Physical Dominance: How To Use Body Language To Command Respect — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Tywin Lannister is a beast — he effectively served as king for many years under Aerys
2. 0:04and wielded massive influence over Robert and Joffrey.
3. 0:07He would have continued to be the power behind the throne had he not been so horrible to Tyrion —
4. 0:11more on that later — but that's not the point.
5. 0:13In this video, I want to explore why Tywin was able to command so much respect
6. 0:17breaking down everything from his body language to his strategies.
7. 0:21But to start, let's note where Tywin's power does not come from.
8. 0:24I am the king. I will punish you.
9. 0:28Any man who must say, "I am the king," is no true king.
10. 0:33This is the most important sentence that Tywin ever says.
11. 0:36According to Tywin, power does not come from telling other people
12. 0:39that you have it it; comes from showing them.
13. 0:42Tywin does that in many ways and I want to start with some of the sub-communications of power —
14. 0:47meaning the things that Tywin does with his body language and his voice.
15. 0:50And I have to give Charles Dance here massive amounts of credit
16. 0:53because he did a phenomenal job of acting these scenes out.
17. 0:56So let's explore how Tywin enters crowded conversations —
18. 0:59first off, with a boom.
19. 1:00I'm told we still have his sisters—
20. 1:03The first order of business is ransoming Ser Jaime.
21. 1:05No truces; we can't afford to look weak.
22. 1:07We should march at once.
23. 1:08First, we must return to Casterly Rock to raise more—
24. 1:11They have my son!
25. 1:13Now, you may struggle to be heard when there's a lot of people speaking — many of us do.
26. 1:17You might stop and start, try to find your way in politely, and ultimately not get listened to at all
27. 1:22but not Tywin — he startles people by going from silent to booming in an instant.
28. 1:27That grabs attention immediately.
29. 1:29But what's interesting is that he often doesn't stay booming for too long.
30. 1:33Once he has attention, he quiets right back down.
31. 1:35This makes his quiet mode of interaction just as frightening as his booming tone
32. 1:40because you never know when he's going to switch.
33. 1:42They have my son!
34. 1:47Get out — all of you.
35. 1:50You don't need to scream like Tywin does but the lesson of entering with a slightly louder and deeper tone
36. 1:55is one that applies just as well to modern-day interactions.
37. 1:59Pay attention to any group and you'll see that the person who is listened to
38. 2:02when there's a lot of people trying to speak is often the loudest when entering.
39. 2:06Don't stay loud forever though if you're going to use this small piece of advice
40. 2:09because that can just be obnoxious.
41. 2:12You may also have noticed that Tywin is very comfortable with silence.
42. 2:15This is a power move that I discussed in another video so I won't spend too long on it
43. 2:19and I'll link to it here if you want to click the little white button in the corner.
44. 2:22But Tywin likes to use silence right after people have said something to provoke him.
45. 2:27It gives them a few extra seconds to regret their decision to stand up to him
46. 2:31and to sit in fear of what he might do next.
47. 2:34My father won the real war.
48. 2:36He killed Prince Rhaegar. He took the crown while you hid in Casterly Rock.
49. 2:53The king is tired. See him to his chambers.
50. 2:57The silence that Tywin makes creates a stare down like you might see from boxing or UFC promotions.
51. 3:02The first person to flinch or look away loses
52. 3:05which is why fighters go to such great lengths to not give an inch of ground
53. 3:09and this isn't just an arbitrary rule that was made up for boxing.
54. 3:12Flinching and breaking eye contact are built in evolutionary tells that communicate fear
55. 3:17which is why they can sometimes matter even more than raw strength when it comes to a confrontation
56. 3:21because when one animal isn't afraid, that's a good sign that it has an advantage that needs to be respected.
57. 3:27Just watch this charging gorilla back off when a puny little human doesn't flinch
58. 3:31even though the gorilla could obviously tear him limb from limb.
59. 3:35...charged and charged and charged again.
60. 3:39And I think... and I'm sure, if I would have even flinched one—
61. 3:43But Tywin's sub-communications of power go beyond the ape realm.
62. 3:46His word choice is a distinctly human way of using power.
63. 3:49He doesn't ask people what to do or make threats by saying,
64. 3:52"If you do this then I'm going to respond like this."
65. 3:55He tells people what they are going to do using the word "will."
66. 3:58It conveys absolute certainty that they will do as they are told
67. 4:02and again, the certainty that Tywin will be listened to
68. 4:05adds to the sense that he should be listened to. Just watch.
69. 4:10You will go to King's Landing.
70. 4:13And do what?
71. 4:15Rule.
72. 4:17You will serve as hand of the King in my stead.
73. 4:20You'll bring that boy King to heel and his mother too if needs be.
74. 4:24...for one more thing — you will not take that whore to court. Do you understand?
75. 4:32The circular logic of sub-communications is kind of how they work
76. 4:36because when people signal through sub-communications that they have power,
77. 4:39we assume they ought to and respond accordingly which elicits more sub-communications of power.
78. 4:44A similar thing occurs with Tywin's inflection at the end of sentences;
79. 4:47it's always downward emphasizing that this isn't a question — like this.
80. 4:51Listen to Joffrey do the reverse asking Tywin a question with an upward tone
81. 4:55kind of like this — this is great acting which mirrors real life.
82. 4:59When people feel nervous or lacking in power, they will naturally begin to ask questions
83. 5:04and flip their intonation upward like in this scene.
84. 5:07...the council meetings in the Tower of the Hand instead of the small council chamber.
85. 5:11I have, yes.
86. 5:14May I ask why?
87. 5:16Don't get me wrong. There are times when you will want to ask questions and speak with an upward inflection.
88. 5:21For instance, players like Tyrion and Littlefinger
89. 5:23use more subtle lines of questioning to make someone act and feel
90. 5:26like it was their idea to do what Tyrion or Littlefinger wanted.
91. 5:30That strategy tends to work better in modern times as well.
92. 5:33For instance, when speaking to employees, you may prefer to say,
93. 5:36"Could you please do this for me?" rather than demand it of them.
94. 5:39That way, they feel less put upon and happier to help you.
95. 5:42But Tywin doesn't care if people are happy to help. His strategy is to create fear.
96. 5:47...might have been the lowest of the Lannisters but he's one of us.
97. 5:50And every day that he remains a prisoner, the less our name command respect.
98. 5:56So the Lion does concern himself of the opinions of—
99. 5:58No, that's not an opinion; it's a fact.
100. 6:03If another House can seize one of our own and hold him captive
101. 6:07with impunity, we are no longer a House to be feared.
102. 6:10We'll come back to that in a minute but for now,
103. 6:12let's look at how Tywin manipulates situations
104. 6:14to further take the people he interacts with out of a confident state.
105. 6:19First, he often makes people wait before he speaks to them.
106. 6:36This is a tactic that is still used today in negotiations and its purpose is the same.
107. 6:41Making someone wait is a power signal — a circular one.
108. 6:44It says, "We will do things on my time,"
109. 6:47and before the negotiation has even started, both parties have subtly agreed that the person who controls the time that the negotiation begins is more important.
110. 6:55And that has lasting effects on your subconscious which, if you're on the receiving end of this tactic, makes you more likely to negotiate a bad deal.
111. 7:03Dealing with this is a topic for another video
112. 7:05but if you're interested in more techniques to remain confident in situations
113. 7:08where you normally clam up or hesitate or negotiate a bad deal,
114. 7:12you might want to check out our online course, Charisma University.
115. 7:15It covers everything from first impressions to leadership
116. 7:17and of course, there's a hefty chunk on staying confident in those clutch moments.
117. 7:21I've thrown a link in the description if you want to take a look.
118. 7:23Also, it's got a section on body language which is something that Tywin Lannister uses as a weapon.
119. 7:29Check out how he stands over Tyrion when wielding power over him.
120. 7:32You are an ill-made spiteful little creature
121. 7:36full of envy, lust, and low cunning.
122. 7:39Tywin is literally looking down on Tyrion and if you've ever held a conversation while someone stood over you and threatening you,
123. 7:45you know how much more powerful this can make them seem.
124. 7:48But people aren't always sitting and they aren't always dwarves so another way that Tywin makes them feel his domineering presence
125. 7:55is by invading their personal space
126. 7:57and he does this specifically at the exact moment that he's making his big point
127. 8:02so that they're more likely to react to his commands rather than resist them.
128. 8:05Check out how he does it with Jaime here.
129. 8:11The future of our family will be determined in these next few months.
130. 8:15We could establish a dynasty that will last a thousand years.
131. 8:21I need you to become the man you were always meant to be —
132. 8:25not next year, not tomorrow — now.
133. 8:30With regards to changing the scenario, lastly and crucially,
134. 8:34Tywin almost always creates a situation where he gets the last word.
135. 8:38This means that the conversation is closed on his terms.
136. 8:42He does this either by commanding people to leave once he's made his point...
137. 8:45Speak no more of your rights to Casterly Rock.
138. 8:51Go.
139. 9:00...or he does it by leaving the room as soon as he's made his point. He leaves no time or space for argument.
140. 9:05You can drink, you can joke, you can engage in juvenile attempts
141. 9:10to make your father uncomfortable — but you will do your duty.
142. 9:18If you remember last week's video on Littlefinger — link, in the corner right now —
143. 9:21he does the same thing — just more gently.
144. 9:24In either case, the discussion ends on the terms that Tywin and Littlefinger wanted to end on.
145. 9:29So remember, speaking last creates a lot of authority and has tremendous power.
146. 9:34It's also likely to direct the other person's thoughts long after you've left
147. 9:37though, of course, there are advantages to speaking first
148. 9:40in terms of framing a situation so maybe this is a topic that I need to dive deeper in
149. 9:45on another video to uncover all the nuances but for now, remember
150. 9:49that speaking last conveys a lot of power and authority.
151. 9:52So, to wrap this section on body language up, check out this next clip
152. 9:56and see how many of the specific sub-communications of power that you can count.
153. 10:00There are a lot. Here we go.
154. 10:02You're still fertile. You need to marry again and breed.
155. 10:05I am Queen Regent, not some broodmare.
156. 10:07You're my daughter!
157. 10:10You will do as I command and you will marry Loras Tyrell.
158. 10:13And put an end to the disgusting rumors about you once and for all.
159. 10:19Father, dont' make me do this again, plea—
160. 10:20Not another word, my children.
161. 10:26You disgraced the Lannister name for far too long.
162. 10:32Crazy how much is going on, right?
163. 10:34Credit to Charles Dance here for nailing this portrayal but I want to make clear.
164. 10:38Tywin's character is not just about brute force or physical bullying.
165. 10:42He is about strategic shows of force to keep people in line.
166. 10:45And if you look back on the big event of the books,
167. 10:47you'll know that things like the red wedding were brutal
168. 10:50but it left the entire realm in fear of what Tywin would do next should anyone cross him.
169. 10:55Heck, the Martells waited nearly 20 years after Elia's death before enacting their plot for revenge —
170. 11:01that is the power of fear and Tywin knows it.
171. 11:04The northerners will never forget.
172. 11:06Good. Let them remember what happens when they march on the south.
173. 11:12I could go on and on about Tywin's strategic genius
174. 11:15but others have already covered this topic really well
175. 11:17so I'm just going to link to some fascinating theories in the description.
176. 11:20For you Game of Thrones superfans, here are some teasers for what you can see in those videos.
177. 11:24First, Tywin may have covertly planned Aerys' capture at Duskendale way before the books
178. 11:28and planned for his assassination by proxy.
179. 11:31Second, Tywin also likely turned Roose Bolton against Robb Stark
180. 11:35as early as Book 1 which just shows how many steps ahead he was thinking.
181. 11:40If those points meant nothing to you, it's okay; it means
182. 11:42you're just a regular Game of Thrones nerd and not a complete super nerd like me.
183. 11:46Anyway, Tywin is obviously dead at this point which shows his only real flaw
184. 11:51as a player in the Game of Thrones — his blind hatred of Tyrion
185. 11:54which may not be so blind, given the paternity, but leave that aside.
186. 11:57If Tywin had been able to see Tyrion's talents and use them for his own ends,
187. 12:02I think that the Lannisters would still be totally dominating
188. 12:05with Tywin as the power behind Joffrey's throne just as he was with Aerys —
189. 12:09only this time, Tywin probably would have removed the Mad King much sooner.
190. 12:13So I hope that you enjoyed learning why Tywin is such a beast.
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