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RAW: Jodi Arias full interview footage — Transcript

by FOX 10 Phoenix · 7,110 words · 1,048 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00okay who's Mak
0:02her go over
0:21shoulder I'm thinking I'm going to come
0:23over through your hair here you want to
0:25pull it to the side for
0:26me come right here
0:33and we'll have this back here like this
0:36okay go and put your hair down is that
0:38going to work
0:51guys do M check on I get you to count to
0:5310 jod out loud yes one two three four
0:59five six seven eight nine
1:0710 want do one more time for me I'm
1:09sorry yeah one two three four five six
1:12seven eight nine 10 and if you can put
1:14that
1:18M
1:20sorry I just be aware that the doors are
1:23lock if anyone needs to leave it makes a
1:26noise so if you need to leave for any
1:28reason if you want to stop because I
1:30don't know if you want that noise in the
1:31background of the sliding doors opening
1:34up it's pretty heavy mechanical we'll go
1:36we'll go straight through
1:38here get my notes
1:42up everybody's
1:44good Joe
1:53lighting they got you let really well H
1:56they've got you lit really
1:57well remember waste up
2:00one of you
2:02guys we good good go good okay
2:07um just a couple of minutes ago you
2:09heard the burden from the jury what are
2:11your
2:12thoughts um I think I just went
2:16blank just
2:22um I don't know I just feel
2:26overwhelmed I think I just need to
2:30take it a day at a
2:32time was it unexpected you think this Ro
2:35it was unexpected for me yes because
2:39there was no premeditation on my part I
2:40can see how things look that way
2:43but I didn't expect the premeditation I
2:46could see maybe the felony murder
2:47because of how the law is written but I
2:49didn't the whole time I was fairly
2:52confident I wouldn't get premeditation
2:54because there was no
2:56premeditation it seemed and you got a
2:58lot of questions from the jury it seemed
3:00like some of those jurors didn't believe
3:02what you were telling them didn't
3:03believe your story what are your
3:05thoughts on that I can understand that I
3:07think because
3:09of what I was the lies that I told in
3:11the beginning to try to cover up this
3:13cover up that hide things that I didn't
3:16want to be known made public what did
3:19you lie at the
3:20beginning um well mostly because I was
3:24scared but I also didn't want certain
3:28aspects of my relationship with tr was
3:29to come out and um I was ashamed of what
3:35had happened how it happened how it
3:37escalated um I don't know if there's
3:40really a word in at least in my
3:43vocabulary to describe it but I think
3:45mortified is one of the closest words
3:49ashamed things like that do you um did
3:54you avoid eye contact with Travis's
3:55family while you were in there or did
3:56you make eye contact and what are your
3:58thoughts on that um I typically avoided
4:00eye contact Travis comes from a family
4:03where they all sort of look a lot alike
4:07so when I see their faces I see Travis
4:10and I see the man that abused me and I
4:15don't want to look at
4:17that um is it hard do you have a sense
4:22of where the the public feeling is about
4:24you whether you're liked or not liked I
4:27mean I get the sense that there there is
4:30great division on both sides but I
4:32believe the majority is against me what
4:35are your thoughts are that
4:39um a psychologist once explained to me
4:42that Society has this need to um
4:45persecute people they get some sort of
4:47gratification from it so there might be
4:49something going on there
4:53um beside that I I don't really it's so
4:57convoluted that we could talk for hours
4:59on that
5:01but
5:02um it just is what it
5:05is you um just a recent we'll talk about
5:08Twitter in a second but in just a recent
5:10tweet you were talking about you just
5:11mentioned the word suicide I mean how
5:14are you feeling right now well not
5:17really looking forward
5:18to what comes next
5:21but explain that to
5:23me um
5:28well I just just more Court just keeps
5:31going on and on I just want wanted to
5:33get it over
5:34with are you focusing on the court or
5:37are you focusing on what could be the
5:40the worst outcome for you well the worst
5:42outcome for me would be natural life I
5:45would much rather die sooner than later
5:48longevity runs in my family and I don't
5:49want to spend the rest of my natural
5:50life in one place um you know I'm pretty
5:55healthy I don't smoke and I would
5:57probably live a long time so that's not
6:00something I'm looking forward to um I
6:03said years ago that I'd rather get death
6:04in life and that still is true today I
6:08believe death is the ultimate Freedom so
6:10I'd rather just have my freedom soon as
6:12soon as I can get it so you're saying
6:14you actually prefer getting the death
6:16penalty to being in prison for life yes
6:20that might surprise some
6:21people well I think that if you look at
6:25um things eternally it's not as scary
6:31I mean we do get attached to our lives
6:32and I'm attached to
6:33mine but
6:37um I don't know I just I can't fathom
6:40staying in one spot for the rest of my
6:42life I've been everywhere and um I think
6:45it would just drive me a little
6:48crazy you uh had some classes with Juan
6:52Martinez you kind of went after my
6:53Twitter a little bit what are your
6:54thoughts on
6:55one um
7:00well prior to trial I respected one as a
7:03very
7:05um capable
7:07attorney um even though he's done some
7:10very shady things in my case as far as
7:12hiding evidence and um failing to
7:15disclose certain things hoping it would
7:18just go away but in the end what does it
7:20matter it didn't help my
7:22case as far as all the evidence that did
7:25come to light eventually um in trial I
7:28think that
7:30um his accusation that I was seeking
7:33fame is is absurd um I remember a
7:38hearing we had in 2011 when he stood up
7:41before the court and said I don't
7:44control the media if if it were up to me
7:46I'd be on TV every night so I think he's
7:49the one seeking fame not me
7:52but you know it is what it
7:56is you uh had some some pretty tough
8:01things I would imagine to go through in
8:02the trial during the trial there were
8:05photographs of you
8:07displayed I noticed you tended to Look
8:10Away what were you thinking when those
8:12photographs were being flashed up conf
8:14everybody I wanted to crawl under the
8:16table and just
8:26disappear if you had to look at some of
8:30the tougher parts of what you've been
8:32through the last four months what would
8:34they
8:42be just coming to fully understand what
8:45I put people
8:46through my family and everyone else as
8:52well that's the part I always
8:55regret tell me more about that what do
8:57you mean
9:01well just the way everything happened
9:05um I think that if I just been honest
9:08from the beginning I'd be in a different
9:10place and so would everyone
9:14else and um because of what I've done a
9:18lot of people will hurt for a long
9:20[Music]
9:25time it's got to be a tough uh time for
9:28you obviously learning what happened but
9:30you're telling me that if you would have
9:32done things differently do you do you
9:34regret how you went about doing things
9:36after Travis was killed after you killed
9:38Travis yeah I think that I was just
9:41freaked out well I know I was freaked
9:44out
9:45um I didn't know what to do I did I knew
9:49that I couldn't just carry on as normal
9:51but I tried to do that I tried to act
9:54that part
9:55until you know until everything came
9:57down on me
10:01I just I just couldn't imagine going to
10:03my family and saying hey look what
10:04happened or going to the police and
10:05saying here arrest me
10:09um I was just horrified with what had
10:11happened and it was difficult to face
10:14that that I had been pushed to that
10:16point and that I would could be capable
10:18with something like
10:21that and let's talk to a little bit
10:23about what happened um after the yearor
10:25Travis was that night that day a lot of
10:28people
10:29who have talked to me about it said how
10:31could she have gone up and been with
10:33another man you know basically 24 hours
10:35after this how are you able to put that
10:38behind you and basically go on a date I
10:40don't think I so much put it behind me
10:42as I just sort of checked out I hardly
10:45remember that day um I don't remember it
10:48being nearly as intimate as he described
10:50I remember falling asleep and taking a
10:52nap and he was laying next to me um I
10:56remember feeling it's strange but I
10:59remember never feeling safe he wasn't
11:01going to snap he wasn't going
11:04to you know take advantage of me and try
11:06to do things I was UN comfortable with
11:10um I just felt safe with that person
11:14but I knew
11:18that I
11:20mean it's not like I went up there
11:22because I was hoping to pursue a
11:24relationship I went up there because I
11:25thought oh crap I need to keep my
11:27schedule so I went up there almost
11:30because I felt a sense of obligation
11:32inside in order to keep up the pretense
11:35not because I was going off to have
11:39fun but it's odd even to me I don't know
11:41you at all but I feel like I know a
11:43little bit about you but you really look
11:45at your hands and you realize what's
11:47happened yeah and at that point you say
11:49to yourself I've got to go up and meet
11:51this person I'm going to keep that
11:53appointment I'm going keep that
11:54date how I don't understand how that
11:56goes through your mind well what
11:58happened was um I slowly began to come
12:00to while I was in the desert and
12:03um um when I found my charger and I
12:07turned my phone on there were tons of
12:09voicemails um one from Leslie I think a
12:12few from Leslie maybe one from
12:16Ryan and I realized these people are
12:18wondering where I am and I thought I
12:22just felt like I needed
12:24to buy myself some time and figure out
12:26what had happened
12:30I was just very I was very shocked I
12:32didn't know what I was
12:35doing um I'd like to go over just a
12:37couple of things in the case if I could
12:39um when your grandparents gun went
12:41missing that's what most people point to
12:42is the point where you basically made
12:44the decision that I'm going to go down
12:45there and do this what what do you say
12:47to people when they make that point well
12:49I was really hoping the defense would
12:51call my sister because I spent the day
12:52with her and um we weren't at the house
12:55when that happened we weren't even in
12:56WIA we were out of town we were um
12:59actually in no town we were out in the
13:00middle of almost nowhere at a Buddhist
13:03monastery near the border of Oregon and
13:05California taking pictures I was really
13:08hoping my defense team would um recover
13:11those pictures they're on another hard
13:13drive that stopped working that they
13:14never made an issue of those photos on
13:17there um are date and time stamped and
13:19they show that I'm out of
13:21town um during that time so that was my
13:24hope that we could show the jury that I
13:27was nowhere near that area
13:29I mean that's what it's really helping
13:31so you're sticking by that part of your
13:32story oh absolutely yeah let's talk
13:35about the gas cans that's another thing
13:38that keeps being brought up all the time
13:40was there a third gas can um there was
13:43initially one I purchased it but I
13:44really did return it I got $13 and
13:46change back and I went on my way a lot
13:50of people are saying who who carries gas
13:52in the trunk of their car I didn't fill
13:54it up until I realized I was going to be
13:56driving across the desert um on a
13:58highway way alone that I've never driven
14:01at night and um it's something that we
14:05began to do when I moved to the desert
14:07because we didn't want to get stranded
14:08somewhere um just being from the coast
14:11120 degrees is a a shock to your system
14:13so we sort of um would travel with
14:16provisions and things like that so not
14:18always gas but I was taking a road that
14:20I had never traveled before and um
14:23suddenly being safe was more important
14:25than saving a few dollars on gas which
14:27was my initial goal
14:30and the the other thing that keeps
14:32coming up the jury seemed to have issues
14:34with as well was the lack of memory over
14:37the attack how can you explain that to
14:39me sure um I think it's been described
14:42how certain memories come back with time
14:44and rather than get worse and I've
14:47experienced a little bit of both
14:49memories have come back it's not just
14:51completely blink little things have come
14:53back here and there that I remember have
14:55have things come back since we began
14:57talking about this since the trial
14:58started
14:59um no these things
15:01well I can't think of anything
15:04specifically these things have come back
15:06within the last year two years things
15:08have been popping up and coming back and
15:10I testified to that a little bit
15:12um just different scenarios that have
15:17research I don't want to get into the
15:18details um so I I just I can't explain
15:22it I think I have a good memory and it's
15:25almost like I blacked out but I mean
15:27obviously wasn't unconscious
15:31um you're talking about your defense a
15:32little bit and you wish they would done
15:33this and done that are you happy with
15:35your defense I'm grateful for my defense
15:38they've worked very
15:39hard
15:41um not 100% but they've worked very hard
15:45what would you have
15:46changed um there is a man who saw me
15:49with bruises all
15:52over I would have made every effort to
15:55find him and they didn't
15:58[Music]
16:00there are other people who saw me with
16:02brdes
16:04um my
16:06friends my sisters and the defense
16:09didn't call them for their own reasons
16:11and I think that that would have
16:13cooperated some of the things that I
16:15said on the hard drive that we just
16:17discussed um the one that was not part
16:19of my trial there are photographs during
16:22that time and I think there might have
16:24been a photograph on there maybe maybe
16:26not we wouldn't know unless we looked
16:27but bres yourself I took pictures of
16:29myself during that time not specifically
16:31for that purpose but just being on the
16:33road
16:34and I just keep thinking maybe it was in
16:37that
16:38photo
16:42um tons of
16:44things you know um what I hear from
16:46women a lot is if she was getting beat
16:50up why didn't she call the police that's
16:52probably what you hear from women who
16:54have not been in my situation and been
16:56abused um
17:01I think at that time if I can put myself
17:04back in that mind frame at that time my
17:06fear of calling the police is
17:08that I would be seen as overly
17:12dramatic
17:14or I would make an enemy of Travis and I
17:17really just wanted us to be able to be
17:19friends
17:20ultimately
17:22um I was scared of the consequences for
17:26him and scared a little bit for me of
17:29calling the police and getting them
17:30involved getting the law involved and um
17:33I didn't want that to happen to him I I
17:35just wanted him to go on and be happy
17:37and be successful and I wanted the same
17:39for
17:40myself um let's talk about your family
17:43for a little bit your mom who's been um
17:46there for you every day in the
17:47courtroom what are your thoughts on her
18:06I can't talk right
18:27now is that the part think about your
18:30mom yeah my mom and my whole
18:39family yeah that's difficult as far as
18:43my mom I feel like I don't deserve her
18:45she's been a saint and I've not treated
18:48her very
18:54well there was some talk about you
18:57getting physical with your mother do
18:58that happen in terms of fighting like
19:01that um I vaguely remember the incident
19:05I think when they say I kicked her we
19:07were arguing and she was kicking me
19:09under the table and I think I kicked her
19:11back I was a
19:13teenager she did anything she could to
19:15keep us under
19:16control so she uh visits you often what
19:21do you talk
19:22about
19:25um
19:27everything pretty much
19:31sometimes they're good visits sometimes
19:32they're bad visits are unpleasant other
19:36times they're
19:37great so what happens during the good
19:42business
19:45um usually she's telling me um stories
19:49about things that are happening with my
19:51family or my friends
19:54or how many um emails and messages of
19:58support that she's getting people that
20:00support my family and me you know moral
20:03support that they're behind us and that
20:05makes me feel
20:07good what about what about the bad
20:09visits what do they
20:11like they're usually um just discussing
20:15unpleasant things
20:17um frustrating times things are very
20:21frustrating sometimes
20:25and it just it's
20:31brag um your artwork is all over the
20:34place do you take uh pride in the fact
20:37that people are paying money for your
20:40art um it's interesting um I take pride
20:45just not so much in the price tag but
20:48in the way I've developed the gift
20:51itself or the talent I should say I take
20:55pride in that I'm just I'm happy that
20:57I'm able to share it with the world
21:01um I noticed that um and I saw this on
21:03another Network so I don't know 100% if
21:05it's correct but uh that you buy large
21:07amounts from the commissary and then you
21:09tweeted out that you it's not only for
21:11you tell me about what you do Behind
21:13Bars when it comes the commissary yeah
21:16um after I was arrested I'm no longer
21:19working or going to church and so I'm
21:21not tithing anymore to the church but
21:24the church encourages you to tithe 10%
21:27so what I do is I take 10% of the dollar
21:29amount that I spend and I give that away
21:32and then recently I've
21:34been blessed with the ability to spend a
21:37little bit more so I'm able to give more
21:41and i' I've been glad to be able to do
21:45that are you still practicing your
21:47faith
21:49um I don't think
21:52I I'm still a member of the LDS church
21:56but I'm not actively practicing my faith
21:58at this point Point um they don't offer
22:00LDS services for maximum security
22:03inmates
22:05and the Mormons rarely come around to
22:09visit me so I've sort of Fallen away for
22:12that I don't know I still have my
22:13scripture I still read it but it's hard
22:16to maintain um an active status in the
22:19church
22:21when you're sort of cut off from it you
22:24said the Mormons don't come around to
22:25visit you who are you talking about um
22:27they have well they do come but maybe
22:29like once or twice a year
22:32um they
22:34[Music]
22:35are volunteers that are members of the
22:40church that go
22:42to jails prisons um facilities where
22:46people are incarcerated to visit
22:50them the uh Alexander family uh
22:54especially the the two sisters and the
22:57younger brother
22:59if you could say something to them what
23:01would you like to say to
23:03them I hope that now that a verdict has
23:06been rendered that they're able to find
23:08peace some sense of
23:11peace I don't think they'll ever find
23:13the peace that they would like but maybe
23:16they maybe they'll be able to have
23:19greater peace now or some semblance of
23:22it and be able to move on with their
23:24lives and remember their brother the way
23:26they wanted to
23:30do you still think about
23:32Travis yes in what
23:38way
23:40um there's a lot of regret because I was
23:44really hoping
23:46to get a plea and
23:49avoid talking about all of the things
23:51that came out about him
23:56um if we had been able to avoid trial we
23:58could have
24:00avoided just the murkier aspects of his
24:02life that he kept hidden and these
24:05aren't just things that came from my
24:06mouth they're his own words his own
24:08emails his own text
24:09messages the activities that he was up
24:12to photographs that show that as well
24:16none of that ever would have come to
24:17light it would have just been forgotten
24:19and he would be memorialized
24:21as um not perfect by any means but
24:25somebody who was known to adhere to
24:28morals and the principles that he
24:31espoused but
24:33now the curtain has been drawn and you
24:36can see the hypocrisy and everything
24:38that was there and I regret that because
24:40I know that even
24:42though he was living the life of a
24:45hypocrite that's not how he wanted to be
24:47perceived and I think inside he really
24:49didn't want to live that kind of
24:51Life there were some parts of your story
24:54that were definitely backed up by emails
24:56and texts and phone convers ation and
24:58things like that but a lot of people had
25:01real issues with the pedophilia when
25:02that was brought up um how do you
25:05respond to
25:06that well again I mean he's fantasizing
25:10about having sex with a 12-year-old on a
25:13tape that's a pedophile by
25:16definition
25:19um also there's a photograph on my hard
25:21drive which my attorne didn't feel was
25:23relevant but it's a picture of
25:25him chasing around a naked four-year-old
25:29boy with his Bible open pretending to be
25:32a Catholic priest I don't know why we
25:34were all hanging out I thought it was
25:36silly at the time and I snapped the
25:37photograph
25:39and um at the time I just thought he was
25:42mocking the Catholic church in poor
25:43taste
25:45and and then that was that
25:47but that was a year before I walked in
25:50on him and so after that incident of
25:53walking in on him I began to put all
25:55these things together and that was one
25:56of the puzzle pieces that seem to make
25:58sense to
26:00me a lot of people accusing you of
26:02tearing down a dead man's
26:04reputation I would have been very happy
26:06to remain silent and go quietly into the
26:08night off to
26:10prison my defense team decided to rip
26:13the lid off because we were forced to
26:16trial
26:18um the state didn't want to settle so
26:22it's not that I wanted
26:24to plow ahead and do this but
26:30I took the stand because strategically
26:32they advised me to and when I was on the
26:34stand I had to tell I had to answer the
26:36questions that were opposed to
26:38me so if you had to do this all over
26:40again you're in the desert you notice
26:43You' got blood on your hands how do you
26:46handle
26:47it I would turn around and drive to the
26:50Mesa Police
26:54Department and what do you think would
26:55have happened to you then
26:58I don't know but it would have been the
26:59right
27:06thing let's go forward it say you do get
27:10a long sentence how are you going to
27:12spend your
27:15life I haven't decided
27:26yet um to again if you can briefly about
27:29wanting to hurt yourself do you feel
27:31like you want to hurt yourself right now
27:33not right
27:35now I think I've gone in and out of
27:37periods of that since
27:402007 there was some talk about me being
27:42uh suicidal in high school I never was I
27:45think I might have written the words
27:47something along the lines of wanting to
27:48die but that's distinctly different from
27:50wanting to actually kill myself so I
27:52never was it I found it strange at the
27:55time that after I had gotten into the
27:58the church and I gained a testimony of
27:59the church suddenly I'm feeling suicidal
28:01I didn't understand that but I never did
28:04anything so it could just be talk it
28:09could just be purging my thoughts um
28:13that kind of
28:15thing
28:17um you're tweeting talking about Twitter
28:21is that your
28:22idea um
28:27initially I've never been on Twitter I
28:29don't even know what it looks like I
28:30just have heard about it through other
28:33people reading about it in
28:36magazines um in 2009 somebody started a
28:40false Twitter account in my name and
28:41began tweeting pretending they were me
28:43so I had that shut down um and then
28:48it it just became sort
28:51of an idea that I thought of in February
28:55and we decided to go for it are you
28:57happy you have
28:59yes well I don't I wouldn't say happy
29:01I'm I don't regret it right yeah what
29:04has it brought to
29:05you
29:09um I think there's a little bit of
29:11satisfaction gained from being able to
29:17um just impart my ideas and my thoughts
29:20and sort of let people know where I'm
29:23coming from whoever wants to look and
29:25you don't have to read it if you don't
29:26like it so
29:29uh you went after Nancy Grace there a
29:31couple
29:33times you want to talk about Nancy I
29:36don't think she's worth
29:38it ju you also went out
29:42there yeah I just found it a very highly
29:45hypocritical that he would point to me
29:47and call me the epitome of a liar when
29:49he has lied over and over on record in
29:50court over the
29:52years um I wish I had the ability to
29:55comb through those records and say right
29:57here he lied right here he lied right
29:59here he lied but he's not the one on
30:00trial
30:02so in that sense it doesn't matter that
30:04he lied but in another sense it does
30:07because of the important position that
30:10he
30:11has um we have how am I doing on time
30:14okay um you've got a mitigation juring
30:17coming up here or at penalty base tell
30:20me what do you know what your mitigating
30:22factors are going to be and how you
30:23going
30:24to well
30:29I've been told that I don't have any
30:30mitigating factors by who um my
30:35attorney so Kirk nury you're talking
30:38about Kirk nury said to you there are no
30:40mitigating factors for you in terms of
30:42arguing against a death P um nothing
30:47that is what you typically see in a case
30:50like this such
30:52as um a childhood where there was drugs
30:56alcoholism molest things like that none
30:59of those things occurred in my family
31:03um
31:05so I don't know I guess we would sort of
31:08joke that my mom didn't beat me hard
31:10enough so I don't really have
31:13mediation so what are you going to do I
31:15talked to the attorney and who's
31:17handling it um she seems like a very
31:18pleasant woman she said she's got a
31:20weekl long
31:21case well I think it has a lot to do
31:23with the fact that um they feel that I
31:26would be a suitable candidate to behave
31:30myself in um a correctional facility
31:34and just not be a problem that may be
31:38their angle I don't
31:43know did you uh have any knowledge of
31:48you know the interest in your case do
31:50you have an idea of how many people are
31:53interested
31:54um I hear things but I have no access to
31:59the news the internet that sort of thing
32:02no direct access what kinds of things do
32:04you
32:05hear um I do get the newspaper so that's
32:09been one portal where I've learned
32:11things um a lot of inmates have come in
32:14to the jail since then and they tell
32:16me
32:19um they want to come up and shake my
32:21hand they want to give me a hug they
32:22want they want My Autograph I'm not
32:24going to sign anything they just they
32:27want
32:28a piece of something that so it's it's
32:30kind of strange but that's given me an
32:34idea that has to be strange huh what do
32:38you think when somebody comes up and
32:39asks you for your
32:40autograph um it's it's kind of
32:44awkward I mean I I want to be nice to
32:46people but I tell them no it's I don't
32:50think it's appropriate why don't you
32:51sign
32:52things
32:55um my goal isn't Fame I just
32:58my goal was just
33:00to get through this so I certainly
33:04didn't want
33:05that to to give off that
33:13impression pretty uh a quote or Sound by
33:17from your TR has played over and over
33:18again and you even smiled at it in court
33:20was Kurt NY saying nine days out of 10
33:23even he doesn't like you yeah what do
33:25you think when he said that um I thought
33:27of um I actually thought of Elizabeth
33:29Johnson's trial because I was reading
33:31the coverage in the paper and her
33:32attorney said told the jury that it's
33:35important U well I'm paraphrasing but he
33:38told them that it's not about whether or
33:39not you like her it's about the facts of
33:42the case so I think it was um I think it
33:47might I believe it's standard somewhat
33:50that um JS need to remember it's not
33:52about whether or not you like the
33:53defendant um does kir like you I think 9
33:57days out of 10
33:58I mean one day out of nine one day out
34:01of 10 yeah I think so why don't you get
34:03along well we actually we got along very
34:06well for a long time and then we just
34:08have had clashes um in ideas and
34:12ultimately he's the
34:22boss anything you want to say to one
34:25Martinez no
34:31um you seem to be writing quite a bit
34:34during testimony or were you drawing
34:35what were you doing I was writing just
34:38thoughts when I heard something with
34:39testimony I would write notes pass it to
34:41Jennifer pass it to Kirk things like
34:42that just to keep them
34:44informed so you weren't
34:46drawing there might be occasional little
34:49scribbles in the margins but no no
34:51drawing
34:55that anything else you want well not
34:58that I can think of well actually there
35:00is one more thing yes I wanted to say
35:03um if I could
35:06um tell somebody in a situation that I
35:08was in anything I just would encourage
35:11them to document it I think that
35:14um it doesn't mean they have to turn the
35:16person in or betray them but should a
35:21situation ever arise I think
35:22documentation would have been very
35:24helpful in my
35:25case and um
35:31my sister is going through um something
35:34right now with her ex-husband
35:37and there are um a lot of things that
35:40she could have documented that would
35:41help her so it's surprises me that
35:45even as she knows about what I've gone
35:47through she still fails to document
35:50these things and it's so easy save these
35:53text messages save these incidents write
35:55these things down make reports
35:58um but they don't people just don't do
36:01that I don't know why women don't do
36:03that I mean some do no it's not black
36:05and white it's not 100% but if we could
36:09just make a record then that record will
36:11stand should something happen down the
36:14line you've actually started um at least
36:17uh you tweeted out that you're showing
36:19t-shirts for domestic violence children
36:21do you plan to continue those efforts
36:22yes why do you do that
36:25um my uh well I I assume that they were
36:29doing okay as is with Government funding
36:31and things like that just donations but
36:34I've spoken with some people who have
36:35worked in those shelters and they always
36:37need
36:37donations and um it's important to me to
36:41be able
36:43to assist them in being able to assist
36:49survivors so I guess I'll wrap it up by
36:51saying you talked about domestic
36:52violence um a lot of people are going to
36:54be see going to be a lot of people are
36:56going to be seeing this is there one
36:59thing you'd like to get out to all those
37:01people do you mean um people in general
37:08yes I'm sure I'll think of something
37:11very clever to say later but as you walk
37:13out yeah can understand that I guess
37:15what I really want to say is to um other
37:18women who are in a situation that I was
37:20once in and it's like I just like I just
37:22said I really just I wish they would
37:24just document it that's it you don't
37:26have to do anything with it you don't
37:28have to turn the person you love in you
37:30don't have to do anything just document
37:32it just in case it's better to have it
37:34and not need it than the opposite and um
37:38again I think that things would be very
37:41different right now if I had documented
37:42all of the things that I went through
37:45instead of being in a state of
37:46denial what would you like to say to all
37:49the people who seem to really dislike
37:51you even even hate
37:54you um
37:59well maybe I should be flattered that
38:01they focus on me so much if they dislike
38:03me so much then why am I always on their
38:10radar I'm Ian by way I'm Choice
38:13executive thank you for doing this
38:16um do you you were just talking about
38:18the people that don't like you do you
38:22care at all I mean does it matter to you
38:24that people like you or don't like you
38:25is it going to matter to you wherever
38:27you up if you went answer for um at age
38:3032 it doesn't matter um I think when I
38:33was arrested at age 28 it bothered me
38:36and um even before my arrest before I
38:38ever imagined my life going in this
38:39direction if I knew someone didn't like
38:41me it it would GW at me in the back of
38:43my mind but at this point I can truly
38:46say it's like water off a duck's back um
38:48I've reached a place I wish I'd reach
38:51this place years ago but I think it just
38:52comes with age but I've reached a place
38:54where it it really doesn't bother me
38:56what about the domestic domestic
38:57violence groups that don't believe your
39:01story and say we don't want your help
39:03there's some people out there saying
39:05that you know keep your t-shirts keep
39:07your efforts we don't believe you okay
39:09I'm not aware of um any organizations
39:12that help survivors of domestic violence
39:14that are calling a survivor of domestic
39:17violence um saying that they don't
39:19believe that person that's
39:22um that's not a good thing to say to
39:24somebody who's been through through it
39:27um
39:28it would be like a child running and
39:30telling somebody what's going on with
39:31them and the parent says I don't believe
39:33you or an authority figure says I don't
39:34believe you so you can imagine what it
39:37does to that person
39:39um and then I have a question about the
39:42jury you you think they got it wrong
39:46correct as far as premeditation I know
39:48they got it wrong um some said felony
39:51murder I think
39:53that's uh a very ugly law sitting in my
39:56position
39:58but as far as the way the law is written
39:59I think I can understand how some
40:01reached that conclusion so what's your
40:02message to the
40:04jury right
40:07now well I don't know that I have a
40:09direct message for the jury I know that
40:12um I prayed constantly for every single
40:15one of them so that's the jury that was
40:17brought to me that's the jury that I was
40:19meant to have so you you pray for the
40:21jury I prayed prior to trial that the
40:24right jurors would would be on my on my
40:27jury
40:28so um I just have to believe that those
40:31were the right
40:34jors and the last question I have is
40:36going back to when you were on the stand
40:39and Juan Martinez was cross-examining
40:42you it was really tense felt like you
40:45were giving back as much as he was
40:47giving what was going through your mind
40:49what really did you want to say had
40:51there been no constraints in what to say
40:53at that point I would have said a lot
40:55more um you want to say it now well I
40:58can't I would have to think back to a
41:00specific incident well he told him he
41:01was scrambling your brain cuz he was
41:03yelling at you remember that yeah um
41:07what were you thinking when he was
41:08yelling at
41:10you
41:12um I probably shouldn't
41:15say there were a lot of times when he
41:17was beating up on other Witnesses more
41:19like attacking the messenger rather than
41:21the message and I just wanted to be able
41:24to uh jump into their body and respond
41:28for
41:29them just because I feel like he is um a
41:34bully I actually kind of expected you
41:36when he would go after you like that to
41:39to shrink away or cry or be like what
41:41but instead you you did stand out to
41:44yeah I think that if um it had been any
41:46sooner then trial did take a long time
41:47to finally get here if it had been any
41:49sooner I would have melted I would have
41:52just Fallen apart um but my confidence
41:56came on the stand knowing that I'm I'm
41:59up there and I'm ready to speak the
42:00truth and I know that I was I know what
42:03happened and that gave me a sense of
42:05inner strength to handle him he can
42:07throw whatever curve balls he wants I
42:09know what I know what happened and I'll
42:12answer
42:14it what are you going to do
42:16tomorrow I have court um I don't
42:22know what's T going to be like I'm
42:25hoping knowing now the decision what's
42:27how is tonight going to be different
42:29than every night leaving up to today
42:32um
42:35well I thought a lot about that and um I
42:39had a list of things that I wanted to do
42:40with my life if I were blessed with a
42:43second chance
42:45so there are still things on that list I
42:47might be able to accomplish regardless
42:50um but tonight I was going to go back
42:53and visit with my family and um
42:57break the news to my friends who have
42:59been very
43:00supportive and just business as usual
43:04tonight and then we'll see what tomorrow
43:11brings get all your stuff off here I was
43:14going to try to show you what your
43:15Twitter page looks like but we have no
43:16service down here here's what a homepage
43:17looks like that's my homepage so yours
43:19is a shot of you in court yeah and then
43:22down below is a whole bunch of the
43:24groupings of what you write so you only
43:25get 140 characters okay and then you're
43:28able to uh direct message here that's
43:30how Donovan was able to get in touch
43:32with me a couple of times I see so um if
43:35you ever need to get in touch with me
43:36again you got my number and Donan I'll
43:38obviously get through that there thank
43:40you um stay in touch I mean I don't know
43:44what I can do for you on the outside
43:46youve done a lot for me I said with you
43:48today and I respect I I read when you
43:50gave me your car your that postcard kind
43:52of thing that you said you have
43:53daughters I do and I don't know how old
43:56they are but 11
43:57uh 14 yeah I just I mean I'm sure you're
44:01a great dad I don't know you but um I
44:04guess I just
44:06would just daughters are really fragile
44:11as far
44:24as you know I think about that all the
44:26time my wife and I talk about it quite a
44:28bit my
44:3014-year-old had a boyfriend who we
44:32weren't really crazy about it's her
44:33first ever boyfriend and she's still
44:35crazy about him and I'm going back and
44:37forth about what to do about it
44:40yeah it's just it's
44:43um it's so common that they tend to
44:45choose well I mean at 14 it's a little
44:47different but it's it's common that they
44:49will choose men very similar to the kind
44:52that raised them and that's why I'm
44:53trying to reassure my wife cuz I am a
44:55good guy can back me up on that Lisa
44:58probably a little bit I don't know if
44:59you want to ask her I don't mean that
45:03um I don't mean that to be a reflection
45:06on my own dad I mean he's done the best
45:08he can your dad has yes he wasn't there
45:10very much he's got health issues correct
45:12yeah he has a lot of health issues does
45:14he come is he going to come down and
45:15visit you think I believe he will do you
45:18talk him on the phone yes kinds of
45:21things if you want to share what has he
45:23told you um
45:27his thoughts and his feelings he um he
45:30really wanted to interview with Fox
45:31because he likes that Network the most
45:36um would you allow him to do that
45:39now um I don't know um it's really up to
45:44him so we haven't talked about it
45:50much all right I think I got to let you
45:53go thank you do you know what time it is
45:56what time is yeah it's uh 20 after 3
45:59okay
46:09thanks okay this was really big for me
46:12thank you so much I know really
46:15appreciate that and it wasn't easy for
46:16you to do and I'll never forget it so
46:20I'm kid give
46:29we took our La off yes we're all
46:45good you guys are rolling right okay

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