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Psychology of Addiction (And How to Beat It Without Willpower) — Transcript

by PsychToons · 3,179 words · 468 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00It's 11 at night. You told yourself an
0:02hour ago that you were going to sleep.
0:04You're lying there in the dark and your
0:06hand reaches for the phone before any
0:07part of you decides to reach for it.
0:09You're not excited. You already know
0:11what's on there. You've already seen it
0:13and your thumb moves anyway. Same three
0:15apps, same order, close them, open them
0:18again. 20 minutes pass, then 40. And
0:22somewhere in the middle of it, you
0:23notice something that doesn't quite add
0:24up. You're not enjoying this. There's no
0:27pleasure in it at all. it's just
0:29happening to you. That is the strangest
0:31fact about the psychology of addiction
0:33and almost nobody says it out loud.
0:35Addiction is not really about pleasure.
0:37Most people assume you keep going back
0:39to the phone, the porn, the vape, the
0:42food, the game because it feels so good
0:45that you can't resist it. They assume
0:47the problem is weak willpower, no
0:49self-control, bad habits, a broken
0:52character. But if you look honestly at
0:54your own cravings, you'll notice the
0:56enjoyment quietly left a long time ago.
1:00But the wanting stayed and that gap
1:02between the two is where your whole life
1:04has been getting stuck. Here's what
1:06almost everyone gets backwards. Wanting
1:09something and liking something feel like
1:11the same experience from the inside.
1:13They are not. They run on separate
1:15machinery in your brain and only one of
1:17them grows when you repeat a behavior.
1:19So the thing you cannot stop doing is
1:21very often the exact thing you have
1:23stopped enjoying. That is not a moral
1:26failure. That is simply a learning
1:28system doing its job far too well.
1:30Welcome back to Psych Tunes. Today we're
1:32going to break down what addiction
1:34actually is underneath the shame and
1:36more importantly how people genuinely
1:38get out of it without relying on
1:40willpower. Because willpower is not just
1:43hard here. It's the wrong tool for the
1:45specific problem you're dealing with.
1:47And I'll show you exactly why. First,
1:49let's start by giving this thing its
1:51real name. In 1993, two researchers at
1:54the University of Michigan, Terry
1:55Robinson and Kent Barage, published a
1:58theory that changed how the field
2:00understands addiction. They called it
2:02incentive sensitization. 30 years later,
2:05in a full review of everything that came
2:07after it, the theory is still standing,
2:10and its reach has grown to cover
2:11behavioral addictions, too, not just
2:14drugs. Their finding was this. Your
2:16brain has a system that makes you want
2:18things and a system that makes you enjoy
2:20things and they are not the same
2:22circuits. Dopamine, the chemical
2:25everybody talks about, does not deliver
2:27pleasure. That was the old assumption
2:29and it turned out to be wrong. Dopamine
2:32drives pursuit. It makes something stand
2:34out, feel urgent, feel necessary. The
2:38enjoyment itself is handled by smaller,
2:40much more fragile systems that dopamine
2:43doesn't control. Now, here is the cruel
2:45part. When you repeat a behavior that
2:47strongly activates that pursuit system,
2:49the pursuit system becomes more
2:51sensitive over time. It gets louder,
2:53faster, easier to trigger, the liking
2:56system does no such thing. It stays flat
2:58and with many things, it actually
3:00declines. So the two lines separate.
3:03Wanting climbs, liking sags, and the
3:07distance between them is exactly the
3:08distance between the person you are at
3:1011 at night and the person you promised
3:13you'd be. Think of it like a doorbell.
3:15In the beginning, someone interesting
3:16was at the door. You answered and it was
3:18worth answering. So, your brain learned
3:20the sound. But over 10,000 answers, two
3:23things happened at once. The bell got
3:26louder until you could hear it through
3:27walls, through work, through
3:29conversations with people you love, and
3:31the visitor got duller until there was
3:33almost nobody standing there at all. You
3:36are not still answering because of who's
3:37outside. You're answering because of how
3:39loud the bell has become. And that's why
3:41Q-triggered wanting can survive years of
3:44abstinence. Robinson and Barage point
3:46out that this sensitized wanting
3:48persists long after withdrawal has
3:50ended. Even in someone who does not
3:52consciously want the thing anymore and
3:53does not expect it to be enjoyable. Your
3:56body can walk past a certain street
3:57corner, smell a certain smell, sit on a
3:59certain couch at a certain hour, and the
4:01bell rings as loud as it did on day one.
4:03So, where did that bell get installed?
4:06This is where most videos would take you
4:07back to your childhood. I'm not going to
4:10because the research points somewhere
4:11far more useful. In the late 1960s, the
4:14United States had a crisis on its hands.
4:17A large number of American soldiers in
4:19Vietnam were using heroin. When
4:21researchers surveyed them, roughly one
4:23in five described themselves as addicted
4:25with heavy prolonged use and real
4:27withdrawal. The government braced for a
4:29catastrophe when these men came home.
4:31The catastrophe never arrived. A team
4:34led by Lee Robbins followed them after
4:36their return and the results overturned
4:38what everyone believed about addiction
4:40at the time. About 5% were readdicted
4:42within a year. Around 12% relapsed at
4:45any point in the following 3 years.
4:48Which means the overwhelming majority of
4:49men who had been addicted in Vietnam
4:51simply were not addicted anymore. And it
4:53wasn't because they found extraordinary
4:55willpower on the flight home. Now, I
4:57want to be careful here because this
4:59study gets oversold constantly. Later
5:01reviews pointed out real limits. Much of
5:03the use was smoked rather than injected.
5:05The periods of use were short and a lot
5:07of the data is self-reported. So don't
5:09take it as proof that addiction is easy
5:11to escape. Take the modest version of
5:13the lesson, which is still enormous.
5:15Their environment changed completely.
5:17Every queue, every room, every smell,
5:21every person, every stretch of
5:22unbearable hour, all of it disappeared
5:24at once. And when the cues disappeared,
5:27most of the wanting went with them. That
5:29should change how you see yourself. Your
5:31addiction is not stored inside your
5:33character. A very large part of it is
5:35stored in your surroundings, in your
5:37schedule, in the specific corner of your
5:39house where it always happens, in the 90
5:42minutes after work when you have nothing
5:43planned. You are not carrying a
5:45defective soul from room to room. You
5:47are living inside a room that has been
5:49carefully trained to ring. But that
5:51trained system doesn't just pull you. It
5:53talks to you and it's a good liar. Let's
5:56go through the four lies it tells
5:57because you have heard all four of them
5:59in your own voice. Lie one, just this
6:02once. You've been clean for nine days.
6:04You're standing in the kitchen and the
6:06thought arrives dressed up in perfect
6:08reasonleness. One won't undo anything.
6:10You've earned it. You'll go right back
6:12to it tomorrow. What makes this lie so
6:14effective is that it is technically true
6:16and completely irrelevant at the same
6:18time. One time does not undo 9 days of
6:21physical recovery. But that was never
6:23what was at stake. What's at stake is
6:25the wire. Every single time the bell
6:27rings and you answer, you strengthen the
6:29connection between the ringing and the
6:30answering. Nine days of not answering
6:33was you weakening that wire. One answer
6:35retaches your nervous system that the
6:37wire still works and that ringing longer
6:40eventually gets a result. The cost is
6:42that just this once is never actually
6:44once. It's the reinstallation of the
6:47entire system priced as a single
6:49purchase. Lie too. I actually enjoy
6:52this. This is the one I want you to sit
6:54with because it's the most expensive lie
6:56you're telling yourself. Ask yourself
6:59something uncomfortable. In the last
7:00month, how many times did the thing
7:02actually deliver? Not the anticipation,
7:05not the 10 seconds before, the thing
7:07itself. Be honest about the scroll that
7:10lasted an hour, the video you didn't
7:12want to be watching by the end of it,
7:14the drink that stopped tasting like
7:15anything three drinks ago, the game you
7:18kept playing after it stopped being fun.
7:20How much of that was pleasure? and how
7:22much of it was just the absence of the
7:24itch. Because if the honest answer is
7:26that most of it delivered very little,
7:28then look at what you've been paying.
7:30You've been paying with your sleep, your
7:32mornings, your focus, your self-respect,
7:35your relationships with people who
7:36noticed you were somewhere else. You are
7:38paying full price for something that
7:40quietly went out of stock. And the
7:42reason you didn't notice the shelves
7:43were empty is that your wanting system
7:46kept sending the same invoice at a
7:48higher and higher amount for a product
7:50that stopped arriving months ago. I'm
7:52not saying that to shame you. I'm saying
7:54it because the moment you actually see
7:56the gap between how much you want it and
7:58how little you get from it, the whole
8:00thing starts losing its authority over
8:01you. Lie three. I'll stop when things
8:04calm down. You'll quit after this
8:06project, after exams, after the move,
8:09once work settles, once you're less
8:11stressed. Here's what's wrong with it.
8:14Stress is not the reason the loop
8:15exists. It's the condition under which
8:17the loop gets loudest. Which means when
8:20I'm less stressed is a date that keeps
8:22moving. Because part of what's keeping
8:24you tired, wired, and behind is the loop
8:27itself. You're waiting for calm before
8:29you address the thing that is actively
8:31consuming your calm. The cost is years,
8:34not days. This is the lie that turns a
8:37habit into a decade. Lie four, I already
8:40broke it, so the day is gone. You slip
8:42at 2:00 in the afternoon, and instead of
8:44it being one slip, the whole day
8:46collapses. You might as well finish the
8:48packet. Might as well stay up. Might as
8:50well restart Monday. Notice how strange
8:52this is. Nobody drops one plate and then
8:54smashes the rest of the shelf. But with
8:57this, the moment the streak breaks, the
8:58number goes back to zero in your mind
9:00and the rest of the day becomes
9:02worthless. That's not the craving doing
9:04that. That's shame doing it. And shame
9:07is the most reliable relapse engine
9:09there is. Feeling disgusted with
9:11yourself produces exactly the emotional
9:13state that makes the bell ring hardest.
9:15So you punish yourself for answering,
9:17and the punishment makes you answer
9:18again. The cost of this lie is that it
9:21turns one bad hour into one bad year.
9:23So, how do you get out of a loop that is
9:25built to keep you inside it? First, one
9:27honest note before anything else.
9:29Everything I'm about to describe is
9:31aimed at behavioral loops and compulsive
9:33habits. If you're physically dependent
9:35on alcohol, opioids, or benzoazipines,
9:38stopping suddenly on your own is not
9:40just hard. It can be genuinely
9:42dangerous. That's a doctor's job, not a
9:44videos. Please go get real medical
9:47support and don't let pride be the thing
9:48that stops you. Now, for everything
9:51else, here's the part that changes the
9:53game. You have been told your whole life
9:55that the way out is to want it more, to
9:57fight harder, to be more disciplined.
9:59That advice fails, and it fails for a
10:02mechanical reason, not a motivational
10:04one. Willpower is a fight. And in this
10:07fight, you are up against a system that
10:08never gets tired, never sleeps, never
10:11gets bored, and doesn't need to beat you
10:13often. It just needs to beat you
10:15occasionally. You are trying to win a
10:17war of attrition against something that
10:19does not experience attrition. So stop
10:21trying to win the fight. Break the wire
10:23instead. Here are four ways to do that.
10:26And every one of them works with the
10:27craving rather than against it. One,
10:30watch the wave instead of arguing with
10:32it. In 2009, researchers ran a study on
10:35123 student smokers. They deliberately
10:37triggered cravings in a lab and taught
10:39one group a simple technique. Don't
10:42fight the urge. Don't distract yourself.
10:44Just notice it. Feel where it sits in
10:46your body. Watch it rise. Watch it peak.
10:50Watch it come down without doing
10:52anything about it. Here's the result
10:53that matters. The urges did not go down.
10:56Both groups reported wanting to smoke
10:58just as much. But over the following
11:00week, the group that had practiced
11:01watching the urge smoked significantly
11:04fewer cigarettes. They did not beat the
11:06craving. They kept the craving and
11:09stopped obeying it. That's the entire
11:11skill. An urge is not a command. It's a
11:14weather event in your body and every
11:16single one of them has a peak and a
11:18downhill side, usually inside a few
11:20minutes. You have never once actually
11:22waited to find out because you've always
11:24answered the bell before it finished
11:25ringing. So next time it hits, set
11:28nothing. Promise nothing. Quit nothing.
11:31Just say, "I'm going to watch this one
11:33all the way through and then decide."
11:35Most of the time, you will not need the
11:37decision. Two, pay full attention while
11:40you do it. This one sounds backwards, so
11:42stay with me. Judson Brewer, a
11:44psychiatrist who was at Yale, ran a
11:47trial comparing a mindfulness-based
11:49approach to smoking against the standard
11:51program used by the American Lung
11:52Association. In that trial, the
11:54mindfulness group had considerably
11:56higher abstinence months later. I'll be
11:59straight with you. Later and larger
12:00trials found smaller differences, so
12:02don't treat the numbers as gospel, but
12:04the underlying move is what I want you
12:06to steal. He wasn't teaching people to
12:08resist. He was teaching them to actually
12:10notice the experience while they were
12:12having it. To smoke the cigarette while
12:14paying complete attention to how it
12:16tastes, how it feels, what it actually
12:18delivers. And what people repeatedly
12:20discover is that it's much worse than
12:22the story in their heads. Your brain has
12:24been running on an outof-date review.
12:26It's still pursuing a version of that
12:28reward from 3 years ago. So update the
12:30file when you do the thing. No second
12:33screen, no distraction, no autopilot,
12:36full attention. Then ask one question at
12:39the end. Was that worth what I paid? You
12:41are not resisting. You're auditing. And
12:44an honest audit does something willpower
12:46can never do. It lowers the wanting from
12:48the inside. Three. Change the room, not
12:51the man. Remember what actually freed
12:54those veterans, not character. Context.
12:57You are not going to outdisipline a
12:59queue you keep walking into eight times
13:01a day. So stop treating your environment
13:04as fixed and your soul as the flexible
13:06part. Charge the phone in a different
13:08room. Delete the app. Don't just move it
13:11to the second page. Take a different
13:13street. Change the chair. Change the
13:15hour. Make the friction between you and
13:17the behavior 30 seconds longer than it
13:20is right now. Because most relapses do
13:22not survive 30 seconds of friction. They
13:25survive on zero. And be honest about
13:27which environments are running your
13:28life. If there's a particular room, a
13:31particular time of night, a particular
13:33person, or a particular emptiness in
13:35your schedule where this always happens,
13:36that's not coincidence. That's the
13:38doorbell's wiring, and you're allowed to
13:40cut it. Four, rebuild the liking side.
13:43This is the one everybody skips, and
13:45it's the reason so many people quit
13:47successfully and then relapse 6 months
13:49later feeling gray and flat. Remember,
13:52wanting and liking are separate. When
13:54you remove the loud thing, your wanting
13:56drops, but you're left with a liking
13:58system that has been sitting unused for
14:00years. If you don't rebuild it, life
14:03feels colorless. And colorless is the
14:05exact state your old habit was designed
14:07to solve. So deliberately go get slow
14:09rewards. The ones that pay quietly and
14:12pay real. Long walks, cooking something
14:14properly, lifting something heavy, a
14:17book, a conversation with a person who
14:19is fully present, sunlight before noon.
14:21These feel almost insultingly small at
14:23first because your want system was
14:25calibrated on something much louder.
14:28Give it 6 weeks. The volume comes back.
14:30What you are doing is rebuilding a
14:32capacity for enjoyment that got
14:34flattened not by your weakness, but by
14:36repetition. And here's the part I most
14:38want you to hear. The goal was never to
14:41become a person who never wants
14:42anything. That person doesn't exist. And
14:44if he did, he would be unbearable.
14:47Cravings will still show up years from
14:49now. A song or a street or a Tuesday
14:51night will ring that bell and you'll
14:53feel it in your chest just like before.
14:55That is not failure and it is not
14:57evidence that nothing changed. What
14:59changes is the gap. The bell rings and
15:02instead of your body already moving,
15:04there's a space, a second, then five,
15:07then long enough to notice it, name it,
15:10watch it crest and fall and stay exactly
15:12where you are. You didn't get rid of the
15:14wanting. You stopped being its employee.
15:17And that space, that small, quiet gap
15:20between the signal and the response is
15:22the most valuable real estate a human
15:24being can own. Because in the end, every
15:27one of us is running on systems we did
15:28not design and did not consent to. You
15:31did not choose to have a brain that
15:33learns this way. You did not choose the
15:35environment that trained it or the night
15:37it first fired or how loud it got before
15:40anyone told you what was happening. None
15:42of that was a referendum on your worth.
15:44But what you do with the next ringing is
15:46yours and it stays yours and it never
15:48stops being yours no matter how many
15:50times you've answered before. Epictitus,
15:53who was born a slave and spent his life
15:55writing about freedom, put it plainly
15:572,000 years ago. No man is free who is
16:00not master of himself. He wasn't
16:02describing a man who feels no desire. He
16:04was describing a man who feels it fully
16:06and is still the one deciding. So of the
16:09four lies we went through today, which
16:11one does your mind tell you most often?
16:13just this once. I actually enjoy this.
16:15I'll stop when things calm down or the
16:18day is already ruined. Drop it in the
16:20comments and be honest because naming it
16:23out loud takes real power away from it.
16:25And if you saw yourself somewhere in
16:27this video, know that you are not weak
16:29and you are not alone. Millions of
16:31people are lying in the dark tonight
16:33answering the same bell, thinking
16:35they're the only one. If this gave you a
16:37clearer way to see what you've been
16:38fighting, hit like and share it with
16:40someone you know is quietly struggling
16:42with something they've never been able
16:44to say out loud. Your understanding
16:46today might be the exact thing that
16:47gives them a first honest look at it.
16:50Don't forget to subscribe so we can keep
16:51decoding the hidden mechanics of the
16:53mind together. Goodbye and see you next
16:56time.

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