Patrice O'Neal - Tools & Techniques — Transcript

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1. 0:00I say in shoulder [ __ ] as many times as
2. 0:02you want you get coffee this check it
3. 0:05hello oh yeah he means he needs
4. 0:12step 10 right now I said gone to [ __ ]
5. 0:15and say I bet you your titties are
6. 0:17sweaty underneath no way to do that
7. 0:24picture we said he was all right there's
8. 0:28no one right happen he could do that he
9. 0:31doesn't have the confidence to do that
10. 0:33but that's how he gets tough he doesn't
11. 0:37say it
12. 0:38I have day doing it to him I say just go
13. 0:40out and say hello hi how you doing to 20
14. 0:43[ __ ] a day I say 20 women a day cuz
15. 0:46he's putting too much weight on it
16. 0:47because because he needs to talk to
17. 0:50[ __ ] he hasn't had none of you
18. 0:52[ __ ] gay right that's that [ __ ]
19. 1:06fart effects race with man with no
20. 1:07intention to get the [ __ ] just get it
21. 1:10just to get the 20 in want to get 20
22. 1:12you're preparing him for almost a it's a
23. 1:16rejection that can harm them if he comes
24. 1:19that way now we're talking to different
25. 1:22here Dante from two different mumbles of
26. 1:26thought I say tell a [ __ ] you look like
27. 1:30your brush thing like I said I'm a bear
28. 1:38hunter Dante I go up and I got a trap
29. 1:41and a bat Dante goes up with water and
30. 1:44honey and quiet shoes slippers and a
31. 1:52girl's conference I go to a bear who's
32. 1:54ready to fight anyway and I go you make
33. 1:57me sick you goofy bear and everything
34. 1:59and then I'm [ __ ] I got all my bags
35. 2:02in ahead with it so my thing is I
36. 2:04prepare for rejection because my thing
37. 2:06and I believe I could turn hating the
38. 2:08love emotion is emotion right so Mary my
39. 2:11theory dog is
40. 2:13like okay I get the [ __ ] at her highest
41. 2:16level of hatred for me and then turn it
42. 2:18around but he should get used to
43. 2:21animosity from Big Easy's to go to the
44. 2:24school of manager I've gotten a number
45. 2:30of a chick cuz I said hey you know I
46. 2:31think I'm somewhat attracted to you and
47. 2:35[ __ ] right there yeah but is then a
48. 2:39makes your breath sing it is backhanded
49. 2:42but it ain't man huntin it still says
50. 2:44she was like what I was like I think
51. 2:46it's a somewhat attractive tired I drove
52. 2:52up I said I said that I'm somewhat
53. 2:55attracted to you and she said what we
54. 3:00mean summer I said well I'm just being
55. 3:01honest I just pull up next to the car I
56. 3:16know it you know and a big afro and I
57. 3:19said let me say something you look these
58. 3:21cars nice I'm sitting there trying to
59. 3:23figure out if I like that dumb hairdo it
60. 3:32down and say [ __ ] your haircut - I could
61. 3:36probably get a better barber [ __ ] but
62. 3:38my haircut don't matter as much as yours
63. 3:40I should meet with you don't have a man
64. 3:42to tell you your [ __ ] hands that
65. 3:44[ __ ] up good hey I'm sorry I'm sorry
66. 3:55explain to her you know back in high
67. 3:57school [ __ ] punch in the arm he really
68. 3:59liked you I was just I just didn't know
69. 4:01what to say I didn't know what to say
70. 4:03cuz she was because she was so beautiful
71. 4:05I just didn't know what to say goofy
72. 4:09[ __ ] is definitely a different approach
73. 4:16[Laughter]
74. 4:24let me tell you why you're so [ __ ]
75. 4:27stupid guys sit here all day long and
76. 4:31this is what we do we [ __ ] go back
77. 4:35and forth about different ways to get a
78. 4:37[ __ ] you sweat you shut up on that
79. 4:44hairy fish and just judge the lines that
80. 4:59they're judging now yeah like me you got
81. 5:01this [ __ ] you saying this what we gonna
82. 5:02say this is what I'll say this would you
83. 5:03say and y'all sitting back until we get
84. 5:06hit with it and so we going back and
85. 5:08forth like true peers about this [ __ ]
86. 5:12and then but that's not my man that we
87. 5:16just talk to he has to look at it like
88. 5:18that cuz that's what it is it is special
89. 5:20to us something we want to pop hey pop
90. 5:24vagina smack we make it too special it's
91. 5:27just to you and to you cuz you keep
92. 5:30talking about it's special because we
93. 5:32try to [ __ ] it like food but it ain't
94. 5:38necessary it ain't better than my dick
95. 5:44we all do the same thing with it pee
96. 5:47with it and [ __ ] with what else you do
97. 5:49that besides a baby or some blood that's
98. 5:55God God into you my dick is hard organ
99. 5:59solve IP with it and that is it and I
100. 6:01put it in you put it in you why is your
101. 6:04pussy's better than
102. 6:05it's like seriously do you look at
103. 6:10retreat we didn't have a girl you need
104. 6:31like a men's retreat like a weekend but
105. 6:34here's the thing you may think is anger
106. 6:36like looking that's why I like carrot
107. 6:38here too by the way cuz carrot can take
108. 6:40a nice beating uh it's not personal it's
109. 6:43frustration I live the frustration of
110. 6:46what y'all do to us this is what this is
111. 6:49not Karen this is not you it's not
112. 6:51popular this isn't every single one of
113. 6:54these [ __ ] out here y'all are
114. 6:57annoying you don't feel like you see us
115. 7:00going back and forth with this trying to
116. 7:02have a concept about [ __ ] what the
117. 7:05legacy meaning and when I'm winning it
118. 7:08all means how to do it and it comes from
119. 7:10market research I had the research hey
120. 7:13what am I gonna change cuz I said the
121. 7:15same thing to every [ __ ] if I saw you
122. 7:17driving through the arm I would say I
123. 7:20would have to read you like I might see
124. 7:23if it's in a BJ's like going to BJ's and
125. 7:26I'll say this I walk by a chicken go
126. 7:28I'll look at it up and down with disgust
127. 7:30and I go never mind you probably got
128. 7:32kids you shopping at BJ's [ __ ] and then
129. 7:36nothing baby go get your own giant
130. 7:39bucket of a mustard for your 16 kids
131. 7:41I don't really for your for your [ __ ]
132. 7:45information you gotta have kids come on
133. 7:47sweetie go get her I'm giant a giant why
134. 7:52are you here [ __ ] you must got
135. 7:53kids no I just did they have these big
136. 7:55steaks on like in the back I'll be out
137. 7:57of here quick matter of fact that's why
138. 7:58I don't have a cart [ __ ] go get your
139. 8:00baby your diapers and your initials oh
140. 8:04I'm sorry
141. 8:09I'm sorry I'm just playing around you
142. 8:12know what you getting ready yeah I'm
143. 8:13just playing with people to get this
144. 8:15because she's emotional emotion oh I
145. 8:17could control him out now [ __ ] the
146. 8:19wait a little bit
147. 8:20yes sir I get with some emotion that's
148. 8:22why tell my girl don't get mad nobody
149. 8:24you ever get mad at Omega that means you
150. 8:27got excess passion you giving away [ __ ]
151. 8:30yeah you're gonna give it to me
152. 8:32the emotions gotta come up and it's got
153. 8:33a garage Danny but his cousin with this
154. 8:38so with white necklace but the peacock I
155. 8:45don't even have to say nothing thing now
156. 8:48this thing that you Dante I brought my
157. 8:50cousins to a show at state of New York
158. 8:53and uh dad they just sat down at the
159. 8:55table didn't even didn't have to say a
160. 8:58word a word my cousin looks at his
161. 9:01[ __ ] stupid rattlesnake necklace to
162. 9:07help with that last night here and
163. 9:09immediately I knew and and and I'm sure
164. 9:11Dante knew too at the same instant she
165. 9:14was hooked and she had just been caught
166. 9:17like his jewelry is is it's it's
167. 9:21meticulous and planned yellow coat today
168. 9:30call it a hat with yellow [ __ ] on it
169. 9:33[ __ ] like yellow that says Koosh by
170. 9:35the way real epiphany I just had just
171. 9:51now he also the present if I'm a hunter
172. 9:54animal on hunt I have to turn them into
173. 9:56animal so if I'm a hunter bear and I
174. 9:59need aggression you gotta get got an
175. 10:01agreement aggression my back in my
176. 10:09bedroom
177. 10:10yeah with the nail in it my poison fish
178. 10:14boys in the madder you wake up lockdown
179. 10:17now have my back
180. 10:19I have my bear hunt I have my bear
181. 10:23hunting tools now if this [ __ ] I
182. 10:25can't just go up and hit a deer in the
183. 10:27back of the head I'll feel bad so I have
184. 10:30to get bear hunting tools so I have to
185. 10:33get a [ __ ] to be a bear I gotta find
186. 10:35them
187. 10:35I gotta get a [ __ ] to go and the
188. 10:37audacity of a fat Moe's mother saying
189. 10:40you look like you're resting when I [ __ ]
190. 10:54when I'm good in the shack what I'm good
191. 10:57in the shack that's the only thing I
192. 11:00told you I don't have I don't have a
193. 11:01baby arm dick if I was blessed God knows
194. 11:03if he gave me a baby or a big havoc
195. 11:05there'll be [ __ ] in here packed like
196. 11:07sardines just elbows you stand there and
197. 11:11you [ __ ] you get on top of a like a
198. 11:13totem pole and y'all just dance right
199. 11:14there and you just if I had a giant dick
200. 11:18this is just a [ __ ] that knows how to
201. 11:20[ __ ] knows how to eat [ __ ]
202. 11:22he knows how to finger pop and land and
203. 11:25not only knows how the trees is the
204. 11:28second best love [ __ ] eater I know cuz
205. 11:35you know what we have we talked about
206. 11:38like girls we would but we just don't
207. 11:43run home we got girls and he's beaten
208. 11:53the Bears I hunt look just like babe
209. 12:06sometimes I [ __ ] with a [ __ ] that you
210. 12:09know she's a bear disguise as dead deer
211. 12:12sometimes I will cross over actual bear
212. 12:19I like big soggy titties I like I just
213. 12:22like certain naughty you know like a
214. 12:26perfect you know sexy uh who's my chick
215. 12:29for me i my girl got mad at because she
216. 12:32knows who she's in comp with you know
217. 12:35American Idol no no no the chick that's
218. 12:38on now you watching it now I think now
219. 12:42my girl goes you turn that [ __ ] cuz she
220. 12:44had these big giant tits so she goes my
221. 12:47girl know me so well right she goes yeah
222. 12:49you like her like I go come on baby you
223. 12:52know me better than that right and she
224. 12:53knows what I like she goes that wants to
225. 12:56jump off right she knows that if I gotta
226. 12:59eat
227. 13:00I'm grabbing that fat [ __ ] if I'm
228. 13:01hungry I'm grabbing her and but the real
229. 13:04[ __ ] I like for real for real is the is
230. 13:07the other light-skinned one that's the
231. 13:09one that can sing the love of Mike
232. 13:12Skinner
233. 13:13Kimberly listen remember Kimberly locked
234. 13:18it yeah she's all Celebrity Fit Club
235. 13:21right now that's how I like I like she's
236. 13:24pretty fat [ __ ] oh I'm any type of
237. 13:28Phyllis Hyman baby you know yes you got
238. 13:33a kitty reduction Puff Daddy we had a he
239. 13:38beat me to death two hours trying to get
240. 13:41me like mad [ __ ] knowing I made him
241. 13:43go to my sweet fatty calm