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Reprogramación mental - Tu mente no está rota. Está programada. (Begoña del Campo) — Transcript

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0:00What's up, guys? How are we doing? We
0:01are here for a new interview on La Nave
0:03podcast. As always, I'm joined by Dion
0:06Ibi.
0:06How's it going, everyone? How are you
0:07all doing?
0:08And today we bring you an interview
0:09that I know you're going to love; it
0:11will be very interesting. From the
0:13little time we've already spent talking
0:14, I know we'll touch on many cool
0:16topics that are very relevant and can
0:18help and interest us all a lot. So,
0:20let's get right to it. Go ahead and
0:21introduce yourself, Begoña, how are
0:22you? How are things?
0:23Hi, how's it going, guys? Very well,
0:24I'm delighted to be here with you this
0:26afternoon.
0:26Well, first off, thank you so much for
0:28coming, and tell us, tell us a little
0:30bit about who you are. What we always
0:32ask people, right? Is for them to tell
0:34us a bit about who they are, how they
0:35got to where they are, a little bit
0:37about their journey to help put into
0:39context for people what they are going
0:40to hear from you. Well, I'm Begoña,
0:43Begoña del Campo, I come from Mallorca
0:45, and I have a degree in psychology and
0:48a master's in neuropsychology. That is
0:50to say, I always try to explain what
0:52I'm saying, whatever it may be, from a
0:55scientific point of view as well, right
0:57? With neural foundations and so on,
1:01but keeping it very grounded and
1:03linking it a lot to my life path and,
1:05of course, my professional one. So I
1:09try, well, to divulge, or as I say, to
1:12democratize what I've learned
1:13throughout my life, so it reaches as
1:15many people as possible and to act as a
1:18human loudspeaker. That's my role, more
1:21or less.
1:22What we've also seen, and well, what
1:24you told us off-camera, is that you
1:26went from a transport center, how was
1:28it? With trucks, so the psychology
1:31thing is relatively recent. How was
1:34that pivot? Well, let me tell you, look
1:37, psychology has always run through my
1:39veins, to begin with, right? So, I have
1:41always read a lot about psychology,
1:44books, I've devoured books. So, it's as
1:47if I had many puzzle pieces, but I
1:49didn't quite know how to fit them
1:51together. So, when my children left to
1:54study for their degrees, when they came
1:56here to Madrid to study, I have
1:57children, I have a daughter who is
1:59turning 32 and another who is 31, so, I
2:01have grown children now. But when they,
2:03uh, left...I’m a single parent,
2:05I’ve been a single parent for a long
2:07time. So, when they went away to study,
2:09since they’re the same age, I was
2:11left all alone that year. I got hit
2:13with a bad case of empty nest syndrome
2:15and said, "Well, it’s time to fulfill
2:16a dream, which is to study what I’ve
2:18always liked, right?" Psychology. And
2:21that’s when I started; in 5 years I
2:23finished my degree and then I did a
2:25master’s in neuropsychology because I
2:27wanted to specialize in that, you know?
2:29And then, regarding what you mentioned
2:31earlier about the training center.
2:33Before that, I set up a professional
2:35driver training center,
2:37meaning I taught people how to drive
2:39trucks and taught them mechanics,
2:40automotive, for example. So, naturally,
2:43I’ve moved through many trades,
2:45several trades, right? I was in real
2:48estate, I had a real estate agency,
2:49then I also had a restaurant, and I was
2:51with a tour operator for a few years.
2:54The tour operator thing is very curious
2:55because it was like an escape valve. So
2:57, I had, my children were small, 10, 12
3:00years old. So my mother would tell me,
3:02"I’ll look after the kids for you,
3:03but only for work, eh?" Otherwise, no.
3:04And I said, "Let me see what job I can
3:06find that involves travel, I mean, I
3:08need a job." And so I got into that for
3:11about 7 or 8 years, and honestly, I had
3:13a great time because it gave me a
3:15breather; it gave me, I mean, I’ve
3:17always been a person who has adapted,
3:19very chameleon-like to what life has
3:21put in front of me, and I’m a huge
3:23fan of personal reinvention. I mean, I
3:27believe every human being has
3:28incredible potential inside. And that
3:31complaining gets us nowhere, but if
3:33you’re in a place you don’t like,
3:35change it. The thing is, the brain will
3:39tend to hold you back because the brain
3:42wants security, wants you to feed it
3:44and give it pleasure based on dopamine,
3:47etc., and not take it out of that zone,
3:49because everything that involves
3:51leaving that zone threatens its
3:53survival as it perceives it. So, what
3:56happens? That personal development
3:58implies discomfort for the brain. The
4:01brain is going to tell you not to make
4:04changes, to stay where you are, and so
4:07it’s a tug-of-war, a fight against
4:09that inertia, and it’s wonderful.
4:14Honestly, on a personal level, I am
4:16super happy with everything, with all
4:18the things that have been happening,
4:21you know? And and what life has been
4:24putting in front of me, and being able
4:25to manage all that and now do what I am
4:27doing, you know? That my life's purpose
4:30today is this, it's to share, to reach
4:31as many people as possible.
4:34And and beyond just fulfilling a
4:35personal dream, it's about this spirit
4:37of giving, of doing something for
4:39others too, which is wonderful. And I
4:41insist, a person's life purpose changes
4:45. So, my life's purpose today is this.
4:47I love it. Ten years ago it was another
4:49, and twenty years ago it was different
4:50. And that is the beauty of life,
4:53discovering one's life purpose and
4:55adapting it to the human beings we are
4:57becoming. I I just think with this
5:00message alone you've given a
5:02masterclass, right? And that it will be
5:04able to help so many people because I
5:05see that many people in our environment
5:07, right? In the end, at ages that are
5:09like the key ages, you know? Which are
5:1130, 35, and so on, it's like you have
5:13to have your future settled, and it's
5:16too late for you to study. You have a
5:18job, but you're stuck here. How are you
5:20going to try to fight for something you
5:22like to do? When could it be? And in
5:24the end, they stay for many years
5:26living a life they don't like simply
5:28because of that fear of changing, right
5:30? And you have changed every time you
5:31felt uncomfortable.
5:32All the time. I mean, for me, it's in
5:34every area, like, for example: I could
5:36be living somewhere—and I still am,
5:38and for whatever time I have left—I
5:40could be living in a place where I
5:42suddenly get tired of it, for whatever
5:44reason, and I don't just stay there
5:46complaining about whether the neighbor
5:48is making noise or if the garbage truck
5:50happens to pass by at 7 AM, right? I
5:52mean, I think, well, it's a moment
5:54where life is telling me, pushing me,
5:55that I have to move. So, for me,
5:58enthusiasm is much stronger than any
6:01laziness. I mean, that is my modus
6:04operandi. And it is true that society
6:07tends to label us on a chronological
6:09clock of what you should be doing. So,
6:12when you don't meet those social
6:15expectations, then you are the
6:17different one, and being different
6:19isn't always liked. What happens? Your
6:22environment will tend to hold you back,
6:24asking, "Where are you going?" That has
6:26happened to me so many times, and in
6:28those cases, for me, it's fuel. So,
6:30people tell me, "How are you going to
6:32study at 41? You're going to start a
6:35degree now?" And I say, "Hold my drink,
6:37you’re about to see." Like, "What are
6:39you talking about?" I mean, for me,
6:41it’s fuel. So, the point is realizing
6:44that often the people who ask where
6:47you're going do so because they can't.
6:51Because if you show them that it’s
6:53possible, you’re forcing them to see
6:55that it can be done, and then they have
6:58to get uncomfortable, and people don't
7:00want to be uncomfortable. Most people,
7:03obviously, are not...
7:05it's the justification of, "No, that's
7:07impossible." If someone on their level
7:09achieves it, it no longer works to
7:11convince themselves that it can't be
7:12done, right?
7:13Exactly. I mean, if people stay still,
7:16then that means they don't have to get
7:19uncomfortable. So they tell you, "No,
7:21that's impossible, you won't be able to
7:23." Then you go and show them that you
7:25can, and in the end, it’s setting an
7:27example, isn't it? You say, "No, of
7:29course it's possible." And that is for
7:31yourself, not for others. That is
7:34important. You have to do all this for
7:36yourself, by yourself.
7:37And while you're at it, you also shut a
7:39few mouths, right? But above all for
7:42you, by you, and also to set an example
7:44for the people you love. I mean, with
7:47my children, I love for them to see
7:49that their mother can fulfill dreams,
7:52because I'm showing them that age
7:55doesn't matter, that you can fulfill
7:57dreams regardless of your age. And it
8:01is super important to send that message
8:04. Sending that message is amazing. And
8:08that excitement, that spark, that look
8:10in your eyes, enthusiasm has no age,
8:12truly. There are people in their 30s
8:14who are burnt out and people in their
8:1690s whose eyes still sparkle, and that
8:18is incredible, and it comes from within
8:20. You can have a lot of money, get all
8:23sorts of surgery, but you can't get
8:25surgery for the sparkle in your eyes.
8:26That comes from within, it comes from
8:27your dreams. So, one thing, I mean, has
8:30that been with you forever, that thing
8:33about being, let's say, addicted to the
8:35uncertainty zone?
8:37Right?
8:37There was a moment,
8:40right? I came with the same fears and
8:43the same limitations
8:45as everyone else.
8:47It’s one of the things I teach in
8:48mental reprogramming. Of course, from
8:50the first seven years, we inherit a
8:52bunch of beliefs that aren't ours, that
8:54come from outside and hold us back a
8:56lot. So, I had that kind of belief just
8:59like everyone else, more or less, and I
9:01had a self-concept that is not at all
9:03what it is today. That's why I always
9:05say that we aren't a certain way, but
9:07rather we are in the process of
9:09becoming. So, I have realized that we
9:13can adopt personalities, which doesn't
9:15mean we have split personalities or
9:17anything like that, but rather, I am
9:20like this—no, you are being like this
9:22, but you can be otherwise. And no, I
9:26couldn't tell you an exact or specific
9:28turning point. It did mark me a lot to
9:32admit the fact of having children, my
9:35kids, so young and having to go through
9:38complicated personal situations. And I
9:42always say that the most extraordinary
9:43human beings I have met are people who
9:45have gone through what is known as what
9:47St. John said, right? The dark night of
9:49the soul. So, when someone has hit rock
9:52bottom, when someone has gone through
9:54that dark night, they tend to have much
9:56richer nuances to their personality. So
9:59, I think that in the end, it’s about
10:01building a profession, which is also
10:02something I really like to say, right?
10:05Building a profession around a
10:06well-healed wound. And I have gone
10:09through that experience. Like when I
10:12studied psychology, the fact of coming
10:14with a life trajectory, with such a
10:16significant personal background, I
10:18really enjoyed it; I mean, I would sit
10:21down and absorb. It was like: "Ah, for
10:24me it was, wow, of course," when, for
10:26example, psychopathology, right?
10:29Personality disorders, I knew people
10:30for all the disorders. I mean, in the
10:33exam I would say, "Ah, okay, that
10:34strange student who would just sit
10:36there staring at me and not say
10:37anything, this guy was schizoid." So,
10:39of course, it was, I had people for
10:40everything. My classmates were younger
10:42than my children.
10:44So, of course, I would say, they were
10:46confused, they got tangled up, and
10:47I’d say, "Well, I have it all very
10:49clear." I’ve known psychopaths,
10:50narcissists, I’ve known everything. "
10:52And and of course, it's true that I
10:54couldn't tell you, eh, answering your
10:56question, an exact point where I
10:58started to make myself uncomfortable.
11:02Rather, it is something that I have
11:06been...yes, yes, books that have fallen
11:11into my hands, hm, in my experiences,
11:15the the that impulse to be better, to
11:19be well, not settling. I think what
11:22defines me is that I don't settle. When
11:24there is something and I don't like it,
11:25I change it. Within, of course, you
11:27study a degree in psychology and then
11:29within that psychology there are many
11:31branches.
11:32Why did you decide on the one you chose
11:34?
11:34Neuropsychology. Well look, I’m very
11:37interested in brain functions as if it
11:40were a computer, that's why I do mental
11:43reprogramming. So, the the computer
11:48metaphor of cognitive-behavioral
11:50therapy and so on, but what happens is
11:53that I have a spiritual side and then I
11:56have this scientific side, and what I
11:58really like is being able to combine
12:01them because that’s how you reach
12:03everyone, and science cannot explain
12:05everything. Science can explain very
12:08little because we can explain the world
12:10through our senses, and we are very
12:12limited by our senses. To give you an
12:14example, 100 years ago, well, the
12:16sounds were what they were, right?
12:19However, now we know because there is
12:21technology that proves it, that dogs
12:23hear frequencies that we cannot hear.
12:25So, what happens? That those
12:26frequencies didn't exist? Of course,
12:27it's just that we couldn't measure them
12:28. Well, what happens to me is that the
12:31issue is that I have always been
12:32attracted to or have had that spiritual
12:34side for a time in my life. I denied it
12:37because I said," This cannot be
12:39explained. "And then I say, and
12:43studying the more, let's say,
12:45mechanical part of the human being,
12:47more scientific, and then combining it,
12:50when I read a study that explains what
12:53millennial traditions have been saying
12:55for thousands of years in a scientific
12:58way, that gives me tremendous happiness
13:01. I mean, I say," There it is, it's
13:03clear. "I mean, little by little we
13:06will be able to, science has to be more
13:08humble because people who are stubborn
13:10say," If it doesn't exist, if you can't
13:12measure it, it doesn't exist. "And you
13:15say," Well, let's see, does anyone
13:16doubt that love exists? "No, has
13:18someone ever measured it, right? So,
13:21there are things that just cannot be
13:23explained through the TIM. And I
13:25studied or chose, uh, neuropsychology,
13:28because it was a way to have more tools
13:30to provide a scientific basis for the
13:32sensations, experiences, and situations
13:35I've lived through that can't be
13:37explained from a scientific point of
13:39view. And so I combine it, I unite it
13:44to generate a way to help, to help
13:47myself first, and then to be able to
13:50pass on, or teach, or give that
13:53knowledge to others, right? And that is
13:57mental reprogramming, the ability we
14:00have to take those beliefs we have so
14:02deeply introjected at a subconscious
14:04level and be able to, uh, modify them,
14:07okay? Hm, sorry," replace "would be the
14:10word, because we cannot forget beliefs.
14:13The brain doesn't know how to forget;
14:14it knows how to replace. So, one person
14:17says," I'm just really bad, uh, I'm
14:20very absent-minded, right? "In an
14:22interview recently, a girl told me, the
14:24girl interviewing me, Noelia, said,"
14:26I'm just very absent-minded. "I said,"
14:27Noelia, do you have children? "And she
14:29says," Yes, a boy. "I say," Have you
14:30ever forgotten your child in the car or
14:31something? "She says," No, not at all.
14:33"I say," Then you are not absent-minded
14:34. "I say," The important stuff, you
14:36don't forget. "I say, what happens is
14:37that you've told yourself you are
14:39absent-minded, and you've believed it.
14:41So you do things that, through
14:43self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforce
14:46that belief. But if you suddenly say,"
14:48No, no, not at all, I'm the best, I
14:49mean, I don't get distracted by
14:51anything. "I mean, there will come a
14:52time when your brain starts to believe
14:54it, and then, as a matter of
14:55self-fulfilling prophecy, you will
14:57behave that way. That's what I would
15:00like us to delve into, how important it
15:02is for people to know how to talk to
15:04themselves.
15:06Wow, language is brutal, for better or
15:09for worse; it either builds you up or
15:11destroys you. So, internal dialogue,
15:14look how curious, I'm going to give you
15:17a metaphor, right? Which is wonderful
15:19because it explains this very well.
15:21What I was talking about before, from
15:23zero to the first seven years, is when
15:25these beliefs are recorded. So it's
15:27like a recorder, okay? You record
15:28everything. A child records everything
15:31without questioning it. They believe
15:33everything, whether it's the Three Wise
15:35Men, the tooth fairy, and if you tell
15:37them they're clumsy, they'll believe
15:39that too; they won't question a thing.
15:41So that gets recorded there. It's the
15:43subconscious part, 95%of it is that,
15:46and 5%is the conscious part. Well,
15:50after those 7 years, the recording
15:52stops and you hit play, and it's your
15:55voice. That inner dialogue that asks
15:59you," Why do you do this? "And
16:00sometimes you even say," I'm saying
16:03something my mother used to say,
16:05someone shoot me if you see me getting
16:07too, I mean, so clearly, that's because
16:10we have that voice recorded. "So, of
16:13course, what we tell ourselves is super
16:15important, and our parents did the best
16:18they could. So, staying in the victim
16:21role because you had a shitty childhood
16:23, okay? I mean, it may objectively be
16:27that way or not. It's important to
16:30rewrite it. That's why language is so
16:32powerful, so potent. What one tells
16:34oneself, being aware that it isn't
16:36yours, that it comes from outside, and
16:38that the people who passed those
16:40beliefs on to you—because they were
16:42passed on to them in turn—did the
16:44best they could. But from there, from
16:46that 5%conscious part, you say," Let's
16:48see, what I'm telling myself isn't
16:49building me up; it's destroying me,
16:51weighing me down, holding me back. "So,
16:53I have to change that dialogue I have
16:54with myself. And that's where mental
16:56reprogramming comes in, which is what I
16:57do. So, what I do is I record myself
17:00with my own voice, with some hertz,
17:03some music with specific hertz, and I
17:06work with brain waves; I mean, right
17:09now we are speaking and thinking, so we
17:12are in some high beta waves. Then when
17:15we go home, we're relaxed and so on, we
17:17are in alpha waves, then we drop a
17:19little bit more into theta waves, then
17:21delta, gamma, etc. But the hypnagogic
17:23state, which is the state of drifting
17:25off to sleep, that is the state, that
17:27is the theta state, which is the state
17:29where the brain is susceptible to being
17:31reprogrammed. So, that's where I do my
17:33reprogramming; I've reprogrammed a ton
17:34of things about myself, and I am not
17:36the same person I was, I'm not. It
17:38feels like a different life. It’s
17:40mind-blowing because it’s true that
17:42we can, it’s very powerful, and
17:43people need to know it, use it, and do
17:44it. The thing is, of course, you have
17:47to repeat, because as adults, we can
17:49only reprogram through repetition. But
17:52it’s like if I...you tell me:" I want
17:54to...I want to get in shape, "and I say
17:55:" Okay, come on, let’s go, I’ll
17:57make you a workout plan, go ahead and
17:58do it. "I’ll set it for 15 reps, so
18:01many sets, this and that, and then I go
18:03and give it to you. If you don’t do
18:05it, you won't get strong; mental
18:07reprogramming is the same story. The
18:09brain needs three weeks to generate new
18:11connections, and then they must be
18:13reinforced because, naturally, you have
18:15a lifelong neural circuit, deeply
18:17rooted; it’s like a five-lane highway
18:19, and suddenly you’re carving out a
18:21small new path here. The brain will
18:24tend to go there, but you tell it," No,
18:26this way. "And that little path will
18:28gradually become one lane, then two,
18:30then five, and eventually, since you
18:32aren’t using the other one, it will
18:34fade away, and this new one will
18:36prevail. So, that is mental
18:39reprogramming. Meaning, if you, imagine
18:42, get a cast on your arm, if you keep
18:44your arm in a cast for a while, you
18:46lose bone density and muscle mass.
18:48Well, if you stop using a neural
18:51circuit, it can also be lost. So
18:54that’s how we reprogram the mind. And
18:59mentally, you have to do a lot of
19:01mental exercise to somehow connect with
19:03the present and stay strong for those
19:05three weeks to do it, because people
19:07usually say," Okay, that’s nice, but
19:09how do I do it? How do I do it? How do
19:12I do it? "That is the question.
19:13And in two days," Oh, I told myself for
19:15two days that I’m super organized, "
19:18and no, that’s it. No, no, what I do
19:21is there are audios for the morning, I
19:23mean, it’s like...I tell them, this
19:26is like taking a pill, okay? So I’m
19:29going to tell you to listen to this
19:30audio in the morning, this one at night
19:32, and the other whenever you want, okay
19:33? There are three in total: there’s
19:36the morning one, for example, which
19:38usually lasts between 5 and 10 minutes;
19:41the night one is between 15 and 20
19:43minutes, which you put next to you in
19:45bed or on the nightstand, and you just
19:48let the audio play. And what’s
19:50interesting, and also quite curious, is
19:52that there are people who take sleeping
19:53pills and with my audio—I say I have
19:55a voice sedative—with my audio they
19:56fall asleep, and they tell me," I just
19:58can't manage to finish listening to it.
20:00"I say, it’s perfect because we are
20:01opening the door to the subconscious,
20:03and that’s where what happens enters.
20:05And then, something very beautiful that
20:07moves me a lot when they tell me, when
20:09they say," Wow, I don't know what’s
20:11happening, but everything is going
20:12better for me. "" I've been listening
20:15to the audios for 15 days, for 20 days,
20:17and everything is going better; I’m
20:19happier, I’m calmer, less reactive, "
20:21and so on, and that is a wonder. And
20:24you don't have to do much; you just
20:26have to be consistent, that's all.
20:29Because it’s a matter of repetition.
20:30The brain is like a small child; it
20:32doesn't question things. And one very
20:33important thing is that we shouldn't
20:35speak to it in the negative. It doesn't
20:36understand" no. "
20:38It doesn't understand" no. "They have
20:41to be short sentences in the first
20:43person, in the present tense, and in
20:44the affirmative. And, well, like I told
20:49you, these are audios where we do
20:51self-hypnosis and guided visualizations
20:53. Visualization is a hyper-powerful,
20:57super-powerful tool. The brain does not
20:59distinguish if what you are visualizing
21:00is something you are just visualizing
21:01or something you are actually living.
21:03On a biochemical and neurochemical
21:04level, the neurotransmitters are the
21:06same. I did an experiment on a podcast,
21:09the lemon one, where I asked the guy to
21:12close his eyes, to visualize a lemon,
21:14and so on; that video went super viral,
21:17like 2 million views or so, also
21:19because people do it, it’s very
21:21interactive, and you realize that you
21:23close your eyes and your salivary
21:25glands, just by visualizing the lemon,
21:28produce saliva. So the body does not
21:31distinguish if what you are thinking is
21:33real or if you are imagining it. It
21:36cannot distinguish it. So, of course,
21:37the language we were talking about, the
21:38things we were discussing, right?
21:39Language, if you, hm, tell yourself
21:42things that alter your body chemistry,
21:44even if you aren't experiencing them,
21:47that goes into your body. And then,
21:50regarding remembering the past, true
21:53maturity and wisdom, in my point of
21:55view, is remembering the past without
21:57emotional charge. I mean, when you are
22:01able to remember the things that have
22:03happened to you without adding
22:05emotional charge, it’s amazing
22:06because you can see them in a very
22:08objective way,
22:09because when you remember something
22:11painful, your body doesn't distinguish
22:12whether what you are remembering is
22:13something you are living through again.
22:16That is why these eternal therapies
22:18where people recount and recount drama
22:20and drama and drama, what you're really
22:22doing, what people do to the patient in
22:25that case, is to revive the body
22:26chemistry and their body, because our
22:29body is the battlefield of emotions.
22:33So, what we think and what we say is
22:35super powerful. Language is so
22:38important, how we talk to ourselves.
22:40Super important.
22:41The tendency of many people. You must,
22:45well, you can speak at length about
22:47this, about comparing problems based
22:49precisely on that emotional charge,
22:51saying:" Hey, come on, I’ve read the
22:54book, I recently read*The Dancer of
22:56Auschwitz*, "how the protagonist, Edith
22:58, speaks, about problems from the
23:03Holocaust.
23:04with that predisposition to move
23:06forward. Then you say to yourself,
23:08there are people who are complaining.
23:11That tendency to compare problems to
23:12dive deeper into victimhood and say,"
23:13No, no, it's that I'm worse off than
23:15you. "It seems like a race."
23:19No, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
23:20"
23:21Yes, yes, it's true. The typical person
23:23you tell," My shoulder hurts. "And they
23:24say," Oh, if only you had mine. "And
23:26you say," Damn. "
23:27A competition to see who is worse off.
23:28Yes. No, I had an acquaintance, not a
23:30friend, an acquaintance from a long
23:31time ago that another friend of mine,
23:33who was a real friend, and I used to
23:34joke about. I would tell her," There
23:35you go again. "" Well, I woke up today
23:37with a sore foot, "and my foot was
23:38always more, I mean, it didn't matter
23:40what topic you brought up, it didn't
23:42matter, and the other one already knew
23:44it. She would say," Oh, my foot, my
23:46foot is worse. "Yes, it's a competition
23:50against victimhood; the brain loves to
23:54play the victim because Because if
23:59instead of moving past victimhood and
24:01facing your problems, you stay a victim
24:04, you don't have to do anything. It’s
24:07like passing the buck, okay?
24:09Victimizing yourself or projecting your
24:11baggage onto others means your brain
24:13doesn't have to do anything. If it's
24:15your fault, I don't have to do anything
24:17. If it's not...well, the number of
24:22people who come to me or work with me
24:24online and complain about their cousin,
24:26their brother, their whatever—you
24:28just think," My goodness, they're
24:29projecting so much. "
24:32The blow that we're going to
24:34And you just complain about everything.
24:36If you complain about everyone, maybe
24:37you need to start with
24:38with yourself. I say you have to view
24:40life either through a window or as if
24:42it were a mirror. There are two ways to
24:44look at life. If you look at it like a
24:46window, always looking out, meaning the
24:48blame is always outside, it’s outside
24:49, everything is outside. Or if you look
24:52into a mirror, though it’s not easy
24:53because you have to see both the good
24:55and the bad. What happens? The good
24:57part—this is a beautiful thing—the
24:59good is in what you admire in others.
25:02When you have a person in front of you
25:03and you say," Wow, this guy, this girl,
25:05I love this about this person. "It’s
25:08because that is latent in you; it is
25:09within you. We cannot admire anything
25:12that we don't carry inside. That’s
25:15for the good. I mean, that is, that is
25:17very powerful. We have to analyze this.
25:20I mean, if you admire something in
25:21someone, it’s because it’s right
25:23there, it's inside you.
25:25And what you criticize, too. Meaning,
25:28when I want to get to know someone, I
25:29don't look at what they say about
25:30themselves; I look at what they say
25:32about others. So, when someone says,"
25:34Wow, I can't stand liars, it’s just
25:36something. "I think," Oof,
25:38what a projection. "Or for example," I
25:41always have such bad luck. "" All my
25:45exes are, I don't know, now that it's
25:46so trendy, psychopaths, narcissists, "
25:48and you think," Oof, everyone? Such bad
25:51luck. "And you say," No, no, it's not
25:53bad luck. "" You are projecting there.
25:56"So, the good and the bad is as easy as
25:58holding a mirror up to yourself. So,
26:00the beautiful thing about all this is
26:02that when you admire someone else, that
26:05quality is in you. The thing is,
26:07there’s an underlying belief that
26:09doesn't allow you to bring it out.
26:11I’m not enough. I don’t think
26:14I’ll be able to. Those are the
26:16beliefs that limit us the most, that
26:17weigh us down the most, right? And
26:20conversely, it’s also what we can’t
26:23stand about others because, obviously,
26:25there are things we won’t like, but
26:27that doesn’t mean you have them
26:29yourself. But when it’s something
26:31that especially irritates you, drives
26:33you crazy, and you can’t stand in
26:35others, stop for a moment and analyze
26:37it because it might be something
26:39you’re projecting outward that is
26:41actually inside of you. So, personal
26:43development makes you uncomfortable
26:45because it forces you to look at those
26:46parts you don’t like. I have a funny
26:49question.
26:50Yes.
26:52I mean, why is it a human tendency that
26:54when we receive a compliment, we say,"
26:56No, no way. "I mean," You've lost
26:58weight, "" No, no, no, "or they tell
26:59you," You look great. "" Well, you too,
27:01"I mean, like deflecting it, because we
27:03aren't capable of believing it.
27:05False modesty.
27:06That false modesty is ingrained,
27:08right? And then on the contrary, I mean
27:10, someone says something bad to you,
27:11and even if you know it’s not true,
27:13you feel terrible, I mean, you get
27:15upset, you really get upset. It’s the
27:17ego, right? I mean, false modesty also
27:21comes to us from the outside, a bit
27:23through socialization, having to be
27:24humble, because there's a confusion,
27:26since you can be super humble but still
27:29accept that compliment from others. So,
27:32that’s due to a dialogue that people
27:35have or that we perceive from the
27:37people around us when we are little."
27:40Look at how cocky that one is. "" Look
27:41at this one. "And so it’s like we
27:43have to stay held back, right? So that
27:45they don’t think I’m arrogant, so
27:47that they don’t think I’m stuck up.
27:49So in the end, it’s false modesty.
27:51Ultimately, there are two universal
27:53fears in human beings. The first is not
27:55being loved, and the second is being
27:57abandoned, rejected, or cast out of the
27:59pack. Those are the two most ancestral
28:02fears that exist. So what happens? That
28:04if suddenly someone tells you," Hey,
28:06that sweatshirt looks great on you. "
28:07It’s true. What does the other person
28:11think? Damn, I'm crushing it, right? So
28:14,
28:14sure, so with what intent do they make
28:15the comment, what do you expect. Any
28:17answer is bad.
28:18Any answer is bad. You said it yourself
28:19. If you say, if you because but it's
28:22socialization, so in the end it's a
28:24matter of socialization. I mean, if you
28:26say, well yes, I love it, it looks
28:28great on me. You look like an ass
28:31socially and if you say, no, uh, it
28:34didn't, it cost me 20 bucks I
28:37Right, it's that classic, oh, well it
28:39cost me nothing. Sure, like
28:41so it is a matter of socialization. So
28:43we meet certain social standards so as
28:46not to be cast out or rejected from the
28:49pack. I insist, it's an ancestral fear.
28:52So, we do things out of, uh, out of
28:54fear, we do things to fit into the
28:56social group, because if we don't, that
28:59evolutionary belief underlies it, that
29:02oh, I won't be accepted, and we are
29:04social beings. So that is the worst
29:06thing. No, in fact, i in other cultures
29:11, in other eras, etcetera, when they
29:13wanted to punish someone they would
29:15banish them, I mean, exile, being taken
29:17out of the group, out of the core, that
29:19was the greatest punishment you could
29:21give a person. So, that remains in the
29:24collective psyche, so we want to fit in
29:26, so we want to meet certain standards
29:28and it's a false modesty that comes
29:30from outside, that isn't ours, does
29:31that make sense
29:32a person. Let's see, I want you to give
29:35your point of view. How does a person
29:38go from feeling that self-concept that
29:41needs external validation to reaching
29:44that point of my self-concept is
29:48traversed by me and what I think I do,
29:51how does that transition
29:52it's a Yes, yes, yes, that's maturity.
29:55I mean, there comes a moment, it
29:57happened to me, where before I cared a
29:59lot about what people thought, I needed
30:02that external validation, like everyone
30:04else; but then a moment arrived where I
30:07was maturing, growing, and now, today,
30:09what I care about is basically zero. I
30:12mean, if people criticize me on social
30:15media, put me under the rug, I don't
30:18care, but if they praise me, I don't
30:20care either. I mean, it neither boosts
30:23me nor brings me down. I mean, I know
30:25who I am. The question is, who are you?
30:30What kind of human being are you? Do
30:32you love yourself? I mean, you have a
30:34good self-concept, good self-esteem. If
30:37you have good self-esteem and a good
30:38self-concept, you don't need outside
30:40validation. But I insist, neither for
30:42better nor for worse. I mean, if
30:44someone compliments me, I say," Well,
30:46okay. I know who I am regardless. "
30:48Ultimately, people, and we've talked
30:50about this before, people project what
30:52they carry inside. If you are happy,
30:54you tend to see the beauty in people
30:56and tend toward praise. If you are
30:59bitter, you tend to see the negative,
31:00or you invent it, and in the end, you
31:01vent that frustration we talked about
31:02earlier, right? There are many people
31:05like that, poor things. So, in the end,
31:08I think that is achieved through
31:10self-esteem and self-knowledge. That is
31:13to say, I know who I am, I know what
31:15I've been through. The other day,
31:17someone told me...I was talking about
31:20when there is a separation, you have to
31:22be very careful with the children
31:24because studies have shown that their
31:27cortisol levels in saliva rise when
31:29they witness arguments or even hostile
31:32non-verbal language, etc.;it seems like
31:34they are calm, but that reel came out.
31:37So someone commented," What would you
31:39know? Wait until you have children to
31:41talk, "and I said," But look, you don't
31:42even know me. "Of course,
31:44it's not that I don't have children, I
31:45actually have grandchildren, I have
31:46three. I mean, what are you even
31:48talking about? But people
31:50project,
31:52they speak without knowing. So, clearly
31:54, how am I going to value the opinion
31:56of someone who doesn't know me? But not
31:58for good or for bad. I mean, no, I know
32:00who I am. So, my answer to your
32:03question is, do you stop needing
32:05external validation when you know who
32:07you are? When you have a clear
32:11self-concept, there comes a point where
32:14you become invincible. Mind you,
32:16because when you are not affected by
32:18the good or the bad that they tell you,
32:20nothing can stop you. I mean, you head
32:22out and say," Let's see, where do I
32:23want to go? "Then someone asks," Where
32:25are you going? "And whether they
32:27compliment you or not, I mean, you
32:29become unstoppable, I mean, nothing
32:32stops you. It is very, very good.
32:36Uh, we've talked about social media,
32:38about the comments people post, and I
32:40wanted to ask if now that social media
32:43has become so widespread, right? And
32:46that many people use it simply to spew
32:48hate, because there are compliments,
32:49but on social media, people don't
32:51exactly tend to use it to compliment.
32:53Do you think this rise and this boom in
32:56social media may have made the
32:58population much more unhappy and we are
33:01all much sadder? No, because I hear
33:03what is ultimately typical, right? You
33:05talk to your grandparents and they tell
33:07you," Depression? That didn't exist in
33:09my day, we didn't have time for those
33:11things, we were working. "So is it true
33:13that because we are now so relaxed at a
33:16social level, at least here in the
33:18First World, and we have so much time
33:20to dedicate to social media and such,
33:22it has lowered our level of happiness
33:24and everything?
33:26Yes, for two, look, two, two parts.
33:29Answer, look, uh social media,
33:32especially uh, well, Instagram, TikTok,
33:36well, the scrolling, right? That is
33:40what it does at a brain level, it
33:42releases—you've heard it a million
33:44times, the topic of dopamine is very
33:46trendy, dopamine, dopamine. What
33:47happens? That, uh, it has been seen
33:49that higher levels of dopamine generate
33:52lower levels of serotonin. The
33:54neurotransmitter of happiness par
33:57excellence is serotonin, and the one
33:59for pleasure is dopamine; both are
34:02great. The thing is, of course, when
34:04there is a lot—since it's inversely
34:06proportional—when there is a lot, a
34:08big shot of dopamine, which is what
34:10causes social media addiction, which is
34:12off the charts, then serotonin drops,
34:14and with it the perception of happiness
34:16. So, that is one of the reasons why
34:19the subjective perception of happiness
34:21is dropping so much. And then, to the
34:25answer regarding depression and what
34:26you say that, well, older people...
34:27there was no depression before. The
34:30thing is that depression, look, it's
34:32like, well, there are like two, like,
34:34two tendencies in the human being, in
34:36the ego: going forward or going
34:38backward. Staying in the present is
34:41complicated because it's the continuity
34:42that the ego needs on the timeline to
34:44be able to identify itself. The point
34:46is that people who have more of a
34:48tendency to look back into the past are
34:50more depressive people. People who have
34:53a greater tendency to look ahead,
34:54toward the future, are more anxious
34:56people. Look, anxiety and depression
34:58are the ills of the current era. When
35:01old folks say there was no depression
35:02back then, it's because they didn't
35:04have time to look back, they had no
35:06time, they were working the whole time.
35:08Now we perhaps have more time, and
35:09that's why, of course, you say to an
35:11old person," But what depression? I got
35:13up at 5 in the morning, fed the animals
35:15, went to the orchard, went I don't
35:16know where. So, what happens? They were
35:18exhausted, they went to sleep, and it
35:21was a day where hedonism was completely
35:23absent. So, we are now in a society,
35:25thankfully, that is much more
35:26hedonistic. But on the other hand,
35:28having more time, that time depends on
35:30how you use it; you can use it to push
35:32forward and grow, or you can use it,
35:34for example, to wallow in...well, there
35:36are people in their 30s who say, "Back
35:38when I was young," and you think, "But
35:40what are you now, man?" They say, "Yes,
35:44my best time, the high school years.""
35:46You say," Where are you going with that
35:48? "I mean, look, I am a fan of optimism
35:50because I say," No, my best time is
35:52still to come, right? "If I always
35:54project myself forward with optimism."
35:58And there's a phrase I love, which is:
35:59feet on the ground, but eyes on the
36:00stars—in other words, look at where
36:02I'm going. But depression has that
36:05component of looking backward. So, of
36:09course, when there have been eras—
36:11look at the people who have this type
36:13of outlook—these are people who lived
36:16through a civil war, others a
36:17dictatorship, and then a
36:19post-dictatorship period, meaning
36:21scenarios infinitely more complicated
36:23than the ones we have now. So, of
36:27course, they didn't have it, or
36:29depression wasn't as recurrent because
36:32there was no time to dwell on the past.
36:36So that, the way I see it, is one
36:38factor. I mean, there is, it's
36:41multicausal. Uh, depression obviously
36:44also has a genetic component, it has
36:47many, but it is, a part of it can be
36:49explained that way. Huh.
36:53One of the questions that we have also
36:56asked several professionals is, what is
36:58your idea of depression? Do you create
37:00it yourself? How does that same person
37:04perceive the situation when they have
37:06to get themselves out of it? Tell us a
37:09little bit.
37:10Yes. Well, as I just said, the issue of
37:14depression often has a certain genetic
37:16component, so you have to give it that
37:19level of coverage as well. But then it
37:22is also true that cognitive
37:23interpretation counts for a lot. That
37:26is to say, the point is that how one
37:28interprets external stimuli will
37:30greatly condition how one reacts or
37:32feels. So it is true that it will
37:35depend on one's beliefs. We come back
37:37to the same thing. That is, when you
37:39have certain beliefs, when an input
37:41comes from the outside, a stimulus,
37:43whatever it may be, it passes through a
37:45filter, which are your beliefs, and
37:47then the brain proposes a thought
37:48depending on your belief system. So, of
37:51course, what happens? There are people
37:53who have apocalyptic beliefs, that
37:55everything is going to go wrong...So,
37:57obviously, a person who anticipates
38:00that everything will go wrong has more
38:02of a tendency toward depression than
38:04someone like me, for example, who says:
38:06"Well, I don't know, I spill my coffee
38:09and I say, 'Oh, well, it doesn't matter
38:11, it won't be seen, no.'"
38:15It doesn't matter, I mean, it's a small
38:17setback. My pants came unstitched when
38:18I was coming here this morning, another
38:20one. Anyway, but those are small
38:22setbacks. I don't let myself, because I
38:26don't allow my mind to loop, because
38:28this is very interesting. Now I'm going
38:31to connect it to another topic that is
38:33super powerful, which is that, of
38:34course, when you, imagine, okay, I
38:36arrived in Madrid this morning, I was
38:37wearing other pants and another shirt.
38:40Then, suddenly, my pants came
38:41unstitched and, since it was raining—
38:43which I had no idea it was going to
38:44rain here—and I was wearing my
38:45Converse to be more comfortable at the
38:47airport, well, my pants came unstitched
38:49and, upon going outside, I got covered
38:50in mud. I got covered in mud. In that
38:53moment I said, and I said, "No, no, no,
38:55no, no." Don't ruin my day, just look,
38:57right? I said, "It doesn't matter, I'll
38:59buy some pants." No, no, nothing
39:00happens to me. Screw it, it's not going
39:03to ruin my day. So, what happens? That
39:06when you enter a low, crummy energy
39:07frequency, you collapse along with it.
39:11For one thing, I did a podcast not long
39:13ago on quantum physics that talked very
39:15down-to-earth about how we vibrate at
39:17certain frequencies and inevitably
39:18collapse into similar frequencies. So,
39:22notice that when you start a day off
39:24badly—there are even proverbs for
39:26this, like "you've been jinxed" or "I
39:28got out of the wrong side of the bed"
39:29—there are tons of them. Why? Well,
39:32because if you start the day poorly,
39:34damn, you start vibrating on a misery
39:37station and you start collapsing into
39:39crappy situations all the time. So, if
39:41you know this and you're conscious of
39:43it—this happened to me this morning
39:45and I don't know, oh, I even spilled a
39:48little coffee on myself and then I
39:49thought, no, no, my day's about to go
39:53to hell. And then I say, "No, this is
39:55nothing, I'll fix this quickly." So I
39:59get out of it fast because I'm aware
40:01that if I continue in that dynamic,
40:03I'll collapse into that type of
40:05frequency, and you have to be
40:06responsible with that. That is very
40:09powerful. This that now sounds a bit
40:12esoteric, well, I'm convinced that in
40:1415 or 20 years it will be completely
40:17normal. Just like 20 years ago you'd
40:19talk about meditation and they'd label
40:22you a hippie, and now, it's true, there
40:24are machines, functional MRI machines,
40:26that look at brain activity and realize
40:28that when people are meditating, they
40:31activate the left orbitofrontal cortex
40:33and neurogenesis is created; that is,
40:35new neurons in that part of the brain,
40:37which is the most evolved part, the one
40:40that controls impulses, the one that
40:42makes you less reactive. There is more
40:45neurogenesis in the hippocampus, which
40:47is the center of memory. The amygdala
40:49relaxes, which is the one for emotions,
40:52for anger. So, they realize that
40:55meditation today is like a gym for your
40:57brain and that it molds it over time.
41:01But this, clearly, nobody questions
41:02that now. Well, the thing about energy
41:05frequencies in human beings, in a few
41:06years, will be talked about just like
41:08meditation is talked about now. It’s
41:11that, coming back to what you said at
41:13the beginning, we are probably in the
41:14era where science and the spiritual
41:16world are most connected,
41:17they are getting closer,
41:18they are getting very close.
41:19And I, I personally love it, when I
41:21read something you say, wow, look, for
41:24example, uh, to give you an example, a
41:26study was done with mice, right? They
41:28were approached, they were conditioned,
41:30imagine this is a cherry blossom, so
41:32they approach them and give them
41:33electric shocks, classic conditioning,
41:35the usual stuff. Well, it turns out
41:37they realized there were changes in the
41:39brain and the sperm, and they said, "Oh
41:40, let's have them procreate, have them
41:42produce offspring." They take the
41:44offspring and it turns out that without
41:45ever having conditioned them, they had
41:47an aversion; that is, they had
41:49inherited the trauma of the cherry
41:50blossom.
41:51Yes.
41:52Very intense, it's wild.
41:53Heavy. Well, the third, that's the
41:56second generation, meaning the direct
41:57offspring had a 60-something percent
41:59chance of inheriting the trauma, okay?
42:01And now comes the most mind-blowing
42:02part. The third generation, that is,
42:05the grandchildren, had a 100%chance of
42:08inheriting the trauma. And now, you
42:11think about it when esoteric people
42:12come along and talk about family
42:13constellations, and you say, "Where are
42:15you going with those constellations,
42:16you poor soul?" Excuse me, they are
42:19inheriting what? That science is saying
42:21, "Ladies and gentlemen, traumas are
42:23inherited, they are passed down, that
42:25we..." Maybe there's someone who has a
42:26way...Look, I'll give an example that
42:28just occurred to me, I don't know, but
42:30it could be someone who eats very
42:31quickly. Because now we have food to
42:35feed an army; you go to the supermarket
42:37, you go anywhere, the fridge is full
42:38of food. But watch out, your
42:39grandparents might not have had so much
42:41, eh? And they had to eat quickly or
42:42they didn't eat, because back then
42:43they'd put a pot in the middle and
42:45there were seven kids eating and you
42:46had to be fast. So, you might have a
42:49propensity to regulate your moods with
42:51food, to give an example. Okay.
42:53You're talking about me, literally. Yes
42:55, seriously. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
42:57Well, look, I mean, how powerful it is,
42:59where it can come from, because maybe
43:01we are looking at childhood and it
43:02doesn't come from childhood, maybe it
43:04turns out it's coming from your
43:05grandfather.
43:08This is very intense. I really like it
43:11when serious scientific studies
43:15validate or explain what traditions,
43:18philosophies, or other things have been
43:22explaining or saying for a long time.
43:27Wow, that gets me so excited. I love
43:29that. We talked about it here a bit
43:30with No, with Chema,
43:36no,
43:37with Claudia. Wait. No, what was her
43:39name?
43:42Damn it. Oh, okay, never mind. Pour,
43:44pour me some water too, please.
43:48No, I don't look it, I don't look it.
43:50I'll edit this part out later.
43:53No, I'm staying, the, and on top of
43:55that, on top of that
43:56if this thing turns on, don't worry.
43:59A little bit of cold is fine for me,
44:01but I'm freezing now, and you?
44:03Sure,
44:04that's it.
44:06No, it's done. Okay,
44:11we also talked a bit about that with
44:13Tito Figueroa, who talked about the
44:15subject of epigenetics and how our
44:17thoughts condition the new cells we
44:19create and can even modify our DNA. So,
44:23by modifying our DNA, when having
44:25offspring, they might carry that change
44:27, and in the end, well
44:28brutal. Epigenetics is brutal.
44:30Epigenetics is wonderful. There are
44:33studies done with identical twin
44:35siblings, which means they have exactly
44:37the same genetic load, but for whatever
44:39reason, they are adopted into different
44:42homes. So, the only thing that changes
44:44is the lifestyle, right? So, that
44:47is perfect for seeing how epigenetics
44:49works, because two siblings with the
44:51same genes. Exactly, exactly, exactly.
44:53Then some genes wake up in one and
44:55others in the other. So, epigenetics is
44:57wonderful. That's why, because it's
44:58like having a library. I compare it to
45:00one full of books, and you choose which
45:02book you take out and which ones stay
45:04there. So it is true that it's a super
45:07topic, the subject of epigenetics. I
45:09like it a lot too. Yes.
45:12In the end, it's something like what
45:13you said, right? A few years ago,
45:14nobody took it into account, right?
45:16Like the meditation thing you mentioned
45:18about herbs. It just came to mind, "La
45:19que se avecina."
45:20Oh, yes. The herbs.
45:21The herbs. And now, well, the subject
45:23of, I had also heard it many times,
45:25right? And when you talk about it with
45:27some people, the topic of "you're
45:29vibrating very low," like, man, vibrate
45:31higher because we're all cool here and
45:33you, just by, without even speaking,
45:35just with your vibration, you ruin the
45:37energy. Well, that's everything, but
45:39what do you say, man? What about vibes?
45:40What about energies? Like, it's as if
45:41people are also, I don't know if it's
45:43because of what we talk about, right?
45:45Discovering new things forces them to
45:47have to learn and understand, or
45:48they're comfortable as they are, or
45:50they’ve always heard that’s
45:51nonsense and won't even open themselves
45:53up to trying it out. Uh, but if you
45:56aren't strong enough to try and say, "
45:58Okay, I I think I'm still right and I'm
46:00going to keep going down this path,"
46:02they can also lead you to get lost
46:04along the way. Well, maybe, but they
46:07can drag you along; however, if you're
46:09strong, I mean, in the end, the people
46:12who tell you, "Dude, what are you
46:14saying? That doesn't exist, that this
46:15and that." You say, "Well, look, just
46:16because you haven't seen it, doesn't
46:18mean it doesn't exist." In fact, 500
46:20years ago, whoever said the Earth was
46:22round was the crazy one. Right? So, the
46:26truth is that in the end, what you
46:28can't do is try to change anyone. I
46:31mean, when you, for example, run into
46:33someone who says, "Dude, I don't know
46:35what," and you say, "Okay, I've learned
46:36that you shouldn't argue with those who
46:38don't want to learn anything." So, the
46:40person who is closed off there, I just
46:42go with the flow. So, ah, no, vibration
46:45doesn't exist. No, no, what for? And
46:50honestly, they have no intention of
46:51opening their mind. So, I like to reach
46:53people who want to open their minds. So
46:55, I am super ignorant about everything.
46:58There are just so many things we don't
47:00know, so many. So, I love to learn. I
47:03have a super open mind and you can
47:06always learn from people, but there are
47:08people who don't want to learn, so we
47:11can't force anyone. But the whole vibe
47:14thing, wow, it's noticeable, it's just,
47:17it's crazy. The body, on a conscious
47:20level, you can't really explain it well
47:22. You say, "There's something about
47:24this guy that I don't" Because your
47:25body knows it, and now that I say your
47:27body knows it, I'm going to move to
47:29another scientific study to tell you
47:31about this intuition thing. Look,
47:33that's why I say I love it when science
47:35joins up with these things, it blows my
47:37mind. Look, the Iowa task is called...
47:39this came out in Science magazine a
47:40year and a half ago, maybe two. The
47:44Iowa task was a game; there were four
47:45decks of cards, in one you won a prize,
47:47in the other you lost it. In here you
47:50neither won nor lost, I mean, there
47:51were four of them. Well, they monitored
47:53the subjects, they attached electrodes
47:55to check their galvanic skin response,
47:57the electrical response, their heart
47:59rate. They realized that you had to
48:02flip about 80 cards on average to
48:04realize on a conscious level which deck
48:06was the good one. Okay. Well, the body
48:09knew by about the 10th card. Your heart
48:13, when you were about to touch the
48:15wrong deck, your heart would beat
48:16faster. There was a galvanic response,
48:20an electrical response; I mean, on a
48:22conscious level you had no idea, but
48:23your body was like, "Where are you
48:25going?" I mean, that is instinct.
48:28Instinct is your body warning you, or
48:31what is the same, your subconscious
48:33telling you, "Not that one." So, listen
48:37to your gut because it’s your body
48:39telling you, "Don't go there." So, sure
48:42, there are people who say, "I don't
48:44know what it is about this guy, I don't
48:45know what it is, but I don't like him."
48:47"There's something about him that's
48:47just off." So, listen to that. I’ve
48:50learned to listen to my instinct. When
48:52my instinct tells me, "not that way," I
48:53say, "amen." Because in the end, you
48:56always realize. So, a few years ago, or
49:01even two years ago, if you said "it's
49:04instinct," it sounded ethereal, kind of
49:07flaky. However, with this task I’m
49:11telling you about, this experiment, you
49:13realize your body is already telling
49:15you, "Don't touch that deck, it’s the
49:17other one," but you don't know it yet.
49:20So there is a lot of information, sorry
49:23, that we have at a subconscious level
49:26that we cannot know. It's a bit like
49:29the right hemisphere, right? It’s
49:31where we have a lot, a whole lot of
49:33information that we cannot access
49:35consciously, but it’s there. And that
49:38is why it's so interesting.
49:39Sure, but the doubt that arises for me
49:42now is, you don't know it consciously,
49:44nor have you been, how do you say? Well
49:47, subconsciously manipulated to know
49:49which deck is which. How is your body
49:52able to know that it isn't? I mean,
49:54that's what I...
49:55Sure, that's the "woo-woo" part.
49:58That’s what’s cool, when you say, "
50:00How did my intuition tell me this was
50:01the case?" It was like that, and at no
50:04point was it not; it just was.
50:06I’ll give you a personal example.
50:08When I used to go out partying,
50:10I was always the person who said, "Guys
50:12, let's get out of here. Let’s move."
50:14If we were here, let’s move over to
50:16this part. I could sense something.
50:19Five minutes later, a huge fight would
50:21break out right in the area where I was
50:23.
50:23It was intense. Your body was already
50:25perceiving signs, hostility, uh, a
50:27movement. The thing is, reality has
50:30infinite inputs. When I say infinite, I
50:33mean infinite. And then we have the
50:35filter, which is the reticular
50:36activating system, the brain's filter.
50:39What happens? That on a conscious level
50:41, we don't perceive nuances, but your
50:43subconscious, without you realizing it,
50:45was perceiving a bad gesture here, a
50:48hostile look there, something; you were
50:50sensing the tension. So, on a conscious
50:52level, you couldn't really explain why,
50:54but your subconscious was telling you,
50:55"Let's get out of here because
50:56something's brewing."
50:57Yes, totally, totally. And it wasn't,
50:59no, no, no, it wasn't just once; it's
51:01happened to me several times, so...
51:03Yes, it's because you have that ability
51:05to connect with that intuition as well,
51:07because you can also deny it, eh?
51:11I mean, most people don't even hear it
51:12or perceive it. In your case, you have
51:15a very good connection with that
51:16intuitive side. That’s a question
51:18that comes to mind from this
51:19conversation. I mean, do you think
51:22people already have the answers within
51:23themselves and all they have to do is
51:25listen to their conscience,
51:27to that little inner voice?
51:28I think so. I believe there is an
51:32intrinsic wisdom in people that we
51:35aren't even aware of. Einstein said
51:39that we only perceive the tip of the
51:40lion's tail of reality, meaning almost
51:42nothing. So, I do believe we have the
51:44answers inside. When you study a cell,
51:48you realize everything it does on its
51:51own, all the functions it has, how a
51:53cell specializes in doing one thing,
51:56macrophages that go to clear out the
51:58trash, or the natural killer cells that
52:01take out a virus. I mean, you say, my
52:04God, this, how do they know that? And
52:08there is an underlying intelligence
52:09there that has nothing to do with the
52:10one we use to communicate right now,
52:12much deeper. And I believe that all the
52:15answers are indeed within us. What we
52:17don't have is the access code, uh, yet
52:19to everything.
52:20If you allow me a personal question.
52:22Yes.
52:23Do you believe in God?
52:24I believe there is something more. I
52:26believe I am spiritual. Yes. I believe
52:29there is an intelligence that, that we
52:32are, that is unknowable, that we cannot
52:34know. But yes, yes, I am a person who,
52:38who has had moments where I have said:
52:41there is something here that, I don't,
52:43it absolutely escapes my, my
52:45understanding and, from the most
52:47absolute humility, calling it God,
52:49calling it the universe, calling it
52:52whatever you want to call it.
52:55God, creating a guy with a beard
52:56playing, it’s not a Christian God,
52:58nor is it a God such, simply religious.
53:00I am not religious, I am spiritual. Yes
53:03, I am religious spiritual, yes,
53:05because I understand that there is, uh,
53:08that part that we cannot explain. So,
53:11yes, absolutely yes.
53:12Is a person who is not moved by faith.
53:14Don't you think they are destined a bit
53:16to suffering?
53:17Yes. to emptiness, to uncertainty, to
53:21the
53:22apathy, right? Also.
53:23apathy, and besides, faith is not only,
53:26I mean, faith, I compare it like,
53:28imagine that you arrive at the cinema
53:31and the movie has already started, a
53:34movie, right? And it's already ending,
53:36in fact, and you see the end of the
53:37movie. So you see the last minutes and
53:39you see that it ends well and
53:40everything is fine and then you say, "
53:41Well, since I paid for the tickets, I'm
53:43going to stay and watch the whole movie
53:44, right?" And it starts over, and it's
53:47terrible, eh? It starts with someone
53:50getting a bomb, the kid dies, this and
53:52that, and the people in the cinema
53:53around you are having a terrible time,
53:55but you are calm because you know the
53:57ending. Well, for me that is faith,
53:59knowing the ending, knowing that
54:01everything will be fine, that
54:03everything will turn out well. And when
54:05you want something or set out to do
54:07something, it’s in faith it’s that,
54:09having the clarity that everything will
54:11be fine and that there will be moments
54:13where apparently it won't be going well
54:15. So, sometimes things happen to me and
54:18I say, "Well, why did this have to
54:20happen?" I don't know, but
54:22I ask myself, are you surrendering to
54:24life? Totally. I mean, you surrender,
54:27you surrender and you enjoy it and you
54:29have faith, and yes, yes, yes. I
54:31absolutely believe there is a superior
54:33intelligence that we cannot understand,
54:35but you analyze that, a cell, I mean,
54:37how biology behaves, and you realize
54:39that obviously there is something more
54:41that we cannot explain. It’s
54:44something I had never thought about,
54:46but when Dit Figueroa mentioned it, I
54:48said: "Wow, it's wild, you come from
54:50being a sperm that joins with an egg;
54:52then an embryo is created that knows it
54:54has to grow to this point, and no more.
54:56" Your organs organize themselves like
54:58that, your cells know what to do when
55:00they die, and so on, it's like a
55:02perfect intelligence, literally,
55:04perfect
55:05so that we can be here right now, right
55:06? And these are things we sometimes
55:08don't stop to consider, but it's like
55:10it's just, it's overwhelming. It's
55:12brutal, it's brutal when you stop from
55:14a place of pure humility and say, "My
55:16God, how can we think there isn't
55:18anything more?"
55:20How does it know how the heart pumps?
55:23How do I breathe? How all the vital
55:26functions, all the specialization—
55:27it’s brutal, there is the miracle of
55:29life behind it, right?
55:30It is wonderful,
55:32isn't it? And I also really like how
55:34you're speaking, being a psychologist
55:36and also a neuro—what is it?
55:38Neuropsychologist.
55:39Neuropsychologist, which is what
55:41everyone says, right? That they always
55:43demand you have the title, right?
55:46And how you join it, and how you are
55:47combining it with this topic.
55:48People buy ideological packages. If you
55:52go with science, you go all-in on
55:53science, you can't. Yes, yes. No, no. I
55:57have always loved, my whole life, when
55:59you marry that, when you combine that,
56:02because deep down I have always thought
56:05this, right? The miracle of life, but
56:09then on the other hand, it's true that
56:11to be able to reach more people, to be
56:14able to change more lives, in the end,
56:16if you only touch one side or the other
56:19, you lose out. However, when you are
56:23able to reach people from both sides,
56:26that more scientific side and that more
56:29, uh, spiritual side, that has massive
56:31power. I had that turning point when I
56:35started reading, uh, simplified quantum
56:38physics, you know? I mean, very
56:39down-to-earth. Uh, you say, "My God, so
56:43what we are seeing, perceiving as
56:45reality, is simply that this table, the
56:47electrons in this table, vibrate at a,
56:50uh, go at a different speed than those
56:52in my hand, and that's why I perceive
56:55this as solid.""But there was also a
56:58neuropsychologist, uh, American, who
57:00had a stroke in her left hemisphere,
57:02which is the one that defines the
57:04contours of things." So she lost
57:07certain functions, and she later
57:09recovered and narrated what had
57:11happened to her and said, "I didn't
57:13know, I mean, I stopped perceiving
57:14where my body ended and everything else
57:16began." I stopped perceiving the
57:19contours, and so I perceived that
57:20everything was everywhere. Which is
57:23what
57:24is mind-blowing
57:26because when there is no consciousness,
57:28no mental equipment that defines
57:30contours, there are no contours. I mean
57:34, it doesn't exist, there is no
57:36difference between, there is no
57:37separation between us, between, I mean,
57:40what creates the separation is the
57:42brain, the left hemisphere. So, this
57:44woman tells it in a TED Talk and it's
57:48incredible, incredible. I'll send it to
57:50you. It is amazing. She goes out on
57:53stage with a human brain, right? And a
57:56spinal cord or central nervous system,
57:58and explains the experience: how it
58:00happened, how she, uh, stopped
58:02perceiving the contours and felt an
58:04incredible peace—that's how she
58:06describes it—and felt a spectacular
58:09connection. But she had a brother with
58:12an intellectual disability in her care,
58:13and so it was like, "I have to come
58:15back," she says. But she said, "No, I
58:17don't want to come back." I mean, it
58:18was incredible. It's like, yeah,
58:20incredible. But what is very striking
58:22is that, indeed, what perceives reality
58:25as it is, is the human perceptual
58:27system.
58:28So from there, everything is connected.
58:31So that made a click for me, and from
58:33that point on, it's like, let's see how
58:35I can combine this. So, of course, when
58:38you empower yourself with scientific
58:41tools, but then on the other hand, like
58:43I tell you, every time I read a study
58:45like the ones I’ve told you about,
58:47the Y task or the mice or many others,
58:50I say, "My God,
58:51it blows,
58:51it blows, it blows my mind." And I say,
58:53science is converging more and more
58:56and this also brings a lot of peace,
58:58and peace is lacking in the world.
59:01Also, since the discovery of quantum
59:03mechanics and such, they’ve started
59:05to realize and question everything
59:06because the physical laws that govern
59:08the world don’t work in quantum
59:10mechanics, right?
59:12So, of course, if that is the most
59:13basic thing that governs us, why
59:15don’t our laws apply there? So, from
59:17there on, it’s building from scratch
59:18again. Indeed, quantum physics
59:20precisely dismantles everything in
59:22physics theory. Well, it doesn't
59:24dismantle it, it's another way of
59:26looking at it,
59:27isn't it? So, of course, if a particle
59:29behaves like a particle if I look at it
59:30, but if I don't look at it, it's a
59:32wave.
59:32Exactly.
59:33So,
59:34what happens?
59:35What happens? That if no one looks at
59:36it, what is it, a wave? I mean, then
59:39it's a crazy question.
59:42Well, the story of Schrödinger's cat
59:44or the thing about whether a tree makes
59:45a sound in the forest if no one is
59:47listening to it.
59:48If there is no perceptual system, there
59:50is no vibration, there is no No, I mean
59:52, the sound doesn't exist. That blew my
59:54mind too, huh. When I read about the
59:55tree, I remember years ago I read about
59:57the tree and I was totally stressed out
59:58all afternoon thinking about it. Right,
1:00:00no, because there is a vibration, but
1:00:02if there is no intelligent perceptual
1:00:04system x to capture that vibration, it
1:00:06doesn't exist. Right, it doesn't make a
1:00:08noise.
1:00:08Exactly. And the tree doesn't exist
1:00:10either because it wouldn't be like
1:00:12waves either, I mean, there is no
1:00:13It’s brutal. It's brutal. If there is
1:00:15no observer, right?
1:00:16Right, it’s it’s all varied. If
1:00:18there if there is no consciousness to
1:00:19observe, everything changes.
1:00:21Yes. Let's shift gears a little bit
1:00:24based on
1:00:26Well, I mean, I have many questions
1:00:27that have been coming up. One of them
1:00:31is about people's belief that when they
1:00:34meet someone who is a psychologist,
1:00:37they are constantly analyzing.
1:00:40Oh, yes,
1:00:41You must have been told that 300
1:00:42billion times.
1:00:43Don't analyze me. If you say, "I have
1:00:45nothing better to do right now than to
1:00:46analyze." That, yes, a lot.
1:00:49The question is, does a psychologist
1:00:51know the theory?
1:00:53Yes.
1:00:54How, I mean, how difficult is it for a
1:00:57psychologist, I don't know how to
1:00:58phrase the typical, "But how can you be
1:01:01a psychologist doing what you do?"
1:01:03Check your notes, right? Like, why? Of
1:01:04course, I mean, a psychologist needs a
1:01:06psychologist.
1:01:07Exactly. Yes, literally that.
1:01:09Yes. Well, uh, let's see, there are
1:01:12fewer possibilities because you have
1:01:15more tools, but there is one curious
1:01:17thing, which is the issue of the brain
1:01:20circuit we talked about earlier, the
1:01:23amygdala, etc. So, uh, it can happen
1:01:26that a situation comes to you or
1:01:28overcomes you where the part that,
1:01:31let's say, governs the more evolved
1:01:34part, the prefrontal cortex, right?
1:01:38gets clouded by what is called an
1:01:40amygdala hijack, which would be when
1:01:43there can be a trauma, there can be a
1:01:45limiting belief, and then suddenly, of
1:01:48course, a psychologist can lose their
1:01:50cool at any given moment or suffer a
1:01:52lot.
1:01:55So, it's one thing to have the theory
1:01:57and another thing to know how to manage
1:02:00that theory. I think even more, look, I
1:02:04have learned more as a human being,
1:02:07okay? In that sense, than as a
1:02:10psychologist later, okay? What happens
1:02:13is it's true that the tools I have,
1:02:15especially reprogramming, have helped
1:02:18me modulate all that. That if a
1:02:20psychologist might need a psychologist,
1:02:23I think yes, there can be life stages
1:02:25where one, when there is a pain point
1:02:27where it touches the deepest emotions.
1:02:30Sure, yes, yes. And the business of
1:02:33analyzing others and all that, right? I
1:02:35mean, come on, I speak for myself, I
1:02:37don't dedicate myself to that. I enjoy
1:02:39the people in front of me, I don't
1:02:41analyze their psyche. Meaning, no. It's
1:02:45another thing if I'm interested for
1:02:47some reason in analyzing another's
1:02:48psyche, for whatever reason. Then, in
1:02:51that case, inevitably, if someone
1:02:54criticizes a situation a lot or even to
1:02:56know if they are being sincere, I mean,
1:02:59there are, for example, if you want to
1:03:01remember something, you look left, but
1:03:04if you want to construct, your gaze
1:03:06goes more to the right, right? So, if I
1:03:10want to know if you're lying to me or
1:03:12not, point-blank and without you having
1:03:14prepared the answer beforehand, which
1:03:16is important so you don't have time to
1:03:18construct a lie to tell me later, then
1:03:20you would be recalling it, not
1:03:22constructing it. If I know how to get
1:03:26in and how to ask it, and at the moment
1:03:28I ask, well, I could use those tools,
1:03:31but I don't usually do that. I mean,
1:03:34how exhausting too, right? In
1:03:36No way, right? What a drag, right? I
1:03:38prefer to dedicate myself to enjoying
1:03:40people and learning from them,
1:03:42because everyone always has something
1:03:44to teach.
1:03:45I perceive it in you. And now, because
1:03:47of this, I'm going to ask you the
1:03:48question. Do you think a good
1:03:51professional psychologist should have
1:03:53the capacity to awaken that more
1:03:55conscious side when working?
1:03:58Yes. The more conscious side of a human
1:03:59being. I see what you mean. Yes. There
1:04:01are people, well, I simplify it a lot
1:04:03as being on autopilot, being in
1:04:04unconscious mode. There are many people
1:04:06who get psychology degrees, but then,
1:04:08on the other hand, they aren't good
1:04:09professionals. There are many people
1:04:11in psychology and in absolutely any
1:04:12career and everything.
1:04:14Of course. But we aren't here to assign
1:04:15blame, really. But
1:04:16the thing is, do you understand my
1:04:18question? I mean,
1:04:20you have to be somewhat connected to
1:04:22that conscious side to be a good
1:04:24professional, right? I get that feeling
1:04:27.
1:04:27I think you do have to be connected to
1:04:29the human being in front of you.
1:04:31It's just what you said about having
1:04:33learned more as a human being than as
1:04:34such, the tools that have served you in
1:04:36your life. Totally. I mean, the power
1:04:40to empathize with people. When I'm in a
1:04:44video call, in a session—I work 100%
1:04:46online—but I've realized, and there
1:04:48are studies I've looked into that
1:04:50corroborate it, that brain waves
1:04:52synchronize with the other person
1:04:53regardless of the screen. Today I
1:04:56always look into their eyes. And so I
1:04:58look the person in the eyes, and when I
1:05:00can see their pain—and that's
1:05:01something super powerful—the person
1:05:03starts the video call and I see their
1:05:04gaze and I think, "Oof, they're sad,
1:05:06aren't they?" I think, "They're really
1:05:08hurting." Then we start talking, we
1:05:11start talking, and I think, wow, I've
1:05:12been through that, I really understand.
1:05:16And that's when a connection happens,
1:05:17because it's not the same thing to have
1:05:19read about it in a book as it is to
1:05:21have lived it. And I have a lot of life
1:05:22experience. So, of course, what happens
1:05:25? There are many things that I have,
1:05:27obviously, fortunately not everything,
1:05:29but many things, yes. So, there is a
1:05:32connection there, and when a person
1:05:34feels understood and feels relief, and
1:05:37I notice, I see their expression change
1:05:39, meaning the session ends and you see
1:05:41it; they start the session with a sad
1:05:44look and end it with a light in their
1:05:46eyes,
1:05:48with hope in their eyes. Then I say, "
1:05:50Oh, how I love what I do." I just love
1:05:53it. So there has to be a you have to
1:05:56see, right? It's, ugh, this one has a
1:05:58which is something I can't stand:
1:06:00labels in psychology. There are people
1:06:02who say, "I have a whatever-it-is with
1:06:05a uh a paranoid disorder,
1:06:06who-knows-what, and a bunch of labels."
1:06:09And you say, "What you have is too many
1:06:10psychologists who have given you a
1:06:11bunch of labels, but you don't have any
1:06:12of that." I mean, no. Why? Because when
1:06:15you put a label on someone, you are
1:06:17limiting them. Exactly. "Oh, I have
1:06:19this."
1:06:20You're already limiting them. And then
1:06:21the person, since the internet exists,
1:06:23they look it up. You, you, you, you,
1:06:24you. And then, as a self-fulfilling
1:06:26prophecy, they get trapped there and
1:06:28they never get out of it. "
1:06:30But I am this." No, you are none of
1:06:32that. What? So, I'm a bit weird as a
1:06:35psychologist because I say, "No, no,
1:06:36look, no, get rid of them." Labels. "No
1:06:38, but, but I'm not..." No, you are not
1:06:40that. No, they told you that you are,
1:06:42but you aren't. You are in the process
1:06:43of being. So, do you want to be that?
1:06:45No, I don't. Well, then don't be it.
1:06:47Let's start working so that you aren't
1:06:49that. But it is true that the whole
1:06:52topic of labels has done a lot of
1:06:55damage in psychology, a lot of damage,
1:06:58because the person hides behind them.
1:07:02Considering that the majority of the
1:07:04population lives for and by victimhood,
1:07:05giving a label to a victimized person
1:07:07is loading them with it.
1:07:09Totally, it's giving them the tools for
1:07:11justification so they can stay there in
1:07:13their role as a victim. Victimization
1:07:15causes a lot of damage, but it's very
1:07:16comfortable. I'm telling you, the brain
1:07:18says when victimizing itself, "Oh, well
1:07:20, that's just how I am, no, I have this
1:07:22, this disorder." Oh, no, like people
1:07:24say, I'm very sincere, whoever likes it
1:07:26likes it, and you say, no, look, that's
1:07:28just rude.
1:07:28Exactly. I mean, what you are is rude.
1:07:31I mean, no, that's not a question of
1:07:33sincerity or not. I mean, if you are
1:07:34aware that you are hurting the person
1:07:36that you are communicating your
1:07:37sincerity to, then keep it to yourself.
1:07:39I mean, no. The issue of victimhood is
1:07:43very much the order of the day, but
1:07:46it's because it's a comfortable society
1:07:49, so if you play the victim, you stay
1:07:52right there, right? You don't make
1:07:54yourself uncomfortable.
1:07:56But it's also something that I think is
1:07:57comfortable in the short term, right?
1:08:01In the long term, it can end up leading
1:08:03to many problems, as we talked about
1:08:04before, like you said, it could be
1:08:06depression or anxiety or stress,
1:08:08because you can see that you've spent a
1:08:10large part of your life without doing
1:08:12anything in your power to improve your
1:08:14situation. Yes. So that can end up
1:08:17exactly in more powerful illnesses,
1:08:19right?
1:08:21The gut also does many things of
1:08:23The second brain is the gut, which is
1:08:25where there are many neurons after the
1:08:27brain, in the gut. Well, serotonin is
1:08:30entirely produced in the gut, and it's
1:08:32true that it's a place, a part of the
1:08:34anatomy where emotions are highly
1:08:36somatized, and yes, the fact of
1:08:38victimizing yourself, not getting out
1:08:40of, there are lots of people. Look,
1:08:43there's a doctor, she's called, she was
1:08:45called (I think she's no longer here),
1:08:47Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, she released a
1:08:49book that talked about terminally ill
1:08:51patients. She accompanied thousands and
1:08:53thousands of terminally ill people and
1:08:56said that people, 90-something percent,
1:08:58regret what they didn't do. And that's
1:09:01why, because no, I had a very
1:09:03complicated childhood and I, and they
1:09:04stay there in that role of victims.
1:09:07Look, there are dramatic childhoods,
1:09:09but look, I see people where you say, "
1:09:11Well, look, it's not like I changed
1:09:13schools." And you say, "Well, look,"
1:09:15Look, within the scale of drama,
1:09:17but we fall into that trap of comparing
1:09:19problems, really.
1:09:21Sure, but you say, "No, but in the end,
1:09:23it’s about rewriting, ideally.""I
1:09:26always say that rewriting the past,
1:09:27telling it to yourself,
1:09:28telling it to yourself in a different
1:09:30way. I mean, if you tell yourself your
1:09:32past differently, at first it’s
1:09:33strange, but then there comes a moment
1:09:34when it’s kinder. It doesn’t hurt
1:09:37as much anymore. So, even adding a
1:09:39touch of humor, but without it being
1:09:41self-deception. That is, when you reach
1:09:43a point where you are able to remember
1:09:46what happened to you without emotional
1:09:48baggage, that is maturity and wisdom,
1:09:50that is, remembering the past without
1:09:52emotional baggage. Then you say:" Well,
1:09:56yeah, my childhood wasn't exactly great
1:09:59, but I've become a resilient person;
1:10:01and, also, it's very curious because
1:10:04there are people who...there are like
1:10:06two extremes: the one who stays a
1:10:09victim and the one who says, 'No, now
1:10:11you'll see.' "This happens a lot.
1:10:15Turning it around." And so there are
1:10:17incredible human beings with childhoods
1:10:19, childhoods and adolescences and
1:10:22youths, mind you, and they have
1:10:24transcended things that are incredible.
1:10:28I tell you, the richest personalities I
1:10:30have known, people who have navigated
1:10:31such complicated moments. Yes,
1:10:34it's just that I think this, I don't
1:10:35know what you think. As long as there
1:10:38is one person on earth who has gone
1:10:40through the greatest hardship and can
1:10:42still see the world and still life, the
1:10:45rest of the people have nothing to do,
1:10:47they have no excuses, absolutely
1:10:49nothing is valid.
1:10:51Totally, totally. You mentioned before
1:10:52the book about the concentration camp,
1:10:54the ballerina, right?
1:10:55The choice,
1:10:57yes, there's that, I don't know if
1:10:58you've read or surely heard of "Man's
1:11:00Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl.
1:11:03this is the same thing. I mean, you say
1:11:05, "Hmm, in the end, it's what you tell
1:11:07yourself." It's what you tell yourself.
1:11:10"He who has a why can bear almost any
1:11:12how," right? That star phrase from the
1:11:14book. So, in the end, when you find
1:11:19your why, when you have a sense of
1:11:21purpose and when, as you say, the fact
1:11:24that someone has transcended all of
1:11:27that, you say: "Well, if this person
1:11:30could, they are showing the world that
1:11:33it’s possible, they are challenging
1:11:36it." There are no limits. I mean, when
1:11:40a human being transcends limits, they
1:11:42pulverize them, they destroy them.
1:11:46It’s like, I read—I don’t
1:11:48remember the exact historical context
1:11:50—but the first person who shattered
1:11:53the, the sprinter, I don’t recall the
1:11:55record, maybe.
1:11:58No, it was earlier. Earlier, yes, he
1:12:00shattered the, the sprint record, I
1:12:02think it was, and it was impossible,
1:12:05impossible, impossible. And then,
1:12:07immediately after, the rest started to
1:12:10surpass it. That is to say, the moment
1:12:13someone had broken, pulverized a limit
1:12:15—that a human cannot go faster than
1:12:17this speed. That was in the collective
1:12:20psyche. Human beings cannot go faster.
1:12:22Suddenly, one person breaks through,
1:12:24and right away, people start being able
1:12:26to break through it. So, you ask, "What
1:12:28happened here?" A paradigm has been
1:12:31broken.
1:12:32There was a paradigm that said human
1:12:33beings cannot go faster than
1:12:34such-and-such. And now it turns out
1:12:36that since one person could, they
1:12:37showed the rest that it is possible.
1:12:39The rest, their minds say, "Oh, so it
1:12:41is possible." And when the mind, when
1:12:43—there’s a phrase I really like,
1:12:45isn’t there? That when the heart
1:12:47ignites, the head follows behind. So,
1:12:50clearly, people say, "Wow, so no, it
1:12:52really is possible." So, when you see a
1:12:55human being who has gone through hell
1:12:57and survives it and comes out stronger,
1:12:59they are showing everyone else that,
1:13:02guys, it really is possible. That is
1:13:04fantastic.
1:13:05I mean, that is something that is
1:13:06talked about a lot now, which is the
1:13:07subject of self-sabotage, right? In
1:13:08that case, it would be the same. Since
1:13:10it’s technically impossible, we all
1:13:12possibly subconsciously self-sabotage
1:13:14so as not to achieve it. Exactly,
1:13:17subconsciously—I mean, we don't do it
1:13:19consciously, but your subconscious,
1:13:21which is super powerful, doesn't allow
1:13:24it. So, of course, challenging limits
1:13:27is giving a gift to all of humanity, to
1:13:29the whole world. I mean, when someone
1:13:32says, "Oh, I’ve always wanted to
1:13:34study, I don't know what." And I say, "
1:13:36Well, come on, man, now at almost 40
1:13:38years old, why would I start studying."
1:13:41I’ve done it, why can’t you do it
1:13:44now? But I don't have much time. I did
1:13:46it while having two children and
1:13:48running a business. You can't do it.
1:13:51The thing is that people want it in the
1:13:54short, very short term,
1:13:56right? Truly powerful things require,
1:14:00and this is something that’s been
1:14:02missing lately, delaying gratification,
1:14:04right? I mean, we are in a society of
1:14:08immediacy, where everything has to be
1:14:10now. You press a button and food
1:14:13arrives, you press a button and you get
1:14:16, uh, whatever you ask for, and, and,
1:14:19well, uh, clearly, I mean, you can't
1:14:22expect, uh, to, uh, get a degree in a
1:14:25day. I mean, it's obvious you're going
1:14:27to need 4 or 5 years minimum, right? So
1:14:29that's what's missing, I mean, delayed
1:14:33gratification is what people need to
1:14:36understand. And it's, ah, well, I
1:14:38wanted to ask you, how can people work
1:14:40on that? Because it's something that I
1:14:42think is fostered a lot by social media
1:14:44use and such, the issue of losing, uh,
1:14:46reprogramming, man. Reprogramming,
1:14:49but on a personal level, a person,
1:14:52of course, a person at home who, well,
1:14:54I don't know if you might have videos
1:14:56or something trying to explain a bit,
1:14:58but what would be the first step a
1:14:59person would have to take if they
1:15:01wanted to start reprogramming
1:15:03themselves? Well, with me, for
1:15:06reprogramming, the first thing I do is
1:15:08analyze the person. I mean, analyze in
1:15:11the sense of gathering information
1:15:13about the person, to see what the core
1:15:15belief is that is limiting them, and
1:15:17then, from there, I teach you so that
1:15:19you can then reprogram all aspects of
1:15:21your life. For example, someone comes
1:15:24to me and says, "No, I, hm, it's just
1:15:26that, to give an example, in a
1:15:28relationship, when I bond with someone,
1:15:30I have a terrible time, I mean, I
1:15:32become controlling, I become possessive
1:15:34, I become I don't know what." You say,
1:15:37"Well, here we have an anxious
1:15:38attachment style by the book, right?"
1:15:40So we're going to work on that. So,
1:15:42we're going to go to childhood, we're
1:15:45going to see there, uh, reprogramming,
1:15:47which would be more about, uh,
1:15:49neutralizing that pain that's there,
1:15:51because in the end, when there's an
1:15:53adult shouting or two adults shouting
1:15:56at each other, they are two children.
1:15:58Uh, it's the inner child that's
1:16:00shouting there, not the adult. So, in
1:16:03the end, there are many times when, for
1:16:05example, in romantic relationships—
1:16:07which I always say is the great guru of
1:16:10childhood wounds. So, we start cleaning
1:16:14things up a bit; there is work
1:16:16involving regression, re-education,
1:16:18getting yourself safe, safe from that
1:16:21inner child, and then we sort of
1:16:23reprogram, but once we've done a kind
1:16:25of clearing—that’s done in two
1:16:27sessions, okay? I mean, I provide you
1:16:30with some work that you will do, and
1:16:32when you're ready, you contact me, we
1:16:34see each other again, how about that?
1:16:36Well, suddenly you notice you become
1:16:38reactive because that part is
1:16:41neutralized. Then, afterwards, we move
1:16:44on to another piece of work, which is a
1:16:47sort of self-hypnosis where we bring
1:16:50everything out, and that is super
1:16:52cathartic, brutal, because you bring
1:16:55out situations; situations come to mind
1:16:57that you didn't even remember: guilt,
1:17:00pain, resentment—and you get it all
1:17:03out, and once the person is much
1:17:05cleaner inside, quote-unquote, of
1:17:07held-back emotions and past stories,
1:17:10then you say, "Okay, and now, who do
1:17:13you want to be?" How? Yes. What do you
1:17:16want to be? Who do you want to be? Oh,
1:17:19well, I would like to be a person like
1:17:21this, right? Whatever it is, a quality.
1:17:23Then we go into reprogramming. So there
1:17:27are some audios where you introduce
1:17:28that belief and it displaces the other
1:17:30one, it gradually displaces the other
1:17:32one. So, for the reprogrammings, first
1:17:34we’re going to do a sort of energetic
1:17:37cleansing, if we want to call it that,
1:17:39of everything we’re carrying, and
1:17:41then afterwards we’ll see what we
1:17:43want to be and we’ll reprogram
1:17:45accordingly. Usually, these are audios
1:17:48that I send to people, personalized
1:17:50based on the...the type of...there are
1:17:52general ones, because as I tell you, in
1:17:54this group I have with so many people,
1:17:56what I do, totally altruistically, is
1:17:58post audios to help more people and...
1:18:00and reprogram very general things,
1:18:02right?
1:18:04But yes, yes, that option does exist. I
1:18:08don’t know if I’ve answered your
1:18:09question.
1:18:09Yes, yes, yes. I mean, in the end,
1:18:11it’s not as easy as you just saying,
1:18:13"Come on, that’s it."
1:18:14There are guidelines. Yes, there is a
1:18:16there is a path. There is a path. It
1:18:18doesn’t take that long. Usually, in
1:18:20four or five sessions, people—well,
1:18:23some want to continue and we keep
1:18:25meeting, but in four or five sessions
1:18:27they learn to reprogram. They learn.
1:18:31Do you believe in self-help?
1:18:33Yes, yes. I believe that we can—yes,
1:18:36yes, absolutely. For many years, I have
1:18:40helped myself, supported myself, and
1:18:42built myself up, and many of the things
1:18:44I use as tools today are things I
1:18:46haven't read anywhere, that I've
1:18:48discovered myself, which have worked
1:18:50for me. So, of course, when I talk to
1:18:54someone and I think it might help them
1:18:56—yes, yes, I believe in self-help,
1:18:59and also in empowering people so they
1:19:01don't become dependent on a
1:19:02psychologist. I don't like it when
1:19:05people want to talk to me once a week
1:19:06just to dump their trash, you know? I
1:19:09mean, that doesn't help you. Because,
1:19:11in the end, that just makes it chronic.
1:19:14We've gone from going to confession to
1:19:16tell the priest our stories to telling
1:19:17them to a psychologist. But how does
1:19:19that help you?
1:19:20Do you think there are people who are
1:19:22dependent? Dependent even—that is,
1:19:25whether it's on books, or a
1:19:26psychologist, or a coach, or whatever,
1:19:28or spiritual retreats; they always need
1:19:30some external input
1:19:33to have an excuse to take action.
1:19:35Yes, yes, yes, yes. There is an
1:19:36addiction to psychologists. I can't
1:19:38stand that. I'm sorry for my colleagues
1:19:40, but I don't want people to be
1:19:41addicted to me; I want people to learn
1:19:43to fend for themselves. That's why I
1:19:45strongly believe in self-help. It's
1:19:47just that at first, people don't know
1:19:49which way to go. So that's where I come
1:19:51in; I am your eyes, I know the path, I
1:19:53take you by the hand and show you the
1:19:55way, but then you go on alone.
1:19:57It’s like being addicted to a
1:19:59personal trainer. I mean, when I
1:20:00started bodybuilding, started lifting
1:20:02weights a few years ago—all the
1:20:04things I’ve changed—I mean, 15
1:20:05years ago I was teaching people how to
1:20:07drive trucks, I smoked, and I didn't
1:20:09exercise. So, I don't look like the
1:20:11person from back then, no. Of course
1:20:14I’ve reprogrammed myself. That's why
1:20:15some people say, "No, that's just the
1:20:16way I am." No, you are not—you're not
1:20:17like that. You are right now at this
1:20:19point, but it doesn't mean you have to
1:20:20stay there; reprogram yourself. Anyway,
1:20:23what I want is to teach people how to
1:20:25train themselves so that later in life
1:20:28they can become whoever they damn well
1:20:31please. Obviously, within some, eh, I
1:20:34always say that visualizing is not the
1:20:35same as fantasizing. I mean, right now
1:20:37I could say, "Oh, I'd love to play in
1:20:39the NBA." Well, let's see, my dear
1:20:41friend, right? I mean, but
1:20:44no, no, because one thing, that is
1:20:45fantasizing, not visualizing. Which is
1:20:47different. I mean, fantasizing means
1:20:50you start dreaming about things like "
1:20:51I'm going to sing on Broadway" and you
1:20:53say,
1:20:55but within what, what is your, what you
1:20:58have, your talents—because I always
1:21:00say it, everyone has a talent because
1:21:02academic intelligence has been
1:21:04overrated for a long time, but there
1:21:06are many types of intelligence. There
1:21:09are people with an incredible musical
1:21:11ear. Look, I had a student who—people
1:21:13teach me all the time, I focus on what
1:21:15I learn, and this guy taught me
1:21:17something that made me say, "God." It
1:21:21turns out that, uh, we were taking
1:21:23exams, I would read the questions out
1:21:25loud to them, a group of 30, I remember
1:21:27, and then, "Okay, what do you think
1:21:29about this one?" And the guy, when I
1:21:32gave him the written exams, he would
1:21:34mess it all up, he wouldn't get a
1:21:35single one right. Eh, when I read it to
1:21:37him out loud, without hesitation, and
1:21:39really difficult ones too, because I
1:21:41reached a point where I'd look for very
1:21:43hard ones; the guy, without hesitation,
1:21:45he'd...and I'd say, "My God, one day
1:21:47I'm going to catch him." I tell him, "
1:21:49The third day this happened, I say,
1:21:51look, hey, in private, I say, I think
1:21:52you have some kind of reading or
1:21:54writing problem." I say, "It's not
1:21:55normal." I say, "Because I tell you and
1:21:58you don't miss any when I read it to
1:21:59you, but when you read it, you miss
1:22:01them all," and he tells me, "Oh, no way
1:22:03." He says, "What happens is that when
1:22:05you read the correct answer, you raise
1:22:07an eyebrow a little bit." I say, "What?
1:22:09" And I was completely stunned. I say,
1:22:11he says, "Yes." I say, "But why didn't
1:22:13you tell me?" He says, I say, "Damn, so
1:22:16I say, maybe it’s a very obvious
1:22:18gesture." So, in front of the others, I
1:22:21say, "Look, guys, when I read the
1:22:23answers, I make some gesture or not." I
1:22:26say, "Alright, let's try it." Everyone
1:22:27watching me, right? And the guy, "C." I
1:22:30say, "I can't believe it." I mean, the
1:22:33guy had a brutal intelligence for
1:22:35reading facial micro-expressions. And
1:22:39you say, "This guy has so much talent,
1:22:41working at a diner." And you say, "This
1:22:43guy should be in the FBI or playing
1:22:45poker in Las Vegas." I mean, my friend
1:22:47has a brutal talent. Everyone has a
1:22:50brutal talent. The educational system
1:22:53should be oriented toward discovering
1:22:55children's talents, not stuffing rivers
1:22:57and topography into them, because some
1:22:59kids can't stand that. And, in the end,
1:23:02if everyone discovered their innate
1:23:05talent or innate talents as soon as
1:23:07possible—it's never too late, but as
1:23:09soon as possible—we would have a much
1:23:12better world, because people would be
1:23:14much happier, because you'd be doing
1:23:16what you like, what you're naturally
1:23:18good at. But you can't see it, because
1:23:21for you it's natural; I mean, what you
1:23:24do in an innate and natural way, you
1:23:26don't value it because for you it's
1:23:28normal.
1:23:29So, the obligation of people is the
1:23:32educational system, parents, friends,
1:23:34whoever is around people, to tell us, "
1:23:37Hey man, you're awesome at this." And
1:23:40the other will say, "Me? No way." And
1:23:43you, "Yes, for real." So, this is
1:23:45beautiful to say, it's beautiful to see
1:23:48because it directs your gaze toward the
1:23:50other person, toward the positive
1:23:53aspects of the other person, and it's a
1:23:56gift for them.
1:23:58And it's a gift when you tell someone,
1:24:00"Man, you're so good at this" sincerely
1:24:02, you know? I mean, not just buttering
1:24:04them up, because the other person picks
1:24:06up on it, too.
1:24:07The other person will notice when
1:24:08you're telling them for real or not.
1:24:10But that is the great, the great
1:24:12challenge of education, and that is the
1:24:14beauty of it: everyone has intelligence
1:24:16, everyone. I don’t think I’ve ever
1:24:18met a human being who doesn't have some
1:24:20kind of intelligence, whatever it may
1:24:22be: people who are great at sports,
1:24:24music, or who have a sensitivity toward
1:24:25animals. I mean, in the end, there are
1:24:29so many nuances in human beings, so
1:24:31many beautiful things, that we have the
1:24:33bad habit as a society of focusing on
1:24:35the negative, and there’s a tendency
1:24:38that is also evolutionarily logical
1:24:40because it helps us defend ourselves
1:24:42from threats. It’s logical for the
1:24:46brain to tend to look for negative
1:24:47things because it tends to protect you.
1:24:50So, if there is something wrong, it
1:24:51wants to see it. And that’s why we
1:24:52have that perspective, right? We also
1:24:55have to be aware of that and realize
1:24:57that there are no longer animals
1:24:58chasing us through the jungle, and that
1:25:00, well, maybe we need to look at things
1:25:03differently, right? And it’s very
1:25:05nice to see the beauty in others. Yes.
1:25:09There was a quote that really resonated
1:25:11with me at the time that I’ve been
1:25:13thinking about; I think it’s by
1:25:14Rousseau. I’ll give you the triple.
1:25:18Okay.
1:25:18No, I’m terrible at remembering who
1:25:20said what, like—
1:25:24It was a quote that went something like
1:25:26: a smart person learns from other
1:25:28people's problems. Do you think people
1:25:31learn from others 'problems, or do they
1:25:33have to experience it 100%firsthand?
1:25:35Not always. You learn to observe others
1:25:37and say, "Whoa, no way am I going that
1:25:39way." No, isn't it true that human
1:25:42beings are quite stubborn, and many
1:25:43times there are things we only learn by
1:25:46falling down, right? But you can also
1:25:49learn through observation. I mean, if
1:25:51you fall, I’m not going that way
1:25:53because I’m likely to fall too. So, I
1:25:58think we are born with a strong need to
1:26:00take a hit to learn, but then there
1:26:03comes a point in life where you learn
1:26:05without needing to fall, just by
1:26:08observation.
1:26:10Right? Besides, it’s much faster,
1:26:11right? If you manage to learn through
1:26:13observation,
1:26:14you save yourself a lot of grief.
1:26:15Yes, and also through the intuition you
1:26:16mentioned earlier.
1:26:17Yes, yes. Intuition, what you said
1:26:19about foreseeing a hostile moment at a
1:26:21given time. I mean, that is just
1:26:23incredible. It’s your subconscious.
1:26:24I said Rousseau, it’s definitely
1:26:25Voltaire. 100%. Okay, just to leave it
1:26:27at that. We would have believed
1:26:30anything.
1:26:31If anyone is already commenting "that's
1:26:33not Rousseau," delete it because...
1:26:36Yeah, wow, it's true that it stays
1:26:37there and then people go crazy, if you
1:26:38accidentally hit send, you've messed up
1:26:40. No, it's a marketing strategy.
1:26:42If you hit send, you've messed up. It's
1:26:44a marketing strategy in the end.
1:26:46Totally. Look, in a in a in a reel I
1:26:49put out that said inhale exhale, in an
1:26:51experiment I did, inhale exhale. Well,
1:26:55the program used an X instead of an S.
1:26:56Of course, "expirar" with an X means to
1:26:58die.
1:27:00So people, everyone, the neighborhood
1:27:02academics, this is spelled wrong, this
1:27:04and that. Of course, you guys know, the
1:27:06more people comment, the better, that
1:27:07one has 2,400,000 views.
1:27:10And people get hung up on the spelling
1:27:12mistake. And sure, the reel is amazing,
1:27:14right? But it's like, let's correct it,
1:27:16let's push people's buttons a little.
1:27:19Yeah.
1:27:20Totally. Yes.
1:27:22I was thinking that. Surely there’s
1:27:24someone already typing. Already looking
1:27:26for it. Already looking for it.
1:27:28I mean, I wanted to I wanted to talk a
1:27:29little bit, too, about how I know these
1:27:30topics really resonate with people, as
1:27:31you said, right? That that
1:27:33let's release the reels, come on. Where
1:27:36you always see the guru of childhood
1:27:38problems is in romantic relationships,
1:27:39right? And in the end, it's a topic
1:27:41that everyone in their life, or well,
1:27:43or so it seems, right?,wants to have a
1:27:45partner, right? Because now there are
1:27:46also people who say no, that solitude
1:27:48is the best thing in the world, so,
1:27:49well, it's ultimately changing a lot.
1:27:52And I wanted to ask your vision, from a
1:27:54psychological and personal level, if
1:27:57you truly believe it's necessary for
1:27:59people or for human beings themselves
1:28:01to have a partner. If not, we can also
1:28:05talk about monogamy, since polyamory is
1:28:08trending a lot now, or just touch on
1:28:10the topic of love, right?,which we all
1:28:13like, which is the only thing science
1:28:16can't explain. Exactly. Well, the topic
1:28:20of romantic relationships is indeed a
1:28:23pain point, regarding how we are and if
1:28:26we can be alone or if we have a greater
1:28:29tendency to be in one, right? I mean,
1:28:32we are social beings; we are born with
1:28:35a high tendency to bond. In fact, there
1:28:38are a ton of studies. Look, there was
1:28:41one done that is, well, it's it's wild.
1:28:43That was in France in the 1700s, I
1:28:46remember now. And it was a, a
1:28:48No, but what year?
1:28:49A nobleman,
1:28:50right? But tell me the year.
1:28:52And it was a nobleman who must have
1:28:55been a textbook psychopath, right?
1:28:58Because what he did was put some babies
1:29:00in cribs and threatened the caregivers
1:29:02with death. If they touched the babies,
1:29:06they could only feed them. He wanted to
1:29:09prove what happened to human beings
1:29:11when they had no physical contact. They
1:29:13all died. They all died. They were fed,
1:29:17but the caregivers, I insist, were
1:29:19under penalty of death. I mean, if they
1:29:21dared to pick up the babies, they would
1:29:23be killed, so they couldn't pick them
1:29:24up and they all died. In other words,
1:29:26human contact is essential from the
1:29:28moment we enter the world. We are
1:29:30beings meant to be in contact with
1:29:32other beings, uh, to have contact
1:29:35through hugs, skin, uh to have those
1:29:37those sensations, right? And we are
1:29:39biologically equipped that way. Then,
1:29:42what happens? That one thing is that
1:29:45predisposition, which is undeniable,
1:29:47and another thing is becoming anxiously
1:29:50attached or needing it dependently in
1:29:53romantic relationships.
1:29:56So, what is my opinion? That the goal
1:29:59is for you to be fine on your own. And
1:30:03when you are fine on your own, you will
1:30:05make the other person very happy,
1:30:07because the other person will be when
1:30:09you get into a relationship, they will
1:30:11be with you enjoying your world, your
1:30:13life. And I always say it, if I am in a
1:30:16relationship it is because I am better
1:30:18off, otherwise I stay as I am. I don't
1:30:21bond out of necessity, but out of
1:30:23sharing, sharing my life, my world, how
1:30:26I think, who I am, what I want to do.
1:30:29So, for me it is perfect when you
1:30:31coincide with a person who complements
1:30:34you, whom you complement, who
1:30:36complements in the sense of enjoying,
1:30:38uh, uh, not of needing. So, that is the
1:30:41ideal for me. As for the topic of being
1:30:45single being fashionable, what I see is
1:30:47that there are many people who are
1:30:48single and unhappy, very many. There
1:30:51are also many who are in a relationship
1:30:52and unhappy. So, the point is that in
1:30:55the end, uh, monogamy is something very
1:30:57social too, because it is inevitable
1:31:00that when you, no matter how much you
1:31:02love a partner, or when you are in a
1:31:04relationship, you might like other
1:31:07people, I mean, that is going to happen
1:31:09. And you may find yourself attracted
1:31:12to other people. And then it depends on
1:31:14the agreements you make with your
1:31:16partner, because if the agreement is
1:31:17monogamy, well, hey, that's how it is.
1:31:20If you are violating that agreement,
1:31:22you are betraying the other's trust and
1:31:24therefore you are being disloyal. Now,
1:31:27if there's an agreement of, hey, look,
1:31:29we're a couple, but you can be with
1:31:31other people, that's also fine. I think
1:31:35that, in the end, above all, what for
1:31:37me or from my point of view—and this
1:31:40is a 100%subjective opinion—is
1:31:43important, is loyalty and honesty
1:31:45toward your life partner. Because, if
1:31:48you can't trust the guy sleeping next
1:31:50to you or the woman sleeping next to
1:31:51you, why would you want to be with that
1:31:53person? That's another thing, the
1:31:55agreements that are reached in
1:31:56relationships. So, I see it as
1:31:58successive monogamy, that is, when you
1:32:01are with a person, but that person
1:32:02evolves at a different pace; imagine
1:32:05you've been with someone since you were
1:32:0720 and when you reach 30 you say: "I
1:32:09have nothing in common anymore because
1:32:11we've evolved differently." So then you
1:32:14say goodbye with affection and you
1:32:15leave. And it's hard and complicated
1:32:17because, above all, one person takes
1:32:19the initiative over the other and one
1:32:21suffers, but that's the toll in the end
1:32:23, right? And then that, right?
1:32:26Polyamory, polyamory. Well, if I go
1:32:31back to the same thing, if there's an
1:32:32agreement, that is, if I'm with you,
1:32:34but it won't hurt you if I'm with him
1:32:36too and we're all happy, even if it's
1:32:38the three of us, what does it matter? I
1:32:42mean, in the end, the issue is, and I
1:32:44say this from my point of view again,
1:32:46that there is honesty among people, and
1:32:49from there, the combination, it's like
1:32:51if you want to go off with a unicorn, I
1:32:53mean, what does it matter? I mean, I
1:32:56respect everyone.
1:32:57But don't you think that, for example,
1:32:59and this is also a totally subjective
1:33:00opinion,
1:33:02don't you think polyamory is a
1:33:03reflection of people's poor ability to
1:33:05maintain something in the long term?
1:33:08Yes, yes, also. Yes, yes, it's true.
1:33:10Yes, yes, yes. True, true. That is a
1:33:11super intelligent reflection. Yes. I
1:33:14mean, the whole thing about the
1:33:16butterflies, the addiction to those
1:33:18butterflies at a neurochemical level,
1:33:21during the first few months when you
1:33:23meet someone, don't make any big
1:33:25decisions then because you’ll mess it
1:33:28up. I mean, there’s this massive hit
1:33:30of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, all
1:33:35those neurotransmitters—uh, you’re
1:33:38completely high. So, what happens? Well
1:33:41, the body is designed, we are
1:33:43biologically designed for that, for
1:33:45procreation. So, that cascade happens,
1:33:47right?
1:33:49But, what happens? That after a few
1:33:51months, the intensity drops until
1:33:53suddenly you see the other person,
1:33:55because at first, you aren't really
1:33:56seeing them. What you’re seeing is an
1:34:00idea that you’ve built, which is
1:34:02absolutely distorted. Maybe you’re
1:34:05linking up with the biggest idiot in
1:34:06the world, a total character, but you
1:34:08don't see it. You see them completely
1:34:10idealized because your brain has you
1:34:12totally drugged. So, what happens? When
1:34:15you move to the second phase of love,
1:34:17or relationships, I should say, which
1:34:19is when you’re actually seeing the
1:34:21other person, there are two clear paths
1:34:23there. One, you say, "Okay, now that I
1:34:25can't stand this guy, now that I
1:34:27actually see him, I don't know what I
1:34:28ever saw in him." And so you leave, or
1:34:31you say, "Well, look, the guy has this,
1:34:34this, and this, but I like him." I mean
1:34:38, they aren't deal-breakers for me, his
1:34:41quirks aren't red lines. We all have
1:34:43our baggage, right? So, his little
1:34:45issues don't bother me that much; I can
1:34:47handle them well. So, you say, I’m
1:34:49going to commit to this relationship.
1:34:51That implies sacrifice, which is where
1:34:53we’re going, since people struggle
1:34:54more with sacrifice, but because there
1:34:56are so many options, if I choose you,
1:34:58I’m giving up on him. So, now we’re
1:35:00at the point of sacrifice. What happens
1:35:02? That’s when you make a commitment
1:35:04and move to the third phase, which is
1:35:06the consolidation of the relationship,
1:35:07and that’s where we would start
1:35:09talking about love. The beginning is
1:35:11just infatuation, not love. So, love is
1:35:15something much deeper, and it’s true
1:35:17that this society of immediacy is very
1:35:19addicted to the butterfly phase. What
1:35:23happens? That when that whole
1:35:24neurochemical hit fades and you see the
1:35:26other person, you say, "Wow, how
1:35:27unlucky, I always end up with the same
1:35:29type." And then you move on to another
1:35:31and so on and in the end, what happens?
1:35:33That you keep jumping from relationship
1:35:35to relationship and never go deep with
1:35:37anyone and never truly bond with anyone
1:35:39in a profound way. So, that is what's
1:35:42happening, you're absolutely right, I
1:35:43mean, you are completely right about
1:35:45that. Yes.
1:35:48I have a question for you and I'm sure
1:35:50people are going to be furious in the
1:35:51comments. Why is jealousy so idealized
1:35:56in a relationship and love demonstrated
1:35:58based on how jealous a person is?
1:36:03I think from the start that those
1:36:05arguments, I mean, if a partner feels
1:36:08flattered or sees jealousy as something
1:36:12positive, there is some dysfunctional
1:36:15belief underneath.
1:36:18I mean, jealousy demonstrates
1:36:21insecurity. At its core, fundamentally.
1:36:25I generally say that in romantic
1:36:26relationships we often ask the other
1:36:29person for what we weren't given or
1:36:31perceived we weren't given in childhood
1:36:33, right? So jealousy touches upon the
1:36:36abandonment wound. Meaning, if you
1:36:38notice other people, maybe you'll
1:36:39abandon me and that's where the fear
1:36:41arises. In the end, what you have to do
1:36:44is trust the other person, and I think
1:36:47jealousy is a sign of insecurity in the
1:36:50couple. It's not something that
1:36:51guarantees the other person loves you,
1:36:53because jealousy doesn't speak about
1:36:54you, it speaks about them, about their
1:36:56insecurities. And many people might
1:36:58appreciate it or think, hey, look how
1:37:00much they love me, that they're jealous
1:37:02, right? I mean, it's not—it's not a
1:37:05sign of love. Jealousy is not a sign of
1:37:06love, it's a sign of the other person's
1:37:08insecurity.
1:37:09So, I mean, we've had Claudia here too
1:37:11and we've talked about that state,
1:37:13about that topic. Do you think jealousy
1:37:16should be suppressed or is it necessary
1:37:19to some extent? I don't see it as
1:37:21necessary at all. Nor suppressed; you
1:37:24have to deal with the core or
1:37:26underlying belief that makes you
1:37:27jealous. Meaning, if you are a jealous
1:37:30person it's because you think you
1:37:32aren't enough for the other person or
1:37:35you don't have adequate self-esteem or
1:37:37you think the other person is going to
1:37:39betray you, I mean, there is a basic
1:37:41mistrust. So, what I believe and what's
1:37:44beautiful is for the other person to do
1:37:45whatever they want, but choose you.
1:37:48That's what's beautiful. The other
1:37:50person is free to do whatever they
1:37:51please. But they choose you. And that
1:37:54is what’s truly beautiful, because if
1:37:56they don't do what they want for fear
1:37:58that you'll get angry, then you're
1:38:00stifling them and the naturalness is
1:38:02lost. The thing is, there is clearly
1:38:04very strong socialization, so there is
1:38:07a powerful tendency to feel that
1:38:10possessiveness, and then there is a
1:38:12misinterpretation of that
1:38:14possessiveness as if it were love. For
1:38:17my taste, from my point of view, that
1:38:19has nothing to do with it; for me, the
1:38:21alarm bells would go off. Eh, it’s a
1:38:25very curious thing, but I don't recall
1:38:27having ever had a jealous partner. So,
1:38:31when there is also that component we
1:38:33spoke about before, the intuitive one,
1:38:35right? There are people who give you
1:38:37peace and people where you think, "I
1:38:38just don't feel calm with this person."
1:38:40And that’s because your body might be
1:38:42warning you, it’s giving you signals.
1:38:44Of course. Do you think that a person
1:38:47who has navigated solitude and
1:38:48recognizes themselves in it, and no
1:38:50longer has a need when it comes to
1:38:51being with people,
1:38:52Yes. has something to do with the issue
1:38:54of jealousy?
1:38:56Because of the fear of abandonment,
1:38:57they say, "No,
1:38:58no, of course, due to the fact that I
1:38:59accept what I have by my side, because
1:39:01I am fine alone." A person who has
1:39:03navigated solitude, who knows
1:39:04themselves and thinks, "I am
1:39:06comfortable in my solitude," has that
1:39:07wildcard.
1:39:08Yes, yes.
1:39:09When a relationship begins, they don't
1:39:11have that point of neediness; they
1:39:12simply let the other person be.
1:39:14Exactly. Yes. Don't you think that also
1:39:16has a bit to do with the fact that
1:39:18people don't dare to be alone and
1:39:20therefore
1:39:21are more jealous out of fear of
1:39:22abandonment and not because they love
1:39:24you? Sure, a person who navigates
1:39:26solitude has a much easier time not
1:39:28suffering from that jealousy, right?
1:39:31Well, the person who has navigated
1:39:33solitude—and I include myself—
1:39:36and who is fine alone, and I include
1:39:37myself. I mean, from that point on,
1:39:41what happens is that if someone comes
1:39:43from the outside, a relationship, and
1:39:46tries to curb that solitude through
1:39:48jealousy, well, since you don't need it
1:39:51because you aren't starting from a need
1:39:54to be linked to anyone, you won't
1:39:56tolerate certain behaviors or pressures
1:39:59. And so, there, I think in the end, uh
1:40:03, I don't know if I'm answering your
1:40:05question, I don't know if I understood
1:40:08it well, but the fact that you are
1:40:10emotionally self-sufficient,
1:40:12emotionally independent, will mean that
1:40:14when you connect with someone, hm,
1:40:17first of all, jealousy won't even come
1:40:19up. Mind you, unless, as I said before,
1:40:24you detect signs there, somehow uh,
1:40:27obvious or not so obvious, that
1:40:29something isn't working right. Then,
1:40:32it’s not jealousy, it’s simply that
1:40:34you are seeing something, what is this
1:40:35guy telling you? Don't go out.
1:40:37You’ve touched on something very
1:40:38interesting, which is that I think
1:40:39people don't really know how to
1:40:41identify what they’re truly feeling.
1:40:42Yes. So, it could be a bit of
1:40:45disappointment or that it doesn't align
1:40:47with their boundaries,
1:40:50right? And jealousy for no reason
1:40:51versus justified jealousy. I mean,
1:40:53but do you think justified jealousy
1:40:55exists? Of course it does.
1:40:57Well, yes. I mean, it could be that
1:40:59insecurities exist, where you say, "
1:41:01Well, this person, uh, imagine this,
1:41:04okay? I’ll give an example, uh, you
1:41:05have a partner, you start getting to
1:41:07know someone and suddenly, uh, you do
1:41:09something weird with your phone. Then
1:41:11you say," Hm, what's up with this guy?
1:41:14This is clearly hiding something from
1:41:16me. "So, it’s not that you're a
1:41:18jealous person, it’s that you're
1:41:20seeing objective behavior and you're
1:41:22saying," Look, champion, don't come at
1:41:25me with weird stuff because... "
1:41:26But you haven't felt jealous there.
1:41:29No, that’s not jealousy. I mean,
1:41:31that’s more like, I see you, don't
1:41:32mess with me. I mean, I'm watching you,
1:41:35but that doesn't fit with what, exactly
1:41:37.
1:41:38So, jealousy, uh, understood as
1:41:40distrust, without any kind of motive,
1:41:42then what it’s revealing about your
1:41:44personality is that you have a distrust
1:41:47there that comes from a lack of
1:41:49self-love, which is usually where it
1:41:51comes from. Meaning, you don't feel
1:41:55worthy enough to generate a bond in
1:41:58that person toward you. So, or
1:42:01abandonment wounds from childhood, like
1:42:04why do they have to look at other
1:42:06people if I'm here? In the end, what's
1:42:08inside is a little boy or girl saying,"
1:42:11Hey, look at me. "I mean, it’s look
1:42:13at me, why are you looking over there?
1:42:14Look at me, I'm right here. So, it's a
1:42:16plea for attention that doesn't come
1:42:17from the adult, it comes, I insist,
1:42:19once again from the child. That's why,
1:42:21jealousy, no...I see it as personal
1:42:23work that needs to be done. But of
1:42:26course, if you're always looking
1:42:28outward and saying," No, it's that this
1:42:29person always puts me in this situation
1:42:31, "you have to look at the objective
1:42:32behavior and see what's happening.
1:42:35I’ll also tell you, uh, about
1:42:37feelings, right? What we were talking
1:42:40about earlier. Some people tell me," I
1:42:44think my partner is cheating on me. "
1:42:46And then I say," Let's see, uh, do you
1:42:49have objective proof of that? No. "But
1:42:52I notice something there, and you say,"
1:42:55Wow, they've got it rough, I notice
1:42:57something there. "So, of course,
1:43:00because it's what we were discussing, I
1:43:02mean, I don't have proof, but I notice,
1:43:03and I've been with that person for 20
1:43:05years, or 15 or 10, and now I notice
1:43:06something. So, uh,
1:43:08I mean, would you say that female
1:43:10intuition is 100%
1:43:11and male intuition. The thing is, it's
1:43:13more, it's
1:43:13more developed on the female side.
1:43:15Intuition is both male and female. It
1:43:18doesn't matter when you notice
1:43:19something strange about a person,
1:43:23Uh, wow, watch out, especially with
1:43:24someone you know, because when we talk
1:43:26about a partner, imagine you've been
1:43:28together 5 years and suddenly you
1:43:29notice they're acting strange, they're
1:43:31different, but you don't know exactly
1:43:33why, but it's your, it's your
1:43:34subconscious, like we said before,
1:43:36telling you:" Hey. "
1:43:39that you aren't seeing this, but I am
1:43:41sending you sensations to tell you. I
1:43:44am sending you physical sensations so
1:43:45you realize that something is brewing
1:43:47there. Protect yourself. Yes. I wanted
1:43:52to ask now, just to wrap things up,
1:43:53about a topic that is currently the
1:43:55order of the day, which is going super
1:43:57viral, and well, I don't know if you've
1:43:59heard, but it just came out, right?
1:44:02That, uh, a YouTuber couple, one was,
1:44:04the girl was unfaithful to the guy,
1:44:07right? and her psychologist came out,
1:44:11taking advantage of the buzz to speak
1:44:13up as well, saying that the blame for
1:44:15her being unfaithful isn't hers, but
1:44:17his, because he wasn't doing what he
1:44:19had to do as a man, and so, therefore,
1:44:21she was unfaithful to him. So, of
1:44:24course, a whole circus has started here
1:44:26with, hey, you should change therapists
1:44:28, or, how could your therapist say that
1:44:30? Because then she's justifying you and
1:44:32you reaffirm that you're doing things
1:44:34right. Others saying, well she’s
1:44:35right, if the other person doesn't
1:44:36deliver, what then? From your
1:44:38professional or personal point of view,
1:44:40or however you want to comment, how do
1:44:41you see the issue of justifying
1:44:42infidelity? Because technically, since
1:44:45he didn't give you what you wanted him
1:44:47to give you, you had to go look for it
1:44:49elsewhere.
1:44:49Yes, it’s very, very striking because
1:44:52people always take a stance on the
1:44:55topic of infidelity, and they take a
1:44:57very radical one. And I came out saying
1:45:00that you can be unfaithful, uh, that
1:45:02it's not the same to be unfaithful,
1:45:04sorry. If you go out one night, have a
1:45:07few drinks, and hook up with someone,
1:45:08versus if you’re premeditating a date
1:45:10with someone for 15 days, it’s not
1:45:11the same. Then they went for my throat.
1:45:15What happens? That there will always be
1:45:16as many opinions as there are people.
1:45:18So, in this case, it is true that there
1:45:20may have been a behavior of lack of
1:45:23attention on his part, or she may have
1:45:25perceived it from her partner, but in
1:45:27my view, it doesn't justify you being
1:45:29unfaithful. I mean, let's see, if
1:45:31you're perceiving that person, because
1:45:33love will die in two ways, either
1:45:34through a strong disappointment or
1:45:36through abandonment, little by little.
1:45:38Or suddenly, with a disappointment, or
1:45:39with abandonment, little by little. So
1:45:41that girl says," Well, he has been
1:45:44abandoning me systematically. I've felt
1:45:46it, he doesn't tell me I'm pretty, he
1:45:48doesn't compliment me. I don't feel it
1:45:50the same anymore, he takes me for
1:45:51granted. Okay, perfect. Well then, you
1:45:54sit down in front of your partner and
1:45:56you say, look, I can't do this anymore.
1:45:59And then you go and hook up. You end
1:46:00that relationship, you go, and you hook
1:46:02up with whoever you damn well please.
1:46:04So, of course, we cannot justify that
1:46:07behavior, that's my opinion, I mean, I
1:46:09don't justify infidelity from that
1:46:11standpoint. If you have urges to be
1:46:14with someone else, be honest. For me,
1:46:16the most important thing, I say it all
1:46:18the time, is honesty. So, you are
1:46:19honest with your partner, you're honest
1:46:22and you say, "Look, my dear, the thing
1:46:24is I don't feel good in this
1:46:26relationship because I feel neglected,
1:46:28and well, hm, I'm starting to feel
1:46:30attraction toward other people because
1:46:32I feel neglected.""So, from there,
1:46:34either leave the relationship or fix
1:46:36the relationship and then do whatever
1:46:38you want." So, no, I don't justify it
1:46:42and professionally speaking, I mean,
1:46:43for a professional to tell you, "No, no
1:46:45, the other person is to blame." And
1:46:47also, professionally speaking, to go
1:46:49out in the media and say, "Well, it's
1:46:51caused quite a stir." A psychologist,
1:46:54in quotes, can't say that their patient
1:46:57is their patient, right?
1:46:59Yes. No, let's see, uh,
1:47:01if they gave authorization.
1:47:03Yes, I suppose there must have been an
1:47:05authorization from the patient, I
1:47:06understand, because otherwise, by the
1:47:08code of ethics, you cannot spill
1:47:10everything your patients tell you. They
1:47:12could tell me they've strangled someone
1:47:13and I have to stay quiet as a mouse.
1:47:15Uh, so, what happens? That in that case
1:47:19, I understand there must have been
1:47:21permission so as not to violate that
1:47:24person's privacy, but certainly, as a
1:47:27psychologist, I wouldn't justify
1:47:29something like that. I mean, it's one
1:47:33thing in private, and much less saying
1:47:35it publicly; in private, you calm her
1:47:37down, you contain her for a moment, you
1:47:39provide support and say, "Well, uh,
1:47:41don't torture yourself or don't do this
1:47:44or that." These things happen, we are
1:47:46human beings, we make mistakes,
1:47:47but it's one thing to say, "Don't blame
1:47:49yourself," and another thing is
1:47:51the other person's fault.
1:47:51It's the other person's fault. We are
1:47:54shifting
1:47:55the usual thing.
1:47:55I find it outrageous.
1:47:56The same old thing. We look out the
1:47:58window instead of looking in the mirror
1:47:59.
1:47:59But if you are a professional, that is
1:48:01what strikes me. Of course.
1:48:02Yeah. Just like
1:48:04to give you more context, this has
1:48:05happened, it's not a relationship of
1:48:07years, it's six months, literally.
1:48:09Well then, it's a, they all just want
1:48:11attention, huh? I mean, she's getting
1:48:13publicity, the psychologist, everyone.
1:48:16Lord,
1:48:17she wants to catch everyone,
1:48:18everyone. Let's go there,
1:48:20it has been
1:48:21totally.
1:48:22regarding what you just said about the
1:48:25Menéndez brothers series, if a patient
1:48:27tells you they’ve committed a murder,
1:48:29due to professional ethics, you can’t
1:48:31say anything.
1:48:33If a person is in danger, yes.
1:48:35Yes.
1:48:35But if not, no. I mean, if I, for
1:48:37example, have already killed someone,
1:48:39buried them, 6 months have passed, and
1:48:41then I tell you. No, even then, no.
1:48:43No.
1:48:43Wow.
1:48:45It’s a different story if you tell me
1:48:47you have someone locked in your
1:48:49basement, then, obviously.
1:48:50But if not, no.
1:48:52Yeah, uh.
1:48:54It’s like with priests in the end,
1:48:55right? I mean, you said it before,
1:48:57confession. Seal of confession.
1:49:00Let’s move on to the questions. All
1:49:01right, let's do it. Oh, I didn’t know
1:49:02about this. Come on.
1:49:03We always have two questions at the end
1:49:05for every guest,
1:49:06okay?
1:49:07And I'm sure you’ll give us great
1:49:09insight in this area. We always ask,
1:49:11what three books would you recommend
1:49:14to the people listening to us? If they
1:49:17have more.
1:49:18Well, I have, I have a massive library
1:49:22at home.
1:49:23One that you’d say is essential for
1:49:25me.
1:49:25For me, it’s essential. I mentioned
1:49:27it before and I say it a lot because
1:49:29for me it’s a work of art. Man's
1:49:31Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
1:49:33This one is wonderful. Then, to step a
1:49:36bit outside the line of humanism and so
1:49:39on, there’s also one that, that
1:49:42impacted me by Dostoevsky, Crime and
1:49:45Punishment. I liked, I really like how
1:49:48Dostoevsky writes. I like it because it
1:49:51grabs you so much, to the point where
1:49:53you end up becoming emotionally
1:49:55attached to the serial killer, who is
1:49:57despicable, but you end up liking him.
1:50:00I mean, it’s just incredible. I mean,
1:50:02that book really grabbed me.
1:50:04Uh, Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky.
1:50:09Then another one I also really like is
1:50:11Espacio Interior by Jorge Antonio Jorge
1:50:14Larui. This one is less known and I
1:50:18also really liked it. And well, books,
1:50:21it’s just that I’m a lover of books
1:50:22and I’m writing one and and I love
1:50:27reading, of course. And in the next
1:50:29podcast, we’ll do it again because I
1:50:31always say that when we pass a million
1:50:34views, I’ll come back, and I’ll
1:50:35come back then because it’s not just
1:50:37a lucky streak, right? Seriously, I
1:50:40mean yes, the last five I think we’ve
1:50:41passed them all, I think. Not all of
1:50:43them.
1:50:43It's a personal challenge and there are
1:50:45two that have passed 2 million and in
1:50:47the others over a million, I mean, a
1:50:48million and change for all of them. So
1:50:50that's why I'm repeating the podcasts
1:50:52with people because I always say the
1:50:54same thing, when we cross a million
1:50:56views I'll come back, okay? And then
1:50:58we'll do that.
1:51:00And then I'll recommend my own, my book
1:51:02, to you there. Sure, yes, that's for
1:51:04next time and we can cover 50 billion
1:51:06topics that we've left on the table to
1:51:08talk about because
1:51:10From the ones we had noted down here
1:51:11and things that have occurred to me on
1:51:13the fly, the thing is if we don't, we'd
1:51:14be here for 5 hours. But, and just to
1:51:18wrap things up a bit, because this
1:51:20question at the end is very personal,
1:51:22it is: uh what is happiness to you and
1:51:25do you feel happy today?
1:51:28Yes, I am super happy today, really
1:51:30happy. I have managed to find a balance
1:51:34in my life. For me, happiness has a lot
1:51:37to do with peace, inner peace, being
1:51:39comfortable with yourself, in your own
1:51:41skin, and I am super happy, I am a very
1:51:43happy person, yes, very much so. I like
1:51:47the life I have, the life I've been
1:51:49able to build for myself. I like my
1:51:52world. Happiness for me is it might
1:51:59seem like a cliché, but the little
1:52:02things: walking my dog in the morning,
1:52:05swimming in the sea, uh reading,
1:52:07learning, and making people happy. So
1:52:11yes, I am a very happy woman, totally,
1:52:14very happy.
1:52:15So, you would define it as a state of
1:52:17peace.
1:52:19The closest thing to happiness I've
1:52:20ever felt in my life is peace. It's
1:52:23enjoying things, being,
1:52:27interpersonal connection, and
1:52:29connection with yourself as well. Uh,
1:52:33it has a lot to do with serenity.
1:52:36Happiness for me has so much to do with
1:52:38serenity. Yes.
1:52:40How nice.
1:52:41Well, know that it has been a pleasure
1:52:43for us to share this chat with you.
1:52:46I loved it.
1:52:46For me as well. Thank you so much.
1:52:48Well, and we'll wait for you starting
1:52:50from a million. We'll give you a call
1:52:52100%. Yes, for sure. I mean, this is
1:52:54what it is, but you're going to have to
1:52:55come back to
1:52:57Perfect. And you wrap up the podcast.
1:52:59Obviously, your social media links are
1:53:01in the description. Anything they need,
1:53:02they can write to you on Instagram,
1:53:04right? Or
1:53:05join your WhatsApp community or
1:53:07something. And
1:53:08Well, I invite, I invite everyone
1:53:11watching us to, well, join my community
1:53:14if you feel like it, and that’s on
1:53:17Instagram at bego/ajapsicología. There
1:53:20, there is also a link to a WhatsApp
1:53:23group where I share tools to be able to
1:53:25reach more people and help more folks.
1:53:28So, anyway, being with these guys who
1:53:31are wonderful, it’s great, and I hope
1:53:34I’ve been able to connect with you
1:53:36and help many people.
1:53:39Well guys, thank you very much and see
1:53:40you later. M.

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