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Overcoming Fear, Shame & Self-Sabotage for Lasting Change with Anastasia Gerali — Transcript

by The Intrinsic Mindset Podcast - Paul Nelhart · 9,031 words · 1,251 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00hi Anastasia thanks for joining today
0:02thanks for having me
0:03Paul absolutely so welcome to the
0:06intrinsic mindset show and uh really
0:08looking forward to kind of diving in a
0:10few different subject matters with you I
0:12know that from basically from The
0:15Exchange we we've had and sometimes with
0:17podcasting it's uh maybe it's a referral
0:19and everything but we came from there's
0:20a mutual community that we've we came
0:22from so I get to see a little bit of
0:24your story in writing but it's always so
0:26much better to share and exchange those
0:28stories and I know that you have to I'm
0:30going to call it a roller coaster but I
0:31feel like that's not fair we all have
0:33those ups and downs and you are very
0:36dedicated to Healing I do want to jump
0:38into the psychospiritual mentor I
0:41believe you have an a teacher Soul path
0:43Mentor I I genuinely love that so we'll
0:46kind of jump into it from here and I
0:49really just want to start with your
0:50story I think that's a great place to
0:52start and we'll grow and flow from there
0:54yeah I I think it's fair to say that
0:56it's been a roller coaster and as
1:00someone who is in this line of work the
1:04work of teaching other coaches and
1:07counselors and therapists as well I was
1:10diagnosed with bipolar quite early on in
1:13life in my early 20s it has been a
1:16roller coaster been a really interesting
1:19Journey learning to coexist with that
1:23and to thrive despite it I'm a real
1:27believer that we can reprog ourselves to
1:31any level so nothing limits us
1:34absolutely
1:36nothing yes I love that and if I may
1:40actually even ask about kind of just
1:41that bipolar in a sense so this is when
1:43you were saying that it was almost a
1:45feeling or not quite a vision but is
1:47really the idea of experiencing Duality
1:50and there is a power in that too and I
1:53guess when we're talking reprogramming
1:54or reframing to experience the duality
1:57of the high and the low within a subset
2:00or an idea or or vocation or location in
2:03life being able to be the Observer and I
2:06don't want to assume anything and maybe
2:08this is something you can add on to it
2:09but I I could imagine you could get lost
2:12in either side and have the the pull and
2:15Back in Forth where really is a
2:17tormenting process or if you're able to
2:21find the the middle of an observation
2:24and and see I'm experiencing this I'm
2:26feeling this side I'm feeling this side
2:27to be the observer in there could be a
2:30real superp to reframe and reprogram
2:32that you actually framed that really
2:34beautifully um and becoming the Observer
2:39that is a practice that is a lifelong
2:42practice which I actually think is
2:45relevant to everyone you know to not let
2:49life's circumstances because uh maybe in
2:52this particular case it's your internal
2:55world that has this extreme Duality but
2:59life can give us that as well right so
3:02it's really about um becoming the
3:05observer in our life and to our patterns
3:09and to our default programming you know
3:12what is my default setting that I Am
3:15Naturally inclined to have a preference
3:17to respond with and how can I dissolve
3:23that automatic response and start to be
3:28more conscious in how I respond because
3:33then it has everything to do with how I
3:37perceive how I receive and how I show up
3:41and how I deliver in the world as well
3:44which has a ripple effect into every
3:46area of your life and the outcomes as
3:48well as a result of
3:50that absolutely and you you actually
3:52touched on something too were and maybe
3:54it was just the way I interpreted it it
3:56was almost you touched on the external
3:57of that as well because we were kind of
3:59touching on the polarized aspects of
4:00those dualities but there was also the
4:02world itself has influence so there is
4:04an externalization there's the internal
4:06world and that is to be the Observer
4:08within the internal world is superpower
4:10but to have the external World there are
4:12influences there are things and and not
4:15and not in the sense of being victimhood
4:16or being necessarily controlled by them
4:18but they're we're co-creating with our
4:20external world all the time and how are
4:23we receiving and how are we creating
4:24those ripples in the pond to your point
4:26and you are a product of your
4:27environment you know your environment
4:30plays such a big role in in who you are
4:33and and how you see the world uh so I
4:37teach what is called um the soul path
4:41iyy which essentially has four pillars
4:44and those four pillars are number one
4:47for me the most important one is a
4:51connection with your higher self so
4:53higher self uh being God being a higher
4:56power um being your God self a higher
4:59power with in you as a channel the
5:01second pillar is aligned
5:05relationships so yes these are
5:08interpersonal relationships professional
5:11relationships as well and probably most
5:13important relationship that you have
5:15with yourself your significant other the
5:18the person that you choose to do life
5:20with the third pillar is your career SLC
5:24creative expression I love for these to
5:27be one and the same thing however some
5:29people have compartmentalized that for
5:32whatever reason and kept them as two
5:34separate things and then the fourth one
5:37which is exactly what we're discussing
5:39right now environment lifestyle does
5:42your lifestyle support your soul path
5:44these are the four pillars or the four
5:46legs of the table essentially which you
5:49are building and if these are out of
5:51alignment that's normally where we tend
5:53to feel out of Harmony out of balance
5:57yeah and the E guys so that definitely
5:58whoever's listening to to should really
6:00explore that um the essence of that too
6:03and thank you for sharing this because
6:04I'd love to really kind of touch on as
6:06much of these as we can I think the
6:08foundationally this is incredible so um
6:11environment is the power of that where I
6:14kind of want to think about that D
6:16because you mentioned reprogramming or
6:18reframing and our environment has an
6:21incredible impact in our daily life and
6:24I guess if you're working with somebody
6:26or you're mentoring somebody is there a
6:28path to change in that environment or
6:31those glacial slow changes you know and
6:34this is obviously relatively it's going
6:36to be at a different location level for
6:39everybody um but sometimes real or
6:41imagined it's real to us at all times
6:44yes when we're feeling the pains and the
6:46high levels of emotions it's real to us
6:48regardless it's imagined or real but um
6:50so the let's just touch on the
6:52environment before we jump to the other
6:53ones because we're already there but I
6:55guess changing that environment um and
6:57that can touch into all sorts of aspects
6:58of life so definitely want to hear your
7:00thoughts but it can be the love it can
7:01be the careers it can be the monies it
7:03could be the health it could be many
7:05different things absolutely and it's
7:08exactly as you say you know it could be
7:10your external environment I've had
7:12clients from the Ukraine which I have
7:16supported before during and and since
7:19them leaving having to leave their War
7:21torn country and then I've had clients
7:24that their toxic or unsafe environment
7:26is their home environment their family
7:28their partner and in terms of how we
7:31change that you asked if it was like
7:34glacial gradual or if it is something
7:37that you can um I guess eject yourself
7:41from and that really has everything to
7:43do with your tolerance level how high is
7:46your tolerance for pain and if you have
7:49been in a toxic environment your whole
7:51life you just don't know any difference
7:54right and normally the people that reach
7:56out to me that have been in toxic
7:59Environ
8:00from childhood they don't know any
8:02different all that they know is that
8:03their soul is uncomfortable where they
8:05are which is why they're looking for
8:08someone something to help them to feel
8:10better and that's normally the people
8:12that reach out to me uh there's no one
8:15size fits all Paul it's completely
8:18unique to you and to how extreme you are
8:24how much uh you are able to tolerate
8:28because even a big change a again
8:30requires a very uh high tolerance for
8:34all the impact that will come with a big
8:38Sudden Change as well I am someone that
8:41is quite Extreme as we said I have
8:43extreme highs and extreme lows so I am
8:46someone that will tend to take big
8:48actions and make big decisions that will
8:51change the trajectory of my life
8:53although I do support people that it's a
8:56more gradual a softer process almost and
8:59there's no one siiz fits all it has
9:02everything to do with your support
9:03system and your tolerance levels yeah I
9:06couldn't agree more there is in essence
9:08how far we're into something so what I
9:11mean by this is there was a book written
9:13about the end of the Cold war with
9:15Russia retreating out of Afghanistan and
9:18the retreat was very costly to them and
9:20you know I don't condone or stand on
9:22anybody's side with war but a very
9:24costly thing but it was the allegory of
9:26the retreat there's the emotional
9:27Retreats that we take or trying get out
9:30of a relationship out of a bad F family
9:32Dynamic out a bad job or career
9:34situation whatever that version is for
9:36ourselves to make that change I really
9:39like that you brought up that pain
9:41tolerance because it it really is an
9:43uncomfortable scenario to become
9:45somebody new or be in Uncharted
9:48territories and then there was another
9:50point you had made about field awareness
9:52the awareness when you're in a
9:54situation and it's all you know to have
9:57perspective outside of that can take
10:00somebody else to do that or it can take
10:01something that's going to jar your life
10:03you know maybe the universe maybe your
10:04higher self like you know just pulls you
10:07out rips you out of that situation and
10:09then you're like what do I do I I I
10:11don't even know what you know and you
10:12feel unstable and you don't have your
10:13feet underneath yeah you know so that
10:15can be a very um I think you articulated
10:18it not a lot of people put the word say
10:20pain tolerance or you know just pain to
10:22it so thank you for kind of recognizing
10:24that aspect of it because it's not
10:26necessarily easy and I think sometimes
10:28people want to put a very
10:30flowery um rainbowy type of of thing to
10:34it like the grass is greener on the
10:36other side or you GNA do is jump the
10:38face yeah or and and don't focus on the
10:41pain you know just Fus on all the nice
10:43little things in the world because then
10:44but you're just burying some of those
10:46deep pains and you're not working
10:47through TR changing the program like you
10:49mentioned there's actually something
10:51that I read many years ago that said
10:54that men tend to struggle to leave
10:58something that they been financially
11:00invested in so you will see men stay in
11:03financially difficult situations for
11:05longer than is necessary and women
11:08struggle to leave situations that
11:09they're emotionally invested in that's
11:12very if we consider the phases of life
11:16every new phase of Life requires a birth
11:19and when you were in your mother's womb
11:22that was your whole world for nine
11:23months that was the world you know it
11:25was this beautiful warm dark liquidy
11:28place where you could hear a heartbeat
11:29where you could hear muffled sounds and
11:32that was safe and your birth through the
11:35birth canal was a scary uh end of world
11:40as you know it situation and then you
11:42were birth into a whole new world with
11:44bright lights and people and sounds and
11:47it really is like that when you are
11:50going through S certain Transformations
11:53it feels like the world as you knew or
11:56at least the world that you built no
11:58longer exist exists and it requires you
12:01to
12:02relearn being in the world in this
12:05different world yeah I think too you
12:08know was kind of a fear of success in
12:10the sense of because I think there's
12:11elements of that where we self-sabotage
12:13in that kind of thought process of a
12:14fear of success I really see a few
12:16different things sometimes it can be a
12:18fear of ownership oh now I have to own
12:20this new life this new thing the other
12:22one is is at a deep level I think when
12:24people are fear and I and success is
12:26subjective so it's not exactly success
12:28but it's change it's kind of the fear of
12:30change and to be in a new place a new
12:33surrounding or to ask for a bigger more
12:36beautiful life that we envision or
12:37whatever that is the person that I am
12:39today won't be the same person in that
12:42scenario whether I like it or not we
12:44have to be or become something different
12:46if we cling on to the old you kind of
12:48touched about that old world that we
12:50don't want to we just got we're white
12:51knuckling the wheel we want to stay
12:53there you know we be kind of being drawn
12:54away from it and that can be scary
12:57because you don't know who you're going
12:58to be but believe that's when you get
13:00into the and I don't want to go off on
13:01another track but even too with the
13:03pillars when you're talking about
13:04Connections relationships the
13:06co-creations and the creative the
13:07Creative Energy if you have confidence
13:10and security within those there is an
13:13element of being I'm GNA be okay and
13:15knowing like the universe has your back
13:17or in these elements and thoughts and
13:20feelings and emotions that tie into that
13:22so sorry I kind of just took the mic and
13:23ran with that but you really kind of
13:25Spar the thought that yeah and and
13:27actually I I have pretty Divine
13:31perspective on everything now that's
13:34definitely not the version of me before
13:37you know when I was going through
13:39certain experiences but I believe that
13:42if it's all God it's all good and God is
13:45always doing things for you to you and
13:47through you for a very specific purpose
13:50so even if it doesn't feel because your
13:53perspective and because your attachment
13:56to certain outcomes even if doesn't feel
14:00good that is good in itself because
14:02that's the trigger that you might need
14:04to say that this is more than I can
14:08tolerate yeah yeah and in Behavioral
14:12Science or even consumer behavioral
14:14patterns the big motivators are self
14:16other and we call systemization or
14:18something there's many systems within
14:19systems the bank systems and what drives
14:21us to do something self and other in
14:24those you get into the concern
14:26surroundings or the security of us what
14:29talked about we touched into the
14:30Divinity of that is almost like a
14:33concern for yourself concern for other
14:34what we may adverse to feeling silly
14:37looking silly stumbling in front of
14:39people and that external other can
14:43sometimes stop people so if you could
14:44add elaborate a little bit the external
14:46environment of concerns of other people
14:48and what they're going to find that
14:51shame seems to be the biggest burden
14:53that people carry you know shame of
14:56failure or fear of being made made a
14:59fool of and like you said even the fear
15:01of success that fear of success also
15:04comes with certain kind of fine print
15:07that well if I change then I will lose
15:11my friends and family they will view me
15:13differently uh and you use the term
15:17self-sabotage which yes is a common
15:19phenomenon people will stop themselves
15:22from being bigger because they're scared
15:26of what that would mean to other people
15:29and in my teachings I teach that shame
15:34is not a real emotion because if we look
15:36at the animal kingdom the only other
15:39animal that appears to feel shame and
15:44guilt is the domesticated dog which has
15:47been trained by us the reason oh
15:50interesting yeah so we teach them that
15:53by punishing them or by shaming them or
15:56guilting them so that we can ulate their
15:59behavior right and that is where shame
16:03comes into play it's being
16:05pre-programmed into us so that it can
16:08manipulate our behavior on the
16:12collective
16:13field yeah wow that's a very powerful
16:16statement and I think with the
16:17manipulation too comes the guilt um I
16:20know that throughout my adulthood and
16:22even childhood I feel like I've suffered
16:23with guilt and and I've let that drive
16:25me or not drive me not taking action
16:28because of some guilt or some dutiful
16:31version of that and the shame I think
16:33some of it can be very subtle from our
16:35families to our school environments to
16:37our work
16:39environments sometimes I believe it
16:41could be intentional because people just
16:42want what they want so they're going to
16:43manipulate and drive and rile people up
16:46to get what they want you being
16:47susceptible to it the shame and the
16:49guilt is a very powerful driver to do
16:52something or dri to not do something an
16:54inhibitor yeah and religion has really
16:56played a really big part in teaching us
16:59um shame and guilt yeah and is a very
17:03like almost in a binary way I think it's
17:04like good bad you know right yes or no
17:07and then it's like here's the rule book
17:09you know follow our rule book and fit
17:11consequence of being wrong is being
17:14ostracized or dying or um you know going
17:19to prison or being stoned or being
17:21burned at the St religion is going to
17:23hell and burning in fire for all
17:25eternity you know there's this which is
17:28I think you touched on really powerful
17:30too is that there can be deep rooted
17:32survival fears that that hit us as well
17:35again real or imagined even if they're
17:37just imagined they're real to us and
17:39sometimes there's stuff that are it's
17:41almost benign or small little decisions
17:43we make and they feel so big they feel
17:47like I'm gonna die if I make this
17:49decision or if I do this that's the
17:51feeling it's not you don't cognitively
17:53think you're really gonna die but yeah
17:54there's a deep feeling in your gut even
17:56what you said sometimes it can be a
17:58subtle as if I do this I will upset my
18:02wife or I will upset you know my mom my
18:05dad um and we almost kind of bypass a
18:10lot of things from a place of people
18:12pleasing as well oh yeah good point and
18:15as you were saying that I was just
18:16thinking of the people pleasing and how
18:18we can kind of dance around and change
18:20ourselves and I know that again I think
18:23we all do this to some level some people
18:25more than others some people less but I
18:27know there's times too I've I've
18:29experienced that I be I show up as a
18:31different person to different people yes
18:34because pacify the situation being like
18:36I don't want somebody to get upset here
18:37because then I gotta deal with it or I
18:40know they're gonna you know kind of fly
18:41out the handle so let's just all kind of
18:43dance around a little bit on eggshell so
18:45we just don't say certain things or you
18:47end up showing up different for
18:49different people and it's exhausting it
18:50is and I think people are empathetic or
18:53they're sensitive and they can feel the
18:55emotions in the environment or the
18:57collective consciousness I I believe
18:59that we do it even more sometimes to
19:01pacify those situations absolutely and I
19:04work with couples as well and this is
19:06something that comes up quite a lot with
19:08couples when um one person feels that
19:12they can't fully be themselves because
19:15the other person is is too sensitive and
19:18then the sensitive person feels that
19:20that person is not being um authentic or
19:24their apology is not sincere you know so
19:28even in the people pleasing there is a
19:30form of manipulation happening um so
19:33that I can Garner your approval as
19:37well oh my gosh yeah I mean
19:40it's it's not that it's sad this is some
19:43of the stuff it's The Human Experience
19:46this is the Beauty and the Divinity of
19:47what we get to experience to these
19:49lifetimes and I guess you know we can
19:52take it and we can learn from those
19:53situations and not be as swayed or
19:56concerned with the external environment
19:58show up more authentically ourselves and
20:00not to jump but I actually do want to
20:02you know go to that you said the career
20:04and the creative the essence of the
20:06creativity and the creative mind or the
20:07seeding the creation energy is so near
20:11and dear to my heart as far as like
20:13talking about that I think it's such a
20:15powerful thing I think there's so much
20:16of the idea of creation energy sometimes
20:20I shouldn't generalize but I think we
20:22are incredibly creative creatures some
20:25of it does fall in those Realms of the
20:27manipulation
20:28I I do believe but to create something
20:31new like I I either don't have this or I
20:33have this and I want to change this I
20:35want to be something there's a creative
20:37path and some of the creativity I I
20:39really see as a much more flow than a
20:41rigid path because the creativity is the
20:44be able to flex through this to be able
20:46to absorb through that through that
20:48process through that journey and and
20:50that comes um as well with us being more
20:55fluid and more flexible as people
20:59right um in terms of our boundaries
21:02because the the term boundary work has
21:05been going around so much and I feel
21:06like it's almost used now as a crutch to
21:11get away with or excuse us not being
21:15considerate of anybody else but myself
21:17you know just like completely turning
21:20inwards to the a the me the eye um and
21:24then you know slapping the label
21:26boundary on it and and it's because I'm
21:29yeah like hiding behind behind
21:31boundaries and I think with creativity
21:33as well because creativity feels like
21:35something that is from your heart you
21:38know it's not something that's a skill
21:42or just a job that is um you know we can
21:45do those things because we have to or
21:48because uh we studied it it doesn't feel
21:51as personal so you will find artists and
21:54creative thinkers and creative people do
21:57tend to be more on the softer sensitive
22:00side and those are the same people that
22:04uh tend to have a negative relationship
22:08with money so there's this belief that I
22:11can't live from the thing that I love
22:14and that is the biggest lie that
22:18beautifully creative people subscribe to
22:21and it becomes a self-fulfilling
22:23prophecy because there's so many people
22:25that believe that uh and live their life
22:28Life by it so they do things that they
22:30don't really want to be doing that
22:31doesn't set their heart and soul on fire
22:33that isn't a real contribution from
22:35their soul to the world to society um
22:40and just living out of alignment oh my
22:42God you said that incredibly beautifully
22:44thank you so much that was awesome
22:46because yes I believe that we can live
22:49these to your point is we can get we'll
22:51use the career and the money I think
22:53it's a great example but we can take a
22:54job a j o and you know you work eight to
22:59four whatever the version of that is and
23:02you show up there but you're not there
23:04yeah and you're not really in a heart
23:08space and you create this Persona and
23:10you drive to work each day or whatever
23:12and I don't want to oversimplify it or
23:13overgeneralize it but you drive and
23:15you're there in body but not in soul
23:17mind and heart and what a
23:21torn over time identity yeah thank you
23:23you become fixed on the identity and
23:26then you have this calling and there's
23:27these callings of being that free flow
23:29of the freedoms and it's like that's
23:31some of the stuff I think that's even
23:32some of the stuff that can be with the
23:33the desire of money is the money is just
23:36the representation of the freedoms that
23:37you can have you're not reliant on those
23:40control sets or whatever you know
23:42whatever that is they create that
23:44relationship that you know I can't have
23:47that because of this and this doesn't
23:49Supply this and that separation yeah is
23:52I I think you said it incredibly well to
23:55it's such a shame and I think people
23:56start to retract too you know the
23:58creative they start to recess in it and
24:01this is a little Veer off but I don't I
24:03want to come back to where we were but
24:04it was like sometimes I a scene
24:06where um you know it's almost like the
24:09creative it can't be done in a vacuum
24:12creativ true creativity is shared and
24:14expressed it's received it transgressive
24:17so I may do something creative and you
24:19read it or hear it or whatever and then
24:21you receive it in a certain way and then
24:22it's passed on through you to somebody
24:24else and we co-create those and it can't
24:25be done in a vacuum by itself so there's
24:28contradiction with the activity so that
24:31uh a creative if you're not expressing
24:34it it's in a vacuum is it's selfish of
24:37you to keep your gifts to yourself you
24:39know like those gifts can only flourish
24:42and Thrive when they're being shared and
24:43actually your gifts can only truly
24:46unfold in service and I just want to put
24:49it out there as well that when we're
24:51talking about creativity we're not just
24:53talking about artart and and music you
24:55can be really creative in startup
24:58businesses you can have a real talent to
25:01help people find their Niche or find
25:03their brand tone of voice that's a gift
25:06as well you can be creative in medicine
25:09as well you can absolutely find
25:11alternative medicines and new ways of
25:13helping people and healing people and
25:15combining different modalities in the
25:18way that you help people to get better
25:20as well so I want us to really expand
25:23our understanding of what creativity is
25:27yeah thank you because it really is I
25:29believe that the creativity so much of
25:31it is in the small things it's not the
25:34big grand gestures or somebody on a
25:36stage or some artist that has a big
25:38sellout show yes of course it's in there
25:40but those are those highlights we don't
25:42see those people that are doing the
25:43small little creative to get to that
25:45space anyway exactly but I do love that
25:47you I love that you said that even in
25:49the business space creating new business
25:51creating new avenues connection points
25:53honestly too is that even in helping to
25:55people Empower within settings we talked
25:57about like a job setting if you can help
25:59people to be really autonomous and find
26:02those internal strengths who they are as
26:04an individual within those sets I mean
26:07there's a creative path there too that's
26:08a beautifully strong and that's more
26:10people than not the populace so that's
26:12the empowering point of of doing the
26:14healing works and things like you're
26:17doing with working with people and
26:18mentoring yeah absolutely so and I think
26:21that this is my creative career you know
26:23this is me being in my full element uh
26:26because I do actually come from a dance
26:29and an art background and I have been in
26:32the past a multi-passionate entrepreneur
26:34I've set up lots of different businesses
26:36like those are skills and talents that
26:38I've naturally developed over time um
26:41and maybe like a talent that I also
26:43naturally heard and I think I was always
26:46trying to find my voice in all those
26:48things and it's really interesting shall
26:53we say that I've come back full circle
26:56to something that I used to love doing
26:58as a little girl and that was writing
27:01poems and now I I feel that my word and
27:06my voice is my gift and I I love it and
27:10the more I do it the more I help people
27:13and activate people that is and that's
27:16actually a beautiful there's a poetry to
27:17even when you say that to kind of coming
27:19back as a child I think the essence of
27:21that too the way I kind of view it we go
27:23through life we have the awe and wonder
27:24as a child everything is an adventure
27:26everything is new see a tree for the
27:29first time and it looks like the Earth
27:30is trying to reach for the sky we don't
27:32know what these things are so you have
27:34that on wonder we go through life we
27:36learn we compound we have experiences
27:39and then the beauty of it as we go on
27:41through life is that we get to bring all
27:43these strengths knowledges and
27:46experiences to retain the Wonder and the
27:48excitement and the adventure as a child
27:50that's one of the biggest superpowers I
27:52really believe people can have and when
27:54we were talking about creativity I
27:56really believe it's in that too it's not
27:57just creative in the sense of you draw a
28:00really nice picture there's a deep
28:02creation energy having the on wonder of
28:04seeing something almost for the first
28:07time but through eyes that you've seen
28:09it many times and I think when you're in
28:11those states of mind um there's just
28:14such a release and and Beauty to it you
28:16can see the same thing you've seen a
28:18hundred times even on a drive your drive
28:22the same way every day there's sometimes
28:25if you're really in those spaces um you
28:27can see a new light a new light we can
28:29see the surroundings and that's exactly
28:32as you described it you know when we're
28:34kind of like on autopilots and I feel
28:36that we do live our life as adults at
28:40least on autopilot and we become so
28:43desensitized to things and therefore
28:47really desensitized to ourselves and the
28:50effect that these things have on us my
28:54modality rapid alignment uh therapy is a
28:57form of hypnotherapy and it's really to
29:00help people to wake up from the trance
29:02that they're under because all these
29:04programs these autopilot programs um
29:08that's a trance that's a trance State
29:10you're living in your Trans State rather
29:12than in your awake state and it's in
29:15your awake state which you can tap into
29:17what you what you described where things
29:20just get created through you you're in
29:22your Flow State and you can see it with
29:25like top performing athletes um and
29:27musicians they talk about the flow state
29:29where you know the lyrics just came
29:31through them or um the movements just
29:34came through their body it's it's almost
29:36as if they were a an outside Observer to
29:39this thing being birthed through them
29:42yeah it could be even a speech it could
29:43be whatever it is a conversation that
29:46really kind of shook me when you said
29:47that because it's almost like there's
29:49bear with me for a second I'm gonna come
29:51back to this but I think in life too
29:53there can be these things where the
29:55sports analogy or whatever like there's
29:57the rule rules but so many things I
29:59believe the rules are really the
30:01opposite you know it's like life's
30:03supposed to be hard and it's not
30:05supposed to be play and that's you know
30:07whatever version of that expectation is
30:09but what you did there too is if we're
30:12in the program State yeah we're actually
30:15in a form of I'm gonna say what I think
30:17people would interpret as being in a
30:20state of hypnosis and then the hypnosis
30:22is actually the awareness of the opening
30:25of that and I love the very concept of
30:28how you laid that out because it's
30:29almost the reverse I think there's
30:31perception of that awareness so it's
30:32whether it's hypnosis some other
30:34modality or breath work or whatever yeah
30:36Sparks and ignites something in somebody
30:39so that's a really cool
30:41Enlightenment I just got is always in
30:43the question the solution is always in
30:46the question all you need to do is ask
30:47the question differently that's the the
30:50one thing that I've learned with working
30:52with the subconscious mind is that you
30:55have all the answers inside you you're
30:58just yes viewing them from the wrong
31:01angle um and there's a book by Paul
31:05Arden um who was a phenomenal uh
31:08Advertiser back in in the early 90s who
31:12wrote a book a small little book really
31:15beautifully designed called whatever you
31:17think think the
31:20opposite yeah they that's whole it's
31:23almost like the philosophical view of
31:25life it's really what is that yeah it's
31:27not even opposition it's just what is
31:29the other side you know reverse the IDE
31:33to the white you know the day to the
31:35night it's that Duality the word that we
31:37started with it really is The Duality
31:40absolutely that came full circle and it
31:42really is asking though so maybe you
31:44know I'm trying to think in a practical
31:45way as if you know if you can kind of
31:48understand you know of what you're how
31:50you're viewing the rules we'll call it
31:51the rule set maybe that's not the right
31:53way but I'm just going to call it the
31:54rule set for lack of a better term right
31:56now how are you viewing this and kind of
31:58why are you viewing this then flip it
32:00and ask the exact opposite for the
32:04understanding like what if the rules
32:05were exactly the opposite right now what
32:08would that mean what would it be and
32:11take that philosophical to yourself a
32:13little bit
32:14Yeah but in positive light instead of
32:18just you know and instead of just trying
32:20to figure out like what because I think
32:22sometimes people do the Devil's Advocate
32:23but they're kind of go like what
32:25negative yeah yeah use the negative what
32:28could go you know I guess the Devil's
32:30Advocate would be the Angel's Advocate
32:32or
32:32something FP the light side of that I
32:35have um an exercise called the truth
32:38exercise and you know whenever we're
32:40stuck it's like okay well let's do the
32:42truth exercise like let's explore what
32:45your truth is like your attachment to
32:48this truth and we start with the truth
32:51is I feel whatever because and then we
32:56go deeper into it what does it validate
32:59what does it give me you know for
33:01example like if I have a pattern of
33:05always losing money let's let's just use
33:08that because that's something that
33:10everyone can resonate with the truth is
33:13I want to lose money right because
33:16consciously we we're frustrated within
33:18like but I don't want this yes but admit
33:20that you do so that we can find out what
33:22it's giving you the truth is I want to
33:25keep losing money because and this gets
33:28really uncomfortable it validates that
33:31I'm no good with money and this is true
33:34and here we start to provide all the
33:36evidence for the case that we've built
33:38for why this is such a strong truth why
33:41this is such a strong case oh it's
33:45really great if this is facilitated
33:47because we can't see our own blind spots
33:49you know and if you're doing it by
33:50yourself you might get frustrated and be
33:52like well that doesn't make sense but if
33:54you're doing it with a professional we
33:56keep going deeper and deeper at least
33:58seven eight layers to let's just say
34:02that I've concluded here because the
34:04truth is that I'm not good enough or
34:06because the truth is that I'm not
34:09capable and that yeah you will know that
34:12you hit the nail on the head because an
34:15emotion comes up to be
34:18relieved it's really really revealing of
34:21your unconscious desires which are
34:23always driving the
34:26truck right right I think to is yeah you
34:29can hit those you definitely hit those
34:31to the point where maybe it's I won't be
34:33loved or I won't be accepted or I won't
34:35be some version of that
34:37rejected yeah I'll be rejected I'll be
34:39ostracized whatever at a really deep
34:42level um we do hit those and I think
34:45that doing those exercises this is going
34:47to come up with actually a couple other
34:48guests on my podcast as well two is the
34:50questions so I'm really glad you brought
34:51that up because the Deep questioning and
34:54I think I'm going to go on the journey
34:57healing we're I believe that we're all
34:59on this journey of self-mastery and I
35:00know that sometimes I've had points
35:02where I've had the journey fatigue or
35:05the the healing fatigue where it's like
35:07I feel like I'm pulling the layers of
35:09the onion I'm like oh there's another
35:11layer okay there's another layer so I'm
35:14not knocking it I I agree it's the
35:16questions but I think it's once you hit
35:18those a feel right it's not that it's a
35:20kind of a shallow Pool A lot of times
35:23it's not that deep if we're digging too
35:26hard maybe we're not ask the right
35:28questions is really where I was trying
35:29to get or we're deflecting or something
35:32like that we're kind of dancing around
35:34the real gut of the pain the root chakra
35:36the solar plexus and that Arena so the
35:39questioning is a very powerful thing I
35:41wanted to really confirm reflect on that
35:43healing journey I truly do believe that
35:46your healing does have an end date and
35:49the reason that I believe this is
35:52because when we're healing what we're
35:54doing is essentially in your book of
35:57life
35:58we are going back to all the chapters
36:01previously where you didn't have the
36:03support where you didn't have the tools
36:06um and maybe where you didn't have the
36:07level of Consciousness to be able to
36:10deal with what needed dealing with at
36:13the time right because life was
36:14happening to you for whatever reason um
36:19and once we've reviewed all those
36:21chapters and we've gone back again and
36:22we've reviewed them again we've done you
36:24know like a childhood healing a million
36:27times and we've done the semantic
36:29healing a million times at some point
36:33you come to a place where you're in the
36:34middle of your book and it's like okay
36:37I've reviewed all those chapters now I
36:40get to step into my Ascension and I get
36:42to step into my what am I consciously
36:45creating moving forward and with these
36:48tools that I've mastered I now am not
36:51healing from life I'm just processing
36:54life I get to process my human emotions
36:57and my experiences it's not a a trauma
37:00trigger anymore oh that's beautiful yeah
37:03because I I fully agree too there is a
37:05sense of that we um we continue to kind
37:08of be addicted to it and there's always
37:09this sense of like you always feel
37:10broken and even too with some of the
37:12modalities or certain areas of
37:14spirituality or teachers and stuff like
37:16that I mean there's an incredible amount
37:18of great ones but there are some that
37:19that's always just it's a c dependent
37:23relationship Rel always need them you
37:26know like you right
37:28I I don't want to be the kind of
37:31therapist that someone needs for the
37:33rest of their life because that's me
37:34being codependent on them to have
37:36clients for the rest of my life and that
37:39re oh go ahead the best teacher
37:42therapist healer Mentor makes themselves
37:45obsolete so that now you become the the
37:49Buddha the guru yeah thank you you
37:52nailed it exactly what I was going to
37:53say too and that is a good
37:55teacher will teach themselves out of
37:58something because you're truly doing it
38:00and I think there can be differences
38:02here too with the coaching and the
38:03mentoring on different levels it's not a
38:04one fit but when you're truly mentoring
38:06teaching or being of service for
38:08somebody you're doing it for their
38:10highest and best and not necessarily
38:13interjecting your pains and your healing
38:16journey in them the dependencies can
38:18start to build in there in those
38:19co-creations but when you're really
38:21doing it for somebody's true highest and
38:23best at their level and have them at the
38:26Forefront of the growth
38:28I do believe that healing can go fast
38:29outow The Mentor in that capacity or
38:32that category but there's another
38:34iteration of that too The Confidant or
38:36whatever can be so I'm really glad we
38:39talked about that too because in the
38:41past we all come across a lot of
38:43teachers healers mentors and sometimes
38:46there is that little bit of an instinct
38:47and I think it is important for people
38:49to recognize too it's not that somebody
38:50a lot of people are bad good whatever it
38:52is not even a judgment thing I think
38:53that some of it is just you and this
38:55other person's um connection Point
38:58listen to your instincts you know
39:00there's if somebody is a good you're
39:02gonna you're gonna know when somebody's
39:03a good Mentor good teacher and things
39:05like that at a really you know really
39:07Comfort little ease ease space um but
39:11then there's that other side of it too
39:13and i' I've seen those as well where it
39:15just feels a little sticky and a little
39:17bit of that gut feeling the little
39:18instinct's a little bit ego maybe from
39:22the person that is you know
39:25helping um I I call them the wounded
39:28healer so in ancient myology Chiron is
39:34um the Healer of healers and he
39:38obviously went through his life with his
39:40childhood trauma so to speak he was
39:42rejected by his mother at Birth because
39:44he was a product of rape and he was
39:47adopted by Zeus and you know given the
39:49best education Etc and he was always
39:52like a high achiever from a place of
39:55needing to overcompensate
39:57from that rejection in the mythology his
40:01friend Hercules
40:03accidentally injures his leg with a bow
40:06and arrow and he couldn't physically
40:09heal himself from that wound so he made
40:11the ultimate sacrifice to give up his
40:15immortality because he just wanted it to
40:18end so I think that that is the end of
40:21the Wounded healer is that they're going
40:24to have to give up something that they
40:27are addicted to that has made them feel
40:30important and valuable and valid and
40:33maybe that's like a sort of ego death
40:35just like allowing it to die and
40:37allowing your students your clients to
40:40outgrow you there's something beautiful
40:43about that because it means that you are
40:44a phenomenal teacher in the same way
40:47that we want our children to outgrow us
40:50we don't want to keep our children in
40:51our shadow right oh that's beautiful
40:54yeah I really enjoy that I feel like
40:56that would be a fun podcast too to talk
40:58about Greek myth bring me back and we'll
40:59have lots more conversations about the
41:02the art we should do that even with the
41:03TA the tales and the fables how they tie
41:05into I I genuinely love that so maybe
41:08maybe we should try to do that in a few
41:09months I want to make sure that I do
41:12touch on some other stuff I did want to
41:13ask you one question about the
41:15psychospiritual Mastery I wanted to hear
41:17from you about the term psychospiritual
41:19kind of what that means or where they
41:22came from a little bit on that I think
41:26it had a to do with my own personal
41:28Journey it came from my own need and it
41:33was from the desire to want to heal
41:35myself that I really went very deep into
41:38psychology and Trauma training uh and
41:41counseling Etc and also uh finding
41:46relief or finding pleasure um in
41:50spirituality and I did find that it's
41:53that beautiful combination and I think
41:55it's maybe down to the way that I view
41:58the world in this Duality um psychology
42:02without
42:03spirituality lacks real depth and
42:06connection to uh your your Limitless
42:10potential because it's very rational and
42:13very logical so there's a limit there
42:16and then spirituality without
42:19psychology um is ungrounded and tends to
42:23be avoidant of some uncomfortable truths
42:28H so you need to bring both of those
42:32into your journey if you want to fully
42:38self-actualize um so that you can create
42:40Harmony so that you can create balance
42:42because the mind can only stretch as far
42:45as it's seen or experience in the realm
42:47of the unknown is Limitless possibility
42:49and potential that's thank you that was
42:52really great because that's almost like
42:53your left side and your right side of
42:54your brain when we get into that as well
42:56too
42:57and I couldn't agree more yeah and the
42:59masculine and The Feminine too and I
43:01think that that would be another big
43:03subject too whereas uh people are
43:04putting it's almost like the boundaries
43:06and stuff people apply different rule
43:08sets and you know hiding behind certain
43:10meanings of stuff but the balance of
43:12those things and the marrying of those
43:13things are such an incredible to
43:16understand both and I think you put it
43:17in the beginning of the god part or
43:19maybe I'm misquoting you you know the
43:21the higher self and of this world and
43:25the two coming together is incredible to
43:27be a teacher you really have to be able
43:28to communicate it too so the psychology
43:31is important of understanding in this
43:32kind of Corporal world that things are
43:35measured categoried and uh cataloged and
43:37that's how I I think some people receive
43:40the information and then you're able to
43:42expand on it in in the deep thought
43:45because there is a point where the the
43:48categories do kind of crumble at a
43:51certain point and and the connective
43:53tissue is that the deep thought and the
43:56Deep connection point
43:58so that's a beautiful way I love the
43:59term that's why I wanted to ask about it
44:01too and so you've had this incredible
44:03journey now I know that we didn't even
44:05get into it at this point but you've
44:07experienced things like divorce and
44:09bankruptcy and deep
44:12depressions and come through that in a
44:14when to use your words in a very
44:15vulnerable way to learn the modalities
44:18and to give some just practical advice I
44:20know we talk about the eagy and those
44:22four pillars are there some other very
44:25small like that next step people can
44:27start to take or self aware do you have
44:30some advice on that path yeah I think to
44:33anyone that is struggling or maybe not
44:36finding answers to their questions I
44:40would highly highly recommend that they
44:44seek support because we can't see our
44:47own blind spots and our very nature is
44:52to grow and evolve in relations so
44:56there's a lot that we can do by
44:57ourselves and then there's a lot that we
45:00need to do in relation so you know seek
45:04out someone to help you to support you
45:07to show you the way out of the
45:11forest and then in terms of you know
45:15some practices for me it's it's not
45:19about trying to fix the problem you know
45:21it's it's not about trying to work from
45:23the outside in it's if you fix the input
45:26the output will fix itself so assume all
45:30the
45:31responsibility because if I'm the
45:33problem I'm the solution if you're
45:35always holding everybody else
45:38responsible there's too many variables
45:40in that equation for something to change
45:43oh that's great I do the more we're
45:46focused internally and we're caught up
45:48in the judgments and everything else the
45:50more that people tend to externalize and
45:52the more we we're able to expand our
45:54hearts there's almost an element of
45:56being able to be ease with the
45:58externalization and the external
45:59environment and and it is really
46:01interesting to kind of watch that I and
46:03I do believe that we can show up in
46:05different aspects of our lives in
46:06different ways like there's some aspects
46:08that we might feel a little broken but
46:10in the same day in the same sentence we
46:12can show up so strong in another aspect
46:14of our life in the heart space the Mind
46:17space or the physical space whatever
46:19those are that's what makes us such a
46:20beautiful creatures and complex creative
46:23higher selves channels absolutely
46:25Channel your higher self your higher
46:27self has all the answers um and your
46:30higher self is is trying to guide you
46:32towards that higher timeline so trust
46:35your intuition trust your gut uh learn
46:38to discern the difference between your
46:40lower self and your higher self so that
46:42you know which part of you to
46:46trust yeah so you know here one last
46:48thing before we end up um kind of
46:50closing out here is I think in that
46:53realm of trust and faith and however we
46:55want to put a word to it is
46:57I think the word surrender um because
46:59this actually came up for me the other
47:01day where I was really fixed on the
47:03expectations I was really upset and I
47:05was just just feeling the weight and the
47:08ickiness and some of it is the
47:09separation of I have this but I want
47:12this and you you know you can get really
47:14fixed in those mindsets you can really
47:16get the and um one of the things I kept
47:20coming back to was I felt like I was
47:22kind of beating my head on the wall a
47:23little bit emotionally and mentally I
47:25kept coming back to it was just a of
47:27just the word surrender and um to kind
47:30of feel it rather than it as an action
47:33yeah you know the that was like okay I'm
47:35gonna surrender and now what is that
47:36action to surrender and I was like wait
47:37a second no that doesn't feel right yeah
47:39it was just the letting go or the
47:42surrender and it's not that it's an
47:43inaction you can have active surrender
47:45but I'd love for you to talk a little
47:46bit about that the thought of that or
47:49the idea of that well yeah I guess in
47:52terms of learning to surrender it's
47:55really about un
47:57becoming uh and like you said Buddhist
48:00philosophy has taught us as well that
48:03it's attachment that um will result in
48:07disappointment because we attach certain
48:10expectations we attach to certain
48:12outcomes and if I don't get exactly that
48:15then you know it's not what I want but
48:18what if what I'm getting is what I need
48:22and not what I want and what I need will
48:24lead me to something so much greater
48:27than I can currently imagine for myself
48:30and ultimately I want us to get to a
48:32place where the conversation of
48:36surrender and the conversation of trust
48:38is no longer necessary like I want us to
48:41be
48:42trustless because whatever is is and we
48:46accept it as it is and we know not trust
48:51we know that it's all happening for us
48:55and it's in presence that you can find
48:59peace that you can find that state of
49:02surrender it's being present because the
49:05only time that we're ever reaching for
49:08what's a good surrender practice and
49:10what's a good trust practice and what's
49:12a good peace practice is when I'm not
49:15being in the present moment and I'm
49:18traveling with my mind to places and to
49:21worst case scenarios which is why I'm
49:23suffering yeah so meditation is a
49:26beautiful practice just to help you to
49:28come back to you and you know I want to
49:31kind of also introduce that anything can
49:34be a meditative practice for us
49:36sometimes when we find ourselves too
49:38much in our mind it's not about sitting
49:40with your legs crossed and trying to
49:42empty your mind maybe you need to chop
49:45wood and carry water you know maybe you
49:46need to break a sweat to come back into
49:49your body to come back to a place where
49:51you can't travel with your mind where
49:54you simply have to be here tired um that
49:58is also meditation that's excellent so I
50:01don't even want to expand on that
50:02because you said that perfect so thank
50:04you so much for joining today uh if
50:06somebody wants to work with you or reach
50:07out what's the best way to find you
50:09Facebook Instagram are really great ways
50:11I'm very active there I also have um a
50:14really great
50:16three-day um event or a three-day kind
50:19of uh um challenge if you will which is
50:23called the soul manifestation code and
50:26you'll be able to learn some of the
50:28tools that we discuss today such as the
50:31truth exercise uh you'll learn a little
50:33bit more about brain patterning and
50:35unconscious desires and you can find
50:37those in the link in the show notes so
50:40that's a free event for anybody to come
50:42beautiful thank you so much thank you
50:44Paul

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