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My Parents Skipped My Son's College Graduation—Then Demanded $45,000 For My Brother's... — Transcript

by deneen yacheshyn · 2,860 words · 476 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00my mother called me three days after she
0:02missed my son's college graduation to ask
0:05me to cosign a loan for $45,000
0:09she didn't apologize for missing the ceremony
0:12she didn't ask how Marcus felt when he walked across
0:15that stage and scanned the audience looking for her
0:17face
0:18she just said my brother Ethan needed
0:20the money to expand his business
0:22and since I had good credit and a steady job
0:25it made sense for me to sign
0:27I stood in my kitchen holding the phone
0:30staring at the graduation program
0:31still sitting on the counter
0:33I didn't say yes
0:35I didn't say no
0:36I just told her I'd think about it and hung up
0:39my name is Elena Cortez
0:41I'm 52 years old
0:43I've been a registered nurse for 28 years
0:46most of that in the ICU at County General
0:49I raised my son Marcus on my own after
0:51his father left when Marcus was 3
0:54I worked doubles
0:55I worked holidays
0:57I worked every shift they'd give me so
0:59my son could have what he needed
1:01and four months ago
1:03Marcus became the first person in my entire
1:05family to graduate from a four year university
1:08he finished with a degree in
1:10computer science from state
1:12it took him five years instead of four
1:15because he worked part time the whole way through
1:17but he did it
1:18no loans no debt
1:20he walked across that stage free and clear
1:24and I was so proud
1:25I thought my chest would crack open
1:27I had told my parents about the
1:29graduation three months in advance
1:31I called my mother Delores
1:33and my father gene
1:35I sent them the date the time
1:37the location
1:38the ceremony was on a Saturday morning in May 10:00
1:41at the University stadium
1:43two hours south of where they lived
1:45I told them Marcus had put aside two tickets for them
1:48I told them it would mean
1:50everything to him if they came
1:52my mother said
1:53of course we'll be there Elena
1:54he's our grandson
1:56my father got on the line and said he'd
1:58already marked it on the calendar
2:00I called again two weeks before
2:03I confirmed the time
2:05I asked if they needed directions
2:07my mother said
2:09we'll be there
2:10stop worrying
2:11the Wednesday before graduation
2:13I sent a text to both of them with the
2:15section and row number for their seats
2:17my mother replied with a thumbs up emoji
2:20the morning of the ceremony
2:21I woke up at 5
2:23I pressed my dress made coffee
2:25checked and rechecked the route
2:27even though I'd driven it twice already
2:30Marcus came out of his room in his cap and gown
2:33grinning so wide I had to take a
2:35picture right there in the hallway
2:37he was nervous
2:38he kept adjusting his cap
2:40he asked me if I thought grandma and
2:42Grandpa would cry when they called his name
2:44I told him they probably would
2:46we got to the stadium at 8:30
2:49the graduates had to line up early
2:51so I walked Marcus to the staging area
2:53hugged him hard
2:54and told him I loved him
2:56then I went to find my seat
2:59I'd bought myself a ticket in the same row
3:01as my parents so we could sit together
3:03I got there at 9:15
3:05I sat down saved the two seats next to me and waited
3:09by 9:45 they hadn't arrived
3:13I texted my mother no response I called
3:16it rang through to voicemail
3:18I called my father same thing
3:21at 10:00 the ceremony started
3:24the seats next to me stayed empty
3:26I sat through the whole program with my purse
3:29on one side and my jacket on the other holding
3:32those seats like if I just kept them open
3:35long enough my parents would appear
3:37I watched the graduates file in
3:40I watched three hours of speeches and diploma hand offs
3:43when they called Marcus's name
3:45I stood up and cheered loud enough that
3:48people two rows back turned around
3:51Marcus looked right at me smiled and waved
3:55then his eyes went to the empty seats next to me
3:58I watched his face change
4:00I watched him look away
4:01after the ceremony
4:02I met Marcus outside
4:04near the south exit
4:06he hugged me
4:07and he said all the right things
4:08that it was OK
4:10that maybe they'd gotten stuck in traffic
4:12but his voice was flat
4:14and I knew I tried calling my parents four
4:17more times that afternoon nothing
4:20I sent a text that night asking if they were all right
4:23if something had happened
4:25my mother finally replied at 11:30
4:28she said sorry we couldn't make it
4:30your father wasn't feeling well
4:32congratulations to Marcus
4:34that was it 12 words
4:38no phone call
4:39no explanation of why she
4:41couldn't text me that morning
4:43why neither of them could pick up the phone for
4:45three hours while I sat there holding their seats
4:48just 12 words and a period
4:51I didn't respond
4:52I put my phone down
4:54sat on the edge of my bed
4:55and stared at the wall for a long time
4:58Marcus was in the next room
5:00I could hear him talking to
5:01his friends on a video call
5:03laughing about something
5:05he sounded fine
5:06but I knew he wasn't
5:08three days later
5:09my mother called
5:10I was at work
5:11on my lunch break in the staff room
5:13I almost didn't pick up but I did
5:16she didn't say hello
5:18she said Elena
5:20I need to talk to you about something important
5:23then she told me that Ethan
5:25my younger brother
5:26was trying to expand his landscaping business
5:30he'd found a property he wanted
5:31to buy for equipment storage
5:33but the bank wouldn't give him the loan
5:35unless someone with better credit co signed
5:38she said my father's credit was shot
5:40from a bankruptcy eight years ago
5:43and hers wasn't much better
5:44but I had a good job
5:46I'd been at the same hospital for decades
5:48and my credit score was excellent
5:51she said it made sense
5:53she said it was just a signature that
5:56Ethan would handle all the payments
5:59that I wouldn't have to do
6:00anything except sign my name
6:03$45,000 I didn't say anything for a few seconds
6:08then I said you didn't come to Marcus's graduation
6:12she sighed
6:13your father wasn't feeling well Elena
6:16I already told you that
6:18I said you didn't call
6:20you didn't text until that night
6:22we saved you seats
6:24she said I don't know what you want me to say
6:27we couldn't make it
6:29these things happen
6:31but this loan is important
6:34Ethan's worked really hard
6:36and he deserves a chance
6:38I told her I'd think about it
6:40she said she needed an answer by the end of the week
6:43I hung up here's what she didn't know
6:46what I hadn't told Marcus
6:48what I hadn't told anyone
6:50for the past eight years
6:51I had been sending my parents $800 a month
6:55every single month
6:56it started after my father's bankruptcy
6:59when they were about to lose their house
7:00they called me in a panic
7:02said they just needed help for a few
7:04months until they got back on their feet
7:06I sent the money
7:07the few months turned into a year
7:09then two years then eight
7:11eight years of $800 a month
7:13I did the math once
7:14on a night I couldn't sleep $76,800
7:20I'd sent them $76,800
7:23and I hadn't missed a single month
7:26I hadn't told Marcus because I
7:28didn't want him to feel guilty
7:30I didn't want him to think that the
7:31reason I worked so many doubles
7:34the reason we didn't take vacations
7:36the reason I drove a car with 190,000 miles on it
7:40was because I was sending my rent
7:42money to my parents every month but it was
7:45that night after my mother's phone call
7:48I sat at my kitchen table with
7:50my checkbook in front of me
7:52it was the first week of the month
7:54I always sent the money on the 1st
7:56it was the 6th
7:58I hadn't sent it yet
7:59I picked up my pen
8:01I got as far as writing the date
8:03then I put the pen down
8:04I didn't have a plan
8:06I didn't decide to punish anyone
8:09I just couldn't do it anymore
8:11my hand wouldn't move
8:14I closed the checkbook
8:15I put it back in the drawer
8:17I didn't send the money
8:19four days later
8:20my mother called again
8:21she asked if I'd thought about the loan
8:24I told her I couldn't co sign
8:26she asked why not
8:28I said I didn't think it was a good idea
8:31to mix family and money like that she said
8:35we're not mixing anything
8:36Ethan's going to make the payments
8:38you're just helping him get started
8:40I said I can't
8:43she was quiet for a second
8:45then she said
8:46you know Elena
8:47family is supposed to help each other
8:49we raised you
8:50we gave you everything
8:51and now that we need something
8:53you're turning your back on us
8:55I almost apologized
8:57I swear I almost did
8:59I felt it rising up in my throat
9:01that old instinct to smooth things over
9:03to make her stop being angry
9:05to be the good daughter
9:07then I thought about Marcus's face
9:09when he looked at those empty seats
9:12I said I have to go
9:14and I hung up
9:15two weeks went by
9:17I didn't send the $800
9:19I didn't call
9:21neither did they
9:22then on a Tuesday morning I got a
9:24voicemail from my brother Ethan
9:26he said I was being selfish
9:28he said I made good money and lived
9:30alone now that Marcus was graduated
9:32so what did I need it all for
9:34he said our parents had sacrificed everything for us
9:37and the least I could do was help him out
9:39he said if I didn't cosign the loan
9:41I'd regret it
9:42I deleted the voicemail
9:44I didn't call back
9:46three days after that
9:47my mother left me a voicemail
9:49her voice was different colder
9:52she said that if I wasn't going to help the family
9:54then maybe I shouldn't consider
9:56myself part of it anymore
9:58she said they'd talked to a lawyer
10:00and in our state there were laws about
10:02children supporting their elderly parents
10:05she said if I was going to cut them off
10:07they had legal options
10:09she said I should think very
10:10carefully about what I was doing
10:12I listened to that message twice
10:14then I sat down on my couch and stared at my hands
10:18I thought about all the shifts I'd worked
10:21I thought about every birthday I'd missed
10:24every school event I'd left early
10:26every time I'd chosen overtime instead
10:28of sleep so I could send that $800
10:31and I thought about my mother's
10:32voice on the phone threatening me
10:35I called an attorney the next morning
10:37her name was Miss Laurie Tan
10:39I explained the situation
10:41I told her about the missed graduation
10:44the loan request
10:45the monthly payments
10:47and the voicemail about elder support laws
10:50she listened to all of it without interrupting
10:53when I finished she said
10:55do you have records of the
10:57money you've been sending them
10:58I said yes
11:00I have every deposit slip
11:02every bank transfer confirmation everything
11:05I kept it all for tax records
11:08she said good
11:10bring them in
11:11I met with Miss Tan the following week
11:13I brought a folder with eight years of documentation
11:17every single month marked and dated
11:20she went through it carefully
11:22then she looked up at me and said
11:24you've given them $76,800
11:27I said I know she said
11:30in this state
11:31the elder support laws are real
11:33but they're not what your mother thinks they are
11:36they require proof that the parent is in need
11:39and that the child has the ability to pay
11:41but they also take into account what
11:44the child has already contributed
11:46if your parents try to pursue this
11:48you'll present these records
11:50the court will see that you've already
11:52provided substantial support for years
11:55you'll be fine
11:56I asked her what I should do if my
11:58parents actually filed something
12:01she said wait
12:03let them make the first move
12:05don't engage
12:06keep records of any threats or harassment
12:09if they file
12:10we'll respond
12:12I left her office feeling
12:13something I hadn't felt in months
12:15not relief exactly
12:17more like clarity
12:19two weeks later
12:20I got a certified letter
12:22my parents were requesting a family mediation session
12:25to quote resolve financial and relational disputes
12:29end quote the letter said a mediator had been assigned
12:32and the session was scheduled for the
12:34following Thursday at 10 in the morning at
12:36a county services building downtown
12:39I called Miss Tan
12:41she said she'd come with me
12:42the morning of the mediation
12:44I put on my scrubs
12:46I'd worked a night shift that ended at 7
12:48and the meeting was at 10
12:49and I didn't have the energy to go home and change
12:52I grabbed the folder of records from my car
12:55and met Miss Tan in the lobby of the building
12:58the mediation room was small and plain
13:01a table six chairs
13:04bad lighting
13:05the mediator was a man in his 60s named Mr Paul Greer
13:09he wore a tie and glasses and had the
13:12tired look of someone who'd sat through a
13:14thousand versions of this same fight
13:17my parents arrived five minutes late
13:19my mother saw me and stopped in the doorway
13:22she looked at Miss Tan then at me
13:25she said you brought a lawyer
13:28I said yes
13:30my father didn't say anything he sat down
13:33my mother sat next to him
13:35Ethan wasn't there Mr
13:38Greer introduced himself
13:40explained the mediation process
13:42and asked my parents to explain why
13:44they'd requested the session
13:46my mother folded her hands on the table and said that I
13:49had cut off all financial support without warning
13:53refused to help my brother
13:54and stopped responding to their calls
13:57she said they had raised me
13:59supported me
14:00and now they were asking for basic
14:02assistance in their old age
14:03and I was refusing
14:05she said it wasn't right
14:07Mister Greer looked at me
14:09he said Miss Cortez
14:10would you like to respond
14:12I opened the folder
14:14I took out the stack of deposit slips
14:16and bank transfer confirmations
14:18I slid them across the table I said
14:21I've been sending my parents 800
14:24dollars a month for eight years
14:26that's 76,800 dollars
14:29I didn't cut them off without warning
14:31I stopped after they missed my
14:33son's college graduation
14:34and then called three days later to ask me to co
14:37sign a 45 thousand dollar loan for my brother I said no
14:41that's when they threatened legal action
14:44Mister Greer picked up the stack of papers
14:46he went through them slowly
14:48my mother's face went very still
14:50my father looked down at his hands
14:52Mister Greer said
14:53these records show monthly
14:55payments going back eight years
14:57I said yes he looked at my parents
15:01he said were you aware your daughter had
15:03been sending you this amount
15:05my mother said
15:06we needed help
15:08she was helping family
15:10Mr Grier said
15:11that's not what I asked
15:13nobody said anything
15:15he put the papers down
15:16he looked at my mother
15:17then at my father
15:19he said you're asking for a legal order requiring
15:22your daughter to provide financial support
15:24but she's already provided more
15:26than $76,000 over eight years
15:30even if the court were to
15:32consider an elder support claim
15:34which is rare and requires significant proof of need
15:37these records would be presented as
15:39evidence of prior contribution
15:41I'll be honest with you
15:42you don't have a case
15:44my mother's mouth opened
15:46nothing came out
15:47my father didn't look up
15:49Mister Greer asked if there was
15:51anything else they wanted to say
15:53my mother said
15:54she's still our daughter
15:56I said and Marcus is still your grandson
15:59that was all
16:00that was the whole thing
16:02Mister Greer closed the session 10 minutes later
16:05no agreement
16:06no follow up scheduled
16:08my parents left without looking at me
16:10Miss Tan walked me to my car
16:13she said you did good
16:16I said thank you
16:19I sat in my car for a long time
16:21before I started the engine
16:23I wasn't crying
16:24I wasn't angry
16:26I just felt very very tired
16:29Marcus lives on his own now
16:31he got a job with a software company in the city
16:33and he has an apartment with two roommates
16:36and a kitchen table he built himself
16:38we have dinner once a week
16:39I haven't told him about the mediation
16:42and I don't plan to
16:43he asked me once
16:45a couple months after graduation
16:47if I'd heard from grandma and Grandpa
16:49I told him no
16:51he nodded and didn't bring it up again
16:53I still work at County General
16:55I still drive the same car
16:57but I don't send $800 a month anymore
17:00that money goes into an account now
17:02the kind of account you open when you finally
17:04admit you're allowed to have something left over
17:06I'm not saving it for anything specific
17:08it's just there

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