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Por qué a los Perfiles Exigentes les cuesta enamorarse | Un Vino con Pep Borrell — Transcript

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0:00Sex on the first date, yes or no?
0:03>> Man, if I believe you shouldn't have
0:04sex until you're married, how am I
0:05going to say you should have sex on the
0:06first date? Do you think you could fall
0:09in love with someone you weren't very
0:11physically attracted to? And now tell
0:13me, what does it mean to be
0:14incompatible in bed?
0:15>> That you don't like the same things,
0:16that there's no chemistry in bed,
0:17because in the end, there has to be
0:18some chemistry too, right?
0:20>> Whether you like it or not is a matter
0:22of practice, of years, of art, of grace
0:25, of love. I mean, I don't buy that
0:27expression at all. People tell me that
0:29all the time. We're changing the
0:30podcast. We're changing.
0:32>> The girls who might actually be a good
0:34fit for me are always emotionally
0:35unavailable.
0:36>> Well, that's a huge problem.
0:37>> That really sucks.
0:39>> The topic of self-love, of being okay
0:41yourself so you can be okay for others,
0:43it's true, but there's a very fine line
0:44between that and selfishness,
0:46narcissism, thinking only of myself and
0:47not wanting to think about others.
0:50Between the fact that people watch a
0:52lot of porn and that we men think women
0:54like the same sex we do, well, we often
0:56get it very wrong. Is love a feeling or
0:58is it a choice?
1:00>> Damn, we're getting some really good
1:01questions here, huh?
1:02>> You're a tough nut to crack, aren't you
1:04?
1:04>> Yeah. What do you think I need to
1:06change to meet someone worth it, or
1:08even someone I really like, who doesn't
1:10put up this barrier of "no, it's just
1:12that I don't like you" or "there's no
1:14spark"?
1:15>> That's a very difficult question. Do
1:16you want a million-dollar piece of
1:18advice? Hello everyone, and welcome to
1:23a new episode of "Un vino con." We're
1:26kicking off the second season with a
1:27guest I'm particularly excited about,
1:29Pep Burrey. How are you?
1:31>> Very well, thank you both.
1:33>> For accepting this invitation to "Un
1:35vino con" for this second season. I say
1:38I'm especially excited to do this
1:39podcast with you because I'd like to
1:40talk about different topics that, well,
1:42young people like me might be a bit
1:43concerned about, right? It's the topic
1:45of relationships, the topic of love;
1:48it's something that I think is quite
1:50present among young people and...Some
1:52podcasts I've done about this have had
1:54a great response, and many people have
1:57told me they really identify with how I
1:59feel about love. So, I wanted to do
2:01something like a kind of
2:02>> Whoa, we're starting off strong, aren't
2:05we? You, the message you gave me was to
2:07try and ask slightly different
2:08questions, right? Than what you're
2:11usually asked on podcasts; there are
2:12some very big podcasts, and that's what
2:13I wanted to do. But before we get into
2:15it, let's introduce you a bit. Who is
2:17Pep Burrey? How do you introduce
2:19yourself at a dinner or when meeting
2:21someone new?
2:22>> Look, since I have to introduce myself
2:24so often now, I always say I'm not a
2:25specialist in anything—I mean, I'm a
2:27dentist. It's important to say that
2:29because sometimes people ask, "Hey,
2:31you're a specialist in love," but who
2:32really is a specialist in love? It’s
2:35just a subject I’m passionate about,
2:37and that's why I talk about it and
2:39explain it, but because it's a subject
2:41I really love, not because I'm an
2:43expert. Because no—well, of course,
2:46there are experts like psychologists,
2:48psychiatrists, and therapists, but I
2:49talk about it based on what I live,
2:51what I read, my surroundings, and my
2:53years of experience. I always like to
2:57introduce myself, and I state it in
2:59this order: that I am Catholic, that
3:01I've been married to my wife Marsé for
3:0438 years, that we dated for 7 years,
3:06meaning we've been together for 41,
3:12>> that I am a father of five, have seven
3:14grandchildren, and that I am a medical
3:16dentist because I'm one of those
3:18old-school dentists who had to study
3:20medicine first,
3:23>> and I’m passionate about this topic,
3:25so since the pandemic, I’ve taken on
3:27a second job that I absolutely love,
3:29okay? Because at the age where you'd
3:32think, "Well, I'm going to start
3:34slowing down; I have children who are
3:36dentists, I'll take it easier," I now
3:38dedicate myself to giving talks all
3:40over the Hispanic world on dating and
3:42marriage, and I've written two books.
3:45>> Very good, those are some great numbers
3:47too. In fact, here we have one, "Novios
3:49100%," which you gave me without
3:50knowing if I had a partner or not,
3:52because this is aimed at an audience
3:53that is single, right? There’s one
3:55called "Bailar en la cocina" for
3:57married couples, and the other is "
3:58Novios 100%." Looking at the photo
4:00where I'm young, I said, "This guy is
4:02single," though you could perfectly
4:03well be married,
4:04>> but anyway.
4:05>> Well, it's a topic that people are also
4:07, I think, getting married quite a bit
4:09younger now, right? like the subject of
4:11getting married has returned a bit or
4:12or really if
4:13>> let's see, few people get married, few
4:15people get married, that's clear, and
4:17people still get married very old, but
4:19it is true that there is a significant
4:21change in the air,
4:23>> I mean, I see more and more young
4:25people committed, more young people who
4:27want to return, call it traditional,
4:29right? And everyone wants a marriage
4:31that lasts forever. Everyone, everyone
4:33wants that, whatever their situation
4:35may be,
4:36>> because otherwise it makes no sense at
4:37all. I mean, if you are in a
4:39relationship and things are good, what
4:41do you want? You want that to last
4:42forever. I mean, it's not a matter of
4:44obligation, it's a matter of enjoying
4:46love. Because I always say that
4:49marriage is not about enduring things,
4:51you know? The typical "just hang in
4:53there." Man, how great, 38 years, how
4:55tough, right? How are you managing to
4:57endure it? Eh, it's about enjoying it.
4:59We are designed for that.
5:00>> Very good. Well, let's go.
5:02>> And when you live it, you are happy.
5:03>> Yes. Totally. Well, let's toast to love
5:06, and I thank you again for accepting
5:09this wine.
5:16>> Very good, Pep. Well, a
5:17>> this has never happened to me before,
5:18eh? What,
5:19>> man, having a wine during the podcast
5:21is to help us loosen up, right?
5:23>> Yes, it's so you get the feeling like
5:24you're having a drink with a friend,
5:26right?
5:26>> Perfect.
5:27>> That's the idea: that it be...I don't
5:29usually prepare for podcasts, I don't
5:31usually have questions, a very
5:32structured script, because this format,
5:33well, comes a bit from where I've had
5:35the best conversations, which has
5:36always been, well, around a table with
5:38a wine, a dinner, good company, and it
5:39stems a bit from this, right? So, one
5:43of the worries of young people that I
5:45see most or encounter most is the issue
5:47of not knowing if they are going to
5:51fall in love, get married, find the
5:52love of their life, the project of
5:54their life, whatever you want to call
5:55it. This is something that worries me a
5:58bit because I am a profile where it's
6:00very hard for me to like someone, to
6:02like a girl, it's very hard for me. So,
6:04I’ve shared that with many followers
6:06who have replied to my podcast because
6:09they’ve seen clips or videos of me
6:11talking a bit about this, and they’ve
6:13told me they relate to it too. Why do
6:15you think this pattern happens where
6:17it's hard to really like someone?
6:19>> Because, clearly, it's because the
6:21world has become too small for you,
6:23because the possibilities are so
6:25infinite. Marriage is spoken of so
6:29poorly that you always think there has
6:32to be someone better. If you, I don't
6:36know, if you had been born in a town
6:38with 200 inhabitants, there would have
6:40been three potential partners your age.
6:42Do you see what I mean? And you, well,
6:45regardless of whether they were
6:46attractive or not, you would have had
6:48to choose among the three in town,
6:49because that’s what happened with our
6:51grandparents, and they all got married
6:52and were very happy. However, now the
6:55world has become small—I mean, now
6:57you fall for someone in your city, or
6:59when you're in high school you think,
7:01well, when I get to college, obviously
7:02I'll find many more. Then you go abroad
7:04, you do an exchange, you meet people
7:06from all over through social media, and
7:08between us talking badly about marriage
7:10—and sometimes we don't have good
7:11examples—everyone scares you: "Be
7:13careful, be careful, you have to find
7:14someone who thinks like you, who has a
7:16similar mindset," and so on. So it’s
7:18very difficult, it’s very difficult.
7:20And of course, you always think there
7:22could be a better one, because this
7:23happens to you physically or because of
7:25the girl’s personality. I’d say
7:28more than the personality, physically
7:30it is true that I have a prototype.
7:32>> But sometimes I’ve been more hooked
7:33on someone for how they are than for
7:35how they look.
7:35>> Have you met a girl you liked a lot
7:37physically, she attracted you, you
7:38talked to her, and while talking you
7:39said, "No."
7:41>> Yes, that’s what happens to me the
7:42most, I kind of get tired quite easily.
7:44I mean, a first encounter might be fine
7:46, but it’s true that I often don’t
7:48feel that spark, you know? Maybe I’ve
7:50only been in love once in my life.
7:51>> And would you be capable of falling in
7:52love? Do you think you would be capable
7:54of falling in love with someone who
7:56didn’t attract you much physically?
7:59>> I don’t think so.
8:00>> You don't think so? Uh,
8:02>> because I do think it matters.
8:03>> And would you be capable of giving it a
8:05chance?
8:05>> Yes,
8:05>> yes,
8:06>> yes. I mean, for example, say, a girl
8:08who doesn't attract you much, but she
8:09says, let's grab a drink.
8:10>> Yeah, but I'm very much about feelings.
8:12What I do need to see is a connection,
8:14and connection doesn't mean I find her
8:16super pretty, but that when we talk
8:19>> there's a vibe,
8:19>> there's a vibe, I like what you're
8:21telling me, I see you as an interesting
8:23, ambitious girl,
8:24>> many other things, but it's
8:25>> and do you set out to look for it or
8:27does it just happen?
8:29>> It happens for me now, but
8:30>> we're changing the podcast. This is
8:33dangerous, huh? No, look, it's harder
8:35for it to happen now. Sure. It's true,
8:38as you say, there are many options,
8:40right? But I'm not in an environment
8:42where I meet many girls in my
8:44day-to-day. In the end, my day-to-day
8:46is working, training, and not much else
8:48.
8:48>> This is a topic too, because the
8:51easiest time to start dating is during
8:54university. I say plus or minus two
8:56because I like to say something, right?
8:58But it's true because it's university
9:00age plus or minus two. I mean, there
9:02are people who started dating at 16, 17
9:03and you think, "Uh, how crazy." I
9:05started dating at 17 and got married,
9:07and I've been married for 38 years.
9:09There are a lot of people who dated
9:10when they were young, during university
9:12and plus or minus two. I mean, maybe
9:13you do a postgraduate degree, and so on
9:15. Why? Because it's the time when you
9:17meet the most people, more people in
9:19your same situation. So, of course, as
9:21soon as you start working, and if you
9:23start working hard, the possibility of
9:25meeting people and going out decreases
9:27a lot.
9:27>> So you're saying that the earlier you
9:29meet someone, the better for the
9:30relationship.
9:31>> Well, it depends. In these matters,
9:33there are no rules, I mean, two and two
9:35don't always make four. I mean, you
9:37could find one and that's it. The thing
9:39is, sometimes we are so demanding, or
9:41it's so hard for us, and as we get
9:43older, we become more...well, clearly
9:46we have more quirks, so it's much
9:48harder for us to find someone; because
9:50we like to train, because we like to
9:53work, because we're not up for going
9:55out anywhere right now. And so, of
9:57course, the possibilities of meeting
9:59people are limited. And think that for
10:01a person who has a vocation for
10:02marriage, which is the vast majority of
10:04us, it is the most important decision
10:06of your life. Without a doubt. People
10:10argue with me about this, but look, I
10:12am...I am totally convinced of this,
10:14because, because if things are going
10:17really well for you, professionally
10:19speaking, if things are going really
10:21well, well, I don't know, in every
10:23aspect of your life, well, not being
10:25able to share it is difficult; it’s
10:28much more difficult. It’s something,
10:32I mean, it’s like the icing on the
10:34cake when things are working out, and
10:36when they go wrong, having a man, a
10:38shoulder you can turn to or lean on,
10:41>> well, that is also very important.
10:43>> Man, I don't, I don't, I don't want to
10:44scare you, okay? No, no, no. I’m past
10:46being scared. By the way, I’m 29
10:48years old, I don’t think I’d
10:49mentioned that to you,
10:51>> but it is true that sometimes it’s
10:53scary to think, I’m turning 30 in,
10:54well, next year, right? And if I keep
10:58going like this, 33, 35, and I still
11:00haven't found someone to share my life
11:02with, with whom, as you say, is the
11:04most important decision of your life.
11:06And yes, when I’m 35, 36, 37, out of
11:08desperation I say, well, I’ll settle
11:10for this person, because in the end it
11:12can happen, right?
11:13>> That is a problem. More for girls, much
11:15more for girls, because girls your age,
11:18at 29, at 30, the 30-year barrier for
11:20girls is a barrier that makes you more
11:22nervous.
11:23>> Well, because, obviously, because of
11:24the topic of motherhood, especially
11:26because of the topic of motherhood,
11:27right? So, we are in a society where we
11:30both go full throttle, where we both
11:31study hard, where men and women, well,
11:33we start businesses and we work and do
11:34postgraduate degrees, and then, well, "
11:36I'll find someone later, I'll find
11:38someone later, I'll find someone later,
11:39" and that’s very clear: that we men
11:41have, call it an advantage or whatever
11:43you want, but you can fall in love with
11:44a 20-year-old and the 20-year-old's
11:46father, at first, might be shocked, but
11:48there’s no problem. Do you see what I
11:50mean? And you’re 9 years, 10 years,
11:5112 years apart, the other way around,
11:53it’s much more difficult. It’s
11:54possible, possible. It’s everything.
11:56It’s everything. I mean, individual
11:58cases are everything. But a girl of 30,
12:0130, 31, 32, meeting fewer people, often
12:04what you said happens: that the bar you
12:07had set so high, with so many demands,
12:09you lower it to the ground, and that's
12:12why it's important to have a few things
12:15that are very important.
12:18>> How so? Well, instead of having many,
12:21many, uh, many tips, I mean, I want my
12:23girlfriend to be like this, like this,
12:25like this, like this, look, I want her
12:28to be this, I don't know, whatever you
12:30think is important, right? I mean, I
12:33don't know, that she is a very
12:35responsible person, that she is a
12:36believer, that she is a person who is,
12:39well, very family-oriented or not, I
12:41don't know, I don't know, just two or
12:43three things, right? But if you start
12:46setting many conditions, then of course
12:47, the pool is limited. Right, you're
12:49referring to the typical checklist that
12:51people make, I need her to be this,
12:53this, that, that,
12:54>> which in principle is good, hey, I'm a
12:56fan of making checklists,
12:57>> but of course, you have to make a
12:58checklist because we can dream whatever
13:00we want, right?
13:01>> Totally.
13:02>> But, but you have to lower them, and
13:04for example, well, physical appearance
13:05is one of the first things to start
13:07lowering because, well, because with
13:09the years we also change and people who
13:10might be very pretty and attractive
13:12when young, well, when they're older
13:14they're ugly, and vice versa.
13:15>> Maybe achieve it sooner, right? No, and
13:17vice versa. And vice versa. And this
13:18happens a lot with girls. There are
13:20girls, I remember perfectly some
13:21friends of mine who were plain and now
13:23they are stunning women, you know?
13:25>> I mean, yes, because, well, because
13:26with time one dresses up and takes care
13:28of themselves and pure water. And yet
13:30guys of our, I don't know, of my age,
13:33men of my age who, man, all of them are
13:36like very bald and very fat, the vast
13:38majority, you know? So it is evident
13:42that it has to catch your eye, because
13:43attraction and falling in love are
13:44feelings and you cannot say I'm going
13:46to fall in love. You told me that
13:48before. I fell in love once, you say,
13:50but no, you can never say I'm going to
13:52fall in love, you just fall in love. So
13:54, what you have to do is put yourself
13:55in a situation to fall in love. That is
13:57indeed very important.
13:58>> Right.
13:59>> And how do you put yourself in a
14:00situation to fall in love? Well, first
14:01by knowing what type of woman you like.
14:03What type of woman do you like? Uh, not
14:05not specific things, but in general. In
14:06general, knowing where women of that
14:09type might hang out and moving in those
14:11circles. If you like opera, it's hard
14:14to find someone who likes opera at a
14:17reggaeton concert. You might find one,
14:19yes, but it’s harder. It’s harder.
14:21So, what should you do? Well, you have
14:23to go to opera concerts. And if
14:24you’ve already tapped out the Liceu
14:25in Barcelona, then you have to go to
14:27Madrid. And if not in Madrid, well, if
14:29you can, go to Paris, I don't know, or
14:32whatever, but you shouldn't worry. But
14:34I think you do have to take action.
14:36>> There are many times people say, "Ah,
14:38no, no, no." But, but it happens. And
14:41when you talk like this, well, we're
14:42talking like this with wine now, but
14:44thousands of people see us, but when
14:45you talk like this everyone tells you,
14:47"Wow, I’d love that." I mean, maybe
14:50I'm fine because I enjoy myself a lot,
14:52I have a job, I bought a great car, uh,
14:54I travel, I do what I want, but when
14:57you talk like this in private they tell
14:59you, "Wow, I would love that."
15:01>> And sometimes you miss it, too. In the
15:03end, I've been single for about three
15:05or four years now, but there are
15:06moments where I say, "Well, I would
15:08like to have a steady partner." And
15:11mind you, I’m very solitary and do a
15:12lot of plans alone. Look, without going
15:14further, the other day I saw a quote
15:16that says, "If you're able to spend the
15:1824th, 25th, and 31st alone, you're a
15:19very strong person." And just last year
15:21, New Year's Eve, I spent it alone at
15:23home because I wanted to, uh, it was my
15:24choice.
15:25>> And I enjoyed it a lot in my own way.
15:26It means I don't need anyone to be
15:28happy, but it is true that being
15:30accompanied by some, by someone, doing
15:32the same plans, having the same tastes,
15:34all those things I think add a lot and
15:36sharing is is much better than spending
15:38it alone, right? That's why there are
15:40times when I say, well look, maybe I do
15:41feel like falling in love again, right?
15:43>> Yes. It's not really about whether you
15:45feel like it or not; it's about finding
15:48it, crossing paths, that "wow" moment,
15:50you know? So it will happen, yeah? And
15:52it’s sure to happen to you, yeah? I
15:54mean, we’ll meet in 3 years and
15:56I’ll see you with a little kid there,
15:58no, for sure. I mean, this happens to
16:01everyone, yeah?
16:02>> Of course, man. Men, you're 29. Stay
16:05very calm, very calm. But, but, but I
16:07always tell people don't stress, but
16:10stay alert. I mean, don't worry, but
16:12take care of the matter. I mean, stay
16:14aware; when you meet people, when
16:15people are introduced to you, value
16:17that possibility. Don't say, "No, no,
16:19no, I don't want to now, I have too
16:21much work, no, I'll get tied up,"
16:22because trains pass when they pass, and
16:24when they do, you have to catch them.
16:26And a very typical expression from
16:28seasoned people who are single, very
16:30seasoned, past 40, is, "How I regret
16:32not having worked on a relationship
16:34that I know could have succeeded."
16:36Typical. It's a typical expression from
16:39many people who write to me, so many,
16:40right?
16:41>> They say, "No, I found a little flaw,
16:42or this or that, because I was thinking
16:44too much about myself, I wasn't
16:45thinking about others." And then they
16:47regret it. So, don't worry, but be
16:50attentive. Any occasion can be an
16:52occasion for success, right? The
16:54subject.
16:55>> But being selfish is also important to
16:57have self-love and sometimes to put
16:59yourself...
17:00>> Well, this is a huge topic. This is a
17:02huge topic, yeah, this is a huge topic.
17:03The subject of self-love, of being okay
17:05yourself in order to be okay for others
17:06. It's true, but there's a very fine,
17:09very fine line between that and
17:10selfishness, narcissism, thinking only
17:12of me and not wanting to think about
17:14others. Because often, by giving
17:16yourself to others, you stop thinking
17:18about yourself and you are much happier
17:21. I mean, we often get very stressed
17:23because we think too much about
17:24ourselves and what I’m missing and
17:26what I’m not missing and how I feel
17:28and don't feel. And when you have three
17:29small children, I tell you that you
17:31forget to think about yourself. Do you
17:32know what I mean? I mean, you forget
17:34because you have to work your tail off,
17:36but not to buy a car, but to pay for
17:38school or pay the mortgage. But it's a
17:41very happy way of living, albeit a
17:42different one, obviously. And the
17:44problem we sometimes have is that those
17:45of us who are married haven't known how
17:47to convey this. And so I think this is
17:49like a, like a pending task for those
17:52of us who are married, right? To convey
17:55that it is worth being married, that it
17:56is worth it. I mean, let everyone do
17:58what they want, because there will be
17:59someone who will tell you they are
18:01single and very happy, they are 50
18:02years old, okay? But those of us who
18:04are married and have lived it, well, we
18:06have to convey the idea that you can be
18:08married and be very happy, be very
18:09happy and keep grinding away to pay for
18:11schools, do you follow me? But it gives
18:14you a lot of satisfaction because
18:16happiness is loving and being loved,
18:17it's not just receiving, but giving and
18:19receiving, right?
18:22>> So now we talk too much about "I don't
18:23feel good," and "since I'm not doing
18:25well, I won't be ready to love another
18:27person." And it's true, if you're a
18:29wreck you can't, I mean, first you have
18:31to be okay. But what does it mean to be
18:33okay nowadays? I mean, the vast
18:36majority, those who are going to listen
18:38to us, well, I don't know, they have a
18:40bed and turn a handle and hot water
18:41comes out and, I don't know, you can go
18:43grab something to eat and most of them
18:45work. Exactly, we live in a society
18:48that we are very accustomed to comfort.
18:50>> Yes.
18:50>> And we want everything and more. And
18:52when you have something, you want the
18:53next thing. And when there is no end,
18:56>> basically,
18:56>> materially speaking, there is no end.
18:59And, returning a bit to the subject of
19:01relationships, one of the problems I
19:03think I have most, and that I've been
19:05told most, I've been going to therapy
19:07for 11 years now and more people who
19:09have more or less seen the podcast and
19:11know a little about me have told me, eh
19:12, it's one of the problems I have,
19:14which is that I like a prototype of a
19:16girl who is emotionally unavailable.
19:20And the "emotionally unavailable" thing
19:22is...it's very easy: an emotionally
19:24unavailable girl means, well, a girl
19:26who, for example, eh, is going through
19:28a stage where she can't or doesn't want
19:30to meet someone; well, it's like I'm
19:32drawn to that girl, a girl, for example
19:34, who has a partner. It’s not that
19:37I’m attracted to a girl who has a
19:38partner, but it’s a type that catches
19:40my attention—not because she has a
19:41partner, but because there’s
19:42something that makes me say: "She
19:43catches my eye and then I find out she
19:45has a partner and I say: damn, oh well.
19:46" But it’s like a type where the
19:49girls who might actually be a fit for
19:51me are always emotionally unavailable.
19:54>> Well, that’s a huge problem.
19:56>> That really sucks. This is a huge
19:57problem. It's a huge problem, you know?
19:59>> For sure. Uh,
20:00>> but man, it doesn't have to be like
20:01that, come on. It really doesn't have
20:03to be that way. Sure, it depends on the
20:04circles you move in and the people you
20:06meet.
20:06>> Exactly,
20:07>> exactly. No, but it doesn't have to be
20:09like that. I mean, it just so happened
20:11to be that way for you.
20:12>> It just so happened.
20:13>> Sure, but you find a person attractive,
20:15then you know they have a partner. Damn
20:16, man, well that's off-limits.
20:18>> It's not necessarily that, but it can
20:20happen, or I don't know, whatever. But
20:22what can I tell you? I think that
20:26falling in love just comes to you and
20:28you find it when you find it, and all
20:31you have to do is be aware, keep your
20:33eyes open, worry less, not have massive
20:36expectations, and just be calm, live
20:38life calmly.
20:39>> Hm. But then again, it’s also a bit
20:42—I use bad language too, okay? It’s
20:45a real pain because there are times
20:47when it’s happened to me that a girl
20:49who was perfect for me in theory, could
20:51be my ideal type, is emotionally
20:53available and wants to get to know me
20:55and wants more. I don't know why, but
20:58there's something about her that
20:59doesn't quite click for me. It's like,
21:01she's a girl, for example, she's
21:03perfect, she treats me super well,
21:04she's affectionate, uh, in theory she's
21:06everything I ask for in a woman, but
21:07she doesn't have that—
21:09>> Does this happen to you early on or
21:11after quite a while?
21:12>> Right? By the second or third date I
21:14already, I already see it, you know? By
21:16the second or third date, that's tough
21:18to deal with, huh?
21:18>> I know, I already told you it was a
21:20tough case.
21:21>> I already told you I wasn't a therapist
21:22, you know? I mean, I don't know, I
21:24know, I know, I know. There’s no
21:26expert here, just two people talking
21:28about their experiences.
21:29>> Well, but I think what is good is to
21:31know, I mean, I think, I don't know,
21:32surely they tell you this in therapy,
21:34right? That it's good to know what's
21:36happening to you and what you can do so
21:38it stops happening, do you follow me? I
21:40mean, don't get stuck in a loop of "
21:42this always happens to me,""I'm like
21:43this,""I'm never going to find anyone,"
21:45right? Life is like that, it's very
21:48varied and so the day you least expect
21:50it, that's why it's important to move,
21:52to get out and make plans. If you
21:55always do the same things, you'll get
21:57the same, I mean, you're not going to
21:59meet anyone, right?
22:00>> And so also give people opportunities,
22:02I mean, give opportunities to go out
22:04and get a drink. Well, like you say,
22:06the success of a first date is setting
22:08up a second one. I always tell people
22:10this, "Hey, I met someone through this
22:12or that on social media, so I'm going
22:13to meet them," and I say, "No, don't
22:15worry, don't stress." I mean, the first
22:17date is about being able to set up a
22:19second. That is the success of the
22:21first date, because many times on a
22:22first date you already see, "I don't
22:23like his way of being or thinking." And
22:26another thing I really like to insist
22:28on is that non-verbal language in
22:29dating is extremely important.
22:32>> I mean, what isn't said in words, but
22:33what is seen, is very important, right?
22:36>> That's why you have to live out your
22:37dating life. Um, what my friend Jokin
22:42de Irala says, who is someone who
22:43really is a specialist on the subject,
22:45is that you have to live the clover. He
22:48says that you have to spend time alone,
22:50obviously, because you need to get to
22:52know each other and talk and such, but
22:53you have to spend a lot of time with
22:55many people to know what the other
22:57person is like in other situations; I
22:58mean, with their coworkers, or I don't
23:00know, at a soccer game, at their house,
23:02with young children, with waiters. And
23:06then he says that you really get to
23:08know people when both of you in the
23:10relationship sign up to do good. I mean
23:14, both of you sign up for some
23:15volunteer work, something that demands
23:17something of you, something where you
23:18stop thinking about yourself or the
23:20other person to think about others,
23:21right? In a soup kitchen, in a parish,
23:23in an NGO, whatever it is,
23:26>> whatever you can do, whatever you all
23:27can do, right? But he says it’s a
23:28very good way to get to know people,
23:30right? Well, there’s another,
23:32there’s another book that I love, I
23:33highly recommend it, this one titled
23:35Why
23:36>> Many Will Fail or why others—it’s a
23:38complicated title—Why Others Will
23:40Fail in Love, But You Won't?
23:44>> Okay,
23:45>> it’s a book, no, no, you buy it and
23:47it’s a small book, Miguel Ángel
23:49Martín Cárdaba. Okay.
23:50>> And when you start reading it, it kind
23:52of shocks you a bit, right? And so he
23:54says, for example, he says that for him
23:57the two most important things for
23:59choosing a partner are that they are
24:02responsible and emotionally balanced.
24:06You think, you know? Of course, because
24:09there’s so much at stake, you know?
24:11And sometimes we just start dating
24:13someone because, wow, because they're
24:15very attractive, because we share, we
24:17train together and they also train
24:19really well and because they like, I
24:21don't know, the same profession as me
24:23or I don't know, or the same hobbies,
24:25right? And so, well, I don't know, you
24:28have a lot of sex, you travel a lot,
24:30you have a great time, you enjoy
24:32yourself a lot, but you don't touch on
24:34the important topics because every time
24:36we do, we argue. And so, of course,
24:40since I don't, since I like her and it
24:42took me a long time to find a
24:43girlfriend I liked, she checks all the
24:45boxes; so let's keep having a good time
24:47and, since you're having a good time,
24:49you think you're always going to have a
24:51good time. And that is the problem with
24:54couples and marriages. Often, look,
24:56this, without drifting off, I mean,
24:59this weekend I was at a talk. When it
25:02ended, a couple came up, both of them,
25:04and they told me, "Look, we both have
25:06different ways of thinking about
25:07responsible parenthood, I mean, having
25:09children, not having them." And we
25:12argue a lot. And we’ve been, I don't
25:16know, I think they said 4 years of
25:17dating and we like each other, I mean,
25:19we're both good, but about this, we
25:21argue a lot. Leave it, it’s really
25:27heavy, right? 4 years together, I mean,
25:29emotionally speaking, it's good. You
25:33both feel good, you both have a good
25:35time, you like each other, you work out
25:37, you travel, you enjoy—okay, but
25:39it’s a fundamental issue, an issue
25:41that life will inevitably bring up.
25:44I’m not saying you have to think one
25:46way or another, but you have to agree.
25:49And this happens in so many couples,
25:52>> 100%. where there are topics they don't
25:55touch because if we do we’ll argue,
25:57and if there are fundamental life
25:58topics you don't touch, that will, I
26:01mean, that will lead to problems. And
26:03it's an issue, yeah, because like you
26:05said, it happened to me with my first
26:08partner; I dragged out the breakup
26:10because I felt a bit of pity in a way,
26:12I wanted to prolong it so I wouldn't
26:14hurt her. And I think that happens to a
26:16lot of people who don't dare take the
26:18step to leave their partner so they
26:19don't hurt them because she really is a
26:21good girl, it's fine, but it’s
26:23because people are living out romances
26:25that are just marriages. Exactly,
26:26what’s the difference? Nothing, just
26:28that there aren't any papers, but on
26:29the contrary, only the good stuff. You
26:31only live the good, you don't live the
26:33bad. So it’s hard to leave because,
26:35also, sexually speaking, if you have a
26:37lot of sex, you are physically joined,
26:39I mean, physiologically speaking.
26:41There’s oxytocin there, in spades,
26:43which is what binds a marriage, right?
26:45It’s designed to bind that. So it is
26:47very difficult to leave it. I mean, I
26:49have so many people I tell, "You have
26:50to break up with them." And they can't,
26:52they can't leave them, they just can't.
26:55>> Speaking of this and returning to the
26:57subject of the first date, what’s
26:58your opinion? Sex on the first date,
27:01yes or no?
27:03>> Man, if my opinion is that you
27:04shouldn't have sex until you’re
27:05married, how could I think you should
27:06have sex on the first date? Right,
27:15>> for me, no, but no, obviously not; even
27:17if it wasn't from a Catholic point of
27:19view—because I don't only say it from
27:21a Catholic point of view—I think
27:22that’s precisely the problem. I often
27:27think, I think the problem with society
27:29is two things in general. I’m going
27:32out on a limb here—I mean, look, this
27:33is open to criticism because there will
27:34be people who say, "Who does this guy
27:36think he is, some kind of Messiah or
27:37what?" But we have cast God out of
27:39society. And we play with love, and
27:42love is not to be played with. And
27:44notice that most of the problems we
27:46have revolve around these things. If I
27:50saw young people living their sexuality
27:51the way they do and being very happy,
27:53I’d say, "Pep, go to sleep." I always
27:55say it like this. I say, "Look, Pep,
27:56you’ve done well, but what you’re
27:58talking about is outdated," yet more
27:59and more young people tell me, "I want
28:01to live the way you have lived." I want
28:03a marriage that lasts forever. In other
28:06words, I want to go in this direction,
28:08but I’m living in the opposite one,
28:09and it’s costing me a lot because
28:11that’s just how it is. And by that
28:15logic, you said, "You’re very
28:17Catholic; you don’t approve of sex
28:19without marriage.""Asking out of
28:21ignorance, eh,"
28:23>> what happens if, for example, you are
28:25with a partner for 5 or 10 years, you
28:27don’t have sexual relations, you get
28:29married, and you see that you are
28:31incompatible in bed, but you are
28:33already married? Catholics. Well, very
28:35good. And now tell me, what does it
28:36mean to be incompatible in bed?
28:39>> That you don’t like the same things,
28:40that there is no chemistry in bed,
28:41because in the end there has to be some
28:42chemistry, right?
28:44>> That there is no chemistry or that you
28:45physically cannot have relations. If
28:48you physically cannot have relations,
28:49that marriage is null. Whether you like
28:52it or not is a matter of practice, of
28:55years, of art, of grace, of love. I
28:59mean, that expression doesn’t fly
29:01with me. They don’t always tell me,
29:03but it doesn’t fly. It doesn’t fly
29:05because, furthermore, I get married for
29:07better or for worse, in sickness and in
29:09health. I get married no matter what
29:11happens to you, no matter what happens
29:14to us. And that doesn’t mean a cold;
29:16that means Alzheimer’s at 43, like a
29:18friend of mine is going through. And I
29:20will love her, and he loves her, and he
29:21sold everything, and all he does is
29:23take care of his wife; he combs her
29:24hair, puts on her makeup, he learned
29:26how to put on her makeup, and...and she
29:27doesn't know him. Because I got married
29:30for better or for worse. If I marry for
29:32better or for worse, in sickness and in
29:34health, what do I need to test? What do
29:38I need to test? What I have to do is
29:40know myself very well. And if I know
29:42myself very well, sex isn't here, right
29:43? Sex is here, and besides, sex for men
29:46and sex for women is experienced very
29:48differently, and that's a huge problem
29:50we're living with today. Um, between
29:53people watching a lot of porn and us
29:55men thinking that women like the same
29:57kind of sex we do, well, we're often
29:59way off base because many girls tell
30:01you, "I don't like that.""I don't like
30:03being pinned down.""Maybe one day, but
30:05I don't like it.""I like it when they
30:07tell me they love me in the morning,
30:09give me a gift at noon, caress me in
30:11the afternoon, and when we have a
30:12relationship, we start touching each
30:14other three hours before." And that's
30:16just how it is, and there are many men
30:17who don't understand this, right? So,
30:19the issue of whether you're compatible
30:22or not is more a matter of love, a
30:24matter of the mind, of feeling, of
30:26talking about it, of talking about it.
30:30Because you think that the person
30:31you're compatible with in the early
30:33flings of dating, when you're young and
30:35feel fantastic, will always be that way
30:37. No, no, because that woman will reach
30:40menopause and won't feel like having
30:42sex as often. We think with a 25-
30:45year-old mindset. When we're 65, what
30:47will happen? Well, my sexual
30:50relationships nowadays are better than
30:52when I was 30. They're less frequent,
30:55but they're better. They're different,
30:57but they're better.
30:58>> Why? Because, because of that, because
31:00they're more in the mind. And today I
31:02know what works, what doesn't, in what
31:04way, what day, in what situations, when
31:06; these things you learn over the years
31:08. I always speak like this and I have
31:11to be careful, right? But what do I
31:12have to be careful about? If you give
31:14me drinks, maybe I'm a bit more
31:15restrained, it's nothing because it's
31:16typical for me to go out with friends
31:17and have a few drinks, you know, but I
31:19don't say it because sometimes when I
31:20say things it sounds like I'm being
31:21authoritarian, right? "What is this guy
31:23saying?" But, but I say it because I've
31:25lived it and I've been very happy, and
31:27I know that people...I mean, the church
31:29doesn't just say it, it's not just some
31:31guy saying it, it's a matter of natural
31:33law, but they don't do it to annoy
31:35anyone. I mean, when you live like this
31:39, you’re truly, truly happy, because,
31:41well, because we believe that God
31:43created us man and woman, he created us
31:45man and woman, and that when we unite
31:47in a sexual relationship, we are the
31:49image of God. And so, for me, that is
31:52sacred. I mean, it’s not that I can't
31:54have relations before marriage because
31:56it's forbidden. I don't have relations
31:58before marriage because, to me, they
32:00are sacred, because it is the maximum,
32:02the maximum, the maximum level of
32:04intimacy between two bodies. So, I
32:06can’t have the same level of intimacy
32:08with someone I met out partying tonight
32:10as I would with someone I see every day
32:12at the office, for us to be clear. I
32:14mean, there is a gradation of intimacy.
32:16There’s one I’ll shake hands with,
32:19another I’ll give a hug, another
32:20I’ll give a kiss, and for my partner,
32:22I will give my whole being to just one
32:24person with whom I will become one. And
32:27that is a guarantee, in quotes, because
32:29there will be someone for whom it
32:31didn't go well, obviously, but that
32:32helps you a lot.
32:34>> And that is something that also
32:36destroys many hearts, and many hearts,
32:38especially girls 'hearts. There are
32:40many girls who tell you, "I felt used."
32:43I mean, I thought he really loved me,
32:45Pep, that he looked at me differently,
32:47really, we had been talking for several
32:49days, not on the first date, but on the
32:51fifth, do you see what I mean? I really
32:54thought he loved me, and so on, but all
32:56he wanted was sex, and they feel
32:58crushed. It’s obvious.
33:01>> How do all movies work nowadays? All of
33:03them. Well, they work just like you
33:05said. I mean, inevitably, they sleep
33:07together the first night, and if
33:08anything, tomorrow we’ll start
33:09getting to know each other. And
33:11that’s every movie, whether they're
33:13good or bad; some are more explicit and
33:15in others it’s implied, but they do
33:17it. I mean, you cross paths at work,
33:19you agree to have dinner, then you drop
33:21her off at her door, you look at each
33:23other blushingly, and then, either
33:24things get heated or you just see them
33:26waking up together the next day. It’s
33:28always. And so this, bam, bam, bam, bam
33:31. And there are many times when many
33:33young people tell you, "Hey, look, I
33:35don't know if I should date this guy or
33:37what, but well, we've kissed, we've
33:38slept together." Well, but you've slept
33:40together, but you're not dating. I mean
33:41, you know, you doubt where they really
33:43are. And you have to say things with
33:45words because the heart suffers a lot
33:48from these things and you know it, you
33:50know it,
33:51>> you know it.
33:52>> When you wake up the next day and you
33:53think, look, you’re so hungover and
33:55you think, damn, what happened here,
33:57you know? Or the other way around. A
33:58ton of people have told me this has
34:00happened to them,
34:01>> you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:03>> Party, whatever, it's great, going out,
34:05plus at night all cats are gray and all
34:07that, the next day, ugh, what is it?
34:09Who is it? You know?
34:11>> And you gave them your whole self.
34:13>> Yeah. Let’s open another can of worms
34:15. Let’s see what you think about this
34:16one. I think I’ve seen some clips and
34:17let's see what you think about it.
34:20Let’s talk about exes and whether you
34:22can really be friends with your ex or
34:24not.
34:26>> First I’d like to know your opinion.
34:28And then we’ll debate this topic a
34:30bit. Exes. Can you be friends with an
34:32ex?
34:33>> This wine is good, huh?
34:34>> Yes.
34:35>> Is it an ad or not?
34:36>> No, no. You buy this one. You buy this
34:38one. Uh, yeah. I like it a lot.
34:40>> It’s a brand that
34:41>> I make jokes about this wine thing.
34:44Really. About wine being for show or
34:45whatever. Don't give me cheap boxed
34:47wine, okay? Emilio Moro isn't—it's
34:50not an ad, but it's a wine I really
34:52like and it's a winery I like.
34:54>> Well, let’s see, look. You know what
34:58happens? That friendships, man, woman,
35:01outside of marriage and with an ex,
35:05that really is a conflictive topic,
35:06it's a huge can of worms. Uh, I give
35:08pre-marriage courses and this is when
35:10we talk about this in the parish, it's
35:11always when there's the most activity,
35:13I don't know, whatever, right? Because
35:15>> many opinions, right?
35:15>> Yes, yes. Because people say, "Man, of
35:17course, I'm going to keep having my
35:18close friend and such." Would you think
35:20it’s okay if your 52-year-old father
35:22goes out on Thursday with a close
35:23female friend he’s had since they
35:25were young? And one person tells you, "
35:28Yeah, go ahead, go ahead." But then
35:29over the years people don't do it. I
35:32think evidently you should be on
35:33friendly terms with everyone, and when
35:35you break up it's very important to
35:37leave things on good terms. This is a
35:39very, very, I mean, the famous ghosting
35:41thing, but in general people also
35:43interpret ghosting when it's not
35:45ghosting, you know? I mean, a girl
35:46you've talked to for two days and you
35:47stop talking to her, she thinks you've
35:48already ghosted her. But well, it costs
35:50us nothing to be polite, I mean, to
35:52break it off properly, be polite, and
35:54if the friendship is lost, if the
35:55friendship is lost because we can't be
35:57friends, because we tried to be a
35:58couple and it didn't work out, well hey
36:00, it's no big deal. I mean, you
36:02shouldn't force situations that don't
36:03work out. I mean, not that I'm not
36:06going to try dating this person because
36:08we're great friends and if it doesn't
36:10go well we'll lose the friendship, man.
36:12But you have a lot to gain and to lose
36:14regarding the friendship. Well, yeah,
36:15you're taking a risk. I mean, it could
36:18be everything. It's also true that
36:20often it's easier for the girl to be
36:22friends and for the man to fall in love
36:24. It's risky, when you're married, to
36:29have intimate friends of the opposite
36:31sex with whom you vent when you have
36:33problems at work or at home, because it
36:35could be that he also has problems and
36:38you both vent very well to each other
36:40and...I mean, I don't know. It's not
36:44always black and white, but for me,
36:45it's an important line to respect.
36:48>> What do you think? The thing is, I'm
36:51not the best example, Pep, because my
36:53ex-girlfriend, who we were together for
36:55two and a half years, is now one of my
36:57best friends.
36:58>> Well, does she have a boyfriend? And
37:00does she have a boyfriend?
37:01>> No, she doesn't have a boyfriend.
37:02>> Uh oh, this is going to end well.
37:06You'll cut this part.
37:07>> No, no, of course not. Of course not.
37:08Ah, I'm going to explain it to you.
37:09>> Well, the thing is I'm a big fan of
37:12this, of breaks. I'm a big fan
37:14>> because there are more and more breaks,
37:16>> I mean, people who break up and even
37:19time passes and then they realize that
37:21it really was the one.
37:23>> Are you saying I'm going to get back
37:25with my ex?
37:25>> Well, if you like it and the other
37:27person does too, well, I'd be happy,
37:28>> right? Look, I'm going to tell you,
37:30>> man. Neither of you has a partner and
37:32you're both single and you're good
37:34friends, so, why not? I'm going to tell
37:37you the story a bit, sort of in broad
37:38strokes, so you understand the
37:40situation a little. It's a specific
37:42profile, she's 10 years older than me,
37:44okay? So that’s one of the reasons we
37:46broke up, because in the end we were
37:48looking for different things, we were
37:50at different points in our lives, and
37:52little by little, the love faded. That
37:54was like the main reason. What happened
37:55? That we ended on good terms. It ended
37:58, yes, but we ended well. And at 6
37:59months there was no zero contact. And
38:01then little by little we started
38:03talking, and well, we made some plans
38:05together, saw that we got along very
38:07well, and that we kept the beautiful
38:08part, right? Which is that friendship,
38:10because just because the love ends
38:12doesn't mean the friendship has to end,
38:14right? And well, I don't know, it's
38:16like we have very similar profiles, we
38:18laugh at the same things, together,
38:20well, we've decided to continue with
38:22the friendship. Forgive me, this is a
38:24bit of an intimate question, but do you
38:26think that the age difference, her
38:28being 10 years older, is an
38:30insurmountable issue?
38:32>> Huh? No, no, it's not insurmountable,
38:34it doesn't matter that she's 10 years
38:36older, no, it wouldn't be
38:37insurmountable. I mean, the other way
38:39around, surely it doesn't matter, but,
38:40but
38:41>> with her being 10 years older,
38:42>> 10 years older, I mean, she's already
38:4439, right? Yes.
38:45>> Uh,
38:45>> yes,
38:47>> of course.
38:48>> For me, it wasn't a problem when I
38:49started getting to know her. I started
38:51knowing her when I was 24, she must
38:53have been 23, 24 more or less.
38:55>> 24, 34.
38:56>> Yes,
38:57>> also. Yes,
38:58>> no, I also think the difference is a
39:00social issue
39:01>> and it's also very much marked by the
39:02topic that always defines a
39:04relationship, especially regarding
39:05women, which is the topic of motherhood
39:07,
39:08>> which is an important topic, although
39:10when you are very in love and you don't
39:11want to see it, you say, "No, I like
39:13her a lot. She’s 34, but she looks
39:16like she’s 24, we’re very much the
39:18same, right? It’s fine, and it seems
39:20perfectly fine because it’s a social
39:21issue, uh,
39:22>> but it is a topic that is there, that
39:24is currently burning, do you see what I
39:25mean? These are topics that need to be
39:27discussed very well, they need to be
39:28discussed a lot. The important thing
39:30for couples is always that we talk a
39:32lot, and for spouses and married people
39:34, that we talk a lot, a lot, a lot, a
39:35lot, and that we take advantage of
39:37every life situation to talk. I mean,
39:39the main symptom that a courtship isn't
39:41going well is that they don't have
39:42anything to talk about. If, if you
39:44don't have anything to talk about, a
39:45couple, especially a couple, doesn't
39:47have anything to talk about, that's bad
39:48, I mean, I'm not saying you have to be
39:50talking all day. People also say," Well
39:51, I see married couples who go to a
39:53restaurant and they're both quiet
39:54looking at their phones. "Okay, sure,
39:56but maybe, I don't know, we have an
39:58empty nest at home now, what they call
40:00the empty nest deal, right? The crisis.
40:02And we're already alone all day, we
40:04talk all day long. When you go to a
40:05restaurant, well maybe we don't even
40:06take our phones out at the table, you
40:07know? But in general, it's normal to
40:09just be watching people and talking
40:11less, I mean, we're very quick to judge
40:13others, right?
40:14>> But a couple that has no topic of
40:16conversation, that is a red flag, it's
40:18a very important symptom. And, and what
40:20I was saying, breaks, I think they're
40:22great because of that, because, also,
40:24now the market, I mean, the market
40:26sounds bad, right? I mean, the
40:28possibilities of finding a girlfriend
40:30or boyfriend are so immense. It's like
40:32when you go to a restaurant and they
40:34bring you a menu with 800 dishes, you
40:35know? You want everything and you look
40:37and you say," Wow, this one, wow, this
40:38one too. Oh, this one too. "Apps are
40:40the same. I mean, you keep swiping like
40:42this, but oh, I like this one more and
40:43this one even more. And of course, then
40:46it makes, that the excess of options
40:48limits your ability to decide, right?
40:52And so you break up because you think
40:54you're going to go to New York and
40:55you'll find someone, well, amazing, and
40:57then when you're in New York, you see
40:59that you really liked the other one a
41:01lot. That's why it's very important
41:02when relationships end. This is really
41:04important, okay? Never speak ill of the
41:06person you've left.
41:07>> 100%.
41:08>> Even if it was a serious issue, okay? I
41:10mean, even if you left them because
41:12they did something terrible to you, uh,
41:14try never to speak ill because
41:15sometimes we hurt each other more with
41:17what we say than the reason for which
41:19we left.
41:20>> And they also say that how someone
41:21leaves says much more about them than
41:23how they arrived. That's also a point.
41:26With the whole ex-partner thing, I
41:28uploaded some videos to social media
41:30because I was doing a series where I
41:32filmed myself for 90 days, and I had
41:34just met up with her, so I posted it,
41:36it got a ton of views, and everyone
41:38went for my jugular. You can't be
41:40friends with your ex, that's going to
41:41end very badly. One of the two is still
41:43in love, people love to talk without
41:45knowing, right? But in the end, it was
41:46a topic that many people didn't
41:48understand. Uh,
41:49>> The thing about these topics, and
41:51that's why I dare to come here on a
41:52podcast and in front of a stage with
41:54700 people, is that you can say
41:56whatever you want; two plus two isn't
41:57always four, I mean, a psychologist or
41:59an expert can't just come out and...no,
42:01man, there are just four fundamental
42:02things. It’s obvious that when you're
42:05doing poorly, you have to ask for help,
42:07and there are marriage counselors and
42:09psychologists who specialize in these
42:11things, but in general, who is an
42:13expert in love? Because, I don't know,
42:15maybe you'd tell me," Well, someone
42:16who's been married five times knows
42:18more than those of us who have. "Well,
42:19no, worse, because it hasn't gone well
42:20for them. I mean, what I’m saying is
42:23that personal experience, a good friend
42:25, telling someone you truly trust and
42:27can ask for advice, that is really
42:29worth it.
42:30>> Yeah, no, honestly, it's really good.
42:32>> It helps a lot. You guys are so
42:33annoying when you break up, huh? So
42:35annoying. I mean, those who break up,
42:37or separate, or get divorced while
42:38married are one-track minded and
42:40there's no way around it, you know? I
42:42mean, we’re out to dinner, you know?
42:44And on and on. And now you start," well
42:45, let’s talk a little bit about
42:46Barça, "you know? And again.
42:48>> And again.
42:49>> Yes, it’s quite a topic too.
42:50>> But, well, precisely because of that,
42:52it’s a very serious topic.
42:53>> Then there is another topic you touched
42:55on that has happened to me, uh, and not
42:57just doing it, but having it done to me
42:59, is the famous
43:00>> ghosting.
43:02>> What do you think about ghosting in
43:03society today? But, but, but Pino, it's
43:06a matter of manners because it costs
43:08nothing, especially now, I mean, you
43:10can send a message, even if it's cold,
43:12because I think things should be ended
43:14by talking, right? Hey, look, let's not
43:17break up, but many people abuse this,
43:20>> a message, something, like, look,
43:22forgive me, but I don't see it working
43:24out, from now on we won't see each
43:25other anymore. It's very cold, but
43:27it’s just pressing a button, it costs
43:29you nothing and it’s no longer
43:31ghosting. But but the the good thing
43:34would be to fix things by talking, and
43:36it's very hard for us to talk about
43:38personal matters because notice that
43:40when you date someone, and even more
43:42when you're married, when you're
43:44married there are two topics that
43:45dominate, which are kids and work. I
43:49mean, you go on a getaway, a weekend,
43:50whatever, it's always the same topic, I
43:52mean, kids, logistics, I mean, this one
43:54needs to be signed up here, not there,
43:56we have to pay for this, the other
43:57thing, such, I don't know what. And
43:59work, work. And when you're dating,
44:03well, it's hobbies, but we rarely talk
44:04about our relationship, boyfriends do
44:06more because they have to talk about it
44:08, but even then, very little. So, it is
44:11said that there are five levels of
44:12conversation. Did you know that?
44:14>> This is really great. Uh, the first
44:16level is talking about things. There
44:18are people who can spend their whole
44:19lives talking about things, and things
44:21is everything. Things is, the weather
44:23is nice, eh, I like bikes, motorcycles,
44:26cars, cinema, theater, travel, it's
44:28everything. I mean, you can talk about
44:30infinite topics, things. The second is
44:34people, people, but without criticizing
44:36anyone, people like saying:" Well, look
44:38, I find this type of person very
44:39interesting, this person, this, I don't
44:41know, well, I've read about this man
44:43and this and this man's story, well,
44:45whatever, or this colleague, this
44:47friend, etc. "The third is ideas.
44:49That's where we start to get involved,
44:51you know? What do you think about life?
44:52What do you think about ideas? The
44:54fourth is, what do you feel? What do
44:56you feel? And only the fifth level is
44:58sharing feelings. There are many people
45:01, and especially girls, who share
45:03everything on the first date, and of
45:05course, that's why they feel broken and
45:07that's why they feel ghosted, because
45:09maybe it hadn't even really, nothing
45:11had happened, as they say, you know? It
45:14had been just one dinner, but the other
45:16person already thinks that—and now
45:17we’re going to be criticized every
45:18time you say things like this, women do
45:19it, men do it.
45:21>> But that's how it is, that's how it is.
45:23Often, no, men are much more about
45:25seeing what they can get, and women are
45:27much more about seeing how this
45:28person's heart is, right?
45:30>> And it's funny because we were talking
45:32about this earlier, and there's a
45:34theory that says men, in a matter of 3
45:36or 4 minutes, already know if the girl
45:39will be for a stable relationship, for
45:41a one-night stand, or just nothing.
45:44Girls take much longer to figure it out
45:46.
45:47>> It’s just that girls notice
45:48everything. Girls run circles around us
45:50. Girls have an expression that I
45:53haven't heard. I have never heard it,
45:56but maybe someone has said it," I don't
45:57like him because he's too handsome. "
46:00>> What?
46:01>> I mean, girls often say," I don't like
46:03him because he's too handsome. "
46:05>> Because he's going to hurt her. Do you
46:06know he's going to do that?
46:07>> No, because he's too handsome. Even
46:08physically speaking, I don't like him
46:09because he's too handsome. It's often a
46:11woman's expression, isn't it?
46:13>> A man has never experienced saying," I
46:15don't like her because she's too pretty
46:16. "So, for girls, being handsome is a
46:18problem for getting to know you,
46:20>> right? Some, I mean, I say it in the
46:23sense that girls focus on so many more
46:24things that we don't notice.
46:26>> We are more,
46:27>> right? Well, if not you, because
46:28you’re a handsome guy, but I wouldn't
46:29have gotten married, man. I, I had,
46:31when I was young I didn't have pimples,
46:33I had boils, I mean, something really
46:36extreme. And my wife is gorgeous, I
46:37mean, she fell in love with me for my
46:39boils. Surely not. You see this
46:41sometimes, you see stunning women with
46:43very ugly men, yes or no? Because they
46:45focus on many things, they see beyond
46:47what the eyes see. Mm.
46:49>> We are really foolish, man,
46:52>> we are simpler,
46:53>> very simple,
46:54>> very simple and also very simple in
46:56relationships, right? Uh, I mean, you
46:58get mad at someone and the next day you
46:59give each other a pat or have a beer
47:01and it’s already forgotten.
47:02>> And that's why relationships between
47:05men and women are so exciting
47:07>> and that's why it's so important to
47:09create conversations knowing that. A
47:11man has to say," What is there about me
47:13that you don't like? What would you
47:16like? What would you like me to change?
47:18How do you feel? "This must be
47:20encouraged.
47:21>> I mean, if you say those things, you
47:23improve communication a lot more.
47:25>> Much, much more. Because if you want
47:28the other person to change something,
47:29the usual thing is, of course, to tell
47:31the other person to change. So it's,
47:33it's tough, because the other person
47:35might take it the wrong way. However,
47:37you could say," Hey, what is there
47:39about me that you don't like? What,
47:40what would you like me to change? "And
47:42right there, I mean, you set up a
47:44conversation that will make it easier
47:45for you to tell the other person to
47:47change something, because of course, if
47:49I'm already talking about what, and
47:50what they tell you, you're not going to
47:52like, huh? Hey, look at this, but we
47:54don't say this, what we feel, what we
47:56think, we don't say it, we just take it
47:59for granted, and sometimes girls start
48:01making balls, making balls, making
48:02balls. Has it never happened to you to
48:04go pick up a girlfriend who was angry?
48:06>> Yes,
48:07>> a thousand times
48:07>> and not know why. The thing is, you ask
48:11every man this and it has always
48:12happened to everyone. I mean, in the
48:13car, you look at her and she's angry.
48:15And you thought, damn, why? Why? You
48:17know? And you went over today,
48:18yesterday, let's see, and no, it
48:19doesn't come to you, it doesn't come to
48:21you, and in the end you ask her," Are
48:23you angry? "No. And what happened after
48:25?
48:26>> You should know.
48:27>> Well, yeah, and things could come out
48:30from 15 days ago, a week ago, and well,
48:32>> that's another thing, she has a great
48:33memory, a good memory.
48:34>> Of course, these things keep
48:35accumulating.
48:36>> Yes. And one day on Instagram I asked
48:39people why they argued, to tell me why
48:41they argued, uh, and to tell me if they
48:43were dating or married. And everything,
48:46everyone, almost everyone, man, there
48:47was someone who put something serious,
48:49but something serious is no longer an
48:51argument, it's a disaster.
48:53>> Everyone told me it was over silly
48:54things. I said," Well, but tell me what
48:56silly things. "And 800 people replied
48:59to a, to a story.
49:01>> 800. I made an Excel sheet. So I did
49:05married couples and dating couples and
49:06I started noting down the reasons for
49:08the arguments. The same thing, the same
49:11thing. I mean, in, in 10 items it's
49:13summarized. Order, uh, punctuality,
49:17hygiene, leaving things around. It's
49:20just the same, the same thing. We
49:22always argue over silly things.
49:25>> Something silly happens, you argue and
49:27hold onto it, and the next day, to this
49:29silly thing, we add the next day's
49:30silliness
49:31>> and it keeps snowballing.
49:32>> And it keeps snowballing. Of course.
49:34>> So, I don't say it because if we argue
49:36and if the topics are important, those
49:38topics will come up one way or another
49:41>> and then the day they come up, if they
49:42come up once you're married, we've got
49:44a problem.
49:44>> Of course. Now that you know me a bit
49:47better, you know some of my concerns,
49:49I've told you some personal things and
49:51we've debated a bit, what do you think
49:53I should change to actually meet
49:55someone worth it, or even someone I
49:57really like who doesn't put up this
49:59barrier of" no, I don't like you "or"
50:01no, there's no spark "? What do you
50:03think I should change to—that's a
50:05very difficult question, man. You you
50:07want here a you want a million-dollar
50:10piece of advice because it doesn't
50:12exist. Because it doesn't exist. It
50:14doesn't exist. I think, I always say
50:16that the main advice, I've already told
50:18you, but I'll emphasize it for you, is
50:20to change places, I mean, change your
50:22environment a little, just a little,
50:24I'm not saying you have to change
50:25things radically, right?
50:27>> But to say, let's see, what type of
50:28woman would I like
50:30>> and where is this type of woman? And
50:33then, well, one day go, I don't know,
50:35to another restaurant, another bar,
50:37another party,
50:37>> right? That's good
50:39>> with other types of people, do you see
50:40what I mean? Because that usually
50:42happens to us, that we move in the same
50:44places, do the same things, always meet
50:45the same people, and if it doesn't
50:47happen there, it's very hard for it to
50:49happen.
50:49>> And sometimes it's about being bold,
50:50right? Like in situations, for example,
50:52walking down the street and finding a
50:54girl who looks cute, and thinking," Do
50:55I dare? Do I talk to her? "Do I not
50:57talk to her?" That too.
50:58>> Like that, straight up.
50:59>> Yes. I don't know,
51:00>> I haven't done it, though. I've never
51:01done that on the street, seeing a girl
51:03there, because I also think it's a bit
51:04like invading her space when she's
51:06doing her own thing, or at the gym as
51:07well. You don't want to bother her,
51:09she's probably busy, but maybe being
51:10bold—letting them see you're bold—
51:12because nothing ventured, nothing
51:13gained.
51:14>> The thing is, it’s true that, I don't
51:15know, since you don't know anything,
51:17well, I don't know, maybe a girl
51:18who’s married, you know?
51:19>> Yes, no, no, no.
51:19>> This topic is delicate, to say the
51:21least, right?
51:21>> Of course. Yes, yes.
51:23>> But well, there are a thousand
51:24strategies. A thousand strategies.
51:26>> You also mentioned off-camera that you
51:28were making some kind of platform to
51:30bring Catholic people together.
51:33>> How does that work? I asked you before,
51:34and you told me,
51:37>> Let's see, those of us who are
51:38believers, and especially Catholics,
51:40who are the ones I know, one of the
51:42main things that worries people is that
51:43the other person shares your faith,
51:45right? I mean, because if you live a
51:48certain way, have a way of thinking, if
51:50you meet someone who thinks the same as
51:53you, things are much easier, right? I
51:55mean, it doesn't mean it's easy,
51:57because nothing is easy, right? But it
51:59makes things much easier. So there are
52:01many Catholic people whose only, I mean
52:04, important condition is to know
52:06someone who is Catholic, right? And
52:09then, obviously, that I like them and
52:10everything else you want.
52:11>> It’s like that requirement you say
52:12has to be met.
52:13>> Yes, like a check. I mean, I had this,
52:15when I didn't have a girlfriend, I
52:17started when I was 17, but I mean, I
52:19knew or wanted my wife to be a good
52:20Catholic, convinced of what she was
52:22doing, right?
52:24>> And so, what happens? Well, if you go,
52:27as we said, in your environment, your
52:29church, and you’ve already exhausted
52:31the market, it makes it hard, right?
52:34And clearly, the market is more limited
52:36if you want to find a Catholic.
52:38>> And then they suggested I make some
52:41posts—not "posto," some posts—that
52:43said, a girl told me, to put "Single
52:45Catholics from this age to this age,
52:47from this age to this age," and then
52:50people commented below, you know?
52:53Single Catholics from 20 to 35, 35 to
52:5645, and over 45. So people commented,
53:01and well, there were thousands of
53:03comments. The total is that nine
53:05couples have gotten married from these
53:06posts. Married?
53:07>> Yes, yes, married, married, because
53:08this started a few years ago.
53:10>> Wow.
53:10>> And so what also happened here was that
53:12a lot of people would post friends who
53:13would have never signed up for a
53:15platform or anything, you know? They'd
53:16say, "I have a friend who..."
53:17>> Yeah, yeah. I mean, I have three
53:19friends who are, well, real catches,
53:20and they’d post the three of them on
53:22Instagram, and of course, three people
53:24were paying attention and bam, they’d
53:25hit it, right? Follow, right?
53:27>> And so, well, people started talking
53:29and then they told me, "Well, we could
53:31do something more and all that." So now
53:33we’ve made a website, which will be
53:35an app, but for now it’s a site
53:37called novios100porciento.com. So, it's
53:40like a Catholic Tinder, actually, one
53:41already exists. There’s one called
53:43Catholic Match
53:44>> in the United States, but it’s very,
53:46it’s very American,
53:46>> yeah, very Yankee, right?
53:48>> It’s very, it’s very Yankee, and
53:49there are very few, there are some
53:50Spaniards, but very few,
53:52>> and this one is open to everyone, but
53:54it’s more Spanish-based. Mhm.
53:56>> So you enter with a filter of, well, we
53:58ask you if you go to mass, where you
54:00were educated, what kind of, how you
54:02live your faith and so on, and then you
54:04have filters to meet people, and we've
54:05been at it for a month and a half and
54:07there have been many matches and
54:09several couples starting to date.
54:11>> So, you’re a dentist, a science
54:13communicator, and Cupid.
54:14>> Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It’s a thing
54:16that here, that really is very...I
54:19thought this was nonsense. Okay, sure,
54:21whatever. Then a, well, I thought, well
54:23, and many times young people tell me,
54:24"Hey, we could do this, we could do
54:26that," but I think, I just don't have
54:27enough life for it.
54:29>> And then one guy wrote to me, one guy
54:30wrote to me who is, well, a university
54:32professor, a telecommunications
54:34engineer, he wrote me a really good
54:35long message, you know?
54:36>> I said, "Wow, this guy knows his stuff.
54:38"
54:38>> Let's do it, right?
54:39>> Yes. And so, well, I asked who he was
54:41and all that, and we did it. So, we are
54:43partners, we’ve started a small
54:45company.
54:46>> Very good.
54:46>> But of course, everything has its terms
54:47and conditions, eh? Data protection,
54:49all sorts of things.
54:51>> Yes, yes. A lot of software. I thought
54:53it was all just nonsense.
54:54>> No, starting a company, especially a
54:56technological one, is no small matter.
54:57>> Yes, I thought it was a simple thing,
54:59you just set up the website and
55:01that’s it. Now with AI it can end up
55:03helping you, but even so, it is very
55:05complex.
55:06>> Then there are also some classic
55:07questions that I always tend to ask
55:09guests. The first is for you to tell me
55:11the best piece of advice you've ever
55:12been given.
55:13>> The best advice I've ever been given in
55:15my life.
55:16>> Be consistent with what you think. Mm.
55:19>> My my best advice, which my parents
55:21gave me and which I received from many
55:24places, is for me—and it's also
55:26something I value a lot in people—
55:29it's consistency.
55:31>> I mean, if I say I'm going to do
55:32something, I do it. So, that's why it's
55:35important that the things you say, you
55:36fulfill,
55:38>> because otherwise you fail a lot in
55:39consistency, right? But there are many
55:41people who want things, I mean, who
55:43talk one way, but in real life...I use
55:45the example that many people get on a
55:47train in Madrid, heading to Bilbao, and
55:49they want to go to Seville. "No, no, I
55:52want to go to Seville, I love Seville."
55:53Furthermore, they go on and on about
55:55how Seville is amazing. Seville,
55:56Seville, Seville—the train is to
55:57Bilbao. I mean, if you got on a train
55:59to Bilbao, you are going to arrive in
56:00Bilbao. So, it's kind of the same thing
56:01, right? "I want a lifelong marriage.""
56:03I want a marriage like my parents' or
56:04my grandparents ', like yours, etc."
56:06Well, but how are you living? I mean,
56:08every weekend you're with someone new,
56:09uh, you live a totally disordered life
56:11from an emotional point of view, well,
56:13it's difficult, it's difficult for you
56:14to achieve it, right? I'm not saying
56:16you can't achieve it. So, for me,
56:18consistency is very important and I
56:20believe that is it.
56:21>> Very well. What would you say is your
56:23biggest dream?
56:26>> I have fully achieved it. I mean, no, I
56:29already have the "feina feta" as we say
56:31in Catalan, which means the work is
56:32already done.
56:33>> And what was it?
56:34>> Yes, of course. I wanted to be a
56:35dentist. I wanted to have a large
56:37family. I wanted my children to be good
56:41people, to marry good people and, I
56:43mean, everything is good. Yes, I have
56:47my children married. W
56:48>> no, I don't, I have an older one who is
56:50a numerary, she is in Opus. She is a
56:52numerary. These ones don't get married,
56:54they live in Rome.
56:55>> I see. Okay.
56:56>> You know about these problems regarding
56:57people being against Opus Dei and the
56:58numeraries and such? Well, I have one
57:00of those, but she is very happy.
57:03>> The bad thing is that documentaries
57:04only show the ones who are very angry.
57:06You know
57:07>> that there are very angry people
57:08everywhere? Maybe some things have been
57:10done wrong. It's evident, isn't it?
57:11>> But this one is very happy and lives in
57:13Rome. She is the oldest. Then I have
57:15three who are married
57:17>> and the youngest one who is single, but
57:20he is 25.
57:22>> Now if I said he is single, you'll see,
57:24they'll call him like you, eh? He is
57:30going to get mad at me.
57:31>> Very good.
57:32>> But my goal was this. I mean, I don't
57:34know, it's just that I have a more
57:37spiritual goal: that is, to be at peace
57:39, not stray from my faith, to be happy
57:42with my wife, to be proud of her, to
57:44adore her. I mean, I love her, I find
57:46her gorgeous and wonderful. My kids are
57:49good, work is good, and now on top of
57:51that comes this bonus of becoming an
57:54influencer without even trying, and I
57:56enjoy it a lot. It's getting hard, it's
57:58getting hard to work as a dentist now
58:00too. If my patients hear me, they'll
58:01say, "Yeah, because this costs me
58:02nothing." I mean, I do this out of
58:04passion,
58:04>> I answer people, I write things, they
58:06call me from everywhere,
58:08>> it's fun. And when you see that things
58:10are working, one thing that caught my
58:11attention is that you manage everything
58:12yourself, both Instagram, events,
58:14everything; do you have the time? To
58:15tell you the truth, I don't get hooked,
58:17I mean, it's very hard for me when, for
58:18example, I go to an event and they tell
58:19me: "Send a little video saying:' I
58:21invite you to this event '". It costs
58:22me a lot,
58:23>> I mean, it's hard for me to do this,
58:24you know? The Instagram stuff is really
58:26hard for me. But since I go to many
58:28podcasts, they make the reels and make
58:30the clips and I just repost them
58:32>> and then people already send me many
58:34things regarding dating and marriage
58:35and I just have to keep reposting
58:37things
58:39>> and a lot of people write to me and I
58:40like to reply, but the one who sends me
58:4220 voice notes, well no, because life
58:43just doesn't allow for it, there are a
58:45lot of people who want to talk to me. I
58:48believe that therapy, marriage therapy,
58:50affective therapy is fundamental. I
58:53mean, a good piece of advice is that
58:54people shouldn't be afraid to go to
58:55therapy, and couples who are struggling
58:57shouldn't be afraid to go to someone
58:59who can help them because doing it
59:00alone is very difficult, it's essential
59:01.
59:02>> And communication is the most important
59:03thing, right? We've
59:04>> When you open up, when you open
59:05yourself, you realize the things that
59:06are happening to you.
59:07>> Then there is also one thing I usually
59:09do in the episodes, and that is that
59:11the previous guest has left a question
59:12for you
59:13>> and you have to answer it.
59:14>> But, did they know who I was or not? Ah
59:16, very good.
59:17>> I told them they had to throw out a
59:18question for whoever it was, for any
59:19profile, without knowing who was coming
59:21. I didn't know who it was either
59:23because that was about two months ago
59:24more or less, but we're going to play
59:25it and now you're going to answer.
59:27>> If you had to ask a question for them
59:29to answer, what would it be?
59:30>> Well, I don't know. The question I
59:32leave for the next guest is, what is
59:34the meaning of your life? Very good
59:38question.
59:39>> Wow, that's a very good question. Uh,
59:41what is the meaning of your life? Well,
59:43look, my life has meaning, and it fits
59:45perfectly because a priest sent it to
59:47me, and it is the meaning of giving
59:49glory to God. I mean, I feel like a
59:52beloved son of God, and I believe that
59:55my life and the lives of human beings
59:57are in this world to love God and love
1:00:00others. And so my true goal, and I
1:00:04don't say this just to look good, is to
1:00:06give of myself to other people, and
1:00:08that's why I try to strive as hard as I
1:00:10can when I see that people have
1:00:12problems and ask me for solutions, but
1:00:14always to give glory to God. I mean,
1:00:18for me, God is the fundamental pillar
1:00:20of my life, truly. I mean, it's not
1:00:23that I'm Catholic just because I go to
1:00:24mass on Sunday or whatever, but because
1:00:26it helps me a lot. I don't know,
1:00:28because I try to be contemplative in
1:00:30the midst of the world, right? I mean,
1:00:33I take advantage of any situation to
1:00:35pray. I mean, I pray for you, I pray
1:00:38for this colleague we have here on the
1:00:39camera, but I don't get on my knees and
1:00:41pray an Our Father, which I might do at
1:00:42night. But I have a moment of the idea,
1:00:45a patient comes to me, and when I have
1:00:47them, I'm fixing their mouth; well, I
1:00:48apply a product that takes a few
1:00:50seconds and, instead of being a few
1:00:51seconds, well, it's three Hail Marys
1:00:53and. And this, when you get into the
1:00:56habit of doing that...eh, there’s one
1:00:58thing I’m passionate about, which is
1:01:00the motto of the Pope’s trip to...
1:01:01Well, now it really is to look up,
1:01:03isn't it?
1:01:05>> So we are always, look, I’m not even
1:01:07saying looking in the eyes, because
1:01:08what we do is look down at the phone,
1:01:10right?
1:01:11>> I mean, we go through the world looking
1:01:12at the ground, and you have to look up,
1:01:14you have to look at the sky, you have
1:01:15to see, you have to know where we come
1:01:17from and where we’re going. And those
1:01:19of us who are believers are lucky
1:01:20enough to know where we come from and
1:01:22we know where we’re going, and the
1:01:23game is already won. So, if the game is
1:01:26won, even if it seems like we’re down
1:01:285-0 in a penalty shootout, we’re
1:01:30going to win it. And this gives you a
1:01:33lot of peace. Yes,
1:01:34>> a lot of peace.
1:01:35>> And I also have a question that I asked
1:01:36a friend this very question the other
1:01:37day, and he said, "Damn, why are you
1:01:39asking me such a deep question?" Right?
1:01:42And it’s that, eh, really after death
1:01:43, what do you believe is there? Or how
1:01:46do you feel about all this? Real life
1:01:48after death. I am convinced of this,
1:01:51because if not, our faith would be in
1:01:52vain, as Saint Paul said.
1:01:54>> I mean, the foundation of our faith is
1:01:56this. If there weren't an eternal life
1:01:58after death, it wouldn't make any sense
1:02:00. But, I mean, I believe it, I’m
1:02:03clear about it because God became man,
1:02:04came to earth, and told us about it.
1:02:07And if one thing was clear, it was this
1:02:08. I mean, here you have to...you have
1:02:10to work for it. We have to live in this
1:02:12world, and depending on how we live in
1:02:14this world, we will have access to this
1:02:16eternal life. If nothing happens
1:02:18afterwards, well, the truth is I’ve
1:02:20lived very well. I mean, this idea that
1:02:22, wow, you’ve messed up, right? No,
1:02:24because living like this, living in an
1:02:26orderly way—I mean, religion also
1:02:28gives me a lot of order, right?
1:02:29>> This, what should I do? Well, I take it
1:02:31to prayer, I look at what the Church
1:02:33tells me, and I do it, and I don’t,
1:02:35and I don't have doubts of faith.
1:02:37Practically, I have never had doubts of
1:02:38faith. Never.
1:02:40>> I’m a very, very resolute guy, I mean
1:02:42,
1:02:43>> convinced of things, I mean, this has
1:02:44to be done like this, it has to be done
1:02:45like this. It works, it works. So, keep
1:02:47going forward. No. And I don’t mind
1:02:49either. I don't mind talking about the
1:02:50fact that I'm a believer, that I
1:02:51believe in God. I don't go around
1:02:53shouting it to everyone, but everyone
1:02:54knows it.
1:02:55>> Everyone around me knows it. I mean,
1:02:57when I go on trips with my friends,
1:02:58they know I have to go to Mass. So, we
1:03:00plan everything around the Mass
1:03:02schedule. You know what? I go.
1:03:03>> Sure. You can't spend a Sunday without
1:03:05going to Mass.
1:03:06>> No. And I go every day,
1:03:07>> okay?
1:03:08>> But the daily ones I can skip
1:03:10>> if something comes up, but not Sunday.
1:03:12Of course.
1:03:12>> And so, naturally, I live this, and if
1:03:14I live it and pass it on, well, I marry
1:03:17a woman who also lives it, and we pass
1:03:19it on at home. It's a way of living
1:03:20that makes us very happy. If there were
1:03:22nothing afterwards, well, honestly,
1:03:24we've lived very happily,
1:03:26>> thinking of others, giving of yourself,
1:03:27doing good. I grew up with it, I've
1:03:30tried to pass it on to my kids, they
1:03:32live it too.
1:03:33>> And and if if if it all were a lie,
1:03:35which it isn't, right? I mean, I'm
1:03:37convinced, but even if it were a lie,
1:03:40I've lived very well.
1:03:41>> Mm. With a lot of peace.
1:03:43>> Now it's your turn to ask a question to
1:03:46the next guest. Also without knowing
1:03:48what their profile will be. I already
1:03:50told you that here on the podcast we
1:03:51have different profiles, right?
1:03:52>> Ah, but I have mine very clear too.
1:03:53>> You have it clear? Yes, man. Yes.
1:03:55>> Come on, go ahead. So, what question
1:03:56are you leaving for the next guest?
1:03:58>> Yes, yes. Is love a feeling or is it a
1:04:03choice?
1:04:04>> Wow, we're getting some very good
1:04:06questions here, huh? I like it, I like
1:04:09it because, well, I'll ask the next
1:04:10person who doesn't know, or should I
1:04:12ask you too?
1:04:13>> Is love a feeling or a choice?
1:04:20>> I think it's more feeling than choice,
1:04:22because in the end it's what you feel,
1:04:24right? Uh, what comes from within, you
1:04:27do things for something more than
1:04:29>> and you can work on your feelings.
1:04:33>> How do you work on a feeling? What do
1:04:35you mean?
1:04:35>> No, you can't work on it. And so
1:04:38>> either you feel it or you don't.
1:04:39>> And so I've felt the same way for 38
1:04:42years.
1:04:46>> Now you're the one asking the difficult
1:04:48questions.
1:04:48>> That's where we are. That's where we
1:04:50are. Because now this is the good part.
1:04:52You'll have to put it on so it doesn't
1:04:53show, that's the question for the next
1:04:55one because you can't cut this.
1:04:56>> Of course, I'm not, not, not going to
1:04:57cut it.
1:04:58>> This is the good part.
1:04:59>> No way. Of course not. I mean, changing
1:05:01feelings at 38. The other day I ran
1:05:03into a friend of mine, I ran into his
1:05:04wife, she started crying, she told me,
1:05:06"What's wrong? He left me." And I
1:05:08called him, my friend, and he told me,
1:05:10"I can't fight against my feelings.
1:05:11I've fallen in love with someone else.
1:05:14I don't have feelings for her anymore."
1:05:14And it's true that he doesn't feel
1:05:16anything because now he has feelings
1:05:17for someone else.
1:05:17>> And you can't. There is no.
1:05:19>> Sure, but then
1:05:20>> it can't be controlled.
1:05:22>> But you, do you really feel like coming
1:05:24to work every single day of the world?
1:05:27>> Some days more, some days less.
1:05:29>> Do you think Messi felt like going to
1:05:30practice every single day? When he was
1:05:33with his kids in that case having an
1:05:35Argentine barbecue and he had to go to
1:05:37the training camp to play against
1:05:39Leganés.
1:05:40>> Some days more, some days less too, of
1:05:42course.
1:05:43>> Because there are good days and there
1:05:45are bad days, and anything worth doing
1:05:46in this life requires effort. And we
1:05:49can't work on feelings, but you can
1:05:51work on love, and that's why those of
1:05:53us who get married in the church can do
1:05:55it, because what we say when we marry
1:05:57in the church is crazy. What we said
1:06:00before about "I will love you in
1:06:01prosperity, in adversity, in sickness
1:06:03and in health," well, there will be
1:06:05things I won't feel because, because,
1:06:06because I am there. But that depends on
1:06:10me, it depends on my will; feelings
1:06:12come and go, but if we leave it at that
1:06:14, it sounds tacky because it sounds
1:06:16like, well, since this guy is Catholic,
1:06:18he has to endure it because of [BEEP],
1:06:20do you see what I mean? I mean, he has
1:06:23to endure it because he married forever
1:06:24, right? The typical thing Catholics
1:06:25are told, right? People didn't use to
1:06:27separate back then because they
1:06:28couldn't separate. They were married in
1:06:29the church, so they had to endure. And
1:06:31that idea still remains, even among
1:06:32people who didn't get married in the
1:06:34church, who talk about enduring,
1:06:35enduring in the marriage. And that is
1:06:38not true, because the grace of this is
1:06:40that when you work on love, the feeling
1:06:41comes back.
1:06:45>> And how can you work on love?
1:06:47>> Tomorrow I'll get up at 6 in the
1:06:48morning and prepare breakfast. In the
1:06:52afternoon I'll get back from work
1:06:53earlier because I know I'm arriving
1:06:54very late and it makes her really angry
1:06:56that when I arrive, she's already
1:06:57asleep. This weekend we'll go shopping
1:07:01on Saturday from 8 in the morning until
1:07:029 at night and I'll hand over the
1:07:04credit card. Where is there feeling?
1:07:07There is will. But if you do it, the
1:07:11feeling will return to you. To you for
1:07:13doing it and to the other person
1:07:14because they receive it. This is also a
1:07:16very good book. The Five Love Languages
1:07:18. It's a very good book. Gary Chapman.
1:07:20This man says there are five love
1:07:22languages and that each person has one
1:07:24or another more or less developed. And
1:07:27the five are free things; they are
1:07:29quality time, words of affirmation,
1:07:32acts of service, gifts, and physical
1:07:34touch. And you may have more or less,
1:07:37and one day you prefer one thing and
1:07:38another day another, but he says that
1:07:40these five things encompass everything
1:07:41that relates to the relationship
1:07:42between a couple, right? Notice that
1:07:44these five things have little to do
1:07:46with feeling, huh?
1:07:48>> Quality time, meaning, dedicating time
1:07:51to love; service, meaning, what do you
1:07:53need? Should I go? I'll do it. Hang
1:07:55this up for me. Even if it takes you 6
1:07:57months, you end up hanging it up, right
1:07:59? So, when you live like that, the
1:08:01feeling returns. If both of us live
1:08:03like that, it's a party. If you expect
1:08:07to feel that super beautiful,
1:08:09spectacular girl, who excites you, who
1:08:11you enjoy so much, that will go
1:08:13downhill. And if so, what happens? That
1:08:18you'll get excited and you'll find,
1:08:20well, the secretary or the nurse
1:08:22attractive. There are people who live
1:08:24like that. Well, if living like that is
1:08:26fine for you, then go ahead. But if
1:08:28what you want is a love forever, what
1:08:29you have to do is work on love so that
1:08:31the feeling returns, not to just endure
1:08:33, but so the feeling returns. Haven't
1:08:35you heard my ski lift anecdote?
1:08:37>> Which one is that?
1:08:37>> The ski lift is essential to finish it,
1:08:39right? It's the end, we're at the end,
1:08:41there are many things left, right? We
1:08:42are
1:08:43>> It's just that when you're a teenager,
1:08:45you get on a ski lift, okay? It's a ski
1:08:48lift that goes over all the valleys in
1:08:49the world in summer. Beautiful. So, the
1:08:51first valley you see, you fall in love.
1:08:53You love it, right? First girl from
1:08:54high school, there you go. Wow, I love
1:08:56it. But when the chairlift keeps going,
1:08:58you eventually see the next valley. So,
1:09:00you keep seeing valleys until you find
1:09:02one and you say, "This one’s for me,
1:09:03I love this one." So, you get off, you
1:09:06go down. It’s a little Heidi-style
1:09:09house, an incredible field, lots of
1:09:12cows. So, when you go down it’s
1:09:14fantastic because you’ve seen many
1:09:15valleys, and there’s none like that
1:09:17one. It's beautiful and you jump and
1:09:20dance and sit in the rocking chair and
1:09:22bathe in the stream and 6 months pass.
1:09:25Wow, how great. And a year goes by, wow
1:09:27. And when 2 years go by, when two
1:09:29years pass, the cows poop like crazy. I
1:09:31mean, it's all full of cow pies. It’s
1:09:34a crappy valley. It’s all full of
1:09:36brambles, of thickets. The house is
1:09:37rotting, you hit it, two planks fall
1:09:39off, water gets in when it rains.
1:09:40It’s a piece of crap. I hate it. I
1:09:42hate it. Just in case the topic of
1:09:44marriage sounds familiar to many, right
1:09:45? I hate it. Who told me to get myself
1:09:47into this? You chose it freely, because
1:09:49otherwise you can't get married if it's
1:09:51not freely in the church. So, there are
1:09:53two options. One option is to say, "
1:09:54This valley is the best valley in the
1:09:56world." Because it is, because I chose
1:09:57it, I love it. I’m going to work for
1:09:59it. And working means working: brush
1:10:02cutter, painting the house, mowing the
1:10:05lawn, herding the cows. And at night
1:10:08when you sit in the rocking chair,
1:10:09fixed up because it was falling apart,
1:10:11you die for it. Because that valley
1:10:14that was pretty when you went down is
1:10:16now beautiful. That is love.
1:10:20>> Yes, yes, yes,
1:10:20>> that is love. And so, since you like
1:10:22having an impeccable valley, as soon as
1:10:24it chips or something, as soon as
1:10:26there’s an issue, you fix it. And the
1:10:28other option is to get on the chairlift
1:10:29, because from the chairlift the next
1:10:31valley always looks greener. I have
1:10:33friends who have seasonal passes, they
1:10:35get on the chairlift constantly and
1:10:37many have told me, "If it were now, I
1:10:39wouldn't get on." It’s the same. If
1:10:41you don't
1:10:42>> they are happy that way.
1:10:42>> If you don't work for it, it’s the
1:10:44same. And when you get on the chairlift
1:10:45you leave a valley in ruins.
1:10:46>> Yeah.
1:10:47>> It’s nice to be on the subject
1:10:49because it’s working on something
1:10:51that’s hard, but so that the result
1:10:53is a much more powerful feeling.
1:10:55>> Mm. Well Pep, I think that's a very
1:10:58good anecdote to end the podcast.
1:11:01>> Thank you very much again for this chat
1:11:02. I think it’s been great because, in
1:11:04the end, they are different points of
1:11:05view, right? Different, and I think it
1:11:07can really reach
1:11:08>> But it's something that really touches
1:11:09people, that interests them a lot.
1:11:11Everyone wants, everyone wants,
1:11:13everyone loves, everyone. These are
1:11:15things you touch on in your day-to-day
1:11:16life, right? And they are concerns that
1:11:17many people also have. So
1:11:19>> not an expert, but a communicator who
1:11:21knows a lot of things.
1:11:23>> You haven't lived long, have you? The
1:11:26chat has been great, and well, thanks
1:11:28to you for staying until the end of the
1:11:30podcast. We will leave the details and
1:11:33Pep's profile below in the description,
1:11:35also his book and the program. What was
1:11:37that app called?
1:11:38>> 100x1 boyfriends?
1:11:40>> Novios 100%.com. Is it launched yet or
1:11:42are you finalizing the last details?
1:11:43There it is. There are over 7,000
1:11:45people already. Well look, if you have
1:11:47options, we'll leave it all in the
1:11:49description and see you next time.
1:11:50Thank you very much for watching the
1:11:52podcast. M.

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