once you understand neuroplasticity your life will never be the same again — Transcript

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1. 0:00Once you understand neuroplasticity, the
2. 0:01way that you see yourself changes for
3. 0:03good. For years, I thought I was just
4. 0:05stuck. Like I'd start a new routine on
5. 0:06Monday and then by Thursday, I was back
6. 0:08to the old me. So, I figured out some
7. 0:10people were just born disciplined and,
8. 0:12you know, I just wasn't one of them. But
9. 0:13one day, I was I was sick of always
10. 0:15quitting my habits. So, I spent like a
11. 0:17year going through the neuroscience
12. 0:19books, psychology textbooks, brain
13. 0:21studies and, you know, pages and pages
14. 0:23of my own notes. And I I tested, you
15. 0:25know, everything I learned on my own
16. 0:26habits and most of it failed before it
17. 0:28worked. But I actually wrote down what
18. 0:30actually worked into one simple way of
19. 0:33rebuilding yourself. And I'm going to
20. 0:34show you how to stop sliding back into
21. 0:35the old you every single Thursday. I'm
22. 0:37going to show you how to make new habits
23. 0:39start to to feel like you and how to
24. 0:40become somebody you can finally trust to
25. 0:42follow through again because the old
26. 0:44version of you doesn't go away when you
27. 0:46decide to change. It's It's still there.
28. 0:48It's still waiting. And once you see how
29. 0:50it got there, you'll understand why it
30. 0:52keeps winning even when you want to
31. 0:54become a new person. So, I want you to
32. 0:55picture a big green lawn at a park. And,
33. 0:57you know, there's a nice paved sidewalk
34. 0:59that curves all the way around it. But
35. 1:01one day, someone's in a hurry. And so,
36. 1:03they cut straight across the grass. And
37. 1:05nothing happens. You know, the grass
38. 1:07springs right back, right? Then a second
39. 1:09person cuts across. And then a third.
40. 1:11And then a hundred. And after a few
41. 1:13weeks, there's a a brown dirt path right
42. 1:15through the middle of the lawn. And now
43. 1:16everybody just uses that instead of the
44. 1:18sidewalk. Nobody even thinks about it.
45. 1:20Their feet just go there. That's
46. 1:21basically how your brain works. So,
47. 1:23every single time that you think a
48. 1:24thought or do an action, a group of
49. 1:25brain cells fire together. And the more
50. 1:27often they fire together, the stronger
51. 1:29the link between them gets. You know,
52. 1:30scientists have a a saying for this. It
53. 1:32basically says that neurons that fire
54. 1:34together wire together. So, the the
55. 1:36first time that you grab your phone, you
56. 1:37know, the second that you wake up, it's
57. 1:39just one footstep on the grass. But
58. 1:41after like let's say like a thousand
59. 1:42mornings, it's now a dirt path, right?
60. 1:45So, your hand reaches for your phone
61. 1:46before you even decided anything, right?
62. 1:48And your brain loves dirt paths cuz
63. 1:51they're they're fast. They take almost
64. 1:52no energy. And your brain is always
65. 1:54going to pick the path that's already
66. 1:55worn in because that's the path with the
67. 1:57least resistance. So, so how do paths
68. 1:59get made in the first place? Well, they
69. 2:01they are made in two ways. Like, the
70. 2:02first way is repetition, right? So, it's
71. 2:04like the same thought, the same action
72. 2:06again and again. Like, if you tell
73. 2:08yourself, "I'm bad with money." enough
74. 2:10times, that stops feeling like a
75. 2:12thought, it just like starts feeling
76. 2:14like a fact. And the second way is one
77. 2:16big emotional moment. So, something that
78. 2:17hit you hard, it carved a path in one
79. 2:19go. Might be like a breakup, or being
80. 2:21laughed at in class, or getting yelled
81. 2:23at for the first time that you tried
82. 2:24something new, right? brain can hold
83. 2:25onto a moment like that for decades,
84. 2:27because it decided that it was important
85. 2:30for your safety. When you put those two
86. 2:31things together, you get most of who you
87. 2:33are today, right? Your habits, your
88. 2:34beliefs, the way that you talk to
89. 2:35yourself, they're all different paths,
90. 2:37which is why deciding to change almost
91. 2:39never works on its own. Cuz the old path
92. 2:41is still there the next morning, and it
93. 2:43has a huge head start. So, let's talk
94. 2:46about why the old you keeps on winning.
95. 2:47This is the part that I wish someone had
96. 2:49told me years ago, cuz it would
97. 2:51completely change where I'm at right
98. 2:52now. When I kept falling back into old
99. 2:54habits, I thought that it meant that I
100. 2:56was lazy, or that I didn't want it bad
101. 2:57enough, but my brain was actually doing
102. 2:59something smart. It was actually just
103. 3:01saving energy, cuz the old path is worn
104. 3:03in. The new path is tall grass. Walking
105. 3:07through tall grass takes effort. It
106. 3:09feels slow and awkward and a little bit
107. 3:10uncomfortable. So, your brain looks at
108. 3:12both options and says, "Why do we go
109. 3:14that way when this way is right here?"
110. 3:16And there's another layer, too. You
111. 3:18know, a lot of the time the hard thing
112. 3:20that you're avoiding has a feeling
113. 3:21attached to it, right? Like, it might be
114. 3:22like the fear of being judged, or you
115. 3:24know, doing it wrong, or boredom, shame
116. 3:27from the last time you tried and quit.
117. 3:28And that, that's the loop. A hard thing
118. 3:30shows up, discomfort shows up with it,
119. 3:33relief starts to look really good, you
120. 3:34avoid it, and you feel better right
121. 3:36away. And so, your brain learns that
122. 3:38avoiding works. Every single time that
123. 3:40loop runs, your avoidance path gets
124. 3:42deeper. So, that resistance that you
125. 3:44feel is usually just your brain trying
126. 3:45to protect you from a feeling, right?
127. 3:47Once I understood that, I stopped seeing
128. 3:49myself as broken, cuz my brain was just
129. 3:51doing its job. It was really just
130. 3:52protecting me from the wrong thing. And
131. 3:54if avoiding can be learned, then
132. 3:56following through can be learned, too.
133. 3:59You just have to know what your brain is
134. 4:01looking for. So, your brain needs proof.
135. 4:03A lot of advice about neuroplasticity
136. 4:05tells you to visualize the new you. Act
137. 4:07as if. Pretend you're already that
138. 4:09person. And I get why, like picturing
139. 4:10the person you want to become can help
140. 4:12you get clear on the direction, but when
141. 4:14I tried it, something didn't add up.
142. 4:16Like I could picture the new me every
143. 4:17single morning, and by 3:00 p.m. I was
144. 4:19still scrolling on the couch. Cuz your
145. 4:21brain changes from what you do over and
146. 4:23over. Like, you know, one study that I
147. 4:25found
148. 4:26basically talked about how researchers
149. 4:28scanned the brains of London taxi
150. 4:30drivers. And these drivers have to
151. 4:32memorize thousands of streets to get
152. 4:34their license, right? And the part of
153. 4:35the brain that helps with memory and
154. 4:37finding your way was bigger in the
155. 4:39drivers. Like, the longer they'd been
156. 4:41driving, the bigger it was. So,
157. 4:42basically, in plain English, their
158. 4:44brains grew in the exact area they use
159. 4:46every day. They didn't imagine the
160. 4:48streets. They they just drove them
161. 4:49thousands of times. Your brain basically
162. 4:51changes when it gets enough proof that a
163. 4:53new behavior is safe, possible, and
164. 4:55repeatable. Safe means that nothing bad
165. 4:57happened when you did it. And possible
166. 4:59means you actually did it, so it can be
167. 5:01done. And repeatable means that you did
168. 5:03it again and again. So, every single
169. 5:05time that you give your brain that
170. 5:06proof, you put one more footstep on the
171. 5:09new path. And this is also how
172. 5:11self-trust gets built. Cuz self-trust is
173. 5:13basically a pile of proof that says, "I
174. 5:15said I would do it, and I did it." But
175. 5:17for years, I kept giving my brain the
176. 5:19wrong kind of proof, and it came down to
177. 5:20how big my promises were. So, have you
178. 5:22ever done your eyeliner, and you maybe
179. 5:24just you did it a a tiny bit bigger than
180. 5:26usual, um just a little bit, and
181. 5:28suddenly your whole face looks
182. 5:29different, right? 1 mm is barely
183. 5:32anything, but it's enough to change the
184. 5:33whole picture. And your life works the
185. 5:35same way. When we want to change, we
186. 5:36usually go big. Like, "I'm going to work
187. 5:38every single day. I'm going to wake up
188. 5:39at 5:00 a.m. I'm going to write my book
189. 5:41every single night." I did this so many
190. 5:43times, and every single time I broke the
191. 5:45promise within a week. And then I felt
192. 5:47worse about myself, you know, more than
193. 5:49before I started. So, every single
194. 5:51broken promise was more proof that I
195. 5:52couldn't trust myself. And that's
196. 5:54because big promises carry a lot of
197. 5:56hidden weight. There's the time it
198. 5:57takes, the fear, the friction of getting
199. 5:59started, and the pressure of having to
200. 6:01become a whole new person overnight. And
201. 6:03the thing is you only see the habit on
202. 6:04top. I I talk about this in my book,
203. 6:06it's called the habit iceberg. But all
204. 6:08that weight underneath is what actually
205. 6:09makes you quit. So, the move is to
206. 6:11shrink the promise down to a version
207. 6:13that your current self can repeat even
208. 6:15on a bad day. And I talk about this more
209. 6:16in other videos, I call it face scaling.
210. 6:18But basically, start with a version of
211. 6:20the habit that you
212. 6:22genuinely believe you can repeat this
213. 6:23week. And then you scale it slowly,
214. 6:25because we don't want to be building a
215. 6:26habit that we don't even think that we
216. 6:27can do, right? So, it's literally just
217. 6:30getting into the habit of doing the
218. 6:32habit. And it's going to feel too small,
219. 6:33and that's that's the point, right? A
220. 6:35small step that you take every single
221. 6:36day builds a path. And a giant step you
222. 6:39take once flattens some grass, and then
223. 6:42it springs right back. But even when the
224. 6:44step is small, there's a stage that
225. 6:45makes a lot of people quit. And it's
226. 6:47right in the middle. It's like the the
227. 6:49awkward middle, right? Like Like try
228. 6:50signing your name with your other hand.
229. 6:52It's shaky, and it's slow, and it looks
230. 6:54like a little kid wrote it, and it feels
231. 6:56wrong. But if you do that every single
232. 6:57day for a few months, it would start to
233. 6:59feel normal. Maybe not perfect, but just
234. 7:02kind of normal, right? That shaky
235. 7:04awkward stage is what building a new
236. 7:05path feels like. And most of us take
237. 7:07that awkward feeling as a sign that it's
238. 7:08not working. But that awkward feeling
239. 7:10means that you're on new ground, right?
240. 7:12You're walking through tall grass. Of
241. 7:13course, it's going to feel harder than
242. 7:14the dirt path. There was just one study
243. 7:16where researchers had people learn to
244. 7:17juggle for 3 months. And when they
245. 7:19scanned their brains, the areas that
246. 7:21track movement had grown. Then the
247. 7:24people stopped juggling, and a few
248. 7:25months later, a lot of that growth had
249. 7:26shrunk back down. Your brain really can
250. 7:28change in a matter of months, and that's
251. 7:30why I want to be honest about time. Cuz
252. 7:31if you try something new for for 2
253. 7:33weeks, and nothing feels different,
254. 7:35that's completely normal. Like think
255. 7:36about how long the old path took to
256. 7:39make. Some of those paths are 10, 20, 30
257. 7:42years deep. 2 weeks of new footsteps is
258. 7:44a real start. It just isn't a finished
259. 7:45path yet. Right? So, somewhere in that
260. 7:48awkward middle, you know, I can almost
261. 7:49promise that you're going to miss a day.
262. 7:51But, I also used to think that missing a
263. 7:52day meant that I failed. Right? So, I
264. 7:53would miss a workout on like, let's say,
265. 7:55Thursday, and then I'd think, well, the
266. 7:56week is ruined, and I'd start over next
267. 7:58Monday. Except, next Monday turned into
268. 8:00next month. And what I didn't understand
269. 8:03was this.
270. 8:04A missed day doesn't erase the new path.
271. 8:07The footsteps that you already took are
272. 8:08still there. But, the shame spiral that
273. 8:10comes after, that's where the damage
274. 8:12happens. Because every day that you
275. 8:14spend beating yourself up and staying
276. 8:15away, you're walking the old path again.
277. 8:19You're putting your fresh footsteps on
278. 8:20the avoidance path. The missed day costs
279. 8:23you one proof block. The shame spiral
280. 8:26costs you 10. You're turning one miss
281. 8:28into a statement, a character statement
282. 8:31about who you are. But, in reality, it's
283. 8:33just one miss. And you're not even
284. 8:35looking at the the past five times that
285. 8:36you did the habit. So, the real skill is
286. 8:38coming back fast before one missed day
287. 8:41turns into a miss week into a miss
288. 8:43month. And this is my favorite part.
289. 8:46Coming back after you miss is one of the
290. 8:48most powerful reps that you can do cuz
291. 8:49it teaches your brain something new.
292. 8:52Even when I slip, I return.
293. 8:55That's proof that most people never give
294. 8:57themselves. And it's the kind of proof
295. 8:58that makes a new identity actually
296. 8:59stick. Cuz the new you is a is a path.
297. 9:02Right? When I When I first learned about
298. 9:03neuroplasticity,
299. 9:05I thought the big lesson was that I
300. 9:06could change. But, really, the bigger
301. 9:08lesson is that I'm always changing every
302. 9:10single day, whether I'm paying attention
303. 9:12or not. Every time I pick up my phone,
304. 9:14I'm walking a path. Every single time I
305. 9:15keep a small promise, I'm walking a
306. 9:17path. Now, every single time I come back
307. 9:18after a bad week, I'm walking a path.
308. 9:20And the person that you are today is
309. 9:22just a path that you've walked the most.
310. 9:25Your brain is going to change either
311. 9:27way.
312. 9:27>> [music]
313. 9:28>> So, the only real question is which path
314. 9:30you walk tomorrow morning.
315. 9:32You just have to pick one, make it
316. 9:34small,
317. 9:35and walk it again and again.
318. 9:37I hope you guys enjoyed this video. If
319. 9:39you did, leave it subscribe. I'll see
320. 9:41you in the next one.