YT YouTube2Text

YouTube2Text → Transcripts → SPÉCIALISTE DES BONNES MANIÈRES : LES ERREURS DE SAVOIR-VIVRE QUE VOUS FAITES SANS LE SAVOIR !

SPÉCIALISTE DES BONNES MANIÈRES : LES ERREURS DE SAVOIR-VIVRE QUE VOUS FAITES SANS LE SAVOIR ! — Transcript

by LEGEND · 19,438 words · 2,973 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

Open in transcriber Summarize with AI Download SRT/VTT

Full transcript

0:00Today, we're hosting Jérémy Côme.
0:02He's the expert, he's Mr. Good Manners.
0:05He's going to teach us the social codes
0:07, how to behave well, and what to do
0:09and not to do. I learned it was rude to
0:11bring a bottle of wine when you're
0:13invited to dinner.
0:14>> Well yes, but it's actually quite
0:15simple. You don't introduce monetary
0:16transactions into friendship and human
0:18relationships. You offer nothing; you
0:20don't offer flowers, or if you do, you
0:22have them delivered.
0:23>> I've always heard different things.
0:25Should you arrive early, on time, or
0:27late? A little, or a lot. So, we always
0:31serve the ladies first. Very good.
0:34>> Then the men.
0:35>> Yes, out of gallantry.
0:36>> No, because if there was poison, it
0:38allowed the men—I promise you, it's
0:39not at all about gallantry. It's linked
0:41to poisoning. What are the forbidden
0:43words that you absolutely must not say?
0:44>> The words? Well.
0:45>> Wait, I feel like everything I've
0:46learned since I was little, you're
0:48telling me not to do.
0:52>> Hello everyone and welcome to Légende.
0:54Today, we are hosting Jérémy Côme.
0:56Jérémy is the expert, he is Mr. Good
0:59Manners. He will teach us the codes,
1:01how to behave well, and how to pay
1:03attention to the impression we give
1:05through small details. For example,
1:08when we are invited to dinner, what we
1:10must do or not do. We've learned all
1:12our lives to say "Bon appétit" or "
1:14Bless you." Well, apparently, that's
1:16bad manners. You shouldn't say that. He
1:18will explain to us why and where that
1:20comes from. All these things we may
1:21have learned since we were young, all
1:23these codes, how they were created, and
1:25because of what? There will also be a
1:26historical context, you'll see. We're
1:29going to set a table behind us here at
1:31the Légende canteen and we'll
1:32deliberately make mistakes on the table
1:34. We'll place the cutlery the wrong way
1:37and so on. We'll go over it with him so
1:39he can explain all the mistakes on the
1:41table. Topics of conversation, how to
1:43prepare topics of conversation. He took
1:46care of Miss France for 8 years. He
1:48also accompanied the Chiracs, including
1:50Bernadette, for years regarding all
1:53these codes. He's going to tell us all
1:54about that. And before we continue the
1:56show, I wanted to remind you that we
1:58are going on tour starting October 7th.
2:00We've booked 18 Zénith venues in
2:02France. 18 of the biggest venues in
2:05France to put on a show, to put on a
2:07legendary show. You'll experience what
2:10you see behind the screen, but this
2:11time in real life for a true experience
2:13. You'll have your phones, but we won't
2:15be allowed to film inside the venue.
2:16You'll understand why on the day. In
2:18any case, you'll be able to see six
2:19guests who left their mark on the
2:20channel. Philippe Boxo, the forensic
2:22pathologist. You also have Julien, who
2:24is a Tiger pilot, a combat helicopter
2:26pilot, an astrophysicist, Anthony, who
2:28will be there, and a couples therapist
2:29who will share some exceptional things.
2:31We will really have some great guests
2:34on this tour, and you can get your
2:35tickets right now on legende-tour.fr,
2:38and more than 100,000 of you have
2:39already bought tickets for the Legend
2:41Tour. Thank you all very much. We even
2:43physically received the platinum ticket
2:46. So thank you all. I'm telling you
2:48this because many cities are already
2:50sold out. There are still a few spots
2:51left. Get your tickets quickly at
2:53legende-tour.fr before they're all gone
2:55. In any case, can't wait to see you
2:56there. And off we go with Jérémy, who
3:02is the expert on good manners on Legend
3:04. Let's go. I am Jérémy Côme, good
3:07manners and French etiquette expert. It
3:09sounds intimidating, but I'm here to
3:12pass on tips so you can feel
3:13comfortable in any daily life situation
3:16. Are you ready? Let's go.
3:21>> Well, there you go. Welcome, Jérémy.
3:23I'll take the clap back. Hello. Hello
3:25Mr. Good Manners.
3:26>> Hello. Yeah, that's very catchy, Mr.
3:28Manners. I like it.
3:30>> We're going to learn a lot of things
3:32today about good manners. For example,
3:33if you're invited to your boss's house
3:35for dinner, how should you behave, what
3:37should you bring? Should you bring a
3:39gift or not? Should you bring wine?
3:41Should you bring chocolates? Should you
3:43bring flowers? I learned a lot of
3:46things while preparing for this show.
3:47Well, I'm delighted.
3:48>> I didn't think I knew everything,
3:50definitely not, but you know, the
3:51basics, telling myself, "Well, when you
3:53go to someone's house, you bring a
3:55bottle of wine or flowers for his wife,
3:57" you know, the basics. And actually, I
3:59learned a lot of things with you. And
4:01>> to tell you a little anecdote, as soon
4:02as I walked into the office to say
4:03hello, he looked at me and said, "Very
4:04nice jacket.""However, the bottom
4:06button, you don't fasten that."
4:08>> It's it's a habit. So I detached it, I
4:11unbuttoned it.
4:13>> No, but we are going to learn things
4:14like that. These are these are social
4:16codes, you know. It's just that when we
4:17are with people, how to behave, you
4:19were saying it was important for living
4:21together well. Well, it means that when
4:24you know, you're always more at ease,
4:26you know. Anyway, let's use the
4:28informal "tu".
4:28>> Oh, with pleasure, dear Mr. Good
4:30Manners.
4:31>> Coco Chanel, Coco Chanel once used a
4:33phrase that said, "The first impression
4:35is the right one, especially if it's
4:37bad." For you who are watching us, if
4:39you think I'm nice, in 3 years you'll
4:40have forgotten my name. If you think
4:42I'm a real jerk, in 10 years you'll say
4:43, "He had on, you know, Jérémy Com."
4:45So, the first impression is the right
4:46one, especially if it's bad. That could
4:48be a topic for a dissertation.
4:49>> What what what is your job? The name of
4:51your job that you see, like on your tax
4:54form or your pay stub. No, but really,
4:56what does it say? People,
4:59>> I am often in my daily life a group or
5:01corporate communications director, and
5:03at the same time, I have a parallel
5:05life, and I am an expert in etiquette
5:08and good manners. So that's why people
5:10call on me, Mr. Good Manners, because
5:11we'll probably talk about it, but Miss
5:13France, the beauty queens...
5:14>> You, you accompanied the Miss France
5:16contestants for, I believe, 8 years.
5:17>> 8 years exactly, thanks to Sylvie
5:19Tellier.
5:20>> And, and they were the ones who called
5:22me Mr. Good Manners. So, what I enjoy
5:24is passing it on; it's the transmission
5:25of knowledge. Because those who know
5:27the most can do the least, and above
5:29all, if someone catches you in the act
5:30and says, "Hey, Guillaume, we don't do
5:32that," you'll have the perfect response
5:33: "I know exactly how it's done, but I
5:35have the right not to do it because I
5:36know how." You were an advisor to
5:37Bernadette Chirac, for example.
5:39>> I worked 8 years by her side. Yeah. At
5:41the Hospitals of Paris-Hospitals of
5:42France foundation, so the "Pièces
5:43Jaunes" operation at the time.
5:45>> And it's true that I was quite close to
5:46the Chiracs; by the way, did you advise
5:48Jacques too on how to behave at dinners
5:50?
5:50>> No, that was another, another role that
5:52wasn't mine. I was really by Madame's
5:54side, and in her life, mainly on the
5:57charity side.
5:58>> You, you work with famous people too
6:00sometimes, celebrities who call you for
6:02advice or who are new to fame.
6:04>> Exactly. There are those who find fame
6:06and are a bit lost,
6:07>> and suddenly get invited to big dinners
6:09and such. They don't know how to behave
6:10.
6:10>> Yeah. Yeah. They don't know how to
6:12behave. They don't know how to dress.
6:14They don't know whether or not they
6:15should bring a gift. What gift should
6:17one give?
6:17>> Or we never know what gift
6:18>> it's always a hesitation. And then
6:21there are also business leaders who,
6:22thanks to meritocracy—and I think
6:24that's great—reach high positions,
6:25but at the same time they know well
6:27that for the first lunch or dinner,
6:28they don't really know how to act.
6:31There are law firms, and also great
6:33houses on Avenue Montaigne, among
6:35others, that call on my services for
6:37their employees, their sales staff, and
6:39their salespeople. I learned something
6:41while preparing for the show, and later
6:44we'll talk about Jérémy Gom's story,
6:46how he ended up in this field, and how
6:48you got interested in etiquette. I
6:50learned that it was impolite to bring a
6:52bottle of wine when invited to a dinner
6:54.
6:55>> So why?
6:55>> But, precisely, why? I saw that you
6:58told the team that while preparing. Why
7:00is it impolite? I, we all have a
7:02tendency to bring a bottle when we go
7:04somewhere, but actually, it's not done.
7:06>> No, because if you come to dinner at my
7:07place tonight, and there are eight of
7:09us, everyone brings me a bottle of wine
7:11.
7:11>> Yes.
7:12>> I've prepared my dinner, the appetizer,
7:14the main course, and I've normally
7:16paired what I'm serving you with wine.
7:19Let's assume it's a Burgundy. You
7:20arrive with a very good bottle of
7:22Bordeaux. It messes everything up. I'm
7:26forced to open it because, normally,
7:28one opens the wine
7:29>> that is gifted
7:31>> in front of the guests so they don't
7:32think I'm just stocking my cellar for
7:34free.
7:35>> But it might not go with the meat I had
7:38planned to serve. That's why you don't
7:40bring any. Normally, one shouldn't
7:41bring gifts when going to someone's
7:42house for dinner.
7:43>> Not at all.
7:43>> Not at all.
7:44>> Is that true?
7:45>> Yes, but I personally find it extremely
7:46impolite. You see, that's funny. That's
7:48interesting to talk about. I find it
7:50very impolite. You're invited to your
7:51boss's house. Or to someone important
7:53to you, where there's something at
7:54stake, to arrive empty-handed. I find
7:56that it's just weird.
7:56>> Well yes, but it's actually quite
7:57simple. You don't bring financial terms
8:00, you don't bring money into friendship
8:01and human relationships. I come over
8:04for dinner at your place, I'm going to
8:06offer you a € 200 bottle of wine.
8:07>> Oh yes,
8:08>> it might be nothing to me, but for you,
8:10that represents a huge amount. And you
8:12think to yourself, "Oh dear, what am I
8:13going to get him when I go to dinner at
8:15his place?"
8:16>> It will make you uncomfortable.
8:17>> Exactly. In any case, codes and good
8:19manners are always meant to put others
8:21in the best possible position. We
8:22should never put anyone in a situation
8:25of discomfort. So we don't offer
8:28anything, we don't offer flowers, or if
8:30we do, we have them delivered. Same
8:34thing tonight, you're coming to dinner
8:35at the house, you are...You don't offer
8:37flowers when arriving at a dinner party
8:39.
8:39>> No, because if you come to dinner at my
8:41place tonight, you're always...bouquets
8:43, I turn into a florist,
8:47>> unless I have staff, but we don't all
8:49have live-in staff. So that means I
8:51have to find vases, I have to arrange
8:53the flowers. It can be embarrassing.
8:55>> Exactly, in the best-case scenario,
8:56I'll see you again for dessert. So if
8:59you ever want to offer flowers, you
9:00have the right to, but they must be
9:02delivered before or after the dinner.
9:05>> And I tend to say they should be
9:06delivered after, because if it was nice
9:08and very good, the bouquet will be all
9:09the more meaningful than if you had...
9:12>> It's classy to send a bouquet the next
9:13day.
9:13>> Oh yeah, it's very elegant to say we
9:16had a lovely evening, everything was
9:18delicious. Thanks for this moment, even
9:20if that was already taken by Valérie,
9:21but it's...You must have flowers
9:24delivered before or after lunch or
9:26dinner. What are good manners for? Who
9:28invented good manners? Who invented
9:31protocol? Let's say the act of placing
9:34...we'll see it later, but for example,
9:36the fork on the left, etc. All those
9:37things are quite ancestral, but it
9:39really goes back to the court of 2014.
9:42It's historical.
9:43>> But why do good manners exist? It's
9:44quite simple to understand. All of us,
9:47we have different upbringings,
9:48different religions, different
9:49inspirations, and yet we must live
9:51together. It remains the only common
9:54thread that allows us to behave as we
9:57should, to avoid certain, forgive me,
10:00topics of conversation. So it's for
10:03maintaining, quote unquote, social
10:04peace at the office or in daily life.
10:07We’re going to talk about which
10:08subjects you should never bring up at a
10:10dinner. Who you should talk to when
10:13you're at a large table. What you
10:15shouldn't do.
10:16>> Forgive me my question, I don’t mean
10:18to offend you.
10:19>> Can I leave the room?
10:20>> Is it—are good manners a bit snobbish
10:22? Is there a snobbish side to it?
10:24>> I knew you were going to attack me at
10:25some point. I
10:26>> No, it's definitely not an attack. No,
10:27no, it's a real question. Does being
10:29too well-mannered—at some point, is
10:31it just too much?
10:32>> Well, actually, "snobbish" isn't the
10:33right word. It might seem outdated
10:36>> but as I said earlier, when you know
10:38what you should do, you can allow
10:39yourself not to do it. What would be
10:41snobbish is overdoing things. You have
10:44to adapt to the people you're talking
10:46to, but we all want to learn something.
10:48So we can also say that passing this on
10:51is, well, it's a public service. There
10:54are people who will have an interview,
10:56there are people who will marry someone
10:59, a woman or a man, not from their
11:00social background, because background
11:02still matters, and well, when you know
11:05how, it also helps you pass certain big
11:07oral exams with the in-laws. And so
11:10when you know
11:10>> when you meet someone from a different
11:12background, it's like playing in the
11:14big leagues. Well, it's exactly that,
11:16because there are words and expressions
11:17for some people that are dealbreakers.
11:19We are all, I say it and I stand by it,
11:21someone's hick. So "delighted,""
11:24enchanted"—for some people, that's
11:26horrible. "Enjoy your meal,""my
11:28pleasure.""Bless you." Those are words
11:30that make my ears cry.
11:31>> Oh really?
11:31>> Yes, these words are forbidden.
11:32>> Wait, let’s go back.
11:35>> You never say "delighted,""enchanted,"
11:36or "my pleasure." You are delighted to
11:38have made someone's acquaintance. "A
11:40pleasure to see you again in two weeks.
11:41" We speak in full sentences. It was a
11:44time when there were people who were
11:46educated—let's say the bourgeoisie,
11:48the aristocrats—and then there was
11:50the common people, which we all belong
11:52to, but who were mostly farmers, and so
11:55on. And back then they only caught bits
11:56and pieces because they didn't have the
11:58education, and so those who were
11:59educated would make fun of the people
12:01who weren't. That's why we make
12:03sentences, nice to meet you, and it's
12:05always more pleasant to have sentences
12:07rather than just words. That is what
12:10makes the difference between a
12:11conversation and an exchange of words.
12:14>> So, are you going to judge someone who
12:16doesn't have the right manners? Do you
12:18socially pigeonhole someone right away?
12:22There are, I have markers, just as
12:24others have them for me. I'm not going
12:27to judge. We don't all have the same
12:30historical, political, or literary
12:31culture because we are also the product
12:33of what has been made of us. So one can
12:36be born into loving environments and be
12:38very happy licking their knife their
12:39whole life while saying "bon appétit,"
12:41and I sincerely believe that.
12:42>> Money doesn't buy class.
12:44>> Oh, absolutely not. Well, we see it
12:45every day, don't we? Money doesn't buy
12:48class. What kind of job are you
12:49thinking of, for example? It's not
12:51about the job, there are those with new
12:54money, and new money often gives you
12:57access to things—and fortunately, the
12:59nouveau riche showing up suddenly with
13:02cars, that's it.
13:03>> But you also have the right to have a
13:05nice car because you have a passion for
13:07cars.
13:08>> So that's why you shouldn't judge. But
13:10on the other hand, we see those who are
13:11there to...
13:13>> But just because you have money doesn't
13:14mean you're classy, basically. You can
13:15be decked out in all the Avenue
13:17Montaigne brands and be the least
13:19classy guy on the planet. And you can
13:22dress at a brand where the pants cost
13:24€ 3 and the shirts € 5 and be very,
13:26very elegant. It's more about charisma
13:28and being what we call a bit refined.
13:30But that is something that everyone can
13:31be. It's not a question of background.
13:33Can you see someone's social class just
13:34by looking at them on the street?
13:35>> A little bit.
13:36>> And do you see people who are
13:37pretending?
13:38>> Well, a lot.
13:41>> Really? What do you mean?
13:42>> It's obvious.
13:43>> No, but how? Wait, that's interesting.
13:45>> The words used, the attitudes, if the
13:47watch is too far forward on the wrist,
13:50if nothing ever moves. No, no, but
13:53yours is lovely, I noticed it.
13:54>> No, I have an Apple Watch to track my
13:56pulse when I sleep. It's it's a it's a
14:00whole thing but yes, yes, you can tell
14:01with those who talk too much about
14:03their travels or those for whom
14:05everything is too perfect, there's no
14:06false note so to speak. For me, there
14:09are many of them.
14:09>> Wait, you shouldn't wear the watch like
14:11—Wait, this is super interesting.
14:12It’s that we learn things.
14:14>> For example.
14:15>> To create a distraction, folks, if you
14:16want to create a distraction at a
14:17dinner. Why do sleeves have why do
14:19sleeves have two buttons
14:21>> often? It's because this one here,
14:23which doesn't have a watch, I'll
14:25tighten it more.
14:26>> Got it.
14:26>> This one is to let the watch show. But
14:29those with very big watches, they are
14:30always like this. Yeah. Are you okay?
14:32He's showing it.
14:33>> Well, he's showing off the watch.
14:34Exactly. Whereas a watch, well, it
14:36appears, it disappears.
14:38>> Oh yes, yes, yes.
14:40>> I had lunch not long ago with a
14:41gentleman who heads a very well-known
14:42watch brand, and we were just talking
14:44about that. Having a nice watch, when
14:46it comes up a bit by chance in
14:47conversation, compared to when a guy
14:49arrives and you see his watch...it's
14:51often the case that he also has a very
14:52big car. That shines too.
14:57>> I see. No but wait, besides, when you
15:00look at the big tech bosses today, you
15:02see, whether it's Facebook, Mark
15:04Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, they dress in
15:06white t-shirts, black t-shirts, they
15:08have no outward signs, one
15:12>> even though they have incredible things
15:14, they have very pretty cars, but not
15:16on the street, they have everything.
15:17Exactly.
15:18>> Well, sneakers. But you notice them
15:19anyway because it’s not just a random
15:21t-shirt, they aren't random sneakers.
15:23>> That is to say.
15:24>> Well, there are also invisible brands.
15:25Hermès, for example, for me, is the
15:27height of elegance. You don't know
15:29where—you guess it, but it's never
15:32written on a garment.
15:33>> There is no logo.
15:34>> There are a few pieces on scarves where
15:36you might make out the H.
15:38>> We know it's Hermès. That, to me, is
15:40elegance. It
15:41>> a cashmere brand also, very important.
15:42>> And the t-shirts, do you think the
15:44white t-shirts, for example, worn by
15:45Elon Musk or the others, are Hermès
15:47t-shirts? You can tell. Yes, yes. Show
15:49me. Yeah, of course. But how do you
15:51recognize a white Hermès t-shirt?
15:53There’s no No, it's true, it’s in
15:55the collar because the knit isn't
15:56exactly the same, because the finish is
15:58impeccable, because you'll see—if you
16:00look closely, I don't observe
16:01everyone’s clothes, but the seams are
16:03discreet. Basically, you can see it’s
16:05manufactured, it’s craftsmanship.
16:07I’ve always been told, I’ve always
16:09heard one thing, which is that
16:10sometimes people working in companies
16:12or whatever would see people come in
16:14wearing half-holed t-shirts, dressed
16:15really shabbily, and yet they were the
16:17richest people in Paris.
16:19>> And sometimes it’s invisible.
16:20>> Obviously, but we...you just have to go
16:22to Dior, for example. Take the Dior
16:25boutique on Avenue Montaigne, for those
16:26who live in Paris: when you see the
16:27look of the customers on the street,
16:28you’d almost give them spare change,
16:30they look like they’re begging, and
16:31at the same time, they’re the ones
16:32leaving with the biggest Dior bags.
16:34There’s also a snobbery there,
16:35actually, there’s a snobbery involved
16:37too. Right now, to act
16:38>> like dressing trashy.
16:39>> Exactly. Pretending to look dirty, the
16:42ripped jeans aren't a coincidence. What
16:45is the detail that really makes you say
16:48that a person is 100%rich? The shoes
16:51often, and we shouldn't say "chaussures
16:53," we should say "souliers." Often the
16:57person who has nice shoes, but they can
16:59be sneakers too, mind you, they’re
17:00never chosen by accident. And socks for
17:04a man, it's the socks.
17:06>> Socks are important.
17:07>> Yeah, socks are important.
17:08>> It's important that they go up so you
17:10don't see skin when you’re in a suit.
17:11That you don't see. Well like me right
17:13now, see that, a huge lack of taste.
17:15You just need to pull them up. Look.
17:17There you go.
17:17>> And look now, you’re instantly more
17:19elegant. But for real, and it goes up,
17:20and there you go.
17:21>> You have to wear MIBA.
17:22>> Is there actually a sock brand—for
17:23real—is there a brand of socks that
17:24is really good for when you’re
17:25wearing suit trousers?
17:26>> Yeah.
17:27>> What is it?
17:27>> Mes Chaussettes Rouges? They are socks
17:30that were originally the supplier to
17:32the Pope.
17:33>> They aren't just red, you know. It’s
17:35>> not just red ones. It's actually a
17:37library of socks. It's Mes Chaussettes
17:38Rouges. You can buy them online. There
17:40are boutiques, one in Lyon, one in
17:41Paris. I don't have any shares in the
17:43company. And there,
17:44>> yes, he doesn't earn anything.
17:45>> I don't earn anything. And you can
17:46really have a, well, it’s a range,
17:49it’s a library of socks. That’s
17:52great.
17:52>> There you go, that’s really the goal
17:54for Jérémy Com when he came and we
17:55invited him. I’m telling you because
17:57I often ask, I say, what is your goal,
17:59why are you coming? Do you have
18:00something to sell? Do you want to
18:01promote a book? It’s just about
18:04sharing. That’s exactly what you told
18:05me, right? Well, it’s because it’s
18:07the truth. I just want to pass on my
18:09little bit of knowledge and then people
18:10can do what they want with it because
18:11I’m criticized too, you know.
18:13>> Why?
18:14>> Well, people think, who does he think
18:15he is? I don’t think I’m anyone.
18:17It’s just that I believe the more
18:19equipped you are in every field, the
18:20more comfortable you are, the more you
18:22get to the point, and the faster you
18:24move. Before talking about the Chiracs,
18:28you worked with Bernadette for 7 years.
18:30So you saw Jacques too, your
18:31discussions, we’ll, we’ll talk
18:32about that. Uh, you can guess
18:34someone’s social class by seeing
18:36their engagement ring. I, I heard you
18:39say that. What does that mean? How can
18:41you tell? Well, because it’s, it’s,
18:44it’s something very standardized. The
18:46ring is very social. The woman or young
18:48woman who gets married when she is in a
18:51circle where the future husband can
18:53afford to get her a ring, there are
18:55family stones. Normally, the engagement
18:57ring is a stone given by the in-laws
18:59that you have set for your fiancée.
19:02That’s it.
19:03>> It’s a stone that gets passed down.
19:04>> Exactly, it’s a stone that gets
19:05passed down. And that’s why if you
19:06ever divorce, which I don’t wish for,
19:09you return the engagement ring when
19:11it’s a family heirloom. If it was
19:15bought, the woman can keep her
19:17engagement ring because it’s, it’s
19:19a part of the assets that...Exactly.
19:21And the engagement ring, it’s very,
19:24it’s a stereotype that the more
19:25important it is, the prettier the stone
19:28, the better it’s set.
19:29>> So it has to be big, right?
19:31>> The engagement ring is often
19:32>> it’s the only thing you can really go
19:33all out on, basically. And I notice it
19:35right away, I’m on the subway, I see
19:36exactly in the subway the women who
19:38have engagement rings.
19:39>> How did you end up working with
19:40Bernadette Chirac and what were you
19:42doing by her side?
19:43>> Well, I studied law, and then at one
19:45point, I left to walk the Camino de
19:47Santiago. I think my father thought, "
19:48Damn, he's going to become a priest,"
19:50and he told me, "You need to find a job
19:51." And then, one thing led to another,
19:55I had an interview to actually join the
19:57Paris Hospitals-Hospitals of France
19:59foundation, so the "Pièces Jaunes"
20:01operation, and work for Mrs. Chirac,
20:03who was the president at the time.
20:05There, I took care of everything legal,
20:07donations, bequests, and during the
20:09Pièces Jaunes TGV train tour, I looked
20:11after the artists. So, I accompanied
20:14all the singers during the three days
20:16on the train, and that was truly an
20:17incredible period of my life. I was
20:19young, it was an atypical job, you know
20:21, especially as a first job.
20:22>> You followed them
20:23>> the Chiracs?
20:24>> Yeah.
20:24>> On certain trips. Yeah. On certain
20:26outings
20:27>> in a delegation, there. And with them?
20:28>> Yeah. I went once or twice in a
20:30delegation.
20:31>> And, as someone who saw them up close,
20:32did Jacques Chirac have the codes? Did
20:34he have the social graces of high
20:36society, you know?
20:37>> He had them. He had them, but with a
20:40lot of elegance and ease. In any case,
20:42you can't be Bernadette Chirac's
20:44husband without having any codes. It's
20:45not possible.
20:46>> Why, did she have a lot of codes, her?
20:48Oh, well yes, Bernadette was born
20:50Chodron de Courcel, a family that was
20:52very attached to its status, its values
20:54, and the codes linked to the
20:55aristocracy. And naturally, you don't
20:59share 50 or 60 years of someone's life
21:02...It's not, it's not impermeable.
21:05Human relationships are permeable,
21:06especially in a couple. But he played
21:08with them with a lot of elegance, I
21:10think, and also with a lot of
21:11perspective. Which made him a real
21:13character. Jacques Chirac, he's still
21:15one of those Presidents of the Republic
21:16. When he entered somewhere, when he
21:18arrived, there was real charisma,
21:20>> there was charisma. Which isn't the
21:22case for
21:22>> Did you really see that charisma? Did
21:23you think to yourself, this really is
21:24something? Oh yeah, he called me "buddy
21:26," so I was Jacques Chirac's little
21:28buddy, and that was pretty, it was
21:30pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah. I was, I was
21:33deeply moved by his passing because,
21:36not speaking of politics, he was quite
21:39a character, and his final years were a
21:41bit sad, you know.
21:45>> What, what is the chicest evening
21:46you've ever attended, where you thought
21:48, "The standards are truly very high
21:49here, it's impeccable"? Oh well, I've
21:52...there are big weddings. It’s often
21:55at weddings that you notice if families
21:57have refined codes, and so on, and then
22:00, of course, receptions, whatever they
22:03may be at the Élysée, like when we
22:05were thanking all the participants and
22:08volunteers, it was a lunch held at the
22:10Élysée. The service is impressive;
22:13you just think, "Wow."
22:14>> Are there really strict codes at the
22:15Élysée? Oh yes, absolutely. Yes,
22:17because first of all, there is the
22:18French protocol. It is, after all, our
22:21primary showcase; there is protocol,
22:23and Mrs. Chirac was very attached to
22:25that. So, there was beautiful tableware
22:27, everything was...no, everything was
22:29magnificent. The flowers were carefully
22:31chosen; I mean, you weren't arriving at
22:33some little restaurant or a
22:34hole-in-the-wall.
22:35>> Earlier, you mentioned that there were
22:37public figures who would call you.
22:38Could those be, I don't know, football
22:40players or people who have jobs that
22:41have nothing to do with that? Of course
22:43, more and more athletes, more and more
22:45because, because we are judged, we can
22:47say what we want. Everyone claims to be
22:50kind-hearted. No, people are mean. So,
22:53it's mostly lunches and dinners that
22:55are the most nerve-wracking, because
22:57it's a moment when you have time to
22:59watch others, and all the mistakes you
23:00might make in everyday life are
23:02crystallized at the table. So I am
23:05often asked, "Can you quickly explain
23:07the seating chart to me?" A seating
23:09chart? Can you explain the cutlery to
23:10me? You are very young, but there is an
23:13entire generation that doesn't know. I
23:15am
23:15>> not so young anymore, sir.
23:16>> Yes. But do you remember the film
23:18Pretty Woman?
23:19>> Yes.
23:19>> They teach her all the cutlery, and bad
23:22luck, it's snails.
23:23>> Well, the table is a bit like that. And
23:25then you become the laughingstock of
23:26someone because you didn't know how to
23:28behave at the table. And I find that
23:31sad. That's why I want to pass on as
23:32much as possible because I hate it when
23:34people mock others for no reason. We
23:36>> feel uncomfortable. Of course. Or
23:37there's nothing
23:38>> worse. Nothing worse. Mean. We'll show
23:40you in a moment. We're going to go, we
23:42set up a table, uh, right behind here.
23:44Uh, well, we're going to the break room
23:46, actually, at Legends. We have a small
23:48room where we can all have lunch. Uh,
23:51and they really set up a nice table, uh
23:53, with mistakes intentionally placed.
23:56>> I haven't seen the table yet. We'll go
23:58there together. I'll try to find them
24:00with you. Well, it should be easy, but
24:02you'll tell me if it's right or not, or
24:03what's wrong, what's right.
24:05>> First of all, you didn't make a mistake
24:06because you said "where we have lunch,"
24:07and I can't stand hearing people say "
24:09eat lunch." We eat an apple, but at
24:11noon we have lunch and in the evening
24:12we have dinner. There, that’s settled
24:14. Should there be etiquette classes in
24:17school, classes on social graces?
24:18Should there be an hour a week to learn
24:20the code of conduct?
24:21>> Yes. Yes. I find that when I was young,
24:24even though I was in public school, I
24:27had a civics class on Thursday mornings
24:29. Exactly.
24:30>> Civics. It's gone.
24:31>> It's gone, or rare. Yet good manners,
24:35they would allow, I think, well, good
24:36manners are ancestral. We need tips to
24:39know how to be comfortable in all life
24:41situations, but it should happen
24:43because we all want to do well, overall
24:46. You made a mistake on purpose; I said
24:48"set up a table" instead of "lay a
24:49table."
24:50>> So why do we say "lay a table"(*dresser
24:51*)? Because in the past, French
24:53furniture appeared quite late. We’re
24:55not going to have a history lesson.
24:56There were no tables. So when we wanted
24:58to have lunch or dinner, we basically
25:00took logs and a plank and we "laid" the
25:02table. We lunched or dined almost in
25:05silence and then removed the table to
25:07drink and talk. And you didn't correct
25:10me on "setting up the table" because
25:11it's very impolite to correct someone.
25:13>> Exactly. I might tell you afterward.
25:16I'm taking notes, but you don't make
25:18unpleasant remarks to good friends or
25:21family; it's bad manners, I think, to
25:23go and correct someone. On the other
25:26hand, you can let them know they have a
25:27piece of lettuce in their teeth or
25:28their fly is open. Look, I checked
25:32before coming in. Wait, how do you tell
25:35someone? That's a very good—wait,
25:37I’m going to get into some really
25:39personal stuff, but indeed, someone who
25:40has a piece of lettuce, something in
25:42their nose, whatever—how do we let
25:43someone know? If I’m looking at you
25:46and we're face-to-face, if I do this
25:48>> yes
25:49>> generally you’re going to do that.
25:50>> Yeah.
25:51>> There’s mimicry. If the person
25:52doesn't understand,
25:53>> you pick your...but that's very bad.
25:55Well, you can
25:55>> Well, you can do like this. There you
25:57go. Hop, you’re going to do it. So
25:58with a bit of luck, they’ll remove it
25:59. The zipper, that's another thing. So
26:01discreetly,
26:02>> you get up and you do
26:03>> No, you have to say "Ah, yes, yes."
26:06>> You make a small gesture, because
26:07there’s nothing worse than thinking I
26:08went to the bathroom at 1:00 PM, I get
26:09home at 8:00 PM,
26:12>> and there I realize that all afternoon,
26:14I’ve had my little bird out in the
26:15open.
26:16>> Or else at the end of a date, you look
26:17in the mirror and you see you had
26:18something in your tooth. I put a mirror
26:20on the landing near my door in Paris so
26:22people can check themselves when they
26:24arrive, because sometimes, when you
26:25arrive at someone’s place, you want
26:27to freshen up, you fix your, you never
26:29know what you look like, and it allows
26:30everyone to adjust a bit.
26:32>> If someone has something in their nose,
26:33it’s the same, you do this.
26:34>> Yeah, you have to do a little—you
26:35touch your nose, you go up. Yeah, you
26:37do
26:37>> Wait. And then last thing, it’s much
26:39more awkward and I don't think I know
26:42how to do it. Fear
26:44>> if someone smells bad. No, but it’s
26:47happened to all of us to end up in a
26:49room and you go, "Oh, surprising!""And
26:51>> and and how do you handle something so
26:54complex
26:55>> kindly? because sometimes it could be a
26:57friend who didn't realize, they were
26:58stressed, they had something,
27:00>> you have to say it, but always
27:01separately—you take them aside, you
27:03manage to whisper it in their ear,
27:04there's deodorant in the bathroom if
27:06they're at your place.
27:07>> No, but it's doing them a favor.
27:08>> It's doing them a service. For example,
27:10when I go to train or advise staff in
27:12hotels or restaurants, going to a very
27:14nice restaurant might be something very
27:17routine for some, but it could also be
27:19a year's savings for others. And people
27:21want to have a very good time,
27:23>> a Christmas gift,
27:24>> Christmas, a wedding gift. Anyway,
27:26except that we are totally unequal when
27:28it comes to sweating. You can be very
27:31chic, wash every day, and an hour later
27:33you can sweat and unfortunately, your
27:34sweat can smell. Well, overall, you
27:37know it, well yes, except the first few
27:39times.
27:40>> So you have to manage because perfume
27:42isn't a good thing, you know. Perfume
27:44wasn't for hiding bad odors, it was
27:46meant to enhance your silhouette and
27:48the appearance you gave off. So we
27:50don't put perfume on top of sweat. On
27:52the other hand, you can have wipes and
27:54from time to time, you wipe yourself
27:55with a little wipe under your arms, for
27:57example.
27:58>> And if someone has, you know, bad
28:00breath, it's happened that someone gets
28:02very close to you to talk and you have
28:04a little recoil movement.
28:06>> That's the thing I often ask myself. Do
28:08I have bad breath or good breath?
28:10Because we don't know. That is
28:12>> by putting your hand in front of your
28:13mouth. No, you can't really do that.
28:14There's another trick, but I don't want
28:16to do it to find out. Uh, we can know
28:17it, but we do it. You just have to put
28:20a bit of your saliva on your hand and
28:22smell your hand, and that gives you a
28:24clue to know if you have bad or good
28:26breath.
28:26>> But it's delicate to tell someone, but
28:28sometimes it can ruin a moment for you.
28:29>> Oh, it can ruin a moment.
28:30>> Oh, it's atrocious.
28:33>> We've all ended up next to someone who
28:35had a hard day
28:36>> and that's why humans are malicious.
28:39Human beings are malicious because when
28:41you know it, you're going to repeat it.
28:42Oh my, did you see Cindy, did you see
28:44how Paul Edouard's breath smelled?
28:46We've all done that, and that's not
28:48nice. So that's why you have to go save
28:50someone, but you have to know how to
28:51say it. Moving on to the table now. How
28:53to behave when you are at the table? Uh
28:55, you were saying earlier that it was
28:57impolite to say" bon appétit "
28:59>> to say it quickly.
29:00>> So," bon appétit ".
29:02>> We were always taught to say" bon
29:03appétit "at the start of
29:04>> so it's very friendly, but careful, I'm
29:06telling you not to say it, why? Because
29:09" bon appétit "is like saying to
29:11someone," good luck, "if you knew what
29:13was waiting for them, and worse, it
29:15refers to digestion. So it's as if you
29:17were basically telling someone enjoy
29:19your digestion or enjoy
29:21>> did you understand? So we never make
29:23reference to what goes on inside the
29:26body. It's private. So we have to say
29:29—so you'll ask me, well what do we
29:30say? Well, we say that looks delicious.
29:32Let's not wait, I hope you'll have a
29:34good time. I prepared this dish with
29:36joy. So saying, who does the other
29:37person think they are? But we always
29:39say a little sentence, but we don't say
29:41bon appétit because all those little
29:42phrases are cringey. You see, it
29:44depends on how it's said.
29:45>> Exactly. If you—wait, but if you—no
29:48, you shouldn't take yourself too
29:50seriously, you have to do it with a bit
29:51of humor, and besides, you're allowed
29:53to say nothing. Let's start, it's going
29:55to get cold, period. There are
29:57forbidden words.
29:57>> Yeah.
29:58>> What are the forbidden words that you
29:59should definitely not say during a
30:00dinner?
30:01>> Well, the words, bon appétit.
30:03>> Yes.
30:04>> If someone sneezes, do we never say to
30:06someone bless you?
30:07>> Wait, but I feel like everything I
30:08learned since I was little, you're
30:09telling me not to do it. No, because we
30:11don't point out to the group that the
30:12person is sick. So it's the person who
30:15sneezes who will say" Pardon me, please
30:17, excuse me, "and then you will tell
30:19them" You're welcome. "It's the
30:20opposite. You—we are sorry for the
30:22person who sneezes, but we don't point
30:25out to others that the person is sick.
30:27There's always the sense of putting
30:28people in the best conditions.
30:30>> Whereas I say bless you, may your loves
30:32last, what a pain. Well, there you go,
30:33and may you have eternal life and all
30:34that. But hey, I know I'm going to get
30:37slapped on the head for saying this,
30:39because there's also—we don't say it,
30:41because we manage to justify it; we're
30:43with family, we're with friends, and
30:45most of all we want to say it, so we do
30:47, but just know that, in fact, normally
30:49we don't say it.
30:50>> Sure, and so now when someone says it,
30:52you—you notice it right away.
30:54>> But it's horrible because I'm basically
30:56the only one who never says bless you.
30:57>> Ah yes, so it's almost—it comes
30:59across as a
30:59>> Exactly. It's like at the table. For me
31:01, uh, bon appétit, it makes my ears
31:03bleed, so I don't want to say it. And
31:05people must be thinking, who does this
31:07guy think he is, he’s not even
31:08appetizing? Uh, are there some words
31:12that are inappropriate for a formal
31:13dinner? At a formal dinner, when you're
31:16a guest, do you need to watch your
31:18language? Yes, for example, you don't
31:20say" Hello everyone, "it's" Hello Madam
31:22, hello Sir. "You should also never say
31:25someone's full name in a group. It's"
31:29Hello Sir, hello Guillaume. "But not"
31:33Hello Mr. Pla "or" Hello Guillaume Pla.
31:34"
31:35>> You never say the first and last name
31:36together.
31:36>> You never say the surname when you're
31:39with people or in a shop, for example;
31:41you don't give away someone's identity
31:44in front of strangers. Maybe someone is
31:47looking for you because you stole their
31:48wife, or didn't pay your taxes, or for
31:50many other reasons.
31:51>> So you don't say the name.
31:52>> No, it's hello Sir, hello Guillaume, or
31:54just, there you go.
31:54>> Just the first name.
31:55>> Exactly.
31:56>> Uh,
31:57>> and at the table, sorry, at a friend's
31:58house, are there conversation topics
32:00that should be avoided? Money is taboo
32:02in France. There
32:03>> are topics. So, what topics should not
32:05be brought up at a dinner party?
32:07>> Money is taboo in France.
32:08>> You never talk about money.
32:09>> No.
32:10>> At a formal dinner? Be careful, or when
32:12you're with people you don't know. If
32:14you go to dinner at your boss's house,
32:15>> you normally don't talk about money
32:17because no one ever agrees. There is
32:19jealousy of success. There's the one
32:21who finds out how much you make when
32:23they think they work harder than you do
32:24. So that creates friction. We don't
32:26talk about sex.
32:28>> Well, that's obvious.
32:29>> Yes, but I’d bet you that happens at
32:31plenty of dinners. It’s a topic that
32:33comes up quite easily. Oh yes.
32:35>> Well, there are the braggarts.
32:36>> And then there are those who say," Well
32:37, my life isn't exactly fun. "No, no,
32:40but a formal dinner isn't going to
32:41start turning into crude talk or sex
32:43talk immediately.
32:44>> Ah, yes.
32:45>> Money, sex.
32:46>> Religion, never bring up religion. No
32:49one ever agrees; there are those who
32:51believe, those who don't, those who
32:53believe less, those who have other
32:55beliefs. And since humans only consider
32:57their own perspective, inevitably the
32:59other person is wrong. It's the same
33:02thing with politics. So, these are a
33:04few subjects that shouldn't be brought
33:06up if you want social peace around your
33:08table.
33:09>> Who do you talk to when you're at a
33:11dinner party with a large table? Who
33:13should you avoid talking to, and who
33:15must you talk to?
33:17>> Well, there isn't anyone you shouldn't
33:18talk to, but on the other hand, you
33:20should talk to the neighbors on your
33:22right and left, and those across from
33:23you. So, basically, if you're at a very
33:26large table, it's a bit frustrating
33:28sometimes because you wanted to be next
33:29to Jacques or Marie-Chantal, and you're
33:31next to Nicole and Paul. And you're a
33:33bit bored and you hear on the other
33:34side
33:34>> your ex laughing their head off. So,
33:37each person should normally divide
33:40their conversation time equally between
33:42their neighbors on the right and left,
33:45and in the past, it was up to the men
33:48to lead the conversation. Yeah. Well,
33:51today fortunately it's no longer like
33:53that, but it used to be the man who had
33:54to lead the dinner.
33:55>> What were you doing with Miss France?
33:56You worked for 8 years with the Miss
33:58France committee with Sylvie Tellier,
34:00who was the head of the committee, and
34:02you were asked to...what were you doing
34:05for this committee? Well, I accompanied
34:07the 30 contenders for the Miss France
34:10title on their sunny trip, the hard
34:12labor of my month of November in often
34:15heavenly destinations. And I would
34:17teach them, well, the art of the table;
34:19I would give them tips so they felt at
34:20ease, because they still ask me for
34:22them, those who
34:23>> it's before the election, it's actually
34:25before the election which is often at
34:26the end of the year, yes, the election
34:27is in December.
34:28>> The election is in December and
34:30>> and basically there are 10 days in the
34:31sun
34:32>> for them to get to know each other,
34:34etc.
34:35>> First, there's the regional election,
34:37and then all the misses who are elected
34:39in their regions go up to see the
34:40committee and head off on a trip
34:42together, and that's where all the
34:43little videos are.
34:45>> The little interviews by the seaside."
34:48Well, I'd like to fight against... "
34:50>> And so that all happens there, in the
34:53sun.
34:53>> So you were there. I was there for 8
34:55years and I accompanied them with the
34:57art of the table, giving them tips on
34:59what to do and what not to do, the art
35:00of conversation too, and the art of
35:02public speaking. Because what you have
35:05to understand is that these 30 young
35:07girls, I always say, the day before
35:09arriving in Paris and heading off to
35:11the sun, they were with their best
35:13friends at a kebab shop.
35:15>> Yes, they have their lives, they're
35:17young, they're everything. Except when
35:19they go back to their region a month
35:20later, even if they aren't elected,
35:22they're Miss France. And then, everyone
35:24asks for their opinion on everything.
35:27They go from a nice restaurant with
35:28their friends to dining to the
35:30mayor’s right, attending a theater
35:31opening, and it’s disarming. You're
35:34helpless. Well no, the social codes
35:35aren't the same. And these are young
35:37people; back when I was one of them,
35:38they were very young girls. They were
35:39between 18 and 23 or 24 years old.
35:41What’s the craziest thing you’ve
35:42seen, without naming names or anything?
35:43That’s not interesting. It’s just
35:44to picture what the craziest breach of
35:45etiquette you saw was, where you
35:46thought," Wow, they totally don't have
35:48the codes, there’s some work to do. "
35:49Well, in many things, but there’s,
35:51how should I put it, it was hilarious.
35:54I was, I don't remember, I think in
35:56Guadeloupe or Tahiti, and I was
35:57teaching 10 young girls how to eat
35:59langoustines and shrimp with their
36:01knives and forks. It’s true that it
36:04isn't easy, though.
36:05>> It isn't easy, no.
36:06>> And there’s one Miss who, hop—we
36:07were being filmed at the time by a TF1
36:09crew, and I had the laughing fit of my
36:11life. So I told her," No, that’s not
36:13at all how you do it. "And she replied,
36:14" Well, actually, in*The Tuches*, they
36:16do it like that. "And right there, I
36:18thought," We aren't from the same
36:19generation. "And*The Tuches*had become
36:21the reference point. I was still at the
36:23*Pretty Woman*stage, as I was saying
36:24earlier, and for her, it was*The Tuches
36:26*. And that just made me laugh. But
36:28overall, we need to stop thinking that
36:30there’s so much work to do with the
36:32Misses. These are young women now, much
36:34more so than in some past eras, who
36:36study, who live an experience, who
36:38understood it was a stepping stone, and
36:40today we have access to education and
36:42knowledge much more through social
36:44media, our tablets, and so on. So, they
36:46are girls of their generation, of their
36:48time, and they truly represent the
36:50French population.
36:52>> Is there a word that the new generation
36:54might use that makes your skin crawl?
36:56Yeah, but that’s the same thing. It
36:57changes every year. Right now, it's" ma
36:59go. "I didn't know what a" go "was.
37:00Yesterday, I gave a training session to
37:02some young women who work in aesthetics
37:05and they kept saying" My girl, my girl,
37:07"it makes me laugh, but it's
37:09generational. But it's
37:10>> My girl, it's my my sister, my mother,
37:13it's a bit of everything. My g-
37:14>> it's usually my my girlfriend, normally
37:16.
37:16>> My girlfriend! That's it. But here, she
37:18was talking to her boss and it was" My
37:19girl. "So I Ah yeah! So it's it's
37:21affectionate, it's friendly. And all
37:23the little words, you say that you have
37:25I you know you I heard that you said"
37:26bro "when because there are some who
37:28called you" bro. "Oh well yes. No but I
37:31I have given classes during the year uh
37:33to students, female and male. I gave a
37:36topic for a little in-class assignment
37:38and suddenly a student panicked because
37:40she didn't understand the topic. She
37:43called me" Yo bro, I don't get your
37:45topic. "And I said to her" Excuse me? "
37:48I thought it was a joke.
37:49>> Ah yes, the gap between the two worlds.
37:51And yet, I'm often their favorite
37:52teacher because they find me cool.
37:54>> But that," bro, "didn't go over well.
37:55So, well," bro "escorted the student to
37:57the principal's office. Oh well yes, it
37:59made me it made me furious.
38:01>> I told her," I respect you, you have to
38:03respect me, and until proven otherwise,
38:05I only have one brother, and it's I'm
38:07not and it wasn't my sister. "" So I'm
38:10just asking you to say to me You don't
38:12have to call me 'sir,' but at least
38:13don't call me 'bro.' "That's a word
38:16that makes you
38:17>> Ah, it drives me crazy, bro, it really
38:19drives me crazy. I mean, I'm not her
38:22brother, you know. Anyway, and I also
38:25find that it removes it removes the
38:27very essence of the word brother
38:29>> which is important. Words have meaning.
38:31>> Important. Well yes, words have meaning
38:33. And I'm not her brother, I'm
38:36>> Do you give yourselves advice on how to
38:39be conversational at Miss France? I
38:42think that's part of the stuff, but how
38:45to be conversational, how can you have
38:47>> A lot. Well, first of all, there are
38:49subjects that are a bit universal:
38:51movies, travel. But at the same time, I
38:55tell the Misses, but especially the
38:57people I train, that when you know
38:59you're going to a lunch, that you have
39:00a professional meeting and you're going
39:02to have to talk, it's easy to find out
39:04a little about the person's passions.
39:07Today, we know everything about
39:08everyone. We can go and find out about
39:10their passions. We also look, for
39:12example, if we arrive in a region, well
39:14, what happened in the city we're
39:16arriving in? What happened in that
39:19region? There are also topics, well
39:22it's a bit complicated, but current
39:23events in the world. There are hostages
39:26, there are wars, there are earthquakes
39:27. Well, that requires a little
39:28preparation. It's how we should prepare
39:30.
39:30>> Yes, it requires preparation.
39:31>> Before going to a dinner.
39:32>> Yes.
39:33>> We always wonder what we can talk about
39:34. We can always be. We will all be
39:36invited at least once in our lives to
39:37something for some reason or another.
39:39My chance says wow I don't know what
39:40I'm going to say to them, I have
39:41nothing to say to them. Exactly, it's
39:44happened to us all, even with in-laws,
39:46you were saying it before, you can be
39:47invited to the in-laws ', what am I
39:49going to talk about on Sunday?
39:51>> You're not passionate about golf but
39:52you know your future father-in-law
39:53plays golf, you're not into gardening
39:54but you know he's hoeing all the time.
39:56>> You think about the
39:57>> the common ground a bit.
39:58>> Exactly. And it's like when you
40:00introduce people, you organize a
40:02professional cocktail party, you arrive
40:04, you host a dinner at home when you
40:05introduce people who don't know each
40:07other. Hello Guillaume, let me
40:08introduce Charles. Charles, let me
40:10introduce Guillaume. You have Hey,
40:11that's funny, I hadn't realized but you
40:13both love sailing. Bam, you're going to
40:15have a good time.
40:16>> Well, and then it allows you to go to
40:17other guests and to leave them, because
40:19otherwise...
40:20>> you're going to
40:21>> well yes, you're stuck.
40:22>> We've all found ourselves
40:23>> with the wallpaper. I call that the
40:24wallpaper.
40:25>> You're stuck with someone and you don't
40:26know how to leave.
40:28>> So, say a little something to get out
40:29of it. It's not very honest.
40:31>> Ah,
40:31>> you can say that you feel your cell
40:33phone vibrating. So you take out your
40:35phone, excuse me, I have to take a call
40:36, and you never come back. Or if it's a
40:41cocktail party, you offer," I'm going
40:43to get a drink, would you like one? "
40:44and then you never come back.
40:46>> And if the person asks," Hey, bro, you
40:47never came back. "You say," Well, no, I
40:50got caught up by Nicole. "Nicole,
40:51you're responsible.
40:52>> Oh yes, you have to use a bit of humor.
40:54And we head off to either the bar or
40:56the restroom. What do we say when we
40:58need to go to the restroom? It's at a
40:59very posh dinner party. You're invited
41:00for the first time to your
41:01father-in-law's house, who is a bit a
41:04bit snobby, and you don't know what to
41:06do. You really need to go to the
41:07restroom right in the middle of dinner.
41:08How do we
41:09>> Well, normally, never during the meal;
41:11you have to hold it, hold it, hold it.
41:13And if you really can't take it anymore
41:14, don't make it a topic of conversation
41:15. You tell the person next to you," I'm
41:17sorry, I'm going to wash my hands. "
41:18>> There you go. Ah, we say we're going to
41:19wash our hands.
41:20>> Yeah. Oh no, we aren't going to talk
41:21about the scary word.
41:22>> We don't say we're going to take a dump
41:23. Well, no, that word makes your ears
41:25bleed. Why don't we talk about it?
41:29Because it's private. We don't say,"
41:30I'm going to the toilet, I'll be right
41:31back. "" I'm going to wash my hands, ""
41:33I'm going to freshen up. "
41:34>> We go freshen up, we go wash our hands.
41:36What I love is people who say they are
41:37going to the" W.C. "
41:38>> I find that funny.
41:41>> We can say" to the facilities, ""
41:42>> the latrines. "
41:43>> The latrines, the facilities, but we
41:45don't refer to anything that we don't
41:47want to imagine.
41:48>> You were talking about conversations,
41:49and you also teach them how to say no.
41:52What does that mean? In what sense?
41:54>> In a professional setting and in life
41:55in general, if there's one word we
41:57never dare to say, it's" no. "But we
41:59actually have the right to. It's not
42:01rude to say," No. "" Can you help me
42:03this afternoon, Guillaume? "" Jeremy,
42:06with pleasure, but not today. "" I have
42:08to finish a report. "" No, I have to
42:10leave, but know that tomorrow afternoon
42:12I'll have two hours to dedicate to you.
42:15"It's the way we say no that is
42:16important.
42:17>> But we can say no.
42:18>> Yes, we can say no. And especially in
42:20the workplace, don't reply to an email
42:22instantly." Jeremy, can you help me? ""
42:24Yes, yes, right away. "Well, no, that
42:25just means you aren't really very busy.
42:27We're going to go, we've set up a table
42:29. Well, proper etiquette for dinner or
42:32lunch.
42:33>> We've set a table, we set a table
42:35downstairs in the cafeteria. We're
42:38going to show you where the team eats
42:40lunch. So here, we'll imagine it's a
42:43dinner, that we're invited somewhere or
42:45that we're hosting guests and we've set
42:47the table. We intentionally made
42:49several mistakes. How many, I don't
42:51know. I really let the team do it.
42:53We're going to discover them together,
42:55and you're going to show us the
42:56mistakes and, above all, the things to
42:58do that sometimes cost nothing and make
42:59a table look beautiful, if you would.
43:01>> Let's go, we're going downstairs.
43:03>> There, that's it, we're in the
43:04cafeteria. Thanks for coming all the
43:05way down here.
43:06>> It's me.
43:06>> Normally, you don't usually have these
43:08white
43:08>> tablecloths that I'm standing by.
43:09>> There. Or the cutlery. We were lucky
43:11that the restaurant across the street
43:12lent them to us. But there you go,
43:14let's imagine this is a table. Uh,
43:16we're arriving at a dinner that's been
43:19set correctly. At least in appearance.
43:21>> That's what I was going to say. In
43:22appearance.
43:23>> But you, you see mistakes here.
43:25>> Oh yes,
43:26>> major mistakes.
43:27>> Oh yes,
43:27>> is that true?
43:28>> Oh yes, yes, yes.
43:29>> Major mistakes.
43:29>> A lot.
43:30>> Damn, that's funny. Actually, I was
43:32expecting, I mean, I've always learned
43:34that you put the fork on the left, the
43:35knife on the right with the blade
43:36facing inward. So that, I feel like
43:38that's correct.
43:39>> Okay. Well.
43:40>> Uh, well, there are two sets of cutlery
43:41of the same size.
43:42>> That's not very serious.
43:44>> That's not important. The only thing I
43:45found, it's not right. Uh, it has to do
43:48with the soup. Why did you put out soup
43:50?
43:50>> Well, we'll I'll explain it to you, but
43:52still, there are some things that
43:53should jump out at you, Guillaume. Not
43:56at all. Ah, the spoon is facing the
43:58wrong way. Go on, toward the right. No,
44:00no, no, no, it's facing the right way.
44:02>> The spoon like this.
44:03>> Ah, there we go. So, if we place the
44:05spoon facing the tablecloth, doesn't
44:07that imply something else?
44:09>> Uh, I have no idea.
44:11>> So there are actually quite a few
44:12errors here. There's a design choice.
44:14If I put the small spoon back like this
44:16, it's because this place setting was
44:18done, my friends, the English way. So,
44:20why" English style "? Because the tines
44:22of the fork and the spoon face toward
44:24the sky. If I ever turn them the other
44:28way, in the other direction, that's set
44:30French style.
44:31>> So we have to do that.
44:32>> It's a choice. Yeah, that's it. It's a
44:35stylistic choice. Personally, I find it
44:36more elegant French style. We are in
44:37France. But do you know why we
44:39distinguish between English style and
44:41French style? Because in the old days,
44:43cutlery appeared among aristocrats who
44:46had the means and money for the first
44:48cutlery.
44:49>> the first cutlery
44:50>> and so the coat of arms, meaning the
44:52family crest, was on that side of the
44:53handle.
44:54>> Oh yes, on the outside.
44:55>> On the outside. Whereas in England,
44:57they are on this side. So since we
44:58wanted to show off that we had a coat
45:00of arms, French style, to see the crest
45:02, we
45:02>> showed them.
45:03>> And English style, the other way around
45:04.
45:04>> There's also a small problem with the
45:05glasses.
45:06>> Oh really?
45:06>> But they are in the wrong direction.
45:08>> Oh wow. Okay.
45:09>> Look, when you look at your plate. So
45:11the water glass
45:12>> and there are two glasses of different
45:14sizes, two wine glasses of different
45:15sizes, and a water glass. So
45:17>> so this gives an indication
45:19>> to the guests, that we are going to
45:20offer you two kinds of wine.
45:23>> Wine one and wine two, because there is
45:25a water tumbler.
45:27>> A water tumbler.
45:28>> Yes. Because the difference between a
45:30tumbler and a stemmed glass is that it
45:31has no stem. Stop poking me.
45:33>> You're good, you are.
45:34>> So there is a water tumbler here. But
45:36if we only put one stemmed glass
45:38>> Yes.
45:38>> the water tumbler returns to its
45:40original place as a water glass.
45:42>> Alright.
45:42>> Did you understand that?
45:43>> Yeah. Two wine glasses.
45:44>> Two wine glasses. Two stemmed glasses.
45:46The indication is that wine will be
45:48served. If I want to be very precise
45:49when the guests sit down, the water
45:51glass is already filled.
45:53>> Yes. Why?
45:54>> Before they arrive.
45:55>> Yeah. Why? Yeah.
45:56>> Because if it's
45:57>> it collects dust.
45:58>> No, but you should fill it at the
46:00moment the guests sit down and show
46:01that you're filling the last glass as
46:03they arrive.
46:03>> Okay. to show that it's not stagnant
46:05water.
46:05>> So why fill them right away?
46:07>> Because if your guests have any
46:08medication to take, they can take it
46:10without drawing attention to their
46:12illness. It won't always become a
46:14famous conversation topic.
46:15>> Okay.
46:17>> We never put the napkin in the plate in
46:20the evening, at a dinner; it goes on
46:23the left because traditionally we
46:25served soup in the evening, a velouté.
46:29Yes.
46:30>> And soup is one of the rare dishes that
46:32is served before guests sit down,
46:34because if the temperature is too high,
46:37it gives it time to cool so your guests
46:39don't burn themselves. And in the past,
46:42there was an expression; the staff
46:44would come to the living room and say,"
46:45Madame is served. "It was for the
46:47guests to come to the table, and it
46:49meant that Madame had been served her
46:51soup.
46:52>> Amazing. And so
46:53>> and one last little mistake.
46:54>> Yes.
46:54>> The bread is always on the left, and
46:57when we pass it, we do it by hand. So
47:00here we have a table set in the French
47:03style for a dinner. Why for a dinner?
47:08Because there is soup. If it were a
47:10lunch, dear friends, I'll make it even
47:12more complicated, the napkin would be
47:14in the plate. I knew you were going to,
47:19okay.
47:19>> At lunch, we put the napkin in the
47:20plate, not at dinner. It's not" the
47:21noon, "it's" at noon, "because you
47:23don't say" the midnight. "
47:27>> He keeps correcting me, it's a
47:28nightmare.
47:29>> So we put the napkin in the plate at
47:31noon,
47:33>> and in the evening we put it on the
47:34left because since the soup was served,
47:36we couldn't decently put the napkin in
47:38the soup. Everything is somewhat
47:40logical.
47:40>> Everything is somewhat logical.
47:41>> So there, a French-style dinner and a
47:43table set in the French style. Well,
47:45the soup isn't here yet, Madame hasn't
47:47been served yet here.
47:48>> Well, Madame hasn't been served yet.
47:49She is on her way.
47:50>> Okay. Thank you very much. My pleasure.
47:52>> Very interesting to see a bit how to
47:54position the cutlery to be in the
47:55French style, and in the English style,
47:57the cutlery faces up. And since we are
47:59in France, we put it facing down. When
48:01there is cutlery with two sizes,
48:02sometimes we see smaller forks, larger
48:04forks.
48:05>> Well, since you don't know, it's always
48:08the first cutlery
48:09>> it's on the outside.
48:10>> Okay. It means that here I have soup,
48:12so it will be the large spoon, and I
48:14have another indication that I will be
48:16served dishes. The next dish will be
48:17the cutlery.
48:18>> It is always on the outside
48:19>> from the outside to the inside.
48:21>> And we're getting closer, little by
48:22little. Very good. Super interesting.
48:24Thank you very much.
48:25>> It really helps us to understand. We're
48:26heading back to the set now to finish
48:28the show.
48:29>> There we go. It was so interesting to
48:30...thank you for all your advice.
48:32>> I love it.
48:32>> It helps to realize a bit of what to do
48:34and what not to do. There was one more
48:36thing to finish up, about dinner if you
48:38don't mind. Should you arrive? I've
48:41always heard different things. Should
48:43you arrive early, on time, or late? A
48:47little, a lot, you know. We never
48:49really knew. So, you're invited for
48:51dinner at 8:00. You're invited for 8:00
48:54. You should arrive at 8:13, 14, 15.
49:00That's what we call the" fashionable
49:01quarter-hour. "It's the fifteen minutes
49:03that give the hosts time to freshen up,
49:05catch their breath, change, or fix a
49:07sauce that burned. People who arrive
49:10before the time, you need to change
49:12friends. It's incredibly stressful.
49:15>> Damn!
49:15>> But if I invite you at 8:00, you arrive
49:17at 8:15. On the other hand, if I invite
49:19you" from 8:00. "
49:21>> Ah, saying" from 8:00. "
49:23>> From 8:00, you have 45 minutes to
49:25arrive. And there's another hint, you
49:28have to listen, 45 minutes later when
49:29it's" from. "
49:32>> At 8:00, I arrive by 8:15 at the latest
49:35; from 8:00, I can arrive until 8:45,
49:37and when you're invited" at, "it means
49:40it'll be a seated dinner;" from, "it's
49:42much more informal, it means it'll be
49:45standing.
49:46>> Okay.
49:47>> And that means we won't wait, like a
49:49casual get-together or a barbecue, then
49:50it's...
49:51>> Exactly, it's a cooler friends' thing,
49:54and it means we won't wait for all the
49:56guests to arrive to sit down. So those
50:01who arrive at 8:45 or 9:00 when it's"
50:03at, "we hate them.
50:05>> One day you will unfortunately have
50:07someone make you laugh and you'll spit
50:10your wine on a dress, if I'm not
50:12mistaken. That's, that's horrible.
50:14You're at a dinner, you burst out
50:16laughing.
50:17>> With wine in your mouth.
50:18>> And the wine stains.
50:19>> And the wine stains. I'll set the scene
50:22for this situation.
50:23>> Okay. I go to a wedding for one of my
50:26good friends in Corsica and his aunt
50:28finds me super nice. She lives in a
50:31fairly residential neighborhood in
50:33Paris and 15 days later, she tells my
50:35friend:" Invite your friend Jérémy, I
50:37want to get to know him better. "I
50:39arrive at her place and everything is
50:40already white. The carpet is thick and
50:42white. The sofas are white leather. She
50:44is dressed all in white. We sit down at
50:47the table, there is a huge white flower
50:49centerpiece. I mean, everything is
50:50white.
50:51>> She loves white.
50:51>> She loves white. She is
50:53>> My friend is at the end of the table
50:54and I am opposite her aunt, and I take
50:56a sip of wine. And he is a bit like me:
50:59he likes to laugh, he makes a face at
51:00me and then, like a llama, I don't know
51:02what happens, to keep from laughing, I
51:04spit and I swear, just like in the
51:06movies.
51:07>> a spray,
51:08>> a spray of wine that goes across the
51:10table and lands on her and there are 3
51:12seconds where he is cracking up, and
51:15I'm thinking disaster or no disaster.
51:17And she, she is thinking funny or not
51:19funny.
51:19>> No, but really. Oh yes, you see the
51:21>> Oh, but I see everything happen and I
51:23laugh, she laughs so
51:25>> it defuses it
51:26>> but there was still a bit of
51:28awkwardness. And the next day, I think,
51:30how can I make it up to her? I
51:32obviously asked for her dress to take
51:34it to the dry cleaner, she didn't want
51:35to, so I had it delivered. You have to
51:37offer immediately. I I when you stain
51:39someone at a dinner or in life, you
51:41offer to cover the dry cleaning costs.
51:44Obviously, I take it to the cleaners. I
51:45see
51:47>> and I sent her a bouquet of white
51:49flowers, slipping a red rose in the
51:51middle, which is normally the symbol
51:54for declaring your love to someone. And
51:57I told her," I'm not declaring my love
51:59to you, but I wanted this bouquet to
52:00match your outfit from last night. "
52:03>> So I played it with humor right to the
52:04end. She replied," You are forgiven. ""
52:07I mean, you're forgiven, et cetera. "
52:09But it was still very, very, very
52:10awkward. Are there are there flowers to
52:12give depending on the well, we've
52:13always heard, I've always been taught
52:15to say, here are red roses for love.
52:16Right. Are there really flowers
52:18depending on the occasion?
52:20>> Of course, and no one very few people
52:21know it, but flowers speak for you,
52:23they have a language. So sometimes you
52:26can give a bouquet completely
52:28innocently and in the end, you convey a
52:30message that is the opposite of what
52:32you meant to say. So, I will uh if
52:35you'd like to show the the flowers, I
52:37will describe them to you if you are
52:38listening to our audio podcast. Thank
52:40you for being here in ever-increasing
52:41numbers. By the way, whether it's on
52:43Spotify, Deezer, Apple Podcasts, or
52:44Amazon Podcasts. Thank you for making
52:46Legend the number one podcast in France
52:47. In just 2 seconds, you can simply
52:48give us 5 stars on the platforms. It
52:49really helps the algorithm, just so you
52:51know. And it allows us to have
52:52exceptional guests, and don't hesitate
52:54to subscribe as well. I know there are
52:56between 150,000 and 200,000 of you
52:57subscribing every month, joining us on
52:59the Legend YouTube channel. Feel free
53:01to comment as well, to tell us what you
53:03think; it's always interesting. Are
53:06there things you didn't know, other
53:07things you've learned? I'll just show
53:09you some flowers and you tell us for
53:11what occasion. Pale pink flowers. Pink
53:14or not pink, but the color pale pink.
53:16>> These are the pale flowers. It means
53:18you have good intentions. It's about
53:20gentleness. For example, these are
53:21flowers you would give to a young woman
53:23. These are flowers for engagements,
53:25for births. It's, it's soft. It's
53:27gentleness. There's a message of real
53:30kindness, we're kind of wrapped in
53:32cotton. They're sort of like Care Bear
53:34flowers.
53:36>> We're invited—to go back to the
53:37example—invited to our boss's place
53:39or our father-in-law's for the first
53:41time. We want to give our mother-in-law
53:44flowers. Is that appropriate? You can
53:46offer them, but there's still a sense
53:47of some intimacy in these flowers
53:49because it's saying," I want to make
53:51you feel good. "
53:51>> All right.
53:52>> We're going to dinner at someone's
53:53house we hardly know. We're going to
53:55blur the messages.
53:57>> Bright red rose. Now that, that's*
53:59caliente*. The red rose. It's very
54:03clear. I am declaring my flame.
54:05Basically, I want you. It's now, it's
54:07right away.
54:08>> And if you leave the thorns on
54:11>> the stems of the red roses, the message
54:13is very clear. It means that as soon as
54:15the flowers are in a vase, we're
54:16heading to the bedroom.
54:17>> All right. The thorns, the—it's, it's
54:20—
54:20>> Oh, it's fiery there. It's, we're going
54:21for it, right?
54:22>> That's true.
54:22>> Yeah.
54:23>> That's what you gave me when I arrived
54:24in the dressing room.
54:26>> So red rose is love. Exactly. And
54:29>> with thorns, we're going for it.
54:32>> Uh, well, these are, these are pansies.
54:34>> Yes, these are pansies, but the color
54:36is violet. The color purple is less
54:39bold than red, but it also expresses
54:41desire, longing, and something that is
54:44more than just simple friendship.
54:48>> Aren't purple pansies a bit frumpy?
54:50They're more of a They're more of a
54:51garden flower that we put in
54:52>> in pots.
54:53>> You shouldn't give a bouquet of pansies
54:54, right?
54:54>> No, we don't make bouquets of pansies.
54:56We don't, we don't give pansies in a
54:58bouquet. On the other hand, you can
54:59give violets. That's why the color was
55:01what mattered.
55:01>> Oh, I see. Uh, so, people who [give]
55:04yellow flowers
55:05>> Well, yellow flowers mean," I'm moving
55:07on to something else. "Maybe there's
55:08already someone else in my life.
55:10>> Ah,
55:10>> it's kind of the flower of the cuckold.
55:12>> Ah,
55:12>> okay. If someone gives you yellow
55:15flowers, it's not a good sign.
55:16>> No, it's not a good sign.
55:17>> But they're so cheerful. It's it's
55:19beautiful, a bouquet of flowers that's
55:21yellow. They are also the flowers of
55:23spring. So we can give yellow flowers,
55:25but if we pay attention to the message,
55:27it can be a message when you don't dare
55:29to tell someone
55:30>> a beautiful bouquet. Well, here's a a a
55:32multicolor bouquet, let's say. These
55:34are just example illustrations.
55:36>> Yeah, but that's nice. A multicolor
55:37bouquet, for example, roses of every
55:40color, flowers of every color exist.
55:42You blur the message; it's rustic,
55:44pretty, and cheerful, and you take less
55:47risk when you don't want to send a
55:49specific message.
55:50>> So that, for example, for a dinner at a
55:52boss's house, you can arrive with a
55:53multicolor bouquet for his wife.
55:54>> Exactly. You can also give green
55:56flowers to a boss.
55:58>> Well, speaking of that, look,
55:58>> there you go. So those are
55:59chrysanthemums. There are several
56:01messages. We give green flowers, they
56:03are the flowers of optimism. So when
56:04you go to dinner at your boss's house.
56:06Exactly. It's super positive, the
56:07chrysanthemum, but unfortunately, it's
56:09also the flower of death.
56:10>> Yes. It's what we put on graves.
56:12>> It's what we put on graves. And that's
56:13quite interesting because it's the
56:15flower that symbolizes passing, death.
56:17Because Clemenceau in November 1919
56:19wanted us to decorate, asked the French
56:22to go and decorate the graves of
56:24soldiers who died for the fatherland.
56:26And this flower was the winter flower
56:28that was robust, and by extension, it
56:30became the flower for All Saints 'Day
56:31and the flower of the dead.
56:32>> And that is why today we put
56:34chrysanthemums.
56:34>> Exactly. in cemeteries
56:36>> in cemeteries,
56:37>> it’s thanks to, or because of,
56:39Clemenceau.
56:39>> Uh, so what can we say about the lily?
56:43>> Well, the lily is the sort of official
56:45white flower, that is to say
56:48>> that. Well, yes and no for some,
56:51>> it’s the flower that we often give at
56:53weddings, that we give for very formal
56:56occasions, very" proper "events.
56:58>> All right.
56:58>> But on the other hand, a little tip for
57:00those listening and watching: you
57:02should never make a centerpiece with
57:04white lilies. Because it is very
57:06fragrant, so you don't put flowers in a
57:09centerpiece that might ruin the flavors
57:11and interfere with the dishes being
57:13served.
57:14>> Why don't we put our elbows on the
57:15table? Well
57:17>> because already Yes. Because already in
57:18the past, the t
57:19>> that's interesting. We are learning a
57:20lot of things. It’s a bit historical,
57:21right? Yes
57:22>> yes, yes. Because in the past, tables
57:24were quite, how should I say, narrow
57:26>> and we put a lot of people around the
57:28table. So you had to keep your elbows
57:30close to you to save space. It was
57:32cramped, right?
57:33>> It was exactly cramped. And also, you
57:35should always show your forearm at the
57:39table. We don't put our hands under the
57:41table. We always say keep them on the
57:42table.
57:43>> Yes. Because in the old days, during
57:46the time of kings, knights, nobles, and
57:48minstrels, there was always a fear that
57:50someone had a blade and was hiding it.
57:54>> So when you saw their hands, you knew
57:56they weren't armed. Whereas in England,
57:59you put your left hand under the table
58:01because it allowed you to, hop, draw
58:02your sword.
58:04>> Right.
58:05>> And I believe that is, uh, as a result
58:06of that, by the way, that we shake
58:08hands.
58:08>> So
58:08>> originally for men, it was to show that
58:10you didn't have a dagger. No,
58:11>> exactly. Meaning that when you shake
58:13someone's hand, it means you don't have
58:15any blades and aren't hiding a weapon
58:16in your sleeve. And we also started
58:20shaking hands, if we look a bit at
58:22history, because people began shaking
58:24hands the moment different social
58:26castes started doing business together.
58:29Some knew how to write, others didn't
58:31know how to write. So we would slap our
58:32hands together. It was a pact of
58:34commitment, it was a contract,
58:35>> a high-five.
58:36>> A high-five. Exactly. And later, we
58:38started shaking hands to say hello.
58:40What is the first thing to do when you
58:42arrive at a dinner and sit at the table
58:44? Is there a specific gesture to make?
58:46Well, if you are a gentleman, if you
58:49are a man, you sit after your two
58:51neighbors, and you pull out the chairs
58:53and assist the two neighbors. You might
58:55say to me," Who does he think he is
58:56anyway? "But there are plenty of women
58:58who still love that, especially the new
59:00generation, which is much more attached
59:01to these things and these values than
59:03we think. And when you sit at the table
59:05, you immediately take your napkin and
59:07put it on your lap. You don't wait for
59:09the first dish to be served to take
59:11your napkin. Now, you don't unfold it
59:13as if it were a big bib. As if you were
59:15putting on an apron to go paint. You
59:17let it, you unfold it, but you leave it
59:19lengthwise on your lap.
59:20>> You put it, that is the first gesture
59:21you make.
59:22>> First gesture,
59:23>> I learned something. You always serve
59:26the ladies first. Very good. Starting
59:29from the youngest and moving towards
59:31the oldest lady, from the least
59:33important or youngest to the one who is
59:36actually the lady of the house. Ending
59:38with her.
59:39>> It is the lady of the house who will
59:41give, or the person hosting, because
59:42today there aren't necessarily ladies
59:43of the house,
59:45>> it is the person hosting who will give
59:47the go-ahead, the tempo. And women were
59:50served first, then men. Is that still
59:52the case today?
59:53>> Yes. Out of gallantry?
59:54>> Well no, it's because in the past, in
59:56the history of France, there was a
59:58whole period when people poisoned their
1:00:00enemies, so women were served because
1:00:02they would start first, and if there
1:00:04was poison, it allowed the men to
1:00:06survive. I promise you, it's not at all
1:00:08about gallantry; it's linked to
1:00:10poisoning. It was to save the man who
1:00:13represented strength, family, and money
1:00:15. The woman stayed at home.
1:00:17>> They were food tasters.
1:00:19>> Like sometimes with presidents or kings
1:00:21, there are food tasters, like there
1:00:22were during Hitler's time. Hitler had
1:00:24his food tasters wherever he went. Well
1:00:27, it's a bit the same thing. He was so
1:00:29afraid of being poisoned that, before
1:00:31him in history, people tried to limit
1:00:33the number of male poisonings.
1:00:36>> That's true for all courses.
1:00:38>> So, we serve women first, then men for
1:00:41the starter and main, but from the
1:00:43cheese board on, it follows the seating
1:00:46order because we pass the board around,
1:00:48and we should never take more than
1:00:50three types of cheese.
1:00:54>> And why don't I know all these codes?
1:00:55Wait, this is funny. It's
1:00:57>> why not? Yes, sometimes there are
1:00:58boards with four cheeses. You shouldn't
1:01:00take more than three.
1:01:01>> Yes, well, when you offer a cheese
1:01:03board to your guests, you must always
1:01:05put out an odd number of cheeses,
1:01:07mixing soft, hard,
1:01:10>> a bit of everything, always an odd
1:01:11number, and one should never take more
1:01:13than three types of cheese. And the
1:01:15cheese board. Why, does it look greedy
1:01:16otherwise?
1:01:17>> Ah, almost. And I'll continue because
1:01:19you might have found it. And the cheese
1:01:21board only goes around once and then
1:01:22goes back to the kitchen.
1:01:24>> We don't go back for more cheese.
1:01:25>> No. Why?
1:01:27>> Oh, I don't have the answer.
1:01:29>> Because normally, cheese is the only
1:01:30course that wasn't homemade by those
1:01:32hosting you. We prepared our starter,
1:01:34we prepared our main course.
1:01:35>> Yes. We don't prepare our own cheese.
1:01:37>> We went out to buy the cheese. And so,
1:01:39rushing the cheese would mean that what
1:01:41came before was disgusting or that
1:01:42there wasn't enough of it. So it's
1:01:44highly offensive.
1:01:45>> It proves it wasn't good enough, or
1:01:46that we didn't eat enough. And it's the
1:01:49same thing afterwards for dessert. It
1:01:52follows the order of the guests. I give
1:01:54you the dessert first, you'll pass it
1:01:56to your neighbor, and it will go in
1:01:59order around the table. But my dear
1:02:01friends, if I ever made an apricot tart
1:02:04,
1:02:04>> yes,
1:02:05>> I give you the tart,
1:02:06>> there are 10 of us.
1:02:07>> There are 10 of us. What do you do with
1:02:08this tart?
1:02:08>> What I would do in real life.
1:02:10>> Yes. I say thank you. I'm careful
1:02:12because he's going to scold me. I
1:02:14unbutton my jacket, the bottom button.
1:02:16Uh, I I take a large knife that I have,
1:02:18uh a butcher's knife, you know. A big
1:02:22thing, voilà, or a large knife and I
1:02:24cut the tart into four, then into eight
1:02:26, and then, well, I do, that's not bad.
1:02:29No.
1:02:31>> The tart.
1:02:31>> I chew, I bite into it.
1:02:33>> I give you the whole tart, you will
1:02:35serve yourself your slice, and you will
1:02:37let the person next to you serve
1:02:39themselves their slice. You don't force
1:02:42dessert on your neighbors, nor a
1:02:43specific amount of dessert. Besides,
1:02:45there is an expression in French:" I
1:02:47have no more room for dessert. "
1:02:49Implying, before that, it was so good,
1:02:52so filling,
1:02:53>> that this dinner was magnificent. And
1:02:56if you are well-bred, which I believe
1:02:58you are, you manage, as the pie is
1:02:59passed from hand to hand, to perhaps
1:03:01reduce your portion so there’s enough
1:03:03for the tenth person if everyone wants
1:03:05some.
1:03:05>> Well, what we often do is have one
1:03:06person cut it for everyone and ask," Do
1:03:08you want some, Jacqueline? "" OK. "And
1:03:09then," Do you want a small piece, a big
1:03:11piece? "and that's it. You should know,
1:03:13however, that you normally don't force
1:03:15dessert on guests, much less a specific
1:03:17portion or amount.
1:03:18>> So, two very important questions.
1:03:20>> Oh dear,
1:03:21>> I'm going to ask you how to leave
1:03:22without offending anyone at night when
1:03:24you're tired, but first, when you've
1:03:25finished dinner.
1:03:27>> How should you place your cutlery? I
1:03:29was always told to put the cutlery on
1:03:30the plate. Do you place them—you know
1:03:32, how? Well, let's start with the
1:03:34principle.
1:03:35>> It’s interesting because this is the
1:03:36upbringing—I didn't have these codes;
1:03:38there are so many I didn't know.
1:03:40>> Well, everything has an explanation.
1:03:41You’ll see that your plate is a clock
1:03:43, okay? 3 o'clock, 6 o'clock, 9 o'clock
1:03:46.
1:03:46>> Let's imagine.
1:03:47>> You place your cutlery parallel at 4:20
1:03:49.
1:03:52>> You know that’s, right, when
1:03:53you—
1:03:55>> But it’s your look that is.
1:03:58You're thinking," What is he talking
1:03:58about? "Why not 3:15? So, this table—
1:04:01if you look at my plate, I'm going to
1:04:03put my cutlery parallel.
1:04:05>> So, crossed, like 4:20.
1:04:07>> Yes. No, I'm putting both at 4:20. My
1:04:10knife like this, and my fork. I—wait,
1:04:12I'm having trouble understanding. 4:20,
1:04:14can you pass us, please—we have a
1:04:16plate here.
1:04:17>> Oh, great.
1:04:17>> Thank you very much. Look, this is much
1:04:20clearer.
1:04:20>> Okay, a plate,
1:04:21>> serving dish,
1:04:22>> from the cafeteria.
1:04:23>> There.
1:04:24>> With a knife.
1:04:25>> Now, you’ve taken a stance, as I told
1:04:27you. You put it in, you’ve got it in
1:04:28the English style.
1:04:29>> Very good.
1:04:30>> So, I have finished. My plate, as I
1:04:33told you, is a clock.
1:04:34>> Yes.
1:04:34>> I put 12 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 6 o'clock,
1:04:379 o'clock. I put my cutlery parallel.
1:04:40Ah, you're sticking them at 4:20.
1:04:41>> Parallel at 4 o'clock.
1:04:42>> It's not finished. When the fork tines
1:04:45are facing up, it means I'm finished,
1:04:47I'm not hungry anymore. If I place my
1:04:51fork with the tines like this, it means
1:04:54I'm still hungry. And why is that? It's
1:04:56because back in the day, there were
1:04:59domestic staff. It was out of the
1:05:01question for the household staff to
1:05:03speak to the guests. You didn't talk to
1:05:06people who weren't from your social
1:05:07circle back then. So it was a
1:05:09>> coded
1:05:10>> coded language that allowed the staff
1:05:13to know that I wasn't hungry anymore,
1:05:15or that they could offer me the dish
1:05:17again, and I didn't need to speak.
1:05:20>> Thank you very much.
1:05:21>> Happy to be of service.
1:05:24>> Interesting. It's...No, but wait, those
1:05:26are things we don't use anymore today.
1:05:27>> Well, in some restaurants, still.
1:05:29>> True, the fork facing down.
1:05:30>> Yeah, in certain restaurants, and
1:05:32besides, we all end up, even you, at a
1:05:34wedding anniversary or a fancy
1:05:36restaurant, it's still nice to know.
1:05:38>> We've all found ourselves at a dinner,
1:05:40it happens all the time. You're having
1:05:41dinner with friends. It's getting late,
1:05:43everyone is a bit...you're exhausted,
1:05:45but you don't dare leave first. How do
1:05:46you leave?
1:05:47>> That's my problem.
1:05:48>> Without offending anyone. I go out a
1:05:49lot, and I'm always the first to leave.
1:05:52Well, there are two situations: you say
1:05:54it when you arrive," I'm going to slip
1:05:56away at some point because I have a
1:05:58flight tomorrow morning, I'm tired, I'd
1:06:00rather leave a bit early, but I really
1:06:02wanted to come rather than not come at
1:06:04all. "You say it when you arrive to
1:06:06your hosts, or at some point you manage
1:06:09to say to the person," Can I see you
1:06:11for a second? "and you say," I have to
1:06:13run, I'm beat, I'm tired. "But you
1:06:15don't shout it in front of all the
1:06:17guests." Alright, I'm off! "Why?
1:06:19>> Because then it triggers a mass exodus.
1:06:20>> Exactly. That is horrible. I hate it
1:06:22when people do that at my place,
1:06:24because you're eight, and in two
1:06:25seconds you...
1:06:26>> or even if there are three of you. So,
1:06:28you don't declare war on your hosts by
1:06:31making a whole squad leave. You whisper
1:06:34in the ear of the person who invited
1:06:36you," Excuse me, I'm very tired, or I'm
1:06:38feeling a bit sick, or I need to clear
1:06:39out. "I say," I'm going to clear the
1:06:41floor. "
1:06:42>> And when you haven't...
1:06:43>> Well,
1:06:45>> it's a bit of a day. When you have kids
1:06:48, I think it’s happened to all of you
1:06:50to say," Wait, the nanny has to go,
1:06:51it's 11:15, and it's 11:00. "
1:06:52>> We don't believe that, I’m telling
1:06:53you right now.
1:06:54>> Oh really?
1:06:54>> No, it's like me when I say," I have a
1:06:55flight. "Oh yes, I have a flight at
1:06:563:00 a.m.
1:06:58>> No, but you have to be honest, but you
1:07:00have to say it.
1:07:01>> But do you say goodbye to people or not
1:07:02? Because I never say goodbye myself.
1:07:03>> No, that's true.
1:07:04>> But what is with these bad manners? I
1:07:06>> never say goodbye.
1:07:07>> Who is this Mr. Good Manners? Because,
1:07:09for the same reason, I mean I’ll say
1:07:11goodbye to those right near me, I have
1:07:13to, I have to escape. But on the other
1:07:15hand, if I managed to get phone numbers
1:07:17, the next day I can, I send a text
1:07:19saying I left like a savage. It was
1:07:21super nice meeting you or seeing you
1:07:23again. I mean, I do, you can send
1:07:25little notes. And it also maintains
1:07:27friendship and relationships. So
1:07:29sometimes, you have to, well, it’s so
1:07:30you don't make others want to leave.
1:07:32>> Exactly.
1:07:32>> So you leave without saying
1:07:34>> you can desert
1:07:35>> but not at friends' houses. There, when
1:07:37you're with your six friends, your six
1:07:38best friends in your family, you say it
1:07:40, you say," Sorry guys, but "
1:07:42>> yeah,
1:07:43>> it's time, there's school, there's
1:07:44school tomorrow.
1:07:45>> I see you have a little scarf in your
1:07:47pocket. Little scarf, a little pocket
1:07:49square.
1:07:50>> Uh, so it's a little, I was going to
1:07:52say a little chiffon.
1:07:54>> Okay, you're attacking me. War is
1:07:56declared guys, I'm warning you. This is
1:07:57going to end badly. Are there codes for
1:08:01wearing a pocket square? You see, I
1:08:03don't have the codes, I'm learning them
1:08:04from you. Normally, a pocket square is
1:08:05never before 7:00 p.m.
1:08:07>> I thought it was pretty.
1:08:09>> Okay.
1:08:09>> So, I took that liberty.
1:08:11>> A pocket square is never before 7:00
1:08:12p.m. because it's a bit
1:08:13>> for the evening. A pocket square today
1:08:16can replace a tie when you're not sure.
1:08:19In the dress code, but
1:08:20>> where do you buy that? What is it?
1:08:21>> You buy it from people who sell ties.
1:08:23>> Okay. You can buy it anywhere. It can
1:08:25be, you can also go to a fabric market.
1:08:28You buy, you have squares of fabric cut
1:08:29that you like. There you go, a square
1:08:31of fabric.
1:08:33>> And another thing that's important,
1:08:35since we were talking about socks, is
1:08:37that for men in men's fashion, socks
1:08:40should match the color of your pants or
1:08:42your shoes. And then you're going to
1:08:45say to me," Well, bingo guys, you're
1:08:46wearing burgundy socks. "" Unless your
1:08:48signature style is to wear red, pink,
1:08:50yellow, or green socks. "In that case,
1:08:52you don't pay attention to anything.
1:08:54>> When you have people over for dinner,
1:08:55when you invite them to dine at your
1:08:57place,
1:08:58>> is there a moment when you're tired and
1:09:00you have something very early the next
1:09:01day, but you wanted to host this dinner
1:09:03, is there a way to tell your friends?
1:09:05>> Oh, I say it frankly, I show them the
1:09:06door. Ah.
1:09:07>> Or I say it myself.
1:09:08>> Really?
1:09:09>> Yeah.
1:09:09>> I say," Listen, it's been great, but
1:09:11it's time to go, we all have school
1:09:12tomorrow. "Or you say," Oh, it's
1:09:14already 1 o'clock. "Yeah, you remind
1:09:18them.
1:09:19>> But you have to play it with a bit of
1:09:21humor because there are those who don't
1:09:22work, there are those who don't sleep,
1:09:23there are those who won't get up until
1:09:2510 a.m. Uh, first of all, organizing a
1:09:26dinner at home takes time, it's tedious
1:09:28. I host a lot, I love it, but there's
1:09:31a point where there's a difference
1:09:33between Friday, Saturday, and weekdays.
1:09:35>> Are there rules to follow during a date
1:09:37, during a romantic meeting?
1:09:39>> Well, above all else, we don't talk
1:09:41about money. We don't say," Did you see
1:09:43where I invited you? "Yes, but you see
1:09:46it, you hear it. Uh, we are quite
1:09:48discreet.
1:09:49>> No, that's it, you see. But also, you
1:09:51shouldn't make too big of a promise on
1:09:53the first date because the person gets
1:09:55attached, and then you take them to a
1:09:57chain of mussel-fry restaurants for the
1:09:59rest of their life, they're going to
1:10:00say the first date was a lie. We don't
1:10:02show off too much. We talk about
1:10:04ourselves, but we mostly listen to the
1:10:05other person. As a general rule, when
1:10:08you're a couple, you always put the
1:10:10other person before yourself.
1:10:12>> Should the man open the restaurant door
1:10:16, and I think that at the restaurant, I
1:10:18really have trouble with
1:10:19>> But I think that in a restaurant and on
1:10:21the stairs, it's different.
1:10:22>> Yes,
1:10:22>> the rule.
1:10:23>> At the restaurant, how
1:10:24>> the restaurant is the only public place
1:10:26where the man enters first.
1:10:28>> In the past, it was to see if the place
1:10:29was respectable.
1:10:30>> Safe, there you go.
1:10:31>> And not dangerous. Today, it's more so
1:10:33that stares don't fall upon the woman.
1:10:37We, we understand each other. So we
1:10:38take the stares and we and we let the
1:10:40woman enter by holding the door for her
1:10:41. We don't do crowding,
1:10:43>> we work it out. It's the only public
1:10:45place, the staircase. When going up
1:10:48stairs, you get behind the woman or the
1:10:50most fragile person. I'm with an 80-
1:10:53year-old man, I'll let him go first
1:10:55because I'm sturdier in case he loses
1:10:57his balance. And going down, it's the
1:10:59same thing. I go
1:11:00>> it's the opposite. So, you go in front.
1:11:02Oh yes, yes. No, it's the most fragile
1:11:03person who is behind. It's
1:11:05>> exactly. If I'm with a woman or an
1:11:07elderly man, I'll let the person go
1:11:09ahead when going up the stairs and I
1:11:11get behind them to catch them if they
1:11:13should wobble. And when I go down the
1:11:15stairs, I get in front of them for
1:11:17exactly the same reason.
1:11:19>> Are there other rules to respect when
1:11:20arriving at a restaurant? When before
1:11:22before sitting down for a date.
1:11:25>> Yes, for a date. So, we always want to
1:11:27offer the bench seat. If there's a
1:11:29bench seat for the woman or the person
1:11:31we've invited, we won't necessarily
1:11:33give them the bench if, once on the
1:11:35bench, it looks out onto the dumpster
1:11:36or the kitchen or the toilets, it can
1:11:38happen. On the other hand, we leave we
1:11:41will always leave the person we invite,
1:11:43the person with whom
1:11:45>> no, we'll give them the best view by
1:11:47saying" You'll be better or you would
1:11:48be better on this chair because the
1:11:50view is more pleasant. "If they
1:11:52absolutely want the bench, they'll have
1:11:53to deal with watching people go in and
1:11:55out of the toilets. But it's always,
1:11:56you know the codes, I hope we
1:11:58understand that today, it's always
1:11:59putting others in the best conditions.
1:12:02Your happiness comes before mine.
1:12:03That's a bit what good manners are.
1:12:04>> Who should pay at the end of a first
1:12:07date at a restaurant?
1:12:10>> First date, it's the one who invites.
1:12:12>> Yes, but who? Normally the man. That's
1:12:16the tradition. It used to be the man
1:12:18who was the girl today. Gender equality
1:12:21, sex equality. We can agree beforehand
1:12:23. Uh we split it. Know that you are my
1:12:26guest. It's on me this time, it will be
1:12:28on you next time. Because in a
1:12:30friendship, you can't always be the one
1:12:32doing the inviting either. And in a
1:12:33relationship, you can also be very
1:12:35close friends with a woman and you're
1:12:37not necessarily going to pick up the
1:12:39tab for 15 years. So it's a negative.
1:12:42If it's professional, it's the person
1:12:44who initiated this lunch or dinner.
1:12:48It's a woman, she invites me. She's
1:12:49younger than me, but I did her a huge
1:12:52favor. I let myself be invited. Do you
1:12:54have problems with chivalry when you
1:12:55explain it nowadays on air? Yeah, yeah.
1:12:58Yeah. There are many young women or
1:13:00girls who tell me," Are you out of your
1:13:02mind or what? "Holding the door, for
1:13:04example—what's the big deal about
1:13:05holding a door for someone? Except that
1:13:07the day someone holds the door for them
1:13:08, they're still very happy. It's a fact
1:13:11, I can sense that. Today, chivalry is
1:13:13much less gendered. It also depends on
1:13:16the person you're with, if you want to
1:13:17please them, but mostly we do it if we
1:13:19know it will be appreciated.
1:13:20>> Yes. If it's done with good intentions,
1:13:22>> we do it with good intentions. I do it
1:13:24naturally. I try, at the very least, to
1:13:26do it as naturally as possible.
1:13:27>> Yours, to finish up, I have two
1:13:28questions. But here, honestly, I think
1:13:31—I don't know if anyone still does it
1:13:33—the hand-kiss.
1:13:35>> Ah! Is that something you should do?
1:13:37Has it happened, with your
1:13:39mother-in-law, or does it really feel
1:13:40like Louis XV?
1:13:41>> It's by Well, it has a Louis XV side
1:13:43for many. There are circles where the
1:13:46hand-kiss is still done at certain
1:13:48receptions, weddings, big society
1:13:50events. You have to stop thinking that
1:13:52it doesn't exist. It's still done.
1:13:54>> A hand-kiss, you have to know how to do
1:13:56it. A successful handshake is better
1:13:58than a botched hand-kiss. Gentlemen, if
1:14:01you do a hand-kiss, you aren't a
1:14:03fragile reed falling into a pond; you
1:14:05take the hand of the person you're
1:14:07kissing, you don't rip their arm off
1:14:09with a presidential handshake.
1:14:11>> There you go. Exactly. You take the
1:14:13hand, you lift the hand slightly, you
1:14:15lean down, and above all
1:14:17>> you don't touch,
1:14:19>> you don't touch, you don't plant some
1:14:21kind of slobbery kiss on the back of
1:14:22the woman's hand. You should normally
1:14:25leave 7 cm between your mouth and the
1:14:27hand.
1:14:28>> That's all such.
1:14:30>> That is. That's it.
1:14:32>> But I put it in, it’s the idea. It's
1:14:34just the idea.
1:14:35>> In one of my books, I included the
1:14:36obsolete art of hand-kissing.
1:14:38>> Because it can please certain women of
1:14:40certain generations, and not
1:14:41necessarily certain backgrounds. There
1:14:43are women who like it because they were
1:14:45taught that it’s...
1:14:46>> It's lovely. I do it from time to time
1:14:48because I know it will please them. On
1:14:50manners, I have two questions, it’s
1:14:52about weddings, how to dress. Uh, when
1:14:55you go to a friend’s wedding, how
1:14:56should you dress? To finish on manners,
1:15:00when you are invited to a housewarming
1:15:02party, you know, someone who just
1:15:03bought an apartment or a house, and
1:15:05you’re visiting for the first time,
1:15:07are there rules to follow, things you
1:15:08shouldn't do? Well,
1:15:10>> I told you that you don't bring gifts
1:15:12when you go to someone's house for
1:15:13dinner or lunch. A housewarming is
1:15:14different. You're coming to celebrate
1:15:17something. So, in that case, we bring a
1:15:19gift, a group gift, we give something
1:15:21for the home. Yes,
1:15:23>> the hosts will receive you, for example
1:15:25, in their living room or dining room,
1:15:28but their house doesn't become a show
1:15:30home for that matter. You don't have to
1:15:33go try out the bed, go discover the
1:15:35baby's room, or check out the toilets
1:15:38and bathroom. You don't force your
1:15:40hosts to give you a tour of their house
1:15:43as if it were for sale. It’s their
1:15:45home. And often when you throw a
1:15:47housewarming, you haven't totally
1:15:49finished all the setup, but you still
1:15:51want to have your good friends over. So
1:15:53we respect what our hosts show us and
1:15:56what they tell us.
1:15:57>> We don't ask to visit the bedrooms.
1:15:58>> No, we don't ask, sir. Do you
1:16:01>> give a tour, do you show your bedroom
1:16:03when you host for a...
1:16:04>> Very rarely, I hate it when people go
1:16:05into my bedroom.
1:16:06>> Is that true?
1:16:06>> Yeah, it's dirty.
1:16:07>> Why is it dirty?
1:16:08>> Well, you walk in with your shoes on.
1:16:10>> Do you ask them to take them off? No,
1:16:11no, no, no, no. Don't do that. So, I
1:16:12beg you, do not make people take off
1:16:13their shoes.
1:16:14>> Do we ask guests to take off their
1:16:15shoes when we aren't at my place?
1:16:17>> Now, some people will say," But it's
1:16:19much more hygienic, I have carpet. "You
1:16:21don't ask your dog to take off its paws
1:16:22when it comes into your living room. We
1:16:24even let it get on the sofa, on the bed
1:16:26. So shoes are the same thing. But what
1:16:29I mean is, I don't take them off,
1:16:30>> don't take them off; first of all, it
1:16:32makes people uncomfortable.
1:16:33>> We saw earlier all the physical hygiene
1:16:35problems and so on. There are some
1:16:36people, it's better if their shoes stay
1:16:38on their feet. We don't necessarily
1:16:40have pristine socks. So it's a bit
1:16:43embarrassing for the person taking
1:16:45their shoes off." Ha ha, I didn't see
1:16:46that it had a hole. "" Wow, have you
1:16:47been wearing them like that for 15
1:16:48years? "So it always makes others feel
1:16:50uncomfortable. When you host, you
1:16:52accept people as they are.
1:16:54>> Have you ever seen people behave badly
1:16:57or thought," Hey, that's rude "? That's
1:16:59a tough one. I can behave badly, too.
1:17:02There are times in life when we can be
1:17:04weaker. We can have little personal
1:17:06lapses, but generally, it's often
1:17:08alcohol that makes people behave badly.
1:17:11What do we...Well, actually, if we have
1:17:14a drink—I'm going to extremes here,
1:17:16sorry, you tell me if I'm rambling—
1:17:19but let's imagine one slips out. It
1:17:23only happened to me once in my life.
1:17:25I'm at a dinner, I don't know why, I
1:17:27don't even know, you see. A noise,
1:17:30let's call it a very loud bodily noise.
1:17:31Yeah.
1:17:32>> Well, that...
1:17:33>> that escapes you.
1:17:33>> Well, that's the same thing.
1:17:34>> It's happened to all of us once.
1:17:36>> But it's part of life.
1:17:37>> Well, we...There you go.
1:17:38>> Oops. That wasn't planned. You always
1:17:42have to use a little humor to deflect.
1:17:44It's true that one day I was at a
1:17:45dinner at some friends 'place. I'm
1:17:46telling you my life story. I hope that
1:17:48...
1:17:48>> It makes me uncomfortable just
1:17:49imagining a scene. It's...
1:17:51>> And there I am at the table with her
1:17:53and him. It was early on in our
1:17:54friendship. We hadn't known each other
1:17:56for centuries. It was just the three of
1:17:58us and I hear a little bodily noise
1:18:00come out of her backside.
1:18:01>> She turns scarlet red. And right then,
1:18:04I burst out laughing and told her," But
1:18:05who hasn't that ever happened to? "You
1:18:07always have to defuse the situation
1:18:08because it can happen to anyone. But
1:18:10it's true that it's still horrible.
1:18:12It's like yawning; you can't control
1:18:14yawning.
1:18:15>> At a certain point, you just can't hold
1:18:16it back.
1:18:16>> The brain sends a signal.
1:18:18>> If we talk about it, you’re liable to
1:18:19yawn in a second. You see, well, a yawn
1:18:21cannot be held back. And yawning is
1:18:24something the body does on its own
1:18:26without us ordering it to. However, it
1:18:28signals to the other person," They must
1:18:30be bored with me. "Which isn't true. So
1:18:32when we yawn, well, we don't yawn to
1:18:34the world. We put a hand in front of
1:18:36our mouth, we try to be discreet when
1:18:37we feel it coming.
1:18:38>> Yeah, okay. Agreed.
1:18:39>> You have to minimize any incidents that
1:18:40happen to the other person. We are
1:18:42there to put the other person in the
1:18:43best possible conditions.
1:18:44>> How should you dress for a wedding? To
1:18:45finish, we are all perhaps invited to a
1:18:48wedding once in our life, or several.
1:18:51How to not be overdressed or
1:18:52underdressed for it? You have to get a
1:18:55feel for the bride, groom, and their
1:18:57family. The wedding invitation often
1:19:00also dictates the way we are going to
1:19:03dress. If your friends are a bit cool,
1:19:05you know you aren't going to put on
1:19:07full formal wear. If they ever are, uh,
1:19:10they can also set a dress code to
1:19:11indicate it to their friends, because
1:19:13families don't all have the same codes.
1:19:16So, we will set a dress code. Normally,
1:19:18we never wear a light suit in the
1:19:20evening. You can wear a light suit to
1:19:23go to the town hall or the church, but
1:19:25in the evening we wear anthracite gray,
1:19:27we wear navy blue, and we leave black
1:19:29for the people serving.
1:19:32>> So we don't wear a black suit in the
1:19:34evening.
1:19:34>> Navy blue.
1:19:35>> Navy blue. because
1:19:38>> green, green
1:19:39>> well, that's current fashion, there's
1:19:41dark burgundy, green, it depends, you
1:19:42have to own it, it's very beautiful,
1:19:44some
1:19:45>> yes, but I think it looks great on
1:19:47others, I feel like I'm in a costume,
1:19:48you also have to recognize yourself in
1:19:50the way you dress, tie or no tie, you
1:19:51get a feel for the people who
1:19:53>> no black suit
1:19:54>> no, never a black suit
1:19:55>> but tuxedos are black
1:19:57>> well, yeah, it's a tuxedo
1:19:58>> what's the difference between a suit
1:20:00and a tuxedo
1:20:00>> a tuxedo is really formal wear, so
1:20:03black is still normally the outfit that
1:20:06hides all imperfections. When you're a
1:20:09bit round, when you don't feel good,
1:20:11you put on black, you hide in black
1:20:12because your shape will be less visible
1:20:14, and so on. So a tuxedo, that's chic.
1:20:17Black in a suit, that used to be for
1:20:19the people who served back in the day.
1:20:22And today, look, in every restaurant,
1:20:24at every wedding, the staff is still in
1:20:26black and white. I wanted to finish on
1:20:30the phone because there is a subject
1:20:31now—we all have a phone, things that
1:20:33didn't exist, mobile phones 30 years
1:20:34ago, 20 years ago. Today, we all have a
1:20:37mobile phone. How should you put it on
1:20:40the table? I'll talk to you again in 30
1:20:41seconds. Just a moment ago, we were
1:20:43talking about a dinner. If you are
1:20:44invited to your boss's house, what
1:20:45should you not do at the table? I think
1:20:48you said you shouldn't cut the bread,
1:20:50for example. There are things like that
1:20:51.
1:20:52>> Oh yes. So when you go to dinner at
1:20:54your boss's place, or at someone's who
1:20:55impresses you, or someone you're
1:20:57visiting for the first time, you are
1:20:58not the leader of the dinner. You adapt
1:21:00to the conversations that are started,
1:21:02for example. You don't impose your own
1:21:04conversation. You don't impose the fact
1:21:07that you want agriculture in the world
1:21:09to be fair. That’s it, you think it,
1:21:11but you don't impose it. You follow.
1:21:13You are a follower, and then you watch
1:21:15how others do it. And if you are ever
1:21:18not comfortable with table etiquette,
1:21:20well, you do the bare minimum. I don't
1:21:23know if the bread is the one on the
1:21:24left or the one on the right. Well,
1:21:26I'll just skip the bread. It's better
1:21:29to go without than to look like a bit
1:21:32of a fool. Because the table, I repeat,
1:21:35is the place where you are scrutinized
1:21:37the most and where you can draw
1:21:38conclusions perhaps too—
1:21:40>> about a person quickly.
1:21:41>> About a person quickly. Exactly. You
1:21:43said you had seen an exceptional young
1:21:45executive, top of his class. One day
1:21:48having lunch with an investor, you were
1:21:49telling the team an anecdote about
1:21:51people who missed an opportunity
1:21:53because of a lack of social graces.
1:21:55Well, exactly. Uh, I've had it, I've
1:21:57heard it several times, but here a big
1:21:59boss told me he had heard about a very
1:22:01good person on his team, and all of a
1:22:03sudden, he wanted to have lunch with
1:22:05this very good person. And so there
1:22:07they are, having lunch together, and
1:22:09the guy bites into his bread instead of
1:22:12taking a piece, uh, doesn't set his
1:22:14cutlery, which isn't serious in itself,
1:22:16but for the big boss who had
1:22:18expectations, ambitions...
1:22:21>> well, the image was completely
1:22:22distorted, and I think this guy was
1:22:24categorized as being ill-mannered, even
1:22:26though deep down, he was very good. So
1:22:29that is why
1:22:30>> there are codes that determine whether
1:22:31you can move up or not.
1:22:33>> Exactly. And substance and form must be
1:22:35one. Some will say you must prioritize
1:22:37knowledge, it's true, but it must be
1:22:39accompanied by form.
1:22:41>> So to finish, for example, today we
1:22:43always have a mobile phone. I think 100
1:22:45%of French people old enough to have
1:22:48one do. We have a mobile. Do we put it
1:22:50screen up at the table? Do we put it
1:22:53screen down against the table?
1:22:56>> Do we put the mobile in our pocket or
1:22:58our jacket, or do we leave it, I don't
1:23:00know, in the entryway far away? What
1:23:03should we do? What should we not do?
1:23:04When you're at a slightly more formal
1:23:06dinner, the position of the screen
1:23:07doesn't matter much. You should not put
1:23:09your mobile on the table. Until proven
1:23:11otherwise, we know how to set cutlery,
1:23:13plates, and glasses, but there isn't a
1:23:15place for mobiles yet. If there is one
1:23:17time when we can take a little break,
1:23:19it's during lunch or dinner. Except in
1:23:22a family context, etc., all that, you
1:23:24do according to the customs of the
1:23:26house. And in a professional context or
1:23:29with friends you don't know well, can
1:23:31you keep your mobile? It's the first
1:23:33time we've had our child babysat. I
1:23:35need to be reassured. I could have
1:23:38canceled lunch today, but because I am
1:23:40waiting for a very important answer,
1:23:42rather than canceling, I might have to
1:23:44pick up, so we give notice.
1:23:47>> But the mobile must not become a sort
1:23:48of alibi because we're bored at the
1:23:50table.
1:23:50>> Otherwise, how can we reply to a
1:23:52message? You see, we know we're waiting
1:23:53for something. We see it on our watch,
1:23:56for those who have smartwatches, we
1:23:58sometimes see the messages if we want
1:23:59to. Or we see on our mobile that it's
1:24:01someone's name and it's important for
1:24:03us to reply. And we are at a dinner
1:24:04with a boss, how do we reply quickly?
1:24:06>> Well, it's always the same,
1:24:08>> unless it's an emergency, and we aren't
1:24:10Obama, after all. Uh, we can perhaps
1:24:13wait for the duration of a lunch or
1:24:15dinner. Or you go freshen up for a
1:24:17moment, you discreetly leave the table,
1:24:18" I need to go wash my hands, "or" I'm
1:24:20going to wash my hands, "and then you
1:24:21reply in the restroom.
1:24:22>> Are we French, are French people poorly
1:24:26educated? Are we ill-mannered? Compared
1:24:29to the rest of the world today?
1:24:31>> I don't think so. I think, yeah, we're
1:24:34actually above average. However, I
1:24:37think there was a whole generation from
1:24:40after mine until not long ago where we
1:24:42were much more permissive. So it was,
1:24:47it was the' 68ers, you know.
1:24:50>> A little bit, and it lasted. Today, I
1:24:52see in the schools where I work, in
1:24:54companies, there is a return to rules
1:24:56because otherwise things get out of
1:24:58hand. I don't think we are more or less
1:25:01, but I think in France we are paying
1:25:03more and more attention to getting
1:25:05things back on track.
1:25:07>> You've traveled a lot, haven't you?
1:25:09Have you seen a culture that is very
1:25:10respectful, very...
1:25:13>> Asia? Asia is very respectful of...They
1:25:16don't have exactly the same codes as we
1:25:17do, but they are very respectful of
1:25:19others. We definitely won't offend, we
1:25:22won't make a facial expression that
1:25:24could be misinterpreted. We are less
1:25:26like that, though.
1:25:28>> We're more Latin, after all.
1:25:29>> Well, we're much more Latin.
1:25:30>> And then, well, we are still the ones
1:25:32who set the standard for the art of
1:25:34living.
1:25:35>> We say" art de vivre à la française,
1:25:36"we don't say" art de vivre à
1:25:37l'italienne. "
1:25:38>> That's true.
1:25:39>> We say" Italian lifestyle, "we talk
1:25:41about royalty in England, but we talk
1:25:43more about clothing style. Uh, we are
1:25:46still recognized for the art of fine
1:25:48dining. It's our specialty, after all.
1:25:51>> Yours in, uh, travels, we have children
1:25:52, we move around, we arrive on a plane,
1:25:54on a train, in a confined space, to
1:25:56finish, but it's true that it can
1:25:57happen. We've all asked ourselves the
1:25:59question. Damn, if my son or daughter,
1:26:01I don't know, loses it and starts
1:26:03screaming the whole trip, you're
1:26:04annoying everyone a little bit.
1:26:06>> Oh yeah, it's hell,
1:26:07>> you know. And what can you do? I know I
1:26:09had a heated discussion just not long
1:26:10ago. I was in first class in a train
1:26:13car, in a carriage, and there was a
1:26:15family with an unbearable child. I like
1:26:18children a lot and they have the right
1:26:20to live, but there's a moment when the
1:26:22train, like the plane, can also be a
1:26:24place where you work for some, it's
1:26:27>> where you need silence. So, the freedom
1:26:29where you sleep, freedom at any price.
1:26:31No. And when you're a parent, I know
1:26:33it's super stressful. You go to the bar
1:26:35car, the restaurant car, you go between
1:26:37two cars, you try to calm your child.
1:26:40And uh, maybe you can't impose...Uh,
1:26:42just because you paid for your seat
1:26:44doesn't mean it's private; it's still
1:26:46something common and collective. So uh,
1:26:49but I know there's no solution, you
1:26:51know.
1:26:51>> Actually, there is no solution. But
1:26:52that, when you don't have children, you
1:26:54realize it. No, but I know that well.
1:26:56>> Actually, it's that when you have them,
1:26:57you say to yourself," Oh, but what I'm
1:26:59imposing on others is complicated. "
1:27:00Yeah, it's complicated but there are
1:27:02still ways. But
1:27:03>> but if you have several, for example,
1:27:05you're a single mom, you have two
1:27:06children, the other one is small, you
1:27:08can't carry one, you don't have the
1:27:09bottles, well, it's with two arms.
1:27:12>> Well, you don't travel. I'm joking.
1:27:16>> No, no, but I'm joking.
1:27:17>> No, but there's no, there's nothing
1:27:18there, there's no rule. Of course
1:27:20there's no rule. That's it. It's really
1:27:22, and then I often hold back my
1:27:23frustration, but it's even more
1:27:24annoying, usually for the parents who
1:27:26endure this and have to live through
1:27:28that moment because they know everyone
1:27:30is looking at them with daggers.
1:27:32>> Uh, if we had to keep, you've been
1:27:33giving us lots and lots of advice on
1:27:35good manners for a while now. If we had
1:27:38to keep just one, truly, after watching
1:27:40or listening to the show at home, if
1:27:42you had to keep just one good manner to
1:27:44apply every day now and not forget,
1:27:45what would it be?
1:27:47>> There isn't one. The basics.
1:27:48>> The basics, but I think above all, with
1:27:50everything we've said, is that everyone
1:27:52I hope will keep at least one. It's
1:27:55going to, everyone might be struck by
1:27:57something. It can reinforce something
1:27:59we were doing by saying," Ah yes, he's
1:28:01right, maybe I'll apply it. "I'd rather
1:28:03everyone apply one, no matter which one
1:28:06,
1:28:06>> rather than trying to do all of it.
1:28:08Exactly.
1:28:09>> Because we don't have the same lives,
1:28:10professionally or personally. We don't
1:28:12experience the same situations. It's
1:28:14easier for me to say this in a studio
1:28:16than if I were a conductor on a train.
1:28:19Everyone will adapt it, because what
1:28:21matters to me is that with people in
1:28:24hidden jobs, yesterday in a TV studio I
1:28:26was criticized for going to say goodbye
1:28:28to the security guard. They asked," Why
1:28:31did you go say goodbye to him? "Well,
1:28:33because he welcomed me kindly. And all
1:28:35these people deserve respect, they also
1:28:37deserve a little bit of attention. So,
1:28:40in everything we've said, go be kind to
1:28:42your neighbors.
1:28:43>> It's just politeness.
1:28:44>> Yeah, it's just politeness. Now, I used
1:28:46to like saying" benevolence, "but it's
1:28:48so overused nowadays that it doesn't
1:28:50really mean anything anymore. But be
1:28:52kind, be friendly, and basically try to
1:28:54share as much as you can with others
1:28:56and keep one thing for yourself,
1:28:58because never forget what Coco Chanel
1:29:00said. The first impression is the right
1:29:03one, especially if it's bad.
1:29:04>> Thank you very much, Jérémy. Com.
1:29:06>> Thank you too. It was very nice.
1:29:07>> Thank you to you too. Can we put your
1:29:09social media in the description? Uh, if
1:29:10you want to follow, which one are you
1:29:12on? Uh,
1:29:13>> I'm really on Instagram.
1:29:15>> On Insta? Alright, I'll put Jérémy
1:29:16Com's Insta for you if you want to
1:29:17follow him. It's in the video
1:29:19description, friends. Thanks for being
1:29:20here in ever-increasing numbers. Thank
1:29:22you for following us. As I said earlier
1:29:23, you can subscribe to our YouTube
1:29:25channel in 2 seconds and then follow us
1:29:27as an audio podcast on Spotify, Apple
1:29:28Podcasts, or Amazon Podcasts. Anyway,
1:29:30thanks for being here. Thanks to the
1:29:32whole team for preparing the show with
1:29:33me. We meet three times a week, folks:
1:29:35Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Anyway,
1:29:38sending you all my love and we'll see
1:29:39you very soon for another video. Bye
1:29:40everyone.

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of SPÉCIALISTE DES BONNES MANIÈRES : LES ERREURS DE SAVOIR-VIVRE QUE VOUS FAITES SANS LE SAVOIR ! by LEGEND, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 19,438 words across 2,973 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

What you can do with it

Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to translate the transcript into 100+ languages.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, translation to 100+ languages, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.