's not emotional but you're
32:46you're
32:47you're going to get out there and you're
32:49talking in public.
32:50>> I'll tell you. So,
32:52the sort of things where I am giving a
32:56toast or I'm talking in a meeting or
32:59certainly because I've developed the
33:01skill of giving speeches in arenas, I
33:04have zero
33:06fear about it. So, I would put myself at
33:08a 10. However,
33:10however, when I when this show was
33:14nominated for a Golden Globe, I had
33:17never walked a red carpet.
33:19I am not at all comfortable putting
33:22myself out there in terms of a beautiful
33:25dress and look at me and I would say I
33:27was about a two.
33:28>> So, isn't that interesting? I think this
33:30is fascinating, Mel.
33:31>> Okay.
33:32>> Because you had never done it before.
33:34>> No.
33:35>> But if you had done it two, three, four
33:36times, it would have been natural.
33:39>> Yes.
33:40>> have been easy. You're happy to make
33:42social risk cuz you've been doing it so
33:44much. And this is super important,
33:46right? If you start out saying, "Oh my
33:49gosh, this is uncomfortable for me." You
33:51can stretch. You started as a two but
33:53the next time you do it, you'll be a
33:54four and then you'll be a six
33:56>> And I'll tell you what, I'm not buying a
33:57dress. I'm going to borrow it next time.
33:58It [laughter] turns out a lot of people
34:00borrow from designers but I was the
34:01idiot who bought it. Yes.
34:03>> Okay, for the next time you'll be a nine
34:05next time. [laughter]
34:06So, okay, let's talk about financial
34:08risk.
34:09>> Okay. So, this is one where I would be a
34:11zero. I don't want to take any risk
34:12financially because earlier in my life,
34:15the first 40 years, I was I took all
34:17kinds of risks. I was stupid with my
34:19money. Racking up the credit cards,
34:21maxing out the home equity line, living
34:24in some sort of fantasy, like somehow
34:26I'm just going to get lucky and even
34:28though I'm making all these dumb ass
34:29decisions, this is going to somehow to
34:32all like I
34:33So, now now that I've experienced the
34:36pain of driving myself. Now, you know
34:39what's interesting about this, too?
34:41I can look backwards and see how my
34:45decisions
34:46created
34:48a situation where I was very unlucky.
34:50>> Yes.
34:51>> But it's because your behavior was your
34:52>> Yes. choices you made.
34:53>> Yes, there were like not everything
34:55there are some things that swing that
34:57are not that are unfortunate. But my
34:59decisions certainly put me
35:02within striking distance of having a
35:05major catastrophe, and that's what
35:07happened.
35:07>> Exactly. So, I I have to say I have to
35:09assume you take some financial risk
35:11because your business, you have to be
35:13your
35:14>> We're we're like we are I'm I I I don't
35:16want to I don't ever want to be in a
35:18situation
35:20where I have scaled a business too
35:23quickly that I then have to lay people
35:25off. Like there are people people that
35:27and their families that depend on the
35:30decisions that my business partner and I
35:32make, and so I think we're both very
35:34very like risk-averse
35:38when we think about the implications of
35:40what we say yes and no to.
35:41>> Right. Okay, fabulous. Well, this is
35:43Now, it's interesting because you might
35:45think that some people like venture
35:47capitalists have a really high financial
35:49risk profile.
35:51But they're always trying to squeeze all
35:52the risk out. Right? Just like the
35:55person who's jumping out of the
35:56airplane, they're going to make sure the
35:57parachute is is packed properly.
36:00>> Yes.
36:00>> So, you know, it's really it's it's very
36:03interesting
36:04that the more prepared you are,
36:07it doesn't feel like a big risk, right?
36:09You have this company with 50 people who
36:11depend on you. You feel like it's a low
36:13financial risk. Someone on the outside
36:15will go, "Wow, that's risky." But you've
36:17squeezed all the risk out
36:18>> Yes.
36:18>> by testing and doing lots and lots of
36:20experiments
36:21>> Yes.
36:21>> and scaling really slowly so that it
36:24doesn't feel like it's a financial risk.
36:26>> Great. And the next one's intellectual.
36:28Intellectual like a yeah, that you're
36:29going to go try something new, stretch,
36:33think about things you haven't thought
36:34about before, solve a problem that's
36:36intractable.
36:38>> I'm I I don't even consider I'm so
36:40intellectually curious, it's a 10. Let
36:42me ask you about intellectual risk. What
36:44are some everyday examples of what
36:45intellectual risk looks like in your
36:47life?
36:48>> Um
36:49It's usually problem solving. You know,
36:51it's you know, it's you've got a problem
36:53that is in front of you and you're
36:56willing to tackle. It's like, "Okay, I
36:57can figure this out." Um I'm a huge
36:59believer that every problem is an
37:00opportunity. The bigger the problem, the
37:02bigger the opportunity and that's a real
37:05entrepreneurial mindset.
37:06>> Yes.
37:07>> And you can foster that. You can really
37:09develop um the ability to take on more
37:12intellectual risks.
37:13>> So taking a risk means instead of
37:15feeling like life is running you over or
37:17there are no opportunities or nothing's
37:20going to ever work out, it would be an
37:22intellectual risk to say, "Well, maybe
37:25there's something I can do here."
37:26>> Well, let me give you a story. I was
37:28asked to teach one week
37:31about entrepreneurship in the new design
37:33school at Stanford. I was like, "What
37:34can I do in one week?"
37:36So I had 14 teams and I gave them each
37:39an envelope with $5 in it.
37:42And I said,
37:43"You can brainstorm as long as you want,
37:45but as soon as you open this envelope,
37:46you have 2 hours to make as much money
37:48as possible.
37:50What are you going to do?"
37:52And this was I basically gave them
37:53essentially nothing, right?
37:55A few dollars and they needed to figure
37:57out what value they could create.
37:59>> Okay.
37:59>> Now, there were the people I knew you
38:00could do something. I could have a
38:02lemonade stand or a car wash or do
38:04something small. And there were the
38:05groups that did that. Then there were
38:07the groups who said, "Hey, you know
38:08what?
38:10That $5 is a red herring. I don't need
38:12the $5. I've got all sorts of skills."
38:14And they set up a stand to pump bike
38:17tires in the middle of campus and they
38:19made $200, you know, because and halfway
38:21through they said, "Hey, let's not
38:23charge people. Let's just ask for
38:24donations." and people paid them more.
38:26Or they made reservations at restaurants
38:30in Palo Alto and as the you know, with
38:32long lines and as the reservation came
38:34up,
38:35they sold the reservations.
38:36>> Oh, to people waiting in line.
38:37>> Waiting people in the line, yeah. So, um
38:40but then there were the people who said,
38:42"You know what? The $5, the 2 hours was
38:45a red herring. The $5
38:48was a red herring. Maybe my 3-minute
38:50presentation class is where the value
38:52is."
38:54And they sold it
38:56for $650.
38:57>> What do you mean?
38:58>> To a company who wanted to recruit the
39:00students in the class.
39:01>> Oh my gosh, so they took their slot
39:04where they were going to present their
39:06findings and they called a company and
39:08said, "Do you want to come and pitch a
39:09Stanford design class?"
39:11>> Exactly. And the reason I call this an
39:13intellectual risk is they had to like be
39:15creative, right? They had to come up
39:16with creative solutions. What do I do
39:19when I have nothing? And this is also
39:20tied to luck because guess what?
39:23Opportunities are everywhere.
39:25Most people think, "Oh, I don't have any
39:27money." But these students created all
39:28this value with nothing. Looking around
39:31and seeing the problems that
39:33were around them and figuring out how
39:35they could come up with solutions.
39:36>> Why does taking risks,
39:39whether it's a small financial risk or
39:41it's a small social risk or it's a small
39:44physical risk, small intellectual risk
39:47to put yourself out there, why does that
39:50create luck?
39:53>> Often times it's because you get
39:54yourself out of your comfort zone.
39:57There's such great examples. Uh let me
40:00tell you a story
40:03that sort of encapsulates a number of
40:05these principles.
40:07There was a young man who reached out to
40:09me a few months ago. Maybe actually
40:10maybe it's about a year ago.
40:12A young man, his name is Oliver,
40:14and he reached out to me after he
40:16watched my TED Talk on luck. And he
40:18said, "You know what? I really resonate
40:20with all of this and I want to become a
40:22luck coach."
40:24>> Okay.
40:24>> I said, "A luck coach? That sounds like
40:26a great idea."
40:28Uh and he said, "Could I just have 5
40:29minutes of your time? I just want to
40:31talk to you."
40:32And I said, "I would be delighted." So,
40:35I set up a time to talk to him and then
40:36we had a really nice chat.
40:37>> way,
40:38you could either look at that one moment
40:41and say, "Well,
40:42he was really lucky that you said yes.
40:46He was really lucky that it was you and
40:48not some curmudgeon professor." But, I
40:50think your point is
40:53if he hadn't taken the risk to ask for
40:56the meeting,
40:58it never would have happened. And so,
41:00he's creating the luck. Just to kind of
41:01get you to understand cuz most people
41:04think, "Oh, I should reach out to Tina."
41:06And then you go, "But, she's so busy and
41:09she's not going to have time and I don't
41:10want to be a burden and what do I
41:12actually say with the email?" And da da
41:14da da da da da. So, you talk to yourself
41:17out of doing the thing that could
41:19actually create the luck that you want.
41:21>> Exactly. And it could have been that I
41:23didn't respond,
41:24>> Yes.
41:24>> right?
41:25There's so many examples where you have
41:26to send a letter to 500 people
41:29>> before you end up getting a couple
41:30people who respond to you.
41:31>> Of course.
41:31>> But, here's the thing. I did respond. I
41:33was intrigued. I had just started
41:36working on this book.
41:37And I said, "Oh, that's interesting. A
41:39luck coach. Let me find out what he's
41:41doing." And he told me and I spent
41:44literally 5 10 minutes on the phone with
41:46him. And this is important. He asked for
41:48a 5-minute favor.
41:50A very small thing that was going to be
41:52an easy thing. He made himself easy to
41:54help.
41:55>> Mhm.
41:55>> Just 5 minutes of your time.
41:58So, afterwards, what did he do?
42:00He sent me a thank you note. Now, do you
42:03know how many people do not send thank
42:04you notes?
42:06It is the most amazing thing when
42:09someone does something for you,
42:12it is a huge missed opportunity if you
42:15do not send a thank you note. So, he did
42:17the right thing. He sent a thank you
42:18note, but he didn't stop there.
42:22He sent me a long list. He sent me a
42:23document with all these ways he could
42:25help me. He said, "I understand, you
42:26know, you're writing a book on luck.
42:28Here different ways I can help you."
42:31I was so intrigued.
42:34Now, nothing that he listed was exactly
42:36what I wanted, but I thought, "Oh, this
42:37guy, he really took the initiative
42:40here." And I hired him
42:43as a research assistant for the book.
42:44Now, I had never, ever used a research
42:47assistant for any of my books, ever. So,
42:49this was But, I thought, "You know, I
42:51think he can might be able to help me."
42:52So, I hired him as a research assistant.
42:56Over the next months, I got to know him
42:58in our calls. There's a whole chapter in
43:01the book about him.
43:03Now, this all started with him
43:06asking for a 5-minute favor.
43:08>> I love the thank you note example. Do
43:10you know what I love about the way
43:12you're teaching us this is the risk
43:16assessment that you do on yourself
43:18reveals the things that you value and
43:20how your actions are probably holding
43:22you back. And that's a core part of
43:25really building the sailboat of who you
43:27are. And the second part was the crew.
43:29So, how do you build the crew?
43:31>> Exactly. Exactly. So, asking for what
43:33you want, but also helping other people.
43:35The more you help other people, it comes
43:38back in wave upon
43:39wave upon wave. It's really im-
43:42important to understand that the more
43:45you give to other people, the more comes
43:47back to you.
43:48And I I can tell you so many examples
43:51because when I talk to people about what
43:52makes them lucky, you start realizing
43:55that one of their key characteristics is
43:57their generosity.
43:59Their generosity to others,
44:01you know, how can I help you? How can I
44:03help you? Seeing someone as a problem
44:05and helping them.
44:07It comes back often times
44:10when you help somebody in a little way,
44:13it was so meaningful. You might even
44:14forgotten you did it.
44:16The resulting
44:19feedback you get, the resulting impact
44:22is so much more.
44:23>> Why does helping other people make you
44:26luckier?
44:27>> Because so many so few people do it.
44:29>> [laughter]
44:29>> So many people are just, you know,
44:32thinking about themselves. I have a
44:34great example of a fellow named Nir Eyal
44:37who, when he was younger, he was selling
44:41solar panels. And he was going door to
44:44door to door
44:44selling solar panels selling solar
44:46panels. And there were so many people
44:48who didn't really want solar panels and
44:50they go, "But I do want to save energy.
44:51I'd really I'm looking for a heat pump."
44:53Well, he noticed
44:56that someone else in the neighborhood
44:57was putting in the heat pumps. He didn't
44:59know this guy at all.
45:00But he said, "You know, I saw this other
45:02guy is putting in heat pumps doing a
45:03really good job." And started
45:04recommending him. Well, this guy found
45:06out said, "Wow, you're recommending me.
45:08I don't even know who you are." He said,
45:09"Well, I saw you were doing good job on
45:11heat pumps." And guess what? This guy
45:13started recommending him for solar
45:14panels.
45:16And his business boomed.
45:18And it came from just being generous in
45:20recommending someone else.
45:21>> Do you have another example, Tina, of
45:24something that I could do today that
45:27would also help me experience this?
45:31>> There's so many things you can do to
45:33show appreciation to others. One of the
45:35biggest gifts you can give someone is to
45:37introduce them to someone else. And the
45:40warmer and more positive the
45:42introduction, the more powerful it is as
45:46a gift. It it's one of the things that
45:48we so um often miss that opportunity.
45:52But when you introduce someone to
45:54someone else in a really warm and
45:55wonderful way, you've not only created a
45:58great opportunity for them, but I can
46:01promise you it comes back to you in many
46:02ways because people are so incredibly
46:05grateful to have had that generous
46:08introduction.
46:09>> You know, another thing that I just
46:11thought of, and you'll have to tell me
46:12if this is an example, is if I'm
46:15standing in a line or if I'm ordering
46:17coffee at a coffee shop, I always
46:19compliment something that the person's
46:22wearing or their nails or their haircut
46:24or their smile, and it always opens up
46:29both this like
46:30positive energy exchange.
46:32>> I agree with you totally. In fact, I
46:35think it's it's one of the best things
46:37you can do is like say, "I love that
46:39color on you." Or you know, or wow, you
46:42know, your hair cut. Did you Did you get
46:44a cut? And honestly, well, I mean
46:46>> Like you with strangers, I'm like, "I
46:47love your nails." Or you have the best
46:49smile, and people just light up.
46:51>> I I agree with you, but it's should be
46:54authentic. It's not as It's not that
46:57you're doing it to be manipulative. It's
46:59like really
47:00>> You love their nails.
47:01>> Of course. Or their haircut. Or their
47:02purple sweater.
47:03>> Yes.
47:04>> Yes, exactly.
47:05>> also had I experienced
47:08something coming alive and the energy
47:11shifting with a stranger while I'm
47:14standing in line, and I feel that just
47:17that simple thing, try it today. If
47:20you're standing in a line, see something
47:23authentically about the person in front
47:24of you or behind you, and give them a
47:26compliment. And I If you make this a
47:28habit,
47:30you'll start to have the doors of luck
47:32open up for you. Before I had a podcast
47:35and I was depressed in a new town and I
47:38had no friends,
47:39I
47:40forced myself to stir the pot cuz I
47:42realized after 6 months of sitting alone
47:44as a 53-year-old woman with no friends
47:47in the middle of nowhere cuz we've just
47:48moved from living somewhere for 26
47:50years, feeling sorry for myself. Funny,
47:53that didn't make friends fall out of the
47:54sky, but I still like licked my wounds
47:57and felt sorry for myself and I'm so
47:58unlucky cuz now I've moved and I don't
48:00have random money and money.
48:02I started changing my luck
48:05by forcing myself to get out of the
48:07house and going to a coffee shop,
48:10complimenting the person making the
48:11coffee,
48:13making myself remember their name, going
48:16back the next day, saying their name,
48:19complimenting something else, making
48:21small
48:22small talk one move day after day after
48:27day
48:28and slowly I made my own luck. I met
48:32friends, I built a community, I now walk
48:34into that coffee shop. I probably get
48:36more free croissants than anybody
48:38[laughter] else because
48:40not that I'm lucky, I created
48:44the opportunity for what I actually
48:46wanted, which was community and
48:47friendship. What is the third thing that
48:50we need to do to catch the winds of
48:53luck?
48:54>> Great. So, the first was building your
48:57ship, right? This is all the internal
48:59stuff. And the internal things like your
49:01values, the story you tell about
49:02yourself, your risk profile, your goals.
49:06Then the second part
49:08is recruiting your crew, right? I like
49:10to say luck seldoms sails solo, right?
49:14Luck is usually comes as a result of
49:17your engagement with other people. And
49:19so this is asking for what you want,
49:21helping others, showing appreciation,
49:24all sorts of things that allow you to
49:27build your team.
49:29The third
49:31is based on the quote that we hear all
49:33the time.
49:34The harder I work, the luckier I get.
49:36Have you ever heard that?
49:37>> Of course. It's true.
49:39>> Okay, but but but there's a missing part
49:43there. Just as fortune favors a prepared
49:46mind, you know need to know what a
49:47prepared mind is.
49:50The harder that work, the luckier I get.
49:51You need to know what that hard work is.
49:53>> That's true.
49:54>> Okay, you need to know what it is.
49:56It's easy to say that. I have had a
49:57debate for decades with my father about
50:01this.
50:01>> Actually, I I agree because I've worked
50:04very hard spinning in place.
50:07So, I
50:08I'm excited for you to unpack that
50:10there's a certain type of hard work.
50:12>> There's so much. There's so much you can
50:14do and
50:15so much has to do with taking some
50:18risks, stirring a pot, you know,
50:20introducing yourself to the person
50:22standing next to you in line for coffee,
50:24um
50:25stretching beyond your comfort zone.
50:28>> One of the other ones that I loved is
50:30that you need to quote capture luck.
50:33That luck favors those who ask
50:36questions. Why does asking questions
50:41increase your chance for luck? Great.
50:43It's chapter 14 of your book.
50:46>> One of
50:47the biggest tools we have for capturing
50:50luck is being curious. And boy, you are
50:53so curious, right? And it really leads
50:55[laughter] to a lot of luck because you
50:57ask lots of questions. And the more
50:59questions you ask, the more curious you
51:01are, the more you learn. I always like
51:05to tell my students that before
51:08something's your passion, it's something
51:10you know nothing about.
51:11>> Mhm.
51:12>> And this is really important. People
51:13want to sit around and say, "I need to
51:14find my passions." Well, what a crazy
51:16thing. Go out and do things. Be curious.
51:20Try lots of things. Keep what works. The
51:23more curious you can be, the more
51:25questions you can ask, and the better
51:27listener you are,
51:30the better you as you know, the more you
51:32meet people and listen and learn from
51:35them, you're going to walk away with
51:37things that you never knew before and
51:39opportunities that will present
51:41themselves that you never even imagined.
51:44>> Well, I I love that we keep coming back
51:46to this framework that's reminding me
51:47and I'm sure it's reminding you as
51:49you're listening or watching,
51:51that this research and this framework
51:54that you're teaching us about luck and
51:57becoming a luckier person
51:59is really about
52:02intentionally
52:05making decisions
52:07to put yourself in a position
52:10to have the things that you want because
52:12I think,
52:13you know, common sense tells you if you
52:15want to meet the love of your life,
52:16you're probably not going to do it
52:19sitting alone on your couch
52:20binge-watching television.
52:22>> Exactly.
52:22>> And yet
52:24when And then you can sit there and say,
52:26"Well, I'm just really unlucky in love
52:27and I've just met the wrong people and
52:28na na na na na na." That may be true
52:30about your past,
52:31but that doesn't have to be true about
52:33your future. And there are specific
52:35things that you're teaching us to do
52:38that can make you
52:39one of the lucky ones to meet that
52:41person at the bar in your pajamas, but
52:44it's going to require something of you.
52:46>> Exactly. We each have more agency than
52:50we may think. And there are so many
52:53levers at our disposal. You know, there
52:55are like 20 different things you can do
52:57every single day, whether it's, you
52:59know, asking for what you want, helping
53:01others, showing appreciation, taking
53:03some risks, learning to be more
53:04resilient, on and on and on, right?
53:07Resolving conflicts. But there's
53:09something very, very important to keep
53:11in mind.
53:13Luck is a long game.
53:16Luck is like investing money.
53:19You start out putting little deposits
53:23and it compounds over time.
53:25>> Mhm.
53:25>> You need to trust the process that the
53:28more deposits you make by doing these
53:31things that increase the possibility of
53:34good things happening, that they do. But
53:37I see people all the time walk right by
53:41opportunities. This is why I wrote this
53:43book is because I see so many people
53:47it's like they're gold coins sitting
53:49there and I see them walk by it. You
53:51have to have a mindset that there's a
53:52prize in every room. It's up to you to
53:54find it.
53:55>> Yes.
53:55>> And with that mindset, you find it. It's
53:59like the $5 project, right? You know,
54:01oh, not everybody is sitting there
54:03saying I should set up a a bike tire
54:05pressure monitor in the middle of
54:07campus, but once you were given the
54:09challenge create some value, people did.
54:13>> You know, of all the tools that you're
54:15sharing,
54:16which, you know, as you're listening and
54:18I'm you're probably just like me as
54:21you're listening to Tina, Dr. Seelig
54:24talk, you're probably like, okay, I
54:26could do I could take a risk. I could
54:28see I I I get it. I see how like sitting
54:30back, staying silent, hoping somebody
54:32finds me, not asking for what I want,
54:36not stirring the pot, not getting out of
54:38my house. I can see how I need to shift
54:42things.
54:43But if you're
54:45listening
54:46and you're feeling skeptical,
54:48maybe you're feeling a little beaten up
54:50by life.
54:53What do you want the person to know
54:54about how this truly makes a difference
54:56over time?
54:58>> Yes.
54:59It is critically important to realize
55:02that the choices you make today
55:05determine the choices you are going to
55:07have in the future.
55:09>> You know, somebody feels really unlucky
55:10right now. What's the first thing they
55:13should do this week?
55:15>> I would say, if you were going to pick
55:17one thing,
55:18>> Yes.
55:18>> do something to stir the soup. Do
55:22something to add something new to your
55:25life. Remember, we are all one decision
55:28away from a completely different life.
55:32Apply for the job, introduce yourself to
55:34the person in line, do something to stir
55:38the soup to open the door to something
55:41new.
55:43>> Dr. Tina Seelig, what are your parting
55:45words?
55:48>> I wish everyone the very very best of
55:51luck.
55:51>> Mhm.
55:52>> And I know I know
55:55that the choices you make today are
55:57going to be reflected over and over
56:00again in waves and waves of good luck
56:02into the future.
56:04>> Thank you so much for being here. I love
56:07you. I appreciate you. I'm so grateful
56:09you're doing all this research for all
56:11of us. And there's no doubt in my mind
56:14that
56:15if you apply this, you will be luckier.
56:18>> Thank you so much.
56:19>> Well, thank you. And I also want to
56:21thank you. And I want to point something
56:22out. And I bet that Tina is going to
56:25say, Mel, that's right.
56:27The fact that you hit play
56:29on this episode,
56:32especially if somebody shared this
56:33episode with you, the fact that you
56:36stirred the pot in your own life, you
56:38took a risk and hit play, and you spent
56:40time watching or listening all the way
56:43to the end
56:45is an example of what you are talking
56:48about, Tina. That you took an action
56:51aligned with something that you want,
56:52which is you do want to be luckier in
56:54life. You do want life to break in your
56:56direction. You do want to open up the
56:59sail and capture the winds of
57:01opportunity. And I'm grateful that you
57:04spent
57:06listening and watching something that is
57:08really going to help you do that. And in
57:10case no one else tells you today, I
57:12wanted to be sure to tell you as your
57:13friend that I love you and I believe in
57:15you. And I believe in your ability to
57:17create a better life. And if you follow
57:20the formula that Dr. Seelig shared with
57:23us today,
57:25there is no doubt in my mind that you
57:26will create a better life because you're
57:29going to be a lot luckier cuz you will
57:32have created it. All right, I will see
57:34you in the very next episode. I'll
57:35welcome you in the moment you hit play.
57:37And thank you for watching all the way
57:40to the end. Didn't you love this? I hope
57:42you're generous sharing this episode
57:44[music] with people that you love so
57:46that they can learn all of this research
57:49and apply it to their life to create
57:51more luck. We all deserve that. And one
57:53more thing I wanted to ask you, if that
57:55subscribe button is lit up, would you
57:57please subscribe? It is free. It is the
58:00number one way that you can tell me and
58:03the team here at the Mel Robbins podcast
58:04that you love what we are doing.
58:07Remember, Dr. Selig said, you got to ask
58:09for what you want. So, I'm asking you
58:10for what I want. I want you to be a
58:12subscriber. That way you don't miss a
58:13thing and it's how we know that you are
58:15loving all of the world-renowned experts
58:18that we bring you here on YouTube. All
58:20righty, [music] I know you're thinking,
58:22thank you by the way for doing that.
58:23Mel, what's the next video I should
58:24watch? I'm loving this. You definitely
58:26want to check out this one
58:28>> [music]
58:28>> and I will welcome you in the moment you
58:29hit play.

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