OS ÚLTIMOS MOMENTOS DO LITO — Transcript

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1. 0:01We wanted to try everything.
2. 0:02So, I think unfortunately we sometimes
3. 0:05turn to God when we're in such great
4. 0:07despair, you know?
5. 0:09I don't think I ever prayed so much in
6. 0:12my life; it was the rosary all day long
7. 0:15. People would say, "Oh, do this," and I
8. 0:16did. "Oh, read this," and I read it.
9. 0:19Kneeling, making promises, everything
10. 0:21you can imagine, we did it, and I made
11. 0:24Lito do it with me. And he wanted to as
12. 0:27well, right? I think he became—he used
13. 0:29to say, he wasn't very Catholic, I don't
14. 0:31know what happened, a switch flipped in
15. 0:33him and he wanted to have his little
16. 0:35rosary and everything else.
17. 0:38And there, at the end, when we found out
18. 0:42—to explain to everyone—Lito didn't pass
19. 0:47away from CJD, he passed away from
20. 0:51pneumonia,
21. 0:53>> okay?
22. 0:54>> Okay.
23. 0:55It's important to say that.
24. 0:57Usually, people who have CJD don't die
25. 1:00from the CJD itself, but from
26. 1:02complications.
27. 1:04What happened to him?
28. 1:07I believe, in my opinion—I can't prove
29. 1:10this—that he was cognitive until the end
30. 1:13,
31. 1:14>> okay? But the CJD, in his case, trapped
32. 1:17him inside his own body.
33. 1:20He stopped moving his arms, stopped
34. 1:22moving his legs, and it kept going until
35. 1:24he lost his trunk stability. So he could
36. 1:27no longer, for example, sit up.
37. 1:29>> Yes.
38. 1:30>> And over time, his neck and head too,
39. 1:32>> okay?
40. 1:34When that happened, he lost control of
41. 1:37movement and swallowing.
42. 1:42So he needed to have a, how do you say
43. 1:46it, F?
44. 1:48A tube...
45. 1:49>> nasoenteric.
46. 1:50>> Nasoenteric.
47. 1:51>> A nasoenteric feeding tube.
48. 1:55>> He had made some living wills regarding
49. 1:57what he would agree to and what he
50. 1:58wouldn't.
51. 2:00>> Okay. Lito is so intelligent, so
52. 2:03intelligent, and Fe helped me a lot with
53. 2:07this, that he made both a will and this
54. 2:11living will.
55. 2:13And in his living will, he designated
56. 2:16his doctor as the one responsible for
57. 2:19deciding things.
58. 2:21>> Yes.
59. 2:22>> And not me,
60. 2:23>> because he knew me and knew I would go
61. 2:26with him
62. 2:27>> and do anything until the end.
63. 2:28>> Until the end.
64. 2:30So I was ready to stay with Lito for 4,
65. 2:335, 6, 10, 15, 20 years in a wheelchair,
66. 2:36whatever it took.
67. 2:39We were, we were moving, I had the whole
68. 2:41house adapted.
69. 2:42>> Uh-huh.
70. 2:43>> Right? I had the doorways widened so he
71. 2:45could get through in a wheelchair and
72. 2:48everything else. We were already moving
73. 2:50house so we could have him there. So
74. 2:52everything was thought out with that in
75. 2:54mind.
76. 2:54Fine, this is what I have, this is what
77. 2:56I’ll do, I’ll change our lives here to
78. 2:58have him, and I'm willing to do this.
79. 3:02But there were some things he didn't
80. 3:04want, and I think in his mind, one of
81. 3:06the things he wouldn't agree to was
82. 3:08being intubated.
83. 3:11He didn't want to be intubated and
84. 3:13didn't want to be in a vegetative state
85. 3:15.
86. 3:16So he made this living will and
87. 3:20>> that the doctor would decide,
88. 3:21>> that the doctor would decide, and he had
89. 3:23already told the doctor that he didn't
90. 3:25want it,
91. 3:25>> okay?
92. 3:27>> He said, "I'll only have the feeding
93. 3:30tube put in if it's to wait for the
94. 3:33medicine and you identify that I have,
95. 3:35uh, chances of
96. 3:39>> reversing, for example, the condition."
97. 3:41So that was it, they inserted the tube,
98. 3:44because at that moment he was there to
99. 3:46receive the medicine. So the doctor said
100. 3:48, "Fine, let's insert it."
101. 3:50>> And then, after it was inserted, he
102. 3:52started, uh, losing the ability to
103. 3:55swallow saliva, uh, to swallow food and
104. 3:58everything else. And when that started
105. 4:00happening, uh, then a condition sets in
106. 4:03where you start to aspirate your own
107. 4:05saliva. I don't know how to explain it,
108. 4:07maybe Fe can explain it better, but you
109. 4:09just start to, okay?
110. 4:11And obviously, guys, we were in,
111. 4:13everything that existed in the world, in
112. 4:15the world was given to him.
113. 4:18We didn't spare any financial resources
114. 4:21.
115. 4:22We went after everything that existed,
116. 4:25me, Fê, his doctor, whatever there was.
117. 4:30It was 100%done for him, without any
118. 4:32kind of, "Oh no, that will be too
119. 4:34complicated, oh, that’s too expensive."
120. 4:36No, "The chance is small, it's not worth
121. 4:38it." If there's a chance, let's go,
122. 4:39>> let's, there's a chance, let's go, let's
123. 4:41chase it. So, we really went after
124. 4:42everything.
125. 4:44>> And then, uh, he started, when, he
126. 4:47passed away on Thursday, from Saturday
127. 4:50to Sunday, he started having difficulty
128. 4:53breathing.
129. 4:57With a noise, you know? It makes a noise
130. 4:59and such. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
131. 5:01And then the doctor said, "Look, we're
132. 5:03going to do an exam." I think he has
133. 5:04pneumonia. He had the tests done and it
134. 5:07turned out he did indeed have pneumonia
135. 5:10. They said: "We're going to start an
136. 5:12antibiotic, he has to improve in two
137. 5:14days on it." If he doesn't improve with
138. 5:16the antibiotic, then we reach that point
139. 5:18that he doesn't want,
140. 5:19>> want to intubate,
141. 5:20>> want to intubate. And I won't. And he
142. 5:22said: "We won't intubate Lito because he
143. 5:25didn't want to be intubated."
144. 5:27>> Because it's very aggressive. What is?
145. 5:30>> It's not because it's aggressive, it's
146. 5:32because there would be no reversal of
147. 5:34the condition.
148. 5:36>> Oh, I see.
149. 5:37From what I understood, it was like, uh
150. 5:38, in his situation,
151. 5:40>> that's right,
152. 5:42>> there was no way to reverse it, so it
153. 5:44would mean keeping him alive
154. 5:46artificially, like, maybe Lito could
155. 5:48last another year, I can't say, we don't
156. 5:51have control over that, but he would be
157. 5:53on a feeding tube, a ventilator, and who
158. 5:56knows what else, but he wouldn't be, uh
159. 5:58, sedated, right?
160. 6:01He wouldn't be here. And that was a
161. 6:03situation he didn't want.
162. 6:06And that was when those days passed; he
163. 6:09didn't improve from the pneumonia and
164. 6:12then the oxygen levels start to drop,
165. 6:15right?
166. 6:17Uh, the body starts to enter a, a, a
167. 6:20process there where it needs greater
168. 6:22ventilation and he said: "No, we won't
169. 6:25do it, Mila, it's here in his living
170. 6:27will, we need to."
171. 6:29And there, at that moment, for me, I
172. 6:31think that was the hardest part of
173. 6:33everything.
174. 6:35Right? Because you say: "But what do you
175. 6:37mean, no?"
176. 6:38>> Right?
177. 6:39>> And then Fe talked to me a lot, the
178. 6:41hospital psychologist. No, we, uh, today
179. 6:44they take this very seriously. The
180. 6:47declaration
181. 6:48>> called a living will
182. 6:50>> is what you want done while alive.
183. 6:53When you still have a level of
184. 6:54consciousness, you can define some
185. 6:56things.
186. 6:57So it was like, take it off, I went
187. 6:59there and put it back on.
188. 7:01Take it off, there was a little thing
189. 7:02here. Then they said: "Mila, you can't,
190. 7:04no, now we have to move to palliative
191. 7:06care and everything else."
192. 7:08So, uh, it was a critical moment,
193. 7:10because you think: "But now what? What's
194. 7:13going to happen?" No, it won't.
195. 7:15>> So the antibiotic didn't didn't reverse
196. 7:16it.
197. 7:17>> It didn't reverse it.
198. 7:18>> And is it because he was too weak, or is
199. 7:20it unknown?
200. 7:21>> I think, I think everything, right?
201. 7:24I think it enters a, a, it becomes a
202. 7:27systemic thing.
203. 7:29So, one thing leads to another. So, you
204. 7:31are in the hospital environment, and
205. 7:33everything. But usually, people who have
206. 7:35CJD, from what I researched, end up
207. 7:38dying of pneumonia.
208. 7:40>> Oh, really?
209. 7:41>> Yes.
210. 7:43So, uh, that was his case, his cause of
211. 7:45death was
212. 7:47>> opportunistic, right?
213. 7:48>> Yes, exactly.
214. 7:49It was pneumonia, uh, as a consequence
215. 7:52of the CJD, right?
216. 7:55So, that is what happened to him.
217. 7:59And right there on the day we already
218. 8:02knew because this was from Monday to
219. 8:04Tuesday, he entered palliative care on
220. 8:06Tuesday, actually, which was September
221. 8:0829th, which is our dating anniversary.
222. 8:12>> Oh, is it?
223. 8:13>> It's September 29th. And then the doctor
224. 8:16spoke, I said: "But what now?
225. 8:18Are you not going to intubate? How will
226. 8:20it be? How long will it last?"
227. 8:22Yeah,
228. 8:24>> he said: "Mila, look, there is no way to
229. 8:27tell you for sure.
230. 8:29It could be that he holds on for 12
231. 8:32hours, maybe 24, maybe a week, but no
232. 8:34more than a week."
233. 8:38So much so that the video we posted for
234. 8:40Lito's farewell, which is an edited
235. 8:42video, it started being made.
236. 8:46I asked, I wrote the text, right?
237. 8:48I asked to have it done right there on
238. 8:50the night of the end of the 29th,
239. 8:51because I already knew there was little
240. 8:53time.
241. 8:54And this was a recommendation he had. He
242. 8:56said: "Ah, I want you to tell people in
243. 8:59a beautiful way. Don't show yourself
244. 9:02crying and blah, blah, blah. Make a
245. 9:05video in the 'aviões e músicas' style."
246. 9:07So I stayed, then I called Lívia, who is
247. 9:10a journalist friend of mine, uh, we
248. 9:12wrote it and she said: "Mila, you're
249. 9:14going to have to record this audio." I
250. 9:17said: "Man, I don't know if I'll be able
251. 9:18to record this audio." I recorded the
252. 9:20audio about 50 times and we selected
253. 9:22images to tell his story. So, what we
254. 9:24wanted was to tell it in a poetic way
255. 9:27and I really think, I don't know if you
256. 9:29watched it,
257. 9:30>> I did, I did. It turned out wonderful.
258. 9:31>> It turned out beautiful. It's obvious
259. 9:32that it wasn't: he passed away and we
260. 9:34made the video.
261. 9:35We started making the video the moment
262. 9:37we received the news that he wouldn't
263. 9:39last more than a very few days,
264. 9:43>> but the forecast was that it would be a
265. 9:45day,
266. 9:46>> okay?
267. 9:47>> In 24 hours more or less. He was there
268. 9:50for I think 48 hours, almost 2 and a
269. 9:54half days, right? Because it was
270. 9:56>> almost 72,
271. 9:57>> almost 72 hours. Why? His heart was very
272. 10:00, very strong.
273. 10:02He was a healthy guy in terms of things
274. 10:04, so his heart was resisting there,
275. 10:06right? Resisting, resisting, resisting.
276. 10:11So, when Lito, uh, made his passing
277. 10:13there, in his final moments, his last
278. 10:15seconds, I couldn't handle staying.
279. 10:19I stayed the whole time, but there at
280. 10:20the end,
281. 10:22>> really?
282. 10:24No, I couldn't do it.
283. 10:26And then I left and told F and...but you
284. 10:30>> knew it was the end? I knew,
285. 10:32>> was it like that?
286. 10:33>> I knew, I knew, I knew.
287. 10:34We, you know, keep following the numbers
288. 10:37there, the noise, right?
289. 10:39I already, I already knew.
290. 10:42It was like, an hour away, it was
291. 10:45already the end.
292. 10:47I didn't, I couldn't handle it.
293. 10:50I stayed the whole time, but in that
294. 10:51moment I couldn't.
295. 10:53But I also didn't want him to be alone.
296. 10:55So I asked Mauro, who is in the other
297. 10:57video, right, for Mauro to stay.
298. 11:00I had called Mauro on Monday, Mauro was
299. 11:02traveling. Yeah, for those who don't
300. 11:04know, Mauro is a pilot.
301. 11:05I asked: "Mauro, is there any way you
302. 11:07can come back?" Because Lito is passing
303. 11:10and I need you here.
304. 11:13Mauro is the godfather of our son, he
305. 11:15and Ju, and Lito's best friend.
306. 11:18So, you know, Mauro, during those three
307. 11:21months we stayed, when he wasn't
308. 11:22traveling, he was at the hospital with
309. 11:24me.
310. 11:26So there were only three people who
311. 11:28stayed. It was Fe, me, and Mauro. I
312. 11:30stayed all the time, and Mauro and Fe,
313. 11:32right? Stayed there in that rotation. I
314. 11:35said: "Mauro, I need you here, I can't
315. 11:37handle it, it's very hard for me."
316. 11:40He said: "Do you think he'll last until
317. 11:41today?" I said: "I don't know, I think
318. 11:43so." So, Mauro came back, I think he was
319. 11:46in London, I don't know, doing the
320. 11:48flight, came here and from there he
321. 11:50stayed with me until the end, slept
322. 11:53there and everything else. And there in
323. 11:56the last moments I couldn't take it, he
324. 11:58said: "Mi, go outside, I'll stay here
325. 12:00with Lit. No, I won't leave his side."
326. 12:03And then we put on a playlist to play
327. 12:05for him, because Lito loved music.
328. 12:09So he opened Spotify and put on his
329. 12:12playlist, which is "M." It only has
330. 12:15wonderful songs, right?
331. 12:18And so I wasn't there in those final
332. 12:20minutes.
333. 12:21Do you want to share, F, what what what
334. 12:24happened?
335. 12:25Yeah, so the person who was there by his
336. 12:28side the whole time, right, was Mauro,
337. 12:30his great friend.
338. 12:32I even tell Mauro, I wish we could all
339. 12:33have at least one friend like that in
340. 12:35life, you know?
341. 12:37Because Mauro was truly a giant
342. 12:40>> and just like, right, Mila, well, no
343. 12:42words needed.
344. 12:44But anyway, and we were, I ended up
345. 12:46walking into his room right at the
346. 12:48moment he passed away, and the song was
347. 12:51playing, one of the songs from the
348. 12:53playlist that, what was the name again?
349. 12:56Ordinary. Ordinar
350. 12:57>> Ordinary World by Duran Duran. World,
351. 13:00yes,
352. 13:01>> Duran Duran.
353. 13:03And so I kept that in my head because I
354. 13:05ended up walking in, I didn't know it
355. 13:06had just happened and I heard the music
356. 13:08, that caught my attention.
357. 13:10Then there was the whole process, right
358. 13:11, of calling the medical team and all
359. 13:13that.
360. 13:14And then moving on, cut to me taking
361. 13:17Mila home,
362. 13:19>> you know, so we could
363. 13:20>> take care of the arrangements.
364. 13:22Mauro, right, stayed to handle other
365. 13:24things there at the hospital, actually.
366. 13:27And this Duran song reaches your house,
367. 13:30>> this Duran Duran song, if you look it up
368. 13:31, you know what song this is,
369. 13:33>> I know it. Of course.
370. 13:34>> When you read the lyrics, it says: "
371. 13:37It's an ordinary rainy Thursday."
372. 13:39>> Yeah, exactly. It was an ordinary rainy
373. 13:42Thursday.
374. 13:43>> It was something incredible, yes.
375. 13:46And so I didn't know that was going to
376. 13:47happen, did I? I didn't know I would
377. 13:48walk into the room right when it was
378. 13:50happening. I didn't know I would take
379. 13:52Mila home afterward and I didn't know
380. 13:54how things would unfold at that moment.
381. 13:56And then, when we arrived at their house
382. 13:59, there was a party going on in the
383. 14:01street, like in a park, right, playing
384. 14:03very loud music, playing an 80s playlist
385. 14:05, and that song played at the very
386. 14:07moment we had just arrived home, at
387. 14:10their house, right?
388. 14:11We were looking at clothes and
389. 14:13everything else.
390. 14:15Eh, and then that song played, I got
391. 14:17such chills, I even cried right then and
392. 14:19there, I was super emotional because it
393. 14:21was something that really caught my
394. 14:23attention, you know? It caught my
395. 14:25attention as much as me noticing the
396. 14:27song at the hospital at that moment; it
397. 14:29was almost poetic how things happened.
398. 14:33Uh, and then arriving at their house and
399. 14:34having this story about the music, which
400. 14:36was a song we couldn't not hear, it was
401. 14:38very loud music, playing on a Thursday,
402. 14:39right?
403. 14:41It was late at night, it wasn't rainy.
404. 14:45>> And the matter of his connection to
405. 14:47music as well, you know, the channel
406. 14:49being called "Aviões e Músicas"[
407. 14:51Airplanes and Music], look, it really
408. 14:53was something we can't explain.
409. 14:56>> This song played at the moment he passed
410. 14:58away, so, he passed away listening to
411. 15:00this song.
412. 15:01When we opened the front door to go
413. 15:03inside,
414. 15:04>> it's not possible. It wasn't like that.
415. 15:06We went inside the house, it wasn't...
416. 15:08We went inside, went to change clothes
417. 15:10...No, we went into the house and there
418. 15:12was very loud music and, well, it was a
419. 15:14Thursday, it was almost 1 AM, and so,
420. 15:15you know, rainy. Then we went to look;
421. 15:17there's a park, right in front of my
422. 15:19house.
423. 15:20There was no one in the park, but there
424. 15:22was music playing super loud and it was
425. 15:24precisely the song that Lito had.
426. 15:27What are the odds, right? So, there are
427. 15:28many coincidences.
428. 15:30And then Lito's doctor who was also
429. 15:33treating him, he almost didn't, he likes
430. 15:36to go run, do some marathons and such.
431. 15:40And so, as he was very dedicated to Lito
432. 15:43, he wasn't, I think, training as much,
433. 15:45so he decided to go to Belgium. Belgium
434. 15:47, right, dear, to go to Belgium to run
435. 15:49this marathon. Then he said it was 30 km
436. 15:52and that he set aside the final
437. 15:53kilometers there, which are very
438. 15:55difficult, to run 1 km for his wife, 1
439. 15:57km for his daughter, one for his mother
440. 15:59, one for his father, and the last one
441. 16:01for Lito.
442. 16:03And then he, we mentioned this story
443. 16:04about "Wonderful World," he said: "Oh,
444. 16:06what song is this?" He went boom, added
445. 16:08it to his playlist that had, I don't
446. 16:10know, 10 hours of music and in the last
447. 16:12kilometer, when he was already very
448. 16:14tired, which was Lito's kilometer, the
449. 16:16last song that played was also this one
450. 16:17, right? So, like, oh,
451. 16:20>> it was,
452. 16:21>> so it became
453. 16:23>> some
454. 16:24>> our song,
455. 16:25>> some coincidences that we have no way to
456. 16:27explain, right?
457. 16:28Are they coincidences, signs, we don't
458. 16:30know, we interpret them, right?
459. 16:33Sure, uh, the way we imagine, but in any
460. 16:35case, they are things that we can't just
461. 16:38let pass us by, right?
462. 16:40So, they really are huge coincidences.
463. 16:45Fernanda, I really want to thank you for
464. 16:48being here, thank you.
465. 16:50Stay, I know you'll stay here with us
466. 16:52watching, and if anything comes up, ask
467. 16:53the guys to bring you back to comment or
468. 16:55add something,
469. 16:56>> okay?
470. 16:57I just wanted to say one more thing
471. 16:59before we wrap up here, that I was there
472. 17:01at the hospital that day, and Lito
473. 17:03really wanted to go on your podcast.
474. 17:06I witnessed that scene, you know? Oh my
475. 17:08goodness,
476. 17:09>> he was saying to me, "Lila, call Vilela
477. 17:10, let’s sort things out, let’s see how
478. 17:12we can do this, if we’re going with the
479. 17:14wheelchair, if we’re going."
480. 17:16>> And I said, "Wow, he was so..."
481. 17:19>> I swear to you, I witnessed it, I am a
482. 17:21witness to this. He was, he really
483. 17:23wanted to tell, he sent...We'll play the
484. 17:25audio later on. "Yeah,
485. 17:26>> he sent it, he sent it.
486. 17:28>> He says, 'The guys have me, the guys
487. 17:29have me chained up here.'" Then Mila
488. 17:31said, "Stop, stop lying, people are
489. 17:33going to believe it."
490. 17:36No. And we even joked, said, "Why not,
491. 17:38Vilela goes to you, right?
492. 17:39To your show."
493. 17:40>> I said, "
494. 17:41>> Yeah,
495. 17:41>> I said, he wanted to." I said he had a
496. 17:43lot of affection for you as well.
497. 17:45>> He really did.
498. 17:45>> Wow, that’s so cool.
499. 17:47>> Thank you. Thank you.
500. 17:48>> Thank you, you know? Thank you so much.
501. 17:49>> About the signs, was that what you
502. 17:50wanted to talk about or was it something
503. 17:51else?
504. 17:51>> No, that was one, right? That happened
505. 17:54to her and Mauro. Mine was another one.
506. 17:57>> It’s another one. So, we’ll comment on
507. 17:59it here later. Alright then. Thanks,
508. 18:01Fernanda.
509. 18:01>> See you later. Bye. Bye.
510. 18:03>> Thank you. F.
511. 18:07But that music thing is incredible,
512. 18:09incredible, incredible, because there’s
513. 18:10no such thing as a coincidence like that
514. 18:12, right?
515. 18:13If we were to put it in terms of
516. 18:16probability, it’s a very small
517. 18:18probability in the universe of songs,
518. 18:20and an old song, right, from the 90s,
519. 18:23perhaps, uh, to play in these two
520. 18:25moments like that,
521. 18:27>> right? And the music was very loud, like
522. 18:29, something totally disproportionate,
523. 18:30you know?
524. 18:31>> I’m trying to get the lyrics here, right
525. 18:32?
526. 18:33>> Did you find it there? And here
527. 18:35>> doesn't it say a rainy Thursday?
528. 18:40>> Yeah, it came from a rainy Thursday on
529. 18:43the avenue.
530. 18:44I thought I heard you speaking softly.
531. 18:47I turned on the lights, the TV, and the
532. 18:49radio. Still, I can't escape your ghost
533. 18:51. What happened to all of that? Madness
534. 18:53, some would say.
535. 18:55Where is the life that I recognize? It's
536. 18:57gone. But I won't cry over what was.
537. 18:59There is a normal world.
538. 19:03It is at least
539. 19:04>> somehow that I have to find
540. 19:07as I try to make my way to the common
541. 19:10world.
542. 19:12>> It's just that I can't play music here,
543. 19:13right? It just drops. Yeah.
544. 19:15>> Yeah. Yeah. But I will learn to survive
545. 19:18. Passion and coincidence led you to say
546. 19:20.
547. 19:21It's
548. 19:25a void in the heart.
549. 19:26>> Uh-huh.
550. 19:27Really,
551. 19:31but I won't cry over yesterday. There is
552. 19:33a normal world, right?
553. 19:34Somehow I have to find it.
554. 19:39Yeah,
555. 19:41I know this song quite well, right? This
556. 19:43song is
557. 19:44>> and he liked music from the 80s bands,
558. 19:47>> wow, he loved it. It was on his playlist
559. 19:50, right? He had, he loved making them.
560. 19:52>> It's on a playlist of mine too. M.