Robert Emmons: Challenges to Gratitude — Transcript

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1. 0:08[Music]
2. 0:20okay uh what I find is that people will
3. 0:23raise some objections often not often
4. 0:25but occasionally uh depending on what
5. 0:27the audience is and their orientation
6. 0:29about Gra itude gratitude always a good
7. 0:31thing or what about this or you know um
8. 0:34find some some skeptical uh conclusions
9. 0:38to draw about the nature of gratitude
10. 0:40and three of the objections take this
11. 0:42form that gratitude is just another form
12. 0:44of positive thinking writing about
13. 0:46blessings good things and what about all
14. 0:48the negative and about suffering and so
15. 0:50forth the reality of the negtive well
16. 0:52first it's not another form of positive
17. 0:54thinking in fact gratitude can be very
18. 0:57difficult because in in gratitude you
19. 1:00recognize your dependence upon others
20. 1:01that's not always positive you have to
21. 1:03humble yourself in the sense that you
22. 1:05have to become a good receiver most
23. 1:07people are better givers than they are
24. 1:09receivers gratitude also implies a sense
25. 1:11of obligation or
26. 1:14indebtedness if I am grateful for
27. 1:17something you provided for me I have to
28. 1:19take care of that thing I have to
29. 1:21perhaps reciprocate at some appropriate
30. 1:24time in some appropriate manner so
31. 1:25that's a that's a type of indebtedness
32. 1:27or obligation which can be perceived
33. 1:29very negative ly so it's not just
34. 1:31positive nice warm fuzzy feeling but has
35. 1:34responsibilities that go along with it
36. 1:36which can make it uh difficult or
37. 1:38challenging for people under certain
38. 1:40circumstances another objection people
39. 1:42raise is that well if you're grateful
40. 1:43you're going to stop trying to do things
41. 1:46you're going to be less effortful you
42. 1:48become more passive more complacent with
43. 1:50the status quo give up trying I'm
44. 1:52grateful for whatever I have I'm
45. 1:54grateful no matter how much they cut my
46. 1:56salary at the University you know I have
47. 1:57a job uh which actually is true I'm I am
48. 2:00grateful I have a job but at some point
49. 2:01I probably would become less grateful I
50. 2:02cut too much you know the salary and
51. 2:04gave us too many days off uh and so on
52. 2:07but that's that's a thinking that
53. 2:09gratitude implies a sense of not trying
54. 2:12or passivity it leads to a decrement in
55. 2:15performance well we find that's not the
56. 2:17case at all because we've done a couple
57. 2:19of studies where we found that people
58. 2:21actually are more successful at
59. 2:22attaining their goals if they are also
60. 2:26keeping a gratitude Journal at the time
61. 2:28we ask people to identify
62. 2:30goals they were going to work on six
63. 2:32personal goals over the next two months
64. 2:34academic interpersonal spiritual health
65. 2:36related we found if they were in the
66. 2:38Gratitude group again folks on this side
67. 2:40of the room they actually were working
68. 2:42harder exerting more effort toward those
69. 2:45goals not surprisingly because they were
70. 2:47feeling more energetic More Alive alert
71. 2:48awake and so on but they were not any
72. 2:51more satisfied with the progress they
73. 2:53were making which was a separate
74. 2:54question we asked several questions
75. 2:56regarded the nature of their goal
76. 2:57Pursuits importance progress
77. 2:59satisfaction and so on so yeah they were
78. 3:01making progress but they weren't going
79. 3:02to stop there I got to make more
80. 3:03progress right so they're not becoming
81. 3:06complacent or satisfied to the degree of
82. 3:09not trying anymore compared to those in
83. 3:11the other condition so myth number two
84. 3:14can also be shown to be false oh sure
85. 3:15there's cases and you can point out uh
86. 3:18exceptions and so on as always you can
87. 3:19but I think in general gratitude leads
88. 3:21to action gratitude is a motivating
89. 3:25emotion and trait doesn't lead to
90. 3:26inactivity in fact leads to more
91. 3:28vigorous pursuit of activity and number
92. 3:31three some would say it's impossible to
93. 3:33be grateful in the midst of suffering
94. 3:34when life is going well when there's
95. 3:36abundance we can be grateful but what
96. 3:38about suffering well all we need to do
97. 3:39is look at the legions of people
98. 3:41throughout history whether you look at
99. 3:43philosophical writings religious
100. 3:44writings look at contemporary life
101. 3:45people have been through difficult
102. 3:47tragic life circumstances but come out
103. 3:48of it with a deeper sense of
104. 3:50appreciation for Life gratefulness which
105. 3:53was that emerges out of this period of
106. 3:56deprivation suffering so again I think
107. 3:59it's it's another myth that can be
108. 4:00easily uh busted about
109. 4:02gratitude I mention gratitude is very
110. 4:05interesting to me because it's it's not
111. 4:06necessarily obvious or simplistic but
112. 4:09there's levels nuances and depth to
113. 4:13it and one of the uh illustrations of
114. 4:16this is that gratitude can be very
115. 4:18counterintuitive in the sense it can go
116. 4:20against our
117. 4:21intuitions uh in at least three
118. 4:23different ways you know psychologists
119. 4:24talk about these three things about the
120. 4:26self-serving bias you know what that is
121. 4:28right we take credit for success that
122. 4:30happens to us when good things happen we
123. 4:32say it's because we did it because of
124. 4:33our own ability effort uh and so on but
125. 4:36when when we fail when we're not
126. 4:37successful we blame other people or
127. 4:40situations circumstances right well
128. 4:43gratitude really goes against the
129. 4:45self-serving bias because when we're
130. 4:46grateful we give credit to other people
131. 4:48for our success maybe ourselves yes but
132. 4:50we widen our range of attributions to
133. 4:53say well my parents gave me this
134. 4:55opportunity I had teachers I had mentors
135. 4:57I had siblings peers other people
136. 5:00assisted me along the way I stop now to
137. 5:03acknowledge and reflect upon their
138. 5:04contributions that's very different from
139. 5:06the self-serving byas the need for
140. 5:09control the need to make things happen
141. 5:12the need to feel in control of our
142. 5:14environment and our situation all the
143. 5:16time very strong need personal control
144. 5:19that people have sometimes in with
145. 5:21gratitude you just have to accept uh
146. 5:23life as it is when situations are
147. 5:25uncontrollable there's a a surrender
148. 5:27that takes place that can again set the
149. 5:30stage for the experience of gratitude
150. 5:33and then contradicting the just World
151. 5:35hypothesis just World hypothesis we get
152. 5:37what we deserve in life good people good
153. 5:40things happen to good people bad things
154. 5:42happen to bad people it doesn't always
155. 5:44work out that way does it bad things
156. 5:46happen to good people and vice ver
157. 5:48people don't always get what they
158. 5:49deserve with gratitude comes the
159. 5:51realization we get more than we deserve
160. 5:54right and I've I've talked to groups of
161. 5:56people and I'll never forget there a man
162. 5:58rais his hand question in the front row
163. 6:00and say he says it's a good thing we
164. 6:01don't get what we deserve you know and
165. 6:04he says you know I'm grateful I get I
166. 6:06get far more he says than I deserve far
167. 6:08more goodness is what he's saying uh in
168. 6:10his life and so again that contradicts
169. 6:12the notion of this just World hypothesis
170. 6:14so goes against our intuitions in a lot
171. 6:17of different ways so gratitude is
172. 6:21good but it's not easy okay and if we
173. 6:24just focus on the goodness of it we're
174. 6:25missing half the picture we got to focus
175. 6:29also on the obstacles the roadblocks
176. 6:31people say it's good they make good
177. 6:33associations to it but yet is everybody
178. 6:35practicing gratitude do the people you
179. 6:37work with or you live with are they
180. 6:40always talking about what they're
181. 6:42grateful for or something else you know
182. 6:44are they in this group versus you know
183. 6:47the Gratitude group well there's very
184. 6:49real obstacles to gratitude that have to
185. 6:52be identified and if you're in the field
186. 6:55of counseling or do clinical work you
187. 6:57know that you can't just always build up
188. 6:58a virtue with first diminishing a vice
189. 7:01right and separate mechanisms separate
190. 7:03processes may be necessary to to
191. 7:06diminish a vice before you can amplify a
192. 7:10virtue and part of the reason why it's
193. 7:13maybe difficult to experience gratitude
194. 7:15is because some of these vices or these
195. 7:18incompatible behaviors occur more easily
196. 7:20or naturally or habitually to
197. 7:21individuals pervasive
198. 7:24negativity uh the the The Uncanny
199. 7:27ability that we have to lapse into
200. 7:29complaint to dissatisfaction to focus on
201. 7:33deprivation whether we notice it or not
202. 7:36it's all around us sense of entitlement
203. 7:39we deserve we earn it we we you know we
204. 7:41deserve this and so on it's a message
205. 7:43that we get told all the time from uh in
206. 7:45contemporary culture and so that works
207. 7:47against if you deserve everything if
208. 7:49you're entitled to everything can you be
209. 7:51grateful for anything I don't think so
210. 7:53surely makes a lot harder and then there
211. 7:55is in fact I think occasions when
212. 7:57suffering does make it very difficult to
213. 7:59grow gratitude there are people who have
214. 8:00been through terrible life circumstances
215. 8:02find it hard to generate gratitude for
216. 8:04anything or for anyone certainly at the
217. 8:06time of suffering maybe down the road
218. 8:08they could step back but during the time
219. 8:09it can be very difficult and can be a
220. 8:11substantial obstacle
221. 8:14[Music]
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