Narcissist : The Maternal Role & The Lack of Control Environment — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:02[Music]
2. 0:18Narcissist, the maternal
3. 0:20role and the lack of control
4. 0:23environment. Hello, I'm HG T Judah.
5. 0:31My video, what makes a narcissist, tells
6. 0:34you that there are two things that are
7. 0:38required. And if you haven't watched
8. 0:40that video, I would encourage you to do
9. 0:42so to gain a greater understanding of
10. 0:44what creates a narcissist. But briefly,
11. 0:48there needs to be a genetic
12. 0:50predisposition and there needs to be a
13. 0:52lack of control environment.
14. 0:54The genetic predisposition often comes
15. 0:57from the parents but can come further
16. 0:59back in the lineage.
17. 1:01The lack of control environment can
18. 1:04manifest in lots of different
19. 1:08ways as part of the forging of my
20. 1:12narcissism that arose as a consequence
21. 1:15of the lack of control environment that
22. 1:17I experienced which was a combination or
23. 1:21physical, sexual and emotional abuse
24. 1:24allied with the fact that I was always
25. 1:27expected to do better than I ever did.
26. 1:30what I call grade B syndrome. Score two
27. 1:34goals, you ought to have scored three.
28. 1:36Got 80% in an examination, why didn't
29. 1:38you get 90%. You climb the hill and the
30. 1:42narcissist invariably places another
31. 1:45hill behind it that you have to then go
32. 1:48and climb. It was never good enough. And
33. 1:52that takes away the issue of control
34. 1:55because there's never a sense of
35. 1:56achievement. The achievement is always
36. 1:59belittled, invalidated in some
37. 2:03way. The environment that an individual
38. 2:06finds themsself is hugely important and
39. 2:10the maternal role is something which is
40. 2:13applicable to it. Naturally, both
41. 2:16parents and extended members of the
42. 2:19family along with caregivers perhaps in
43. 2:24respect of say school teachers or
44. 2:27outside organizations like the scouts or
45. 2:30guides or particular teams can influence
46. 2:34the environment of a child both in terms
47. 2:36of forging a particular environment or
48. 2:39protecting the child from a particular
49. 2:42environment.
50. 2:44The maternal role is particularly
51. 2:46important because in general terms it is
52. 2:50the mother that is seen as the primary
53. 2:56caregiver. It still despite much of the
54. 3:00strides that have been taken towards
55. 3:02equality remains the case that
56. 3:05traditional roles prevail. You can point
57. 3:08to certain examples where they have been
58. 3:10reversed where there is no male
59. 3:12involvement for instance in the
60. 3:14household or there's no female
61. 3:16involvement in the household. One can
62. 3:18always point to differences, but in the
63. 3:20main, it remains the case that the
64. 3:22mother is still seen as the one that
65. 3:24provides the nurturing, the empathic,
66. 3:28the caring role, supplemented by that of
67. 3:32the father who still is seen as the one
68. 3:35that is the
69. 3:38provider. Naturally,
70. 3:40owing to the fact that a woman gives
71. 3:42birth to children, they develop that
72. 3:45bond during the pregnancy and from the
73. 3:49immediiacy of the birth. And naturally,
74. 3:52where that bond is missing, that can
75. 3:54then lead to a lack of control
76. 3:56environment.
77. 3:58the influence of the mother with regard
78. 4:02to the environment whether it is a lack
79. 4:05of control one or not and what the
80. 4:08consequential impact has been recently
81. 4:13studied. In some instances the lack of
82. 4:16control environment can be created by
83. 4:19the mother with the father unable or
84. 4:22unwilling to
85. 4:24intervene. That was the situation for
86. 4:27me. My mother was the one that created
87. 4:29the lack of control environment in the
88. 4:31main. My father, for reasons best known
89. 4:34to him, decided that I was somehow
90. 4:37capable of defending myself and
91. 4:39therefore spent more time defending what
92. 4:42he saw as less able individuals, namely
93. 4:45my sister and my brother.
94. 4:48In other
95. 4:49instances, it may be the case that the
96. 4:53mother is the absent individual and it
97. 4:55is the father that takes over the role.
98. 4:58In some instances, both parents might
99. 5:00contribute to a lack of control
100. 5:02environment or in other instances it
101. 5:05arises outside of the immediate nuclear
102. 5:09family. But a recent
103. 5:11study demonstrates the importance of
104. 5:14that environment as I have outlined in
105. 5:17the past with regard to the issue of a
106. 5:20lack of control or
107. 5:24otherwise. A study has suggested that
108. 5:27children who receive more maternal
109. 5:29affection grow into young adults who are
110. 5:33on average more creative, kinder, and
111. 5:37marginally more
112. 5:39organized. In other words, the creation
113. 5:43of a healthy environment and one which
114. 5:45is not a lack of control environment
115. 5:48engenders kindness, namely emotional
116. 5:52empathy. Over more than a decade,
117. 5:55psychologists tracked more than 1,000
118. 5:57pairs of British twins from early
119. 5:59childhood to the cusp of adulthood. To
120. 6:02assess maternal affection, each of the
121. 6:05twins mothers were asked to describe her
122. 6:07children individually when they were age
123. 6:09five and 10. The language she used was
124. 6:13analyzed and scored on a six-point
125. 6:14scale. Higher scores denoted greater
126. 6:17warmth, enthusiasm, and interest in and
127. 6:20enjoyment of the child. A phrase such
128. 6:23as, "She is a delight. She is my ray of
129. 6:26sunshine," for instance, would have
130. 6:28landed near the top. The results were
131. 6:31intriguing. By age 18, those children
132. 6:34who had experienced more motherly warmth
133. 6:36were on average more open-minded,
134. 6:39conscientious, kind, and
135. 6:42agreeable. "Importantly, we found this
136. 6:45link even when comparing identical
137. 6:47twins," said Dr. Jasmine Vertz of the
138. 6:49University of Edinburgh who led the
139. 6:51study. The twin who ended up with I beg
140. 6:55your pardon. The twin who received more
141. 6:56affection from their mother ended up
142. 6:59with a different personality than the
143. 7:02twin who received
144. 7:04less. Since identical twins share the
145. 7:07same genes, this implies that the
146. 7:09differences could not be chocked up to
147. 7:11heredity and demonstrates, of course,
148. 7:14the impact of the environment on the
149. 7:16development of the personality of the
150. 7:18child. It gives us greater confidence
151. 7:21that how children are treated really
152. 7:23does influence their personality. In
153. 7:26other words, it lends credence to what I
154. 7:28have explained about how the
155. 7:30environment, a lack of control
156. 7:32environment, impacts upon the creation
157. 7:34of a
158. 7:38narcissist. Parenting appeared to leave
159. 7:40an impr imprint that endured to 18 and
160. 7:43was striking. By then, adolescence had
161. 7:46been exposed to a cacophony of competing
162. 7:48influences, peers, social media,
163. 7:51hormones, and heartbreak among them.
164. 7:55Traits such as conscientiousness and
165. 7:57agreeableness are not merely pleasant.
166. 7:59They are strongly associated with
167. 8:01success in education and employment,
168. 8:04better health outcomes, and greater
169. 8:06social
170. 8:07cohesion. Supporting parents to be more
171. 8:09affectionate with their children could
172. 8:11have wide-reaching positive impacts for
173. 8:13young people and society.
174. 8:17Thus, this study demonstrates that the
175. 8:19warmth that was provided by a mother
176. 8:21towards her children resulted in clearly
177. 8:24the absence of a lack of control
178. 8:26environment and
179. 8:28moreover impacted upon the child to make
180. 8:31them more conscientious, kind, agreeable
181. 8:34and
182. 8:35open-minded. All aspects which are
183. 8:37associated with the presence of
184. 8:39emotional empathy. I can certainly
185. 8:41attest to the fact that I never
186. 8:44experienced any warmth from my mother, a
187. 8:47cold, glacial woman, and she remains
188. 8:49that to this day, that I was not
189. 8:52cuddled. I was not treated with love. I
190. 8:55don't require any sympathy for the
191. 8:57absence of this. I'm merely stating of
192. 8:59fact, and this contributed to the lack
193. 9:02of control environment, the opposite of
194. 9:05what has been described in this study.
195. 9:09Naturally, a father can also provide
196. 9:12that affectionate environment. But this
197. 9:14study focused on the influence of the
198. 9:16mother and it demonstrates just how
199. 9:18important the environment is that is
200. 9:21created by the parents where they are
201. 9:24the primary caregivers to a child in
202. 9:26respect of the environment whether they
203. 9:29create a lack of control one or whether
204. 9:31they create one which results in a warm
205. 9:34and nurturing one as described in this
206. 9:36survey. I'm HGT. Thank you for
207. 9:40listening.
208. 9:44[Music]