My wife opened our marriage, so why is she the one threatening divorce now? #shorts #reddit — Transcript

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1. 0:00My wife opened our marriage, so why is
2. 0:01she the one threatening divorce now?
3. 0:03Here's the part she never saw coming. My
4. 0:04wife Renee came back from a women's
5. 0:06empowerment retreat last spring and
6. 0:07announced she'd outgrown the version of
7. 0:08us. She wanted room to breathe, to
8. 0:10rediscover herself, to love without
9. 0:11walls. Translation, she wanted to keep
10. 0:13sleeping with Kellen, her personal
11. 0:14trainer, without the inconvenient label
12. 0:16of cheating. I'm a court stenographer. I
13. 0:17spend 40 hours a week typing down every
14. 0:19word people say, exactly as they say it,
15. 0:21while pretending I'm furniture. I own
16. 0:22one suit. My idea of a big night is
17. 0:24breaking in a new mechanical keyboard.
18. 0:25Renee was certain a man like me would
19. 0:27panic at the idea of an open marriage
20. 0:28and beg her to keep things closed. So
21. 0:30when she slid a printed relationship
22. 0:31agreement across the kitchen table, yes,
23. 0:33an actual contract she'd typed up, and
24. 0:34asked me to sign, she expected tears.
25. 0:36Instead, I read it twice. "You're really
26. 0:38okay with this?" she asked, pen
27. 0:39hovering, smile a little too wide.
28. 0:41"Sounds fair," I said. "Mind if I keep a
29. 0:42copy?" Her smile flickered. She didn't
30. 0:44know that "Mind if I keep a copy?" is
31. 0:45the most dangerous sentence a
32. 0:46documentation guy can say. The agreement
33. 0:48was three pages. Renee wrote most of it
34. 0:50herself, all freedom and growth and no
35. 0:52judgment, but she'd added one clause to
36. 0:53look reasonable, never imagining it
37. 0:55would matter. "Both parties agree to
38. 0:56full honesty. Any relationship that
39. 0:58began before the signing of this
40. 0:59agreement is a betrayal of the marriage
41. 1:00and is not protected by this
42. 1:02arrangement." She put that in to seem
43. 1:03fair. I signed. I kept my copy. For 4
44. 1:04months, Renee lived her best life.
45. 1:06Tuesdays and Thursdays with Kellen,
46. 1:07weekend girls trips that involved
47. 1:09exactly zero girls. She'd float in past
48. 1:11midnight glowing, telling me about her
49. 1:12journey toward her authentic self.
50. 1:13Meanwhile, I made grilled cheese for our
51. 1:15daughter, helped with fractions, and
52. 1:16went to bed alone. I wasn't angry. I was
53. 1:18busy. Because here's the thing about
54. 1:19being furniture, people forget you're in
55. 1:21the room. Then my buddy Reggie dragged
56. 1:22me to a gallery opening, mostly to get
57. 1:24me out of the house. That's where I met
58. 1:25Nora. Nora is a courtroom sketch artist.
59. 1:27We'd actually worked the same trial for
60. 1:282 weeks and never spoken. Both of us
61. 1:30silent professionals in the corner while
62. 1:31everyone else fell apart. She'd sketched
63. 1:33me once in the background, because you
64. 1:34were the only calm person in the room.
65. 1:36We talked for 3 hours. She thought my
66. 1:37keyboard obsession was charming instead
67. 1:39of concerning. She laughed at my
68. 1:40impression of a lawyer objecting to his
69. 1:41own question. By the end of the night,
70. 1:43I'd forgotten what it felt like to be
71. 1:44furniture. First date, coffee turned
72. 1:45into a 4-hour walk. Second date, she
73. 1:46tried to teach me to sketch and I
74. 1:48produced something that looked like a
75. 1:49haunted potato. Third date, she met my
76. 1:50daughter, who announced Nora was way
77. 1:52funnier than Mom, which I swear I did
78. 1:53not coach. Suddenly, I was the the
79. 1:55floating in past dinner, smiling at my
80. 1:56phone. Renee noticed instantly. You seem
81. 1:58different, happier. Did something
82. 1:59happen? Just a good few weeks, I said,
83. 2:01texting Nora back. Who keeps texting
84. 2:02you? You're always smiling at that
85. 2:03thing. Her name's Nora. We're seeing the
86. 2:05new exhibit Saturday. Renee's face went
87. 2:06the color of a stop sign. Nora? You're
88. 2:08dating someone? You can't just date
89. 2:09someone. It's an open marriage, I said.
90. 2:11You wrote the rules. I have a copy.
91. 2:13There are supposed to be boundaries. You
92. 2:14run these things by me first. I actually
93. 2:16laughed. Did you run Kellen by me?
94. 2:18Because you've been seeing him since
95. 2:19February. The agreement's dated June.
96. 2:21Her mouth opened and closed. How would
97. 2:22you even know when you used my laptop to
98. 2:24text him in March? The thread auto
99. 2:26saved. I'm a stenographer, Renee. I keep
100. 2:27records of everything, date stamped. She
101. 2:29went quiet, then switched tactics, the
102. 2:30way people do when the floor disappears
103. 2:32under them. That night, she texted me.
104. 2:33This experiment is over. We're closing
105. 2:35the marriage immediately. And if you
106. 2:36push this, I'm filing for divorce and
107. 2:37telling the judge you abandoned this
108. 2:39family for some woman. I'd been waiting
109. 2:404 months for that exact text. I replied
110. 2:42with one photo. Page 3 of her own
111. 2:43agreement. Her clause highlighted. Any
112. 2:45relationship begun before signing is a
113. 2:46betrayal, not protected. Under it, a
114. 2:48screenshot of her February messages to
115. 2:50Kellen, time stamped. The one she forgot
116. 2:51lived on my hard drive. You're right, I
117. 2:53wrote back. Let's tell the judge. I
118. 2:54already talked to the transcripts.