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Shadow Work: The Ultimate Guide for Beginners (4 Techniques to LET GO) — Transcript

by Clark Kegley · 4,292 words · 589 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00in this video we are talking about The
0:02Ultimate Guide to Shadow work and I want
0:05to explain this in very real world
0:07practical language not a bunch of life
0:10coaching buzzwords that's what your
0:12manifestation on a Tuesday when Mercury
0:13is in retrograde find your purpose we're
0:15going to look at why you should even
0:16consider doing Shadow work what it is
0:18and most importantly at the end I want
0:20to give you a few techniques that you
0:22can do after this video let's take it
0:26from the top what the heck is the Shadow
0:29the term Shadow was initially introduced
0:31by psychologist Carl Hume some people
0:33pronounce it young just don't say young
0:35Carl because that's definitely a
0:36SoundCloud rapper somewhere in Ohio he
0:38studied under Sigmund Freud and he was
0:41obsessed with the unconscious mind so
0:44right now you're conscious hopefully
0:45you're listening to the words you're
0:47thinking through that's your thinking
0:49power your thinking brain right there if
0:52you know anything about your life most
0:53of it is actually subconscious and then
0:55deeper there's unconscious what you
0:57don't want to look at or you're not even
0:59aware you can't happened to Stanford did
1:01a famous study that you have over 60 000
1:03thoughts a day and 95 percent of them
1:05you're not aware of they're habitual
1:07take the first time you drove to the gym
1:09you were conscious of it you were
1:11looking at everything and you know
1:12you're trying not to crash but then what
1:15happens you do it long enough it becomes
1:17habitual and you can slam a Chipotle
1:19burrito crank the radio and you zone out
1:22you show up to the gym and you're like
1:23how did I not crash it was autopilot
1:25it's become a subconscious state for you
1:27where I'm going with this is that if
1:29you're unaware of the things in the
1:31background of your mind don't you think
1:34you're gonna get some benefits from
1:37looking at those from addressing those
1:39most people are using just that five
1:41percent to try and make a change in
1:43their life but can you imagine what
1:45happens if you start tapping in and
1:47looking at the other 95. so the shadow
1:50is anything that's in the unconscious or
1:53subconscious what can be stored in the
1:55shadow are memories past traumas fears
1:59limiting beliefs of about yourself
2:00stories of when you went wrong that are
2:03still playing when you go to try and do
2:04that thing again in the presence some of
2:06these can be very deep in the shadow
2:08things like trauma addictions lots of
2:10guilt around it and others can just be
2:12more shallow but still buried fears or
2:15stories about why things won't work out
2:17for you now the next part is why why
2:19even talk about the shadow like isn't
2:21this kind of a buzz kill and if I'm
2:23trying to be in a high Vibe shouldn't I
2:24just flood my brain with just positive
2:27thoughts High Vibe habits all day
2:28absolutely you should but there's also
2:31benefit to Bringing things out of the
2:33darkness shining a light on them I've
2:34often used the metaphor of a trash can
2:36like you got one in your house what
2:39happens when that trash can starts to
2:41fill up stinks up your whole house
2:43doesn't it and so you might do something
2:45like most of us do we take a cardboard
2:47box or a pizza box and we push that
2:49trash down but that doesn't actually
2:51make the trash go away it just gives you
2:54more room to throw more trash on top of
2:56it eventually it overflows stinks up
2:59your whole house until it's too much you
3:00realize it's there you take it out and
3:03it smells better hopefully well that's
3:04the same thing we do with our past with
3:06our traumas with our stories with our
3:08beliefs our doubts is most people are
3:11just trying to shove them down deeper
3:13nope it's not there I'm just gonna think
3:14different but then it shows up when they
3:16try to go for their goal or they try to
3:18get in a relationship and there's
3:20something from my past coming up 99 of
3:22people are completely numb and unaware
3:24of this and they think it's too painful
3:26or fearful to look at and if you operate
3:29from that way it is like having one foot
3:32on the brake and one foot on the gas at
3:34all times you want to start that
3:36business but the fear that you're not
3:38enough or you're unqualified is holding
3:41you back from really letting it take off
3:43and the people who don't have that are
3:45going to pass you by you want to be in a
3:47relationship but you're terrified of
3:48being hurt because of your past and so
3:50you're paranoid in the relationship and
3:52you end up self-sabotaging it which by
3:54the way the shadow is where all
3:55self-sabotage comes from every single
3:57ounce of it so one of the most
3:58enlightened things you can do do is
4:00notice patterns in your life and your
4:02behavior that show up for you nine times
4:05out of ten I would even say 10 times out
4:07of ten it's something in your Shadow
4:09that's causing you to self-sabotage a
4:11good thing so let's review where we are
4:13the shadow is the unconscious or
4:15subconscious and you suppress down what
4:18you don't express and it doesn't make it
4:20go away like the trash compactor the
4:22trash is still there you actually have
4:24to remove it take it out look at it and
4:27throw it away and when you do that you
4:29will feel free integrated light that is
4:31Letting Go that is what therapy is that
4:33is what coaching is that is what
4:35journaling is all of those tools are
4:38methods to metaphorically take out your
4:40internal trash so it's not stinking up
4:42your internal State you want an example
4:45let me give you a quick story and then
4:47two important notes before I give you
4:49these techniques for you to try so I was
4:51working with a client who was a
4:52struggling musician and he was in our
4:55metamorphic program now he wasn't bad at
4:57music he wasn't struggling because he
4:59was on unqualified he wasn't even
5:01struggling because he couldn't get
5:03clients see despite him having all the
5:05credentials and the skills he still had
5:08this deep rooted belief that he was
5:10actually unaware of he held on to the
5:12belief that commercial success was the
5:16antithesis of true art because growing
5:18up he heard things like that band sold
5:21out that person is mainstream and so
5:24through Shadow work through really
5:26tapping into why am I self-sabotaging
5:28commercial success like why do I not
5:30charge what I'm worth why do people say
5:33they want to give me a bonus and I turn
5:34it down and say no no it's okay no I'm
5:36just happy that the album did well he
5:38realized it came from his pure judgments
5:40he had in college and growing up he
5:42wanted to accept the money so he was
5:44financially free but in the back of his
5:45mind he had things like money is evil
5:47money means you're a sellout money
5:49compromises the Integrity of your art by
5:52accepting the commercial success didn't
5:54mean sacrificing Artistic integrity he
5:58got out of his own way relieved that
6:00block and he started gaining his
6:03Financial Freedom he started being okay
6:05charging what he was worth accepting the
6:07money that he could gain both
6:09recognition and financial stability so
6:11don't you see in that case that client's
6:13problem was not more hours in the studio
6:15was not getting better at his craft it
6:18was literally as simple as letting go of
6:20these stories and these judgments and
6:22these fears that I'm going to be a
6:24sellout mainstream that's going to
6:25compromise my Artistic integrity that's
6:27the power of techniques like I'll give
6:29you and Shadow work now I mentioned
6:31there's two very important notes here
6:34that I want to touch on before these
6:36techniques the first is the myth that
6:38everything you are today stems from
6:41childhood
6:42and I see this a lot like people get
6:44into inner work or Shadow work and they
6:46go back to a time they were seven years
6:48old or 14 years old is there truth that
6:51a lot of your fears beliefs stories come
6:53from childhood absolutely but I also
6:56want to give you permission to not just
6:58look at well one time I was seven years
7:00old and my mom left me at the
7:02supermarket and I'm scarred for I'm
7:04damaged for life it can be as recent as
7:06College as your last relationship as a
7:08boss who was a total to you and
7:12super toxic work environment all of
7:14those things can put blocks in your
7:16shadow that if you look at and you heal
7:18from can help you so that's the first
7:20note is don't just go directly to
7:22Childhood yes that's important but I've
7:24seen it as recent as the last
7:26relationship really getting in the way
7:28of the next one the second is Clark
7:30isn't looking at the shadow negative
7:32won't that make me feel bad do I have to
7:35do that work it's uncomfortable I
7:37totally get that but here's the
7:39beautiful thing I've realized through
7:40doing I don't know how many hours I've
7:42of this behind all negative actions lie
7:45a positive intent brief personal story
7:48on this when I was drinking my 20s I
7:50would drink pretty much daily and I
7:52realized that it was a way for me to
7:55numb my internal judgments social
7:57situation it was uncomfortable family
7:59gathering long-term uncomfortable or
8:02bored I would drink loosen me up and it
8:04would bring out more of who I was but
8:06that part was already within and so when
8:09I stopped drinking what I noticed was a
8:11low-grade social anxiety come up I'd be
8:13around people or you know events or
8:16Gatherings and I would be like whoa this
8:18thing is still here but once you realize
8:21it you can find healthy ways to
8:23integrate it and challenge it but you
8:25can't if you're numbing yourself so you
8:27see how the positive intent of alcohol
8:29was chilling out more that's it it was
8:33just being more okay loosening up being
8:36who you are naturally maybe you've
8:38outgrown the coping strategy that was
8:40maladaptive for you so the two things
8:42everything stems from your childhood yes
8:44but also recently and the second is
8:47behind every negative action lies a
8:49positive intent the goal with Shadow
8:51work the goal with journaling the goal
8:53with therapy is to get on your own team
8:56and realize what the positive intent is
8:58that your maladaptive coping strategy is
9:01covering up with that said you're ready
9:03to tackle a few techniques all right
9:05here's four of them for you technique
9:07number one projection awareness now a
9:12projection is one of the ways that
9:14you're unconscious or subconscious tries
9:17to express itself projection is when you
9:20snap at your partner even though they
9:22did nothing wrong they look at you like
9:24dude are you okay or you snap at work or
9:26you snap in a friend Circle or it just
9:28gets too much and you ah I have to let
9:30it out most people label it as stress
9:32but it's been said that stress is just
9:35the high achiever's word for anxiety
9:37when you call it what it is it's fear
9:39it's doubt it's something unresolved
9:42within yourself that's a projection so
9:44projection awareness is a habit that you
9:47can get into and it's something you want
9:49to do throughout the day it's any time
9:51you see yourself getting irritable or
9:54judging someone else
9:56ask yourself this question how am I that
10:00it's very very simple but don't write it
10:03off as like oh yeah okay that's simple
10:04onto the next one
10:06how am I that some people call this the
10:08mirror because when you look into the
10:10mirror what does it show you it shows
10:12you the reflection it has no opinions of
10:14its own it has no distortions of its own
10:17it's just showing you that reflection
10:18now you might not like the reflection in
10:21the mirror but that doesn't mean cover
10:23it up and hide it and never look at it
10:25that's just the objective truth coming
10:27through and so when you see yourself
10:29getting irritable or judging people stop
10:32put down the mirror ask yourself wait
10:34how am I that how have I been
10:36braggadocious or egoic or you know I'm
10:40here I am judging this person where do I
10:42judge myself why am I so critical of
10:44myself oh interesting where does that
10:46come from and now you got a juicy nugget
10:48that you can go into and work on let me
10:50give you a story on this one there was a
10:52guy who I remember who is a very high
10:54level Management corporate uh setting in
10:57his work and he would get so frustrated
10:59with the people he was training that
11:01they didn't follow directions or they
11:03were incompetent or they thought they
11:05knew it all all through this projection
11:07technique he was actually able to tap in
11:09and be like wait why am I getting
11:10frustrated with these people that are so
11:12hesitant that are worried about making
11:14mistakes where does that come from how
11:17am I that and he realized that when he
11:19was getting into the role he's in he had
11:21this same exact hesitations he had the
11:23same exact know-it-all attitude he had
11:26the same exact issues that he was seeing
11:28in these people what he did is he
11:30acknowledged his past struggles in a
11:32team meeting when I dude when I was in
11:34your shoes I was so afraid to ask for
11:36help because I didn't want to come
11:38across as incompetent and that came off
11:40as actually that I knew it all and when
11:42I'd make mistakes I didn't know them and
11:44through recognizing and having empathy
11:45of where he was before and how he was
11:48projecting all of that onto these guys
11:50it opened this dialogue that they looked
11:53up to him as a leader they started
11:55trusting and confiding in him more now
11:57one last note on projection awareness
11:58what's really cool and I think positive
12:01here is yes this is true for the
12:03negative like when you see a negative
12:05trait in someone one and you judge them
12:07for it chances are that's in us and
12:09we're seeing ourselves through the
12:10mirror this is also true for the
12:13positive that oftentimes the qualities
12:15that you admire in other people those
12:18are the unrealized traits you have
12:20within yourself technique number two
12:23this next technique is very simple but
12:26it's powerful don't write it off
12:28literally because this one is the
12:30Forgiveness letter what you do is you
12:33take out a sheet of paper and you write
12:35a letter to someone or your younger self
12:38what you forgive yourself or them for
12:41one of the things I believe keeps people
12:44stuck in the past is not having closure
12:46like there's something in Psychology
12:48called an open loop that if you see a
12:52story start to unravel your brain Zooms
12:55in and latches on because you want to
12:57see how it ends I gotta see the ending
13:00pairing that with your life if there's
13:02not closure in relationships or
13:04situations or phase is in your life then
13:07they're sort of an open loop in your
13:09mind that keeps you in the past and so
13:12what this does is helps you close those
13:14Loops even if it's not physically
13:16possible like say if you didn't have a
13:19good relationship with the parents they
13:20passed away this comes in to play a lot
13:23because you can gain this closure
13:25without you know going through a psychic
13:27medium and talking to them through the
13:29dead so this technique is a forgiveness
13:31letter or we can call this a closure
13:33letter you're going to write a letter to
13:35a past version of yourself and forgive
13:37yourself for a lot of the mistakes and
13:39for you not knowing any better or you're
13:41going to forgive people around you two
13:44questions to really help you doing this
13:46is ask yourself who am I still angry at
13:50what am I still not over and I guess the
13:53third would be what mistakes do you
13:55still replay and beat yourself up and
13:57self-attack on from your past if you
13:59just take any one of those and you write
14:01a letter to it and don't write it off
14:04it's like oh it's kind of cheesy oh what
14:05am I gonna write this letter push all
14:07those judgments aside this is one I've
14:09benefited from immensely and so writing
14:11that letter you realize sometimes the
14:14person you need to forgive it's yourself
14:17Shadow work technique number three this
14:19technique is more ethereal harder to put
14:23into words it's more of a practice or a
14:26process it's the conflicting Parts
14:29recognition
14:30so in Psychology there's something what
14:32is known as cognitive dissonance fancy
14:35way of saying trying to believe two
14:37things at once two things that oppose
14:40each other it's very uncomfortable
14:41psychologically it's very draining I
14:44love the word dissonance because
14:45bringing our conversation back to music
14:47dissonance is when there's like one note
14:49out of a chord that doesn't belong there
14:52and it creates this Eerie sensation but
14:54when you clear up the dissonance that's
14:56when you get chord progressions that's
14:57when you get scales that's when you get
14:59Harmony so it's the same thing in our
15:01life when we have these two conflicting
15:02Parts it feels uncomfortable it feels
15:04tense and you might not notice that's
15:07there but it might show up as feeling
15:08stressed or feeling anxious or feeling
15:10in a funk or low Vibe so when you clear
15:13this up and you resolve it now you have
15:15Harmony internally for the example I'll
15:17give a personal one here in my 20s for
15:19the longest time I said I wanted freedom
15:21because I didn't grow up with it my mom
15:24was a school teacher you know we had
15:25multiple kids in the family we didn't
15:26grow up super rich no trust funds no
15:29Silver Spoons graduated College I was 30
15:31Grand in debt I had to move back into my
15:33mom's basements and I felt like my head
15:35was under water I was trying to get my
15:36head above it and breathe and get a
15:39sense of relief from all the stress that
15:41not having money brought so my true
15:43north was just freedom freedom freedom
15:45freedom and surprise you know I'm not in
15:47Mom's basement anymore fortunately and
15:49the YouTube channel sort of took off and
15:51I've been very fortunate on this journey
15:53I don't say any of this to brag but you
15:54know a lot of those early Freedom
15:56financial goals got checked off what I
15:58realized is that that sense of Freedom
16:00kept moving whatever number you set for
16:03you this could be a hundred thousand and
16:04then it moves to 500 and then it moves
16:06to a million you never feel like yes I
16:08made it I'm completely free and that's
16:09no longer there and so I saw that and
16:12recently this past year I've really been
16:14looking at this dissonance of like
16:16freedom but never feeling it what is
16:18going on here what I realized is freedom
16:20for me has changed freedom for me has
16:22changed from a financial number and it's
16:25transformed into Freedom as a state of
16:27inner peace freedom from that intern
16:30Eternal inner critic freedom from your
16:33internal self-judgments freedom to do
16:36whatever you want on your path not just
16:38the path that Society is like push down
16:40your throat of more and better and so
16:42conflicting Parts recognizing them and
16:45not forcing a resolution in one sitting
16:47like okay I'm gonna figure this out and
16:49release it and I'm free forever
16:50understand that this is the process and
16:52things are going to keep coming up but
16:53once you have this tool you can start to
16:55realize okay where's the dissonance I'm
16:57feeling what two things are conflicting
17:00in me the need for love but the fear of
17:03vulnerability the fear of them leaving
17:05the fear of loss but also the pleasure
17:08of gain the pleasure of getting known
17:10and serving people but the fear of being
17:13misunderstood and torn down you often
17:15find that truth is somewhere in the
17:17middle and that's a beautiful thing
17:18Shadow work technique number four
17:21dialogue with the shadow it's probably
17:24the most effective one you can do this
17:27technique requires you to invite in in
17:30the part of you that you're repressing
17:32or suppressing and have a theoretical
17:35conversation with it now you can do this
17:38in a voice memo on your phone if that's
17:40easy for you you can do this typing on a
17:43computer or your phone but I like to do
17:45it in my journal because I find that
17:48when you're limited to how fast your
17:49handwrites you don't get this
17:51neuroticism of just your brain trying to
17:53like talk at 300 words per minute and
17:56you know you confuse yourself even more
17:58so what I do is I picture two chairs on
18:01one chair you're sitting there and on
18:04the other chair directly across from you
18:06is this Shadow is this behavior and
18:09you're looking at it and you're inviting
18:11it in to have a conversation now again I
18:14know this sounds kind of woo kind of out
18:15there but stay with me here start with
18:18viewing it as a third person so it's not
18:21a part of you it's its own entity take
18:23the example of fear of judgments so you
18:26invite in this fear of judgments and you
18:28start a conversation with it you might
18:30start with things like why are you doing
18:31this to me why do you exist why are you
18:34so afraid of being judged where did you
18:36originate pause here it's very important
18:38that you don't judge it ironically
18:40you're judging judgment you're just
18:42listening to it you're letting it talk
18:43you're letting it voice its concerns you
18:45might find things like while I'm here so
18:47you perform at your highest I'm here so
18:49you avoid that rejection that you faced
18:52in your 20s you need me I keep you at
18:54your best don't you know and then what
18:56you try to do is enter the Viewpoint
18:58have intense empathy for this part of
19:00you why do I exist why am I doing this
19:03to them and if you want a really
19:05detailed explanation of this because I
19:07think this one deserves its own video
19:09I'll link down below our first version
19:11of Shadow work and I go over this
19:14technique in that video there's a saying
19:16that awareness is half the battle
19:18because as soon as you're aware of
19:20something now you have a clear path of
19:23what you need to work on and you can
19:25resolve like smoke clearing a room you
19:27can see things for what they are not as
19:29you think they are that's exactly what
19:31this technique does inviting in the
19:33shadow having a conversation with it and
19:35getting the awareness bringing it into
19:38your conscious mind what you're
19:39suppressing we're pressing what's in the
19:41unconscious or subconscious in your life
19:43this one is deep and uh it's what we
19:46actually do in our metamorphic program
19:47so if you want more info on that I'll
19:49link down below where you can apply for
19:51interested in doing some of this Shadow
19:53work we have a real cool technique if I
19:55can say that I think it works very well
19:57I've seen people get new relationships
19:59I've seen their jobs improve I've seen
20:01their energy go through the roof when
20:02they start releasing some of these
20:04blocks it can be challenging not
20:06impossible but definitely difficult to
20:09try and solve Solutions with the same
20:10thinking that's creating the problem and
20:13so what we do is we pair you up
20:14one-on-one with a Master Level we call
20:17Inner Shadow shifting coach he's able to
20:20use some of the best techniques that we
20:22design specifically for this like
20:23self-releasing self-healing work to get
20:26deep into that shadow part of you that
20:29you're not even aware of help you work
20:31through it and help you release it
20:32that's in week three there's a whole lot
20:34more but that's relevant to what we're
20:35talking about here again if you're into
20:37that click the link below and uh apply
20:40to speak with one of our coaches for
20:41free but only if you feel called it's
20:42totally cool try these techniques out
20:44first if they work you're getting a lot
20:45out of them you want some extra support
20:47some one-on-one help apply down below
20:50what I'll actually do now is link up a
20:52perfect follow-up to this video it's our
20:54first video on the shadow work start to
20:56finish and I'll go really deep into this
20:58like three two one technique in there
21:00give you a lot more uh like five steps
21:03on how to do it if this is something you
21:05feel called to and you want to try keep
21:07the conversation on the shadow going
21:09I'll link it up right there and thank
21:11you so much for watching I hope this
21:12video was useful but more than that I
21:14hope you take one of these techniques
21:15you run with it you use it and you
21:16benefit from it I'll see you in that
21:18video stop settling start living see ya

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