Owning Your Own Shadow: The Dark Side of the Psyche — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00“To honour and accept one’s own shadow is a profound spiritual discipline.
2. 0:05It is whole-making and thus holy and the most important experience of a lifetime.”
3. 0:12Robert A. Johnson was an American author and Jungian analyst (a follower of Carl Jung’s
4. 0:17analytical psychology).
5. 0:19At the age of 11, he had a near death experience in a car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
6. 0:25He found that the nothingness, the blackness, was also the ecstatic world, he saw the world
7. 0:32golden in visions.
8. 0:34When they saved his life, and the visions stopped, he could not bear to live.
9. 0:38In therapy, he was convinced to live because without the human faculty, he could not see
10. 0:44the things which he treasured so much.
11. 0:47Robert had a great difficulty with the outer world.
12. 0:50At one point he was known as Parsifal, an innocent fool.
13. 0:54He experienced many slender threads between life and death during his life.
14. 0:59Exploring the inner world helped him tremendously.
15. 1:02His encounter with Jung was decisive, he wrote: “Dr. Jung told me to spend most of my time
16. 1:08alone, have a separate room in the house to be used for nothing but inner work, never
17. 1:13to join any organisation or collectivity…
18. 1:17Dr Jung told me that the unconscious would protect me, give me everything that I needed
19. 1:21for my life and that my one duty was to do my inner work.
20. 1:26All else would follow from this.
21. 1:28He said it was not the least important whether I accomplished anything outwardly in this
22. 1:32life since my one task was to contribute to the evolution of the collective unconscious.”
23. 1:39At the age of 54, and feeling lost in his life, Robert visited India alone.
24. 1:45After a long and exhausting trip, and having lost his luggage, he went to his hotel and
25. 1:51wanted nothing else than to sleep the whole day.
26. 1:54He looked outside the window, and was struck by the beauty of the sight.
27. 1:58He experienced the golden world a second time, after many decades.
28. 2:03He was given a second chance.
29. 2:05If you trust the inner world, it will take care of you.
30. 2:09The golden world is there all the time, it is a misconception to think that we produce
31. 2:14it or earn it.
32. 2:16It is not some other place or time, but a state of consciousness, an experience open
33. 2:21to anyone, at any time, and at any place.
34. 2:25The Kingdom of Heaven is within.
35. 2:28Robert has published books such as: He: Understanding Masculine Psychology, She: Understanding Feminine
36. 2:35Psychology, and Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, among others.
37. 2:43We will be focusing on the third one.
38. 2:45In our times, the water of life lies not in the external world, but rather within.
39. 2:51The exploration of our inner world is the most important task in our lives.
40. 2:56For this, one must go beyond the ego (what we are and know consciously), and delve into
41. 3:02the shadow.
42. 3:03Robert refers to Jung’s early usage of the term, the part of us we fail to see or know
43. 3:09(anything that is part of the unconscious).
44. 3:12There are many misconceptions regarding the concept of shadow.
45. 3:16It is commonly seen as evil, dark and something to be avoided.
46. 3:20However, this is not the case.
47. 3:23The shadow is not a detached thing that is not part of oneself, or the embodiment of
48. 3:28the devil.
49. 3:29It is a part of you.
50. 3:31It cannot, and should not be avoided, for you will be going against yourself.
51. 3:36We all have a shadow walking behind us (both literally and metaphorically).
52. 3:41It is the mirror image of ourselves that we cannot see.
53. 3:44It represents those aspects that we lack.
54. 3:47It has a compensatory role that seeks to restore our wholeness of personality.
55. 3:52For instance, the shadow of a criminal would not have murderous impulses, but the opposite,
56. 3:59sincerity, relatedness, tenderness, etc.
57. 4:03The shadow of a shy person would be assertiveness, commitment, responsibility, etc.
58. 4:10By displaying only the pleasant parts and highlights of oneself, and by denying one’s
59. 4:15emotions and inner feelings, because one wants to, for example, be likeable or avoid conflict,
60. 4:22one will build resentment that will go directly to the shadow and be projected onto others
61. 4:27unconsciously.
62. 4:28We must recognise that we are capable of both good and evil.
63. 4:33That is the only reality.
64. 4:35To deny darkness is to deny half of oneself.
65. 4:39With this in mind, most of us strive for a life of goodness, tranquillity and happiness.
66. 4:46The shadow is not to be seen as our enemy, but our friend.
67. 4:50It contains pure gold waiting to be integrated into our personality.
68. 4:56The shadow only becomes hostile when it is ignored or misunderstood, that is when it
69. 5:01takes control of us, because we are not willing to.
70. 5:05You can either be led and guided in life by your shadow, or be dragged through life by
71. 5:10it, leading to neurotic behaviour.
72. 5:13It is not good that makes holy, it is the union of both good and evil that gives way
73. 5:18to the transcendent.
74. 5:20So, how does the shadow originate?
75. 5:24Our refused and unacceptable characteristics do not go away; they only collect in the dark
76. 5:29corners of our personality.
77. 5:32When they have been hidden long enough, they take on a life of their own—the shadow life.
78. 5:37If it accumulates more energy than our ego, it erupts as an overpowering rage.
79. 5:43Someone once told Jung, “how do you find your shadow?”
80. 5:47He replied, “how do you find the dragon that has swallowed you?”
81. 5:52By definition the shadow is a part of you that you don’t know.
82. 5:56You don’t talk about your own shadow.
83. 5:58If you can talk about it, it is already conscious and no longer shadow.
84. 6:03As such, other people are more likely to see your shadow first, an embarrassing reality.
85. 6:09We are all born whole, but somehow culture demands that we live out only part of our
86. 6:14nature and refuse other parts of ourselves.
87. 6:17We divide the self into an ego and a shadow because our culture insists that we behave
88. 6:22in a particular manner.
89. 6:25This is our legacy from having eaten of the fruit of the tree of knowledge in the Garden
90. 6:29of Eden, gaining consciousness of good and evil.
91. 6:33The shadow can also be seen as sin, and the self as the figure of Christ.
92. 6:38Culture is the great levelling process, it brings everyone down to the same level.
93. 6:43This means that also some of the pure gold of our personality goes into the shadow.
94. 6:48Robert writes: “Curiously, people resist the noble aspects
95. 6:52of their shadow more strenuously than they hide the dark sides.
96. 6:56To draw the skeleton out of the closet is relatively easy, but to own the gold in the
97. 7:01shadow is terrifying.
98. 7:03It is more disrupting to find that you have a profound nobility of character than to find
99. 7:08out you are a bum.”
100. 7:11Ignoring the shadow is to ignore the inner gold.
101. 7:14And many only discover their gold when they suffer from severe or life-threatening illness.
102. 7:20This intense experience shows us that an important part of us is lying dormant.
103. 7:25The archetype of the wounded healer is one who has learned to cure himself and find the
104. 7:31gold in his experience.
105. 7:32This is typically the role of the shaman who often falls ill only to gain the insight needed
106. 7:38to heal himself and bring wisdom to his people, the elixir of life.
107. 7:44As we reach adulthood, we have a clearly defined ego and shadow, a system of right and wrong.
108. 7:51The religious task is to restore the wholeness of personality.
109. 7:55Religion means to put things back together again, to connect whatever is fractured.
110. 8:00This is the job of the religious life.
111. 8:03We modern people are broken within.
112. 8:06The truth is hard to bear and we do not want to hear that there’s something in the world
113. 8:10more important than our ego.
114. 8:12Something needs to die, not our bodies, but the ego.
115. 8:17Robert writes: “Generally, the first half of life is devoted
116. 8:21to the cultural process—gaining one’s skills, raising a family, disciplining one’s
117. 8:26self in a hundred different ways; the second half of life is devoted to restoring the wholeness
118. 8:32(making holy) of life.”
119. 8:35Robert uses the image of the teeter-totter or seesaw to illustrate our personality.
120. 8:41On the right side we have our acceptable qualities (the righteous side), and on the left side
121. 8:46we have those qualities that are unacceptable (the forbidden side).
122. 8:51No quality can ever be discarded, it can only be moved between these two sides of the seesaw.
123. 8:57A law prevails that most of us choose to ignore completely.
124. 9:01The seesaw must be balanced if one is to remain in psychic equilibrium.
125. 9:06If one indulges characteristics on the right side, they must be balanced by an equal weight
126. 9:11on the left side.
127. 9:12The reverse is equally true.
128. 9:14This instability is what causes mood swings or suddenly acting as a completely different person.
129. 9:21On the other hand, if the seesaw is too heavily loaded, it may also break at the centre point.
130. 9:27This is a psychosis or “breakdown”.
131. 9:30While we take the balance of say, our body temperature, for granted – we rarely recognise
132. 9:35that the psyche also has its way of keeping a balance.
133. 9:40This idea is illustrated in a medieval manuscript of the tree of knowledge produced from Adam’s navel.
134. 9:46On the left, the Virgin Mary is clothed as a nun, picking fruit from the tree and handing
135. 9:52it out to a long line of penitents for their salvation.
136. 9:56Eve, naked, stands on the right, picking fruit from the same tree, handing it out to a long
137. 10:01line of people for their damnation.
138. 10:04This single tree gives a dual product.
139. 10:07Whenever we pluck from the fruit of creativity, our other hand plucks the fruit of destruction.
140. 10:13We would love to have creativity without destruction, but that is not possible.
141. 10:18Our resistance to this insight is very high.
142. 10:22The prevailing attitude of goodness or sainthood is to live as much as possible on the right
143. 10:27hand, the good side, of the seesaw.
144. 10:30But such a condition would be unstable.
145. 10:33The holy place is the centre point.
146. 10:36While we must hide our dark side from society, we should never hide it from ourself.
147. 10:41Robert writes: “Of course we are going to have a shadow!
148. 10:44St. Augustine, in The City of God, thundered, ’To act is to sin.’
149. 10:49To create is to destroy at the same moment.
150. 10:52We cannot make light without a corresponding darkness.
151. 10:56India balances Brahma, the god of creation, with Shiva, the god of destruction, and Vishnu
152. 11:02sits in the middle keeping the opposites together.
153. 11:05No one can escape the dark side of life, but we can pay out that dark side intelligently…
154. 11:11The balance of light and dark is ultimately possible – and bearable.”
155. 11:17This is one of Jung’s great insights: that the ego and the shadow come from the same
156. 11:22source and exactly balance each other.
157. 11:25To make light is to make shadow; one cannot exist without the other.
158. 11:30“To own one’s own shadow is to reach a holy place – an inner centre – not attainable
159. 11:36in any other way.
160. 11:38To fail this is to fail one’s own sainthood and to miss the purpose of life.”
161. 11:44It is not perfection that we must strive for, but wholeness – this is how the joy of life
162. 11:50is created.
163. 11:51It is embracing our own humanity, our strengths and flaws, and not a one-sided goodness that
164. 11:57has no vitality or life.
165. 12:00Robert writes: “I remember a weekend when I put up with
166. 12:03very difficult guests who stayed days beyond their invitation.
167. 12:08I exercised herculean patience and courtesy and sighed in great relief when they left.
168. 12:14I thought I had earned something nice by my virtue so I went to the nursery to buy something
169. 12:20beautiful for my garden.
170. 12:22Before I knew what was happening, I picked a fight with the nurseryman and made a miserable
171. 12:27spectacle of myself.
172. 12:29Since I did not pick up my shadow consciously, I landed it on this poor stranger.
173. 12:34Balance was served, but in a clumsy and stupid way.”
174. 12:39One has to honour one’s shadow, for it is an integral part of oneself; but one must
175. 12:44not push it onto someone else.
176. 12:46The shadow will claim its dues in some form, intelligent or stupid.
177. 12:51Projection is always easier than assimilation.
178. 12:54It is only possible to do one’s best and live a decent civilised life if we acknowledge
179. 13:00this other dimension of reality.
180. 13:02We all have the potential for evil, that is what unites all of us.
181. 13:07Those who deny this, are often those who fall prey to their own shadow.
182. 13:11To refuse the dark side of one’s nature is to store up or accumulate the darkness;
183. 13:18this is later expressed as a black mood, psychosomatic illness, or unconsciously inspired accidents.
184. 13:25“We are presently dealing with the accumulation of a whole society that has worshiped its
185. 13:30light side and refused the dark, and this residue appears as war, economic chaos, strikes,
186. 13:37racial intolerance.
187. 13:39The front page of any newspaper hurls the collective shadow at us.
188. 13:43We must be whole whether we like it or not; the only choice is whether we will incorporate
189. 13:47the shadow consciously and with some dignity or do it through some neurotic behaviour.”
190. 13:53The tendency to see one’s shadow “out there” in a specific person or a group of
191. 13:58people is the most dangerous aspect of the modern psyche.
192. 14:01Not only does it affect others negatively, but also oneself.
193. 14:05It is only by taking the shadow back into one self, that one can assimilate it.
194. 14:10It must return to where it first originated and where it is required for your own wholeness.
195. 14:15It is common for two people’s shadows to be at each other.
196. 14:19This rarely leads anywhere, as both of them are entirely at the mercy of the unconscious.
197. 14:24To be in the presence of another’s shadow and not reply is nothing short of genius.
198. 14:30Goethe’s Faust is a great example in literature of the meeting of ego and shadow.
199. 14:36Faust is a scholar who finds that life is meaningless and contemplates suicide, his
200. 14:41seesaw has reached the breaking point.
201. 14:43At this moment, he meets with his shadow, Mephistopheles.
202. 14:47Through their perseverance, Faust is saved from his lifelessness and becomes capable
203. 14:53of passion, and Mephistopheles discovers his capacity to love.
204. 14:57Love is the one word in our Western tradition adequate to describe this synthesis of ego
205. 15:03and shadow.
206. 15:04One of the hardest things to understand is that we often refuse to accept our noble traits
207. 15:09and instead find a shadow substitute for them.
208. 15:11“People are as frightened of their capacity for nobility as of their darkest sides.
209. 15:16If you find the gold in someone he will resist it to the last ounce of his strength.
210. 15:21This is why we indulge in hero-worship so often.”
211. 15:26All our energy lies in our shadow and ignoring it makes us feel lifeless, exhausted and lazy.
212. 15:31A confrontation with one’s shadow fills one up with energy and stamina, which we can
213. 15:37use for our daily tasks and work.
214. 15:39Robert writes: “A wise woman once showed me how to get
215. 15:43more energy when I complained that I was exhausted before lecturing.
216. 15:47She instructed me to go to a private room just before the talk, take a towel, dampen
217. 15:52it so it would be very heavy, then throw the towel, wrapped up into a ball, at the floor
218. 15:57as hard as I could—and shout.
219. 16:00I felt infinitely foolish doing this, for it is not my style.
220. 16:04But when I walked out to the lecture platform after such an exercise there was fire in my eyes.
221. 16:11I had energy and stamina and voice.
222. 16:14I did a courteous, well-structured lecture.
223. 16:17The shadow backed me but did not overwhelm me.”
224. 16:21Parrots learn profanity more easily than common phrases since we utter our curses with so much vigour.
225. 16:28The parrot doesn’t know the meaning of these words, but he hears the energy invested in them.
226. 16:33Even animals can pick up on the power we have hidden in the shadow!
227. 16:38In middle age one gets tired of the involuntary round trips between the two ends of the see-saw.
228. 16:44To our surprise, that middle ground is not the grey compromise that we feared but the
229. 16:48place of ecstasy and joy.
230. 16:50If we learn how to take the energy of the shadow and use it correctly, it can set the
231. 16:55stage for a whole new phase of life.
232. 16:58In a shadow ritual, one must find one of the left-hand contents and give it expression
233. 17:03in some way that does not damage the right-hand personality.
234. 17:07One can offer a sacrifice in multiple ways, such as writing the shadow material down and
235. 17:13then burning the paper.
236. 17:14A symbolic or ceremonial ritual affects one as much as any event, as long as it means
237. 17:20something for you.
238. 17:22All healthy societies have a rich ceremonial life to pay out their shadow in a symbolic
239. 17:27way, through fasting, sacrifice, sexual abstention, etc.
240. 17:33We must acknowledge the whole of reality, destruction and creation, evil and redemption.
241. 17:38Our fondness for the light blinds us to the greater reality and keeps us from this larger
242. 17:44vision of wholeness.
243. 17:46Paradox is that water of life we need so badly in our modern world.
244. 17:50All the great myths give instructions on this subject and remind us that the treasure will
245. 17:55be found in one of the least likely places.
246. 17:59Strangely, the best can come from the most neglected quarter.
247. 18:03We will go to almost any length to avoid this painful paradox; but in that refusal we only
248. 18:09confine ourselves to the useless experience of contradiction.
249. 18:13Contradiction brings the crushing burden of meaninglessness.
250. 18:17One can endure any suffering if it has meaning; but meaninglessness is unbearable.
251. 18:22Contradiction is barren and destructive, yet paradox is creative.
252. 18:27It is a powerful embracing of reality.
253. 18:30Every human experience can be expressed in terms of paradox.
254. 18:33Day is comprehensible only in contrast to night.
255. 18:37Masculinity has relevance only in contrast to femininity.
256. 18:40Activity has meaning only in relation to rest.
257. 18:43Up is only possible in the presence of down.
258. 18:46Where would I be without you?
259. 18:48Where is joy not bounded by sobriety?
260. 18:51To advance from opposition (always a quarrel) to paradox (always holy) is to make a leap
261. 18:58of consciousness.
262. 18:59That leap takes us through the chaos of middle age and gives a vista that enlightens the
263. 19:05remaining years of life.
264. 19:07Winning and losing, eating and fasting, earning and giving – these are not opposites, but
265. 19:13are all necessary to the human condition.
266. 19:16Everyone one of us lives in this contradiction.
267. 19:19So what do we do with this apparently insufferable contradiction?
268. 19:23That is essentially the question that is at the base of every neurotic dissociation and
269. 19:28every psychological problem.
270. 19:30If we go at the question wrongly we are bound in a neurotic paralysis in which we can do
271. 19:35nothing.
272. 19:36We cannot act or be still.
273. 19:39This is where many people stand and their suffering is intense.
274. 19:43Danish philosopher Kierkegaard expresses this as exemplifying the life of the aesthete,
275. 19:48who chases pleasure but is struck with despair.
276. 19:51He writes: “I can’t be bothered.
277. 19:54I can’t be bothered to ride, the motion is too violent; I can’t be bothered to walk,
278. 19:59it’s strenuous; I can’t be bothered to lie down, for either I’d have to stay lying
279. 20:04down and that I can’t be bothered with, or I’d have to get up again, and I can’t
280. 20:09be bothered with that either.
281. 20:12In short: I just can’t be bothered.”
282. 20:15Kierkegaard, too, believes that paradox is the solution to despair, which can only be
283. 20:20found in taking the leap of faith towards God.
284. 20:24To think that one way of action is profane and another sacred is to make a terrible misuse
285. 20:29of language.
286. 20:31This is a flaming, flagrant error and is the seat of most of the neurotic suffering in
287. 20:35humankind.
288. 20:37Religion bridges or heals, it restores and reconciles the opposition that have been torturing
289. 20:42each of us.
290. 20:43It helps us move from contradiction—that painful condition where things oppose each
291. 20:48other—to the realm of paradox, where we are able to entertain simultaneously two contradictory
292. 20:54notions and give them equal dignity.
293. 20:58The English poet William Blake also spoke about the need to reconcile both the light
294. 21:03and the dark parts of the self.
295. 21:05He said we should go to heaven for form and to hell for energy – and marry the two.
296. 21:11Most people spend their entire life energy supporting the war of opposites within themselves.
297. 21:16This only brings despair.
298. 21:18In the miracle of the paradox, it is good to win; it is also good to lose.
299. 21:23It is good to have; it is also good not to have.
300. 21:27Each represents a reality, a truth.
301. 21:29To stay loyal to paradox is to earn the right to wholeness.
302. 21:34Fanaticism is always a sign that one has adopted one of a pair of opposites at the expense
303. 21:40of the other.
304. 21:41The high energy of fanaticism is a frantic effort to keep one half of the truth at bay
305. 21:46while the other half takes control.
306. 21:48This always yields a brittle personality of “always being right.”
307. 21:54But what has paradox to do with the shadow?
308. 21:56It has everything to do with the shadow, for there can be no paradox—that sublime place
309. 22:01of reconciliation—until one has owned one’s own shadow and drawn it up to a place of dignity
310. 22:07and worth.
311. 22:09To own one’s own shadow is to prepare the ground for spiritual experience.
312. 22:14Conflict to paradox to revelation; that is the divine progression.
313. 22:19Who does not spend much of his time debating whether to do the disciplined task or to goof
314. 22:24off a bit longer and stay in dreamy “nowhere”?
315. 22:28Neither is holy; but exactly in the paradox between them lies the holy place.
316. 22:33To be in a situation where there is no way out, or to be in a conflict where there is
317. 22:37no solution, is the classical beginning of individuation or self-realisation.
318. 22:43In this state, the unconscious wants the hopeless conflict in order to put ego-consciousness
319. 22:48up against the wall, so that one has to realise that whatever one does is wrong.
320. 22:54This is an act of humility, that invites one to see beyond the ego, to that which is greater
321. 23:00than ourselves.
322. 23:03We know that the mandala is the holy circle that represents wholeness, the Self.
323. 23:08Mandalas are devices that remind us of our unity with God and with all living things.
324. 23:14In Tibet a teacher often draws a mandala for his student and leaves him to meditate on
325. 23:19this symbol for many years before he gives the next step of instruction.
326. 23:24The mandorla, however, is an idea that is rarely talked about.
327. 23:28The mandorla also has a healing effect, but its form is somewhat different.
328. 23:33It is an almond-shaped segment that is made when two circles partly overlap.
329. 23:38This symbol signifies nothing less than the overlap of the opposites that we have been
330. 23:43investigating.
331. 23:45It instructs us how to engage in reconciliation.
332. 23:48We can often see Christ or the Virgin Mary in its centre.
333. 23:52By definition, Christ himself is the intersection of the divine and the human.
334. 23:58He is the prototype for the reconciliation of opposites and our guide out of the realm
335. 24:03of conflict and duality.
336. 24:05When one is tired or discouraged by life that one can no longer bear to live, the mandorla
337. 24:11shows what one may do.
338. 24:13When the most herculean efforts and the finest discipline no longer keep the painful contradictions
339. 24:18of life at bay, we are all in need of the mandorla.
340. 24:22Our own healing proceeds from that overlap of what we call good and evil, light and dark.
341. 24:28It is not the light element alone that does the healing; the place where light and dark
342. 24:32begin to touch is the most profound religious experience we can have in life.
343. 24:39We like to think that a story is based on the triumph of good over evil; but the deeper
344. 24:44truth is that good and evil are superseded and the two become one.
345. 24:50When one is truly both a citizen of heaven and earth, one finally realises that there
346. 24:55was only one circle all the time.
347. 24:57This is the fulfilment of the Christian goal.
348. 25:01The two circles were only the optical illusion of our capacity and need to see things double.
349. 25:07If one makes a mandorla in the privacy of one’s interior life, it is heard for more
350. 25:12than a thousand miles.
351. 25:14People often asked Jung, “Will we make it?”
352. 25:17referring to the cataclysm of our time.
353. 25:20He always replied, “If enough people will do their inner work.”
354. 25:24The acknowledgement of one’s shadow diminishes shadow projection and helps to contribute
355. 25:29less to the general darkness of the world by not adding to the collective shadow that
356. 25:34fuels war, division and strife.
357. 25:38But we also prepare the way for the mandorla, that ultimate place of wholeness in one’s
358. 25:43inner life, the great prize of human consciousness.
359. 25:48“In the Four Quartets, T.S. Eliot writes,
360. 25:51‘The fire and the rose are one.’
361. 25:54By overlapping the two elements of fire and flower, he makes a mandorla.
362. 25:59We are pleased to the depth of our soul to be told that the fire of transformation and
363. 26:04the flower of rebirth are one and the same.”