Push Yourself to Be Happy Even When Life is Hard — Transcript

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1. 0:00Do you ever notice how when life punches
2. 0:02you in the gut, your mind starts
3. 0:04attacking you, too? And suddenly, you're
4. 0:07not just stressed, but you're spiraling.
5. 0:10And now you're finding flaws in
6. 0:11everything in your life. In your job, in
7. 0:14your body, in your future, in your own
8. 0:17worth. But here's the truth that most
9. 0:20people never actually learn. Happiness
10. 0:22is not what happens after the pain is
11. 0:26gone. It's what you practice during it.
12. 0:30When you only focus on what's going
13. 0:32wrong, your brain becomes a magnet for
14. 0:36misery. You find more things to be
15. 0:38miserable about. And that's a really,
16. 0:40really slippery slope. So, what if you
17. 0:43could actually rewire your brain to find
18. 0:46the good in everything, even if your
19. 0:49entire life is on fire? And if you can
20. 0:52train yourself to search for even a
21. 0:56sliver of good, your entire mindset and
22. 0:59even your brain chemistry and your brain
23. 1:02wiring will start to shift. And so let's
24. 1:04dive into it. Let's just call it like it
25. 1:07is, right? Most people, very good people
26. 1:10in this world, completely cave when
27. 1:12things go sideways in their lives. If
28. 1:15bills start to stack up, they shut down.
29. 1:17If their relationship starts to have a
30. 1:19little bit of stress, they spiral out of
31. 1:21control. If they get bad news, they
32. 1:23start finding everything that's wrong in
33. 1:26their life. Every single little teeny
34. 1:28tiny thing. It's kind of like as soon as
35. 1:30like one thing just goes wrong. The
36. 1:33brain is like, "See, I told you your
37. 1:35entire life was trash." It's like just
38. 1:36this, you know, it's like this little
39. 1:38teeny tiny house of cards and you just
40. 1:40give it one little flick and the entire
41. 1:42thing falls apart. Does that sound
42. 1:44familiar? Well, you have to understand
43. 1:47that if you don't actually start to work
44. 1:49on your mindset around this, it's only
45. 1:52going to get worse and worse and you're
46. 1:54going to start to develop patterns to
47. 1:56find the bad and everything. Like, you
48. 1:58probably know somebody I have somebody
49. 2:01in the top of my head right now that I
50. 2:02can think of that is negative all the
51. 2:05time. You could win the lottery and then
52. 2:07be like, "Oh my god, do you know how
53. 2:08much you're going to have to pay in
54. 2:09taxes?" Like, they can find the bad in
55. 2:12everything. And they're that way because
56. 2:15they have accidentally, I'm sure they
57. 2:16didn't do it on purpose, they've
58. 2:17accidentally wired themselves to find
59. 2:19the bad in everything. But people who
60. 2:22really actually become resilient and
61. 2:24develop a really resilient mindset are
62. 2:27different. The people who have done the
63. 2:29inner work and worked on themsel and
64. 2:31worked on their mindset and worked on
65. 2:32their trauma and worked on their past
66. 2:34and everything, they see life
67. 2:37differently than everybody else. Like
68. 2:39those who have spent time going and
69. 2:42finding the things that's going on like
70. 2:44in the trenches in their mind and in
71. 2:46their life, the ones that are doing the
72. 2:47real inner work, they don't collapse
73. 2:49when things get hard. Why is that?
74. 2:52Because they've trained their brain to
75. 2:56find the good, even if it's hidden under
76. 2:59layers and layers and layers of chaos.
77. 3:02Now, I want to be very clear. I'm not
78. 3:04talking about toxic positivity. I'm
79. 3:07talking about you finding good in
80. 3:11anything that's happening so that you
81. 3:13can become a better person thinking
82. 3:15better to work out of whatever negative
83. 3:18thing is happening in your life. This is
84. 3:20called neurological resilience. It's
85. 3:23like you learn to internalize the truth
86. 3:27behind the yin and the yang which is
87. 3:30within every hard thing there is
88. 3:32something good. And even if it's tiny,
89. 3:35if you search for it, you can find it.
90. 3:37You just have to be willing to look. And
91. 3:39so I want you to remember this phrase
92. 3:41the rest of your life. Happiness is a
93. 3:43choice. Now, that phrase when I put it
94. 3:47on Instagram or I talk about it on an
95. 3:49Instagram reel, pisses a lot of people
96. 3:51off. It triggers a lot of people because
97. 3:53they're like, "Well, you don't know my
98. 3:54life and you don't know what's happened
99. 3:55to me." It's, you have to understand,
100. 3:57not some like feel-good slogan. And I'm
101. 4:00not being all woo woo when I'm like,
102. 4:01"Hey, happiness is a choice. Your life
103. 4:04is on fire. Act like it's not on fire."
104. 4:06What I'm saying, it's not a feel-good
105. 4:08slogan. It's neuroscience. Your brain is
106. 4:11always rewiring itself. Always. And
107. 4:15every time that you try to find
108. 4:18something good, which means that you are
109. 4:20not being on autopilot anymore, but
110. 4:23you're actually taking time and energy
111. 4:26and intention to find something good.
112. 4:29you're actually strengthening the part
113. 4:31of your brain that is responsible for
114. 4:34positive pattern recognition. Now, on
115. 4:37the opposite side of that, if you are
116. 4:39actually looking for the bad in
117. 4:41something, you're strengthening the part
118. 4:43of your brain that's responsible for
119. 4:44negative pattern recognition. And so, in
120. 4:47neuroscience, there's a thing called
121. 4:49Heb's law. And they say neurons that
122. 4:51fire together wire together. Which means
123. 4:53at any time that you think something a
124. 4:55certain way, that wiring becomes
125. 4:57stronger. And if you decide that you
126. 4:59want to think differently, you're going
127. 5:01to actually start to wire together new
128. 5:03neurons that have never been together.
129. 5:05And so when you practice happiness and
130. 5:08gratitude and finding the good in
131. 5:10things, especially when you don't feel
132. 5:13like it, you're actually literally
133. 5:16reshaping your brain. You're doing three
134. 5:19different things. You're strengthening
135. 5:20your prefrontal cortex, which is where
136. 5:22your decision-m and your optimism comes
137. 5:24from. You're soothing your amygdala,
138. 5:27which is where your fear and your threat
139. 5:29detection comes from. And you're
140. 5:31building more dopamine receptors in your
141. 5:33brain, which is where motivation and
142. 5:36pleasure comes from. So over time, this
143. 5:39actually will become your new default
144. 5:41setting. So you don't even have to try
145. 5:43to find the good in things. You'll
146. 5:44actually just start living that way. And
147. 5:46I can tell you from 100% in my own
148. 5:50anecdotal
149. 5:52story, trust me, I was the definition of
150. 5:55a negative Nancy when I was younger. I
151. 5:57could find the negative in anything. And
152. 6:00I could give excuses and I could tell
153. 6:02you why I was screwed over all the time
154. 6:04and why life wasn't working out for me
155. 6:06and other people always had good luck
156. 6:08and I had bad luck. But now my default
157. 6:11setting is to find the good in
158. 6:12everything. But I also do, just so you
159. 6:15know, have the overall uh because now
160. 6:18that I've been living my life now for a
161. 6:21while and I've seen things happen for my
162. 6:23benefit, even when I didn't think they
163. 6:24were going to be in my benefit, I truly
164. 6:27believe and I have this like just
165. 6:29thought over my entire life that with
166. 6:32all 40 trillion of my cells, I believe
167. 6:33it that everything that's happening in
168. 6:37my life is happening for me, not
169. 6:39happening to me. Because if it's
170. 6:40happening to me, I'm a victim. If it's
171. 6:43happening for me, then it's actually
172. 6:45happening for me to learn or grow or get
173. 6:48better or to have a better life. And I
174. 6:50believe that to my core. And so let's
175. 6:54actually tell you with research. So I I
176. 6:56gave you my anecdotal, oh yeah, this is
177. 6:58what happened in my life. But I don't
178. 6:59want to just give you fluff. I want to
179. 7:00actually talk real studies for those of
180. 7:02you guys that want proof, right? So
181. 7:04there was a study that was done at
182. 7:05Indiana University where they used fMRI
183. 7:08scans to show participants who practice
184. 7:12gratitude. And they showed that the
185. 7:14people who practice gratitude showed
186. 7:16more activity in the medial prefrontal
187. 7:19cortex of their brain, which is the area
188. 7:21that's linked to learning and
189. 7:22decision-m. They studied them six months
190. 7:26later and they actually found that the
191. 7:28effects lasted over six months after the
192. 7:31study ended. Which means when you train
193. 7:34yourself to look for the good in
194. 7:35something, your brain eventually starts
195. 7:38doing it on autopilot. Now, I don't want
196. 7:41to give you just one study in case
197. 7:42you're very uh you need some a lot of
198. 7:45studies and really a lot of proof to
199. 7:46believe me. Uh there was actually a
200. 7:48study that was done by Dr. Martin
201. 7:50Segelman who is considered the the
202. 7:53father of positive psychology and showed
203. 7:55that people who practice optimistic
204. 7:57reframing. So whenever something happens
205. 8:00you find the optimism in that situation
206. 8:03were more likely to recover from
207. 8:04setbacks and experience less depression
208. 8:07in their lives over time. And then the
209. 8:10last one Harvard psychologist Dr. Sean
210. 8:12Aker found that five minutes a day of
211. 8:15positive journaling and finding the
212. 8:18positive in their life significantly
213. 8:20increased happiness and reduce stress
214. 8:22hormones like cortisol in somebody's
215. 8:24brain. So this isn't like I said toxic
216. 8:26positivity like oh my god the house is
217. 8:28on fire. I'm just going to act like it's
218. 8:30not on fire. It's not toxic positivity.
219. 8:33It's neurological facts that your brain
220. 8:35actually starts to change and rewire
221. 8:38itself for the good and finding the good
222. 8:42when you actually take time and
223. 8:44intention to find the good in anything
224. 8:46that's going bad. And you have to
225. 8:48understand that that the rewiring is not
226. 8:50something that just like happens
227. 8:51instantly. It's not like you do it one
228. 8:52time, but if you stay consistent, it
229. 8:55will be inevitable. The way you like to
230. 8:57think of the way you should think of
231. 8:59your brain is kind of like a big corn
232. 9:01field, right? Like think of your brain
233. 9:03like this giant corn field and this new
234. 9:06maybe you've been negative your entire
235. 9:07life and you're just trying to figure
236. 9:08out how to be more positive. Every time
237. 9:11that you choose to find the good even
238. 9:14when it's buried, even when it's in the
239. 9:15middle of a bunch of chaos, it's like
240. 9:17walking a new path the very first time
241. 9:20in that cornfield. Is it going to be
242. 9:21hard to walk through a cornfield? If
243. 9:23it's a brand new path, yeah. But the
244. 9:25next time you do it, it's going to be a
245. 9:26little bit easier. And the next time you
246. 9:28do it, a little bit easier. the hundth
247. 9:29time you do it, it's going to be way
248. 9:31easier. Eventually, that path becomes
249. 9:34clearer. It becomes easier for you to
250. 9:37walk down, aka to start to think
251. 9:39through. And it becomes a road that you
252. 9:42actually will start to take in your
253. 9:44brain over time, even without thinking
254. 9:47after a while. But the truth that most
255. 9:51people avoid in this situation is you do
256. 9:53have to push yourself. Like you have to
257. 9:56push yourself sometimes to when you see
258. 9:59hitting the fan be like, "Okay,
259. 10:02I've got to I've got to get out of my
260. 10:03victim mindset. I've got to stop being
261. 10:05so sad and I've got to figure out what
262. 10:07is the good that could possibly come
263. 10:09from this. How could this be working out
264. 10:11in my favor? What lessons can I get from
265. 10:13this?" It's like happiness just doesn't
266. 10:15float down from the clouds and it's not
267. 10:18delivered to you by a unicorn, right?
268. 10:20Like you don't just wait for something
269. 10:22to make you feel happy. You have to
270. 10:24decide that my natural state will be
271. 10:28happiness.
272. 10:30So you have to sit there and say, "I'm
273. 10:32going to find one thing to be grateful
274. 10:33for today. I will shift my focus even
275. 10:37when if my brain wants to catastrophize
276. 10:39everything and think that my life is in
277. 10:41shambles. I'm going to stop feeding this
278. 10:43victim story in my head and I'm going to
279. 10:45find out how the world is working for
280. 10:47me." Because if you don't, your brain
281. 10:50will just keep collecting evidence that
282. 10:52your life sucks. And that's a natural
283. 10:55part of our brain. It's called the
284. 10:56negativity bias. It's like this way in
285. 10:58almost every single person. I've done
286. 11:00entire episodes on the negativity bias.
287. 11:02You can go back and listen to. So your
288. 11:04brain will always look for and collect
289. 11:06evidence that things are going wrong as
290. 11:08a protection mechanism for you. And so
291. 11:11you know who also collects evidence?
292. 11:13Your subconscious mind. And whatever you
293. 11:15think about a lot and whatever you
294. 11:17repeat the most, it will believe. So if
295. 11:20you say stuff like, "Oh, I'm stuck." Or,
296. 11:22"I don't have any good luck or nothing
297. 11:24ever works out for me or life is just
298. 11:26hard and I'm always screwed over." Guess
299. 11:28what? That is actually going to become
300. 11:30your truth. And so what you want to do
301. 11:33is this. When something becomes hard,
302. 11:36acknowledge it. Don't I'm not saying
303. 11:37don't be like, "Oh my god, no, this is
304. 11:39Yeah, no, it's completely fine." I'm not
305. 11:40saying I'm not saying that you need to,
306. 11:42you know, spray perfume on a turd. What
307. 11:45I'm saying is clean up the turd and then
308. 11:47make the make the floor that it was once
309. 11:49on shinier. Find the good in that thing.
310. 11:51So acknowledge, okay, yeah, this is
311. 11:54tough. This is really hard. I really do
312. 11:56feel it. Then you want to just breathe
313. 11:58through it, right? Because when stuff is
314. 12:00really hard, your brain's usually all
315. 12:01over the place. And when you're, you
316. 12:03know, your emotions are high, your logic
317. 12:05is low. So you breathe. Anchor yourself
318. 12:07in the present moment. It might be two
319. 12:09minutes you need to breathe or if shit's
320. 12:10really hitting the fan, it might be 10
321. 12:11minutes. And then just ask yourself to
322. 12:14try to see, you know, change your
323. 12:16perception in some sort of way from this
324. 12:18is so bad, this is so bad, this is so
325. 12:20bad and doom and gloom. Ask yourself,
326. 12:22what can this teach me? Like what's one
327. 12:25good thing that could come from this?
328. 12:28Like how can this circumstance possibly
329. 12:31make me stronger? or like if everything
330. 12:35is happening for me that must mean that
331. 12:38this thing is going to make me better.
332. 12:40So what lessons can I pull from this and
333. 12:43it might be like you know I'm actually
334. 12:45learning to ask for help or this pain
335. 12:48that's happening is showing me that I
336. 12:50need to figure out new boundaries or it
337. 12:53could be even I'm still here in that
338. 12:55something and you can find the good in
339. 12:57the fact that you're still here and that
340. 12:59becomes your access point for starting
341. 13:01to rewire. So, it's like, what good can
342. 13:03come from this? What lessons can I pull
343. 13:04from this? How can I make how can this
344. 13:06make me stronger? What can this teach
345. 13:07me? And you start to actually ask
346. 13:10yourself these questions because when
347. 13:11you ask yourself a question or ask
348. 13:13anybody a question, you're framing their
349. 13:16perception. And you're framing your own
350. 13:18perception from something's wrong, this
351. 13:20is not good to what can I learn from
352. 13:22this, how can I get better in this? And
353. 13:24so, I want you to understand in your
354. 13:26life, happiness is a choice. It really
355. 13:29is. And if you're going to have a great
356. 13:31life, if you're going to be happy in
357. 13:33your life, then you need to make the
358. 13:35choice that no matter what happens,
359. 13:38you're going to end up having a great
360. 13:40life. That everything in this universe
361. 13:42that happens around you is happening for
362. 13:45you, for your greater good. You're not
363. 13:48the story of your past. You're the
364. 13:51narrator of it. And you're the person
365. 13:53who gets to reframe everything that's
366. 13:56happened to you, to reinterpret
367. 13:58everything that's happened to you, to
368. 13:59rewrite everything that's happened to
369. 14:01you, and to see it from a different
370. 14:03perspective. And like, life gets hard.
371. 14:06You're not going to go through this life
372. 14:08without at least a decent amount of
373. 14:10pain. But when you're hardwired for
374. 14:13growth, you push yourself. You smile
375. 14:17through the tears. You laugh in the
376. 14:19middle of chaos. and you keep finding
377. 14:21the gold that's hidden inside of the
378. 14:23dirt. Because every single time that you
379. 14:25do, what you're doing is you're building
380. 14:27yourself and your brain neurologically
381. 14:30into a stronger, happier, and more
382. 14:33powerful version of you. Hey, thanks so
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