Press Conference #minecraft #gaming — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Thank you all so much for being here
2. 0:01today. Look at this crowd. I HAVE NEVER
3. 0:03seen a crowd this big before. Look at
4. 0:04all these WONDERFUL PATRIOTIC LABORERS.
5. 0:06ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL COGS IN THE MACHINE.
6. 0:08Thank you all so much for being dirt
7. 0:09POOR SO THAT I COULD BE FILTHY RICH.
8. 0:13I WANTED TO ALSO thank you guys for
9. 0:15re-electing me as mayor after I was
10. 0:16wrongfully imprisoned for attempting to
11. 0:18lay siege to my own capital building.
12. 0:19Which not only is blatantly not true,
13. 0:21but come on guys, that doesn't even
14. 0:23sound like something I WOULD DO.
15. 0:26IN THE FEW YEARS I'VE BEEN IN OFFICE, WE
16. 0:27have turned this once poor pathetic
17. 0:29village into a powerhouse THE LIKES OF
18. 0:30WHICH THE world has never seen before.
19. 0:32When I was elected, THE WALL PROTECTING
20. 0:34OUR VILLAGE WAS SMALL and worthless,
21. 0:35making it easy for monsters to maneuver
22. 0:37around it and kill my hard working
23. 0:38villagers. So I gathered up the most
24. 0:40brilliant engineers my village had to
25. 0:41offer and together with the help of
26. 0:43millions of taxpayers' dollars, we made
27. 0:44the wall a whole ONE BLOCK TALLER,
28. 0:46TURNING OUR ONCE POOR DEFENSELESS
29. 0:48village into an impenetrable fortress.
30. 0:51Not only did we build A BIG MAGNIFICENT
31. 0:53WALL, BUT WE ALSO STRUCK FEAR IN THE
32. 0:55HEARTS OF OUR ENEMIES. A few years ago,
33. 0:57we took down one of the largest villager
34. 0:59operations in the world. Using our
35. 1:00highly advanced satellite systems, we
36. 1:02were able to track their leader's every
37. 1:03movement and found the location of the
38. 1:05fairy house he was staying in. I sent
39. 1:06him an email with a picture with his
40. 1:07house and he asked me, "Why, Energize,
41. 1:09why do you send me a picture of my
42. 1:10house?" And I told him, "Well, Jerry,
43. 1:12you're going to have to figure that one
44. 1:13out for yourself, buddy." Unfortunately,
45. 1:14Jerry found out a LITTLE TOO LATE.
46. 1:18BUT BY FAR OUR MOST IMPRESSIVE feat was
47. 1:20the military campaign I spearheaded just
48. 1:22a few weeks ago. Under my direction, the
49. 1:24military was mobilized and sent to a
50. 1:25nearby birch oak village. The village's
51. 1:27leader was an evil man that kills
52. 1:29thousands of my villagers every year due
53. 1:30to his illegal sugarcane empire. Not to
54. 1:32mention he's just sitting on some dope
55. 1:34ASS RESOURCES AND NOT DOING a thing
56. 1:35about it. His village could be rich
57. 1:37beyond his wildest dreams, but he
58. 1:38refuses to mine it. It's ridiculous. But
59. 1:41saving the poor villagers that live
60. 1:42under his tyrannical rule was the
61. 1:43primary goal of the operation, of
62. 1:45course.
63. 1:47The ambush was like nothing the world
64. 1:48had ever seen. In the span of just A FEW
65. 1:50MINUTES, OUR FORCES NOT ONLY COMPLETELY
66. 1:52OBLITERATED the birch oak village's
67. 1:54army, but they were also We were to find
68. 1:55their village's mayor and gently
69. 1:56persuaded him to come visit our great
70. 1:58nation, WHERE HE WILL ROT AWAY IN A
71. 2:00PRISON CELL FOR THE rest of HIS
72. 2:01MISERABLE LIFE.
73. 2:04IT HAS ALSO COME TO MY ATTENTION that
74. 2:05some of my villagers are WORRIED THAT I
75. 2:06MIGHT JUST GO AROUND YOINKING MAYORS AND
76. 2:08STUFFING THEM IN prison for fun now. So,
77. 2:10I just want to officially put those
78. 2:12worries to rest. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M
79. 2:14GOING TO DO. IN FACT, A LITTLE BIRDIE
80. 2:16JUST TOLD ME THAT WE HAVE a chopper
81. 2:17flying in with a mayor of the Savannah
82. 2:19Village. I got another PRESS CONFERENCE
83. 2:20RIGHT AFTER THIS ABOUT THAT, so we
84. 2:22really got to wrap this up. NOTCH
85. 2:23BLESS THE VILLAGE, NOTCH BLESS THE
86. 2:25VILLAGERS, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, NOTCH
87. 2:26BLESS ME BECAUSE WITHOUT ME, we would
88. 2:28have never made our village great again.