Someone once told me, Don t marry the person you can have fun with Marry the person you can suff — Transcript

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1. 0:00Someone once told me, "Don't marry
2. 0:01[music] the person you can have fun
3. 0:03with. Marry the person you can suffer
4. 0:05with." And I thought it was the least
5. 0:07romantic advice I'd ever heard [music]
6. 0:09until life explained it to me properly.
7. 0:11Because fun is the easiest compatibility
8. 0:14there is.
9. 0:15>> [music]
10. 0:15>> Almost anyone can be wonderful at
11. 0:16dinner. Holidays, date nights, laughing
12. 0:19on the sofa, that's the shallow end of a
13. 0:22relationship. And everybody swims well
14. 0:25in the shallow end. The apps are full of
15. 0:27people you could have fun with.
16. 0:30Thousands of them. [music and singing]
17. 0:30Fun tells you almost nothing. But
18. 0:33marriage, real marriage, spends serious
19. 0:36time in the deep end. The year one of
20. 0:38you loses a parent, the redundancy, the
21. 0:41health scare, [music] the miscarriage,
22. 0:43the season where money is frightening
23. 0:45and sleep is rare,
24. 0:46>> [singing]
25. 0:46>> and both of you are the worst versions
26. 0:48of yourselves. That's where the actual
27. 0:50test lives, [music] and fun has no
28. 0:52answers there. The questions become
29. 0:54different. When you're broken, do they
30. 0:56move toward you or [music] away? When
31. 0:58there's nothing entertaining about you
32. 1:00for months, do they stay present? Can
33. 1:02they sit in a hospital corridor with you
34. 1:04at 4:00 a.m. and make [music] it feel
35. 1:07less like the end of the world? Can you
36. 1:09fall apart in front of them without
37. 1:11performing recovery? Find the person
38. 1:13whose presence makes suffering
39. 1:15survivable, and you've found [music] the
40. 1:17marriage. The beautiful secret is that
41. 1:19suffering people build the deepest fun
42. 1:22anyway. The laughter after surviving
43. 1:24something together has a bass note that
44. 1:27shallow laughter never reaches. [music]
45. 1:29Fun is the decorations. Suffering well
46. 1:32together is the house. Steady is not
47. 1:35boring, it's the foundation. Both my
48. 1:37books make that case from opposite
49. 1:39sides. They're in my bio.